Original subtitles

[Applause]

[Music]

so

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[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

so

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so

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[Applause]

bye

[Music]

is

[Music]

his home

kiss me while you can boys i'm

bidding you farewell

farewell i'm bidding you farewell but

metamarion you can't leave us

yet there's still the sharp shooting

contest person tuck

if we lose the bank's gonna foreclose on

the schoolhouse

i thought for sure that masked

gunslinger was gonna save the day no

rob hood got put in jail for robin from

the railroad tycoons and giving money

back to the farmers

[Music]

what do you say to that madam marion

would you like us to hold our horses one

second

hold your horses one second

i see someone taking aim at this here

target

but he can't win there's already a

bullet smack dab in the middle of the

bull's eye

why he shot that other ball out in half

no

not quite yet

why he shot that other ball in half

look it's rob hood

i wonder what face belongs to those

lips i long to kiss

this face oh wow it's alan o'dell

that friendly llaman from the east i was

so crazy about

but i thought you were all done with us

not when i finally found myself a home

a place where i belong keeping company

with the people i care the most about

you came to us a stranger read this

place a crime

and gave us new hope in ourselves that's

gonna be one tough act to follow

well how's this will you be my lawful

wedded wife

miss nancy oh yes i will yeah

those wide open spaces

where the future is

[Music]

is

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

this entire evening wants a shambles i

don't know what i'm doing in the show

so i noticed i was distracted all night

by some guy in the front row who kept

waving his hands at me that was the

[Music]

conductor

where the future waits for you and me

[Music]

is

[Music]

[Applause]

it's okay she's got post that's the

first time she's ever kept a beat

robbie ronnie can you help carry her why

not

i've been carrying her all night

[Music]

oh my god

holy mother in heaven

[Music]

holy

what the reviews aren't good what don't

they like

that we put on a show the boston globe

says

if you loved oklahoma stay there as long

as robin hood is running in boston

how about calls to mind walt disney's

pinocchio

because the star is wooden ought to be

hung by piano wire and swallowed by the

first whale that enters boston harbor

who wrote that the christian science

monitor

you're our producer carmen i sunk last

year's prophets from my 1958 lingerie

line

into the show there's got to be

something in the papers we can use

let me consult with the writing team

georgia aaron

does debacle have two meanings no

well that's a shame critics

he'll make a living by killing other

people's dreams

i mean a what kind of man would take a

job

like that what kind of slob would take

a job like that who

could be mean enough bass and obscene

enough

to take a job like that

wait a minute here's something in the

herald that might be good

formerly married composer and lyricist

aaron fox and georgia hendrix

have provided film star jessica cranshaw

with a star

vehicle that ought to be driven off a

cliff

what kind of mom would raise her boy

like that

who'd want her baby to destroy like that

who couldn't be jerk enough hard off for

work

enough to want a job like that

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

what kind of man would want a job like

that

what kind of pots would squeeze your

nuts like that

who could be prick enough men tally sick

enough

you'd want to grow to be everyone's

enemy

critics are hated

[Music]

uh cambridge patriot says considering

the

talent and experience of the veterans

involved

robin hood is sure to be a huge broadway

smash

what kind of genius has a mind like that

so perspicacious wise and timed like

that

far from his mother's knee she must be

thrilled to see

how he grew up to be such brilliant

refined and effective work completely

[Music]

objectified

[Music]

yeah that's all well and good but the

cambridge patriot is not the boston

globe

the globe is the review we needed funny

how none of them mentioned jessica

faining

well she fainted during the bows when

the critics dash out of the theater to

dash off the postmortems

face it we've gotten on notices and

we've been given notice

i'm afraid you're right no no no no you

two are just oversensitive because you

wrote the show

this is only round one the first musical

my husband and i produced was savaged

out of town

but we rolled up our sleeves did a major

rewrite and brought it to broadway

and that musical my friends must kiss

me i'm irish

clothes before the audience open their

play bills but the point is

this is a sydney and carmen bernstein

production we decide if it goes to new

york

not daryl grady of the boston globe so

we're still shooting for broadway

georgia erin you keep writing tunes

advance oscar you keep writing checks

that don't

very nice but until our leading lady

gets out of the hospital

who knows what happens next they just

have her on observation i'm sure she'll

be out by the morning

sounds like a director is there no limit

he got such horrendous reviews

is there no limit i ask you to my

unbridled brilliance

chris where the hell were you tonight i

put a lot of money into this show and as

our director you owe along oh

steal your foolish mouth nothing to be

gleaned by watching one show with the

fraudulent audience of an opening night

went for a walk past the cathedral of

the holy cross

went in wildly spiritual

i tell you those catholics really know

how to put on a show

and right there in the middle of the

eucharist i had an epiphany

at this stage in the life of any musical

one should refrain from inventing

anything that's brilliant

but simply eliminate all that's god

awful what

i ask without fear of contradiction was

the most god-awful thing in our show

jessica of course carmen i came back

here to convince you to get rid of our

star

only to have the cast tell me that she

is in the hospital i see the hand of the

lord in this

mrs bernstein there's a phone call for

you in your office

thanks johnny that's probably my husband

calling and where was sydney tonight

oh sydney's in new york nailing a

theater for us and knowing my husband

also nailing a soprano that doesn't

dance but knows how to move

at least she can joke about it it's easy

to joke about marriage when men like

sydney and you don't take it seriously

there's no comparison i never did more

than flirt with any woman

in any cast once you and i got married

barbara o'brien she was an

usher and that was only after you moved

out

oh so you finally looked up from your

music and noticed i was gone

uh johnny you're the stage manager how

how are the cast taking the reviews

they decided to throw a combination

opening and closing my party

defeatists a lot of you you've yet to

hear my plan of action but here it she

shall

johnny come help me watch you move the

piano

what plan you think he wants us to go to

broadway with an understudy

well at least you still have bobby in

the title role and that's what matters

right

i mean the only reason you teamed up

with me again was so you could rekindle

a romance with our leading man

erin when i signed up i had no idea

bobby was in the show

really then why at our very first

rehearsal did you walk

right up to him and say hi bobby hi

sweetie

well looks like we're all gonna be

heading back to new york a little sooner

than we thought

but if you and i going back together

that's one flop that's a big hit with me

here miss on form a brief demonstration

of what's been wrong with this show

since his very first

love song you mean thinking of him

that's one of my best songs in the show

one of our best songs see georgia agrees

with me nonetheless i've had a problem

with it since our very first day of

rehearsal

georgia sing our leading ladies opening

number

johnny uh put her in like you five but

like you five oh this is

silly i haven't sung on a stage in years

just

play georgia

[Music]

thinking of him

thinking of him

sometimes it seems i spend every moment

of my waking day thinking of him

making him laugh sometimes

making him strong sometimes

making him feel someplace in the light

is his

telling him just how special he

is thinking of him

thinking of him

telling the truth when nobody's willing

to tell him the truth

fighting for him

living for him

[Music]

isn't it

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[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

of you thinking of me

[Music]

[Applause]

i finally hear how that song was meant

to go

listen chris if you say something's been

wrong with that tune since our first

rehearsal you'll have to tell me what

it's that we ever allowed jessica

cranshaw to sing it

now look here everyone i think it's a

damn shame our leading lady collapsed at

tonight's performance

she might have done it weeks ago and

saved us a month of misery

but the cavity that jessica has created

must be appropriately filled may i speak

as jessica's understudy i'd feel

terrible taking over as madam marion

under these circumstances

no need to feel terrible nikki no need

because you're still going to be the

understudy to georgia

georgia i don't know you know the score

and script better than anyone else you

sing the songs from your heart

because that's where the words came from

i realize it's been quite some time

since you traded in your tap shoes for a

rhyming dictionary excuse me but

speaking for those of us in the chorus i

really think that nikki should get the

role

i mean she's talented and dedicated and

since you're nikki's understudy if she

gets the lead you get her part

well yeah that too

nice try bambi but either georgia is in

or i'm out

what do you say oscar chris i'll put my

money where your mouth is

launder it first i assume this move more

than meets with your

approval aaron i um

no to be honest it doesn't thanks for

the vote of confidence

i have my reasons you always have

besides this entire debate is pointless

if jessica shows up tomorrow

my god her performance was worse than

ever this evening

jessica cranshaw will never be better

than she was this evening

but she was horrible i know but she'll

never be better

she's dead that was the hospital on the

phone

in terms of future performances jessica

cranshaw

now has a conflict what happened

they wouldn't tell me chris

do you want to say something to the

company about jessica

well shall we all observe a minute of

silence

to match the audience's response to

jessica's first number

chris oh all right let's all form a

semicircle boy girl boy girl

tallest on the inside oh no bambi you're

blocking the entire right side of the

house

people jessica was part of our company

and now we part company

but i'm sure we'll all remember her in

our thoughts and in our resumes

and thespians i know you would all like

to display your

sorrow as both a tribute and as an

acting exercise

sasha c-sharp minor

[Music]

