Original subtitles

Well, aren't you fancy?

Got a new webcam with better optics.

Kind of want to give it a try.

It's all about the optics with you, isn't it? Well, we have an hour before

have to be at Tyler and Carrie's.

That's right.

This robe is way too much clothing for you to be wearing.

And another masterpiece for the collection.

Wow, you look great, by the way.

Thank you.

I have to say, it makes me a little nervous to have those anywhere but in a

safe.

Why? I mean, we're married, and this is about as raw and honest as you can get.

Yeah, but we're not the only ones on those DVDs, honey.

Well, maybe they should get a little more honesty in their lives.

What do you mean?

Our friends all know what went down here. I mean, we were all there.

I'm just saying that sometimes there's a little more truth on camera than in

real life.

I don't even understand why you bothered to come home last night.

I mean...

The way you were hanging all over Tim, I thought you were going to leave the

party with him. Grow up, Tyler. I was doing it to make you jealous. Oh, that's

bullshit. I mean, you practically had your tongue in the guy's ear.

You know, and I'm going to hear about it on Monday from the entire sales

department. Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you were dirty

dancing a little with perky tips from shipping.

It's shipping and receiving.

I'm sure she's great at receiving.

You are amazing.

You practically spend the entire night in some other guy's lap, and then you

have the nerve to get upset at me because I say hi to a friend?

You're not allowed to have friends that don't wear bras.

So I'm supposed to tell Sam, hey, dude, put on a bra or we can't be friends.

Yes.

You know he has a collection of women's underwear that he parades around the

house in front of Lisa.

Come on, you know that's your fantasy.

Are you kidding?

Sexy underwear is about as comfortable as poison oak.

On second thought, maybe you and a lacy thong is my fantasy.

The itchier, the better.

I dare you.

You dare me?

Okay.

Only if it's the panties you have on right now.

These aren't laced or thong.

It's that or nothing.

You're such a weirdo.

Well, anything to part you from your panties.

On the floor.

You know...

I'm sorry about last night.

Me too.

Thank you.

Help!

Hi. Hey.

What's so funny?

I'm just picturing Sam in some lacy lingerie.

Come on, now. You would love to see that, wouldn't you? Not so much.

No, Lisa in some sexy underwear.

Ah.

The truth does come out, huh?

No wonder you like playing with Sam and Lisa so much.

Leave what you want. You will anyway.

That must be them.

You behave.

Hi. Hi.

How are you?

Are we the first ones here?

Brent and Alexis called and said they'd be a little late.

Oh, good.

We haven't seen them in a while. I think we make Brent a little nervous.

Well, he's a lawyer. What can you expect?

Come on, let's go to the pool.

Hey, Brent.

Good? Good.

Hey, by the way, I got this new HD camera for the better.

The optics on it are spectacular.

Oh, I guess we'll have to come over soon and try it out.

Oh, yeah, that's what I was hoping you'd say.

Just don't tell Carrie.

Hey, let her think it's her idea when we come over.

Always good, right? That's right.

Did I hear Carrie say that Brent and Alexis are coming?

Yeah, they should be here any minute.

Do you still partner in that law firm?

As far as I know.

Why? Yeah, he's just getting a little aggro about some of the tapes.

I just want to know how to deal with it.

Well, he hasn't been playing anyway, right?

Speak of the devil.

Hey, guys.

Hi. Thanks for inviting us, Carrie.

Oh, my gosh, it's been too long since we've seen you guys.

How is everything?

Busy, but in a good way. Yeah? Yeah.

Things are really happening for him at work.

I might finally get that new car I wanted. Right, honey? Well, we'll see.

Well, are you guys thirsty? There's drinks in the kitchen.

Oh, okay.

I'll get one. Okay. Yeah.

I'll give you a hand. I need a refill anyway.

You know, we really have missed you guys at the house.

I know.

Brent's been acting a little weird about the camera last time.

I'm going to talk him into going back.

I missed you guys.

Lisa won't mind, will she?

I mean, we play together all the time.

I don't think she'll mind.

I mean, she'll be a little jealous that she's not joining us, but I don't think

she'll mind.

Thank you.

I told you we missed you.

I know.

We do too.

That's

my

boy. Yeah?

