All language subtitles for THE BEST OF BENNY HILL (1974)
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1
00:00:21,530 --> 00:00:24,330
so so
2
00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:49,330
And now, ladies and gentlemen, we
present our tribute to the Lower
3
00:00:49,330 --> 00:00:50,330
Hospital.
4
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,160
We'll go for it.
5
00:03:23,790 --> 00:03:24,790
What?
6
00:08:42,409 --> 00:08:43,429
Have you been in show business?
7
00:08:43,809 --> 00:08:45,010
Ever since I was 17.
8
00:08:46,290 --> 00:08:47,290
Eight years.
9
00:08:50,550 --> 00:08:51,550
Eight years?
10
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:52,990
Nearly eight years.
11
00:08:54,070 --> 00:08:56,730
And what position are you holding at the
moment?
12
00:08:59,570 --> 00:09:02,310
I'm sort of like upright but relaxed,
like you say.
13
00:09:02,850 --> 00:09:05,770
No, I meant in show business. Oh, I'm
sorry.
14
00:09:06,230 --> 00:09:08,390
I beg your pardon? I'm a chorus boy.
15
00:09:12,750 --> 00:09:14,770
Well, you see, it all started for me
down in Bournemouth.
16
00:09:15,910 --> 00:09:22,010
When, unbeknownst to myself, my then
-fiancée took a snapshot of me while I
17
00:09:22,010 --> 00:09:24,430
at the water's edge having a paddle.
18
00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:29,270
She sent the snap up to the town hall.
19
00:09:29,550 --> 00:09:32,230
The next thing I knew, I'd been entered
for the knobbly knees contest.
20
00:09:32,710 --> 00:09:35,350
Well, I didn't want to let my fiancée
down, so I went through with it, but I
21
00:09:35,350 --> 00:09:38,630
can't tell you how I felt stood up there
in front of all those ogling women with
22
00:09:38,630 --> 00:09:40,990
my kneecaps completely naked.
23
00:09:42,350 --> 00:09:47,550
After the competition, which
incidentally I won, there was a party
24
00:09:47,550 --> 00:09:48,550
my downfall.
25
00:09:48,590 --> 00:09:50,370
Yes, I tasted the sweet life.
26
00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:53,590
I tasted the dolce vita of Boscombe and
Poole.
27
00:09:54,910 --> 00:09:59,110
Is there any truth in the rumour that
there's a certain amount of cheating in
28
00:09:59,110 --> 00:10:00,110
the Noblinese contest?
29
00:10:00,590 --> 00:10:04,610
I'm ashamed to have to tell you this,
but some of the men wear falsies.
30
00:10:06,550 --> 00:10:07,550
What?
31
00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:09,850
Flesh -coloured plastic kneecaps.
32
00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:13,760
Got to the stage now where before every
competition a nurse goes round with a
33
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,180
little hammer, tapping them and testing
them.
34
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:23,420
I can't tell you how embarrassing it is
when one of them drops off.
35
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:30,380
It would be like a cattle market now.
It's no wonder I joined the men's
36
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:31,380
liberation movement.
37
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:38,200
You did rather well, and you found
yourself in several touring plays. I
38
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,200
you played me.
39
00:10:39,370 --> 00:10:41,590
Yes, I did. In Manchester and
Birmingham, all those.
40
00:10:42,210 --> 00:10:43,210
Oh, yes.
41
00:10:43,290 --> 00:10:45,590
I was a bit of a hell -raiser in those
days.
42
00:10:45,810 --> 00:10:47,410
They used to call us the Rat Pack.
43
00:10:48,050 --> 00:10:54,650
Not just me, there was Athene Siler,
Edith Evans, Kathleen Harrison,
44
00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:55,929
Robert Morley.
45
00:10:55,930 --> 00:10:57,450
All our drinkers, you know.
46
00:10:58,530 --> 00:11:01,270
After the show every night, we'd go into
the Queen's Arms there.
47
00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:04,770
Many's the night, I've downed as many as
seven pints of shandy, straight off.
48
00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:07,410
You live life with a big L.
49
00:11:08,140 --> 00:11:10,920
And sometimes I suffered pain with a big
P.
50
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:22,000
Like when I met this terrible agent.
51
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,720
This lady producer.
52
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,560
She said, I'm having a surprise party. I
got a surprise when I got there, I can
53
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:28,299
tell you.
54
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,220
Carrying on like that was disgraceful.
55
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,300
It's like that film about Gomorrah and
that other place, you know.
56
00:11:38,350 --> 00:11:42,490
A tower of barbell there. It was full of
beatniks with long sideboards full of
57
00:11:42,490 --> 00:11:43,490
drink.
58
00:11:44,630 --> 00:11:47,630
I mean, the side... They had sideboards
full of drink.
59
00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:50,870
Some of the men was just as bad.
60
00:11:51,570 --> 00:11:55,410
I tell you, they were witches there.
They were practicing witchcraft. Not
61
00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:57,750
lady witches, but men witches. They had
men witches there.
62
00:11:58,290 --> 00:11:59,890
Wallops. It's true, I tell you.
63
00:12:07,630 --> 00:12:08,630
Which is there?
64
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:11,630
Warlock's mail.
65
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:12,830
Oh, I see.
66
00:12:13,110 --> 00:12:16,690
They said to me...
67
00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:23,390
They said she's waiting for you in her
den. So, of course, I went straight
68
00:12:23,390 --> 00:12:25,890
in. Well, you're really taking an awful
chance.
69
00:12:26,190 --> 00:12:27,990
I mean, you're really very attractive.
70
00:12:28,390 --> 00:12:29,390
I know.
71
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:33,290
I thought I'd be all right, because
everyone said she was a Lebanese.
72
00:12:39,180 --> 00:12:42,620
got in there, and she was all dressed up
in this, like, leather gear, you know,
73
00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:46,280
and she said, here, put that on, and
she'd give me a Russian army officer's
74
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:49,960
uniform, give me a copy of the TV Times,
and she'd hit me with it.
75
00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:55,640
She was a masochist.
76
00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:57,180
Well, she spoke fluent English.
77
00:12:58,940 --> 00:13:01,920
Well, I come out of there, and all
these, like, rich people, they was all,
78
00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:04,560
stood around, you know, and they said
they was going to have a symbolic
79
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:08,000
sacrifice. They was going to go out and
get an 18 -year -old virgin.
80
00:13:08,669 --> 00:13:10,310
Where was it? Chelsea.
81
00:13:13,570 --> 00:13:15,570
That's what I thought. Some hoax, you
know.
82
00:13:17,150 --> 00:13:19,010
Anyway, then they all started looking at
me.
83
00:13:19,970 --> 00:13:23,350
And what step did you take? Bloody long
ones, I tell you.
