Original subtitles

Okay, okay, enough of this. Let's get on with it.

Playback! Action!

If your clothes are rumpled, worn, and dingy... Dingy! If you're frugal,

thrifty, cheap, or stingy... Dingy! Bring your clothes, if they're spotted,

soiled, or oily... Cut!

What are you doing? We're doing our routine.

Not on my commercial do you do your routine. Do it on your own commercial.

Our own commercial?

We don't have anything to sell.

We'll talk about that later.

Now let's move it. Time is money.

Oh, you mean we're getting paid for this?

Did I say that?

Did anybody hear me say that? I never said that. Did you say that? I didn't

it. Who said it? Who said it? No. Come on. Move it. Move it. Let's go. Go. Go.

Go. Come on. Let's go.

Action.

If your clothes are rumpled, worn, and dingy.

Dingy. If you're frugal, thrifty, cheap, or stingy.

Stingy. Bring your clothes, if they're spotted, soiled, or oily.

Right in here, you'll be treated royally.

Royally, royally, royally.

Treated royally.

And a 10 % discount if you mention my name, Harold Schwann.

King of clean.

King of clean is more like it.

At least you weren't married to him. True.

He just chased me around the office eight hours a day. What about me?

He treated me like I was his mistress.

You were his mistress.

Almost $7 ,000.

Not bad for a start.

I never thought robbing a store would be so easy.

Luckily, Laura took the safe combination when she quit.

Now Harold will probably change the combinations in all the stores. No

We'll just get the new combinations when Swanee leaves the office today.

Let's see.

$7 ,000 per store and, um, seven stores, that's, uh... $49 ,000.

Right. Which hardly makes up for all the misery that slime has caused us.

Like Al Pacino said, don't get mad.

Get even.

Ha ha ha ha!

Okay, ready?

Let's go.

Okay.

Go up down the side of the house. I'm going to go around toward the alley.

Running can be bad for your health. Get your hands up. Get your hands up!

Against the wall.

Against the wall!

Spread your legs.

Put both arms out that window Do it

You're

under arrest for sale of an illegal substance you have the right to remain

silent Anything you say can't be used against you in a court of law

That's the room number. I can't seem to find it. Sure.

It's room 217.

I can't seem to find it anywhere.

217, yes. Oh, you're on the third floor right now. You're on the second floor.

On the left -hand side, there's a stairway.

Down at the second floor. Okay. Where is he?

He's not here, Mrs. Schwan. Ex -Mrs. Schwan.

Oh, you mean the King of Clean Schwan?

That's what I'm looking for.

My check didn't come this month.

Where is he?

in front of my house. What am I supposed to do about my garden? My roses are...

A

flagpole!

Who are you?

Laura, what are you doing in there? Hi, Barbara.

Uh, Laura, I don't think you should be in Mr. Schwann's private office now that

you don't work for him anymore.

It's okay. He wouldn't mind.

Do you want me to leave a message for Mr. Schwann?

Don't bother. It'll just upset him.

Thanks, Barbara.

Thanks, Barbara.

You're welcome.

Now, now, now, come on. You know as well as I do that as assistant platoon

leader, you're required to make the rating reports every six months. Now,

off my back.

Can you believe the rating reports are due again?

Boy, am I glad I'm not assistant platoon leader.

Would you like to practice on being one?

Sir, no, sir. I've got all the fun I can handle, sir.

Your day's coming.

Look, you know what I hate about this rating report time of the season? All

men start doing this perverted little fertility dance of sucking up. Yeah,

that's what they do. They suck up. They want to do things for you. They want to

leave you gifts. They give you flashlights. You know, last year, I got

baskets. If I get another fruit basket, I'm having a sex change operation.

Yeah, it's rough at the top.

Thirty -six.

Six. Twenty -four.

Twenty -four.

Thirty -four.

Oh, how sweet.

What? 20 is my measurements for the combination.

Oh!

Oh, it feels like I'm having a good day. It could be nine, ten thousand dollars.

And they say crime doesn't pay.

Ha ha ha!

Little snack?

You mean that guy on TV, the king of clean with the crown and the bimbos?

Yes. Harold Schwan is your brother -in -law?

We all have our crosses to bear. Now, I want Hunter on this case, if you can

spare him. Well, he's in the middle of the rating reports now. Forget the

reports. You're under a lot of pressure at home.

Charlie, Louise is very upset.

She stopped cooking dinners.

She stopped making the beds.

These are caramel custards. I think you're going to like those.

Now, Mac, those ratings reports are all yours.