[Applause]

the woman's dad would someone care

don't look at me

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

they closed her mouth and shipped

herself

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

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[Applause]

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she had no brains she just have tests

[Applause]

she's taking ken till god knows

the stars are blue

[Music]

[Applause]

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is

[Music]

[Applause]

excuse me i'm lieutenant frank jaffe of

the greater boston police

i'm assigned to the homicide division

and home

it is an honor to be standing on the

same stage as each and every

one of you

[Music]

i'm sorry if i interrupted a rehearsal

but let me assure you

i don't want my own work to delay your

show reaching the home on broadway

it genuinely deserves i i happen to see

robin hood in preview and may i say that

with the exception of the deceased miss

cranshaw

you are all such wonderful performers

and what a great score

well i appreciate that lieutenant and on

behalf of my half of that compliment

thanks as well oh you are

more than welcome i've done a little

community theater myself

yeah oh nothing that fancy you know

although my billy bigelow the brookline

barn house had favorable reviews and

in a midsummer night's dream my bottom

was very well received

wait one moment you say you're from

homicide

ah well yes uh based on a preliminary

autopsy it's clear jessica cranshaw

was murdered and what are they going to

do with her killer does he get some sort

of trophy

chris sorry pure reflex what killed her

hydrocyanic acid it's commonly used in

electro plating as well as the gas

chamber at san quentin

it was in capsule form which is why no

one realized she'd been poisoned

until after the capsule was dissolved in

her stomach starting

her chemical reaction which created her

own personal gas chamber

internally horrible working backwards

from when the capsule's dissolved we

know that she must have swallowed them

in the final few minutes of this

evening's performance

couldn't she have poisoned herself nah

trauma at the back of the throat

suggests that she didn't take the

capsules voluntarily

now may i ask who's in charge here other

than myself

permit me lieutenants i'm the critically

acclaimed director christopher belling

and i'll be blocking your investigation

well i hope that won't be the case ah

but if you need to wrap things up with

your caster

go right ahead company i'm sure we'll

give georgia our support

as she steps into the late miss

cranshaw's shoes

my god that's brilliant as one would

expect from me

all those ready to press forward with

robin hood and georgia

give me a show of hands

that's it listen people

life is full of setbacks and

disappointments

as my husband first demonstrated in the

honeymoon suite at the hotel

but with georgia taking over the lead

we've got ourselves a real shot

this show is going on are you

with me gang

you know if we leave now we can still

make the last train back to new york

come on stop

it's clear that every one of you

is in perfect physical condition

so the show must

go on why

because as old as time itself it's a

grand theatrical tradition

now the show must

go on forget it i have a

contract you signed a contract go

regional contract

and i will count to ten and then i'll

sue you

oh yes i'll sue you and when i sue you

you'll never work again

[Music]

who's our equity representative i am

mrs bernstein as equity deputy i must

warn you any further threats enough

you'll be brought up on charges oh shut

up elaine

the name's bambi mother

all right let's put it this way

for the back for sake i'm asking our

permission

to let the show go no

the show must go on a chance

the show must go on why

i can't believe i'm hearing this i

i won't believe it putting on a musical

has got to be the most fulfilling thing

a person could ever hope to do you're

all heroes to me

[Music]

you're a special kind of people

known as show people you live in a world

of

your own the audience paid plenty

to sit there and clap hearing you

sing watching you tap

did you know your dentist longs to be in

a

show business your window washer wants

to

be a star and all your analysts may

never couch it that way

you don't know how lucky you are

some policemen and detectives dream of

show business they can't get arrested

but still

they sit around the station and fancy

this life

they've just sherlock holmes and cheer

mac the knife

ask your cleaning lady don't you dream

of

show business to vocalize or stretch

beside a bar

her affirmative shrug as she shampoos

your rug

let you know

[Music]

[Music]

his voice is just grabbed he gives you

the check

you give him a hand

[Music]

if the boys in valley parking turn to

show business they could scout my

[Music]

and my tree surgeon now started taking a

bow

get it about b.o.u don't you

[Music]

[Music]

how lucky we are

[Music]

show people we need something special

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

is

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

and

[Music]

[Applause]

