Original subtitles

"Boy!"

"Boy!"

"I came home and brightened the place"

"Get up, lower the bass and increase the beat"

"Celebrate my arrival with fire clapping, and ululations"

- "I am Al Kabeer" - "He is Al Kabeer"

"Money, arms, power and an army of 3000 men"

"A hundred times stronger than a bear I roar like a lion"

"As proud as an eagle sly like a fox"

"Mix all of these together and you will have Al Kabeer"

- "A dangerous mix" - "A dangerous mix"

"I drank camel milk as a kid not formula or juice"

"That's why I am tough, rough and dangerous"

"Professional PlayStation gamer and can beat any small kid"

- "Or a big kid" - "Or a big kid"

"I can rule any people no matter how many"

"It doesn't matter if they are rich or poor"

"Even if they are scholars, illiterates, or college kids"

"They have to obey me or they will disappear"

"Objection!"

"Yeah"

"Yeah"

"Come on! I really love this country like the fat kid loves the cake"

"And I'll be the new Mayor please just give yourself a break"

"You can't even battle me one on one Mr. Fake"

"My rap is like an ocean while your rap is like a lake"

"Please talk to me in Arabic if you don't mind brother"

"Don't mimic Eminem 50 Cent or Soulja Boy"

"If we compared our Rap to the breeds of dogs"

"mine would be Pitbull and yours will be a stray called Roy"

- "Listen, Al Kabeer" - "No, you shut up and listen"

"I am a knight and can lift heavier than you can"

"No way you can beat me no matter how hard you try"

"Even in the Rap challenge I'll always have the final word"

"An apple tastes bitter when you eat it after chocolate"

"End of story!"

"Boy!"

"Episode 26"

- What do you mean he left? - I don't know, Sir

He cleared his room and checked out from the hotel

By the way, this gentleman was with him you carried his bags, right?

- Right - You knew he left, idiot?

Sure, Kabeer Mr. Johnny tells me everything

Shame, he didn't get to see my matching outfit

Why didn't you tell me, stupid brick?

You saw me breaking the man's bones and hitting him and you helped me

How would I know, Kabeer? You were yelling "thief"

- and I thought I'd help out - Damn you

I beg you, Sir, bring the man so we can apologize to him

Don't worry, Sir He doesn't want to see you at all

But the only apology he'd accept is if you paid for his stay at the hotel

He's staying for a week or 10 days and you'd cover that

You're paying the bill for the damages of the fire you caused

Of course, you have to pay or you'll be in so much of trouble

and in that case, we'll be forced to seize the bags and Mr. Hagras...

Seize who and what bags? Do you know who you're talking to?

You think I'm simple because of this hat?

Listen carefully, this is Al Mazareeta's mayor

He's so wealthy he could buy you and your hotel

Tell him, Hadeya He doesn't have a clue

It's fine, Kabeer, he doesn't know your might

Okay, Sir, no problem You'll pay the bill then

We will, why wouldn't we?

- Here, Sir - Pay the bill, I mean...

- Hadeya - Yes

Get my wallet from the bag

- Hadeya, dear - Yes

Tell you what, baby Go upstairs to our room

- The safe, four twos - Yes

- Get my Visa card - Okay

- Bring all the Visa cards - Okay

And any money you could find

- Hadeya - Yes

Did you bring the old bracelet...

- the wedding gift - I did, dear

- The one with the red eyes - I brought it

- Good, bring it with you too - Okay

- Do you need any help, Kabeer? - Shut up, you animal

Don't underestimate me, Kabeer I have five pounds I stole from Mr. Johnny

I was saving it to ride a banana boat

and buy some snacks but it's not a waste if I give it to you

- You deserve it more than I do - Get lost

He wants to ride a banana!

I wish that what happened didn't ruin your pleasurable stay with us, Kabeer

and that you're still enjoying your time here with us

Tell you what. Stop being silly and enough with these silly smiles

Get me something to drink I'm quite thirsty

Right away, you'll get your welcome drink immediately

Araby, get this sir one welcome drink Make sure it's perfect

What's that? What is this brochure advertising?

