Original subtitles

THE SIGN, I JUST SAW THE SIGN.

WHAT KINDA SIGN, SIGN OF THE TIMES?

FIRST SIGN OF TROUBLE?

A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE?

NO. AND IF I DO SEE A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE,

I'LL SAY, "THE SIGN IS NIGH."

I'VE SEEN AN ACTUAL SIGN LIKE THE ONE WE RENTED

TO PUT OUT BY THE HIGHWAY.

OH, THE SIGN! DID YOU COME UP WITH A SLOGAN?

YES, I DID. AND IT PUSHES BOTH CORNER GAS AND THE RUBY.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T LIKE TO TOSS THIS WORD AROUND LIGHTLY,

BUT I THINK IT'S PITHY.

WELL, GOOD.

JUST AS LONG AS YOU DIDN'T PUT SOMETHING STUPID ON IT

LIKE "EAT AT THE RUBY AND GET GAS."

WHOA, WHOA! HOLD UP.

WE'RE DOIN' REWRITES.

♪ YOU CAN TELL ME THAT YOUR DOG RAN AWAY ♪

♪ THEN TELL ME THAT IT TOOK THREE DAYS ♪

♪ I'VE HEARD EVERY JOKE I'VE HEARD EVERY ONE YOU SAY ♪

♪ YOU THINK THERE'S NOT A LOT GOIN' ON ♪

♪ LOOK CLOSER BABY YOU'RE SO WRONG ♪

♪ AND THAT'S WHY YOU CAN STAY SO LONG ♪

♪ WHERE THERE'S NOT A LOT GOIN' ON ♪

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE SENDING ME IN WITHOUT BACKUP.

IT'S JUST A FISHING TRIP, KAREN.

BUT IT'S WITH HANK, 12 HOURS, KILLING FISH.

IF IT GETS TO YA, YOU DON'T HAVE TO KILL 'EM,

JUST THROW HIM INTO THE LAKE.

I WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT THE FISH.

I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT THE FISH.

I ONLY SIGNED ONTO THIS BECAUSE I THOUGHT

IT WAS GOING TO BE LIKE A COP BONDING THING.

NOW I'M BONDING WITH HANK.

ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN'T COME?

THIS GUY IS THE BEST AROMATHERAPIST ON THE PRAIRIES,

AND WHEN A SLOT OPENS UP, YOU JUMP FOR IT.

I'M ALL GASSED UP, READY TO HIT THE ROAD.

HEY, SORRY, AGAIN, I HAD TO BAIL.

HEY, I UNDERSTAND. AROMATHERAPY'S AROMATHERAPY.

YOU READY TO GO? HEY, PUNCH BUGGY.

I'M JUST WARMIN' UP, A TWO-HOUR DRIVE.

GIVE ME YOUR GUN.

DON'T WORRY.

HANK IS DIFFERENT WHEN HE FISHES.

HOW?

JUST... DIFFERENT.

BRENT, WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR CANNED PASTA?

NOT CANNED PASTA, ALPHAGETTI .

HER MEMORY'S GOING.

I REMEMBER. YOU WANT ALPHAGETTI.

IF YOU REMEMBER, WHY DID YOU BRING HOME DINOGETTI?

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

YOU CAN'T SPELL WITH DINOSAURS.

THE ALPHAGETTI'S OVER--

I KNOW WHERE IT IS. I'M STILL PLAYING WITH A FULL DECK.

WHY DO YOU INSIST ON ALPHAGETTI?

YOU WON'T EVEN EAT THE Es.

OH, EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU DON'T EAT THE Es.

THEN WHY ARE THEY IN THERE?

BECAUSE THEY'RE IN THE ALPHABET.

YOU'D KNOW THIS IF YOUR MEMORY WASN'T GOING.

I WISH MY MEMORY WAS GOING.

THEN IT WOULD BE LIKE THIS CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED.