and listen robin hood really should go

on

lieutenant may i speak to you for a

moment my name is nikki harris

miss nikki harris well i read your bio

several times through on the bus ride

home the other night

may i say that i thought your

performance was particularly memorable

it was just lovely oh thank you it was

lovely

thank you i'm crazy about you little

vibrato

you're very kind anyway

yesterday miss cranshaw asked me to

culture in her lines and of course i

said i'd be glad to help

that is so like you well i'm also her

understudy

at least i was i guess i'm george's now

but then these three letters fell out of

ms cranshaw script

she didn't take them very seriously but

i kept them

i'm afraid my fingerprints are all over

them now they're death threats

see the words and letters have been

pasted onto the paper cut with little

curved finger scissors from a newspaper

or magazine

i would imagine

you'll drop before the curtain does if

you don't quit you'll die legit

you're murdering the score but i'll

murder you

can you tell anything from them well

they seem pretty negative in spirit

well yes of course oh

oh i'm sorry you were you were hoping

for the arthur conan doyle version

well i'm sorry but these notes reveal

very little

uh other than the person who sent them

uh is a man in

in his early thirties six feet four in

height who wears a pewter ring served in

the merchant marine and despite being

right-handed is known to his closest

friends

as lefty however did you know that

oh i don't i was just saying that you

probably hope that i will be able to

tell i mean wow

if i could do that just from i mean wow

gee

for a second i was impressed as i once

told my husband at the hotel taft

well what do you say we all go across

the street and have ourselves one

slobber knocker of awake

for the late if less than great jessica

cranshaw

drinks on me uh just a minute just a

minute i'm sorry but this theater is

quarantined

all the exits are guarded and none of

you can leave what are you talking about

no i'm sorry

the entire company and crew will be

living right here in the theater until

further notice emergency services will

bring in cops and meals

wait a second the talented members of

this cast are entitled to a day off

they're talented members and even you

elaine

i'll listen listen now you tell me if

i'm wrong here but to the best of my

recollection

jessica cranshaw never left this stage

in the show's final few minutes

well if so then i'm sorry but she had to

have been murdered by one of you

well i've never had a case with this

many suspects before

i can't have each of your watch around

the clock better i keep your hair on the

lock and key until i solve this crime

you're taking the law into your own

hands chaffey

well that's sort of what i'm paid to do

that's why i have a badge of my own gun

anyway uh being sequestered here will

help you focus on fixing the show

fixing keep your goddamn hands off of

you here

who's that it sounds like it's my

husband on his best behavior

guess he left new york lucky new york

wow isn't this just peachy keen

you all waited up for me

johnny i'm still wearing my coat

sorry mr bernstein sydney it's been a

god-awful night i hear you chris and i'm

turning in my resignation i can't hear

you chris

how are you holding it up oscar yeah

can't complain that's right

you can't welcome back to boston sydney

well hello it's me sydney

your stepdaughter oh uh

sorry about that i've uh fawn it's bambi

oh and last of the least mrs b

my junior partner and lesser half all

right let's get it over with sydney what

you you expect me to be upset i left you

in charge of opening night in return to

find a murdered leading lady

deadly reviews and a bunch of cops who

tell me i can't leave this theater

i'm afraid you've shown up at just the

wrong time for you just the right time

for me mr bernstein

excuse me lieutenant frank tuffy

now listen folks the rest of you should

just go about your various tasks as if

this was not the scene of a homicide

detective nicholle is waiting downstairs

for your pertinent information

i'd like each of you to give me your

name address and 8 by ten glossy

and i'll be speaking with you all in the

morning uh pleasant dreams everyone

thank you thank you uh lieutenant i

can't be a suspect

i was in manhattan when jessica got

murdered oh

oh well can you prove that well it so

happens i was uh

keeping company with a young actress i

happen to be uh

keeping on sutton place

if i give you her name it could ruin her

reputation well yeah

chivalry's touchingly convenient

lieutenant i have many influential

friends in new york city

too bad you're in boston

will you be wanting me any further

lieutenant oh no thank yes

yes uh i would like to know uh

if you've shown those death threats to

anyone outside of this cast um

say a family member or a boyfriend i

don't have a boyfriend oh my gosh uh

well then yes

uh i would like to know uh i would like

to take you into my confidence uh

regarding this investigation

why is that oh because if i don't

there's really no reason for us to keep

talking

then take me into your confidence with

confidence lieutenant

you know something's very wrong here

i just met a an opening night cast who

all seem incredibly eager to close

i can understand how they might feel

they all gave up wonderful jobs and hit

broadway musicals to work up here in

boston i've never performed outside of

this city and bambi

has had to fight her mother at every

step just to be in the chorus

but the rest of the cast are underpaid

and overworked

though surely not enough to drive any of

them to murder keep in mind that i'm

within arm's reach at any time of the

day or night

think i'm in some danger no that was

completely unrelated thought

you live with danger on a daily basis

don't you lieutenant oh

no i mean most of the time it's just

paperwork and procedure

detectives have no opening night miss

harris we make our entrance after the

curtain has fallen on someone else's

life

but it's a calling isn't it like a

doctor or a teacher

or an actor i suppose you're right

i can't imagine doing anything else of

my life it's not wrong to be married to

one's work is it

no not at all i mean

sometimes it's no honeymoon i love my

job

i really do and if i say so myself

i'm good at it too i catch the bad guys

well most of the time so it's a good

life

a perfectly good life

not exactly sublime

[Music]

when i finish my work and i crawl into

bed

i reflect as i turn out the lights

that the day that's to come and the week

that's ahead

will be lunch counter mornings and

coffee shop

nights lunch counter mornings

and coffee shop nights it's reassuring

to have such a dependable schedule

like matinees every wednesday yeah all

brisket and abroad means each thursday

with your friends yeah

my friends i like my pals

the guys on the force we're not very

social

they're all married of course sometimes

we go bowling

or out of your beers so it's a fine life

a perfectly fine life i'd give it

two tears

cause sometimes i think at the end of

the day

when i've read the last burglar his

rights

the life that i lead is a little bit

grey

with this little lunch counter mornings

and coffee shop

nights lunch counter mornings

and coffee shop nights but your acting

roles don't they make for a change

oh miss harris each year from may 23rd

to the 12th of june when i turn my life

over

to the swallow street players that's

more than a vacation for me

that's an overture of hope that's the

curtain rising on the greatest joy of my

life

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

but the rest of the year

the life that i lead

that's a little bit rain

there are plenty of low days and

not many highs

mostly lunch counter morning

i don't mean to appear forward but might

i walk you home

i'd be delighted but you said we're not

allowed to leave

[Music]

damn

[Music]

[Music]

but i just can't do this honey i've seen

you do this

in a previous life would somebody like

me to try

i promise they'll adore you almost as

much as i do

i can go from a grand jete right into a

split

and you're looking just great impossible

i know but somehow

i do it if one of you is the killer

would you please take her next

folks detective o'farrell is here with

the last delivery of clothes from your

hotel rooms

clean your bundles downstairs oh and in

one half hour

lieutenant chaffee will begin

questioning all toes and tenors

hair lieutenant rising from your

interrogation chamber to grace us with

your presence

well i've been stuck in the green room

all morning i needed to stretch my legs

at least you got to sleep in your own

bed last night yes well i am sorry about

that

i intrigued you don't i lieutenant

yes mr belindra it's both a director and

a suspect

lieutenant i got what you wanted oh yes

thank god and did you manage to pick out

the clothes for nikki harris that i

asked for

nothing but blues and greens just like

you said are you trying to set some kind

of

trap for her no i'm just trying to match

her eyes coming through watch yourself

gentlemen

me uh lieutenant frank chaffee homicide

you might tell me who you are and how

you got in here oh as a member of the

press i'm exempt from your quarantine

lieutenant

daryl grady of the boston globe after

your review of robin hood

i can't imagine why you'll show your

face here of all places i'm as mystified

as you the show's producers called and

asked

me to pay a visit that's right carmen

bernstein mr grady

you have our thanks for coming by if not

for your review listen i tried my

level best to say something good about

your production i praised the

choreography

and yet that young woman that played the

school mar nikki um harris

well i'm afraid it's all history now my

condolences on the loss of your star

and your show when you interviewed me

last week i told you we're going to

broadway

no matter what you wrote about us we're

keeping robin hood

open and once we've ironed out the kinks

we're asking you to review it again with

georgia hendricks in the lead

georgia hendricks you're lyricist she

hasn't been in the show for years

that's some story and yes there is a

precedent for

reappraising a show with a new lead all

right

tell you what i'll re-review your show

tomorrow night tomorrow it's the best i

can do and to be fair not many shows can

survive two bad reviews from the globe

in one week carmen go tell the cast

we've got 24 hours to hold a week of

rehearsals

if we fail you'll lift her sydney

i guess the reason you're such a lowlife

is because they built you so close to

the ground

good day lieutenant oh you just made it

one miss house

that dress goes very well with your eyes

nikki thank you

and i can't believe it mr daryl grady

am i allowed to offer my thanks for the

kind words you wrote please don't

misunderstand miss

harris but i try not to fraternize with

the artists i review but let me say you

did stand out in what was otherwise an

abundantly

misguided production

mr grady i thought your review of robin

hood was needlessly cruel and way off

the mark well i'm not sure you know how

to judge acting

lieutenant yes no of course i i mean you

are the expert

however i regret to inform you that i'm

now placing you under arrest for the

crime of murder

what have you lost your mind any

statement you make may be taken down in

writing and used against you in a call

of law this is insane what in god's name

are you saying i'm saying my best lines

from agatha christie's murder the

vicarage

i played chief of special slack for the

natick town players two summers ago yes

oh gosh did you think i was saying that

for real well i guess you don't know how

to judge acting mr grady

you can go now come on grady i'll walk

you to the door

swell acting lieutenant thank you

and not just on a community theater

level i mean

college how's your investigation coming

along oh i may ask

you know i've been going over the show's

financial records it

you were right everybody here is on the

same

equity minimum and not just newcomers

like you and bambi are your stars as

well

this is no place to talk let's me and

you get out of here for a little while

let me leave god damn

what are you doing lieutenant you must

clear the stage immediately

i have just been informed i have less

time to reinvent the show than moses had

to cross the red sea

and he had god on his side hey is this

true

i'm getting reviewed tomorrow nicki go

fetch bambi i have no choice but to

re-block in the same boat here

and now what well i'm gonna have to

watch this why

you think something's gonna happen no i

just really like this number

although what oh no it's nothing

but what oh gosh

i can't believe i'm saying this out loud

and uh shoot me my own gun if i'm out

online what is it

i just don't think simply changing the

choreography is gonna help it it's the

song itself it's kind of lackluster it

lacks yes

luster three women on the arkansas river

and a rowboat that's sinking fast trying

to get to the federal courthouse in

wichita

before the farmers lose their land it's

it's great stuff it's your 11 o'clock

number but

the music itself uh well i wonder could

we hear a little bit of it

sasha ladies sing for the lieutenant

would ya

here you go jaffy just for you

in the same boat on the same seat

shaking inside

as the tide keeps rising areas ship

carry a sail

bury a soul on the whole horizon oh how

we long to stand still

stomachs are in distress we need a

helping hand

[Music]

on friday still we are not discouraged

due to the ancient quote that you're

likely to win take it all on the chin

when you're in the same boat

[Music]