Can I get some?

Of course you can.

Here you are.

Here, you can do it.

Okay.

Oh,

thank

you.

Yeah, no problem.

Yeah, you guys should come by the house this week. We'd love to see you.

Yeah, I'm really not so into the group thing these days.

I'd pretty much be fired if it ever got out.

Your private life is your private life.

But not when I'm representing big -name clients.

You know, actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about destroying the tapes

with me or Alexis on them.

Sure. Dude, whatever you want.

Oh, great.

I really appreciate it.

It's not that I don't want to hang out with you guys again.

Just can't afford to get caught, you know what I mean.

Yeah.

You know what you're missing, right?

Yeah, I know.

Good times.

Should I order some Thai food or something?

Nah, I'm not too hungry.

Brent asked me to destroy some discs anyway.

Destroy some discs.

Is that what you guys were talking about?

Yeah.

I know he's conservative as a stick in the mud, but he did ask me to do it.

Sam, what's wrong?

Somebody stole our sex tape.

Hey, guys.

Thanks for coming by and such. Sure, no problem. Come on.

Hey, guys.

Hi. Hey.

Well, I might as well get right at it.

When Lisa and I got home from the pool party, I went to pull the DVDs that you

asked me to destroy, but they weren't there.

None of them were.

I mean, the bag was completely missing.

A bag? You kept the discs in a bag?

Well, I meant to put them in the safe in our basement. I just haven't gotten

around to it. When were they taken, dude?

Well, we made a DVD this morning.

And when I put that one in the bag, the tapes were still there.

Thinking someone broke into the house while we were at your house today.

So how do you know somebody didn't just misplace the bag?

I found this on the desk.

$100 ,000 buys the tapes back.

You have three days before you become the next pay -per -view sensation.

Does somebody else know about the tapes?

People in this room are the only ones on them.

Sam, I can't be on the internet or pay -per -view or whatever. I'll be kicked

out of every club and charity group I belong to.

Charities are groups.

Brent's going to lose his job if this gets out.

Hey, I don't have access to $100 ,000.

I mean, I might be able to pull $10 ,000 by Monday, but we're strapped for cash.

And I just wrote a check on that pool. I mean, I'd be lucky if I could come up

with five on such short notice.

Do you have access to 85 grand? Are you fucking kidding me?

You're the asshole who lost the tapes, and now you want me to pay to get them

back? Brent, Brent, calm down, please.

Please. Sam, honey, would you get some more wine?

Guys, let's...

Nobody talks to me like that in my own house.

He's just scared, Sam.

That's all.

What are we gonna do?

We're gonna figure this thing out like adults.

Even if we pay the money?

There's no guarantee that we're going to get this back.

We're completely screwed.

Alexis, you're panicking.

All right, just relax.

This will all work out.

Really sorry about everything.

Sam really was about to destroy your discs.

Yeah, well, clearly he didn't get to it in time.

Dude, you act like it's all Sam's fault.

You're on those tapes. It's not like you're some innocent here.

Actually, I've only ever had sex with Alexis here.

Come on. Sam and Lisa's house are for players.

They invite you. You know you're having group sex.

Alexis liked to watch.

That's so funny.

You guys left for one bottle and came back with four.

I guess that means it's going to be a long night.

Well, the whole reason that we're all here tonight is to figure out where the

discs are and how we're going to get them back.

Okay, so how many DVDs were there?

There are 22 DVDs from this year.

Each one has about three hours of footage from various occasions.

And the previous years were in the safe, which is where I wanted these to go to.

Yeah, Sam, why weren't they locked up?

Because I like to watch them.

By yourself?

Dude, that's twisted.

Well, if Lisa would sit with me every now and then, but yeah, by myself.

Dude, why didn't you just ask me?

You serious?

Two dudes sitting around watching sex tapes, that's not twisted.

No, because I'm your best friend and I've never seen myself in action.

By a camera.

Not a chance.

So when you realized they were gone, why don't you just call the cops?

Well, because you guys are pretty much the only ones that know about it, which

means that you're the first ones the cops would question.

I guess I just tried to give us a chance to figure it out.

Well, what's your figure? I mean, some perv broke in the house and stole them.

