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1
00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:04,205
(cork pops)
Whoa, sorry, sorry.
2
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:05,473
Oh, my God! You know that
there is gonna be champagne
3
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,341
at this party, right?
I know, I know.
4
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:08,909
But we're gonna get
there and it's gonna be
5
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:11,212
everyone congratulating
you on your book,
6
00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:13,247
saying, "This is a revelation!
7
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,349
"You're gonna end
poverty in our time.
8
00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:16,817
"This is the greatest book
anyone's ever written
9
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,186
in any genre."
10
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:19,887
You're the only one
that says that, sweetie.
11
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:20,988
Well, it's true.
12
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,490
So before I lose you
13
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,158
to your adoring public,
14
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:26,094
I just want to take
a moment, you and I,
15
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:29,630
to celebrate the best
year of our lives.
16
00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:31,699
Happy New Year.
17
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,267
Happy New Year.
18
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,038
(grunts)
19
00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:40,574
We go big tonight!
20
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:42,210
Easy there, buddy.
21
00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:44,011
We're old people, remember?
22
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,913
We haven't even gone
medium sized in forever.
23
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:49,383
And I cannot carry
you home in this dress.
24
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:50,518
Sweetie, relax.
25
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,719
I got this.
26
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:53,187
Yeah, right.
27
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:55,356
I can see your whole future.
28
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:58,126
You are gonna be
so hungover tomorrow.
29
00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,527
I'm gonna be fine.
Hmm.
30
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,595
I made a vow, remember?
31
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:02,763
NARRATOR:
Kids...
32
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:03,764
the story behind that vow
33
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:04,898
took place the morning
34
00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,567
of Barney and Robin's wedding.
35
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,537
You see, after drinking
way too much the night before,
36
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,439
this is
all your Uncle Barney remembers
37
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,907
from the first two hours
of his wedding day.
38
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:16,210
(gasps)
39
00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:17,411
(roars)
40
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:21,715
And that's it.
41
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,050
Now here's how the rest of us
42
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,452
remember those two hours.
43
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:25,653
(tape rewinding)
44
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:26,854
ROBIN:
Found him.
45
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,425
You know, he looks better
than I thought he would.
46
00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:34,962
Rise and shine.
47
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,930
Up and at 'em,
let's do this.
48
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,433
There's a gas leak!
49
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:41,869
The building's on fire!
50
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:44,772
Your shoes don't
match your belt!
51
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,442
(moaning)
52
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,116
BOTH: Uh-oh.
53
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,319
(piano playing
Wagner's "Bridal Chorus")
54
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,168
Okay, I think my fiancé
55
00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:15,603
peed himself a little.
56
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,838
Oh, tomorrow
I'm gonna be able to say
57
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,274
my husband
peed himself a little.
58
00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:21,675
(moaning)
Don't worry.
59
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,010
I accidentally spilled
some iced tea on him.
60
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:24,212
Oh, thank God.
61
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:25,213
(whispering):
I didn't really spill
62
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,514
some iced tea on him.
63
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:28,182
Oh, God, this is bad.
64
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:29,783
We're doing
family wedding pictures
65
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,052
at the lighthouse
in two hours.
66
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,687
My father is paying
for the whole thing.
67
00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:35,223
He's gonna kill Barney
if he doesn't show up.
68
00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:36,990
Come on, your dad's tough.
69
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:39,126
But won't he understand a
good old-fashioned hangover?
70
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,394
ROBIN:
My father's recipe
71
00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:41,395
for a Bloody Mary
72
00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:42,563
trades out tomato juice
73
00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:43,797
for wolf's blood.
74
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,366
Ooh.
Ooh.
75
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:46,500
Bloody Mary?
76
00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:49,503
Sounds more like
a Bloody Scary.
77
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:51,539
I'm gonna say it again.
78
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:52,673
Uh, hold on.
Bloody Mary?
Sounds more...
79
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:53,841
You guys are forgetting
80
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:56,577
Barney Stinson has
a super power.
81
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,580
He can't take a bad photo.
