Original subtitles

Holy shit!

What holy shit?

Holy shit!

What holy shit?

Someone just donated $5 ,000 to Petsail Hearts.

Holy shit.

So what's the story? Does it say who it was?

Well, it says anonymous donor.

Who would donate $5 ,000 and not want to brag about it?

Can we find out somehow?

Nah, it's impossible.

Usually with these anonymous donations, it's hidden through the back end of the

payment system.

I thought you were supposed to be some expert hacker.

I am.

Well, then find out who it is. This person obviously has some level of power

they can just donate 5Gs at the drop of a hat. Maybe they could do more for the

program.

Exposure. Oh, yeah. What are we supposed to do, huh?

Track them down, bang on their door, and demand another handout?

Uh, yeah.

Dude, 5K is a pretty big handout.

Which means they could take us to the next level.

This person is probably famous.

A reporter, businessman, or something.

Enforcement!

We need to take this national.

No, global.

With pet seal hearts.

Hack the system.

Are you listening to this? I just told you, I can't.

Okay, so basically what you're telling me is you're some faux hacker?

I thought you could crack into any online code.

I can.

Just don't think it's worth it.

I mean, what's the incentive?

The incentive is to not let you make out with me.

Ew, did I just say that?

With tongue?

Ew! No tongue, no deal.

You know what? Fine.

Tongue, whatever.

Sacrifices I make for this charity.

You two better not forget this.

You're not weirded out about the other night, are you?

No.

I'm used to having company.

Yeah, I know.

What do you know?

You've told me all about your history of you hooking up with servers at your

restaurant and wine reps and patrons and delivery girls.

So don't try and act all innocent with me now.

Okay. The other night was different. I promise.

I've developed a pretty spot -on bullshit meter since the whole Sigma Pi

debacle.

So I suggest you set your sights on someone else, because you and I, we're

hooking up again.

Okay, that was hardly a hookup.

We barely even kissed, and you don't get to develop a spot -on bullshit meter

just because you refuse to put yourself out there again.

Well, either way, it doesn't matter, because I'm not interested.

You're desperately interested.

I appreciate you playing hard to get.

Dean, I'm serious.

I'm not interested.

And even if I was, I've known you for three and a half years and you've never

once had a girlfriend. That's like a gigantic stay away sign.

Maybe because the person I really liked was you.

You're so full of crap.

You don't think it's weird that I have this reputation for hooking up with all

these girls, meanwhile you and I...

I've been hanging out, flirting for the last three years, and I never once made

a move on you until the other night.

I'm calling bullshit, but thanks for playing.

All right, I'm out of here.

See you later, Romeo.

Oh, my God.

It's 8 a .m. Are you still hacking?

Fucking A, man. And I'll tell you another thing.

I found out who the donor is.

Yeah, okay.

I'm not making out with you until I've brushed my teeth and had at least three

shots of vodka.

What's wrong?

It was Josh Rochette.

Josh Rochette?

What the fuck happened?

As in Madison's Josh Rochette?

As in the guy who uploaded over a hundred selfies in one week?

That's the guy.

With him, no question about it.

But why would he do that?

No clue.

We can't tell her. Tell me what?

It's Josh Rochette.

Olivia!

Sit.

So how do I look?

Beautiful. Beautiful or intimidating?

Beautiful.

I'm trying to look intimidating.

Then you do look intimidating.

I do, don't I? It's the Atkins diet. And these stilettos.

Who are you trying to intimidate? Our new pledges. And once they hear my

initiation plan, they're totally going to be intimidated.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, and it's all thanks to you.

To me?

Yeah, you single -handedly humiliated a completely innocent girl.

All for your fraternity, without a shred of regret.

So, I'm going to see which one of my new pledges will do that for Delta Gamma.

Look, you don't have to test people's loyalty like that. There are other ways.

Yeah, but this is, like, way more fun. I mean, listen to this and tell me that

this isn't more malicious than your scheme from freshman year.

So we have this new pledge. Her name is Stacy. She lives with this geeky girl

named Lori.

Totally bushy -browed, virgin girl, obsessed with the color pink.

Wears elastic waistband pants and old lady t -shirts. And on her spare time,

paints bunnies.

as a part of Stacy's initiation, we're going to have her convince Lori that

still Rush Week, even though Rush Week's totally over. And then we're going to

hang out with her, take her to parties, take all these compromising pictures,

and then make flyers, post them all over the student body, and give them to the

faculty. And then on bid day, we're going to tell her the sad, sad story

don't accept.

Sluts.

Awesome, right?

I think that's horrible.

What? Not brutal enough?

Why would someone...

Do something like this.

Because people can be unthinkably cruel.

Especially frat boys and sorority girls.

Photoshop Josh horrible.

I'm just trying to figure out if Josh is unthinkably cruel.

On one hand, he's a dick.

On the other hand, he's a dirty donut.

Which? He did it anonymously for a reason.

It probably should have stayed that way.

My hacker roommate wanted to try out his skills.

Do you think it would be a bad idea to thank Josh for the donation?

Or just ignore it? I mean, $5 ,000 is worth a thank you, right?

Okay.

No more tequila for you.

Your judgment is completely off.

It was. That's a lot of money.

No amount of money makes up for what he did to you.

What?

Feel like such a big girl.

Getting drunk with a grown man in his very own house with his own game room

pool vault.

Give me another shot.

No.

Please, I want it.

No.

Hey.

Madison. Madison, hey, hey.

No.

Not like this.

Why not like this?

Because you're drunk.

And I like you.

Drunk sex.

No.

Sober sex.

When you're ready.

Men are so confusing.

The ones that like you refuse to sleep with you, and the ones that don't like

you sleep with you, and then donate to your charity three years later.

No.

The ones that like you respect you.

Come on.

Let's get you to bed.

Only if you carry me.

Madison?

Well, here goes nothing.

You realize how embarrassing it is that, you know, in order to kiss me, you have

to first lose a bet and then get drunk.

I'm not drunk. I haven't even taken a sip.

Besides, it takes the edge off.

Yeah, but, you know, why is there an edge to begin with?

You and I have been friends for forever.

I just don't want anything to ruin our friendship.

So, if I get a little tipsy, it's more casual.

Yeah.

You know, I think you're nervous.

I am not nervous.

I just don't want you to get all boy -crushy on me.

Make things, like, awkward.

I think I can handle one kiss.

Lucas, I've known you forever.

I've seen how you fall in love with girls practically overnight.

Okay, look, that's not fair, all right? That was freshman year.

Are we really that different from freshman year?

How about you stop stalling and kiss me already?

Wait, that's it?

That's all the bet entailed, right?

You know, kissing with Tom?

I'll see you later.

Okay, so you're not going to serenade me with some ridiculous love song like you

did to that one girl freshman year?

Girl, I wrote this one for you.

You're my soulmate, it's true.

You know, I think you're too good for my...

Cliche romantic gestures of Loner Doe.

Lucas!

Come here.

I never would have pegged you for that kind of a kisser.

You're just going to give me a shot.

Why would I? Come on.

the fuck are those look i mean i figured of all people you could appreciate what

are you going on safari maybe maybe i'm hunting a big cat right now oh god i

know you like them i don't know about this now i might have to put a bag over

your face

You get too overzealous. I know these are probably the first tits you've ever

seen.

Let me enjoy them then.

Take your cheetah print off.

Oh my god, I can't believe you're doing this.

These have got to go I

may

have to show you how this is done

Oh my god.

I don't feel scared.

in the next video.

By the way, you better not tell anyone about this.

Yeah, of course. How then?

Yeah, I promise.

Okay. I swear.