- The night club down the street - For real?

- How would I get there? - Sir, you go out of the hotel

stop any taxi and tell the driver to take you to the night club

- What's that? - Taxi

Taxi

- Do you know the people there? - Of course, we're all good friends

Great! And excuse me for asking this...

These girls on the brochure

when I go there will I find similar girls? Or is it just for advertisement

and I'll go there to find four TV screens showing different programs

and girls wearing cheap clothes, smoking shisha with sweaty armpits and all?

Not at all, Mr. Kabeer

These girls were photographed wearing these clothes in the club

Really?

- When does it open? - It opens at night, around 9 o'clock

Can you get one of your friends there to open the place early? Like now maybe?

I would go there right now I'll pay money to go there now

This wouldn't work, Kabeer The night club opens at night

Night means night, and club means club A night club opens at night!

I won't hide this from you

My wife who you saw next to me has an immense amount of energy

She wakes up at dawn and she washes the entire house

Then she rests for two hours

After she's done resting she's recharged until next morning

As if she snorted two lines of coke

and between you and me, these two hours...

are when I want to chill...

- We're both men, you know - I see

I have a better idea

How about you take the Madam and you two go there together

- Are you married? - No

That's why you're so enthusiastic and smiling all the time

You have all the right to be this way

- Another question - Tell me!

- Is there a pharmacy near the hotel? - What's wrong? Are you sick?

No!

But I want to buy sleeping pills

Hadeya! Give me some water!

Hadeya! I'm thirsty!

Hadeya!

I'm going out to party!

I'm going out to have fun!

The sleeping pills worked

I mean, seven pills are quite a lot

Kabeer!

Why are you sneaking out as if you were a thief?

- Where are you going? - I'm not sneaking or anything!

I got hungry

So I was going to get myself a stuffed crust pizza with salami on top

And you're that dressed up to go get a pizza?

Why didn't you tell me to come along?

Would I get you up in the middle of the night?

Also, what's wrong with being dressed up? It's normal!

I was planning to walk around after I get the pizza

Didn't you drink the sleeping pills? I mean the orange juice?

I did! And I felt my head tingling a little

and I got a little sleepy

but after that I got up more energized than ever

Listen I'll go in and change

And you go tell the rest to get ready while I get ready myself

What is she? Iron Woman?

Is this real or am I dreaming, Kabeer?

- It's like we are kids - Enough, woman! Enough!

We're at the disco, and it's normal no big deal, we're not at Alibaba's cave!

Then all the people look normal, wearing normal clothes...

just like white chocolate!

Why didn't Mrs. Samantha come with us? Rather than staying alone in her room

I tried to call her room I guess she was asleep, I don't know

- Isn't that your mother, Kabeer? - Have some respect, you animal!

How would it be my mother! She won't come to such a place alone

Of course not, Kabeer! In fact, she's not alone

So tell me, Doctor, did you serve in the army?

No, it was crowded and my mama said to me

I shouldn't go to the army

- and leave her alone - Your mama

Do you need two lemonades to help you chill more?

Welcome, Kabeer! Welcome

No thank you we already had lemonade

If you insist on getting us anything, I hope it's dinner, I'm so hungry

Of course! What a scrounger! Everything is at her expense!

If you don't like it being on her expense you pay for it then

- So annoying! - What's the matter, Kabeer?

What do you mean what's the matter? How shameless is he, Mom?

And I thought that she was sad and tired and that she was asleep in her room

It turns out she's out with this clown Also, what is this you're wearing?

Are you an idiot? Who goes out with a woman on their first date at a disco

looking like Taha Hussein? Do you think it's a masquerade?

Excuse me, Kabeer I love the combination of colors

It's very impressive These colors go very well together!

Of course the colors go well together I'm basically, a fine arts graduate!

