Original subtitles

"Boy!"

"Boy!"

"I came home and brightened the place"

"Get up, lower the bass and increase the beat"

"Celebrate my arrival with fire clapping, and ululations"

- "I am Al Kabeer" - "He is Al Kabeer"

"Money, arms, power and an army of 3000 men"

"A hundred times stronger than a bear I roar like a lion"

"As proud as an eagle sly like a fox"

"Mix all of these together and you will have Al Kabeer"

- "A dangerous mix" - "A dangerous mix"

"I drank camel milk as a kid not formula or juice"

"That's why I am tough, rough and dangerous"

"Professional PlayStation gamer and can beat any small kid"

- "Or a big kid" - "Or a big kid"

"I can rule any people no matter how many"

"It doesn't matter if they are rich or poor"

"Even if they are scholars, illiterates, or college kids"

"They have to obey me or they will disappear"

"Objection!"

"Yeah"

"Yeah"

"Come on! I really love this country like the fat kid loves the cake"

"And I'll be the new Mayor please just give yourself a break"

"You can't even battle me one on one Mr. Fake"

"My rap is like an ocean while your rap is like a lake"

"Please talk to me in Arabic if you don't mind brother"

"Don't mimic Eminem 50 Cent or Soulja Boy"

"If we compared our Rap to the breeds of dogs"

"mine would be Pitbull and yours will be a stray called Roy"

- "Listen, Al Kabeer" - "No, you shut up and listen"

"I am a knight and can lift heavier than you can"

"No way you can beat me no matter how hard you try"

"Even in the Rap challenge I'll always have the final word"

"An apple tastes bitter when you eat it after chocolate"

"End of story!"

"Boy!"

"Episode 24"

Please take care of the kids, Baazaq

Don't worry, Mrs. Hadeya I'll guard them both with my life

- But who are those kids? - My kids, boy!

Don't make me regret asking you for this

Do you know where you're taking them?

Of course, Mrs. Hadeya I'm not an idiot

I'll take them to Haj Sanosi Your aunt's husband

You deliver them only to my aunt Jawaher

- and nobody else, okay? - Okay

Tell her we'll be away for a week

and that I'll send for the kids when I get back

Make sure to tell her not to let Uncle Sanosi play with them, He's a little crazy

- I can't allow him near my kids - Of course not

- He's a stupid and stubborn man - What's wrong with you?

Are you crazy? You're badmouthing my aunt's husband?

- You said so - I can do that, but you can't

- Come on, get lost now - Okay

Wait, Baazaq

I'll miss you, kids Take care of each other

Hurry up! My head is melting in the sun!

- Shut up, boy, Come on, leave - Okay

I'll see you soon May God protect you

Damn!

Al Mazareeta must win the Noble Prize in heat

It's okay, Mr. Johnny

In a few days, we'll leave this heat and all its troubles behind

- and go on a summer vacation - Who's going on a vacation?

We are, you, Al Kabeer and I Al Kabeer made reservations for us

- Where did he make reservations? - Just like every year

Forget it, I'm not going

- Why not, Mr. Johnny? - You're asking why? Are you crazy?

I'll never go through the same experience again

I saw there what I'd never see in my life again

Why? What happened?

Johnny, look what I caught! A jellyfish, Johnny

I think it's a female, it has eggs It has eggs, Johnny

Why would I care if the jellyfish is a male or a female Or if it has eggs? I don't care

And he was holding the jellyfish and playing with it like a pet

as if it were a Persian cat

No, Mr. Johnny, don't look down upon God's gifts

- It actually tastes really good - Oh my God! What tastes good?

- Do you eat jellyfish? - Of course, isn't it a type of squid?

Squid? How can you people eat jellyfish? It's poisonous

No, it's not, it stings a bit you wouldn't tolerate it

but if you add to it some lemon it becomes so delicious

Who is the moron who told you that jellyfish was a type of squid?

Al Kabeer

I'm not going with you You all are so weird

Don't be so stubborn, Mr. Johnny On vacations, the more the merrier

Can't we go for a vacation anywhere else?

Tell me, is there any other place but Jamasah and Baltim?

