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1
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New York City, no matter
how well you think you know it,
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there's always somewhere
or someone new to discover.
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I was on my second date with Ray King,
who lived in Queens,
5
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although it felt like our second,
third and fourth date,
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because we'd been to three jazz clubs
in one night.
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I can't sing for shit,
but damn, can I chop.
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And where does one learn this skill?
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-Jersey Shore.
-Is that where you're from?
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Listen. This lick right here
is why I wanted to play the bass.
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12
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Man.
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How about that?
14
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Jesus, that's sweet.
15
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Listen to that again.
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17
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Yeah. Yeah.
18
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How about that?
19
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This might be a good time to tell you...
20
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I don't like jazz.
21
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Why would you say something like that?
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I don't know, you can't follow it,
24
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and there's no melody.
25
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And it's just like aaah!
It's all over the place.
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Carrie, you gotta stop trying
to make it be something else,
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and appreciate it for what it is.
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Damn, I wish I had my bass.
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Come here, you be the bass.
30
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Don't I have to be
in the musician's union or something?
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-You play all those instruments?
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"Play" is a little strong. I learn
a few notes, I get bored, I move on.
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Listen to the bass.
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The beauty of jazz,
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is that it can go anywhere.
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It can go from here...
37
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to here...
38
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-to here...
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It was right about that time
that I started to appreciate
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a little type of music we call jazz.
41
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42
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So, what did you do last night?
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I listened to jazz.
44
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45
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What is so funny about jazz?
46
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Okay, here it is.
47
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Last night, with Ray,
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I had...
49
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50
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:20,409
The most intense orgasm
of my entire life.
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-Oh.
-I did my laundry. Continue.
52
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It doesn't make sense,
I barely know him.
53
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We've only been on two dates.
54
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And yet you had sex with him.
55
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Can everyone please let Carrie
talk about the sex?
56
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The mind-blowing sex. Now,
57
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I realize that this next statement,
58
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makes me a bit of a freak, but, um...
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I usually have to be in love
with someone
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to have that kind of orgasm.
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00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,314
You might want to see someone
about that.
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What the hell is going on?
63
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,485
Maybe Ray is the one.
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Your clitoris seems to think so.
65
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Ah, it was probably just a fluke.
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I'm going back tomorrow to find out.
67
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,785
I, on the other hand, am on strike.
68
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What does that mean?
69
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,789
It means I'm not having any more sex.
70
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,125
That's not a strike, honey,
that's a slump.
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No, it might have started as a slump,
but I'm in control of it now.
72
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:16,214
I've made the conscious decision
not to have sex
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until conditions improve.
74
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:20,010
How many people
will be affected by this strike?
75
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:23,430
Um, so far, just the one,
but, uh, I'm optimistic.
76
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,723
77
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The thing is,
I can't go on any more bad dates.
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I would rather be home alone
than out with some guy
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who sells socks on the Internet.
80
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Well, I'm dating someone.
81
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Someone I actually like.
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-Good.
-Wow!
83
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Maria.
84
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My Maria, from the gallery?
85
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She's my Maria now, we're having a...
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relationship.
87
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Yes, ladies, I'm a lesbian.
88
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Wait a second.
89
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-You're in a relationship?
-Yes. Oh.
90
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:06,515
And she just walked in.
91
00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:09,309
Please get those looks
off your faces. Maria.
92
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93
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,818
-Hello.
-You know Charlotte.
94
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:18,985
Sure.
95
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,779
And this is Carrie and Miranda.
96
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,364
-Hi!
-It's so nice to meet you.
97
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:25,200
-Good to see you.
-I see you told them.
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00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,493
Mm-hm.
99
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,787
-How does that work?
- Uh--
100
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You go to bed,
you wake up the next morning
101
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and, poof, you're a lesbian?
102
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,459
I forgot to tell you,
I'm a fire hydrant.
103
00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:36,795
Yeah, I'm a shoe.
104
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I always wanted to be one,
and, poof, now I am.
105
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:43,009
I don't think she's a lesbian,
I think she just ran out of men.
106
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,512
Then you go on strike,
you don't eat pussy.
107
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Ew.
108
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Did you just say "eat pussy"?
109
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I did, but just for emphasis.
110
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You know, the truly amazing thing is,
I had the news tonight.
111
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-I had the most intense...
-"Mind-blowing," I believe was the word.