84
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,470
They were like a shot.
85
00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:31,530
What plans have you for the future?
86
00:13:31,830 --> 00:13:34,530
Well, I hope to get into a nice show
with some decent people.
87
00:13:34,850 --> 00:13:37,070
I've been on with this part in
Ocalcutta, you see.
88
00:13:38,339 --> 00:13:39,299
Oh, Calcutta?
89
00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,560
Yes. Well, it'll be full of Indians,
won't it? You know.
90
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,660
And I've seen them on the television, in
the documentaries, when they barf in
91
00:13:44,660 --> 00:13:47,500
the Ganges. They don't even take their
nightshirts off. So there won't be any
92
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:50,880
nudity or anything like that. You know.
Merding cruddy. Thank you. That's all
93
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,400
right. You really find me attractive.
94
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:53,920
I didn't know if you did or not.
95
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:55,440
You're the one.
96
00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:07,380
Claude was a penniless actor.
97
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,700
Pierre was a rich banker.
98
00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:26,260
And so Fifi married Pierre and installed
Claude as their butler.
99
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:11,000
But when this didn't work Claude
returned as the chauffeur.
100
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:49,320
When this failed, Claude returned as the
gardener.
101
00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:21,030
But when he turned up as the maid, his
troubles really stopped.
102
00:16:46,030 --> 00:16:52,650
maid arrived and he was obliged to share
a room with her, it was almost too much
103
00:16:52,650 --> 00:16:53,650
for him.
104
00:17:38,030 --> 00:17:42,170
he had to share a bed with her. It
really was too much for him.
105
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:55,410
And so Fifi remained faithful to her
husband.
106
00:17:55,790 --> 00:18:00,970
After all, better an old husband than a
lover who's a nervous wreck.
107
00:18:01,190 --> 00:18:02,190
N 'est -ce pas?
108
00:18:07,980 --> 00:18:11,500
My love is here. My goddess there doth
sit.
109
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,760
Oh, that sweet face.
110
00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:18,680
Oh, those gentle arms in whose unfolding
I would die a thousand deaths.
111
00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:21,820
Soft, she speaks.
112
00:18:24,260 --> 00:18:26,300
I've got your bloody lines again.
113
00:19:05,830 --> 00:19:08,790
about washing up? Oh, you want to try
Balmolive, my dear.
114
00:19:09,150 --> 00:19:11,730
That's what your hands are in now.
115
00:19:12,130 --> 00:19:13,390
Oh, yes.
116
00:19:13,850 --> 00:19:16,090
Oh, Balmolive is especially mild.
117
00:19:16,290 --> 00:19:20,770
And there's none gentler. Oh, Balmolive
will keep your hands lovely and soft.
118
00:19:20,990 --> 00:19:22,670
Do you see my glue?
119
00:19:23,090 --> 00:19:27,070
Oh, thank you. Oh, goodness.
120
00:19:29,470 --> 00:19:30,470
Honestly,
121
00:19:31,230 --> 00:19:32,630
Johnny, so bloody rough.
122
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:36,900
We're having a taste test.
123
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:41,920
And one of these contains Spuddo instant
mashed potato.
124
00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:44,380
And the other one just like contains
ordinary potato.
125
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:46,560
And we want to know which one you like
the best.
126
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:57,660
This one.
127
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,320
This was my wife.
128
00:20:08,860 --> 00:20:12,220
Tired, listless, just a part -time wife.
129
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,080
Then a friend suggested Benovite.
130
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,860
In next to no time, she was a new woman.
131
00:20:18,180 --> 00:20:22,240
Lively, vivacious, full of energy, full
of fun and joie de vivre.
132
00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:26,260
And it's all thanks to Benovite.
133
00:20:34,870 --> 00:20:37,170
That's what we're finding here in
Munich.
134
00:20:37,630 --> 00:20:42,890
Nine out of ten women know the
difference between a piece of butter. So
135
00:20:42,890 --> 00:20:43,890
a taste test.
136
00:20:44,350 --> 00:20:49,670
A challenge, 200 marks if you know a
piece of butter. Do you want to try it?
137
00:20:49,870 --> 00:20:51,030
Yes. Yes, then come in here.
138
00:20:51,230 --> 00:20:52,250
200 marks.
139
00:20:53,590 --> 00:20:58,030
Where is my wife?
140
00:20:59,770 --> 00:21:01,330
Elisha, where were you?
141
00:21:01,550 --> 00:21:03,510
I was in the caravan with this man.
142
00:21:22,430 --> 00:21:26,150
18 months ago, Edith Clackett worked for
Thames TV.
143
00:21:26,490 --> 00:21:29,490
A year ago, she left to join Celle Monte
Carlo.
144
00:21:29,710 --> 00:21:33,830
And just six weeks ago, she became the
fifth vicomtesse d 'argent.
145
00:21:34,350 --> 00:21:37,450
We've been having a little trouble with
the Eurovision link. Anyway, she has my
146
00:21:37,450 --> 00:21:39,610
number question, so we should be all
right.
147
00:21:41,010 --> 00:21:43,470
Do you still get the TV times?
148
00:21:52,530 --> 00:21:56,330
What's it like being married to a 70
-year -old V -cott?
149
00:21:56,750 --> 00:21:59,470
Well, I don't get it as often as I used
to.
150
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:07,760
Thursday mornings.
151
00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:12,800
And the postman's visit. But when I do
get it, I think of you, Alan.
152
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,800
And all my friends at Thames Television.
Happy days they were.
153
00:22:18,540 --> 00:22:22,120
I believe your favourite wedding present
was a French poodle.
154
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,220
He's nearly 75 years old, you know.
155
00:22:25,620 --> 00:22:27,040
But he still manages.
156
00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:29,700
A little tennis and golf.
157
00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:31,620
He's quite active, you know.
158
00:22:32,060 --> 00:22:35,860
I saw a picture of you dining with the
French president, Monsieur Pompidou.
159
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:40,580
What sort of person is he? Well, he's
got distemper and heart attack.
160
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:46,000
But he's clean about the house, and
that's something nowadays, isn't it?
161
00:22:49,740 --> 00:22:54,980
Tell me that from your villa there's
nothing but vineyards full of grapes as
162
00:22:54,980 --> 00:22:56,000
as the eye can see.
163
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,900
How many acres have you?
164
00:22:58,320 --> 00:22:59,320
Yes.
165
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,400
A perfect gentleman.
166
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,260
Do you hope to have children?
167
00:23:06,620 --> 00:23:08,980
Probably twelve or fifteen hundred.
168
00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:15,000
Mostly white ones, but one or two black
ones.
169
00:23:16,660 --> 00:23:20,460
Yes. They say the black ones fill up the
barrels quicker.