well you see what i'm saying i i mean

for such a big moment in the show it's

sort of mild mannered strangely enough i

agree

we need a completely new composition one

that's catchier than cholera oh

you want a hit yes and not some song

from one of your failed shows

either erin none of your einer kleiner

trunk music

listen chris if you expect me to come up

with anything you have to find me a

little private time with my piano

and my writing partner your writing

partner is now my dancing partner

and the star of this show if she doesn't

get this saloon number under her belt

tonight we're all finished

and i need to see that very number this

instant in full dress regalia

johnny tell the cast to change for the

act one finale from the final bar in the

bar at the barbie bath the moon

say again i can't say that again

mr belling's rehearsal takes priority so

if you need to change costume you'll go

right ahead

uh the rest of you please proceed to the

green room where detective o'farrell

is fingerprinting the entire company

that is unless someone would be kind

enough to explain why they committed

murder

no so let's clear the stage and give our

composer the solitude he needs

should buy you a few minutes alone with

your piano mr fox

alone yeah

must be uh must be quite the challenge

having to create when your writing

partner is uh

otherwise engaged yeah

could i ask and only because i've wanted

this my entire life but

what would normally come first the music

or the lyric same answer as the chicken

or the egg how the chicken the egg the

lyric the what

no a great melody doesn't always need a

lyric

or a lyricist well then how do you start

well it can start with a note

which can become a phrase

[Music]

and you try hanging words on each branch

like

trimming a tree well that sounds easy

enough really

well don't talk about love

or you'll have to say fits like a glove

or as certain as push comes to shove

you will pine for the woman you're

constantly thinking of

you see the problem so you're suggesting

to

to stay away from love that all costs

and don't mention your life

or you'll have to say cuts like a knife

or refer to the heartbreak and strife

when you find that you're missing your

missing what

you were saying watch a mess oh

[Music]

i miss the music

i miss the song

since she's not with me

it comes out wrong

it doesn't matter

how hard i try

i've lost the music

i don't know why

you may have known

before i met her

i rode along

but if you ask me

what i prefer

when you're writing a song and you've a

partner

the room is filled with jokes and

chatter

she says something you say something

she writes a line you

but when you're writing a song without a

partner

that's a completely different matter

no one tells you that's not funny

no one says let's cut that bar

no one makes you better

i can't pretend

i miss the music

i miss my friend

no need to ask me

what i prefer

i choose the music

i wrote with heart

i liked

[Music]

oh i'm sorry am i interrupting oh no i'm

afraid i'm the guilty party there

uh thank you mr fox for

for all your insights best of luck with

your upcoming number miss hendrix we'll

speak later

aaron i forgot my lyric can you believe

that me

well you're not the lyricist now you're

the star

how does it feel being back on the

boards terrifying

thrilling i've missed

the stage come on angel we gotta do that

away

right away must we it's our last chance

to land the number before we pack it in

for the night come on honey

erin i'm thinking you were right when

you said i was wrong for this

georgia break your leg

thank you you can finish the song

without me

i'm a one-man band

[Music]

no need to ask me

what i prefer

i choose the music

i wrote with her

i loved the music

i made

with hearts

[Applause]

[Music]

thank you

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

right

[Music]

i got my sights set on rob hood

but rob hood just left these parts with

miss nancy

the new school arm alan o'dell

ain't it funny how a cowardly lawman

from back east

knows so much about the man i plan to

brand

i'm gonna round up that rob hood and

hogtie his fancy miss nancy

[Music]

he made a

getaway he

left me flat away

[Music]

at times like this unmodern miss

[Music]

don't blow your bliss away

you might find out he's just about a

hug and kiss away

no matter which way

he takes that bitch away i'll drill

until he'll consent

[Music]

that way

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

thank you

[Music]

[Music]

it ain't just how you

[Music]

if you move this

away this away and shake it

that way that way there's every

chance you'll see you dance and holler

out away

[Music]

just wait and see i guarantee

your men won't slip away

[Music]

if

[Music]

what's

[Music]

did you see

that holy

cow what

the hell do

i do

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

if

[Music]

oh

[Music]

[Music]

is

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

that's fantastic

with georgia now it's dynamic and

uplifting leaving the audience champion

at the bid for act two

and look at this set who doesn't love

red

very good and as long as we're all in

our positions i want to fix our pose to

the act one curtain

uh sorry i'm sorry uh

you know i've had the chance to speak

with ollie and you seem like a terrific

bunch of people

but i'm afraid this briefcase contains

some very compromising evidence that

i've turned up about one of you

i don't want to point fingers but i have

some additional questions for the

president here

for the urgent carl from headquarters ah

shoot uh mr ballin you just uh go ahead

with what you were doing uh yes all

right so as i was saying i want to set

our pose for the act one curtain

so if you're all

[Music]

lights

as i thought as you were

looks like everybody but nikki here has

something to hide

there's nothing in the briefcase by the

way know i've questioned earlier

but i made a few phone calls and what do

i come up with i got a murder victim

named jessica cranshaw working at a

fraction of a usual salary

i got a distinguished director who

despised the late miss crash over slaves

to make this show work all the same

a dancer choreographer who turned down a

chance to work with balanchi to

have to do a song and dance for spare

change

ex-partners in music and marriage to

inexplicably

reunite though they no longer work in

harmony

a one-man bank named oscar shapiro

who despite having no prior interest in

theater

suddenly sinks one payment after another

into

this musical and a company

who celebrates when when their show was

torn at ribbons by the critics because

it means they're at long last able to

get better jobs back on broadway

what does this tell me that sid

bernstein

has been blackmailing every member of

this company into working on this show

yeah even you dances okay

so when i was starting out i gave sid

bernstein a private

audition which i hope would stay private

lieutenant i have to think most people

have something about themselves they'd

like to keep to themselves

i agreed mr fox and i'm not here to

uncover all your dark secrets

only the one that led someone to murder

jessica cranshaw people

i had no idea that this was how sydney

got too out of work so cheap

he's the one who handles the

negotiations well he won't be able to

deal his way out of breaking a law

ladies and gentlemen you will not be

blackmailed anymore

but but you are still murder suspects

now get back to work you may have joined

this show for the wrong reasons

but you have a contract damn straight

and oscar deserves a return on his

investment

thank you and because for the best way

for me to solve

jessica's murder is to keep the heat

turned up

in this pressure cooker of a theater and

lastly because

you know this this could be a really

good show

take it chris very good so company heads

up we're striking the set

what no johnny i'm not finished i still

have yet to fix our pose sorry

oh never mind let's have the last four

bars bobby

i'm ready everyone places now

five six seven eight

why is there no curtain we're having a

little trouble with it

i want it down now all right how's this

[Music]

did you see something go up as the

curtain went down my god raise the

curtain quick

curtain

johnny don't lower the curtain

[Music]

you better make it a blackout

[Music]

my

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

is

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

he's lost his lease so rest in peace the

man is dead

you can't sleep either huh knowing that

someone in this company is a killer

i thought i saw our director sneaking

around

murder is a very british thing isn't it

it's almost like a hobby over there

yeah if i had to bet i'd say

he did it

he did it he did it he did it he did it

he did it he did it i'm sure

although he appears without caution as

pious his principles

he

[Music]

you can't sleep either knowing that

someone in this company is a killer

i thought i saw bambi sneaking around

you know maybe she killed jessica so you

take over the lead and bambi could get

your party

that's just silly she should have just

killed me i never said that

if you ask me she did it

[Music]

she didn't she did it she did it she did

it she

[Music]

she did it she did it she did it then

hit it and now she

[Music]

you can't sleep either knowing that

someone in this company is going to

change my blocking

i thought i saw georgia and aaron

sneaking around yes

songwriting teams are always plotting

how to do in the director

and they're all quite quite mad i could

easily believe

they did it

they did it they did it they did it they

did

they went right ahead and they spotted

two people to say where they saw

the score well this is end of their

output

their future is not for the thing they

did it they did it they did it they hit

it and so they'll be going to sing

sing

[Music]

she did it

[Music]

although he appears

[Music]

sink

[Applause]