This is absolutely unbelievable.

$226 ,045?

A lot of money.

No cleaning store makes that kind of money. Look at these deposit slips.

Different amounts, different banks.

I don't understand.

This is a lot of money.

Harold has been holding out on me.

You know it's going to take a long time to spend all this money. I mean, this is

a lot of money. I know.

I know.

Isn't there a safe at your house?

Buswine is Commander Clayton's brother -in -law?

Yep.

Commander buttons up related to the King of Claim. Wait till the guy's here.

Well, I know I can count on you to blab it around.

Oh, this is Wu Fong. He manages the store.

Mr. Fong, how are you? Excuse me, Tom.

Now, Mr. Fong, this is what you found when you came in this morning?

Now, did you see anybody leaving?

Now, what about last night when you closed the place up? Did you see anybody

hanging around in the front or the back?

Yeah.

Are you getting all this stuff out? Oh, he's just a little shaken up.

Oh, I see.

Now, they came in through the roof, dropped down on the bags of cleaning.

Scuff marks on the roof indicated more than one burglar.

They came straight to the safe.

How you doing, Hunter? Hey, Linda, how you doing?

You've been fine. I heard Commander Clayton put you on this one.

Isn't it amazing that news spread so fast, Tom?

Yeah, well, they must have known the combination.

Opened it up and took the money out.

How much?

According to Mr. Schwan, $6 ,046 .32.

He was here when we arrived this morning. Yeah, where is he right now?

had to go someplace.

Said he'd be back later.

I see.

Well, I'll need to talk to him.

Yes, sir.

Well, there was no sign of vandalism.

Mr. Fong left a portable radio here in a very expensive briefcase.

They were here this morning.

Hmm.

Well, the way they came down through that skylight was awfully small.

Oh, I figure it was juveniles.

The juveniles, I thought.

So what do you think? The roof was deluged with six -year -olds?

I've got to make a phone call. See you later, Linda.

Bye -bye.

Mr. Fong?

I'd like to talk to Mr. Schwan.

Thank you.

Yeah,

this is Sergeant Hunter, LAPD. I'd like to talk to Mr. Schwan.

If it's about those parking tickets, Mr. Schwan said the check is in the mail.

Well, it's not about the parking tickets, Matt. It's about the robbery at

store last night. Oh, well, he's out right now, but he'll be back later this

afternoon.

Okay. Tell him Sergeant Hunter from LAPD called.

I'll be calling him back.

Okay. Thanks a lot.

Okay.

All right.

Thanks very much. Appreciate it.

kept waiting.

Sorry, Mr. Monks. You're sorry?

I just lost a lot of money.

220 ,000.

Terrible, terrible.

The crime in this city is just, just out of control.

Cut the crap, Schwan.

Right, Mr. Monks. You know, I got hurt, too. Some of that money they stole was

mine, you know. His store had 6 ,000 in the bag.

And change.

Every penny counts when you're in a low -markup business.

Shut up!

I need that money you were laundering, Swan.

I know that, but I told you the store was robbed.

Maybe it was.

Maybe it wasn't. Oh, come on.

Mr. Monks, come on. I wouldn't do something like that with your money.

you kidding? Do you think I'm mean? I'll tell you what I think.

If I don't get my money by tomorrow...

I'm going to have Breach break every bone in your body.

Including pinkies and every little vertebrae.

Hold it, hold it, hold it. I'll get your money back.

I'll borrow it from the bank.

In fact, I'll go right away.

You do that.

Good luck at the bank, your highness.

Sergeant Hunter. Barbara, how are you?

Fine. If you need anything, just let me know. I'm fine, thanks.

Coffee? Nope.

I'll have that as a snack. A piece of fruit? Nah.

Hey, what is this, Denny's?

Mr. Schwann.

Pleasure. Oh, come in.

Boy, am I glad to see you.

My brother -in -law told me that you're the best.

Well, I have the highest regard for the commander as well. Well, let's forget

about him for now, huh? I was the one that was robbed.

How you doing?

Did you find them yet? Not yet, Mr.

Schwan, but we will.

Oh, that's great.

Tell me, exactly how much money did they get?

$6 ,425 .32.

I see.

Now, as I understand it, you have, what, five more stores?

Yeah, my... My old man left me one store in Pacoima.

So...

I became the prince of Pacoima.

And today you're the king.

That's right.

I'm the king.

And now tell me, do the other managers of your other stores, do they have the

combinations you're saying?

Sergeant, I'm the only one.

