Original subtitles

Welcome, sports fans, to the Ultimate Pet Games.

Here's our first heat getting ready with the fabulous penthouse pets, the

Dreaded Optical Corps.

That's right, Leo. We're starting with a terrific competitive nature here. These

girls have been practicing and training all year long for this hard event.

Yes, they have, and you can see how the training has paid off. First up,

Andy, Sue, and Alex. Andy, Sue, and Blue, Alex, in the yellow.

Get ready, and...

They're off. There they go. They're navigating those barrels right here.

gets there first.

What? Look at them swivel. And now up to the monkey bars.

Grab ahold of those wrong girls. That's it. Get the grip. Get the grip. You

notice they're wearing protective gloves. That's right, because your hands

tend to blister in an event like this. We wouldn't want that to happen.

They come over the haystack.

And here it comes. Oh, the deciding factor. And there goes Andy Sue right

the limbo bar. Oh, Andy Sue pulls it out. All right, first heat.

Alex. Blue. Blue. Oh, a little tossing going on there by the girl. Here we go.

Leslie Glass in blue. Tiffany in the yellow.

These two girls are really good friends in real life. There they go. There they

go. But, boy, when they compete, look out. Well, there goes the shirt.

That's okay. It's not going to slow her down. Not going to slow her down one

bit. Look at them navigate those hanging monkey bars there.

The grit, the determination.

Oh, there is a lot going on there.

And Tiffany's weak to head there, but wait, over the haystack at the dead heat

and... Oh, here... Yes! I think it's Tiffany by a... Well, let's just say it

very close. Okay, very good. She won. That's good. Okay, so it's now blue,

yellow. And now for the final heat in this round.

Sean and Yellow.

They're off going at it. Brandy in the blue, and there they go.

Donna with a quick bleed right there. Drop the sack, and here come the

Look at Sean go.

Oh, my.

But Brandy's not far behind.

Oh, watch out. Brandy had a little trouble with the monkey bars in the dry

But she's a fierce competitor. She seems to have gotten by them all right now.

She's over the haystack.

This could be close.

Very close. Oh, it's blue. It was Brandy first. Blue. Very good. Okay, that is

the first tee, but the fun starts now. That's right. A little celebration going

on. And now as part of the pet competition post.

Victory celebration, the girls removed their clothes, and I think this is a

added bonus to the games this year, don't you think? Well, it is, but take

one step further, they're also going to compete nude.

That's right, that's right, a new added twist.

It's a form they're quite familiar with, and I'm sure fans of Penthouse are

quite familiar with their forms.

Uh, to say the least. So here we go once again, the grudge match.

It's Andy 2 and Alex, and off they go again.

Oh, just followed a bouncing ball. There we go.

Through those barrels, keep an eye on the barrels if you can.

And up to the monkey bars.

And the stretch.

And the pull.

And the climb. Oh!

She dropped out of that. They're going to deduct some points for that, don't

think? Well, I don't think so. I think the judges are pretty lenient here. And

Alex first over the hay.

Andy Sue's giving up. But, yeah, Alex has taken it now.

We'll talk about comeback.

Okay, next match, Leslie and Tiffany once again.

Into the sacks they go.

And they're off. There they go.

Good jumping bounce there to start. Oh, I was noticing that.

Oh, look at the look of determination on her face. She's going to catch up now.

Having a little trouble navigating those monkey bars.

It's always the slowdown. Always the slowdown, those monkey bars. But she

them. Here we go.

Who's going to beam over the hay?

There we go.

I'm going to call Leslie with that one. I think so.

Might be a photo finish, but I'm going to go with your choice. So now we're

to blue and gold. This is a deciding heat. Brandy and Shauna, and off they

Look at that form.

A cool drink of water, those girls.

A little close there. There they go through the barrels.

Shauna taking a wide lead. Oh, she is running.

Out of control, Shauna. Look at that.

Unbelievable.

On to the balance team.

Here come the hellacious haystacks. But Brandy is right there.

Over the haystack. There she goes with the leap and the toss.