112
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...orgasm of my life,
113
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and Samantha still managed to up-sex me.
114
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115
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They met at my gallery.
I introduced them.
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Poof, you're a pimp.
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Later that night,
inspired by Samantha's willingness
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to explore new territory,
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Charlotte felt it was time
to conquer some old territory.
120
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The bed.
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Where she and Trey
had so much trouble as man and wife.
122
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Here we are.
123
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Yep.
124
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:40,108
Should we have a glass of wine first?
125
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-I'm fine, unless you--
-No, I'm okay.
126
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If you don't feel ready...
127
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Just because she was on strike,
didn't mean she had to do without.
128
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That's how Miranda discovered
the perfect relationship.
129
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,350
Welcome to the show. I'm Jon Stewart...
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Jon Stewart and chocolate éclairs.
131
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...be here today and she is,
from what I understand, in love with me.
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That night,
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Charlotte and Trey enjoyed
a sweet ending to their evening as well.
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Not bad, huh?
135
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:31,034
136
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,787
It was almost mind-blowing.
137
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Charlotte was relieved.
138
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,125
Now that they had fixed their problem
in the bedroom,
139
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she was ready to move back
into the other rooms as well.
140
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,547
So...
141
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what are you thinking?
142
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I'm thinking I've never seen
my John Thomas so hard.
143
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I swear, at times I felt like
it was gonna rocket right off.
144
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What were you thinking?
145
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,484
I don't know. Um...
146
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,028
147
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,405
Should I?
148
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Do you?
149
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,958
-Are we ready to--
-Go again?
150
00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,381
Houston, we don't have a problem.
151
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:31,344
Three, two, one, blastoff!
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153
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,098
154
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,018
-Who is it?
-It's Ray.
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00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,145
Uh, hi. Uh, come on up.
156
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:41,229
157
00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:42,313
Shit.
158
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:47,485
Hello?
159
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:51,865
So did you and the girls
run down the street talking about me?
160
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-Maybe.
-How many blocks?
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Oh...
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Two, okay, nine.
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Honestly, I'm a little hurt.
164
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,292
After all the hours I've spent listening
165
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,461
to you people
talk about your relationships.
166
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:05,712
167
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,088
You do that?
168
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,798
I make the courtesy call.
169
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:11,342
"Do you think you love him?
Blah, blah, blah."
170
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:15,263
Well, you just caught us a little
off guard with the lesbian thing.
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That's just a label,
like Gucci or Versace.
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Or Birkenstock.
173
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This is not about being gay or straight.
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00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,938
Maria is an incredible woman.
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She's got passion, and talent,
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-intelligence--
-A vagina.
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-Vagina schmagina.
-"Schmagina"?
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00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,325
Is that what
the lesbians are calling it?
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For your information,
we haven't even had sex yet.
180
00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:39,120
Wow.
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You really are in a relationship.
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00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,709
I am. Life is not all about sex.
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Try telling that to her schmagina.
184
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,507
I want a bourbon,
and I want to go down on you.
185
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Not necessarily in that order.
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00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:55,303
The truth is,
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I really want it
to be special the first time.
188
00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:01,309
I'm sure that it will be special.
189
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:02,811
Um...
190
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:06,439
I'm sure it will be special, because--
191
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,483
Is Ray there?
192
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:12,987
No, Samantha, I'm listening. I...
Oh, God. I'm listening.
193
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:17,200
The next day,
I thought about what Samantha said.
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00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:20,662
She wasn't having sex because she
wanted to have a relationship,
195
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:24,791
and I was having mind-blowing sex
hoping to turn it into a relationship.
196
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,209
So there you have it.
197
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,378
We've got a relationship without sex,
198
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,296
and sex without a relationship.
199
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,674
Which had a better shot at survival?
200
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,676
I couldn't help but wonder,
201
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,137
what comes first,
the chicken or the sex?
202
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:41,432
That night I decided
to really talk to Ray.
203
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,894
I figured we needed
to catch the relationship up to the sex.
204
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,105
Well, that was the plan.
205
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:50,817
Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait.
206
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:54,529
I asked you a question.
Where did you go to school?
207
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,322
All over.
208
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,657
209
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:58,825
Oh.
210
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,870
Freckles on the legs,
nothing wrong with that.
211
00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:04,873
It was my best relationship ever.
