Original subtitles

"Boy!"

"Boy!"

"I came home and brightened the place"

"Get up, lower the bass and increase the beat"

"Celebrate my arrival with fire clapping, and ululations"

- "I am El Kabeer" - "He is El Kabeer"

"Money, arms, power and an army of 3000 men''

"A hundred times stronger than a bear I roar like a lion"

"As proud as an eagle sly like a fox"

"Mix all of these together and you will have El Kabeer"

- "A dangerous mix" - "A dangerous mix"

"I drank camel milk as a kid not formula or juice"

"That's why I am tough, rough and dangerous"

"Professional PlayStation gamer and can beat any small kid"

- "Or a big kid" - "Or a big kid"

"I can rule any people no matter how many"

"It doesn't matter if they are rich or poor"

"Even if they are scholars, illiterates, or college kids"

"They have to obey me or they will disappear''

"Objection!"

"Yeah"

"Yeah"

"Come on! I really love this country like the fat kid loves the cake"

"And I'll be the new Mayor please just give yourself a break"

"You can't even battle me one on one Mr. Fake"

"My rap is like an ocean while your rap is like a lake"

"Please talk to me in Arabic if you don't mind brother"

"Don't mimic Eminem 50 Cent or Soulja Boy"

"If we compared our Rap to the breeds of dogs"

"mine would be Pitbull and yours will be a stray called Roy"

- "Listen, El Kabeer" - "No, you shut up and listen"

"I am a knight and can lift heavier than you can"

"No way you can beat me no matter how hard you try"

"Even in the Rap challenge I'll always have the final word"

"An apple tastes bitter when you eat it after chocolate"

''End of story!''

"Boy!"

"Episode 10"

- Yes, hold on, Johnny! - "Today, we'll have another..."

- Wait! I guess there's something important - "The ambassador David Mack..."

I adore this film! I watched it over a hundred times...

but I still like to watch it!

- Thomas! - Are you crazy?

Johnny! Excuse me but it looks like you don't realize...

- how important your job is! - Easy, Man!

How long have you been the mayor?

Well, I've been the mayor for a while now

Ok, what have you done so far? Nothing!

All what you've done is that you didn't stick to our program...

and started doing what you like to do only!

Ok, I'm sorry! From now on I'll do the things that I like...

as well as the things that you like! Are you happy now?

- Come on! What about the village? - Oh! Yes! The village!

Did you forget that you're the mayor? Did you forget that the mayor has to...

- connect with the people of the village? - What should I do then?

Shall I go to them one by one to connect with each alone?

No! Let me take care of it! I have the perfect solution!

- Spit it, man! - The media!

Johnny, the media will let you enter each house in the village...

to say what you want to say to your people

didn't you see how it's working in Hollywood and how it affects the people there?

Even here, in Egypt the media plays a significant role!

For example, the sweater Amr Diab wore when he shot...

Tamally Maak's video clip! Do you know how many sweaters like it have been sold?

2 million and they weren't even original!

In Al Mazareeta alone 10 thousand sweaters like it have been sold!

- Ok - Do you know that the 3 kg dumbbells...

in all the gyms in Egypt are now known as Rubi's dumbbells after her song's video clip?

- Yes! I know it! "Why is he hiding it?" - "Why is he hiding it?"

- "I really don't know! And I..." - "I really don't know! And I..."

It's so hot! So, you mean that we should make a film, right?

- Wow! Let me be the star, Johnny! Ok? - What star and what film? What are you saying?

We should launch a channel Al Mazareeta Channel

- it's cool, isn't it? Yes! - It's such an amazing idea!

- Yes! - But that would cost me a lot of money

Only at the beginning! But eventually you'll regain your money and make profit

- I mean, with the adds and the sponsor's help - I'm in!

But we should keep it a secret from...

I'm sure that those morons are up to something!

They've been like that for a week now! They're constantly talking in secret!

So what? Don't you know the proverb that says...

"When you interfere with other people's lives it usually backfires"

Let's stay out of it, Kabeer!

Look, Johnny! Come take a look, too, Thomas!

This logo is good but the other one looks better

- it seems more original, right? - Yes

Shh! Hold on!

Right!

Honestly, guys I like the first one

But I feel like the first one is dull, Johnny! It's not so...

- Yes, the second one is way better, honestly! - What? Why are you giving me your opinions?

You, stay out of it! And you...

did you forget who you are? I'm the owner of the channel!

And you work for me! Don't forget that, Thomas!

- I can destroy you! - Ok, calm down! It's not a big deal anyway!

Also, we agreed from the start that all what has to do with fashion and style....