It's a Harold Schwan enterprise.

And only Harold Schwan has the combinations.

And it's all locked up in there.

What about your secretary?

My secretary?

Yeah, you know your secretary.

No, I trust Barbara.

So, therefore, you're the only one that has the combinations to all the saves.

Sergeant, are you trying to say to me that I robbed my own

stores?

Well, did you?

Police humor.

Well, we're just considering all the possibilities, Mr. Schwann.

Well, Sergeant, you better start considering who ripped me off.

Okay, look, that'll be enough for now.

Let me ask you a question. If I need to talk to you again, will you be

available?

Yeah.

But right now I'm a little late. I hate to keep my bankers waiting.

Mr. Schwann, why the bank?

When you lose a lot of money, arrangements have to be made.

Aren't you covered by insurance?

Well, time.

It takes time to collect.

Oh, I see.

Thank you so much, Sergeant, for everything you've done. Really.

See that he gets everything he wants, huh?

Thanks a million, Sergeant.

Thanks, Mr. Schwan, for your time.

You won't believe this, but there are people who actually don't like Schwan.

You wouldn't happen to have a list of those people, would you? Do you have a

piece of paper?

I don't need this grief I'm getting from Schwan.

I get enough being in the meat business.

Everybody's on this cholesterol kick. Chicken, fish, fish, chicken.

If I ain't like that, I'd look like him.

Well?

What do you think, Digby? Is this jerk going to give me my money back?

I don't think so.

He's in debt up to his eyeballs. The banks aren't going to give him squat.

His system won't let him sell the business.

He's tap city.

Are you cold?

Yeah. Can we get out of here? I mean, why do we always have to meet in here?

I thought you were my strongest guy.

You want a couple of steaks?

Oh, thanks. I don't eat red meat.

I got some sick out there saying he ripped me off for $220 ,000.

Yeah.

Yeah, too.

Well, did you get the loan?

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Looks good. Oh, there's a few minor details, but we'll ramrod right through

them. Now, you take it easy, Harold. I know you're trying, and we're looking to

work with you as best we can.

I got a feeling you would say that.

In fact, Mr. Monk, you've got a heart of gold.

A heart of gold.

Those are my exact words.

All right, uh, we're gonna try to make some arrangements.

Maybe you can pay this off in installments.

Installments? I know plenty about those.

Listen, Digby has all the details.

Why don't you meet him tonight at your store on Sattercoy? I know it's out of

the way, but that way nobody will bother you.

Sattercoy? The store on Sattercoy?

Okay, we'll work it out.

About 10 .30.

Heart of gold.

Whiten them.

Pure whiten them. Yeah.

Which one?

The what?

Kill him.

Yeah.

Oh, sure.

Okay, ladies. Right this way.

That's it.

There you go.

Right over there, up against the wall. It'll be nice. Thank you.

Just fill in here.

Have a seat anywhere. Thanks.

Very good.

Okay, if you'll just excuse me one moment, I'll be right back.

Thanks.

You sure you know what you're doing?

Of course I do.

I go in first, hook the bait, and leave.

And, Trace, you know what to say?

Yeah.

You know, the amazing thing is that everyone on his secretary's list,

who hated him is a woman.

Except Wu Fang.

But you know the real crazy thing here is, Charlie?

Wu Fang's a woman?

No. Well, if he is, he's the ugliest woman either you and I have ever seen.

Now, the crazy thing here is, Charlie, I've dated one of these women on this

list.

Ladies, I want to thank you very much for cooperating. It's a big help to us.

Now, would Miss Laura Rhodes step in, please?

Laura, you look great.

Thank you. It's great to see you. How have you been?

Fine.

Yes, fine.

Good. Now, what's this business about you having to go to a job interview?

Yes. I have to be there now.

Okay.

Uh, okay. Why don't you go now and we'll talk later?

Well, I thought we'd get a bite later tonight.

A bite?

Yeah.

And talk about Harold. Oh, Harold. Oh, absolutely.

Good idea.

You know, I can't believe you actually work for Harold Schwann. Uh, well...

A girl has to make a living.

But then I realized if that was living, I'd rather be dead.

So you quit.

Uh -huh.

So, call me after five.

After five.

Same number.

Same number.

Yeah.

Good.

Miss Rhodes, I want to thank you very much.

Wow.

What that was all about no honor says that he knows one of these gals from way

back when No, really

Well,

yes normally Hello,

I don't know for sure I try not to get involved in my officer's personal

affairs.

Interesting choice of words.

