Original subtitles

"Boy!"

"Boy!"

"I came home and brightened the place"

"Get up, lower the bass and increase the beat"

"Celebrate my arrival with fire clapping, and ululations"

- "I am El Kabeer" - "He is El Kabeer"

"Money, arms, power and an army of 3000 men''

"A hundred times stronger than a bear I roar like a lion"

"As proud as an eagle sly like a fox"

"Mix all of these together and you will have El Kabeer"

- "A dangerous mix" - "A dangerous mix"

"I drank camel milk as a kid not formula or juice"

"That's why I am tough, rough and dangerous"

"Professional PlayStation gamer and can beat any small kid"

- "Or a big kid" - "Or a big kid"

"I can rule any people no matter how many"

"It doesn't matter if they are rich or poor"

"Even if they are scholars, illiterates, or college kids"

"They have to obey me or they will disappear''

"Objection!"

"Yeah"

"Yeah"

"Come on! I really love this country like the fat kid loves the cake"

"And I'll be the new Mayor please just give yourself a break"

"You can't even battle me one on one Mr. Fake"

"My rap is like an ocean while your rap is like a lake"

"Please talk to me in Arabic if you don't mind brother"

"Don't mimic Eminem 50 Cent or Soulja Boy"

"If we compared our Rap to the breeds of dogs"

"mine would be Pitbull and yours will be a stray called Roy"

- "Listen, El Kabeer" - "No, you shut up and listen"

"I am a knight and can lift heavier than you can"

"No way you can beat me no matter how hard you try"

"Even in the Rap challenge I'll always have the final word"

"An apple tastes bitter when you eat it after chocolate"

''End of story!''

"Boy!"

"Episode 8"

What is this Wi-Fi?

It turned the whole village upside down in only one week, I can't believe it

And guess what? He opened a cyber

What a disaster! These are the things that America is sending to harm us

What harm, Kabeer? This is an internet cafe

I mean, you can have chats download stuff and use Facebook

- as well as playing games - I hope I get rid of you!

Do people need more playing?

They're already spending their whole day in coffee shops...

playing all types of games

what do you have to do with all this? Why are you so happy about it?

The whole village is using the internet why wouldn't we?

The whole village is one thing and the mayor's house...

El Kabeer's house is a whole different thing

come here, baby come sit right here

- Come here - I'm coming

What did I say about the internet?

- No internet! - What did I say about the internet?

- No internet, I promise - Right!

- No internet in Al Mazareeta - I swear this is unfair...

End of discussion!

Oh, dear! Hello

Hey, be careful! Are you crazy?

- Tell me - That's beautiful! That's really beautiful!

- Is this the internet cafe? - Yes

- How much do you take per hour? - Just one pound

One pound? It's so cheap!

If so, give me an hour to try it

- Okay, Thomas! - Yes?

- Take him to device number three - Okay

Yes, come from here, come

Hey, mayor!

- Mr. Johnny! - Yes, what is it?

Do you know how to turn the internet on?

- It seems like it's not working with you - Yes

It's fine

- Will it work like this? - Yes, yes

just one second

Hey, what's going on, brother? What's wrong?

What's wrong? Are you fooling us or what?

I've been sitting here for a long time, the hour is almost over

- your internet isn't working! - Of course it is

it's already on the device, look

click on this one

you're completely ignorant!

Alright, look, pay attention

- this is called the mouse - Alright

- The mouse ''rat'' - okay

Look, by using this finger...

- click it like this - Okay

- There you go! - Alright, alright!

What will I do now?

Look, look, pay attention to me

do whatever I'm doing, okay?

Have fun, enjoy now you have a Facebook account

Are you serious, Mr. Johnny?

Do you mean that now I have an account on Facebook?

I made it! I made it! Yes!

Why are you overreacting? We just created a Facebook account

- we haven't won the World Cup! - Okay, what will we do next?

So, did you just overreact without knowing what to do next?

You'll add a photo of you chat with people all over the world...

and they'll become your friends you'll video chat with them and talk

What is that? Do you mean men and women?

So weird! Yes, men and women

My lovely internet! But there is a problem

I don't have a photo could you take one for me?

Yes, sure

- it doesn't have a camera - Everybody takes pictures with it

Alright, smile

what is this face? No, on Facebook, you do this

Alright, alright this is for Facebook

My beloved Julia, sweetheart!

I love you, Julia I love you!

Hagras, Abu Alsalateen is a great customer here and we want to please him

this is the first time this man comes with him we have to make sure that he's happy

take them to the devices number five and six, and take this

take photos of them one free photo for each one...

for Facebook's profile picture and don't take any money

- Do you mean like this? - But there's one thing

we need to do this in the picture look at me everybody

what will you do?