170
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:26,500
Whether that's true or not, I don't
know, but I do prefer red wine. Always
171
00:23:27,700 --> 00:23:30,880
It's nearly two years since I was down
that way.
172
00:23:31,180 --> 00:23:32,180
Yes.
173
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,620
Well, we'll just have to wait and see,
won't we?
174
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,540
It's a long time since I saw you in the
flesh.
175
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,060
Alan, you wouldn't recognize the old
place now.
176
00:24:06,260 --> 00:24:08,980
Pardon. Pardon, mademoiselle. Coupé,
coupé, on n 'entend rien.
177
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,540
Mais c 'est pas ma faute, c 'est la
faute de cette télévision, mademoiselle.
178
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:13,680
Cut!
179
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:28,400
And our first speaker, Britain's first
lady of fashion, Marie Quaid.
180
00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:29,780
Hello.
181
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:34,520
Well, I'm not going to keep you waiting
any longer. You go in then.
182
00:27:34,740 --> 00:27:39,440
This news has not only shaken Europe, it
has rocked the whole Western world.
183
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:44,960
I did tell you in 1962 that it was going
to happen and now it has.
184
00:27:45,620 --> 00:27:48,300
Yes, strikes are...
185
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:50,560
Big deal!
186
00:27:51,420 --> 00:27:57,620
And not only for the girls, but also for
the boys. Oh, yes.
187
00:27:58,180 --> 00:28:05,100
Green and heliotrope, crimson and blue,
magenta and primrose. This year, men are
188
00:28:05,100 --> 00:28:08,340
going to be gayer than ever. You're not
kidding, are you?
189
00:28:09,460 --> 00:28:13,920
And men, your wives are going to be more
feminine than ever.
190
00:28:14,340 --> 00:28:16,300
Wouldn't you...
191
00:28:18,540 --> 00:28:25,220
your wives in something long and flowing
yes river as i said before
192
00:28:25,220 --> 00:28:26,280
there will be
193
00:28:47,790 --> 00:28:49,650
wearing my micro mini skirt.
194
00:28:50,010 --> 00:28:52,290
You're going to be showing your knickers
again, aren't you?
195
00:28:52,550 --> 00:28:54,650
Oh, yes. And see -through blouses are
back.
196
00:28:54,950 --> 00:28:55,950
I'll look into that.
197
00:28:56,130 --> 00:28:58,690
I shall be putting mine on at the first
opportunity.
198
00:28:59,950 --> 00:29:04,890
You'll be showing your tallies again,
won't you? Oh, I can't. I can't get him
199
00:29:04,890 --> 00:29:05,889
out of here.
200
00:29:05,890 --> 00:29:08,730
Oh. Can I go wee now?
201
00:29:09,010 --> 00:29:10,010
Yes, you can.
202
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:22,800
Thank you.
203
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:53,620
How there's a rose for the way my spirit
rose when we
204
00:33:53,620 --> 00:34:00,380
met. A forget -me -not to remind me to
remember not to
205
00:34:00,380 --> 00:34:06,620
forget. A pine tree for the way I pined
206
00:34:06,620 --> 00:34:12,840
over you. And an ash for the day I
207
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:18,770
ashed. you to be true and the sun and
the rain
208
00:34:18,770 --> 00:34:25,770
fell from up above and landed on the
earth
209
00:34:25,770 --> 00:34:32,530
alone in my garden of love now there's a
210
00:34:32,530 --> 00:34:39,230
beetroot for the day you said that you'd
be true to me a
211
00:34:39,230 --> 00:34:42,050
sweet pea for the sweet way
212
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:49,340
You always used to smile at me. But you
had friends who needed you.
213
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:56,239
There was Birdie. There was Liza. So
just for them, I put
214
00:34:56,239 --> 00:35:03,160
down a load of Birdie. Liza and the sun
and the rain
215
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:09,840
fell from up above and landed on the
216
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:11,000
escalator.
217
00:35:16,270 --> 00:35:22,650
Oh Gus, the gardener's left now And you
went with him too
218
00:35:22,650 --> 00:35:29,370
The fungus here reminds me Of the fungus
he's having with
219
00:35:29,370 --> 00:35:35,890
you The rockery's a mockery With weeds
it's
220
00:35:35,890 --> 00:35:39,230
overgrown The fuchsia's gone
221
00:35:40,170 --> 00:35:43,610
I couldn't face the fuchsia all alone.
222
00:35:43,930 --> 00:35:50,710
And my tears fell like raindrops from
the sky above.
223
00:35:51,050 --> 00:35:57,070
And poisoned all the flowers in my
224
00:35:57,070 --> 00:35:59,910
garden of love.
225
00:36:12,270 --> 00:36:17,510
of six good night father of one
226
00:36:17,510 --> 00:36:29,170
these
227
00:36:29,170 --> 00:36:35,970
are just
228
00:36:35,970 --> 00:36:39,230
four of the films to come from the
founder of the french avant -garde
229
00:36:39,230 --> 00:36:40,230
director
230
00:36:41,299 --> 00:36:42,299
Pierre Teterre.
231
00:36:42,420 --> 00:36:43,680
Bonsoir. Bonsoir.
232
00:36:44,180 --> 00:36:45,820
Mes amours. Très bien.
233
00:36:46,140 --> 00:36:47,260
Thank you very much.
234
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:52,400
For me, the best thing you've ever done,
perhaps the most memorable thing I've
235
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:56,700
ever seen in the cinema, it was that
moment in Lovable on Fuss.
236
00:36:57,700 --> 00:37:01,900
This 22 -year -old girl who, for so
long, had lived in this fantasy world,
237
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:07,320
suddenly, through the death of her pet
torsos, has to face up to reality.
238
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:12,140
Suddenly, you change from colour, To
black and white, right until the end of
239
00:37:12,140 --> 00:37:14,060
film. A masterstroke. No,
240
00:37:14,780 --> 00:37:15,419
no, no.
241
00:37:15,420 --> 00:37:19,120
We change from color to black and white
because we run out of color film.
242
00:37:21,020 --> 00:37:25,740
You see, we have no more color film. We
have no money to buy other color film.
243
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,220
So we use the value of little stock,
black and white. That's right.
244
00:37:29,140 --> 00:37:30,140
Yes.
245
00:37:30,660 --> 00:37:37,480
But the, um... The urgency you implied
in the story, so simply giving almost
246
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:38,560
a documentary effect.
247
00:37:38,910 --> 00:37:40,230
By using a handheld camera.
248
00:37:40,490 --> 00:37:45,230
It gave... No, no, no, no, no. We use
handheld because we don't have a, you
249
00:37:45,230 --> 00:37:45,808
it, tripod.
