Original subtitles

Hey, that was a quick run. Yeah, I got a cramp.

I heard some noises in here, though. What are you doing?

Putting you in the shower?

Not alone, I hope.

Not the way you look in those shorts.

You're hard to resist, you know that.

You know you wouldn't even if you could.

Thank you.

Oh.

Thank you.

I thought you were off.

Where are you going?

I promised Kara I'd go for a drink with her.

I can't convince you to stay here and be ravished?

Only one ravishment a day for me at the moment.

Since when?

Since you need to find a job and stop fooling around.

Oh, you're going to go there, huh?

You're going to really go there?

Bye.

Love you.

Love you, too.

Oh, my God.

You scared the crap out of me.

I thought you'd be out with the guys tonight.

Why would you think that?

I don't know. I just figured... Whatever. Did you eat?

No.

Do you want me to make you something?

Where did you go today?

I already told you. I was with Kara.

Oh, that's right. Kara.

Do you want me to make you a sandwich?

It's funny. Her husband told me she's out of town on a business trip.

You checked up on me?

Who's EMB?

What are you talking about?

Really? Then it's a pretty personal text message from a stranger then.

Now you're just being paranoid.

I mean, come on now. It could be anything. A wrong number.

Yeah, you're right. It could be.

It is. Trust me.

I don't think I can do that.

Why? I already told you that text message has nothing to do with me.

Maybe not.

But this does.

Thank you.

Bye -bye.

Not to tell me who the fuck that is.

Why? It's not like you'd hate him anyway.

What's that supposed to mean?

I'm the man in this relationship.

I do everything.

You haven't worked in months.

I pay all the bills. I cook.

I do everything. I pull your weight all the time.

God, if I'm going to be the man, I might as well act like one too.

Get the fuck out of my house.

Fine. Now.

You're an ass.

I'd rather be an asshole than a fool.

What's up?

Hey, um, will you take a picture of me, please?

I can't find a good one for my fake friends profile.

Can I wake up first?

Come on, you're up already.

It's not like it's that early or anything.

Marissa, anything before noon is the ask I get on to me.

Come on, please.

Fine, give me the camera.

Yay. Okay, hold on.

Okay.

Hold on.

I wasn't ready.

Hey you.

You don't knock?

Why? Got a key.

Because I could be naked or in bed with someone.

I could be clipping my toenails or something.

Yeah, that's gross.

First off, you don't have sex, and you probably don't even get naked in the

shower, so there's nothing to worry about.

That's what you think.

Yeah. Is Chloe here?

She's in her room.

I wouldn't go in there if I were you. She's in a bitchy mood.

Maybe I could soothe the beast.

Oh, did you know Paul and Leslie broke up?

Who? Paul.

Paul Morris, the guy you've been lusting after since high school.

I have not been lusting after Paul.

Besides, he's your friend, not mine.

Um, so why'd they break up anyway?

Apparently, she cheated on him.

Chloe, time for your wake -up call.

She cheated on you, huh?

Let's see what we can find.

Hey, Chloe, wake up.

Why?

Because you want me.

Do not.

Do you, too?

I love you now.

Because you're getting wet just thinking about it.

I know.

Oh, yeah.

See?

So what are you going to do about it?

Ooh, yes.

Thank you.

You're going to need it.

Thank you.

Hey. How come you're friends with Leslie?

Oh, you're on face friends.

Uh, because I'm friends with Paul.

Well, don't you think you should remove yourself from our friends list?

Um, don't you think you should stop worrying about my life and start working

your own social life?

You know, most brothers wouldn't want their sisters to date.

Most brothers don't have to deal with their sister's bitchiness when they

get laid.

Oh, my God. Stay out of my social life.

Get one, and I will.

Jerk.

Who is?

My brother.

Well?

Hey.

I just want to check my friend request.

I sent a request out to all my ex -boyfriends. It's a good way to see if

still mad at me.

Are you serious?

Sure.

I figure if they accept my friend request, they're probably over the fact

cheated on them. And they might be good for a lay now and then.

Does my brother know you do this?

What? Have sex?

I mean with other guys.

Well, it's not like we promised each other anything, you know?

Wow.

Nope.

They must still be mad.

Hey, who's that?

An old friend.

An old friend?

Or an old friend.

Right.

Relax, I don't like teasing.

I know you're not into guys.

What makes you say that?

Well, I've never seen a guy over here. I just assumed you batted for the other

team.

Well, I don't.