It's down to the wire. There they go. And Shawna squeaks under.

Shawna gets there. So that gives us a blue victory closed and a yellow victory

unclosed. But, you know, it's kind of hard to tell the yellow from the blue in

this heat of the competition, wouldn't you say? But we'll keep trying to figure

that out.

It's badminton with a twist next up.

Lose your birdie, lose a piece of clothing.

Oh, that's right.

The idea here is not to let the birdie hit the ground.

Right, right.

And they're off with a strong volley.

These girls look in prime form for this competition here. Yeah, they look in

prime form for any competition.

Oh, oh, oh, well.

That's a nice save, a very nice save.

Just about anything goes here, thankfully.

Absolutely. These girls are... Oh!

That's error number one. Now someone's going to have to lose an article of

clothing, I believe, here.

And it looks like it'll be Leslie Glass.

Oh. You're a runner -up?

I'd say, well, a bit of some friendly mooning back and forth.

Well, just try and keep your eye on the birdie at this point. Thank you, Leslie.

All right, here we go for the second round.

You're not going to let that one get away from him.

Oh, she's mean now.

And there goes a volley back and forth, back and forth. Oh, it's looking quite

good. Oh! Oh, there we go. Tiffany, Tiffany.

Poor Tiffany. Tiffany has dropped the birdie. Oh, what a shame.

What's it going to be, top or bottom? It looks like top is coming off first.

A lovely choice.

I couldn't be more excited.

And she throws her shirt at the competitors.

But still smiling. You've got to admire that. Oh, yeah. It's a friendly

competition. There we go. Oh.

What a shame. A little Andrea now.

I have to reveal what Andrea is made of.

There you go.

And I think... Thank you, Andrea.

That says a lot right there.

Yeah.

Okay, company's gone. Haven't seen the lead.

Straight over the net and into the dirt. Not even a gallant attempt by the blue

team to hit it back.

I got to tell you, with the heat going on out of that court, I don't think

they're too upset that they have to kind of bear it all.

A little taunting going on by the red team here. That's all right. They know.

They know what they have to pay.

Well, lovely lesbian. Will you look at that?

Oh! Oh! Oh, my God. I think it took her eye out.

But that's okay. She's all right, folks. She is okay. She's going to be fine.

And she's going to be naked.

We have medics standing by to take care of her, as well as oilers, I believe.

There we go. There's any lubrication required.

Unbelievable.

Oh, and once again, a little taunting. Oh, I think.

It's going to be Andrea now.

No, Lee. That's right, Lee. There we go. It seems as though Andrea has nothing

left. Okay, now we've got a lot of flesh out there.

And we are down to two skirts. This is it. This is the game point. The moment

we've been waiting for. Back and forth, back and forth. Oh!

That was really close. That was so close. I felt that. Oh, the red team's

celebrating gleefully.

God bless them.

They've really worked hard to get to this point. But, you know, Andrea still

to pay. Oh, and she's taunting them a little bit, which is certainly all right

by me. And they'll be taunted right back. Yeah.

Keep that taunting going. Very good. Well, she's got to pay. All right. Well,

cheek to cheek.

Here it comes.

There you go. Oh, yes.

So blue loses this round.

The red wins.

But I think, quite frankly, we all are winners. I think there are no losers

today.

Next game in three magic words sums it up. Nude oil wrestling. That's right.

when you say nude oil wrestling, you've said a mouthful. And who better to nude

oil wrestle than our fabulous penthouse pet? Now, these are the girls from the

badminton competition. And if you remember correctly, Lee and Tiffany just

the pants right off of Andrea and Leslie. And Andrea and Leslie, they won

revenge, I think.

And this is the perfect place to take out any sort of revenge.

In the confines of those two yellow ropes. Here we go.

Last minute instructions from the coaches.

Remember, they are able to tag in.

And there they go, the face off.

As they work their way to the middle. And I don't have to tell you how

that oil is.

They'll soon find that out.

There we go.

And there they go.

They're wrestling.

They're rumbling.

Nobody's got a clear advantage at this point.