250
00:37:45,810 --> 00:37:47,610
A tripod to put on top.
251
00:37:47,970 --> 00:37:52,230
You see, the cameraman hit on the head
the makeup man with a tripod and broke
252
00:37:52,230 --> 00:37:53,169
it.
253
00:37:53,170 --> 00:37:54,690
He read the tripod, not the head.
254
00:37:55,150 --> 00:37:57,430
And we have no, no, so we hold in the
hand.
255
00:37:58,050 --> 00:38:04,450
But this girl who had this brinde, this
savoir faire, so very nearly perfect,
256
00:38:04,650 --> 00:38:06,910
yet you gave her a lisp.
257
00:38:07,310 --> 00:38:11,230
showing that even the most perfect of
us... No, no, no, I don't give her a
258
00:38:11,370 --> 00:38:12,430
She have a lisp.
259
00:38:13,570 --> 00:38:17,330
The actress who plays the part has
always, always a lisp.
260
00:38:18,010 --> 00:38:23,450
You searched all over France for an
actress with a lisp. No, I don't search
261
00:38:23,450 --> 00:38:27,910
her. She was discovered, actually, by
the producer who was living with her at
262
00:38:27,910 --> 00:38:28,910
the time.
263
00:38:29,210 --> 00:38:31,350
He says she is, so I put her in, you
know.
264
00:38:31,730 --> 00:38:36,290
Oh, I... I think the best part of the
film, it was in the restaurant.
265
00:38:36,510 --> 00:38:43,490
She looked up to him and said, I want a
life in
266
00:38:43,490 --> 00:38:49,630
the Grand Manor. No, no, no, no. She
says, I would like muscle soup.
267
00:38:50,990 --> 00:38:51,430
Very
268
00:38:51,430 --> 00:38:58,590
significant.
269
00:38:59,310 --> 00:39:03,380
And then, at the end of the film, As she
sits alone in the barren waste of the
270
00:39:03,380 --> 00:39:05,600
Camargue, that little dog ran up to her.
271
00:39:05,940 --> 00:39:06,940
That said it all.
272
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:08,320
It's a dog's life.
273
00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:12,020
How did you get him to do that? I don't
get him to do it. I don't know who this
274
00:39:12,020 --> 00:39:13,020
is, the dog.
275
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:18,220
I mean, if I knew who this is, the dog,
I'd kill him because the dog put the leg
276
00:39:18,220 --> 00:39:19,380
up on the camera, you know.
277
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:25,520
And all the working is very rusty and
it's only like a jelly. You know, it's
278
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:27,980
terrible. I could kill who this is, the
dog, you know.
279
00:39:29,180 --> 00:39:30,900
Thank you, Pierre Teterre.
280
00:39:54,220 --> 00:39:57,400
Beautiful night, isn't it? It's not half
as you are.
281
00:39:59,260 --> 00:40:01,640
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever
said to me.
282
00:40:02,340 --> 00:40:04,440
I don't think I've seen you on the boat
before.
283
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:11,220
No, I spend most of my time in the...
You must have been very lonely in there.
284
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:12,520
I was rather.
285
00:40:13,340 --> 00:40:17,240
You know, I saw you this morning walking
along the top deck, and I couldn't help
286
00:40:17,240 --> 00:40:19,920
noticing you had a very, very beautiful
behind.
287
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:23,380
I've had it for quite some time.
288
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:25,680
Wait for me in Crete.
289
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:27,480
They don't make them like that nowadays.
290
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:29,780
Do you have a nice cabin?
291
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:31,160
Unfortunately, no.
292
00:40:31,540 --> 00:40:33,360
I couldn't get one with a bathroom.
293
00:40:33,860 --> 00:40:38,180
Must say I'm getting a bit fed up having
to out of the porthole.
294
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:40,820
Oh, nice.
295
00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:44,440
You know, you are really very pathetic.
296
00:40:45,700 --> 00:40:46,700
Thank you.
297
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:47,800
Oh, I see.
298
00:40:48,540 --> 00:40:50,360
Jenny. Oh, hello.
299
00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:54,050
Slummy. Oh, he's a very influential
person.
300
00:40:54,470 --> 00:40:56,230
His mother is Edward Heath.
301
00:40:56,750 --> 00:40:58,390
She's quite a woman.
302
00:40:58,750 --> 00:40:59,750
Oh, she is.
303
00:41:01,650 --> 00:41:05,630
I say, I'm most awfully sorry.
304
00:41:05,890 --> 00:41:07,970
How dare you? I'll call the steward.
305
00:41:08,310 --> 00:41:10,510
How about a song, Roger?
306
00:41:10,870 --> 00:41:12,050
Yeah, how about it, sir?
307
00:41:12,310 --> 00:41:15,130
Oh, no. You don't want to hear me.
308
00:41:15,450 --> 00:41:17,010
It's all through the tulips.
309
00:41:17,690 --> 00:41:20,210
But only if Jenny will, with me.
310
00:41:20,430 --> 00:41:21,510
I'd love to.
311
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:25,760
Tiptoe, to the back is where I'll be
come.
312
00:41:26,220 --> 00:41:28,000
Tiptoe, through the two.
313
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:33,300
Tiptoe, from the bitter, through the two
lips, with me.
314
00:42:00,010 --> 00:42:02,830
I thought it was lousy. Oh, you can
yourself.
315
00:42:04,190 --> 00:42:05,190
Arthur,
316
00:42:05,550 --> 00:42:07,470
that's him over there.
317
00:42:08,150 --> 00:42:09,170
Excuse me, sir.
318
00:42:09,390 --> 00:42:10,390
Ticket.
319
00:42:10,970 --> 00:42:13,370
Very well, I... Second class.
320
00:42:13,890 --> 00:42:14,890
Oh, no.
321
00:42:15,130 --> 00:42:16,270
I'm afraid so, madam.
322
00:42:16,490 --> 00:42:19,450
I must ask you to leave this first class
saloon immediately, sir.
323
00:42:19,890 --> 00:42:20,890
Very well.
324
00:42:21,070 --> 00:42:22,070
Is it true?
325
00:42:22,230 --> 00:42:24,630
Are you really a second class passenger?
326
00:42:25,030 --> 00:42:27,350
I'm most terribly sorry. Do forgive me.
I'll go.
327
00:42:27,610 --> 00:42:28,650
Is it true?
328
00:42:29,820 --> 00:42:32,380
Are you really a second -class
passenger?
329
00:42:32,860 --> 00:42:36,800
I'm most terribly sorry.
330
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:41,280
Do forgive me. All good.
331
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,460
Is it true?
332
00:42:46,220 --> 00:42:53,140
Are you really a second -class
passenger?