WHY ARE YA HARRANGIN' MOM?

SHE'S ALWAYS RIDIN' ME ABOUT EATING THE Es.

EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU DON'T EAT THE Es.

WELL, HER MEMORY SEEMS FINE TO ME.

YOU'RE NOT SO QUICK YOURSELF.

I'M STILL SHARP AS A WHIP.

HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY NEW SLOGAN?

I'M CHANGING THE SIGN.

IT'S A JOKE. PEOPLE LIKE THAT KINDA THING.

PLUS I CHOSE A SLOGAN WHERE THE LETTERS

COULDN'T BE REARRANGED TO SPELL ANYTHING EMBARRASSING.

WHAT SLOGAN?

COME FOR THE OIL CHANGE, STAY FOR THE GREASE.

CHOOSE GLEN FREY FOR A MENAGE A TRIOS.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT SPOOKY AT ALL.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN THINKIN' ABOUT IT.

HANK, I DON'T CARE.

YOU DON'T THINK IT WOULD BE COOL IF STAR WARS FOUGHT STAR TREK ? NO.

YOU'RE NOT CURIOUS WHO WOULD WIN A FIGHT

BETWEEN DARTH VADER AND MR. SPOCK?

I THINK YOU PRETTY MUCH COVERED IT

IN THE TWO-HOUR DRIVE. OKAY?

DON'T BOTHER CHECKING. IT'S RIGHT.

MY THIGHS ARE HOT FOR GOAT FELONS.

MY THIGHS ARE HOT YEAH. FOR GOAT FELONS?

I--I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU WORK HERE.

WITH YOUR ABILITY TO INSTANTLY REARRANGE LETTERS, YOU COULD...

OH, YEAH, THERE IS NO PRACTICAL APPLICATION FOR THAT KNOWLEDGE.

AT LEAST I HAVE AN ABILITY.

I HAVE ABILITIES. YEAH?

I COULD HAVE BEEN A PROFESSIONAL SINGER.

♪ IT WOULD NEVER RAIN IN DOG RIVER ♪

♪ IF I COULD SQUEEGEE THE SKY ♪

YOU SHOULD BE ON BROADWAY.

THE VELVET FOG HAD BETTER WATCH HIS BACK.

THIS GUY IS THE REAL DEAL.

I FEEL BLESSED.

WELL, IT IS PRETTY.

OH, YOU SHOULD SEE IT IN THE FALL.

IT'S SPECTACULAR, ALL THE CHANGING COLOURS.

LOOK AT THE LAKE, A SHIMMERING MIRROR OF SILVER RINGS

RIPPLING TOWARDS DISTANT SHORES,

RECEDING INTO A BURNT ORANGE SKY.

WE'VE GOT A LONG WALK AHEAD OF US.

OKAY, THAT WAS DIFFERENT.

WHERE'S MY ALPHAGETTI? I BOUGHT IT, THEN I LEFT IT HERE.

YEAH. THEN YOU CAME BACK AND PICKED IT UP.

DIDN'T HE, WANDA? YEP, ABOUT 20 MINUTES AGO.

I DID NOT.

DID NOT WHAT? GET MY ALPHAGETTI.

YOU FEELIN' OKAY, DAD?

WHERE'S MY ALPHAGETTI? IT WAS RIGHT HERE ON THE COUNTER!

OKAY, ALL RIGHT, MY MISTAKE.

WE'LL GET YOU SOME.

DON'T HUMOUR ME.

I'M NOT HUMOURING YA.

HERE YA GO.

THANK YOU.

YOU GONNA PAY FOR THAT?

I ALREADY PAID FOR THIS.

OH, UM, COME TO THINK OF IT, UH, OSCAR ALREADY PAID.

OH. OKAY.

IF YOU SAY YOU DID, THEN YOU DID.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD LIE DOWN.

STOP IT!

THAT'S FUN.

YEAH. THANKS FOR PLAYIN' ALONG.