Go

Oh, yes, Johnny you're the mayor of the internet!

El Kabeer? Welcome, welcome it's an honor

please, have a seat, Kabeer

- what would you like to have? - What is this chaos, Zuhair?

- Who is playing against who? - Barcelona versus Inter Milan

- How are you watching it? - Actually, Kabeer...

we got Dreambox! Yes, I'm coming!

Good morning, Kabeer

Have a terrible morning, you jinx!

- Are you leaving your work in the land to play? - I'm chatting, Kabeer

why don't you come? take a round with me

I hope a scorpion takes a round around you and have you killed!

What is going on, men? Are you all on the internet now?

You left your lands and jobs and went after Johnny's nonsense!

Well, I swear to God that you are a cheater!

I shot you three times you never run out of bullets...

nor your soldier ever dies and he's safe and sound

- You just don't know how to play - Who doesn't know how to play?

- I'll come at night and destroy you! - We'll see

- Is the night so far away? - How beautiful!

- Welcome, Kabeer - I wish that I had a duck instead of you!

you also lost and got yourself humiliated!

No, Kabeer, I didn't lose I lost a round but the war is still on

Go to hell! Come here, I'll tell you something

- Yes, Kabeer, tell me - What is it? Is everyone on the internet now?

Yes, Kabeer even the women

they're all coming to Al Mazareeta.com that Mr. Johnny dedicated to them!

What do you mean, idiot?

I mean that he set two hours in the morning especially for women

and very soon he'll open a section for families

What is this internet that is taking everyone's minds?

I hope you're happy and glad, brother

Very much thanks for asking, brother

- come to my half - You idiot...

the whole village is falling apart because of your internet!

People are becoming more stupid and we don't need that!

You mean, they're becoming smarter

Bro, we're in 2010 the internet has become a necessity

just like food, water, sushi and tan

We've always been living without this horrible thing

all have neglected their lands and jobs and they're now busy with the internet

if El Kabeer Awi had been alive...

he would have smashed this internet on your head!

Wait a second, you're so poor!

Are you saying that El Kabeer Awi had nothing to do with the internet?

Dad was naughty very much!

Even El Kabeer Awi turned out to be using the internet!

Just using? He was obsessed with it I'm telling you, he was naughty

bro, you're almost the only person in the world who doesn't use the internet

the illiterate person nowadays is the one who doesn't know anything about the internet

not the one who can't read and write

you must learn about it and teach your family, too

I could do you a favor I could teach you all this for free

Shut up! Do you want me to let a computer into my house?

Why? Do you think I'm spineless?

Kabeer, don't throw your sticks and trash in my half!

Internet? In my house my room and on my own bed?

- Oh, God! - Come here!

What did I say? What did I say? Tell me!

It'll be the last time, Kabeer! I swear not to do it again!

I swear to God, Hadeya...

if I see any internet or laptops at home...

I'll wreck the whole house on your head!

As you wish, Kabeer! As you wish!

Who are you?

Mr. Soft

Come in

Did anyone see you while coming?

- No! - Lower your voice! Lower your voice!

I don't want to hear a word from you until we close the door on ourselves!

As you want, Kabeer!

Have you come, Kabeer?

- Yes - Do you want me to prepare dinner for you?

No, I already ate go to sleep

Okay!

Come here!

Kabeer!

- What? - What are you doing?

- I'm working out - Didn't you change your mind about dinner?

I cooked Molokheya with rabbit meat and rice

I told you that I'm full! I'm full!

- Go to sleep! - Okay!

Kabeer!

Do you want me to prepare the bath for you?

I wish they would prepare your coffin, dumb!

I wish they would prepare your coffin, dumb!

Where is he? Where are you, Soft?

I'm here! I'm here!

Come with me!

What's wrong, Kabeer?

Did I do anything wrong, God forbid?

Listen to me...

what will happen in this room now...

will stay between us forever!

No!

- No! No! - Shut up, donkey! You will expose us!

I want to learn how to use the computer the internet, messenger and this stuff

- Is that all you want? - Yes!

You frightened me!

Sit down, Kabeer! It's really simple!

Why did you bring me here in such a horrible way?

- Sit down, it's really simple! - Where are you going, idiot?

Come here! Come here!

- Sit down here! - Did I do anything wrong, Kabeer?

It's El Kabeer's chair, dummy! Sit down!

Teach me!

Well, where's the device that we will work on, Kabeer?

- Wait! One second! - It's okay if you don't have one!