82
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,550
(grunts)
Okay, here.
83
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,117
Watch.
84
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:08,856
Guys, Barney may be dead.
85
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,391
MARSHALL:
That's it!
86
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,326
You know what? We are all
now seriously too old
87
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,661
to keep doing this to ourselves!
88
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,229
I vow here and now
89
00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:18,832
that I shall never again
get that drunk in my life!
90
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,369
NARRATOR:
Yeah, he'd wind up
breaking that vow.
91
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:23,571
And I will not break that vow
92
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,006
as sure as I will always
have a full head of hair!
93
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,509
WOMAN:
In other elections today,
94
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,678
in the race for New York
State Supreme Court,
95
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,079
Judge Brad Morris...
96
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:34,114
Mmm, just look at him.
97
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:35,616
I would love to rub that down.
98
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:36,917
(clears throat)
Sorry.
99
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,752
Has increased his sizable lead
100
00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,788
over Judge Marshall Eriksen.
101
00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:42,890
It was supposed to
be a victory party.
102
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,858
You ran
a great campaign, baby.
103
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,560
Yeah, but it was
the most stressful
104
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,228
three weeks of my life!
105
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,300
And in other results,
a surprise comeback.
106
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:55,536
We are now ready to call the New
York State Supreme Court race
107
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,405
for Judge Marshall Eriksen.
108
00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:59,072
(all cheering)
109
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,974
We'll go to Judge Eriksen
for a live statement
110
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,810
in just a few minutes.
111
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,745
(slurring):
Come again for Judge Fudge?
112
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,080
As your next commissioner...
113
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:09,283
State Supreme Court judge.
114
00:04:09,317 --> 00:04:10,884
...of Gotham City...
115
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,086
The State of New York.
116
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:16,256
...I vow to make
Batman work harder.
117
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:17,591
I say
118
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:20,394
shine that Bat-Signal
even for small stuff.
119
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,963
Like, uh, shoveling snow.
120
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:26,800
Or, like, uh, if a police horse
dumps out in the park.
121
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:27,801
LILY:
Okay, well, that will be
122
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:29,269
all at this time, thank you.
123
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:31,104
That's all.
Okay.
124
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,139
Mmm, good night.
125
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:33,607
Never again!
126
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,242
I vow it!
127
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,977
I am more worried
about the vows I have to take
128
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:38,479
with this useless
pile of garbage
129
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:39,447
in a few hours from now.
130
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,681
What do we do?
131
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:41,915
You guys see the irony here.
132
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,183
The only person
who could possibly get
133
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:44,652
Barney back on his feet
134
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:45,819
is Barney.
135
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:47,020
NARRATOR:
See, over the years,
136
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,088
we'd all come to experience
137
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,990
something Barney called...
138
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:52,593
Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir!
139
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:53,827
The most effective
140
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:54,962
post-bender,
head's-too-tender ender
141
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:55,963
from here to Denver.
142
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:57,197
What's in it?
143
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,966
Glad you asked.
Ah, I take it back.
144
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,468
Columbia University, 1941...
I take it back, I take it back.
145
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,470
President Franklin
Delano Roosevelt,
146
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:05,973
whom we all know is most famous
for being a world-class drunk,
147
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,708
commissioned a top secret
scientific project...
148
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:10,310
develop an elixir to cure
the common hangover.
149
00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:12,780
And what brilliant scientific
mind did boozy old FDR pick
150
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,449
to head up this historic task?
TED: Look.
151
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,451
My head really hurts.
Let's just speed this along.
152
00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:18,719
You're clearly ripping off
153
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,354
the story
of the Manhattan Project,
154
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,890
which was run
by Dr. Robert Oppenheimer.
155
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:26,660
So I'm gonna guess it was
your distant relative...
156
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,063
...Barnert Stinsonheimer?
157
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:33,300
Somebody's read
their history books.
158
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,302
The Too Many Manhattans Project
159
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,638
hit a few snags at first.
160
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:38,972
The first batch exploded.
161
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,908
Which sounded
kind of like this.
162
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,543
Boom!