It's not a bad thing.

It's not a thing. Oh, my God.

Nice, Pat.

Thanks.

Nice springs.

Here.

Um, do you want something to drink?

Sure. Do you have any whiskey?

Uh, no, but I have beer.

Then I'll take beer.

Go.

All right.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thanks.

Let's build it.

Cheers.

Cheers.

So, you're a musician?

You met me on stage, right?

Right. I'm sorry.

I don't normally bring home guys from the club. Sorry.

Because?

I don't know. It's just not something that I do. It's just kind of...

Trampy?

Just kidding.

Oh, you're worried.

I think you're going to be a slut.

No, because I'm not.

I'm not.

I'm not.

This isn't my normal thing.

You just trying it out or?

Sort of.

All right.

Well, I guess I could be your guinea pig, but I think you have to step your

up a little.

What do you mean?

Well, you're coming on me pretty hot and heavy at the club, and here I am, so I

don't think now's the time to be all shy and innocent.

I'm not innocent.

But are you wild?

Wild?

Baby, I'm about to rock your world, and the more sluttier you are, the more.

You're pretty sure of yourself aren't you?

Why not?

I don't know

Hello?

Yeah.

Bye.

You drank a lot of coffee.

You're welcome.

Better.

Now, who's the hot naked guy on the couch?

Yes, you're right. He's totally hot on the couch.

And naked.

So, what is it? My birthday. Christmas, Valentine's Day.

You've never been a good gift giver, but that's pretty much perfect.

Not for you.

Of course he's for me, if he's naked and male and looks like that.

No,

you didn't.

That's not possible. You don't even like guys.

Huh?

Says who?

Is there any coffee?

Oh, sweet.

Thanks, babe.

Hey, who drinks black coffee?

Here, try some of mine.

Sweet. That's what I like.

Thanks.

Thanks for coming over, man.

No problem, dude. That's what friends are for.

You know what the funny thing about loyalty is?

Hmm?

You take it for granted, and you assume the other person's being loyal, too.

And then it bites you in the ass.

Damn.

How'd you find out? She cheated on you.

She left her fucking cell phone at the house.

I just happened to be there when a bastard texted her.

Fuck. Do you know who it is?

No.

Guy looking for a phone book?

Looking for any guy with the initials E and B.

But the thing is, what guy's first name starts with an E?

Emerson?

Elliot?

Emerson? I mean, those are sissy names.

I don't know, man.

I mean,

how could you leave me for a guy with a sissy name?

I don't know, man.

Are you sure it's a guy?

Oh, considering he wants to mouth around us a cock? Yeah.

Fuck, dude. I'm sorry.

Sorry, man.

And you want to know the worst thing about it?

I'm not working because of her.

She doesn't want me taking the non -union jobs.

She said it doesn't pay full wage.

But everyone knows the guy who takes non -union jobs... and bust his butt is the

first one they hire.

And she has the balls to tell me I'm a deadbeat loser.

Fuck, dude, she called you that?

Not exactly those words, but yeah, she said it.

You know what, man? You need to get back on the horse.

Not like I was off the horse. I was pushed off.

Yeah, well, off is off, and you need to get laid for paybacks, if nothing else.

I'm open to suggestions.

Oh, you ever try that online shit?

Like internet dating?

No fucking way, man. That's how I met Leslie in the first place.

No, no, not like that. Social networking.

Marissa's always on Facebook, looking for old friends.

Marissa's your sister?

Yeah, yeah. How's she doing?

She's doing all right. Living with some crazy chick, but I don't think she ever

got over that crush she had on you.

She never had a crush on me.

Bullshit. Why do you think we never went to my house?

Sitting there always staring at you everywhere you went. Can't have that

to me. I never knew that.

Yeah. Well, remember that whole loyalty and trust thing we were just talking

about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. Don't worry about it.

Gotcha. Yeah.

My sister, off limits, bro.

Well, then who's on?

I can't believe it.

Her tits act funny.

My friend's ex -girlfriend.

Is that your friend?

Looks really familiar.

No, it's the guy she was cheating with.

Poor bastard.

Yeah, isn't he?

There's nothing you can do about saggy tits.

Seriously? You think that guy's the poor bastard?

Yeah. She and your friend broke up, right?

So she's leaning on the new guy for comfort. And what started out as a total

secret fling...

It's not nothing but saggy tit baggage.

You really don't see a problem with cheating on someone, do you?

Not if at least you people are consenting, I don't.