I'M TORTURING DAD BECAUSE HE'S BEEN BUGGIN' MOM ABOUT--

AH, IT'S OKAY. I DON'T NEED A REASON.

YOU REALLY LIKE FISHIN', HUH?

FISHING IS ABOUT THE INTERPLAY OF AIR AND WATER,

CHANCE AND SKILL,

GRACE AND ART.

WE ARE LINKED TO INFINITY BY A SHIMMERING STRAND

NO THICKER THAN A QUARTER POUND LINE.

YEAH.

IT'S HOT.

AHH.

THAT WAS WEIRD.

DO YOU WANT SOME BUG SPRAY?

NO, I'M--I'M--I'M GOOD.

MINE WAS PITHIER.

I LIKE IT.

ENJOY A MEAL AT THE RUBY.

SLOW SERVICE. MAKES ME LOOK BAD.

IT'S JUST A JOKE.

PEOPLE LIKE THAT SORTA THING.

EXCEPT IT'S NOT FUNNY.

OH, OKAY. I SEE.

YOU'RE ALLOWED TO BE PITHY, BUT I CAN'T BE PITHY.

YOU JUST HAVE TO BE PITHY.

THIS ISN'T PITHY. THIS IS MEAN SPIRITED.

THIS IS PITHY. IT'S NOT PITHY.

PITHY.

I PRIDE MYSELF ON MY SPEEDY SERVICE.

HOLD ON!

WHEN I FIND MYSELF IN THE DAPPLED SUNLIGHT ON THESE SHORES,

EXISTENCE FADES INTO THE SOUND OF WATER.

ALL THE WORLD IS A LAKE,

EACH MOMENT A DROPLET IN A TORRENT OF WATER

THAT BEGAN BEFORE TIME.

I LIKE FISH.

WELL, WE SHOULD GET GOING.

NO, WAIT! KEEP--KEEP TALKING ABOUT FISHING.

UM, DO YOU--DO YOU HAVE ONE THOSE JACKETS,

THE VESTS WITH ALL THE POCKETS?

WELL, YOU KNOW, FISHING IS LIKE A POCKET.

WE STOW AWAY EACH PRECIOUS MOMENT--

KISS ME, FISH MAN!

YOU CALL THAT PITHY?

HEY, UH, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY OF THOSE FISHING MAGAZINES, DO YOU?

HMM?

YOU KNOW, WITH PHOTOS OF GUYS FISHING?

ARE YOU OKAY?

I--I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HANK.

WHAT?

I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HIM.

YES, MAYBE WE MADE OUT AND MAYBE IT WAS INCREDIBLE,

BUT I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HANK.

ARE YOU HAVING SOME KIND OF A SEIZURE OR SOMETHING?

HEY.

HEY, WANDA, YOU GOT ANY EXPIRED MILK I CAN TAKE HOME?

HUH?

I NEED TO GO HAVE A SHOWER.

YEAH, ANYTHING EXPIRED.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY MEMORY.

I'M ON THE BALL.

I'LL TELL YA WHEN I GET OFF THE BALL,

WHICH IS NEVER.

SOMETHING WRONG WITH OSCAR?

HE'S JUST WORRIED BECAUSE HIS MEMORY'S SLIPPING A BIT.

IT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET OLDER.

NONE OF US IS GETTING ANY YOUNGER.

NOW THAT'S TRUE. I'LL GET YOU YOUR BILL.

MY MEMORY IS NOT SLIPPING. I'M AS SHARP AS I EVER WAS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU TWO ARE TRYING TO PULL.

YOU GETTING PARANOID, TOO, DAD?

DO YOU THINK WE ENLISTED THE WHOLE TOWN

IN A GIANT CONSPIRACY TO MAKE YOU THINK YOUR MEMORY'S GOING?

AND THERE'S YOUR BURGER.