You did what? You know, your ex -wife, your ex -secretary, and your ex... You

know what?

They told me not to bother to tell you they were here. Forget about them.

about them.

You let them three in my office. Well, no.

Just Laura.

Laura? Yeah.

She thought you were hiding in your office.

My office?

The chicken in my desk.

Well, how should I know?

Of course.

You still look fabulous.

What is your secret?

Good foundation cream.

And you still make me laugh.

Yeah. Yeah, it's good to see you haven't changed very much.

Oh, I don't know.

Some of the things we do, I've stopped doing.

Oh, no, that's too bad.

Let me ask you a question. Did you know any or were you friendly with any of the

women that were there today?

No. Why?

Oh, just curious.

I think I know who robbed the stores.

Really? Who?

Harold Schwan.

Now, why would you say that?

One, he lived way above his mean. He spends money faster than he makes it.

knows where it comes from.

Two, he would rob the pencils from a blind man if he was sure the guy wasn't

faking it, which is what Schwan would do.

And three, the insurance covers the loss to the business.

Well, it's not exactly hard evidence now, is it?

Okay, how about this?

The other night, the night of the robbery, I called him and he was nowhere

found.

Why'd you call him?

Why? Yeah.

I just called him because I wanted to know if I left my sunglasses at the

office. Oh, the sunglasses.

Yeah. Well, it looks like I better check into Earl Chuan now, shouldn't I?

Right. You should.

Would you care for some dessert?

A dessert?

Sweet.

Satisfying.

I could use something like that.

And you, sir?

Oh, I think we're going to have to check.

Let me guess, broken skylight, more than one perp, no figure, that's right?

Yeah, plus one added traction.

Oh, yeah.

Photographer's already been here.

I think the ME wagon's on its way.

Since you've been on this case, Hunter, we've gone from Penny and Gregory to

homicide. What's going on? I can appreciate your concern, Commander, but

of it, I have a lead. I've identified the dead body as a one Francis Diggory.

Now, he was a one -time CPA, served time in Folsom for embezzlement.

Embezzlement? Also has known direct ties to the mob.

Ties to the mob? What's a man like that doing in a house store?

Well, I think it's safe to say he wasn't there to rob the safe.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, look, what it means is I've got to talk to Harold one more time. Harold?

You think Harold has something to do with these burglaries? You think he's

involved with embezzlement and the mob? Well, look, I don't know about that.

Well, what do you know about? Look, I think Laura Rhodes is involved in that.

Who's Laura Rhodes? Well, Laura Rhodes is a one -time employee of Harold's, and

I think that there's a lead there.

Well, let's get on it.

Go, go!

Hi.

Oh, yeah, hi.

Where were you last night?

Oh, I was out getting a bite. Well, actually, I was working. You know, the

robbery is now a homicide.

I called. I kept getting your machine.

Oh, yeah. I got it. I got it later.

Oh, you got home.

Well, that's something.

Oh, how are the rating reports doing?

You dated that woman?

Hunter. No, no, look. Wait. It was such a long, long time ago. Really. You like

that look? What look? That look. That tall. That statuesque. That cheap.

Cheap. Statuesque.

Statuous, excuse me. You know, that reminds me.

The Venus de Milo was very statuesque. The only difference is she can't type.

Hey,

wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Wait a second.

I want to talk to you.

Oh, my gosh, Swanee.

You look awful.

I'd invite you in, but I just had the place fumigated.

Very funny. Very funny.

I know what you've been doing. We've been having a great time since we're rid

you. That's what we've been doing. You've been ripping off my stores.

You bagged over $200 ,000.

Whatever are you talking about?

Last night they sent a man to see me. He wanted to kill me, but it didn't work

out. He's dead now.

Oh, my God.

I murdered a man.

I'm capable of doing anything.

I want my money.

Some people get sexy when they're angry. But not you, Harold.

We're not playing games here.

I'm warning you. If you don't go away, I'll call the police and tell them about

your killer connection.

You asked for it.

Your days are numbered.

Oh, my God.

This is it.

We've got to turn ourselves in.

Come on.

Come on.

Get in the car.

I want you out of my life!

You're coming with me.

Harold, what are you doing? What is that, a water gun?

I got it for you, Mr. Monks. I found the

money. You killed Digby. It was an accident.

I bumped into him and the gun went off.

And besides, if I hadn't killed him, he would have killed me.

Mr. Marks, let me finish Digby's job.

Now, right now I need the money more than I need Digby. What are we doing

Who are these people?

Hey, who are you?