come on boys and girls rise and shine

we'll start with the new version of in

the same boat

your breakfast orders are waiting

downstairs your costumes are in your

dressing rooms oh and lieutenant jaffe

is here

morning folks welcome back lieutenants

to your marathon production of no

exit i've just come back from sid

bernstein's autopsy did they drive a

stake through his heart just to play

safe

chris not in front of his widow how are

you holding up carmen

you all sent out for breakfast and

nobody thought to tell me

well at least let's be considerate of

his daughter step daughter

and as his very own step flesh and

step blood he was as cold to me as he

was to my mother

breakfast is gonna get cold if you don't

eat now folks come on

wow at least this time we all have an

alibi

well everybody was standing around on

stage when sydney got the old

uh heave-ho uh no no

the commoner says that sid bernstein was

struck on the head before he died

someone knocked him out backstage before

you rehearsed george's number

they wrapped a counterweight rope around

his neck knowing that when the curtain

fell

the rope would finish the job if he

wasn't dead already

bernstein regained consciousness just in

time to die

my god the first time my husband was

ever accused of being hung

so you see he could have been killed by

by anybody with access to this stage

including you johnny what does that mean

we found a copy of variety with the

words cut out of it in the stage

manager's office that's your office

well chris and oscar have keys as well

well seems that you three gentlemen are

my first official murder suspects well

it's an honor just to be nominated

but you're all still under suspicion i

found this little black book in

bernstein's breast pocket uh

each page has the name of a company

member and a notation in bernstein's

secret personal code

it look familiar oh it's obviously a

notation on why each of you will be in

blackmail

no meaning no i wasn't being blackmailed

but also meaning no

i've just found more death threats and

they're covered with my fingerprints

once again ah

that's all right miss harris you've

already proven yourself to be

trustworthy and forthcoming and just

just the lovely thank you

dear sydney end the show or it's the end

of you

oh my god well sid bernstein died for

nothing he

he told me he was gonna close the show

when did he tell you that

in his office right before he got

hoisted

he he told me somebody at just that

minute changed his mind about

keeping robin hood open and i should

save my money for his next boston show

oh then i saw him go upstairs to watch

georgia rehearse her big number oh

he gave me back the very last check i

wrote him but he can give it back to me

i am not

closing the show come on oscar let's put

this check in a safe place

it felt very safe in my pocket

what's the matter lieutenant it's been

troubling me since yesterday i

i just don't know why why bobby

what of all the people on this stage

you all right lieutenant spit it out you

should be in the fort henderson square

dance number

big pardon it'd stop the show after all

wouldn't rob hood go to the big picnic

disguised as alan o'dell

it makes sense and daryl grady from the

globe loved bobby's dancing

bobby can you improvise a short turn in

time for tonight sure

but i don't know if i can make the

costume change for the next scene well

for god's sakes bobby it's only losing a

bandana and putting on a mask would it

kill you to try

we'll time it out now johnny the fort

henderson square dance number the ford

henderson square dance number

oh well now we're getting somewhere erin

for the love of mike

we need the latest rewrite to promise

are in the same boat i already did it

without me yeah honey we rehearsed it

last night while you're getting fitted

to be honest i think it turned out

pretty well

well can i hear it

sure i changed it to rob hood and his

men

heading up the mighty colorado you know

a real a he-man approach

sasha a quick course of in the same boat

uh randy horne help me out here

well if you just wrote it last night

what are the musicians playing i wrote a

brand new melody that fit the old

orchestra parts

very smart i think we got it nailed take

a look

five six seven eight here we are

my shipmates and me lost on

a windy sea

all the planks a spring and a leak

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

i'm sorry i'm sorry uh believe me that

was a bold attempt and it certainly

contained some of that

vim we've been looking for but there's

just something missing well of course

we only had half a songwriting team

working on this version i'm doing the

best i can

excuse me everyone i just had a thought

oh how long we've waited

for this day if we're adding bobby to

the kansas land number it so happens

that he and i have been working on a

dance routine that's perfect

for my princess kickapoo character and

him

we have been messing about with an

apache apache dance

it's a pas de da for two

well it would save us a lot of time if

it was ready to go bobby we've only

talked it through i'm ready

carmen rambi's the spawn of your loins

yes or no well normally i'd say over my

dead body but i don't want to give

anybody ideas

sure let her take a shot at it come on

georgia we better go tell the cast

erin i thought you were gonna write us a

better version of in the same boat

we just played the new one didn't you

hear it i did

aaron i thought you're gonna ride us a

better version of in the same boat

i'm putting in the same boat into dry

dark for the time being

please aaron come back when you have a

new song

[Laughter]

thank you for the chance mother oh it's

called giving you enough rope to hang

yourself

elaine maybe not my best choice of words

you always make fun of me in front of

other people perhaps i should leave

oh no you have dreams of being in the

theater chaffey you should hear this too

elaine as a broadway producer there's

something much more important to me than

you

getting a star turn what me

turning a prophet i've never been known

as

one of those stupid clocks elaine

bambi who pisses away a lot of her

hard-earned box

elaine bambi

though it breaks your mother's heart

forget about the part

it's time for you to know why i

really backed this show

[Music]

you asked me for my motives well you

needn't be so smart

it's a business

it isn't making history it isn't making

art it's a business

and don't bother me with moliere those

russians never pay

so go on criticize me please proceed

with your attack

it's a business

i put 1 million in and i expect 2

million back

it's a business

so what crime have i committed if i'm

putting up a fight

it's a business

and i want those paying suckers out

there

giving me the business every night

am i getting through to you elaine oh

i'm sorry mother but to me

the theater is a temple what so we

should only be filled on the sabbath

i'll give me a hand fellas wow

very funny you know what i mean back me

up

not the prophet theaters don't need to

turn a buck that's not business

that's not business so give them less

estrada

and i'll wish them lots of luck i do

business she does business

[Music]

[Music]

knew a producer whose pretension knew no

bounds

in the business in the business

he amended samuel beckett i don't mean

it like

it's him it was business

it was business so now he's down the

crapper

whilst i'm working in my prime it's a

business

it's a business and the shows i do do

business

yes i really know my business and i'm

giving them the business honey

all the time

but what about the great poets of the

state honey

i put on the iceman comment that nobody

came up

come on boys two stage hands to

the dressers two musicians in the pit

itself it's a business

the owner of these premises cleans up if

we're a hit

he's in business he's in business

see i'm not devoid of culture but my

feet are

on the floor it's a business

it's a business i do the karma sutra

with a rich and

rugged score that's good

yes green's my favorite color and i

don't mean on the grass

it's a business

[Music]

is

[Applause]

[Music]

and it's strictly business when i say

you are not

star material elaine that's my opinion

and i don't care who knows it

well i think my dance number could be

very

provocative sweetie the only thing you

could arouse is suspicion

chris the company's ready to run the

square dance oh joy beyond my wildest

dreams

and carmen how many more hours do we

have left before we're re-reviewed by

daryl grady of the boston globe grady

you're not what i expected but then i've

never actually seen a picture of you

complete anonymity is a critic's best

tool

well i suppose i shouldn't bite the hand

that slaps me but it's

it's unethical to review our rehearsal

you forget i report on theater for the

globe as well as review it your show is

news and i'm setting aside my customary

professional distance to interview

members of your company down in the

green room

with your permission mrs bernstein free

publicity carmen

poor sydney he would have died to get

this much press

and he did the green room is yours grady

all right then company the four tenders

and square dance

bambi auditioning a new section with

bobby uh this i gotta see

let's keep all our fingers crossed so

let's follow the yellow brick road in

the wrong direction

all the way back to kansas land sasha

yeehaw

come every second sunday of each month

throughout the year

the women folk head out from town to

greet the soldiers here

we bring them home yeah that's all these

ladies shared

there ain't no chance of romance when

the dance is strictly square

in kansas

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

these ladies swear the good book is the

one book they believe

yet think about when adam found himself

alone with eve there was no preacher

present when he gave his mate a quirrell

but where'd we be if eve had not been

that kind of girl

he hands us the land where the prairie

meets the sky

in kansas

[Music]

we're always

[Music]

there came to old fort henderson young

princess geekboo

who kept her wigwam warming that was

every two she knew

her tribal dance was worth the glance

her hips go pow wow wow

when this says the soldiers cry

[Music]

so

so

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Applause]