Oh!
163
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:43,644
You suck.
164
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,012
Just let me finish.
165
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,814
But the second batch...
166
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,649
sadly also exploded.
167
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,050
Boom!
Oh!
168
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,752
Why are you here right now?
169
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,153
Do you want to hear
the story or not?
170
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,488
Absolutely not. Please leave.
171
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,856
After some trial and error,
172
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:58,158
Dr. Stinsonheimer finally found
173
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,027
the magic formula.
174
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:03,697
TED:
Hang on.
175
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,032
Funyuns?
176
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,366
Tantrum Soda?
177
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,334
Sure.
178
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,536
In 1941?
179
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:09,903
Sure.
180
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:10,938
They haven't made
new Tantrum since then.
181
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,272
That stuff lasts a while.
182
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:15,175
Anyway, the elixir
was such a success,
183
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,611
he was awarded
the Bro-bel Prize.
184
00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:19,613
True story.
185
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:20,714
Boom!
186
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:22,082
Wh-Wh-Why?
187
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,517
That time I was
just messing with you.
188
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:25,318
Just give me the stupid drink.
189
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:27,588
(groans)
190
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,824
NARRATOR:
And the craziest part was...
191
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,797
I-I feel better.
192
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,632
Over the years,
each of us would discover
193
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,534
that Barney's
elixir actually worked.
194
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:42,235
Like, way better.
195
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,370
What's in this thing again?
196
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,138
Stinson family secret.
197
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,374
Oh, come on, you told me most of
the ingredients in your story.
198
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,042
Just tell me the secret one.
199
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,410
Ha! I'll never tell you.
200
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,913
I'll take it with me
to my grave.
201
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:53,947
Damn it, Barney!
202
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,282
Why are you always so selfish?!
203
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,650
We are trying to help you!
204
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:57,751
ROBIN: Okay,
we somehow have
205
00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:59,252
to get this leaky barf bag
206
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:00,554
back on his feet before
the wedding pictures.
207
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:03,423
Well, we know what Barney
would want us to do.
208
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,093
WOMAN:
Say cheese.
209
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,595
ALL: Cheese!
210
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:08,829
ROBIN: No!
211
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,598
We are not doing
Weekend at Barney's!
212
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:11,832
But that's the dream!
213
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,601
I can't believe
I just said that.
214
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:14,935
Someone suggest
something useful!
215
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,269
Okay, here's the plan.
216
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,071
Marshall, you and Ted
go gather
217
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,439
the ingredients we do know.
218
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:20,474
Robin,
219
00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:21,909
you wake up Barney long enough
220
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,611
to find out
the secret ingredient.
221
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:27,615
And I'll race down to the spa
to keep my 8:15 mani and pedi.
222
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:28,616
Okay, let's do this!
223
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:29,683
Bitch?
224
00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:30,818
Walk out that door and I tag in
225
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,085
Zabka as my maid of honor.
226
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,922
Okay, let's start simple.
227
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:35,989
Fresh ocean air.
228
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:36,990
Come on, baby.
229
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,492
BOTH:
Come on, honey.
230
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,193
Come on, love, yeah.
Baby, baby.
231
00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:43,797
I'll get the elevator.
232
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:46,133
Oh, I should get some water.
233
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,779
Okay, so...
234
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,814
accidentally throwing
Barney down the stairs
235
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:03,016
did not wake him up.
236
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,285
Nor did banging his
head on each step
237
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,687
as we dragged him back up here.
238
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,456
So, how do we
wake him up long enough
239
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,224
to tell us the final ingredient?
240
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:12,826
You know, when my sister and I
241
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,562
had trouble getting up
for school,
242
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,764
my dad had a few
cute little tricks.
243
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,803
(growling)
244
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:23,804
I'll do it!
245
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,973
I swear to God I'll do it!
246
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,908
Your dad used to do this to you?
247
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,843
Well, it was with
a Cabbage Patch doll and an ax.
248
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,078
But same idea. Trust me.
249
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:33,080
I was never late
for kindergarten again.