Yes, there are plenty of places

Sharm, Ras Shitan, Al Sokhna El Gouna, Hurghada, Dahab

By the way, whenever a tourist visits one of these places, only once

they're bound to come back again

Exactly, as you say, tourists

but we, as Egyptians

- Are not allowed to go there - Who is the fool who told you

- Egyptians are not allowed to go there? - Al Kabeer

Oh my God

He's fooling you he's brainwashing you, Hadeya

He gives you jellyfish for squid

And says we can't enter these nice places

I feel sorry for you

Listen, ask Al Kabeer to cancel the reservation

I'll book your vacation in a nice place

Cancel the reservation? Why?

I had tough time finding us rooms in Umm Kulthum Hotel

Mr. Johnny will take care of it

and book us rooms in Sharm, Hurghada or Sokhna

Why would we go to such silly places?

We have always spent our summer vacations in one place

Mr. Johnny didn't like it last year and said he wouldn't go there again

He can get lost We can't follow his mood

It's okay, it'll be a good change

Do you know, woman? Do you know these places he's talking about?

Add to your knowledge this new book... I mean this new piece of information

They charge in dollars... dollars

He might be able to get a good offer Let's wait till he gets back

- And listen to what he says - Okay, if it's a good offer I won't mind

- Where are the kids? - I sent them to Aunt Jawaher

Have you lost your mind? Isn't she the woman who keeps dying

No, that's Aunt Ghawayesh This one is Aunt Jawaher

What a treasure I have!

Surprise!

- How are you, Kabeer? - I'm okay

I found you a great offer in Porto Sokhna

- What offer is that? - Listen

Residence for a week including breakfast, lunch and dinner

private beach, snorkeling and safari

- Surely, it costs an arm and a leg - I'll do you a favor, Kabeer

It seems that money is a bit tight - I'll invite you and Hadeya

- Really, Mr. Johnny? - No, wait, woman, wait

I know him very well He's all just talk and lies

Is that your email password?

What password? He means your sign-in code

I know you are a rascal, You talk a lot, make false promises and then you disappear

Listen, Kabeer, I understand you

Up until now, you never got the chance to know the real Johnny

The Johnny you know is fake

May God protect you you look much better

All thanks to you, Doctor

- Aunt Samantha must come with us on this rip - Which trip?

Mr. Johnny got us an offer in Porto Sokhna

He says it's a great offer

Excellent

This will help her a lot both physically and mentally

- Please, Aunt, come with us - What makes you think

that I haven't thought about that? Sam is coming with us by all means

And Ashraf, let's take Ashraf with us

We'll definitely need him he's my right-hand man

In case we need anything or if someone drowns, he can save him

- Okay, he can come - And Baazaq

He'll be as sweet as a summer breeze

What? You're taking advantage of my invitation because it's free

I already made plans to invite Sam, you, Hadeya, Ashraf and Hagras

Hagras, why are we taking this boy with us?

I gave him my word, I can't... I'm the one paying for that, not you

- Okay, problem solved - What does that have to do with you?

Why are you standing here anyway? Get out, out!

No, no, no, he's my doctor

It's okay, Madam, he's right I'm sorry, I'll show myself out

But he has every right to bring Hagras

because he's the one paying for it You're bringing Baazaq, Ashraf and...

Okay

- See you, man - See you, goodbye

Kabeer, we could've taken the car with Johnny

instead of sitting here in this scorching heat

With Johnny? Do you know what his car is like? It's filthy

It's full trash, cigarette butts creased rolling paper

and Digestive biscuit crumbs it's so strange

and he keeps hitting speed bumps

Had we travelled with him we would've vomited all over each other

Also, he wanted to get a head start

in order to confirm reservation and pay the money

The trip is more enjoyable on the bus because we can all ride together

You're so sweet, Hadeya

Look! Isn't that Dr. Rabea?

- Thank you so much - Be careful, Doctor

- There you go - I charge a pound for the ride

- What? - I charge a pound for the ride

Are you going to make a fuss over it? It's not like I'm riding a Limo

I remember you well, boy

Didn't I remove your appendix? You still owe me half a pound

- You still remember? You're so stingy - Yes

- Come on, get lost - Have a safe ride

I can't believe this What a nice surprise!

