Original subtitles

Previously on Nurse Jackie...

I don't fucking sleep, Kevin!

I don't keep secrets, Jackie.

What message are we sending Fi?

"I'm sorry, you're just not quite as important as Grace.

"We have money for her tuition, but not yours."

It's tuition, Kevin!

I suddenly am in the middle of something terribly private

between Jackie and her husband.

And I would prefer that we didn't work the same shifts.

I gotta put my marriage back together.

The fucked-up thing is, I want to do it

for Kevin as much as I do for you.

Your husband is here to see you.

Low blow, Zoey. No, come on, it's not like anyone married you either.

Jackie is married, you stupid fucking goat.

She is? Wait, you are?

You slept with her.

Yes, I did, my friend.

Lenny and I had sex.

No. What?

I just laid out two grand

for Fiona's tuition.

I'm paying every penny.

"night but the night before 24 robbers came knocking at my door

"They stole my watch, they stole my ring

"and then they all began to sing

"Policeman, policeman, do your duty One, two, three, four, five

"Not last night but the night before

"24 robbers came knocking at my door

"They stole my watch, they stole my ring

"and then they all began to sing

"Policeman, policeman, do your duty One, two, three, four, five."

Awesome.

Fi, honey.

Honestly, we couldn't be more pleased.

Neither could we.

My uniform itches.

Yeah, mine, too.

Try not to scratch, peanut.

What about you, Miss Grace? Itchy?

I'm used to it.

Well, I must say, Fiona's classmates are very excited.

And you, young lady, get to be the new girl.

That's quite an honor.

Dad already checked.

We're good.

Shall we?

Come on.

I see. Yes. You're wearing shoes.

Come in.

Come in!

I have a complaint.

I have many.

Mine's mean-spirited. Makes me feel small-hearted.

Is it justified?

I can't tell.

Maternity keeps stealing all the good gloves from the ER.

Steal them back. Hide them. Hoard them. Show some initiative.

Two wrongs don't make a... Wanna bet?

What if I get caught? Will you have my back?

Don't get caught.

But if I do and I'm interrogated,

they'll know I'm hiding something.

Your head's not made of glass, Miss Barkow.

No one can see what you're thinking.

So, you can't tell...

Actually, I can. You're looking right at it.

Rats.

May I?

Be my guest.

Okay, here we go.

"Cinderella dressed in yellow went downtown to meet her fella.

"On her way she kissed a snake. How many doctors did it take?"

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10...

Look out!

Looks like you've broken your wrist. Can you call up to x-ray?

You blindsided me. She blindsided me.

Yes, well, that's what happens when you get in her way.

You guys got this covered.

Everything all right between you two?

With O'Hara? Please.

Same shit, different doctor.

Right on.

One more thing. Mind your own business.

Dude, can we please bury the hatchet?

Yeah, let's bury it in your head.

What, no rabbit?

No rainbow scarves? No doves?

It's called initiative.

Or petty theft.

A second ago, you thought it was magic, so...

This is true.

Jackie, I got the topical from pedes.

Coming.

Watch my catheter in three. I'm gonna raid oncology.

Just for the record, those people have cancer.

I do not approve.

Please don't be a buzzkill.

What's up?

Did you like that? "Topical from pedes"?

Took me, like, 20 minutes. I got a lot of gifts. Lying's not one of them.

I don't know about that.

Yeah, well, it's true.

Eddie.

Kev showing up at work?

I thought he was here to try to bash my brains out.

Well, he wasn't.

I'm lugging this shit around

like a bag of rocks and it's killing me.

And then he calls and asks if I play softball.

Do I want to be on the bar team?

Fuck, Jackie. It's too complicated. It's not what I do.

Then say no, Eddie. Just tell him no.

And then what? Just drop out of his life?

I'm the guy he calls when his wife

leaves him on the side of the road.

I never would have gotten involved if I knew you were married.

I don't know what you want me to do.

I want him to know that I work at All Saints.

You are out of your mind.

No. See, I'm not.

Everything he knows about me is a lie.

Give me one little shred of integrity here, please,

so I don't have to keep making up bullshit about who I am.

This lies on top of lies crap...

Maybe you can live like that, I can't.

And I'm not trying to blame you.

I stayed in when I should've gotten out.

Now I'm looking for a solution that works for everyone.

Well, that doesn't work for me, so...

When you get down to the molecular level of shit,

the simplest solution is the right one.

We need to simplify.

You knew you were married. I didn't.

I think you owe me a little help getting out of this.

And don't take this the wrong way, sweetheart,

but you are an amazing fucking liar.

World-class genius.

So just think about it.

I don't need to think about it.

Call him and tell him you just lost your job and you're looking for work

in a downtown pharmacy.

And then what?

I'll take it from there.

I got the purple ones.

Put half in my desk.

Half? Half.