DIDN'T I...? I--I DIDN'T--

SOMETHING WRONG WITH OSCAR?

HE'S JUST WORRIED BECAUSE HIS MEMORY'S SLIPPING A BIT.

IT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET OLDER.

AND NONE OF US IS GETTING ANY YOUNGER.

STOP IT, YA BUNCH A--!

DON'T FLY OFF THE HANDLE.

I'M NOT OFF THE HANDLE. I'M STILL ON THE HANDLE.

I'LL TELL YA WHEN I COME OFF THE HANDLE, OR THE BALL.

GOOD TEAMWORK.

HEY, IT'S NICE YOU'RE NOT UPSET ABOUT HOW I CHANGED THE SIGN.

YOU CHANGED THE SIGN?

WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE COME ON THAT FISHING TRIP?

I KNOW AROMATHERAPY'S AROMATHERAPY, BUT--

I NEVER WENT TO AN AROMATHERAPIST. IT WAS AN EXCUSE.

LAST TIME I WAS FISHING, HANK WAS...

I HAD STRANGE FEELINGS...

TINGLY FEELINGS.

I DECIDED IT WOULD BE BETTER NOT TO GO.

I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HIM, YOU KNOW?

WHAT?

WHO HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO? WHAT ARE PEOPLE SAYING?

WHAT HAPPENED?

HE WAS TALKING ABOUT DARTH VADER FIGHTING MR. SPOCK.

DARTH VADER WOULD NEVER FIGHT MR. SPOCK.

DARTH VADER WOULD FIGHT CAPTAIN KIRK,

AND THERE WOULD BE A GOOD MATCH.

MAN, IS IT BUSY.

I'VE BEEN HEARING MORE BELLS THAN--

QUASIMODO?

PAVLOV'S DOG?

THE CHIEF BELL TESTER DOWN AT THE BIG BELL FACTORY?

WHAT WAS THE FIRST ONE YOU SAID? QUAMIDOSO.

LET'S GO WITH THAT.

WHAT YA DOIN'?

I'M WORKIN' ON A NEW SLOGAN FOR THE SIGN.

I WANTED "LACEY IS A COW," BUT I CAN'T FIND A "W."

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

I TOOK DOWN "BRENT IS AN ASS."

OOH.

WERE THERE ANY "Ws" IN THERE?

OH, BRENT, LETS JUST STOP THIS CHILDISH FIGHT.

IT'S NOT CHILDISH.

HEY, IS "POOPFACE" HYPHENATED?

BUSINESS HAS BEEN PICKING UP AND I DON'T WANT TO RUIN

EVERYTHING JUST BECAUSE OF THESE STUPID SIGNS.

OH.

BUT PEOPLE LOVE THE SIGNS. THAT'S WHY WE'RE SO BUSY.

PEOPLE ARE COMING BY JUST TO SEE WHAT YOU'RE GONNA PUT UP NEXT.

OKAY, TAKE THE "M," FLIP IT OVER, MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A "W."

WHY ARE YOU GOIN' AROUND TELLIN' PEOPLE WE SLEPT TOGETHER?

HANK?

NOW PEOPLE ARE GONNA THINK I'M EASY.

STOP BRAGGIN'!

KAREN, YOU SLEPT WITH HANK?

GOD! YOU EVEN TOLD LACEY? YOU ARE SUCH A BRAGGER!

AAAEEH!

THE SIGN IS NIGH.

I DON'T GET IT. THIS PLACE IS DEADER THAN A--

QUASIMODO? PAVLOV'S DOG?

THE CHIEF BELL TESTER DOWN AT THE BIG BELL FACTORY,

AFTER HE DIED?

I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN OUR SLOGAN IS SNARKY, BUT CLEVER. WHAT WENT WRONG?

HEY, GUYS.

YOUR NEW SIGN SUCKS.

PLUS THE "S" IN "SHOULD" IS OBVIOUSLY AN UPSIDE-DOWN "5."