Aren't you a doctor, man? Let's say you were a fine arts graduate

What would taxi drivers be wearing if you're the one wearing these!

Dear God! Come on, Mom Go upstairs, come on!

I told you I couldn't sleep that's why I came here

I thought it wouldn't be appropriate to come alone to such a place

so I called the doctor and asked him to come and spend some time with me

Was I wrong to come here with her so no one can hit on her?

- How can I not hit him? - Welcome, guys!

- What's that? - That's our welcome drink! Absinthe!

- Is it for free or not? - It is for free

Then give it to us!

Let me help you! Thanks! Here!

Here, Hadeya!

Drink, guys, drink It's for free

The good thing about this free drink is that when you drink it

you'd hate to finish it in one gulp

What are you saying! That's not going to work!

- First of all, do you know what it is? - What would it be, Mother-in-law?

It must be lettuce or cantaloupe juice

Man! I've been wanting to drink cantaloupe juice since forever

Or even melon juice or any juice for that matter

People! Absinthe is a very strong drink It's really powerful

Nothing is too strong for us, Madam

- Come on guys! Drink up! - Come on!

Don't be too critical, Madam Let the kids have fun

Then, It's called "absent", like it wasn't here at all

Hadeya

- Answer the phone - Okay

- Woman! - What?

- Pick up the phone already - Okay

Have some mercy and pick up

My head is killing me, I want to sleep

The phone is on your side

You are a lazy woman

When I tell you to do something just do it already

What are all of these colors in your hair, woman?

- Where? - When did you dye it?

What the hell is this!

- When did you grow your hair? - Are you blind?

What hair? I'm bald!

What's this?

Maybe it's the welcome drink!

I don't know! How did we get here?

I don't remember!

- Hello? - "Good morning, sir"

- It's Omar, correct? - "Exactly, Sir"

- I could tell from how annoying you are - "Thank you, sir"

"May it be a beautiful morning to you I hope you enjoyed your stay at the hotel"

- Cut it short - "I hope I didn't bother you so early"

"We need you at the lobby in five minutes"

Why do you need me? And why in five minutes?

"because there's a tiny problem, Sir"

"Your guests caused some disasters you're going to be in big trouble"

- I'll be there in five minutes, Bye! - "Goodbye, Sir! Good morning to you!"

Dear God help me

Looks like there's a bottomless...

What's this?

Pit!

Tell me Mister

Why did you wake me up so early and make me worry?

There's nothing, Sir Just a simple problem!

Your guests have caused many disasters and you're going to be in big trouble

May God allow it!

I'm begging you Enough with the silly laugh, it annoys me

- What's going on? - I've been in the industry for 20 years

I've never met any guests like you, Sir

- Thank you, I'm honored - I mean it in a bad way, Sir

Listen! If you wanted to stay in the industry, or life in general

choose your words very wisely

because when I first wake up I have no patience at all

- Tell me, what's the matter? - Right away, Sir

I'll show you the disasters one by one One second!

What is that, Sir?

I don't know, how does this happen in a well-respected hotel like yours?

- He's your guest, Sir! - Him?

No! He seems like...

a guest from Kazakhstan or Uzbekistan it's either one of them

No, Sir! He's your guest, Sir!

In fact, his name is Mr. Ashraf

Bless you! What a memory No one has it all

You're not very likable but you have strong memory

Praise God

Okay then What do you want me to do now?

Is that acceptable, sir? He shouldn't be sleeping in here

Other guests can't find him like that when they use the elevator

You should wake him up, Sir

Listen...

I can't, even with my strength, I can't wake him up

If Ashraf woke up earlier than usual or someone woke him up

- it would be a shit show - Then who'd wake him up, Sir?

- You wake him up If you want - You want me to wake him up?

Yes, but I'm not responsible for what happens

Ok then, Sir I'll wake him up!

He's making some unnatural noises

Mr. Ashraf Mr. Ashraf, good morning

What?