250
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,549
What? Come on.
251
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:37,985
(Barney moaning)
252
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,553
(groans)
253
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:40,888
I second Marshall's vow.
254
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:43,991
I will never, ever get
that drunk again.
255
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,926
NARRATOR:
Yeah. She would.
256
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,061
LILY:
My baby boy's
257
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:49,329
in college.
258
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,497
Did you pack enough undies?
259
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,865
Yes, Mom.
(shushes)
260
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:54,334
Your father did a lot of puking
261
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,336
in these hallowed halls.
262
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,405
From-from binge studying.
263
00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:00,340
(quietly):
Saved it.
264
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,341
That reminds me, mister.
265
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,943
No underage drinking.
266
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,745
No good comes
from hanging out
267
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:06,747
in bars and getting drunk.
268
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,449
But every story
from your 20s starts in a bar.
269
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,018
Listen to your mother.
270
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,253
Oh, what are we gonna do
without you in the house?
271
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,622
(groans)
272
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,724
We got him out of the house!
Drink up!
273
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:19,760
(grunts)
274
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,128
(whoops)
275
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,731
Oh...
276
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:28,802
You son of a bitch!
You son of a me!
277
00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:31,138
All right, we got most
of the ingredients on our list.
278
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,106
Ginger, bananas, Funyuns.
279
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:35,075
I cannot believe
that minimart sold Tantrum.
280
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:36,877
It's been discontinued
for years.
281
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,111
Uh, hey.
(clears throat)
282
00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,113
Will you, uh,
toss me that bottle?
283
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:41,882
Oh. Yeah, we haven't
done this forever.
284
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,416
(smacks lips)
285
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:44,417
Dude!
286
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:45,452
You're a grown man.
287
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:46,720
Why you throwing a Tantrum?
288
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:47,921
Nice!
289
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,089
So awesome!
290
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,057
So awesome!
291
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,124
Okay, there's only
292
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:52,793
one more item on the list and...
293
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,962
it's an odd one.
294
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,830
Grease?
Grease.
295
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:59,432
At the Farhampton Inn,
we don't cook with grease.
296
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,434
Our menu is organic.
297
00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:03,270
Farm to table, locally grown.
298
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,572
No "grease."
299
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,573
Sir,
300
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,241
I am from Minnesota,
301
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,143
where every meal
is cooked with grease.
302
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,746
And my father dubbed
that food the tastiest eats
303
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:15,649
in the whole
gosh darn world, so...
304
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,117
And how is your father's health?
305
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,088
Point is,
it tastes really good.
306
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,589
Also, uh,
307
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,257
we need it to help a friend
recover from a hangover.
308
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,093
Wait a second.
309
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,795
There's bacon right here.
310
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,096
And where there's bacon,
311
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,263
there's bacon grease.
312
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,665
Which we throw out.
313
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,934
And we aren't making
any more bacon today.
314
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,636
Not unless it all somehow gets
eaten in the ten minutes
315
00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:38,872
before breakfast is over.
316
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:41,709
No, no, no!
317
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,110
Ted, do not give me that look!
318
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,311
A mountain of food.
319
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,645
A ticking clock? Come on!
320
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:46,814
You live for this stuff!
321
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,982
No, I'm not a wild animal.
322
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:51,151
I'm a Columbia-educated lawyer,
323
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:54,154
poised to become a judge
before age 35.
324
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:55,555
And remind me,
how did you celebrate
325
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:57,057
getting accepted into Columbia?
326
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,693
You eat one
eight-pound block of fudge
327
00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:01,895
in 12 minutes
and you're marked for life.
328
00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,997
You're not marked for life...
329
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,032
Big Fudge.
330
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,333
I'm out, okay?
331
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:07,334
You eat the bacon.
332
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:08,902
You know I can't.
333
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,337
I'm allergic.
Ted.
334
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,705
I've been trying
to tell you this for years.
335
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,473
Your bacon allergy is a lie
336
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,709
your mother made up
so you'd eat healthy as a kid.
337
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:18,011
No, I'm just allergic
to a lot of stuff.