333
00:43:00,279 --> 00:43:02,100
I'm very sorry. Don't forget me. I'll
go.
334
00:43:04,660 --> 00:43:07,020
Oh, and I figured you'd stop and make
them. I knew it was funny from the
335
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:09,420
That's funny, but they're not a cat.
Yes, but that's all right.
336
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:11,520
Jenny, darling, what are you doing down
here?
337
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,360
I changed my ticket for second -class
ones. Oh, darling.
338
00:43:15,780 --> 00:43:18,540
I'm terribly sorry about that, sir. I
had no idea you were the owner.
339
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:19,760
The owner?
340
00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:20,718
Oh, yes, madam.
341
00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:22,580
Mr. Rogers shipped all over the place.
342
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:32,880
Passenger.
343
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:41,840
and I hadn't started courting and my mum
was getting worried about me.
344
00:44:43,420 --> 00:44:47,020
She says, Dad, it's time you told him
all about the birds and bees. He says,
345
00:44:47,020 --> 00:44:48,760
birds and bees, and he sat me on his
knee.
346
00:44:49,300 --> 00:44:54,020
He says, now, remember Uncle Joe at that
picnic a while ago where we went off
347
00:44:54,020 --> 00:44:55,400
into the woods with Aunty Pat?
348
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:59,960
And how I chased old Riley's daughter
and what happened when I caught her? I
349
00:44:59,960 --> 00:45:01,660
said, yeah. He said, well, birds and
bees does that.
350
00:45:05,740 --> 00:45:09,940
Dad works very hard indeed when he got
ten kids to feed well ten and seven
351
00:45:09,940 --> 00:45:16,180
nights to be precise And we all wear and
me down and as I am the youngest and
352
00:45:16,180 --> 00:45:21,140
the others are all girls ain't very nice
It's time that you got wait. I said I'd
353
00:45:21,140 --> 00:45:25,600
rather drop down did he says no, but Oh
maude from likely down Isis more not
354
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:29,980
bloody likely she been a bowler chaps in
Oakley. He said well, he's really quite
355
00:45:29,980 --> 00:45:30,980
a little town
356
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:38,600
He says, you've got to get a wife. You
can't go on enjoying life or folks will
357
00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:42,500
think you're strange and start to frown.
I says to him, now look, why should I
358
00:45:42,500 --> 00:45:46,600
buy a book when there's a thriving
lending library in the town?
359
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:53,380
One day I found a friend who was up by
Badger's End.
360
00:45:53,720 --> 00:45:58,180
A little pigeon fell down to my feet.
Its feathers was flecked with red and at
361
00:45:58,180 --> 00:46:01,400
first I thought he's dead and then I
knelt and I felt his little heart still
362
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:06,530
beat. I cut him in my hands and I ran
home to my mam and she said, son, I'm as
363
00:46:06,530 --> 00:46:10,470
prey to you as I can be. You're
thoughtful and you're kind and you've
364
00:46:10,470 --> 00:46:13,110
gentle mind and that'll do a treat for
your old father's teeth.
365
00:46:15,470 --> 00:46:18,130
I says you shall not touch my bird.
366
00:46:22,860 --> 00:46:26,940
And with another word, I took him in my
room, and I shut the door, and then I
367
00:46:26,940 --> 00:46:30,560
bathed him, and I warmed him, and I
nursed him back to health. Because, you
368
00:46:30,620 --> 00:46:32,080
I'd never really had a friend before.
369
00:46:32,940 --> 00:46:36,900
I taught him little tricks, like playing
dead and picking up sticks, and the
370
00:46:36,900 --> 00:46:39,280
village girls, they brought bird seed
every day.
371
00:46:40,140 --> 00:46:41,140
Dad!
372
00:46:42,650 --> 00:46:46,410
You can't come in, I chat, or my birdie
will fly out. But, of course, I let the
373
00:46:46,410 --> 00:46:47,450
village girls all stay.
374
00:46:47,750 --> 00:46:51,890
Well, there was Mabel from the stable
and Mary from the dairy. We had a visit
375
00:46:51,890 --> 00:46:53,070
from our beauty queen.
376
00:46:53,850 --> 00:46:58,010
And that great big Betty Mavery. And she
got her own Avery.
377
00:46:59,550 --> 00:47:01,970
She got the biggest pair of keats I've
ever seen.
378
00:47:10,420 --> 00:47:12,660
Dad says you ought to let him go.
379
00:47:12,900 --> 00:47:16,640
The mum, she says, oh, no, you just want
to get some shooting practice in. But
380
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:21,160
the vicar says, my son, it really isn't
done, and to lock up a wild thing, well,
381
00:47:21,240 --> 00:47:22,240
that's a thing.
382
00:47:22,900 --> 00:47:27,440
One morning, when it was all still, I
took him up to Badger's Hill.
383
00:47:27,860 --> 00:47:32,000
I lost the only little friend I had that
day. Not a word I said, I just kissed
384
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:36,420
his little head, and I opened my hands,
and I watched him fly away.
385
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:40,320
He circled up and round and then he
settled on the ground and off he went
386
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:44,500
straight up to the sky. And then I
looked and I could see he was flying
387
00:47:44,500 --> 00:47:48,140
me. And then he swooped and then he
poked right in my eye.
388
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:59,940
I thought, that's bloody rude.
389
00:48:01,660 --> 00:48:03,320
And core, there's gratitude.
390
00:48:05,070 --> 00:48:07,470
I hope they never cross a pigeon with a
cow.
391
00:48:09,970 --> 00:48:13,650
And Dad says, here, there's a caper.
I'll go get a bit of paper. I says,
392
00:48:13,650 --> 00:48:15,050
be daft. He's miles away from you.
393
00:48:19,170 --> 00:48:26,010
Dad says, I know you lost a friend,
394
00:48:26,130 --> 00:48:28,290
but it's really not the end.
395
00:48:28,670 --> 00:48:31,830
You'll be married and have your family
of your own quite soon.
396
00:48:32,330 --> 00:48:33,890
Well, I never said a word.
397
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:40,340
But you see, that little bird had lured
18 little ravers up to my room.
398
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:46,520
So if anyone's got a spare cockatoo or
an old crow they don't want, I'd be very
399
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:47,520
much obliged.
400
00:53:13,710 --> 00:53:16,850
But you know, I always remember you used
to say to me, never forget, Reverend,
401
00:53:17,150 --> 00:53:21,210
hard cash does not a soft heart make.
402
00:53:21,870 --> 00:53:23,550
And you know, I never forgot that.
403
00:53:25,050 --> 00:53:27,790
Thank you, Reverend Feltree.
404
00:53:35,050 --> 00:53:37,150
Never found out what the silly old twit
meant.