Nothing, go back to sleep Sleep, Ashraf

I believe it's better to let him sleep Let's take the stairs down

- As you wish - Let's check the other disasters, Sir

- Are there more disasters? - There are many

But first, I think you didn't have breakfast yet

What would you like to do first? Have breakfast? Or see a disaster?

See a disaster? Or have breakfast?

Or you'd like to have a snack while you check the next disaster?

You are so annoying You could teach the whole world

The disasters then Let's see what Mr. Hagras has done

Shall we? This way

Bye, Ashraf

I want you to be assured, don't worry Whatever it was that had happened

I'm responsible for it! Hagras!

He's the sweetest

He's a good kid He just seems a bit naughty

- What did Hagras do? - No big deal

We caught him harassing an American guest

I mean if he was harassing...

Harassing? Why Hagras, why?

I swear, Kabeer I remember nothing from last night

I woke up to people beating me saying I harassed an American woman

Didn't I tell you since you were a kid since you've hit puberty

to pick any girl from the village and I'll let you marry her?

That way your harassment would be Halal, boy

Tell me, Sir, where's the woman this animal harassed? To harass her too...

I mean, to meet her and apologize to her

She's sitting right there, Sir!

She's telling her grandmother on you Her grandmother

No, Sir! That's the one Mr. Hagras harassed

- The one on the right? - Yes

She could be your mother Actually, your grandmother

I told you, Kabeer I didn't know what I was doing

What should I do now?

I have an idea We go and tell her that he's retarded

He's not okay and a little bit slow

- Do you know how to act retarded? - Yes

Show us!

What are you doing?

That's how you are, normally

Just be yourself, it'll work too

Can we make him look like he's drooling? Maybe use some Glycerin?

- And we tell her that he's retarded - Great idea, Kabeer!

But she insists on reporting him and putting him in jail

Kabeer, what if instead of going to jail, I marry her?

Are you nuts? You'll be stuck with her for the rest of your life

Hear me out, Sir It's not a big deal

He's just a kid who drank a couple of drinks, he lost it!

Maybe he brushed up against her He didn't mean anything wrong

And she made such a fuss She's an old woman

The last time anyone hit on her was in 1940 or something

I truly believe in what you just said

Please, Sir, memorize it by heart

so when the tourism police get here it would come very handy in the report

You are so silly The silliest person I've ever met

Hear me out, I want you to call the tourism police right away

Don't be scared, kid Call the tourism police

Do you know what I'm going to do? I'll tell them...

that it was you who recommended that place

- Me? - Yes, didn't he recommend it?

- Yes, it was him, Kabeer - All the Mazaritians are witnesses

- That's a lie - He served us alcohol

- That's true - And he also slipped hallucination pills

You know the names of these things

- Tramadol - Tramadol

- Etamol! - Record a video of me

- He put Tramadol, what's the other one? - Etamol

And Etamol and Cairomol and Virusole

and anything that ends with "ol", anything

He mixed all of this stuff with the drinks and served it to me

and to Hagras, who's shooting this video, that's him

And also...

He served Hadeya, and my mom!

My mom!

Mom!

- Mom! - Yes! I'm coming!

What's the matter? I'm coming! What's the matter, Kabeer?

Come in

What's wrong, Mom?

I have a terrible headache, terrible!

- Are you okay? - I'm okay, but I have a terrible headache

What's all of this?

What are these things? Where did it all come from?

What happened yesterday, exactly?

I swear I don't remember, Kabeer!

All I can remember is that I was at the night club

Then I woke up to your knocking now Also, what am I wearing?

Not just that, even your voice sounds exhausted

You sound tired Like you were up all night...

Wait a minute, was I wearing this yesterday?

What a beautiful morning

Good morning

Dr. Rabea, it's you!

What are you doing in my Mom's room?

Your Mom?

What?

How did I get here? What did you do to me, you monsters?

Subtitled by: eArabization