Original subtitles

"Boy!"

"Boy!"

"I came home and brightened the place"

"Get up, lower the bass and increase the beat"

"Celebrate my arrival with fire clapping, and ululations"

- "I am El Kabeer" - "He is El Kabeer"

"Money, arms, power and an army of 3000 men''

"A hundred times stronger than a bear I roar like a lion"

"As proud as an eagle sly like a fox"

"Mix all of these together and you will have El Kabeer"

- "A dangerous mix" - "A dangerous mix"

"I drank camel milk as a kid not formula or juice"

"That's why I am tough, rough and dangerous"

"Professional PlayStation gamer and can beat any small kid"

- "Or a big kid" - "Or a big kid"

"I can rule any people no matter how many"

"It doesn't matter if they are rich or poor"

"Even if they are scholars, illiterates, or college kids"

"They have to obey me or they will disappear''

"Objection!"

"Yeah"

"Yeah"

"Come on! I really love this country like the fat kid loves the cake"

"And I'll be the new Mayor please just give yourself a break"

"You can't even battle me one on one Mr. Fake"

"My rap is like an ocean while your rap is like a lake"

"Please talk to me in Arabic if you don't mind brother"

"Don't mimic Eminem 50 Cent or Soulja Boy"

"If we compared our Rap to the breeds of dogs"

"mine would be Pitbull and yours will be a stray called Roy"

- "Listen, El Kabeer" - "No, you shut up and listen"

"I am a knight and can lift heavier than you can"

"No way you can beat me no matter how hard you try"

"Even in the Rap challenge I'll always have the final word"

"An apple tastes bitter when you eat it after chocolate"

''End of story!''

"Boy!"

"Episode 2"

"Funeral of the Mayor of Al Mazareeta, El Kabeer Awi"

"Every step I take"

"Every move I make"

"Every single day, every time I pray"

"I'll be missing you"

"Thinking of the day..."

- Welcome home, Mr. Johnny! - Stop this, you dummy!

My father is in his grave now and you're ululating like an animal!

What would people say about me?

I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it

my joy over your brother Johnny's arrival made me forget all this

- I'm so sorry, Kabeer! - Wait a minute!

- Is she your wife? - Yes

- Hi! - Get away from her!

What do you think I was going to do? I just wanted to kiss her

What do you think you're doing, idiot?

Do you think she's your aunt?

Sit down! Sit down!

- What's your name? - Hadeya! My name is Hadeya

So cute! I love your style, your hair...

2 glasses of lemonade, Fazzaa!

Because it seems like this evening is going to be long and sweet

As you command! 2 glasses of lemonade, kitchen maids!

What lemonade are you talking about now you stupid, son of a donkey?

That's right what lemonade are you talking about now?

I told them to prepare the dinner

Listen to me, don't be stupid!

I swear, if anyone says another word I'll kill him!

- Now, listen to me, biscuit! - Yes, bro!

Talk to me in Arabic because English scares me

Why are scared? Bro means my brother

I'm sorry, I didn't introduce you to one another

this is Thomas, my best friend

and my business manager

this is Ashly, his sister and...

his sister! Actually, she begged us to take her with us

Whatever! Cut it short, what do you want?

Look, I came here today just to do like the old saying here in Egypt...

- to make someone meet someone else - I get it!

Make the miserable meet the hopeless

No, no, shut up! I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to him

I mean, to make a country meet another country

He means make the Syrian meet the Moroccan

- because he said countries! - Exactly!

Wow, besides being stylish...

- you're smart, too - God, give me patience!

Calm down, bro! Chill!

We should be calm when we talk about our inheritance

What inheritance? What inheritance?

Do I look like an idiot to you?

Do you think that I'll give any stranger a part of my dad's inheritance?

Do you think that I'll believe him? I'll shoot him and shoot him again!

But he would be already dead! What's the point?

- Are you saying that daddy hasn't told you? - No, he told me, funny boy!

He told me! He said that I have only one brother

not a lizard and 2 beetles!

- Are you calling us ? beetles - Are you calling us beetles?

- Do you mean I'm a lizard? - How would I know?

You might be a liar!

You're right! You're absolutely right!

- Thomas! Get him, boy! - Yes? Ok!

Look, Kabeer, this is a birth certificate from Dr. Clot's health office...

of Johnny El Kabeer Awi with the same birth date of yours

this is the DNA test result from Texas

which proves El Kabeer Awi's paternity to Johnny

and this is the genetic footprint of Johnny and your dad, and they're absolutely identical

all these certificates are approved by the World Health Organization

Go and use these papers to wipe your...

- back! - If that's so, it's ok!

I'll shoot you and no one will ever know your whereabouts!

What are you saying? Do we look like chickens to you?

Don't make me show you my dark side!

I can make you drown deep in darkness!

Oh my God! This is terrorism! Don't forget that I'm an American citizen

I can turn the whole place upside down with one call to the embassy

Calm down, guys! You're siblings!

Let them rest in the guests' room

and we can go and rest in our room because we got really tired today

- Why are you winking at me? - I'll tell upstairs!

