Original subtitles

Invader Zim Door to Door s01e11A (s03e03)

Subtitles: Ainee and Andy

Then!

Add a card to represent the overworked educational system.

Now! Add the dead weight of students like you.

So, you can see, children, that our whole society is

nothing more than a perilous house of cards.

Destined to collapse under its own weight.

Dib! The warranty on your desk has run out.

Get a replacement from the pile!

Yes, m'am.

Well, children, as you know, the desk budget for this year

has run out.

But the school board is giving you a chance to lessen your misery.

Lights!

Word up, kids! This is Poop Dawg,

the Poop Cola gangsta clown with a little fund-raiser!

Do you wanna go baggin' with the monies?

What does that mean?

Then check this box of Poop Cola candy!

It's the great taste of Poop Cola,

wrapped in a layer of chocolate badness!

Every bar you sell earns money for your school.

But what's in it for you?

Prizes, prizes, prazizes!

Sell a hundred bars and you'll win a...

...adhesive medical strips.

Sell a thousand, you'll win a crash helmet.

Sell ten thousand, you'll win an electro scooter.

At five hundred thousand you'll get a hover craft.

Plus a helmet. Plus a box of...

...adhesive medical strips.

Garbage!

That hovercraft is a joke of engineering and that helmet

would never protect your brain from lasers.

But if you all think you's all somet'in with the top sellies,

and... wit... I can't do this...

Cuuut!

The top prize is something your b-b-b-brain won't believe.

Nonsense.

It's so amazing, it's a secret.

Secret?!

What are you hiding, dawg man?

Tell me! Tell meee!

Good luck my fellow poop slices.

Warning: candy made entirely of saw dust.

Secret? Yes, of course. But what could it be?

What? What? I must posses the secret prize.

Miss Bitters? Why don't they take the money they spent

on candy and prizes and use it to buy desks?

That answer wasn't in the video.

Fundraising!

Children!

Then that horrible man-dawg hybrid taunted us

by not revealing the secret prize.

It must be something of unimaginable power, GIR.

Hey, Zim! I sold a whole box at my dad's lab.

Beat that!

So, you're trying to beat me to the prize, is that it?

Just more proof of its strategic value.

The only reason I'm selling this dirt in a wrapper,

is to watch you fail at something else, Zim!

I can sell these horrible candies better than any human.

Just watch!

Why is his head so biiig!

Why is his head so biiig?!

Just follow my lead.

Please, m'am. If you don't buy my candy,

my little brother will go insane.

Good heaven! He's worse than I thought.

Please, of course I'll buy some candy.

Mhm, that's the saw dust.

She only bought one of these horrible things.

You'll just have to try harder, GIR!

I don't understand.

Today has been a horrible failure.

GIR! Don't eat that filth!

It is the key to the mystery of the prize.

The mystery of the prize.

This miserable Earth sun. Even ... minor didn't orbit

such a horrible star. So hot!

Zim!

Zim!

I have come for you.

What is this? Who are you?

I am...

Who are you?

I am...

Who are you?

I am Poop Dwag, the gangsta spectre of defeat

people of ... And you will never win

the mystery prize, fool!

What is this miraculous prize thing?

I ain't tellin', yo.

Does it defy the laws of time and space?

Can it alter the minds of sentient beings?

Is it the key to controlling all mankind?

The prize will never be yours, Zim!

So say the gangsta spectre of defeat.

I will not give up!

Poop Dawg!

Never!

Yo!

Geez, Zim! I haven't even done anything to you yet!

Get out of here, gangster of defeat!

Be gone with you.

Man, Zim! Defeat's made you crazy.

Of course. That has been my mistake along.

I've been trying to sell like a miserable human.

GIR!

Yes, my lord!

I will use inferior human fundraising technics no longer!

Now watch as I unleash the full power of Irken persuasion.

I'm gonna be sick!

Human residents! I have come selling candy!

I am selling candy for your local school.

And you will buy some.

W-we don't want none of your government candy.

We don't want none of your government candy.

Yes, you do.

Now! See a world in which you do not buy

my delicious treats.

All that you know and love lies in ruins.

Horrible!

I just wanted a school desk of my own.

This horrible tragedy can be prevented.

If and only if you surrender your money to me.

And buy my candy!

Pleaseee! For the children.

We'll buy your candy! We'll buy your candy!

We'll buy your candy! We'll buy your candy!

We'll buy your candy! We'll buy... we'll buy your candy!

Just stop this horrifying future from ever happening.

Yes! Witness my victory, poop beast!

Children, your performance was miserable.

Your parents will all receive phone calls instructing them

to love you less now.

But, in a shocking display of school spirit,

Dib, has come in first, by selling one hundred candy bars.

Congratulations, you win a...

...adhesive medical strips.

First place!

Take that, space boy!

Hey! Where's Zim?

I am here, Dib worm.

And I have sold over 1.2 million revolting candy units!

I am prepared to receive the power of the mystery prize.

Give to Zim!

Well, this is never happened before.

Zim, your prize is...

Your prize is...

...nothing! There's no mystery prize!

They just made it up to make kids work harder

for no money.

As a consolation... ...here's some tuna.

Curse you, Poop Dawg! Curse youuuu!

Subtitles: Ainee and Andy