Original subtitles

I think I might be in the wrong place.

You must be Miss Health.

Carrie Health?

Well, yes, that's me.

We've been expecting you. Is this the retreat?

The communal resort?

That's us.

Welcome to paradise.

But I'm not sure I'm supposed to be here.

Well, you're here, aren't you?

Yes, but is this the religious studies retreat?

Of course it is, dear. What else would it be? Now, I just need you to sign in

right here.

Great. Now I'll show you to your room.

Do you think that's appropriate?

What? Your clothes.

I'm not wearing any clothes.

Well, that's what I mean.

I'm sorry, Ms. Howes. I'm not following you.

Well, this is supposed to be a reconnecting oneself to spiritual life

right? Of course.

I mean in the scriptures.

Oh, those.

Well, I'm sure you'll be finding your spiritual awakening soon.

I'm just a little concerned.

Oh, it's all right, hon.

Let me take you to your room, get you out of your baggage, and you'll be

much better.

Come on.

I thought I got a villa.

Oh, this is the villa.

But outside.

Those are for the preachers.

The preachers.

Where else would they stay?

Well, I guess we should honor our preachers.

Oh, of course.

I'm a preacher.

You're a preacher?

Yeah. Actually, I was born again several years ago. Then I came here.

Ever since, I've been a preacher.

That's wonderful.

It has been liberating. Has it? Yeah.

Perhaps you'd like to become a preacher.

I don't think I have it in me.

Oh, of course you do, silly girl.

No, seriously.

It must be very challenging.

Well, it can be.

But all you need is a few good moves.

The moves?

Oh, yeah. You need technique.

After all, how else are you going to please the flock?

I've never quite heard it put that way.

What way?

Please the flock?

Well, being a preacher is all about giving.

Although, don't get me wrong.

The ecstasy that you receive from being a preacher is heavenly.

That's why I'm here.

Oh, well, honey, I'm going to teach you. And by the time you leave here, you're

going to be a preacher.

Is that possible?

Why wouldn't it be?

In such a short time?

Hey, like I said before, all you need is a few good moves.

Well, okay.

All right, well, let's get you out of these.

What? Oh, your clothes.

I need to take everything.

We don't have many rules here, but the release of clothing is mandatory.

My clothes? Well, I'll place your suitcase in the vault, and you can have

when you check out.

And of course, you don't need any money. It's all been taken care of. And

there's no tipping allowed.

All of my clothes?

Everything. Although we do allow sarongs.

You'll find them in every room.

So this is a lesson in humility, right?

We're all humble here

Good

here you go

Good well make yourself comfortable and we're very glad

to have you here

Oh, thank God. I've been looking for a preacher all day.

I was checking in a guest.

Let's do it in a preacher.

I think she's going to be a preacher.

Nice. A little more left of the world, huh? Yeah.

So you think you're in need of a lesson?

Absolutely.

Hey, you must be Carrie.

Hi.

I've heard you're the new preacher.

No, I mean, I'd like to be. I just... What's wrong?

I'm just not used to.

Don't worry about it.

You must be a newbie.

A what?

Yeah, you know, a newbie. A newborn, born again, whatever you want to call

You know, you're going to have to get over that fast if you want to be a

preacher. I suppose so.

This is an interesting lesson plan.

What do you mean?

Well, the whole humility thing.

Humility? Are you a preacher?

No, student.

Oh, you must not have that in your lessons.

So when were you saved?

About four years ago. I was really entrenched in an Orthodox faith.

Then I found this place, and wow, the whole world just opened up.

That's great, but what do you mean Orthodox?

You know, deep religion.

Then I found real spiritualism.

Oh, yeah, okay.

You know, you really have to transcend religion to get to the spirit.

You do?

I'm sure you'll figure that out.

Hey, Mark.

We need to go over positions 11 and 12.

This is Carrie.

She's the new preacher.

Oh, hi.

Nice to meet you.

We should hook up later. I'd love to experience your moves.

My moves?

Uh, Carrie, do you mind excusing us? We've got to do some homework.

All right, sure.

Hi, Nikki.

Welcome.

I'm a little confused about this whole humility thing.

The nudity?

Yes. And love?

What? Oh, never mind. It'll come later.

You signed up for a spiritual experience, didn't you?

Yes, but when do we do communion?

Oh, there's plenty of that already going on.

I haven't seen any.

It's just a matter of time.

Why don't you rub some oil on me?

I can't do that.

Why not?

Well, it's a little sexual, don't you think?

Why wouldn't it be?

The flesh needs to be caressed.

Touch me.

Don't you think that's a little inappropriate?

Well, then you'll never learn to give, will you?

Oh, it's a test?

Do you think I'm beautiful?

Of course I do. Well, I asked you to touch me. That's a form of communion,

you think?

I suppose so.

Then why do you hesitate?

You'll never find your bliss with such firm walls.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe?

Oh, my God.

What happened?

Oh, thank God.

It must have been a dream.

Hey, preacher.

I'm not a preacher.

That's what I heard.

What have you heard?

Nikki says you're one of the best preachers she's ever had.

I'm so lost.

I came here for religion and I haven't learned anything.

Nikki says you've already emerged.

Best sex she's ever had.

How did you know about that? That was a dream.

There's no secrets here.

That's rule number two.

Are there any more rules I should know about?

Nope. No secrets. No clothes.

Look, I came here for Bible study.

You came here for you.

What the hell does that mean?

You think you're going to find yourself in a book?

That's sacred.

No, that's truth.

You think a bunch of guys herding sheep have your answers?

Carrie, here's your wisdom.

You have your answers.

Thank you for your work.

I didn't do anything.

You're very modest.

Why am I so confused?

No one ever said liberation was going to be a walk in the park.

What's going on here?

You're getting what you needed.

That's what this resort is for.

I didn't sign up for that.

What fun would life be if we could predict everything?

You know what I'm saying.

Having sex with a woman can be more spiritually redeeming than the best

I'm not denying the inspiration.

So you were inspired.

A little.

Give yourself more credit.

The sex was wonderful because there was mutual trust.

I didn't come here for the sex.

Then why did you come to the naughty resort?

What? Naughty resort?

I thought this was the Spanish Fork revival retreat.

Did you see the flames?

How did you know?

It's part of the awakening.

The flames are our spirits.

When you see the flames, you're reborn.

It was quite beautiful, actually.

We thought it was time.

For what?

For you to see the light.

Hmm.

Mmm.

you

Well, hello, Mr. Liguano.

We've been expecting you.

This is the Scriptures Canberra Tree, isn't it?

You're in the right place, Mr. Liguano.