It doesn't look like it's good. Oh, it's a little tricky here.

Oh, there goes Tiffany.

There goes Tiffany down. Andrea's got her down.

That's it. Andrea just getting her with a scissor lock with her legs there, but

she's not quite got it yet.

Here's one of the advantages of all you squirm. That's true.

No matter what hole you get in, you can slip right out of it. A little taunting

from the corners there.

Oh, they are fierce competitors.

That's right.

They're back on their knees again.

Eye to eye. Oh, now the flip in reverse.

Wait. No. There is no telling what's going to happen here.

Oh. Another takedown for Andrew and Tiffany.

Oh, but look.

Tiffany's turned it around. No, no, no, no. There we go.

Oh, this looks like it could be a pin.

She's awfully close.

Oh, she's squeaked out.

She's heading for the corner. She's going for the tag.

She has tagged up. Now Andrea goes back.

That's right. Let these two big girls face it off.

Leslie and Lee. Number two.

Fierce competitors.

Fierce competitors.

And Lee right on top. Right on top. She's not like a horsey. Look at that. I

think Leslie likes that. Oh, there they go. They're over. They're over.

Lee trying to get a grip. Leslie trying to swim away.

How is this going to turn out? My goodness.

Oh,

that's kind of nice.

Well.

I think all bets are off at this point.

It's too close to call, really.

Girls seem to be having a lot of fun. I think that competitive edge is kind of

gone by the wayside.

No, it's still there. It's still there.

The competition is picking up outside. I think Lee tagged off Tiffany again, and

there goes Leslie with a tag to Andrea, and back again.

Wait, what? Two on one, two on that.

That's dirty pool. That certainly is. I think all the rules are out the door.

She's not going to let that happen. That's right. We're going to make this

competition fair now.

That's a hold I haven't quite seen before, but it's one that I'm looking

to trying myself.

I think the best thing we could do at this moment is just pause and reflect on

the moment. Let the girls enjoy themselves.

Yeah.

As well as our viewers.

Well, Leslie's claiming victory there, and I don't think anyone could like

I don't think so.

The Ultimate Games continue now with tug -of -war.

That's right. This is competition number four at this point.

And these girls are priming themselves, getting their grips ready for the big

event.

Notice the only clothing they're wearing are these protective gloves.

As well it should be.

Gripping the rope, getting taut. Here we go. These girls have a lot of strength,

believe you me.

Tension is in the air. You can almost... Cut it with a knife.

Yes, you can.

There you go. They're all set to go. They're leaning back.

Boys, did they ready?

Gripping that rope tight, tighter.

These girls are all business. You can see it in their eyes.

They've been waiting for this event.

Lined up, ready with their eyes.

Waiting for the start.

Digging in.

Off they go.

There you go, the pull. Look at that.

The pull back and forth. Oh, this is really going to separate the winners.

Oh, it's going back and forth here. You'll notice there's a big bath of mud

between the two of them. Nobody wants to wind up in there.

Still smiling, but still fighting.

Leaning back as hard as they can here.

Oh, getting a little off course there.

Oh, but no, look, look. There's a comeback there. Oh, there's Fallon.

You go poor Shauna trying to be the anchor.

Still pulling? Oh, they are just locked in a fierce, fierce competition here.

Oh, this is really the most competitive of all of the games right now because

they're facing each other off one on one. It's just brute strength.

And who will be the stronger back and forth? There's no telling.

Oh, the drama.

Oh, the humanity.

Oh, the naked women there. Boy, that...

I'm distracted.

Think about it.

I can't think of anything, really.

Wait, this is it. Pulling back. That's it.

Look out.

In the dead heat up until this point.

Yes, yes, yes.

And it's going to be close then.

Who's going up? Down, down they go.

Oh, and in the mud goes the losing team. And I believe that's the blue team,

although, once again, it is hard to tell. It certainly is.

The flesh -colored team, I believe. But Dalek doesn't look too upset.

Oh, I think it's not. Good sports, these girls. Oh, absolutely.

The games continue now, and it's into the pool for strip volleyball.

