Original subtitles

Invader Zim Battle of the Planets s01e13 (s03e07_s03e08)

Subtitles: Ainee

Welcome, planetary conversion team!

Welcome to Blorch, the latest edition to the Irken empire

and most importantly the first planet to fall victim to our latest effort at

universal conquest: Operation Impending Doom 2!

Almighty Tallest rocks!

Now, we erase the remaining organics on Blorch,

paving the way for... I dunno, maybe a... parking structure planet?

Yeah! Parking structure planet!

But first, we'd like to acknowledge the contribution of one very special

soldier, without whom this victory and those surely to come

wouldn't be possible!

Invader Zim!

You see, if Zim hadn't been exiled to the far reaches of the galaxy,

he would be here, with us, ruining everything!

And we all remember how he messed up Operation Impending Doom 1!

Am I right? - I don't...

Seize that guy! And uh... throw him out the airlock!

That was the wrong guy, but... that's okay!

I think everyone gets the point, hm? - So let's give a big cheer for...

...Invader Zim, for being so far away!

Invader Zim rocks!

Quiet everybody, quiet! We have a little surprise for you.

It looks like we're getting a report from Zim right now!

Transfer to the main viewscreen!

Well, thank you! How very well deserved of me!

Invader Zim reporting in, sirs.

Yes... Greetings, Zim! Keeping busy, it looks like...

...doing us proud! - Thank you, thank you.

Yes, yes I am. I'm in a bear suit!

Please, enough! Following Invader Protocol, I've sent

probes out to the surrounding planets to check them for potential use.

Scans from a planet named "Mars" are intriguing. You can expect a full

report when I have more information.

Thank you... Invader Zim!

Without your efforts out there, the entire operation would...

Yes, yes it would.

Let's hear it for Zim!

Idiot.

Trully I am amazing. How can they not cheer

the very site of my progress?

Still, I am becoming impatient with my incredibly subtle

infiltration of this planet, and am growing ever hungrier to be

the destruction of the humans. Destruction is nice!

All ranged space probes have returned.

Excellent timing! Begin data download.

Accessing data from Mars Probes.

Some of this landscape looks unnatural... as though nature was

not involved in its formation. But the sensors show no life forms.

Whatever wiped out these "Mars-oids" must have truly been incredible.

Incredible enough maybe to assist in my annihilation of the humans?

GIR?!

GIR!

GIR! Meet me in the lodge hangar!

I gotta go pig. I'll see ya later!

I gotta go pig. I'll see ya later!

We're going to Mars!

Are we there yet?

The camera stations have been there for years, Agent Darkbootie.

But when they didn't find any life after the first week

NASAplace gave up on them. But I haven't. Look what I found.

This is what one of the camera stations looks like.

This one was taken a couple of nights ago. Look up here.

NASAplace says this is a thumbprint.

That is no thumbprint!

You've done well, Agent Mothman. But the Swollen Eyeball

needs conclusive evidence before finding anything

that's confirmed alien activity.

Let me know if you find more. Darkbootie out.

Get off my head, GIR. I have a good feeling

about this lead. I can almost taste the humans being destroyed.

It's delicious! This 'Mars' holds the key. I just know it!

New words of praise will have to be invented so they can pre...

Get off my head!

The taste of impending human annihilation grows

stronger in my 'amazing' head.

Now, lets find out what destroyed the people who built this ugly thing.

It's broken.

Dad! As a man of science you at least have to admit

that this picture shows something freaky and of some spooky alien origin.

I'll say it again. Those stations haven't been monitored for

one simple reason. There are no aliens.

None able to travel to massive distance to our planet anyhow.

You've been watching those transmissions since you were

a baby with an enormous head. It's time to move on, son.

Real science. Try it!

What was that?

GIR, come here!

Zim!

This is pointless, GIR! This planet's a rock!

A useless wasteland.

Whoever they were they left no sign of what wiped them out.

They just left these stupid structures here to taunt me.

I hate them! And I hope they d...!

- Yeah. - I can see up his nose.

This means more time on earth with a stench of humanity.

Filthy humans!

What is that sound?

GIR!

Dad! Gaz! Come see this!

- Please. No more foolishness, son! - Your voice is stupid!

Welcome pilot! How ya doin'?

Who are you? What is all this?

I am all that is left of my people, an interactive instruction manual

for the incredible vassel you are now affilament.

Your people were instruction manuals?

- Vessel? This thing's a ship? - My people work themselves

into extinction converting our planet into a navigall space vessel.

Using similar technology tested and proven on another, nearby planet.

- What other planet? - That's not important right now.

- Another planet? - Why would you do all that?

Because it's cool.

The Invader behind this important first victory is...

Invader... Skoodge?

This can't be right! That can not be the poster boy

for Irken galactic conquest! He's so... short!

And ugly. I mean, look at him.