405
00:53:38,470 --> 00:53:41,590
I mean, stupid old thing. The last
time...
406
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:43,640
he pinched my bum.
407
00:53:45,580 --> 00:53:47,180
God bless, I blame him.
408
00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:49,620
As soon as we're off, I should pinch him
myself.
409
00:53:50,780 --> 00:53:53,680
Cut the sound! The sound!
410
00:53:53,940 --> 00:53:54,940
Cut!
411
00:55:35,630 --> 00:55:36,630
What is a mugwump?
412
00:55:37,350 --> 00:55:40,570
A mugwump is a bird who sits on a fence
with its mug over one side and its wump
413
00:55:40,570 --> 00:55:41,570
over the other.
414
00:55:42,510 --> 00:55:43,510
There's one.
415
00:55:45,550 --> 00:55:49,550
Did you hear about the actor who was so
conceited that he parked in lover's lane
416
00:55:49,550 --> 00:55:50,550
by himself?
417
00:55:51,910 --> 00:55:52,910
There's another one.
418
00:55:54,110 --> 00:55:58,390
Or the actress who was so dumb she
couldn't add up to two without taking
419
00:55:58,390 --> 00:55:59,390
blouse.
420
00:56:02,640 --> 00:56:05,320
All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's
be serious for a moment because we
421
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:12,320
could... Well, I'm falling for you
tonight.
422
00:56:15,940 --> 00:56:20,020
Well, here we go. Ladies and gentlemen,
we must be serious. This is a serious
423
00:56:20,020 --> 00:56:24,300
matter. If you met somebody who was 107
years old, I'm sure that you would...
424
00:56:24,300 --> 00:56:29,780
You would... Have a lot of questions to
ask him, and I'm no different from
425
00:56:29,780 --> 00:56:31,500
anybody else. I have a lot of questions
to ask him.
426
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:35,580
Here he is, 107 years old today, Eric
Moulton from Kimberley.
427
00:56:50,460 --> 00:56:52,680
Well, these things do happen, ladies and
gentlemen.
428
00:56:54,280 --> 00:57:00,980
If... If you met...
429
00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:05,280
If I told you that three goals were
scored today on the Lambton football
430
00:57:05,340 --> 00:57:09,500
I don't suppose it would really surprise
you. But when I tell you that they were
431
00:57:09,500 --> 00:57:13,900
scored by the vicar of Lambton, I'm sure
you will be surprised. He's come along
432
00:57:13,900 --> 00:57:19,040
here tonight, direct from the changing
room, where he's more than welcome. And
433
00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:22,640
here he is, the Reverend Peter Wilby.
434
00:57:58,990 --> 00:58:01,270
Zickers... Zickers, Zickers playing
football.
435
00:58:01,530 --> 00:58:02,530
Whatever next?
436
00:58:02,950 --> 00:58:09,770
Well... I... I feel
437
00:58:09,770 --> 00:58:13,490
that we in the church should show that
we're just the same as everyone else.
438
00:58:14,970 --> 00:58:16,370
I mean that we're human.
439
00:58:18,770 --> 00:58:19,770
I see.
440
00:58:23,920 --> 00:58:29,060
We all have our little differences, I
mean, as in industry, but I think the
441
00:58:29,060 --> 00:58:32,260
important thing is to air one's
differences from time to time.
442
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:40,980
You know, um... Bring them out into the
open, so to
443
00:58:40,980 --> 00:58:41,980
speak. Yes.
444
00:58:54,759 --> 00:59:00,560
Football? Football, well, I often think
that life, life is very much like a
445
00:59:00,560 --> 00:59:04,880
football game. I mean, we're all
struggling towards the same goal. I
446
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:06,740
all want to show what we're made of,
don't we?
447
00:59:08,720 --> 00:59:12,360
And I've nothing to hide. I like to be
admired like the next man.
448
00:59:13,360 --> 00:59:14,360
Well,
449
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:17,920
Vicar, you know, this has really moved
your heart, I'm done.
450
00:59:18,580 --> 00:59:19,580
Sorry?
451
00:59:20,360 --> 00:59:23,140
I'm saying, it is most interesting
though your heart, I'm done.
452
00:59:36,510 --> 00:59:38,450
Well... So much for religion.
453
00:59:39,170 --> 00:59:45,870
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm
delighted that my next... My
454
00:59:45,870 --> 00:59:52,710
next guest has come from the West End of
London. He is one of London's biggest
455
00:59:52,710 --> 00:59:57,030
West Ends. I know you're going to make
him very welcome. Here he is, Rodney
456
00:59:57,030 --> 00:59:58,030
Fairchild.
457
01:00:04,569 --> 01:00:08,210
Certainly plenty of you could come along
and be my guest on this show. I really
458
01:00:08,210 --> 01:00:11,910
am absolutely thrilled that you have
been able to find time to come along.
459
01:00:11,910 --> 01:00:16,530
have a reputation of being quite a
hellraiser. Do you feel this reputation
460
01:00:16,530 --> 01:00:17,530
justified in any way?
461
01:00:19,050 --> 01:00:20,270
That you have?
462
01:00:21,590 --> 01:00:28,130
You know, of being a hellraiser. Do you
feel in any way justified at all?
463
01:00:28,770 --> 01:00:31,690
This reputation that you have?
464
01:00:41,069 --> 01:00:42,069
No. Well,
465
01:00:42,610 --> 01:00:43,610
there you are.
466
01:00:44,470 --> 01:00:48,870
Bless my soul. It's just sort of
newspaper publicity. They put labels on
467
01:00:49,150 --> 01:00:52,530
don't they? They sort of, you know, they
put labels on. I suppose they put a
468
01:00:52,530 --> 01:00:55,350
label on you. You know, sort of like
publicity.
469
01:00:55,570 --> 01:00:57,170
We just said it was publicity. I suppose
it's publicity.
470
01:00:57,670 --> 01:00:58,670
Is it publicity?
471
01:00:59,370 --> 01:01:00,370
Well, yes.
472
01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:09,460
Yes, I'm quite surprised about that.
473
01:01:11,160 --> 01:01:14,140
Tell me, does it worry you on this
reputation?
474
01:01:14,340 --> 01:01:17,700
Wrong and false, that may be. Does it
worry you at all?
475
01:01:18,140 --> 01:01:23,940
The reputation that you've got. Does it
worry you in any way at all?
476
01:01:26,180 --> 01:01:27,180
No.
477
01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:30,520
Well,
478
01:01:30,860 --> 01:01:34,180
there you are. Honestly, I could go on
talking with you all night.
479
01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:38,640
It's lovely to have you on the show,
but, you know, we've got to move along,
480
01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:41,680
time to meet my last guest this evening.