She and the other girls took the money.

Is that so?

Of course it's so.

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't.

Give it up, sweet cheeks.

Come on. You don't believe Schwanny, do you?

To start with, break her arms.

Wait! I don't have the money.

Start with a right one. If I had the money, I would give it to you. I like my

arms up.

Laura!

of a broken blossom's face.

What was it all for?

The dreams and the twists and turns.

It's okay to want more.

As I wa -

Harold Schwan is laundering money? Yeah, over $200 ,000 distributed to different

banks on different days.

Well, it's a cash business, retail store. It's the perfect setup for

money.

Yeah.

Commander Clayton isn't doing it like this.

Nope.

I guess you'll have to tell him.

Well, me tell him. You tell him. Me?

Yeah. Me tell Commander Clayton that his brother -in -law's a criminal? Get

serious. Wait a minute.

No, no, no, no, no. This is your case, your evidence. You tell him. Well, be

reasonable. Harold Schwan might be the king of clean, but I am the captain of

Metro and you are a sergeant. That's right. And as a sergeant, I will

my detail as assigned.

However, I got to find Laura and that money, Captain. I think she could be in

the middle of it. As a matter of fact, her life may be in danger.

All right, you go find Laura. But you're still going to have to tell Clayton.

Hello. Who is this?

Who is this?

Never mind who this is. Say hello to your girlfriend.

I'm okay. I'm okay. They're just trying to scare me.

Scare her to death.

Oh, God.

They have Laura.

They have Laura.

Who are you? Never mind.

Just get the money. All of it. And bring it 8 o 'clock tonight to Valley Heart

and Stern.

My man will meet you there. Your man? Who's your man?

Don't worry.

He'll find you.

And if... What's your name, sweet cheek?

It's Laura.

If you don't show up, Laura's dead.

I am the police. It's him. It's him. He is the police, remember?

That's right, Alyssa. We're in a hurry, Sergeant. If you have any more

questions, we'd be glad to answer them at another time. Settle down now. I

Laura's life may be in danger. If you see her, I'm looking for her.

Uh -huh.

What's in that bag?

Didn't do the homicide part.

Swanee did it.

Look, where is Laura? Some creep said that he's going to kill her if we don't

give him this money. We have to be at Valley Hardenstern in 20 minutes. Give

some guy this money so they'll let Laura live.

You'll make it.

Hold it right there, LAPD.

Get your hands up.

A little bit more.

Now very slowly walk over here.

Now where's the girl? I don't know what you're talking about.

Don't be stupid.

Where is she?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You don't know, huh? Nope.

Stick your head in here for a minute, will you?

Hey.

Where is she?

Where is she?

Star!

Wholesale meat!

On Jefferson!

Expecting backup?

Bar 21's going to back us up. I'm with you.

Talk to Commander Clayton? Yeah, that's why I'm here.

Oh, good.

Sorry, Laura.

Beg your pardon?

You are?

I'm sorry you're in this mess.

But after all, I've been in a mess all my life, wasn't I?

You really mean that, Shawnee?

I never thought you'd notice.

I just want to get out of this alive.

So I can apologize to all the people I hurt.

And that includes you, Mr. Monks.

If you can feel it in your platinum heart. Look, Schwan.

I get my money.

It'll be quick.

you're going to have a long, painful time to regret it before

you die.

I'll have you know that my brother -in -law is a commander in the LAPD.

They'll never find your body.

I guess being in this business, it's easy to get rid of body parts.

Harold Schwan, right?

Oh, yeah.

You recognize me from TV, huh? Yeah.

Oh, thanks for what you're doing.

Hey, would you like an autographed picture of me?

Tell you what, Harold.

You can give me two poses.

One like this.

One like this.

Funny guy.

Oh, Clayton?

Could you do me a favor?

Sure, Harold.

Listen, when Louise comes on visiting days, if she could bring the camera, we

still could do the commercials.

Huh?

What do you think, Hunter?

Will I still look this good when I get out?

Honey, if you use a good foundation cream, you'll be just fine.

I'm proud of my Metro officers.

Thanks, Commander.

Unfortunately, this thing affected me personally. Oh, good job on those

reports. Well, thank you, Commander.

However, it wasn't necessary to write Sergeant Hunter.

Well, I like to do a complete job.

Complete to say the least.

Was that part true about... I'm sure it was. Really?

We'll have to get together and talk about that. Excuse me, what part was

Yeah, we'll have to get together for a bite.

I guess I really did it this time.

You think I did it this time?