hello

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

so

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

step back i got men pulsing all the

excess so nobody's getting out

including whoever fired that shot bobby

hey

i'm bleeding yeah it looks like just a

flesh wound did anybody see anything

bobby how many people knew you believed

in what you did well no one i was trying

it for the first time

that's some fancy shooting it was too

fancy unless you weren't the person they

were trying to shoot

everybody go back to where you were when

the bobby was shot now you people stay

right there

hold on aren't we all sitting ducks here

whoever fired that shot has had more

than enough time to fire again if they

didn't mind getting caught now

go back to your places guys there was a

there's a barrel here

that's right okay that's where the

bullet entered

an excellent saw your graves bobby's arm

may have been intended for you randy

why aren't you wounded i am deep down

you can ask him why

uh you usually stood here at this point

in the number no when bobby jumped i

moved to give him room so most likely

you weren't the target either

still following its path the bullet must

have been aimed at

you nikki you were here when bobby was

shot i'm not sure is it important well

if it were here you couldn't very well

have shot it yourself and i can rule you

out as being the killer you hadn't

already ruled me out lieutenant

wait a second bobby you're holding that

handkerchief against your left arm

well it's bleeding but that's impossible

if the shot came from out there you were

leaping with your right side to the

audience

there's no way the bullet could have

grazed the left side of your left arm

guys there was a skull and crossbone

facing the audience

oh i must have said it the wrong way

around yes

so it's exactly the opposite the bullet

must have been fired from behind the

upstage guard tower

they came through the barrel graves

bobby at the end of his leap on its way

to

you me yeah and here's the bullet

but that would mean that the shot was

fired somebody on this stage or behind

that scenery

you people offstage were you with

anybody

so the only people who couldn't defied

the shot were carmen and sasha

because you were both downstage of

by the way don't you think that bobby's

dance should be much further downstairs

than it were

i was planning on having the same idea

yeah look i'm sorry but we're going to

have to search everybody for a gun

well what are you going to do for that

oh she did it she did it she did it

she did it please stop that

nikki owl what are you doing with that

oh i found it back there it's an

automatic so i guess it can't be a prop

in our western story at least i won't be

leaving my fingerprints on the evidence

this time there's tape wrapped around

the handle and the um

my gosh i might have killed you frank

just ah hand me the gun very slowly

nikki

well i have something to say

to which every one of you tried to knock

me off

knock it uh lieutenant

yes donnie we're way overdue for a break

yeah okay sorry okay back in ten

everybody we're clearing the set

chaffey you're gonna protect me right

there's already been two murders

committed on the stage

three if you count the integrity of

musical theater

you couldn't be surrounded by more

police than you are at the moment mrs

bernstein

come on mother you should get something

to eat oh if you're nervous

i'll taste your food for you you have no

taste elaine

i've seen your makeup your closet and

your boyfriends and i've seen a couple

of your boyfriends in the closet with

your makeup

you never have a good word to say about

me do you

especially in public i thought i did

pretty good in that last number

no big deal considering the 15 years of

ballet

and jazz and circus training i paid for

my professional opinion is that you just

don't have what it takes

i'm sorry but you volunteered for this

life you

dyed your hair changed your name

why have all the names on earth that you

pick bambi

because in the movie bambi's mother is

shut to death by hunters

somebody just tried to do that to me

sweetheart i noticed nobody's ruled you

out

come on oscar i got the keys to the

lobby bar

i'll fix us some bloody marys

well despite what your mother says i

i thought you were great in that kansas

land number

lieutenant i really appreciate that uh

it's me who should be thanking you your

dance really was good bambi

yeah better than i could have imagined

kiddo

oh well it's like i told you bobby just

give me a chance and i won't let you

down

and pay no attention to what your mother

said at least no one can claim that

you're in the show because of nepotism

i guess that's pretty obvious

believe me lieutenant bambi's not the

girl in this cast has used personal

connections to help her career

well what do you mean by that

sorry a stage manager's equal part

psychiatrist

mother hen and father confess it would

anyone in this cast shares with me i

consider privileged information

besides what i know lieutenant

i don't think you wanna uh georgia

oh there you are ah aaron good could i

talk to the 3u about uh bernstein's

little black book of blackmail you know

he had a memo about each cast member

with three noteworthy exceptions you

you and you i'll go and buy this book

bernstein had nothing on you but the

production budget says you were getting

the same raw deal as the rest of the

cast

why are you toiling for pennies well you

could be doing so much better elsewhere

well nobody got anything to say well can

you blame us

as i recall one of those death threats

said if you make another sound you'll

end up

underground exactly

but georgia i never read that particular

death threat out loud

what nicki and the late jessica crash

are the only two cast members to have

seen it other than the person who sent

it of course

well then i guess nikki told me i told

her not to tell anybody i didn't frank

i told you i wouldn't so i didn't well

i'm sorry but i'm gonna have to book you

on suspicion of murder i think she's

ridiculous nikki would you be able to go

on tonight

oh now i get it you want to give a

little boost

to your sweetheart's career my

relationship with nikki harris is purely

that a police investigator and possible

murder suspect no it's not it's not no

i'm really liking you frank

feel is reciprocal i can assure you i'm

very glad to hear that

i'm also glad i was doing something

arresting me oh yes yes it makes perfect

sense

jessica cranshaw's death please don't

forget what we were saying

jessica cranshaw's death gave you the

chance to star

on broadway and when sid bernstein

decided to close the show in boston

his death kept your chance alive you're

gonna have to come with me miss hendrix

wait a second lieutenant i'm the one you

want

you're confessing to the murders mr fox

you heard what i said that's not an easy

thing to retract

think about what you're doing i have

this is a great thing that's happening

in your life i'm not important now

that is very noble but you are you are

on record as being dead set against

georgia taking that role no i just said

that because i knew if she took the part

you wouldn't have time to write with me

be with me that's how sydney got me to

work for nothing

it was the only way i knew to be near

her again

suck out of town together huddle over a

piano each night who knows what might

have happened

that's how sydney got me to do the show

too aaron

i wanted the same thing you did i do

but you and bobby forget that

i don't understand i didn't want you to

not until i knew how you felt but

you always seemed so preoccupied with

your music

because our songs were the one place you

and i were still together

you said our songs our songs

our life what was i thinking when i let

you slip away

oh yeah i was thinking of me

only of me

what was i thinking spending each moment

of each waking day thinking of me

shouting you out sometimes

making you wait sometimes

too self-involved to say how i do

need you

but why pretend

i miss the music

i miss

[Music]

i choose the music

[Music]

with you

wait a second choppy you know how i knew

that particular death threat

because you showed it to me when you

were questioning me and you were going

to arrest me for murder

well i guess the joke's on me i'm

lieutenant i hereby officially unconfess

to everything except

being a fool aaron our director needs to

see you on the double

i'm excused sure go go

i'll see you downstairs partner partner

thank you lieutenant you played your

part very effectively and what a tweet

it was to share a scene with you

and a fair exchange you got aaron to

show you his cards i found out why you

both came on board with this show

you and georgia staged all that yes it

was her idea a good one i thought

and you were playing your part too

wasn't your bobby

i plead guilty to impersonating george's

devoted lover when we first started

rehearsals i asked bobby if you pretend

we're involved again to see if i could

stir up something

anything and aaron good job oh thank you

bobby i'm so grateful

just a polite reminder yeah you're both

still

suspects right

but bobby i i may have found out why

georgia and aaron work for sydney

bernstein but i still don't know your

reasons

i always wanted to give the performance

of a lifetime

oh fooling aaron by acting as if you

were in love with georgia

fooling georgia that i'm acting there's

nothing i wouldn't do for her

except commit murder

even that if she asked me

oh frank why does love make so many

people feel

bad the public should be warned that

cupid is armed and dangerous

maybe romance should be left strictly in

the hands of the police

if you mean present company i'd vote yes

on that proposition oh

miss harris please call me frank i mean

please call me frank

may i be bold i already know you are

you know i never believed in that whole

some enchanted evening thing

until now you know the first time i saw

you

there was a blue wash on this stage and

then they they hit you with a

pink special it was just like

[Music]

it was just like a musical frame

you know nikki i i thought to myself

i thought you and i

we could be a

tough act to follow

can't you see special

people doing special things

running rings around

any pair way

you and i

we could stay a tough

act to follow in every way

if you hold my hand and let the

music stop

[Music]