- Ok! Ashly! - Shh!

- What did you do with the satellite company? - They just sent us an email...

saying that they received the first instalment from their bank...

- and they booked us the channel's frequency - Great!

- Things got serious now! - Now, we only need to wait for Hagras...

to get us the permits that we've been trying to obtain for 2 weeks now...

I really don't know why it took us so long to get them!

- I got you the permits! - Wait!

Did you see how they silenced Hagras?

- Although he got here yelling and shouting! - You're right, Kabeer...

they're obviously up to something really bad!

You can find out what they're up to do you know how?

- Tell me! - I'll tell you how!

Well? Won't you confess, boy? Confess!

- What do you want me to say? - So, you're not confessing, right?

Come here, boy!

Hello, Kabeer! Welcome! Welcome to the warehouse!

Good job, guys!

- Tell me, did he speak? - He still resisting!

- But we'll make him confess pretty soon! - How long have you been torturing him?

For a little while only! I mean, for 2 hours or so now!

What? You'll kill him this way! Get his head out of the water, dummy!

Don't forget that he's a fellow citizen!

We can't stand loosing him!

Hagras! Come here, Hagras!

Don't worry! I won't hurt you!

Had I decided to hurt you, I would've! But I don't want to hurt you!

Do you?

- I'm begging you, Kabeer! Don't hurt me! - This is good!

- Then tell me, Hagras! - What do you want me to say?

Those two have been beating me up for two hours now!

They're asking me to confess! They're asking me to confess!

- What shall I confess? Tell me, and I'll do it! - Oh, dear!

- Didn't you tell him what I told you? - You didn't tell me to do so, sir!

I'll tell you what I told him but he forgot to tell you about!

- Please! Yes? - Now...

Johnny and his friends are up to something...

- it seems so recently, what is that? - What is it?

- What do you think it would be? - You obviously liked the water...

and this swimming-like torture, Hagras!

- Fazzaa! - Yes, sir!

I'll tell you! I'll tell you! I will! I will!

A channel! Mr. Johnny wants to launch a new channel

and he'll be on the national TV

So, he's up to launch a channel and be on the national TV and all, right?

- Listen, Hagras! - What?

If you said a single word about what happened here...

I'll cut you into small pieces that would be this big!

But why wait? I'll give you a small hint right now...

so that you wouldn't even think about telling anyone about this!

- Ashraf! - Yes, Kabeer?

- Do what you have to do! - As you wish, Kabeer!

Please, don't, Kabeer! Please, don't, Kabeer!

- If he launched one channel, I'll launch 10! - So, what should we do, Kabeer?

Get me that satellite guy Bassiouni Sat

- then, follow me to my house - Yes, sir!

- Listen, Bassiouni, and pay attention so well! - What is it, Kabeer?

I want to be on the television

How exactly? Do you want to be an actor?

What are you saying, you bull? Stop being so stupid!

I want to launch my own channel...

- like all those channels on TV! - Oh!

- It's not a big deal, Kabeer! - What do you mean?

I need a 10 thousand meters wire...

a video tape and 2 reels to be put inside of it

- then, we'll launch the channel! - Calm down, Bassiouni! Or I'll kill you!

Are you going to fly or what?

- Then what? Go on? - That's all!

- Seriously? - You also have to pay me 80 EGP

No problem! No problem! Then, I'll have a real channel, right?

For sure, Kabeer! And all the people of Al Mazareeta will watch it!

If you really did this, Bassiouni I'll pay you generously!

Don't you doubt it, Kabeer! I'm Bassiouni Sat!

I let the people of the Egyptian countryside watch Euro SAT channels!

Stop bragging about it, man!

- Anyway, how much time will it take? - 2 weeks at most!

Then, the people of the village will watch you on TV and you'll become a super star!

That will be great!

Listen to me! You should do all this work in secret

if you let anyone knows about this, Bassiouni...

I'll cut your tongue off...

and throw you on the railway so that the train would pass over your body!

And I'll electrify you as well!

- Tomorrow will be a significant day! - I can't wait, man! I can't wait!

Tomorrow, I'll finally take a step forward in my legendary journey in Al Mazareeta!

You're welcome, Johnny! Have I ever let you down?

What do you have to do with this? Why do you seek credit for my great work?

- You only gave me an idea! - Enough, Johnny! Calm down! What's wrong?

Didn't you notice anything weird lately?

No! It's been going on for a long time but you didn't notice it!

Whenever I did a great and legendary project he starts seeking credit for it...

- pretending that he came up with its idea! - No! No! That's not what I mean

Oh, do you mean the increasing acne marks on your face?