You've got to love this competition. The wet and wild and wacky antics of the

penthouse pets playing strip volleyball.

That's right, and these girls love to get into the pool.

They love the bathing suits.

They love the little cut -off tops.

And we love them for loving it. We love every loving thing that they're loving.

I haven't been keeping score, Hugh. I don't believe there is a score in this

event. This is one of the few events that actually is the cross between

volleyball and free -form exhibitionism. I see. Very good. And I think these

girls are going to give us a few examples of just what the sport really

In fact, right now, I believe it's worth getting started.

So all caution has been thrown to the wind.

That's correct.

Scorekeeping done.

Over with.

Scorekeeping has been eliminated from this event.

And once again, you, the viewer, are the victor. That's correct.

Well, let's just watch.

It looks like we're back with a volley. Oh, and there's a point for those of you

trying to keep score.

I've given it up.

Oh, another victorious celebration there. A little splash, a little toss. I

think this is more frolic than actual playing of the game.

Which I think is what's totally called for at this point.

You can't have too much frolic if you have four penas, fetch, and a pole. No,

not at all.

There we go again. The fun never stops.

Oh, what a reach that was.

Nice volley going here. Very good.

Look at that move.

More celebrating, more splashing, more just general frolicking.

You know, I think it would just be a hindrance if there were, in fact, any

at all.

Yeah, I have to agree with you on this one. I think it's best to just let these

girls be who they are.

If they want to play, let them play. Just as God made them.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to give both sides the winning score for this

As well as our viewers.

There's a happy pair.

There's two happy pairs.

I was noticing that as well.

And here comes the traditional post -game hug, which is actually my favorite

part of the game. Mine as well, but was there actually a game going on? I hadn't

quite noticed. That's good.

These girls are really, really good.

What?

The final game now, and probably the most intense game, the paint war.

That's right, this game pits the girls not only against their competitors, but

against nature as well.

Stalking their prey now, searching for the other team.

And believe you me, I wouldn't want to be that other team when I get found.

That's right.

Every tree, behind every tree, lies an unforeseen danger, possibly.

Possibly a squirt with some paint.

Could be.

Still stalking. Haven't quite found them yet.

The girl's heavily camouflaged, but still hard to disappear into the foliage

itself. Thank God for that.

She's coming up and out of the brush, still searching for the other team.

This is crucial. Whoever gets the first jump on the competitor, that could be a

decisive move. The blue team on the run here, sticking together.

Safety in numbers.

There they go, coming out to the open field.

Dangerous tactic to be that exposed. This is the yellow team on an opposite

of the field, still looking, trying to find that blue team.

White, something up in the woods there.

Something up on the hillside.

White, there comes a blue team down from the hill. The yellow team, not by

surprise, running for cover.

Oh, this is going to get interesting.

There they go, taking positions.

Shots are fired. There we go.

There we go.

Lining up the shot.

It's a dead charge right here. Oh, no, but they've got it. They've squared off.

There it is. There they go.

And let the paint fly.

The idea is who can get the most coverage. Oh, a grenade gone there.

The balloon's filled with paint.

This is non -toxic paint, mind you. No girl is at any point harmed.

During the competition. Yes.

Now it's just a free -for -all with the paint, with the guns, with the water

balloon.

These girls are all business.

Oh, they're not going to let anything get by them.

The idea is to cover the other team.

Oh, there's a hint.

Oh, now.

Now they've got hand -to -hand. Total bedroom at this point.

Oh.

Now they get painted.

Oh, yeah, they are leaving their marks on each other.

Unbelievable.

Undeniable. They look a little bit like Easter eggs.

Oh, more grenades.

It's a colorful sport, if nothing else. They all seem to be equally doused in

the paint. It's kind of hard to... It's tough to say who the winner is at this

point.

Still a fierce competition.

Still that competitive spirit. These girls make quite a palette.

You know, I'm going to have to call everyone a winner in this competition.

Absolutely, Leo. You, me, the girls, everyone watching, we're all winners.

And now, let's let the girls clean themselves off.