step step stop hop slap step slap step

step stomp

it's called a time step you've done this

before

how about a spotlight of your own frank

harry put him in pink

oh

[Music]

i know

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

oh

[Music]

so

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

with me

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

anywhere

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

in every way

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

step stop

[Music]

what were you just saying i said it was

just like a musical huh

frank nikki what were you doing just now

oh it's silly

no no no go ahead i was imagining we

were singing and dancing together just

like marge and gower champions

so was i isn't that incredible that both

of us have the exact same fantasy at the

exact same time

margin gower champion wow in your

fantasy which one was i

gower yeah me too and the song we were

singing would make for a great opening

number or a finale

would you like to go out you won't let

me i keep forgetting

i can't make any exception even though

you are exceptional oh frank

from the moment i first shook your hand

i had a feeling take your hand

what shook your hand

nikki aya

i think it's time you told me what sid

bernstein had on you

nothing really unlike the rest of this

cast i actually want to be in this show

i have gotten some wonderful reviews

here in boston

but this is the best chance i've ever

had abroad johnny hinted that a woman in

the cast to do some secret personal

connection

to advance her career and that i

wouldn't like knowing who she was did he

mean you

every show is filled with gossip on here

didn't say no

who is it i made a promise to someone

that i wouldn't talk about it and i

don't break promises

you know in sid bernstein's notebook

with the cody memos about each person's

secret

alongside your name he'd written a great

big zero

i'm glad oh maybe it was the letter o

oscar

the sandwich you ordered this year for

crying out loud nikki

you have to get into your castle oh

sorry sorry

folks five minutes on stage

you might want to step away from the

trap lieutenant

lieutenant when it switched on everybody

downstairs can hear you

you tell me now what you know about

nikki harris

in what capacity are you asking that

question officer of the law or jealous

boyfriend

can what i say be held against me or

will you just hold it against me if i

don't say what you want to hear

i hadn't finished questioning the caster

and i'm not finished with you

ben i'll need to see the in the same

boat drop

[Music]

whatever you're playing it's not from

the score of this show come here my

sweetheart

come here who's that don't be afraid i

won't hurt you

look this is no time to joke we've had

two people die oh

sorry dear fellow didn't mean to put a

frightened you trying to catch poor

ophelia here

been with the theater for eons

apparently chased a mouse into the pit

and got stuck amid the percussion

instruments

i'll put her in her basket just down the

stairs

i'm set here ben take five

q59 drop in

planet earth

got away from our genius director did

you ophelia

come here kitten don't be afraid

oh oh that's funny i

thought you were

hey if you're worried i'm gonna tell

anybody what i know about

you and

[Music]

me

don't you think we're too easy at target

up here in the flies lieutenant i found

the gun used on johnny in the orchestra

pit uh

nikki found the gunfire to come and i'm

sort of hoping the killer's run out of

guns by now

but it's been hours since porchani was

murdered what purpose could you have for

dragging me up here because you know the

most about the technical cues in this

show

then why do you need me last time i

spoke with johnny

you were the topic of conversation i

don't want you out of my sight

until i figure out his dying message

dying message

johnny knew his killer he only had

seconds to live

he couldn't ride he couldn't speak the

blood stains on the stage tell us they

he dragged himself to his call book he

ripped out this one page

uh on which he'd written the words drop

in planet earth

well drop in is simply the term we use

for scenery that's lowered from up here

in the flies

exactly scenery drops in mountain drops

in peter pan drops in

there's a drop of the planet earth at

the end of in the same boat there will

never be an end to in the same boat

[Music]

listen they're rehearsing the latest

version now same bloody orchestra part

third new melody

collect the entire series same orchestra

down there i want to kill myself up here

i'll be murdered

i'm sure we're safe as long as all three

of us keep together all three

all three nicky that's it we gotta get

down there fast this way

retreat after me you stick with him

nikki i need to find out what's written

on the back of this drop be careful

frank

the killer may know you're on to him yep

says planet earth all right just as

johnny was trying to tell us before he

was killed

isn't it amazing you can be totally

stumped and suddenly a light bulb goes

off

[Music]

not bad we can make that work no this

version is no better than any of the

other versions

yeah something's not right i'll tell you

what's not right us singing our merry

little heads off when

johnny just got killed a couple of hours

ago johnny sydney jessica all murdered

on this

stage which one of us gets it next

nicki what's the matter why were you

screaming no that was me

the lights went out as we were

descending i thought nikki was trying to

push me

why would i ever do that nikki are you

all right

i think so frank thank god folks

the answer has been staring us in the

face the entire

time i need to see the music for this

number quick uh

it's right here why'd you want it

because i think i've solved it

i can't believe it took me so long let

me see

damn what's the matter frank i just

remembered i can't read music

never mind basic logic tells me aaron

you wrote all three versions of in the

same boat to fit the same orchestra part

right

right well if all three versions fit the

same arrangement they must all fit

together

that's what will give this number the

kick in the derry air it's been needing

the whole company singing three

different songs at the exact same time

it'll make few for tin horn sound like

frerezeka

but what about the mergers oh will you

forget about the murders for a second

you said you've got it that you solved

it solved how to salvage this number

i want to run this now bring in this set

johnny

he's dead all right well i forgot that

uh

uh places from the top of the park uh

we're gonna uh bring in the riverbed i

want the ladies

and rob hood trying to get to the

steamboat to wichita before the farmers

lose their land

is everybody on board with that aye

captain that's lieutenant

okay ladies and gentlemen let's clear

the decks

okay ship shape uh

it's just a georgia at the top

no no no no no let's let's start it off

slow

[Music]

in the same boat on the same sea

shaking inside as the tide keeps rising

near your ship near yourself

near your soul on the whole horizon

[Music]

all the planks a spring and a leak

we'd like to be lodged we forgot the

pill and we regret

to say our compass is gone

but somehow we

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

as if that wasn't enough they lost an

oar they

[Music]

the waves are laughing a lot the sharks

are snapping a lot

the thunder's climbing a lot just hear

it roaring

cause it's easy to win take it all on

the chin when you're in the same boat

and the men go rolling around the bend

while the ladies up the creek come

sail it into view let's put it all

[Music]

together

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

that was

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

is

[Music]

[Applause]

congratulations lieutenant you've

greatly improved the number as well as

the likelihood that i'll take credit

for it straight word talking i agree but

what about the killer yes well

now i think that the answer has to be in

the clue that johnny gave us a

drop in planet earth the earth on us

stays the world on a stage

all the world's a stage shakespeare

shakespeare huh

these are actors we're all spirits that

are melted into air

my god that's it that's what johnny

meant chris

i did it sorry i always take credit for

everything what do you want

i need to see the end of the show just

before jessica collapsed the company

bows oh my god that's the last thing we

need to be wrong

you think i don't know that please

very well places for the company bows

people i'll need johnny's microphone and

nikki uh

and nikki i i got a way to wrap this up

fast but it means putting you at some

risk frank you do what you have to do

thanks randy fox

folks i got a little announcement to

make is for the cast and all my men

downstairs

nick you and i just got engaged

okay i want to see this just before the

boughs congratulations lieutenant

uh yes of course uh we're very happy uh

carmen

oscar uh aaron well you know you were

watching from the

from the house that night watch for me

now see if you notice anything different

so i should go

[Music]