212
00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,040
213
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,544
Meanwhile, over at Casa de Lesbo...
214
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,546
That coq au vin was amazing.
215
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:15,884
You can paint,
you can cook, you can do everything.
216
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,431
But...
217
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:25,935
you brought the most incredible dessert.
218
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:28,855
Want a bite?
219
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,946
Samantha decided
if she was going to be gay,
220
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,032
she'd be gay all the way.
221
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:41,784
Mm.
222
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,415
I might not be much in the kitchen,
223
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:51,002
but I'm more than enough in the bedroom.
224
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,635
225
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,307
Oh, baby.
226
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,892
Samantha.
227
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,938
It's not really working for me.
228
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:14,817
It was a phrase
Samantha had never heard in bed before.
229
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:18,738
Honey, I've never gotten any complaints
from the men.
230
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:20,198
231
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:23,159
Well, men.
232
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:28,539
I want you to look at me.
233
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,418
Connect with me.
234
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:36,923
This is lovemaking.
235
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,217
It's not a porno flick.
236
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:43,388
I want to show you. I'm gonna lay down.
237
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:46,015
And I want you to look at my boceta.
238
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:50,687
It's a Portuguese word for "pussy."
239
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:02,532
Meanwhile, Miranda,
still off sex and on chocolate,
240
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,994
couldn't bring herself to order
the seven éclairs she really wanted.
241
00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:07,912
So she asked for just one.
242
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:10,665
One cake, please.
243
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:14,085
-Which do you recommend?
-I'd go with the Louvre.
244
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:16,754
Monsieur Pa yard's
signature chocolate cake.
245
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:19,215
Wow. Sold.
246
00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:21,884
Okay, that'll be $74.50.
247
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:24,470
As in 74 dollars and 50 cents?
248
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,014
Yes.
249
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:29,017
Miranda decided
she didn't need a cake that badly,
250
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:35,398
especially when she could make one
for under $5.
251
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:39,319
Every once in a while,
a girl has to indulge herself.
252
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:41,654
253
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:48,453
Oh!
254
00:13:49,704 --> 00:13:50,747
Oh.
255
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:55,793
Mm.
256
00:13:58,212 --> 00:13:59,422
Oh.
257
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:03,343
258
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,345
-I'm on the mallard!
-Huh?
259
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:06,763
Sorry.
260
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:19,108
261
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,357
He still hasn't asked me
to move back in.
262
00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:02,068
We make love all over the apartment.
In the morning,
263
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:05,113
I get in a cab and go home
like a Park Avenue hooker!
264
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:07,365
-Can't you bring it up?
-No!
265
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:10,576
We finally got the penis working,
I don't want to scare it.
266
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,870
Why can't I have the relationship
and the sex?
267
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,997
-Why is it one or the other?
-You got me.
268
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:17,875
I wanna order.
Where's the lesbian du jour?
269
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:20,420
Oh, listen, you guys,
when she gets here,
270
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,672
we have to talk about her relationship.
271
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,133
She was mad
we didn't take it seriously last time.
272
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:28,886
Please. She isn't having a relationship,
she's just doing this to bug us.
273
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:31,764
I don't know.
They haven't even had sex yet.
274
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,934
She said she wants it to be special.
275
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,310
-Really?
-Yeah.
276
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,730
Well, then we should be supportive.
277
00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:42,024
This is the healthiest thing
she's done in ages.
278
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,569
Does anybody want to split
the chocolate pudding?
279
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,779
Morning, ladies.
280
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,698
-Morning.
-Hi!
281
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:55,204
Tell us about your relationship.
How is everything going with Maria?
282
00:15:55,663 --> 00:16:00,001
Well, did you know
that when a vagina gets engorged,
283
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,253
it expands to the size of a fist?
284
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,338
It's like a fabulous cave.
285
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:05,840
I guess they've had sex.
286
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,968
-Apparently so.
-And we have three holes down there.
287
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,429
Okay, stop talking
about your relationship.
288
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:14,724
But it's fascinating!
There are places a dick just can't go.
289
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,185
Some dicks manage just fine.
290
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,562
Please, Maria has ten dicks.
291
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,981
For the record, you started this.
292
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:23,983
I am sorry,
293
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,445
but a finger is not a dick.
294
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:29,864
A finger is more like a third of a dick.
295
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,825
So technically,
Maria only has three and a third dicks.