338
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,412
Bacon, doughnuts,
339
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:21,681
Halloween candy.
340
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:23,817
Not saying thank you.
341
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,485
Oh, my God!
342
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,787
That bitch lied to me!
343
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:29,556
Okay, I'll-I'll do it.
344
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:32,292
But I... look, I don't, I don't
even know if I'll like bacon.
345
00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:36,029
(sniffs)
346
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,098
Mm-hmm.
347
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,201
What do you think?
348
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,270
(choir humming)
349
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,806
I have seen the face of God.
350
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:51,611
Okay, there is one thing
we haven't tried yet.
351
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,513
Making out with each other.
352
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,382
You really think
that will wake him up?
353
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:56,583
Wake up who now?
354
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,786
(Barney moaning)
355
00:11:58,819 --> 00:11:59,887
(groans)
356
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,554
Look at this soggy bag of snot.
357
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,690
That's it,
I am joining Marshall's vow.
358
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,860
I am never, ever getting
that drunk again.
359
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:09,797
NARRATOR:
Kids, you see
where this is going.
360
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:15,102
Did last night really happen?
361
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:17,370
I think so.
362
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,306
Look, let's just agree.
363
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,809
Absolute silence for
the rest of the day.
364
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,143
(baby crying)
365
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,978
(groans)
(laughs)
366
00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:26,746
Every time.
367
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:27,881
You want me to get her?
368
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:30,050
No, I got her.
369
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,652
(grunts)
370
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:35,222
Yeah, I know, I know.
371
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,424
(shushing)
372
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,728
Hey, Barney?
373
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:42,595
Yeah?
374
00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:44,431
Whose baby is this?
375
00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:53,140
Uh, pardon.
376
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:56,076
(speaks French)
377
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,911
How could you, Mom?!
378
00:12:57,945 --> 00:12:59,279
You had the map
379
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:01,148
to heaven
and you never showed me the way.
380
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,150
May you rot
in the bacon-less hell
381
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,819
that I've lived in
my entire life.
382
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,988
Yeah, they-they, uh,
crisp it up real nice here.
383
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,289
Don't they?
Mm-hmm.
384
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:10,157
What is that...
applewood smoked?
385
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:11,358
You know what, Ted,
386
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:12,625
you've been going
at it real hard.
387
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,161
Why don't you take a breather?
388
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:15,595
And I'll drive us home.
389
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,364
(growls)
390
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,000
Well, congratulations.
391
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:21,634
Here's your grease.
(grunts)
392
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:22,936
No!
393
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,704
I don't want to lose a finger.
(grunts)
394
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:25,973
Here.
Thanks.
395
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:26,974
All right, Ted, let's go.
396
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,075
No, no!
397
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,211
I finally found
the one, Marshall.
398
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,713
Her name is Bacon.
399
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:36,950
You know, this would go great on
one of my mom's LT sandwiches.
400
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,318
Buddy, you got to take it easy.
401
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,786
Never!
402
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,788
I got a lifetime without bacon
to make up for.
403
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,490
I will keep eating and eating
404
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,225
and eating...
Oh, God, help me.
405
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,393
I'm going down.
406
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,195
NARRATOR:
And that's the first
407
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:50,964
and last time I ever ate bacon.
408
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,465
He's not waking up!
409
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:53,466
I'm out of ideas!
410
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,468
We've tried everything!
411
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,836
Not everything.
412
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,306
Lily Aldrin?
413
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,673
Let's make out.
414
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:02,009
(gasps)
415
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:03,476
Are you sure?!
416
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,012
Yeah, baby, I'm sure.
417
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:06,746
Um...
418
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:08,648
okay, well, you know what?
I mean...
419
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,151
it probably won't even work.
420
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,752
And it was stupid.
421
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,154
I'm stupid.
422
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,822
(shushing)
423
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,424
You're beautiful.
424
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,330
(gasps)
425
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,265
More, more, more, more,
more, more, more, more.
426
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:26,266
Whoa, he's awake!
427
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:27,700
How'd you do it?!