- Ashroof! - Doctor!

Tell me, are you all here to bid me farewell or what?

No! Don't say it! Are we travelling together?

Are you a fool? Or are you trying to fool us?

You know we're travelling You heard us talking about it

Yes, I did, but I didn't know that we were travelling at the same time

What a weird coincidence! The same moment!

And is it also a coincidence that he's staying with us at Porto?

No, no, you're not doing me justice

I'm going to Skhona, indeed but I'm not staying at Porto

Me and 12 of my friends

they are also doctors but they graduated with distinction

We rented a mountain flat with a brilliant view

I know that type of flats They are usually suspicious

They usually have filthy old carpets People put out their cigarettes

In cups of tea lattes and sleep with their feet facing each other's' faces

- and they smell like dirty socks - You talk as if you were with me

- when I rented the flat - Damn you

But really, Dr. Rabea it's such a lovely coincidence

We have to meet up there and go out together

Are you kidding? Of course we'll meet up all the time

I've arranged a great program to guarantee we stay together all the time

Do you want to drive me crazy? You said it was a coincidence

- yet you managed to arrange a program - Doctor...

Where are the kids and their mother? Won't they travel with you?

No, Madam Hadeya Do you take me for a selfish father?

They surely are My wife will spend the summer

- With her mother in Tanta - What? Does Tanat have a beach?

No, but it has Meshabek do you want some?

Oh my!

- He's so funny! - You're such a comedian!

Listen, Hadeya, since it's going to be a fun trip, filled with joy and humor

and private jokes, these are the ones you tell and laugh at on your own

and people laugh with you only to humor you

so you end up thinking you are a comedian

Kabeer, please, man people might get jealous of me

Please, stop that

He's so hilarious He makes me laugh

Madam Hadeya, what's the meaning of "hilarious"? Is she swearing at me?

She means you are doing fantastic stuff

- Fantastic? Okay, fantastic, true - God damn you

Gentlemen, bus number 8 travelling to Porto has just arrived

Let's go

Wait, Ashraf, leave the luggage The doctor will take them to the bus

- What is this? - Come on!

As you wish

You too

- Good afternoon - Good afternoon

- What is this? - Your welcome drink, Sir

- What does that mean? Is it alcoholic? - No, Sir, it's fresh juice

So it doesn't have not even 1% of alcohol?

- No, Sir, we don't offer alcohol here - Okay, put it down

- Wait, how much is this? - It's free, Sir

Free! Put it down Leave the whole tray

and go get us some more

- There you go, Hadeya, Have a drink, Mother - Here you go, Mother-in-Law

- Have a drink, Mother - Thank you, Hadeya

Oh my God!

How gorgeous are they!

- What are you doing, Al Kabeer? - I'm not doing anything

- I saw you staring at foreign women - Like father like son

Are you going to make a fuss over this? Just for the heck of it

It's nothing, I was just giving the foreigners some compliment

They are tourists, we should talk nicely to them, because tourism is now...

is now...

as sweet as milk and honey

Listen, Kabeer, if you don't behave yourself I'll ruin the whole trip for you

Fine, woman, fine I'll just sit like this, drink up!

I don't want to hear any complaints from any guests

Don't forget to... Go

Stop looking at it, Kabeer I told you what it is

Welcome, welcome

- it's so good to have you here at Porto - Hello

- I'm Omar Salah - Yes, I know that

I watch you on CBC, which program?

- Minute to Minute - Yes, true, I watch it all the time

No, Sir, I'm Omar Salah the Vice Manager of the hotel

He's just an employee here

But you're absolutely right Many people mix me up with someone else

like George Kordahi Omar Sharif, Ali Sharif...

Don't get too excited, and stop boasting

Don't make me regret saying that

- You're mostly welcome - Thank you

In brief we've just arrived from Upper Egypt

And we're exhausted, We want to go to our rooms, They brought us something to drink

- What is this juice? - It's a special juice, Sir

- Special? See, woman? - Yes

You thought it was taro juice

- Stop talking nonsense - Fine

- We want to go to our rooms - Of course, Sir

I'll call the bellman immediately

But before you go to your room we need you to make a small payment

in order to book the room

- it's just a prepayment - What?