WE NEED BETTER SLOGANS.

HOO! HEY.

DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT. I'M ARMED, YOU KNOW?

IS THE GUN EVEN LOADED?

I DON'T KNOW, PROBABLY.

THIS IS AN INTERVENTION. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.

YES, YOU DO. YOU SLEPT WITH HANK.

I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HANK.

THEN, WHY ARE YOU TELLING EVERYBODY YOU SLEPT WITH HIM?

DO YOU HAVE A SUBSTANCE ABUSE PROBLEM?

WHEN HE GOES FISHING, HE'S DIFFERENT.

HE TALKS ABOUT THE STRING OF LIFE

AND THE INDELIBLE ETERNAL STRING.

ARE YOU ON SOMETHING RIGHT NOW?

LET ME CHECK YOUR PUPILS.

HE WAS LIKE BRAD PITT IN A RIVER RUNS THROUGH IT

OR THE HORSE WHISPERER .

HE WAS LIKE THE FISH WHISPERER.

THE FISH WHISPERER?

LISTEN TO YOU!

YOU SLEPT WITH HANK AND YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE!

THAT'S WHY YOU NEED THIS INTERVENTION!

I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HANK!

OKAY, WHAT ABOUT THIS?

"THE GAS AT CORNER GAS BURNS DIRTY,

WHILE THE RUBY IS DIRTY, AND THE FOOD GIVES YOU HEARTBURN."

GEEZ, I DON'T KNOW. DO YOU THINK IT'S LONG ENOUGH?

WE NEED SOMETHING BIG, SOMETHING OUTRAGEOUS.

MY THIGHS ARE HOT FOR GOAT FELONS.

YOUR THIGHS ARE WHAT?

HEY, I JUST SAW KAREN DOWNTOWN.

WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HANK.

YOU WERE JUST WITH KAREN DOWNTOWN? YEAH.

WELL, WHO'S WATCHIN' THE GAS STATION?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT IF A CUSTOMER COMES IN?

THEY LEAVE MONEY ON THE COUNTER.

IT'S NOT AS IF WE'RE MISSING SOMEONE IMPORTANT.

HELLO?

I'M PAMELA WALLIN, THE CANADIAN CONSUL GENERAL TO NEW YORK.

HELLO?

I USED TO BE ON TELEVISION. I HAVE A PLATINUM CARD.

IS ANYBODY HERE?

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

OOH, I'VE NEVER BEEN IN THE FRONT OF ONE OF THESE BEFORE.

IT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO.

LOOK, I JUST WANTED TO SAY

I FORGIVE YOU.

WHAT?

I FORGIVE YOU, YOU KNOW, FOR GOIN' AROUND BRAGGIN.

I'M NOT BRAGGING. YOU SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING TO ME .

YOU LURED ME OUT INTO THE WOODS.

YOU LURED ME INTO THE WOODS AND THEN SEDUCED ME WITH YOUR SEXY FISH TALK.

WHAT, ARE YOU NUTS? FISH TALK AIN'T SEXY.

WELL, NO POINT IN ARGUING.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT?

WELL, TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.

TIME IS ALSO THE ANGLER ♪ THAT CATCHES US--

STOP WITH THE SEXY FISH TALK!

FINE.

BUT YOU STOP BRAGGIN' ABOUT US.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

I MEAN, I--I DON'T WANT WHAT HAPPENED THAT DAY

TO WRECK WHAT WAS A PERFECTLY GOOD NON-FRIENDSHIP.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

BEFORE THAT DAY WE HAD SOMETHING THAT WAS NOT SPECIAL AT ALL.

I HOPE WE CAN GO BACK TO THAT.

ME TOO.

YOU KNOW, IT'S KINDA LIKE SHOOTING.

YOU GET THIS SUDDEN ♪ BURST OF RAW ENERGY

THAT EXPLODES INTO ♪ A GOSSAMER THREAD.