Patient's totally agitated. Tried to start a Valium drip,

she won't let me come near her. Coop either.

Also, don't make me work with him.

Grow up.

TB?

Chicken pox.

Scared to death. Scars.

Where'd you get the good gloves?

Hey, guys.

Good luck getting her to talk. She won't tell me how it happened.

How you doing? Not so good, I guess.

I need stitches. Well, you've come to the right place.

I cut my thumb down to the bone, one of my knuckles, too.

And I don't want him to touch me.

He's a very good doctor.

I know, but can't he go be a doctor to someone else?

Him, too.

He's only a nurse.

Douche.

I just can't be around anyone who pees standing up.

I really can't. Would it kill them to aim?

No men, no boys. Just for today, please. I swear to God.

Tell you what. O'Hara is working a poison ingestion.

Maybe she'll swap.

What the hell. A little poison never killed anyone.

Let's do it.

Thank you for joining us, Dr. Cooper.

Where was I? Oh, Michelle Obama.

Does anyone know what gets Michelle Obama out of bed in the morning?

Anyone?

Fat kids.

Traveling the country, schools, hospitals,

educating the country about childhood obesity.

She was supposed to visit St. Vincent's, God rest its soul,

it's no longer with us. So, New York was taken out of the tour.

But as of this morning, we're back in play.

Doughnut?

It's between All Saints and Bellevue.

And I don't need to tell you what I think of Bellevue. Well, maybe I do.

Two words, Lily Chung. Networking monster.

She went on safari with Melinda Gates. She's my counterpart

and she does not, I repeat, does not need the cachet

that a visit like this would bring. We do.

Do you have any idea what that kind

of press will do for our profile?

CNN, MSNBC, People magazine.

I'm talking People, people.

You can't put a price on it.

Please stop being mad at me, bro.

Pay attention, man.

So, please join me in making fat kids

enemy number one at All Saints.

Well, you know what I mean. Just do it.

Wow, you were not kidding.

This is all the way down to the bone.

Stop scratching. It's this chicken pox times four.

They've been out of school all week.

The Valium should be kicking in any minute.

I did it with a hacksaw.

Yikes.

Well, it's not like I had a choice.

It's four boys, and a husband who can't change a light bulb.

I bought a new toilet seat, went to unscrew the bolts on the old one.

It's totally fused together with urine because who aims?

Nobody. They just pull out their wieners and let 'er rip.

All of 'em. I tried pliers, wouldn't budge.

So, you know... Yeah, hacksaw. I got it.

When was your last tetanus shot?

Eighth grade. I mean, how hard could it be?

It's not like it's Skee-Ball. It's a tiny little hole 10 feet away.

It's a big fucking punchbowl right in front of your zipper! Jesus.

I'm mopping up pee every single day. It's disgusting.

Me, too. Bedpans and catheters. I got you.

Yeah, but you get paid.

Yes, I do.

You know how I get paid? In urine.

Okay, you guys, why don't you go wait outside?

I'll be out there in one minute.

Okay?

Hello. Oh, crikey. Hello. You must be Mamie.

I'm glad you're here. Mamie, this is Dr. O'Hara.

Yeah, there's the Valium.

Right.

If you don't mind, the boys are outside.

I'm just gonna deal with them.

Yeah, I think that would be best.

Okay, guys, follow me.

Bag!

This is Thor. He's my boss.

Hilarious.

Hey, guys.

Take them to the family room,

fill them up with snacks, stick them in front of the TV.

Don't you dare. Snacks and TV are why our kids are in danger.

Their mother just unhinged her jaw and tried to devour them.

TV is the safest place. Trust me.

Stand up straight.

Gentlemen.

80-ish male, arrested Tompkins Square. Witness called it in.

Defibbed in the field. Pulse is weak and tachy.

Probably wandered off from the V.A.

On my count. One, two, three.

Mr. Graham, can you hear me?

He's DNR.

Come again?

Hey, Mr. Graham. I'm Dr. Cooper.

Can you tell me what happened? Do you remember what happened?

Guys, he's "do not resuscitate."

What the fuck were you thinking?

Someone calls 911, we're obligated to resuscitate.

That's ridiculous.

Pre-hospital setting. Law's on his side.

For fuck's sake. Break a rule once in your life.

All right.

I wanted to die outside.

I don't know what to say.

You have to give him his own space.

I'm not trying to get into his space.

I'm trying to drag him into my space, and he's being a dick.

Maybe you have to bare your soul. To him, not me.

Him. Him.

Jackie.

Yes, of course I'll hold.

What do you think I've been doing for the last 40 minutes?

Just got an email from Sloan-Kettering.

O'Hara's putting out feelers around town.

Uh.

That's a good hospital.

No, I do not want to leave a message.

That's all.

Yeah, okay. Thanks.

Urology. Score. Can I hide them in the cot room?