And left a ransom note for them.

I mean, we're not dealing with just some perv here. I mean, there's no sign of

forced entry.

You all know the code to the building to get in, and you know where we keep our

spare key. I mean, let's start from there.

So now you're accusing one of us of taking the tapes.

That's bullshit.

Lisa, I'm sorry your house got broken into and that the DVDs were taken.

Especially since my social life could be majorly affected.

But I'm not going to sit here and be a part of this whodunit witch hunt.

Carrie.

Are you coming?

No.

This is just getting interesting.

You're such a jerk. Give me the keys.

No, sit down, Carrie. I think I'm going to enjoy watching everybody squirm.

She'll probably hitch and probably make me feel bad when she gets kidnapped.

Dude.

I'm kidding.

She'll just go outside, pace back and forth until I take her home, getting

and more pissed off until I would be a fool to even go near her.

What kind of a dick?

Yeah, that's why she loves him.

I think he's got a thing for your wife, dude.

He's an idiot.

Because she'd eat him alive.

Hello, I'm right here.

Yeah, and your man just left with my woman.

When are we going to get the DVDs, Sam?

What are you hiding, Alexis?

Same things you are.

Going after your woman?

Nope.

You?

No, they'll be back.

Yeah.

Hey, why don't you grab yourself a glass of wine?

Like you said, this is going to get interesting.

Thanks for taking me home, Brent. That was nice of you.

But I probably should get back. I don't want to keep you from Alexis.

Well, that's a bummer.

Why?

Well, the only reason I went to family is to see you.

That makes me sound like a stalker.

Sorry about that.

I'm really not.

It's just the first time I met you.

I thought you were the most beautiful woman in the room, and I just wanted to

know you.

Wow. No one has ever said anything like that to me.

Kind of makes me want to kiss you.

Again.

Hey, there you are.

We were getting word.

We?

We who?

Not Alexis.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about how she can't take her eyes off of you when you're in the

room. How she shoots daggers at me when she thinks I'm not looking.

You have any affair with her, Sam?

Oh, where'd this come from?

Don't play games with me.

Are you sleeping with Alexis when I'm not in the room?

Listen, we agreed a long time ago that we wouldn't have sex without each other

being in the same room at the same time.

I've always kept up my end of the bargain on that.

And what if I don't believe you?

Well, the proof's in the tapes now, isn't it?

Yeah, somebody stole them.

Was it you?

Conveniently place them somewhere else and pretend that they're lost?

Goddamn. You really can be a jerk when you want to be.

How do I know you didn't take them to hide the evidence of your infidelity and

fleece your friends out of some money?

Oh yeah, because that's exactly how I wanted to spend this evening.

Fighting with you and every single one of my other friends over something that

was supposed to be a fun way to change things up.

Wow.

Sam, what's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

I think it's time for everyone to leave.

You're the one that called us all here, dude. I know.

And it was a mistake, okay?

We're not any closer than uncovering any information about the DVDs, and I'm

just tired of all this fucking bullshit, okay?

Finally, Brent's back.

David, what can I do for you?

Is this yours, Mr. Landry?

Where'd you find this? In the dumpster behind the building.

It is yours, right?

Yeah.

Has there been a crime committed, Mr. Landry? Is there something I need to

report to the police? No, no.

Not at all, David.

I probably just threw it out by accident.

Thanks for bringing it back. I appreciate it.

It was empty when you found it, right? There wasn't a thing inside.

Is everything okay, Mr. Landry?

Yeah, everything's fine, David.

Thanks again for bringing it back.

And have a good night.

You too.

This is the bag I kept the DVD in.

Couldn't we have the police dust it off for fingerprints or something?

Holy shit, don't be an idiot.

Fingerprints won't stay on fabric.

I'll be right back.

What are you doing?

David, the security guy, found this bag in the dumpster behind the building.

Any idea how it got there?

That's the bag the DVDs were in.

How'd the bag get in the dumpster, Lisa?

How do I know? Why didn't you ask your thief?

What are we going to do about this?

I thought you had a plan to find out the truth.

Yeah, well, that was under the expectation that everybody would be

Hmm, how's that working out for you?

I'm not joking, Lisa.

Well, clearly.