AS THE BULLET ♪ TRIES TO, YOU KNOW,

KILL THE THING YOU'VE GOT THE GUN POINTED AT.

YOU'RE DISGUSTING.

OKAY, HERE THEY COME. GET READY.

HEY, DAD.

DID YOU FORGET WHAT DAY IT IS TODAY?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WELL, I KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS. IT'S--

UH, WAIT A MINUTE.

OSCAR, CAN YOU WAIT FOR ME OUTSIDE FOR A SECOND?

WHY?

I HAVE TO BUY SOME, UM, FEMALE THINGS.

THIS HAS GONE FAR ENOUGH.

NO MORE TRICKING YOUR FATHER. IT'S GETTING CRUEL.

AA-AH.

NO MORE TRICKS.

OKAY.

YOU HEARD HER, EVERYBODY.

WELL, THAT WAS A WASTE OF TIME.

WE'VE GONE TOO FAR.

YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE.

ME? WHAT ABOUT YOU?

I HAVE TO LIVE WITH HIM.

NOW APOLOGIZE. YOU'RE MAKING HIM PARANOID.

MAKIN' HIM PARANOID?

HE THAT THINKS THE G.S.T. WAS BROUGHT IN

AS A PERSONAL ATTACK AGAINST HIM.

I KNOW.

FINE.

MAKE SURE YOU GET BOTH SIGNS,

THE ONE THAT SAYS THAT HE'S 60 AND THE ONE THAT SAYS HE'S 70.

ARE THOSE CRAB CAKES?

LEAVE THEM.

DAD, I'VE BEEN TOLD I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU.

WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME.

WHAT FOR?

WELL, ME AND LACEY AND, UH, WELL, THE WHOLE TOWN, REALLY,

HAVE BEEN WORKING TOGETHER

TO MAKE YOU THINK YOUR MEMORY'S GOING.

NO, YOU HAVEN'T.

YES, WE HAVE. REMEMBER THE HAMBURGER THING?

LACEY BROUGHT YOU A HAMBURGER WHEN YOU JUST FINISHED EATING A HAMBURGER.

THE ALPHAGETTI?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

YOU LEFT YOUR ALPHAGETTI AT THE GAS STATION.

I RUN A GAS STATION?

I KNOW YOU RUN A GAS STATION. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL?

DID YOU GET IT ALL WORKED OUT?

HE'S MAKIN' UP A STORY ABOUT HOW THE WHOLE TOWN'S TRYING TO TRICK ME.

BUT I'M NOT FALLIN' FOR IT.

COME ON, OSCAR, LET'S GO HOME.

I'LL MAKE YOU SOME ALPHAGETTI.

I WANT THE KIND WITH DINOSAURS.

WOW.

BUSINESS IS GOOD, HUH?

YEAH. HOW ABOUT YOU?

YEAH. IT'S BEEN NON-STOP GAS PUMPIN' ACTION OVER THERE.

I'VE BEEN HEARIN' MORE BELLS THAN A HUNCHBACK DOG AT A BELL FACTORY.

HIYA, GUYS. JUST WANTED TO SAY LOVE THE NEW SIGN.

TWO THUMBS UP.

WELL, I GUESS IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE.

IF YOU HAVE THE RIGHT SLOGAN.

YOU'RE SUCH A BRAGGER.

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♪ I DON'T KNOW THE SAME THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW I JUST DON'T KNOW ♪

♪ IT'S A GREAT BIG PLACE ♪

♪ FULL OF NOTHIN' BUT SPACE ♪

♪ AND IT'S MY HAPPY PLACE ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW YES YOU DO ♪

♪ YOU JUST WON'T ADMIT IT ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW THE SAME THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ♪

WE'RE ON THE INTERWEB AT cornergas.com

♪ I DON'T KNOW ♪

♪ I JUST DON'T KNOW ♪