Here we are! What do you want?

Calm down, Kabeer and think about it rationally

he can really turn the place upside down like he said!

- He's American! American! - And I'm Mazareetian!

Mazareetian! Mazareetian!

And I can destroy the whole place!

I can turn it upside down and vice versa!

Listen, Kabeer if we kill him now...

- what will happen? - All the good things!

No, not all the good things for sure

thus, the United Nations will turn against us!

Those people don't discuss things they just use the nuclear bombs

Nuclear bombs! What should I do now?

- Should I let him take half of the inheritance? - No! Not the half!

How would he know how much money El Kabeer Awi left?

Yes!

You mean, I should give him some money and send him back to his country

That's right!

Thus, no one will be harmed!

You crafty cow!

Fazzaa!

Wake up, man!

Good morning, Kabeer!

- Terrible morning! - Good day, sir!

Didn't I ask you to keep an eye on them?

I did, sir! I didn't take my eyes off them for a second

Oh, really? And where are they now?

They woke up early and left

- Are you sure? - I'm absolutely sure, Kabeer!

They said that they will go and take a round

where would they get that round except from the train station?

Are you sure that they said they'll go to take this so-called round?

Of course! I've heard them with my own ears. Kabeer!

To hell, I hope!

I thought so too!

They won't tolerate our life, bugs and buffalos!

Get out! Get out and let them bring my breakfast to the balcony

As you command! What do you want to eat?

I want a continental breakfast today

Listen to me, man

my father, 5 years before his death got addicted to gambling

Really?

- El Kabeer Awi was a gambler! - Yes!

And a womanizer, too

and poor him everyone used to manipulate him

in short, before he died, he participated in the Winning Eleven tournament

and he bet on his land and house

and the people who won that bet God bless them...

allowed us to live in here till we find another place

but I had a brilliant idea

I hid some buffalos and some cattle from them

and their worth is around 38 thousands pounds and one riyal

your share will be... according to the law

19 thousand pounds and one piaster

that's all!

- Thomas! Get him, boy! - Yes? Ok!

The last certification of succession of El Kabeer Awi's properties...

was monitored by the IRS in 2010 and it contains...

48562 square meters on the swamp's bank

40468 square meters behind the swamp

in addition to the swamp itself

5 lemon groves, 5 orange groves 5 banana groves

this house and a building of 10 stores in Faysal street

each 4046 square metres on the swamp's bank is worth 300 thousands

and each 4046 square metres behind the swamp is worth 200 thousands

with the groves, this house, and the building the total is about...

- 6,600! - I'll just take 3

- 3 what? - 3 million pounds

Do you think I'm a little boy?

I'll shoot you and shoot myself...

before I give you 3 pounds only!

- The nuclear bombs, Kabeer! - I don't care!

Calm down, Kabeer! It's going to be a disaster!

If you did this, they'll impose a siege on us and cut the cornflakes off!

- That's bad! - And he'll receive his rights by law, anyway!

- Fazzaa - Yes, sir!

- Bring me the checkbook - Here it is, Kabeer

here you go

- please - Come on, help them, they're in a hurry!

Pack their bags so they can leave fast

and you, Ashraf give their automobile a nice wash!

- As you wish, Kabeer - But, I'm not leaving yet

- Why aren't you? - I haven't received my full rights yet!

- What are you talking about, Mr. rights? - Thomas

Ok!

This's a birth certificate which proves that Johnny is four minutes older than you

and according to this the court will rule in our favor in one minute!

Congratulate me, Kabeer I'm going to be the new mayor!

Oh, my God!

What are we going to do now, Kabeer?

There's only one person who can handle this!

- Who? - Abu Aleel

Abu Aleel! Who's he?

The angel of death in Upper Egypt!

He has the biggest record of murders!

He beat the high score of Hitler himself!

What else, Kabeer?

He doesn't just kill in any old-fashioned way, no!

He's an artist! A real artist!

And he disappears in a flash!

No one knows how to reach him nor a relative of his

Then how will you reach him, Kabeer?

I'm El Kabeer, dummy!

And Abu Aleel was just one of my students!

Abu Sumeda, Abu Khalil, Abu Said here it is, Abu Aleel!

- "Hello" - Who is it?

- I'm El Kabeer, dude! - El Kabeer!

Oh, man!

It has been so long since I heard from you, Kabeer

Thank you, listen...

I want to ask you a favor

Whatever you want, Kabeer!

Tell me, Uncle Jabir where do they sell diet sugar here?

- Because I'm on a diet! - Mr. Johnny...

no one goes to bed here without having dinner first

Uncle Jabir, is there an ATM here?

Is this thing you're talking about so necessary?

The village has a lot of junk food try this food, you'll like it!

I really need an "OFF" too, Uncle Jabir!

Even you, kid?

Since you got here to the village...

you're always bored!

Why don't you talk to your friend, Mr. Johnny and see why she's so bored with us?

"OFF", Uncle Jabir, "OFF"!

We all want "OFF"!

Oh, my God!

Even you!