Hasn't Johnny paid anything?

No, Sir, he hasn't, Actually, we were about to cancel your reservation

but then we had the pleasure of your arrival, Sir, You're most welcome

Thank you Excuse me, I just have a question

- Please - Why are you smiling widely like this?

Why are you smiling like that all the time? You don't know me

And you were about to cancel my reservation And I know you hate me, I can feel it

I can feel your negative vibes using the words of sissy kids

No, Sir, this is our first rule here We should smile to all guests

Sometimes we loathe the guest or the job, Sir, but we have to smile

Aren't you a guest?

What do you mean by "guest"? Does it mean "luck"?

Guest means a resident, Sir

Resident? Yes, of course They are all guests

You're most welcome, Sir Can you now make a small payment for...

- Just a minute - Of course

Hello, Johnny, where are you, boy?

Listen, unfortunately, I still need four hours, minimum, to get to Porto

I encountered strange things, Kabeer If I tell you about them you'll think I'm lying

I had a flat tire on the way Then, a group of men in kaftans

started shooting at us with machine guns

Of course, Hagras ran away but I brought him back in the car

You know me, I have great skills in driving and maneuvering

I managed to escape but we encountered some losses

The fuel tank got punctured I need at least 7 hours to repair it

Do you need anything, Kabeer?

- There's a guy with a silly smile - Omar Salah, Sir

Fine, his name is Omar He keeps smiling to everyone

- Go and smile that way, go there! - You're most welcome

- He wants money, Why didn't you pay him? - Pay him, Kabeer

Didn't you say you were going to take care of everything?

I've encountered some problems, Give him the money and I'll pay you back later

- I won't pay anything - As you wish

Gather everybody along with Ashraf wear some sunblock

and get some tan near the hotel while I get there, I need seven hours, minimum

Pay him, Kabeer! Give him the money and I'll pay you back, I'm not a thief

You know I am an honest man Please make sure you keep the receipts

I want to pay back every penny I owe you

What's that? Kabeer, there's a checkpoint ahead of us

Talk to you later Hagras, throw away the joint

What's wrong? What are you doing?

I'm looking at you with disgust

Yes, I can see that, But you've repeated it seven times, People normally do it just ones

Why are you looking at me like that?

Honestly, Mr. Johnny I didn't know you were like that

Like what?

- Excuse the language, a sissy! - What?

What? What?

You're calling me a sissy? Why?

- It's not me who's saying that - Then who?

It's your own behavior

What is wrong with my behavior, Mr. Hagras?

First, you lied to Kabeer and told him we were still very far

while we are at Porto

Second, you pushed him to pay the costs

although you promised him to pay for everything

Okay...

Tell me, Mr. Hagras Hagras Pasha

You spoiled boy ever since we started the journey

have you paid one penny, you filthy man?

Even when you got hungry you said you wanted to eat Lambada

Lambada biscuits, which I bought

and you ate heartily You ate it like a beast

and filled the car with crumbs like you do in your own home

- I didn't say a word, Who's the sissy now? - It's okay, Mr. Johnny

- Answer me, who's the sissy now? - It's okay, Mr. Johnny

- Get off the car - Why? Mr. Johnny

Because I'm a sissy, I force my friends out of my car, I'm a rascal, get off!

- No, being a sissy is not bad - Yes, it is, I'm a sissy

- I'm also a sissy - No, I'm the sissy

I'll tell you what

How about we tell Al Kabeer today that we're going to invite him for fish?

We get to the restaurant we order plenty of fish

and invite everyone around Then, we sneak out

Pretending that we're going to wash our hands

We wash our hands and run

- Guess what? - What?

I like

What a devilish idea! You know what we can do as well?

- What? - When we're in the bathroom

There's usually a small boy who provides tissues

He listens to you and everything you do, He embarrasses you and causes you constipation

Do you know him? We can take him with us, kidnap him

- Why? - To bring him up to be like us

To think like us and be a sissy like us

We can increase the number of sissies And become a huge community of sissies

Seriously, Johnny, I'm really mad at you

for what you did

I don't know what to say

It was an accident, It was against my will The car crashed

I wouldn't intentionally cause Al Kabeer such trouble

Who says I'm mad because of that? I am mad because of something completely different

because you didn't take me with you

You can't imagine what they did to me on the bus

how embarrassing it was

It's okay, I can imagine, I imagine that That's why I disappeared

- Where are they, anyway? - I've just talked to her

- You know what she said? - What?