428
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:28,701
Nothing special.
429
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:29,869
Hydration, patience.
430
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:30,938
Quick, before he
passes out again.
431
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,205
Barney!
(grunts)
432
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,074
What's the secret ingredient
433
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,910
in Stinson's
Hangover Fixer Elixir?
434
00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:38,278
Come on, stay with us.
435
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:40,847
The secret ingredient
436
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,082
is...
437
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,516
nothing.
438
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,417
ALL: Huh?
439
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,719
I ate too much bacon.
440
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:49,056
Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir
441
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:52,225
is a lie.
442
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:54,928
That's the secret.
443
00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:56,796
You...
444
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:59,232
You know, I could use
a little lie-down myself.
445
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:07,707
So, Stinson's Hangover
Fixer Elixir is a lie?
446
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,742
Why would you lie about that?
447
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,078
Just to mess with us?
448
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:12,212
Like that one jerk
in every high school
449
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,446
who brings in fake mushrooms
450
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,581
just to see
who's gullible enough
451
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:15,748
to think they're tripping?
452
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,784
Damn you, Ollie Gunderson.
453
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:20,387
I knew those shrooms
tasted like Sea-Monkeys.
454
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,089
How do you know
what Sea-Monkeys taste like?
455
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,923
My older brothers are not...
456
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:25,758
the best people.
457
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:26,893
Why did you lie?
458
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,895
I...
459
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,299
love you guys.
460
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,502
He loves us?
461
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:37,070
Let's throw him down
the stairs again.
462
00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:38,571
Yeah!
Yeah!
463
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:39,406
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Think about it.
464
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,607
The first time Barney
465
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,608
gave us that drink,
466
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:42,609
those hangovers all happened
467
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,677
at the worst possible moments.
468
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,846
Remember? Marshall thought
he botched day two
469
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:49,916
of the bar exam, so he freaked
out that night and got wasted?
470
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,951
Now I'm gonna miss
the last day of the bar?
471
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:53,520
I'll never be a lawyer!
472
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,655
I should just go back to being
a manager at Structure.
473
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,624
That ten percent
off all vests sale?
474
00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:58,958
That was my idea!
475
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,260
As was cutting the arms off
476
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,361
all the shirts
that weren't selling.
477
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:02,996
That's where I belong.
478
00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:05,098
No, Marshall.
479
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,699
You're gonna be a lawyer.
480
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,435
(groans)
No, I can't do it.
481
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,271
Yes, you can. Your first day
back live on the air
482
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,673
is gonna be legend...
wait for it...
483
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:14,774
dary!
484
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,509
Your kindergarten field trip
485
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:18,511
to the jackhammer and
siren museum today...
486
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:19,479
(groans)
487
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,681
...is gonna be legendary.
488
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,150
No, it's not.
489
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,185
Nothing's ever gonna
be legendary again.
490
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,454
I-I'm never gonna
recover from this.
491
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:28,855
It's just a hangover, Ted.
492
00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:30,123
Not that!
493
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:32,492
I got left at the altar, Barney.
494
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:36,196
I'm now a guy
who got left at the altar.
495
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,631
There's no coming back
from that.
496
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,900
Drink this.
497
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:43,103
You're gonna be okay.
498
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,906
Barney made up the Stinson's
Hangover Fixer Elixir
499
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:49,209
so we would all believe
that we could rally.
500
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:52,512
I mean, even though it's fake,
it-it worked.
501
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:53,980
Like-like Dumbo's feather.
502
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,015
Dum-bro's feather.
503
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,050
A placebo.
504
00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:58,651
Place-bro.
505
00:16:58,685 --> 00:16:59,719
A sugar pill.
506
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,221
(gasps)
507
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:02,689
I...
508
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,824
He lied so we'd be okay.
509
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,226
Hmm.
510
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,561
Barney does love us.
511
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:11,831
I wish we could help him out
the way he helped us.
512
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,933
But the wedding photos
are in 20 minutes.
513
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,902
(groans)
My dad's gonna be so pissed.
514
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,270
Yup.