What if the DVDs get out?

And isn't that what everyone else has been saying?

You know, Sam, don't you think it's time that you started being honest, too?

Carrie's coming back.

I didn't know she'd gone.

Well, I guess Brett gave her a ride home.

He did?

Where's Sam?

He's freaking out in the media room.

Where are you going, Alexis?

I was just going to see if Sam needs anything.

Got that covered. Don't worry.

You can sit your ass back down.

Or leave. I don't care.

Getting a little feisty, huh, Lisa?

Well, I guess it just pisses me off when someone comes into my house looking for

sex with my man.

Kind of makes you want to leave him, doesn't it?

Actually, it kind of makes me want revenge.

Carrie. Yeah?

I think you're amazing.

Brent, I'm going to be completely honest when I say I have no idea what's going

to happen when we go in there.

Yeah, I get it.

I just want you to know how I felt.

I had a really good time tonight.

Good.

Are you ready?

Right now, nothing can touch me.

Where are Tyler and Lisa?

They're there.

What do you mean, together?

The same together you guys have obviously been.

Well, that's a whole lot of hypocrisy coming from you, lady.

Did we miss something?

I think you've missed about six months of something, Brent.

Or maybe you should ask Alexis about all the times you've been over here and

she's disappeared for 10 or 15 minutes.

What is she talking about?

Lisa thinks I'm having an affair with Sam.

Are you? Of course not.

Well, then why would she think that?

I have no idea. You have to ask her.

What is Alexis talking about?

Um, she's a little crazy.

I'm not crazy.

I saw you kissing Lisa in front of me like she was going to strip down and

you right there on the spot.

Really? Oh, come off it, Carrie.

Look at you. You look like the cat that ate the cream, and you're going to throw

judgment about Tyler?

Lisa, just stay out of this. This has nothing to do with you.

Nothing to do with me.

Alexis just said that your boyfriend nailed me, and that has nothing to do

me? You know, Lisa, I think there's... Shut up, Tyler.

You know, at this point, I don't even care what happens to those DVDs. They

be broadcast on the news for all that matters to me.

Brent, you're really sweet, but you're way too nice and conservative for me.

And you deserve much better than her, too.

Good luck, and if I were you, I'd stay the hell away from all these people.

Um, if any of you two guys need a place to stay...

Let me know, okay?

Damn. I said stay away from him, bitch. Lisa.

Do you really need to talk to her that way?

Uh, Brent, you're a nice guy, but you're pathetic.

The fact that you don't realize that your wife has been cheating on you just

makes me feel sad for you.

And the fact that it's been with my husband makes her a bitch. So, yeah, I

have to talk to her that way.

No, actually, you don't.

I told you there was no affair with Sam.

But you think you're so right, you don't care who you hurt. Are you kidding me?

I know you two have been having sex on your own. I've seen the tapes to prove

it. Bullshit.

You never watched the tapes with me.

Well, I just did.

And what I saw was pretty conclusive evidence that you and Alexis are having

affair.

She did?

You want to see the tape?

You want to see what I saw?

Wait, how does she have a tape?

That's enough.

No, it isn't, actually. I think you really need to see this.

Oh.

So were those DVDs ever missing, or did you just call us over here for this

nightmare to stir up all this shit?

Oh, she stole them.

I found them where you hid them, you bastard.

And then what, you're just going to walk off with my $85 ,000 in the process?

Well, hold on. How'd the bag get in the dumpster anyway?

I threw it out after I found this tape.

Where are the rest of the DVDs?

I don't know. I wanted to ask David's security guard.

The bag was full when I chucked it, except for this one.

Well, where is he? We have to get those DVDs back.

Oh, Brent, you really are a piece of work.

Will you get off his back?

Talk about piece of work.

I can't believe you let us believe into thinking that the DVDs were stolen.

And I can't believe that you stood there and lied to my face about sleeping with

my husband.

What a bitch.

Will you please take me home, Brent?

We'll talk about what comes next later.

Right now, I just want to get out of here. Let's go.

And I don't know what the purpose of all this was.

But either you get those DVDs back or I'll see you both in court.

Oh, it's all the bullshit.

That would mean you have to admit that you actually did something, you little

bitch.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.