296
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,620
I can tell you right now, this...
297
00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:39,790
is not the same as this.
298
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:41,918
Okay, put that away.
299
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:45,379
I'm just saying,
size has nothing to do with it.
300
00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:47,590
What's happening to you?
301
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,800
I'm getting an education.
302
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,553
Not only do I now know everything
there is to know
303
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,597
about the glorious boceta...
304
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,390
That's Portuguese for "pussy."
305
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,101
"Boceta, schmagina,
let's call the whole thing off."
306
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:01,020
The most important thing,
307
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:04,774
is that Maria has taught me
how to connect during sex.
308
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:07,026
It's not just some animal act.
309
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:11,405
It's about two people making love.
310
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,242
Yeah.
311
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,620
Yeah.
312
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,039
313
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,124
-Hey.
-Hi.
314
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:25,002
I couldn't pick a shirt.
Red, blue, I didn't know.
315
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:27,213
Come on in, I'm making margaritas.
316
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,174
Hey. Look what I bought today.
317
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:34,845
-My first jazz CD.
-No.
318
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,724
No. You gotta hear that on vinyl.
319
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:42,311
Wait, Ray.
320
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:44,105
Ray, Ray.
321
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:47,775
Ray! Stop. Don't play anything.
322
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:51,654
Don't scat, don't chop, don't blend.
323
00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:52,822
Could we...
324
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:55,283
Could we just sit and talk for a while?
325
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:58,786
Oh, the "gotta talk" girl, gotta talk.
326
00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:01,205
"What are you thinking?
Where is this going?"
327
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:03,374
I'm not that girl.
328
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,168
I'm not any girl, I just want to talk.
329
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,213
You know, talk.
330
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,633
Like, where are you from?
331
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,677
You said something about
the Jersey Shore.
332
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,054
I spent a couple summers there.
333
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,056
Worked on the boardwalk.
334
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:21,058
There was a skeet shooting place
I went to.
335
00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:23,811
-On the Jersey Shore?
-Upstate New York, college.
336
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,563
And, pull!
337
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:28,899
Man, why no skeet in the city?
I love the skeet.
338
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,694
I should open one in New York.
Maybe sell a club.
339
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:34,322
When was the last time
you had canned corn?
340
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,741
That sounds good right now. You hungry?
341
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:39,285
-No, because remember I met--
342
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,788
I had a pot pie in Vegas once,
loaded with corn...
343
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,081
As Ray talked,
344
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:47,877
I realized he wasn't spontaneous
and unpredictable and thrilling.
345
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,337
This is the old downtown...
346
00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,048
He was a guy with ADD.
347
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,174
My mom used to drink...
348
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:54,842
What kind of relationship
could I have
349
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,844
with a guy I couldn't even talk to?
350
00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:58,095
Flaky crust.
351
00:18:58,429 --> 00:18:59,847
I'd have to end it.
352
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,849
You like pies?
353
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:04,560
Ray?
354
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,563
Wanna play me?
355
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:09,690
Yeah.
356
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:10,900
Eventually.
357
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:11,984
358
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,492
Meanwhile, uptown...
359
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:21,452
I was thinking.
360
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:24,372
Charlotte gave Trey one more chance
to ask her to move in.
361
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:27,083
Ah, I'm just gonna say it. Ahem.
362
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,086
Next time I'm hard,
363
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:33,005
would you consider
measuring my John Thomas?
364
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,758
What? No!
365
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:38,636
I understand, it's juvenile, I know.
366
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:41,347
But I've just never seen it like this.
367
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,226
I'm taking a shower.
368
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:50,106
Charlotte was never a woman
who cared much about penises
369
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,733
and now a penis was running her life.
370
00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,363
Forget it.
371
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:05,871
As Charlotte lathered up,
372
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,290
she really started to get lathered up.
373
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,085
Who did he think he was?
374
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:14,004
He was her husband,
and she was his wife.
375
00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:17,466
What the hell was going on
in this Upper East Side nightmare?
376
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,095
-Trey!
-Oh.
377
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,973
I'm tired of being married
to your penis!
378
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,683
I am a person.
379
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,768
This is supposed to be a relationship!
380
00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,812
And I am done walking on eggshells!
381
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:33,149
"Ooh, don't talk about moving in
in front of the penis
382
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:34,817
because it might go soft."