515
00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:19,439
Barney's a dead man.
516
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:28,315
(camera shutter clicking)
517
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,553
Barney?
518
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:34,921
You were always a bit...
519
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:37,390
chatty and blond
520
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:39,058
for my taste. Like a woman.
521
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,694
But this new side of you...
522
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:42,929
quiet,
523
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:44,364
steady?
524
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,299
I like it!
525
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:49,602
You've earned my
respect today, son.
526
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:50,903
I request the highest of fives.
527
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,305
Oh, no.
Stay cool.
528
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:55,675
I got this.
529
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,749
BARNEY:
I don't believe this.
530
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,417
You did Weekend at Barney's.
531
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:05,885
And it worked.
532
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,821
God, today's gonna be
all downhill from here.
533
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,390
That's what the bride
wants to hear.
534
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,724
No, that's not what I meant.
535
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,493
I just mean Weekend at Barney's
536
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:16,229
is a thousand times more amazing
than our wedding could ever be.
537
00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:19,199
I'm gonna get some more coffee.
I can't wait to see the photos!
538
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,570
Well, he bought it.
539
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,804
We lied out of love.
540
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,105
Look how happy he is.
541
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,640
I mean, he has no idea
we had to cancel
542
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,409
the wedding photos
and my dad was so angry,
543
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,644
he came up to our room
and kicked Barney in the crotch.
544
00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:34,814
And the best part is
your dad has no idea.
545
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,483
He still loves me.
546
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:39,586
Hey, do anyone else's
balls hurt?
547
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:40,987
MARSHALL:
And, look,
548
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:42,189
some good came out of all this.
549
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:43,590
Seeing you like that,
we all vowed
550
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,658
never to get that drunk again.
551
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:47,194
Well, actually I didn't.
552
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,461
But I will now.
553
00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:49,762
Never again.
554
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,331
Never again.
Never again.
Never... Ow!
555
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,132
NARRATOR: Kids, no matter
how hard we try,
556
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,602
even the best of us go
a little too wild sometimes.
557
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,605
And in those moments,
we all need
558
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,040
someone who loves us
to help us rally.
559
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:03,009
(groans)
560
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:07,013
(whispers):
Happy New Year.
Okay.
561
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:08,448
That was, that was way too loud.
562
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,517
You're practically screaming.
563
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,185
What you need
564
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:15,188
is Stinson's
Hangover Fixer Elixir.
565
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:17,290
Even if that means lying
once in a while.
566
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:18,491
Does it work?
567
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:19,592
Totally works.
568
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,296
(gags)
569
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,031
It's normal,
it's totally normal.
570
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,834
(groans)
571
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:30,570
(laughs)
I love you so much.
572
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:31,538
I love you, too.
573
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,840
Whoop, whoop.
574
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,141
Better drink it fast.
575
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:35,975
BOTH: Mommy!
576
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,176
Hey, look who it is!
577
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,511
Get her!
578
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:40,680
(all clamoring)
579
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:47,387
I can't believe we kissed today.
580
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,489
Weird.
581
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,057
I-I feel kind of bad
582
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,593
that, um,
Ted and Marshall missed it.
583
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:55,928
Hey, we should kiss
one more time
584
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:59,432
in front of them just to,
like, blow their minds.
585
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,067
Right?
586
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,335
Nah, I don't think so.
587
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,036
Exactly, totally.
588
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:07,507
Ha-ha, guys, you don't get
to see this kiss either.
589
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,108
So, where should we go?
590
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:11,043
Closet, patio?
591
00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:12,279
Ooh, I think the sauna's open.
592
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:13,746
Well, I... actually...
593
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:17,284
to be honest,
it-it felt kind of weird to me.
594
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:18,451
Once was enough.
595
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:19,586
Totally.
596
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:20,687
We could kiss.
597
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,721
We could not kiss.
598
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,222
We could kiss.
599
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:24,624
Doesn't matter to me.
600
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,759
It's stupid. I'm stupid.
601
00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:30,263
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
602
00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:32,332
So stupid.
39956
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