- Oh, did you really notice them? - It's pretty obvious!

Listen, you need to eat less chocolate and stop stressing yourself out

- Really? No, it's something else - What is it? What? Spit it out!

Well, it's about El Kabeer he hasn't been in our way for a while...

and he stopped interfering in our business as he usually does

I guess that he's only busy with his animals, guards...

- relatives, barns and so! - Even Fazzaa is not around anymore!

Fazzaa!

Your sweetheart!

Fizu! I love you so much, Fizu! Don't leave me, please, Fizu!

- Johnny! She's my sister, you know! - Fizu!

- "MAZ TV Opening" - Oh, my poor brother!

Oh, my poor brother!

All what he's doing will be in vain!

He still doesn't know about El Kabeer Channel! What a shock it will be!

Won't you advertise your channel all over the village?

- Of course! But at the right time! - When exactly is that?

Don't worry about it, Hadeya

I need you to pay extra attention to our channel's weekly program

I already started arranging the program of the opening day

The opening day should be, by all means...

like that moron always says "Such an amazing day!"

Thomas! Well?

How do I look? Do I look perfect?

I look stylish, right?

Tell me can you see my watch from there?

You can, right? Ok, what?

What? You want me to look angry? Too look like Jan?

No, no, no I want to be me

funky and wild, do you get it?

don't get involved in what doesn't concern you or we will fire you

ok, come on, come on

"Stand by, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!"

- "MAZ TV" - Good morning, Mazareeta!

What a sweet morning!

Today is your new and amazing satellite channel's birthday...

Mazareeta TV! will make you laugh and have a great time...

and it will solve your problems

with Mazareeta TV Al Mazareeta is now on the map

what? Again! No I won't do it again

you won't teach me how to perform! I did this and it's done

it's done! This is impossible!

- "MAZ TV" - Welcome to a new episode of our new program...

The fit lady

Our first segment of today of our TV show is food

and of course we all love food

but we should be carful so we don't get fat like bears

today we'll make a very easy meal...

which is broccoli pie with pomegranate

and I know that children asks you to make it for them

mom, I want broccoli pie with pomegranate mom, I want broccoli pie with pomegranate

and they always buy it ready-made but no, we have to say no!

and make a stop in this point

and be aware of our children's health and their digestive system

there is nothing impossible here in our program, The fit lady show

we can't except for our children to eat ready-made food

here, we make everything at home...

using our clean hands and our ingredients are very easy

and very, very simple and you can find it at any supermarket

the ingredients are half cup of olive oil...

three pomegranates...

two grated onions and eggs...

and salt dissolved in half cup of warm water

and flour and of course the broccoli

What is that broccoli? Isn't it the same as leek?

It's turnip without water

we'll repeat the ingredients

and now it's time for the segment that every lady likes...

a stunning show! Even more than that! From all the fashion lines in the world of 2010

you'll love it!

What are they talking about, Zuhair?

It looks like it's the world cup of the grumpy

Hurry up and finish your job! I hope you die!

"But now that I have time to absorb it..."

"loving this!"

- "Ross..." - "It's all working out!"

"Yeh, I didn't throw any of that out"

- "Ross..." - "It's all working out"

"me and Charli, you too"

"do you know what we should do?"

"The Flap Neck Chameleons of Africa simply prep a burrow for their kids"

"and then they leave them to fend for themselves"

"first, mom uses her zygodactyls feet"

"that means two toes facing forwards and two facing backwards"

"that dig a deep borrow in the earth"

- "now that she's..." - This is so disgusting!

- "the chameleon..." - I swear to God, these people are losers!

- They're the biggest losers, Kabeer - Are these people dumb or what?

they are making a show about lizards and lepers

They are all over the village we even get them off the wall using a slipper

What about that girl Ashly?

She's showing women that look as if they came from the space and she's calling it fashion!

- Stop it, don't call them women! - As you say, Kabeer

Is that how women look like?

Where's Mrs. Elissa and Mrs. Hayatem and...?

Look what they are doing to the donkey, look! Look!

- It's a stolen shot by the way - Where is it stolen from?

- Pimp My Ride - Which one is this?

It's that stupid lad's song who sings rap who's called Xzibit and does this

Yes! That's right

Welcome to your program The fancy donkey

this program is important for every farmer and every donkey

we've researched and found that the most important transportation...

in Al Mazareeta and all of the surrounding areas is the donkey!

but why all donkeys are traditional?

Why? Why all of them either white or gray...? Why?

Why isn't there a special donkey? And that is where the idea of this show came!