383
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,695
"The penis likes this,"
and "The penis doesn't like that!"
384
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,197
And "The penis wants to be measured!"
385
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:42,658
-It was just a thought.
-Here's another thought!
386
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:45,161
You can shove this marriage up your ass!
387
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,370
Don't go.
388
00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:50,416
I'm going home to my own apartment,
where I have a lease.
389
00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:54,503
I hope that you and your penis
have a very lovely night!
390
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:09,143
Meanwhile, Miranda
was getting fed up as well...
391
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,519
with herself.
392
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:40,216
Hi, it's me, leave a message.
393
00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:42,009
I know you're probably busy
394
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:44,428
having mind-blowing sex right now,
395
00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:48,474
but I feel that you need to know,
your good friend Miranda Hobbes
396
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:51,435
has just taken a piece of cake
out of the garbage
397
00:21:51,602 --> 00:21:52,895
and eaten it.
398
00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:55,231
You'll probably need this information
399
00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:58,234
when you check me
in to the Betty Crocker Clinic.
400
00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:16,669
That night Miranda realized
401
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:20,297
she'd been using chocolate
as a substitute for sex,
402
00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:23,050
and now she needed
a substitute for chocolate.
403
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,560
The strike was officially over.
404
00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:34,562
405
00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:37,022
That's perfect!
406
00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:38,607
Just when she thought she knew
407
00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:41,026
everything there was to know
about women...
408
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:42,278
409
00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:46,657
...Samantha caused the very elusive
410
00:22:46,824 --> 00:22:48,409
female ejaculation.
411
00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:49,785
Was that good or bad?
412
00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:53,205
That was very good.
413
00:22:53,956 --> 00:22:56,959
Samantha got the relationship
and the sex.
414
00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,796
In fact, a little more sex
than she'd expected.
415
00:23:03,716 --> 00:23:05,134
I want some water.
416
00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:07,052
You want some water?
417
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:09,805
Be right back.
418
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:12,057
The next morning,
I woke up with a new thought.
419
00:23:12,141 --> 00:23:14,059
Maybe Ray was like jazz.
420
00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:17,730
Instead of trying to make him be
something else, I needed to let go,
421
00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,732
and appreciate him for what he was.
422
00:23:20,107 --> 00:23:22,318
Truly mind-blowing sex.
423
00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:24,236
424
00:23:24,528 --> 00:23:27,156
425
00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:39,126
Ray?
426
00:23:45,341 --> 00:23:47,009
But unfortunately,
427
00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:49,803
I got the feeling
Ray had stopped playing me,
428
00:23:49,887 --> 00:23:52,264
and moved on to another instrument.
429
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:03,776
Morning, ma'am.
430
00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:05,361
Morning.
431
00:24:07,488 --> 00:24:09,531
You, uh, left something at my...
432
00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:14,411
-At the apartment.
-Oh.
433
00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:21,168
I want you to move back in,
434
00:24:21,710 --> 00:24:23,837
and get rid of this old apartment.
435
00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:27,049
And stay all night, every night.
436
00:24:27,591 --> 00:24:30,511
And wake up next to me every morning
and be my wife.
437
00:24:32,930 --> 00:24:34,723
-You do?
-Yeah.
438
00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:39,603
I talked it over with my penis
and we both agree.
439
00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:44,024
I don't want to lose you again.
440
00:24:46,193 --> 00:24:48,988
Charlotte York MacDougal,
441
00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:51,991
will you remarry me?
442
00:24:52,783 --> 00:24:54,493
Yes, Trey MacDougal,
443
00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:56,870
I will remarry you.
444
00:25:16,807 --> 00:25:18,976
445
00:25:20,811 --> 00:25:24,273
Walking home from ADD,
"another dating disaster, "
446
00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:27,860
I worried that there's a reason
they call it "mind-blowing" sex.
447
00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:30,070
Maybe that kind of physical connection
448
00:25:30,154 --> 00:25:32,740
obliterates the chance
of an intellectual one.
449
00:25:32,823 --> 00:25:35,951
Or maybe it's possible to find both.
450
00:25:36,493 --> 00:25:40,205
That's what I was hoping,
because great sex is great,
451
00:25:40,289 --> 00:25:43,542
but I still like a song
with a melody I can sing to.
452
00:25:55,345 --> 00:25:57,347
30814
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