It's okay if you don't have one

Oh, my God!

What a great laptop, Kabeer!

It's amazing! Is it new or used?

Are you kidding me? It's none of your business!

- Just do your job! - I'm sorry, Kabeer! I'm really sorry!

Teach me!

Let's get started

this computer consists of many parts

here's the keyboard

and these are the screen and the mouse

you have to click the power button if you want to turn on the computer

we will wait for few seconds

until the loading begins

and when the loading begins we will wait a bit till the computer turns on

and then Windows XP will turn on

did you get it, Kabeer?

This is so terrible!

Listen, guys...

you're the thieves and you're the police

I want you to tear each other into pieces

I want you to have a real fight!

Enjoy!

"Two enemies left"

Click here!

- Click here! - What do you mean, idiot?

Are you making a fool of me?

No, I don't mean this, Kabeer I mean, click on the icon!

I don't know how to do it!

No, Kabeer you know very well how to do it

relax! Do you remember when we said that we need to hold the mouse...

and do a double click?

A double click!

Good boy! Good boy, Kabeer! Good boy!

- Oh, God! - You don't know how to talk!

Are you saying "Good boy" to El Kabeer of Al Mazareeta?

Kabeer, you already know everything

look, I can see the answer in your eyes!

Come on! Say it to me!

Tell me where's the mouse going!

Surprise me! Tell me where's the mouse going!

Can you promise that you won't get sad if I tell you where it is going?

Why are you writhing like a catfish under water?

Why are you treating me as if I'm a kid?

Calm down, Kabeer

I understand you very well

you need special treatment

you're a good, nice and smart man

but you aren't witty enough!

You know what...

I won't be satisfied if I beat you with my shoe!

"The sexy lady, the lady, the lady it's my birthday!"

"I wish myself happy returns of the day"

Take this!

Oh my goodness!

Did you stab me with a knife on the bridge, Fawaz? And in my back

You were hiding behind the bulldozer and killing us one by one!

You think you're the smart one!

Why did you kill me with a knife?

- Are you mocking me? - Yes!

You have a machine gun you have muskets...

- you even have a pepper spray! - It doesn't matter how I killed you...

what only matters is that you're dead!

- What is the result now? - 2 to 2

- So who is the winner? - We are even, idiot!

Are we even?

Do you want a fight or you just prefer to stay friends?

Fawaz, your words have only one meaning and I don't know what it is

but I don't care about friendship, anyway

- and I want to fight you, let's start, Ismail! - I'm ready!

Watch out from that one coming behind you, Ismail!

They're backstabbers Yousef and Hasanin, watch our backs!

Set off the bomb!

Set off the bomb, man!

Man!

A treachery!

It's a treachery, guys!

Well, Najati you were trying to get smart with us!

- You're always as sly as a fox! - Are you trying to fool me?

- Shut up or I'll expose you to the people here! - You can't do anything!

- Stop arguing! - Are you aware of what you are saying?

- You're nothing! - You can just talk loudly!

I can talk loudly and I can do everything!

- Watch your words, Fawaz! - I won't!

What is it, men?

Don't you realize that you're shouting in the residence of El Kabeer Awi?

That's great!

Are you fighting for Counter-Strike game, men?

You've been friends and brothers since forever!

What happened, Najati?

Did you forget or what?

When the crazy donkey bit you and ran away...

who was the man who followed it and killed it? Who took your revenge?

Wasn't it Fawaz?

And you, Fawaz...

who brought you a tape of Michael Jackson's party in Bucharest? Who?

Wasn't it Najati?

"The sexy lady..."

- "the lady, the lady, it's my birthday!" - "The lady, the lady, it's my birthday!"

- "I wish myself happy returns of the day" - "I wish myself happy returns of the day"

Rest in peace, king of pop!

Come on, Najati I know that you did him wrong...

go and apologize to him

Come on, Fawaz

I'm really sorry, Fawaz

I did you wrong and I deserve whatever happens to me

do you know, Fawaz?

If I had killed you I would have stopped eating for two days!

Don't say this, Najati!

If you had killed me...

- I would have left the village! - No, Fawaz!

Najati!

That's touching, guys!

I would have been very sad if we had stayed at each other's throats

and as the saying goes...

"People love each other only after an act of stupidity"

That's right, Najati, you're stupid!

It's all because of the internet!

Starting from today...

the internet is forbidden in Al Mazareeta!

End of discussion!

Yes! And as the poet said...

"Oh! Oh! If they asked me"

- Let's go, men! - Let's go, men!

You! Where's the price of what you broke?

- Who will pay? - The place is a wreck! What about it?