So whatever the third person may think, doesn't matter to you?

No, not really.

I don't get cheated on.

Why is that?

I don't get involved.

Not even with my brother?

Look, Marissa, your brother's cute and all, and he's a great fuck.

But is he the love of my life?

No.

Well, how do you know if you never get involved?

Fireworks.

Huh? There'll be fireworks when I kiss him. I'll know.

Oh, my God.

You're out of your mind.

Where are you going?

To take a shower. I feel like I've just been slimed.

broken -hearted, cheating girlfriend.

I have the perfect Naughty North outfit to cure that broken heart.

Hey, I saw Paul today.

You did?

How is he?

Uh, he's bitter.

He says hi, though.

You should call him.

No.

No, I shouldn't. I shouldn't call him.

What do you mean?

You're the one that's always saying I should get to socialize. Yeah, but not

with my friends, so, no.

Are you serious?

Yeah, it's like I told Paul.

There's a certain loyalty and trust thing. You just don't mess around with

friends, so.

He's not my friend.

I know, but I'm your brother, and I say don't. So no, no.

Anyway,

is Chloe home?

She went out to some costume party or something.

Ooh.

Would have liked to help her get into the sexy outfits of hers.

See you later.

Hi, Paul.

I'm sorry, do I know you?

I'm Marissa's roommate.

She told me about your broken heart, and I'm here to fix it.

Marissa? Marissa Burke?

She's dead, sir.

Not exactly.

But here I am.

Here, you do the wine.

So, if you know Melissa, then you must know Mike too, huh?

Mike, yeah.

He can vouch for me if you want to make sure I'm not some wacko off the street.

Take off your shirt and lie on the couch.

I don't think we really need to.

Has anyone ever told you you have an amazing back?

No.

Well, you do.

You've got muscles in all the right places.

It's perfect for push -ups, and bear hugs, and missionary -style sex.

Personally, I'm a fan of reverse cowgirl.

But you have a build that can make missionary sex interesting.

Although, any effect would be interesting with firework.

Chloe.

I'm ready to be an adult.

That was amazing, wasn't it?

Mm -hmm.

Aren't you glad I'm here?

Mm -hmm.

One thing, though.

From the email, I thought Marissa was coming over.

Oh, that.

I used her account to send an email.

Does she know?

No. She'd probably go ballistic if she did. She's very protective of you. She

is? Mm -hmm.

Let's not talk about Marissa. Let's talk about us.

I'm sorry, dude.

Bastard. Yeah.

Paul, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened.

Especially today.

If it makes you feel any better, I really want to kill my brother right

Nah. Not even worth it.

It's not, is it?

Mike said something the other day.

Doctor cut his tongue out, too.

Nah, he won't be seeing much for a while.

Not after that punch he took.

Oh, my God, Paul.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

Well, you should put some ice on this.

With some antibiotic ointment. I mean, who knows what kind of infectious

diseases my brother has.

Mike said you used to have a crush on me in high school.

No.

Not used to.

I still do.

Really?

Me too

There

you

are What are you doing with my man?

Your man?

Oh, don't even pretend like we didn't have fireworks last night, Polly.

Polly?

Last night?

My life's a nightmare.

It's about to be a nightmare if you don't get off that couch and come over

me. Look, Chloe, you're a really sweet girl.

But last night, well, it was just last night.

It won't happen again.

Hold on.

Do you two mind telling me how you even know each other?

Yes. I used your account to send him a message because I wanted to meet him.

What's the big deal?

Chloe, you need to leave my house.

I'm not going anywhere.

No, you need to leave right now.

How dare you invade my privacy?

Invade what privacy?

You don't even have a life.

Chloe, get out or I'm calling the cops.

I'm not leaving.

This is Marissa's house. If she wants you to go, you need to go.

Are you seriously taking her side right now?

Fine.

But don't expect me to pay for any of the phone bill.

And I've been having phone sex to Australia.

A lot.

I'm really sorry, Marissa.

To lying, cheating friends.

May they rot in hell.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I will be.

As soon as she gets all her crap out of my house and I get my life back in

order. I know the feeling.

You do, don't you?

Yeah.

Well, about last night.

Don't.

Don't. I don't even want to know.

It was a mistake.

Well, that's nice to hear.

I really thought you were coming over.

Well, I'm here now.

Yeah, you're right.

Me too.

Let's go see what we can do with his hand.

Yeah, we don't need them.

That's for sure.