Listen, Uncle Jabir I'll tell you, "OFF" is...

it's a spray that you use to get rid of bugs!

Just say "FLIT"!

What's this? A manufacturing fault?

It's a washtub!

I want food trays all over the village

I also want very expensive crystal glasses

and at least forty waiters!

Swirling like bees to serve all the people!

And get me like ten great cassette compacts

I mean, to be precise I want this funeral...

to be better than the best wedding this village has ever seen!

Man, I love this country!

Shopping here is like great!

What did you... when did you...

- how did you...? - What's wrong, Mr. exaggerate, what's wrong?

Listen...

I've thought it over...

I realized that I'm not ok with ruling...

a country where people didn't choose me to rule it

that's why, I decided to have fair elections between me and you

and the one who gets more votes will become the mayor, peace?

More than you can imagine!

"Yes, we can"

So cute! The picture is touchy and at the same time, look...

- I got goosebumps! - Yes

Johnny, this's the first step in our election campaign...

to let people get used to your face and know your name

this's why, we need to see the people...

talk to them and earn their trust!

- You know! Uncle Jabir! - What?

You can arrange this for us, right?

Sure! Tell me what you want and I'll do my best to help the son of our dear mayor!

Thank you, brother this's what I expected from you!

Great! Uncle Jabir, we want to have a conference meeting with people of Mazareeta

So what? We can get him!

Get who, Uncle Jabir? I'm saying that we want to have a conference!

- Tell me when can we have it? - Tell you what...

just write everything you need from the pharmacy...

and I'll go get it for you just write it all in one paper...

- so I can go just one time - Ok, yes!

Thank you, Uncle Jabir where is Ashly?

Look, there she is!

She's playing with the small goats and the Egyptian pets!

She's so cute!

Dear, you weirdo!

- Are you talking to me? - No, I'm talking to the picture behind you...

you funny guy!

Come here!

Tell me, master of all!

What's going on? Since we've been out...

you've been watching us and every time I look at you, you give me this funny look

what's going on? Are you stupid? Or do you want something?

Something! What? I swear I don't want anything, Mr. Johnny!

Then you're stupid! Stupid!

Then why are you watching us? Wait, do you know my name, too?

You're Mr. Johnny You're very popular!

Hey, thank you, brother!

- What's your name? - Hagras

- Hagras? - Hagras, Hagras!

Hagras! Are you pure Egyptian?

Whatever! Tell me why are you following and watching us?

I swear, I don't want anything! It's just that...

- I like you! - Oh, my God!

- Are you married? - No, no, no!

Of course, you're not engaged too or have a girlfriend or even care about females!

- What? - Women!

Ok, yes, I have Hayam!

Is this some kind of relationship or is it the name of the woman?

Of course, she's a woman she's a stone-cold fox!

Thank God! He's straight!

- Welcome back! - See, Johnny!

You have fans now!

Hagras, I'm Thomas

we want to see the people of Mazareeta and talk to them

tell me, what can we do?

- Piece of cake, people! - Yes!

People of Mazareeta! Come talk to Mr. Johnny!

- People of Mazareeta! - No, he's stupid, really stupid!

Come talk to Mr. Johnny!

Good morning, everybody!

What's up?

My friends, Mr. Johnny doesn't like how things are in this village...

so, do you?

This's why he wants to do really nice...

- and useful things to you and to the village! - Exactly!

This's why, he decided to do fair elections between him and his brother, El Kabeer

and he wants to invite you, all...

- Everybody - To discuss his election program with you

what do you think, guys?

Is that possible? Mr, Johnny, and mayor?

What will Mr. Johnny do if he wins the elections?

- I'll do lots of things, I will! - What will you do?

I'll do lots of things! Should I ruin the surprise, right now?

You look like a grumpy man and likes to exaggerate!

- Johnny! - Look at him, look, look!

- That's enough! Uncle Jabir! - What?

Where are the elegant and expensive gifts...

that we brought for these nice people?

- Okay - We won't give this one anything!

- That's enough! - You won't get anything! Especially you!

That's enough, Johnny! Guys...

Mr. Johnny will answer all of your questions and queries...

tomorrow morning from 9 to 11 o'clock AM...

- in his election program - And please, guys...

bring your little kids...

because there will be lots of surprises and gifts

I love you, all! I really love you, all!

Peace!

He wants fair elections!

In Al Mazareeta? Fine, son of Mrs. Fox!

Didn't you just mention the elections last night?

When did you have the time to do all this?

He's like a psychic!

Fazzaa!

Are you happy? Look what your crazy actions got me in!

Fazzaa...

- Fazzaa! - Yes, Kabeer!

What do you want, sir?

- What are you wearing? - It's a T-shirt

you won't believe this, Kabeer all people are fighting to get one T-shirt!

But Mr. Johnny gave me two!

- Johnny what? - I'm sorry, Kabeer!

- What's written on this T-shirt? - This...

it says, yes, we can!

Have you lost your mind?

- Kabeer! - Burn these T-shirts...

and gather all men in the warehouse!

You have ten minutes! Go!

And who will be late I'll electrify him!