Do your thing.

Yeah, not a drive-thru.

Two-by-twos.

Two-by-twos. Secret stash. Knuckle bump.

Her hands were kind of full, so...

You are very kind.

Feeling better?

I can't believe I went off like that in front of the kids.

They seem pretty resilient.

I look at the other moms.

Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan.

I think, "I don't know.

"Maybe it would help." But I just...

I don't want to be that kind of mom, you know?

Well, I do.

Why don't I go get your boys?

All I'm saying is, Deklin said that Jackie went off.

I know you guys share a rig, but I was there.

The guy was DNR. Jackie was right. And she didn't go off.

Someone calls 911, we have to resuscitate, boo.

He wanted to die outside.

Then be mad at the guy that called it in. Don't be mad at me.

That's how it is?

Yeah. That's how it is.

You done for the day?

Just lunch.

If you ever want company, I'm totes avail. Totally available.

Just saying.

Got it. And thank you.

You look nice today.

What? You seem kind of over me.

I'm not.

I know. I'm sorry, Kev.

The last thing I meant to do was scare you.

Sweetie, I'm not a moron.

Yes, of course there's a potential for addiction. Yes.

But I was nowhere near that.

Honey, I'm not that kind of mom.

Honey, listen. I just got called into trauma.

Okay? I'm gonna run. I love you so much.

Yeah, we'll talk later. Okay, bye.

A-K-A-L-I-T, as in Tom, U-S, as in Sam.

But that doesn't mean I want to

leave a message, because I don't.

I need 40 minutes. I'll be right back.

I'll give you 20.

No, I'm not gonna spell my name again.

And I think it's high time that you spelled yours.

Monday equals lunch on the terrace.

Do I know you or do I know you?

Sloan-Kettering? Really?

I trained with Brenda. Columbia Pres, I know everybody in HR.

St. Luke's, I trained more than half their staff.

So, there is pretty much no place

you can go where I can't be in 24 hours,

just so you know.

I'm not that easy to get rid of.

May I bring you... Hold your horses.

If I ever needed a friend, it's now.

If you want to jump ship, you're gonna jump ship

and there's nothing I can do about it.

But don't think for one second

that I won't cash in my chips at All Saints,

'cause I will. And I will find you.

Because you are my friend.

That's just the way it is.

So you might as well stay.

Please stay.

That's all I got.

Did I miss anything?

I wouldn't know.

I hit the 3 o'clock at NYU.

One day at a time, my friend.

Hanging in by a thread.

I'm gonna do it this time. I really am.

"Dear Sam. I am sorry I slept with your girlfriend.

"What a dick move. Seriously.

"Apologies are a two-way street.

"And seeing that we work together, and even though

"I am a doctor and you are a nurse,

"I still want to apologize to you

"and for you to accept my apology

"as much as I accept yours. Don't forget, you broke my nose.

"I forgive you. Yours truly, Dr. Fitch..."

Damn it!

Excuse me.

I think he was a gardener.

Lenny says the EMTs feel bad.

Good. Should have left him alone.

People got to stop trying to save people who don't want to be saved.

End of story.

Do we have a time of death?

Hey, no flowers in the bays.

Shut up.

I think that's it.

Do you... Is it okay if I... Yeah.

He's gone.

No shortage of cold shoulders between Kevin and Grace and you.

What if we were to have lunch tomorrow?

Not quite there yet.

But we're getting closer. I can tell.

How about the day after tomorrow? I'm buying.

Not making any promises.

Look who you're talking to.

My new class is almost all girls.

That's because there's more girls on the planet than boys.

Nobody has to worry. There's plenty of boys, okay?

What you got there, Jackie? Having a Shirley Temple?

Yeah. I'm trying to take it easy.

Besides, I am still hungover from your first wedding.

Hey, how you doing, Eddie? Long time.

Yeah, seems like forever. How's it going?

Shit, that was an awesome wedding. Not like this jackass.

Who the fuck has a cash bar at a wedding?

Lay off. Jackie and Kevin had a cash bar.

You, my friend, are full of crap.

Kevin, we didn't have a cash bar at our wedding, did we?

How can you not remember something about your wedding?

Of course I remember. But I think I have to buy a round

of drinks for being such a chintzy bride.

Yeah.

Kev, you'd better take that money and run, pal.

Yeah, I'd like to see you try. You could go to the ends of the Earth.

And wherever you go, 24 hours later, I'm gonna be there.

Cash in my chips, grab the girls,

do it so fast it'd make your head spin.

That's just the way it is.

You are stuck with me.

Quick favor. Follow me.

So here's the deal. Eddie lost his job today.

Wow. I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah, well, that's the least of it.

He's looking for a pharmacy gig.

Thought maybe you'd put in a word at All Saints.

Yeah, sure. I'll see what I can do.

Yeah, see what you can do.