I know you're going to make her
481
01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:45,620
welcome. Here she is, the very lovely
West End star, Liza Moon.
482
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:56,460
Oh, Liza, it's lovely, lovely to have
you.
483
01:01:58,460 --> 01:02:02,280
Lovely to have you on the show.
484
01:02:03,210 --> 01:02:06,090
What have you been doing lately? Are you
still appearing in the West End?
485
01:02:10,650 --> 01:02:17,130
Tell me, have you ever worked together?
Have you worked with them? Have you
486
01:02:17,130 --> 01:02:18,330
worked with Liza at all?
487
01:02:19,930 --> 01:02:21,670
Any of your shows together?
488
01:02:22,110 --> 01:02:27,470
You've not had the pleasure of working?
Have you ever worked with them?
489
01:02:30,950 --> 01:02:33,150
It's lovely having you all here.
490
01:02:33,550 --> 01:02:35,210
It really is absolutely brilliant.
491
01:02:46,310 --> 01:02:48,010
That's what the public wants, new faces.
492
01:02:49,170 --> 01:02:50,170
One in a row.
493
01:02:51,710 --> 01:02:53,490
Well, ladies and gentlemen, I could go
on.
494
01:02:56,080 --> 01:03:00,820
I go on talking and having fun here all
night, but unfortunately the old clock
495
01:03:00,820 --> 01:03:03,680
on the wall says there's only 42 minutes
to go.
496
01:03:05,580 --> 01:03:10,580
Anyway, folks, tune in again this time
next week and see Crossroads.
497
01:03:12,540 --> 01:03:18,940
Blackmore. This vast wasteland of bogs
and marshes has, over the last 17 years,
498
01:03:19,160 --> 01:03:20,760
claimed no fewer than...
499
01:03:35,420 --> 01:03:36,420
No, dear, no.
500
01:03:36,640 --> 01:03:37,960
What's there in the road ahead?
501
01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:39,960
Not what's there in the road ahead.
502
01:03:40,660 --> 01:03:42,720
It's only a bicycle.
503
01:03:43,460 --> 01:03:45,080
Open the gate, she'll be up in a minute.
504
01:09:40,560 --> 01:09:41,560
Right, take her out again.
505
01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:45,740
Right, action.
506
01:09:46,300 --> 01:09:47,660
Oh, Bodley B.
507
01:09:48,100 --> 01:09:51,260
I'm just the... Oh, I'm so sorry, John.
508
01:09:51,640 --> 01:09:53,920
Just relax.
509
01:09:55,440 --> 01:09:59,220
Okay. Are you okay? Yes, I'm okay now.
Carry on. It'll be all right.
510
01:09:59,520 --> 01:10:00,339
Not tired?
511
01:10:00,340 --> 01:10:01,340
No.
512
01:11:44,520 --> 01:11:45,960
This is my picture. I thought you might
like to see it.
513
01:11:46,180 --> 01:11:47,580
Hold it, George.
514
01:11:48,960 --> 01:11:49,960
What?
515
01:11:53,680 --> 01:11:54,680
Uh,
516
01:11:59,840 --> 01:12:00,840
just a minute, sir.
517
01:12:00,980 --> 01:12:02,680
Will you open it, please? So sorry.
518
01:12:03,120 --> 01:12:04,180
Nice, brawn -ready.
519
01:12:04,920 --> 01:12:06,080
With big blisters.
520
01:12:09,320 --> 01:12:10,320
Forte application.
521
01:12:10,920 --> 01:12:12,570
Pardon? Port or embrocation?
522
01:12:12,930 --> 01:12:18,370
No, no, however. Have a nice groin, have
a shaving erosion, no have port or
523
01:12:18,370 --> 01:12:19,810
embrocation. No, however.
524
01:12:20,630 --> 01:12:23,370
You've just arrived, sir? Yes. I got a
fright.
525
01:12:23,890 --> 01:12:26,350
How did you get a fright? With a fright
ticket.
526
01:12:29,950 --> 01:12:31,510
A fright, yes.
527
01:12:32,450 --> 01:12:33,710
It was a miracle.
528
01:12:34,650 --> 01:12:35,870
What was the miracle?
529
01:12:36,150 --> 01:12:37,830
We take off with a miracle.
530
01:12:38,110 --> 01:12:39,510
You took off from a miracle?
531
01:12:40,060 --> 01:12:41,200
The United States of America.
532
01:12:43,240 --> 01:12:44,320
America. Yes.
533
01:12:45,780 --> 01:12:46,780
Bloody tricks.
534
01:12:48,500 --> 01:12:50,860
Now, are you staying here, sir, or going
on overseas?
535
01:12:51,260 --> 01:12:52,260
I have a right.
536
01:12:52,480 --> 01:12:55,580
Yes, you have a right to go on overseas,
but I have a right to ask where.
537
01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:57,100
I have a right.
538
01:12:58,180 --> 01:13:01,740
You have a right? No, you have a right.
I have a right.
539
01:13:02,460 --> 01:13:04,320
Oh, Isle of Wight. Yes.
540
01:13:10,990 --> 01:13:12,070
hardly call that overseas.
541
01:13:12,310 --> 01:13:13,410
You try walking there.
542
01:13:19,750 --> 01:13:21,310
Can you see this?
543
01:13:21,530 --> 01:13:22,530
Yes.
544
01:13:22,770 --> 01:13:24,090
Can you read it? No.
545
01:13:26,470 --> 01:13:27,429
Why not?
546
01:13:27,430 --> 01:13:28,430
Wrong way up.
547
01:13:30,050 --> 01:13:31,250
Look, it's good.
548
01:13:31,510 --> 01:13:32,510
Not great.
549
01:13:34,830 --> 01:13:35,830
You're Chinese.
550
01:13:36,410 --> 01:13:37,410
Oh, brother.
551
01:13:46,290 --> 01:13:47,990
Mother of mine!
552
01:13:51,490 --> 01:13:54,670
Did you understand it? Did you
understand me?
553
01:13:55,730 --> 01:13:57,070
That's hardly the point.
554
01:13:57,930 --> 01:14:00,070
Is this all you have? Yes, sure.
555
01:14:00,510 --> 01:14:03,750
Also, I have here something to show you.
556
01:14:04,130 --> 01:14:06,910
That's an egg. One hundred year old egg.
557
01:14:07,130 --> 01:14:09,950
One hundred year old. One hundred year.
558
01:14:10,630 --> 01:14:12,010
You don't seem to have much.
559
01:14:12,290 --> 01:14:13,690
No, I have my beliefs.
560
01:14:14,110 --> 01:14:17,910
Your beliefs? I ask butter. No, no
butter, no sugar, no tea, no.
561
01:14:18,650 --> 01:14:20,110
Just have my beliefs.