Greetings, my Tallest! As the invader responsible for this planet's downfall,

I get to launch the traditional final cannon sweep. Right?

- Yeah... - So that no Irken foot has

to come into contact with any unsafe or alien filth!

Yeah. Well, there's a new tradition now.

- Man, you're ugly. - And short.

The new tradition is that you get to be launched

as part of the cannon sweep!

That's right. In you go.

Commence organic sweep!

You! Your name is now Skoodge, conquerer of Blorch.

Remember... the time Zim called us, and he was...

he was covered from head to foot in meat?

Yeah, the meat ended up fusing to his flesh and...

and he almost went blind when it invaded his eye sockets!?

- Meat! - Meat!

It's Zim, it's him. Hold on, hold on.

Shh! Stop it!

Greetings, Tallests! I bring more evidence of my unbelievable skills.

- More evidence? - Yes! I've made an exciting

discovery. The planet Mars is actually a giant spaceship

built by floating heads. I am going to fly it to Earth

where I will roll it around on the surface, squishing all the Earth life

and leaving it free for us to conquer without resistance.

Prepare the fleets, for I will be firing the first falling of Earth's

organic sweep tomorrow! Invader Zim signing off!

I have to stop him!

Where are you going at this hour?

You know...

- To save the Earth? - Yes.

My poor insane son.

Dooropenoritstheen doftheworldweregonnadurr...

Was that the... crazy ... UFO kid?

Yep.

- Oh no, Dib. - I know what you're gonna say,

but you have to believe me this time! Mars is a giant

spaceship and it's being piloted by an alien...

Is this that... Zig you always talk about?

Zim! He's activated the face on Mars and now he's flying

the whole planet like some horrible...

Wow, this sounds really stupid. Doesn't it?

Anyhow, the floating head said that there was another planet

and that they modified it with giant engines.

- We have to find out which one! - Alright, let me get this straight....

- He's flying... What's he flying? - There, look! You can see him

on the Martian camera feeds!

Sorry, kid. Since they got the funding we're not even

allowed to look at those monitors.

It's... I think it's an asteroid!

It's huge! And it's heading straight for us!!!

It's Zim! Just look at the screens!

Okay. Do we have to go through the whole "funding" thing again?

People of Earth, prepare to taste the mighty foot of my planet!

I'm Zim, I'm squishing out all life!

I believe you. I think I can help you.

What're you gonna do? Clean me?

The other planet you mentioned, the one you said was also fitted

with the giant engines? It can only be Mercury!

There! The butt on Mercury! A lesser known structure

than the face on Mars, but one just as mysterious.

Yes! That's it. Now, how do I get to the butt?

- What is it? - It's an old monkey ship

from back in the days when they used to shoot monkeys into space.

- You can still smell the monkey. - Does it still work?

I've done all the repairs myself.

Why would you help me? Nobody ever helps me.

Lets just say... my eyes are swollen.

Agent Darkbootie?!?

This is taking too long! I told the Tallest to bring

the fleet tomorrow! At this rate we won't be done with our

destroying by then! There must be some boosters...

Here! Hold onto something, GIR!

That sounded like... No. It couldn't be.

We're all doomed! Doomed!

Hey! We're all doomed, remember?

Now! Slowing to squishing speed!

Not while I'm around, Zim! Don't tell me you actually

thought you'd win this! - You horrible interfering Dib!

Taste the mighty doom of my moons!

You shouldn't have interfered with a superior force, Dib.

You'd have been better off just staying on your planet and getting

squished just like everybody else.

Well, you shouldn't have bothered coming to Earth,

because I'll stop you at every turn.

GIR! Go take care of the Earth-boy.

What's this do? What's that do?

What's this do? What's that do?...

Maybe that little robot isn't such a bad evil minion after all.

What's that dooo?

Hey! Go away!

Okey-dokey!

Let's see if you have the piloting skills to maneuver

through the asteroid belt, feeble Dib thing!

That's just stupid.

Look at that cowardly human! We'll see who's stupid when...

You might as well head back to your home planet, Zim.

I've recorded this whole thing. Irrefutable proof of your existence.

There's no way you can...

That little robot! He took my cameras! No!

It's Zim. Are you ready for this?

I...I just started breathing again from the last one.

Mission accomplished, my Tallest. I have rid

this solar system of planet Mars.

I thought you were trying to destroy the Earth.

Oh yes... that... You heard wrong.

This time I was trying to get rid of Mars. You know,

just a little warm-up before I destroy the humans.

Yeah, see, I'll do Earth next. I'm an unstoppable death machine,

you know. Well, Invader Zim, signing off.

Unstoppable death machine!

Did he say, "unstoppable death machine"?

He needs a little warm-up!

A warm-up, a warm-up.

Please, please, did he say, "unstoppable death machine?"

Subtitles: Ainee

I'm in a bear suit!