no it was pretty much like this opening

night

oh right here comes the leading lady

you are a hearth but what are you doing

there javier you're in the show

on the bowser had to quick change into a

tuxedo and give jessica these plastic

flowers she demanded a bouquet at every

performance

she also wanted us to play the star

spangled banner to guarantee her a

standing ovation

yeah i'd come down the island hand these

flowers up to jessica

so you will put on a tuxedo you come

down the air with a bouquet of flowers

and hand them to jessica and what would

she be doing

well she'd be singing

did nobody notice anything different on

opening nights lieutenant

now that you mention it i think when she

took the flowers she moved her hand to

her mouth as if she was covering a yawn

or like something just struck a throat

well when you put it that way yeah i saw

it too it happened right after jessica

took the second bouquet

second bouquet oh yes on opening night

she got two bouquets oh yeah

the first from harv standing on that

aisle and another from someone standing

in this aisle

he was wearing a tuxedo but the flowers

hit his face yeah

i noticed it myself but i just figured

carmen had hired an extra hand for

opening night

just to boost jessica's ego not a chance

well maybe with someone who

genuinely likes jessica's performance no

i think we can rule that one out so

that's it

that's that's how the killer did it

he already knew about the bouquet and on

opening night came down the hour with

his own flowers which hit both his face

and something as simple as a pelican he

fired the capsule at point blank range

right into jessica's mouth and she was

singing it and that is how

your star was murdered on stage in full

view of you and your audience

that means we're all in the clear no no

nick

not everybody was on stage at that

moment where were you

mr belling taking a walk alone as you

damn well know aaron

you say you were back in the theater

that night yes and like every other man

in the audience at opening night i was

wearing a tuxedo and i'll swear i was

with him the entire time

i'm sure you would oscar i was with

carmen sitting in the back row of the

stalls

i think she would have noticed if i got

up out of my seat

and headed for the stage that's right

that's so very right

only one person had the perfect

opportunity and powerful motive

toffee mommy somebody hit me

if that's bobby who's this

your devoted admirer nikki determined to

bring down the curtain on robin hood

because if this show made its way to

broadway you'll be forever out of his

sphere of influence

as fear represented by the circle next

to your name in bernstein's black book

as fear that was the clue that johnny

tried to give us as he died

a planet named earth or a shakespeare

put it

the great globe itself the boston globe

and his senior critic daryl great

careful toffee or no one will ever want

to see her face again

easy daryl easy for you you're going to

marry her

i heard you say so over the house ba she

loves you she never loved me

like i swear i didn't know oh but she

did know you daryl didn't she

oh yeah yeah you shun publicity your

picture's never been published

but she came right up to you yesterday

and tried to shake your hand for all the

compliments you paid i asked turn not to

tell anyone we knew each other so that i

could praise and proclaim her in my

reviews

but he was just a friend giving me

advice it was never more than that

it was more than that to me nikki i

needed you to stay here where i could

hail you and

guide you but this infernal musical was

going to new york no matter what i wrote

about it that's what sid bernstein said

watching the show in previews you saw a

way to guarantee that jessica crasher

would never make her way to broadway

as a critic on opening night you could

rush out of your seat right after the

finale without any eyebrow being raised

retrievable k from the lobby

and then come right down the aisle as

the ultimate showstopper yes

and i tried to shoot tormund the same

way i posted closing notices for jessica

and

johnny an imperfect performance on my

part

but one learns from one's mistakes right

nikki

daryl daryl i uh

i see you're out of guns i mean how far

do you think you're gonna get from this

theater without one

good point set your own gun down for me

i don't know

now fine

fine just don't hurt get back

now i'm gonna take nikki from you know

you already have frank don't take one

step and you're dead

fine you're dead

you know in situations like this i

always unload the gun in my shoulder

holster take the bullets and put them in

this

nikki come here grady you're under

arrest

nicely played finally

the review i've been waiting for

but you have disgraced the noble

profession of theatrical journalism

one that goes right back to plato while

your deeds have led you

to the leadings role in crime and

punishment at the charles street jail

where i predict a long record-breaking

run oh farrell show him how to exit

stays right

no no no no that was very nice what you

said about critics chaffey

oh well i i meant that sincerely and

plus you never know who's in your

audience

now company you all witness grady's

confession i need you to head to the

green room to make a brief statement and

then

you've only got a few hours left before

your new opening night

play him off sasha

hey bobby you okay do you want some help

no i think i'm

maybe i could use a little help well

it's like i told you

just give me a chance and i won't let

you down

hey if robin hood is a hit toffee

i have you to think you ever want a

vested suit in a nice gabardine you just

dropped by my showroom for you

lieutenant

anything in the store 10 off

funny suddenly i feel a flock of

butterflies coming out of hibernation in

my stomach

well you've both got a lot of work to do

and there's not a lot of time before

tonight's curtain

yes lots of unfinished business to take

care of

before and after the show

any additional notes before we raise the

curtain lieutenant

actually yes nikki and i did have a

dream of an idea about a new finale

i'm sure we'll be singing a different

tune if you think that we should

oh and by the way bravo the great

detective

bravo the great director

frank i didn't have a clue about daryl

grady well i had more than one and it

still took me a while to figure him out

well now the mystery's solved is our

engagement over

maybe we could discuss that after

tonight's show

i know this uh coffee shop where i'm on

very good terms with the management

frank we have a date

another triumph lieutenant oh thanks

i'll see you back at the station good

work

oh nice going

choppy you put life into a show that was

dying and now they'll put grady away for

life

well i had a lot of help uh especially

from you me

yeah you and your daughter i told her

how much she'd shown me in that

square-dance number of hers

she was great well better than great

finally to hear you say it

you had me as flim-flammed as everybody

else

until i saw how really good she was and

i turned to see the look of pride in

your face as you watched it

you tell everybody it's a business but i

found you out carmen

you are the stage mother of all time

yeah you married sid bernstein you you

put up with all his affairs and shady

deals just to get

your daughter onto the broadway stage

but so that nobody could ever accuse her

of getting there on your coattails you

always belittle her talent in public

even if she hates you for it you can't

let her know

i wanted to think she got it all on her

own

you are amazing

but how did knowing that help you catch

grady

oh it didn't

i just explained why you killed your

husband

what oh great he killed my husband

no no grady killed jessica and johnny

and tried to kill you

because he wanted the show close but

that's exactly what your husband was

gonna do well then he was killed by

someone he was black

uh if that was the case they would have

taken that little black book with them

though he must have told you he was

closing

he didn't tell me he was closing this

but he told oscar why would he tell you

you were his partner because the

partnership was

over he had himself a conniving little

ingenue on certain place that i was out

in the street

oh so he didn't need you he didn't need

anybody

grady had promised him raid reviews for

his next three shows

if he shut this one down now so your

husband did tell you he was closing the

show

but how would you know the terms of a

deal he made with grady moments before

he died

if you weren't the last person to see

him alive he laughed at me

no more shows no more dreams

and after all i had to take from

him

he laughed at me in a lane like we were

nothing

and

and i killed him of course you did

so what happens to me now

lieutenant

on impulse yeah you lashed out at you

blackmailing unfaithful husband when he

told you your daughter wouldn't get the

chance for which you'd sacrificed every

a decent lawyer might get you a couple

of years on a reduced charge

a great lawyer might get you an alex

penn pay weekend in sunny san diego

but you'll have to stand trial i know

why don't we uh why don't we build your

daughter's pot up some more

and add another song or two for nicki

and maybe i don't solve your part of the

mystery until after this show opens up

on broadway

you would do that oh frank

you give me that and i'll let you walk

me out of the cast party at sardi's

straighten to police headquarters i'll

have you watch night and day till then

i understand

[Music]

but if the show goes to new york what

about you and nikki

ah there's always a spot in the nypd for

a boston police lieutenant who doesn't

mind a cut in rank and pay

chaffee you know what

i think you're one of us

there's a special

kind of people known as

[Music]

show people

we live in a world

full of dreams

sometimes we're not too certain

what's false and what's real

but we're seldom in doubt

about

lieutenant you're experienced with

assault and battery i think bobby may

need some first aid he's a bit wobbly on

his feet from getting hit on the head by

grady let me take a look at him with

only hours before the curtain goes up

and i'm afraid you may not rise to the

occasion

ah don't worry chris the call of places

everyone is like smelling salts to any

trooper

the sound of the orchestra playing its

overture will be pure adrenaline

his aches will be bathed in the warmth

of the spotlight

his spirits will be lifted by the hands

of an adoring throng

whose applause will sustain bobby right

through the very last scene

of robin hood

[Music]

[Music]

faces

[Music]

[Applause]

oh

wow he shot that other bullet in half

look it's rob hood

[Music]

i wonder what face belongs to those lips

i long

to kiss this face why

it's that friendly llaman from the east

i was so crazy about

but i thought you were all done with us

not now i finally found myself a home

a place where i belong keep it company

with the people i care most about

you came to us a stranger rid this place

of crime

and gave us new hope in ourselves that's

gonna be one tough act to follow well

how's this will you be my lawful wedded

wife miss nikki

nancy oh yes i will

[Music]

if you hold my

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

oh

i know

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

so

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

it is

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

oh yes

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

you