She said "I'll hang out the laundry to dry and get down, Mother-in-Law"

- Hang out the laundry? - Yes

I asked her to drop their clothes at the laundromat in the hotel

She said "Why waste our money?" and then said a very weird word

- She said "Am I kattaa?" - "Kattaa"?

Unbelievable!

Listen, do as I do We're only here for a few days

They'll pass anyway...

- Oh my God! - What a disaster!

Pretend that you don't know them we're not here, try to hide

What's wrong with you, Sissy? What have you done?

What have I done? What are all you wearing?

- What's wrong with our clothes? - Al Kabeer, wake up!

Isn't that the t-shirt of 1990 Italy World Cup?

- Right? - Yes, it is

We are in 2014 2014, you awful man!

So what? It's a classical T-shirt

Also, this is one of the most important T-shirts that I have

It reminds me of a special occasion Yes, it's a bit torn, but that's okay

- I can't go on a vacation without it - Come on, let's have breakfast

- And be done with it, come on - Won't the waiter come to take our orders?

This hotel is awful!

The hotel is not awful Hadeya, you are just ignorant

Food here is served in an open buffet

You mean they don't serve eggs, onions, and old cheese?

How stupid are you, Ashraf? Auntie says open buffet

This mean butter jam and a baguette

So what should we do now? Will they distribute meals among us?

- Waiters! Waiters! - Stop it, woman! You're making a scene

What's wrong with you? You're acting like beasts!

Forgive us, Mother

They're ignorant

Haven't you been to prestigious hotels before?

Open buffet means that you remain seated

then someone calls out your name

You give him a coupon and he... The coupon!

Where is the coupon manager? Couponist!

- I need coupons! - Stop! Stop!

I'll explain what an open buffet is

Open Buffet for Dummies

It means a large table that serves all different types of food

When you feel hungry you fill your plate, and eat

If you're still hungry you can refill your plate, full stop

There is too much food here We're bound to throw it away

Throw what? We'll eat all of it and finish it up

There are so many things we can do on a vacation other than eating

- We can swim in the pool or have a tan - Just a minute, Mr. Johnny

I'll have another bowl of Balilah I'll eat it and then we can go

What bowl of Balilah, moron! This is chicken and mushroom soup

- It's a soup! - Soup!

- Now I know why it tastes funny - Are you mentally-depraved, boy?

Apart from that fact that you took soup for Balileh

You were going to get another bowl even though it tasted funny?

- I thought it was Balilah - What a beast!

You should spend your vacation in a canal in the countryside

Ashraf! Are you suckling, Ashraf?

- I'm trying to swallow food - How embarrassing! Come on, eat up!

Wait, wait, we need to find your brother first

Uncle Ashraf! Stop it! Where is Al Kabeer?

- In the open buffet - We're all in the open buffet

He's sitting in the open buffet

That's it

- Please, Sir, you can't sit here - Why not? I'm okay with it

- Why are you so upset about it? - I'm not upset, but the guests are

No, no, nobody is upset

Whenever someone needs anything I can pass it over, it's fine

You can sit at your table, Sir and I'll get you everything you want

Listen to me, brother

I'm not accustomed to corn flakes petit pain and stuff like that

I must eat beans aubergine, and onions

That's what I have for breakfast

Instead of standing like that go get me 12 loafs of Shami bread

Leave me alone, man Are you going to take a photo of me?

Unbelievable! And you, Hadeya come on, hurry up

I ran out of butter, Kabeer Please ask him to bring us butter

Chief! There's no more butter

How many eggs have you fried so far?

- About 6 - Only! have you lost your mind?

Their frying pan is so small Haj, please bring us another pan

Bring a larger one, I told you we should've brought our own frying pan

Do you want us to travel with our pans, Hadeya?

Subtitled by: eArabization