That we'll take your traditional donkey and we'll turn it into a fancy donkey

and we have a donkey is called Mishmish

he thinks that if he calls him Mishmish then he will no longer be traditional

there it is and his owner is called uncle Said, let's have a look

The story is that I have had Mishmish since he was little

I raised him as one of my children I considered him as one of my kids

from two to three years ago Mishmish has changed...

he was braying all day and night...

and dropping dirt and wallows in the ground

anyway, I thought that I should fix what is going on with Mishmish

I found out that Mr. Johnny made a program in his channel

so I decided to go to Mr. Johnny maybe he will figure it out

and when I came to Mr. Johnny and gave him the donkey...

I said to myself that God might help us and Mr.Johnny would help us

and I hope that everything goes well

and uncle Said was really lucky...

because he's the first participant in our show The fancy donkey!

- Uncle Said! - Hello, Mister

What's going on, brother?

- Everything is good - How're you doing?

- Are you ready to see the surprise? - Hopefully, I am ready!

- Are you prepared? - Honestly I can barely stand on my feet...

but come on may God not disappoint us

3, 2, 1!

What's all of this? What did you do to the donkey?

-"Where's the donkey?" - You stupide idiots!

- O, lord! - What do you think you're doing, dummy?

- You're not entering a market? There's a woman! - I'm sorry sir, but it's urgent!

- What is it? - Bassiouni Sat wants to tell you...

that everything is ready...

he connected all the cables and he prepared the broadcasting

after two days, once the sun rises, El Kabeer channel will be on every TV in Al Mazareeta

Good job, Bassiouni

- Fazzaa! - Yes, sir!

- Once it's dark outside, I want you to... - It's night time now!

Once everybody's asleep are you happy now?

To go to the village and put posters and flyers everywhere

- What are these flyers? - Flyers, man! Brochures

I want people to see El Kabeer ads everywhere once they wake up

As you command! It will happen, Kabeer!

- Fazzaa! - Yes!

Leave!

What's this?

What are all these posters? And what does it say?

"If you watch it, you'll like it..."

"if you change it, we'll hit you"

- is it a puzzle! - What is that? He even wrote something on top!

- K1? - K1, what does it mean?

- El Kabeer channel 1 - K for Kabeer!

- Yes - How smart!

No, no, no! Don't tell me that this is the channel advertisement!

It works as an ad for tutoring Rida Zenhum, the king of chemistry!

No, no! The background is awful and his style is so ugly

and what nonsense is it written here?

- Do you know what's bothering me the most? - What?

It's not that he's competing with me but that he's copying me

he doesn't have a style, he's a wannabe he's just like Hagras and everybody else here

it doesn't mean that people can copy me just because I have an amazing style and I look cool

you've been my friend for a very long time and you have a totally different style!

- But no one copied me - Because your style isn't as cool as mine

- I mean it's cool but not so cool - Ok

By the way! This slogan would sound good as a rap song, listen!

"If you watch it, you'll like it! If you change it we'll hit you! Again! If you watch it..."

- "If you change it we'll hit you!" - "If you change it we'll hit you!"

"If you watch it you'll like it! If you change it you change it we'll hit you!"

Thomas, I'm shocked! Really shocked!

First I thought Hagras's the only one who copies me but turns out that El Kabeer's the same

he could shave his mustache and take off his turban and do my hair style, this's impossible!

I'm really scared that I'd wake up one day and find everybody look like Johnny!

I have a very good idea for a program that I can use for the channel

- What is it? - Be yourself

It's so beautiful wait a minute, be yourself

What is that? What kind of programs do you think El Kabeer will use for his channel?

Of course they would be useless programs

I'm sure of that for example, he might copy the 80's

he might make a program and call it The strings of the night

do you know that flower that swings with the waves left and right?

"Darling, I've missed you..."

"no, really, I've missed you why don't you come?"

- Do you know what else he could be doing? - What?

a variety program and he would call it Talk and vigil

Who do you think El Kabeer would bring as a broadcasters?

- He defiantly won't bring Mona el-Shazly - Sure!

But he might use one of his guards

- Ashraf! - Ashraf!

and Ashraf will make a program called Ashraf around the world!

a new adventure everyday in a new field

a field of manga once, then it'd be of bananas and it'd be of almonds

Just so you know this program would be exclusive on this channel

Yes, exclusive it's a trend these days

- we'll witness days! - Full of laughter

But do you know something, man? God loves us a lot, why is that?

- Why? - Because we're really sweet and cute

I mean, amazingly God creates a beautiful thing...

and so you can feel its beauty he creates something not that pretty next to it

for example, the epidermoid fig and the barbary fig...

they're both fig but...