562
01:14:23,230 --> 01:14:27,870
I'm sorry to leave it in such disarray.
Oh, disarray, that array. Who cares?
563
01:14:28,650 --> 01:14:29,870
How did we all end?
564
01:14:30,210 --> 01:14:31,210
Oh, dear.
565
01:14:31,710 --> 01:14:32,710
Hey,
566
01:14:35,850 --> 01:14:36,850
immigration!
567
01:14:37,610 --> 01:14:39,350
I'll be ready with a very soon moment.
568
01:14:42,230 --> 01:14:44,430
Hey, you've been out in the sun, cookie
boy.
569
01:14:44,770 --> 01:14:48,310
No, you have been telling my colleague
that you are going to the Isle of Wight.
570
01:14:48,550 --> 01:14:49,670
For what purpose?
571
01:14:49,910 --> 01:14:50,910
Bleeding cows.
572
01:14:52,750 --> 01:14:56,230
That is where I wish to know why. That
is, that is why.
573
01:14:56,610 --> 01:14:58,170
I'm going there breeding cows.
574
01:14:59,030 --> 01:15:00,990
I breed cow, rook.
575
01:15:02,110 --> 01:15:03,790
Why you move with a rook?
576
01:15:04,670 --> 01:15:07,770
I can't go to a market.
577
01:15:08,970 --> 01:15:10,730
I can't go to a little...
578
01:15:23,050 --> 01:15:23,889
He's angrier.
579
01:15:23,890 --> 01:15:26,930
Oh, why is he angrier? Because he's
raving.
580
01:15:55,530 --> 01:15:58,130
You see, in my work, I have to find a
farm that's suitable.
581
01:15:58,570 --> 01:16:00,690
Oh, you work in pharmaceuticals, yes.
582
01:16:00,950 --> 01:16:02,370
No, a farm that's suitable.
583
01:16:02,690 --> 01:16:05,210
Listen, you no -gut crop, Eos.
584
01:16:06,910 --> 01:16:08,870
Loss your rug hose out.
585
01:16:09,530 --> 01:16:11,430
Look, I get you a farm.
586
01:16:11,810 --> 01:16:17,710
I take the bull to the cow so that the
bull can make rug to the cow.
587
01:16:18,290 --> 01:16:20,590
Oh, but surely that is a job for the
farmer.
588
01:16:20,830 --> 01:16:22,050
It has to be a bull.
589
01:16:46,780 --> 01:16:50,140
And all the little people were all
glowing.
590
01:16:50,580 --> 01:16:54,460
And then when I got all there, then I
shot her a chip.
591
01:16:54,680 --> 01:16:58,840
Oh, you shot her a chip? That's what I
said. Why, you know, listen. Oh,
592
01:16:59,800 --> 01:17:01,420
it's like jogging, you reckon.
593
01:17:01,860 --> 01:17:08,220
Right. And then when I got a chip and I
got all there, I seen to Hong Kong.
594
01:17:15,820 --> 01:17:16,820
It's a load of bull -
595
01:18:31,920 --> 01:18:33,100
Good night, my friend.
596
01:18:33,800 --> 01:18:35,420
Time to call it a day.
597
01:18:36,420 --> 01:18:38,440
Time to blow out the candle.
598
01:18:38,700 --> 01:18:45,180
Or as my friend Shirley Bassey would
say... We burn our candles at both ends
599
01:18:45,180 --> 01:18:47,700
before our flick is finally flung.
600
01:18:52,960 --> 01:18:56,340
My mom puts me to bed.
601
01:18:56,820 --> 01:19:01,840
Wakes me when we head. Then she goes
round and puts out all... the fires.
602
01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:06,680
And then me auntie Vi sings me a
lullaby.
603
01:19:07,180 --> 01:19:10,460
I like it because she sounds like
Dorothy Squires.
604
01:19:11,460 --> 01:19:15,320
I did it for my wife.
605
01:19:22,820 --> 01:19:26,180
Amazing steps to Isaiah.
606
01:19:26,700 --> 01:19:28,520
Life isn't all milk and all honey.
607
01:19:28,960 --> 01:19:30,580
He said, Isaiah, come forth.
608
01:19:31,040 --> 01:19:34,180
And Isaiah came fifth, and I went with a
cup of his money.
609
01:19:34,660 --> 01:19:36,440
It's all Greek to me, you know.
610
01:19:37,640 --> 01:19:38,640
Hello, everyone.
611
01:19:38,840 --> 01:19:42,800
Here is a little song about a girl who
is going to see her lover by the
612
01:19:42,800 --> 01:19:43,800
eucalyptus tree.
613
01:19:43,920 --> 01:19:45,940
And as she walks there, she sees a boy.
614
01:19:46,220 --> 01:19:50,320
And he says, your lips are like red
wine, and I should like to sip them.
615
01:19:50,700 --> 01:19:54,300
And she says, you cannot, because I'm
going to meet my lover by the eucalyptus
616
01:19:54,300 --> 01:19:57,100
tree. And a little further on, she meets
another boy.
617
01:19:57,560 --> 01:20:01,940
And he says, your eyes are like pools of
clear crystal water. I should like to
618
01:20:01,940 --> 01:20:05,680
bathe in them. And she says, you cannot
because I'm going to see my lover by the
619
01:20:05,680 --> 01:20:06,680
eucalyptus tree.
620
01:20:06,740 --> 01:20:10,420
And a little further on she meets
another boy. And he says, your hair is
621
01:20:10,420 --> 01:20:11,920
corn waving in the breeze.
622
01:20:12,220 --> 01:20:14,420
I should like to run barefoot through
it.
623
01:20:14,700 --> 01:20:18,180
And she says, you cannot because I'm
going to see my lover by the eucalyptus
624
01:20:18,180 --> 01:20:22,280
tree. And she gets to the eucalyptus
tree and her lover doesn't come.
625
01:20:23,240 --> 01:20:24,240
Exact so.
626
01:20:24,680 --> 01:20:29,580
I -X -X -O, I'm an X -O, mini, mini, I
bet you X -X -O.
627
01:20:30,700 --> 01:20:32,340
Now, here is a little song.
628
01:20:33,620 --> 01:20:40,280
January the 1st, January the 2nd,
January the
629
01:20:40,280 --> 01:20:43,740
3rd, January... You'd rather have Moira
who?
630
01:20:44,300 --> 01:20:48,340
Should a body meet a body, I mean to do
the boy.
631
01:20:48,640 --> 01:20:52,660
If you dare to touch my body, I will
plant your eye.
632
01:20:53,690 --> 01:20:55,350
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank
you. Thank you.
633
01:20:55,610 --> 01:20:56,610
Thank you. Thank you.
48904
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