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Invader Zim
The Nightmare Begins
s01e01 (s01e01_s01e02)
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00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:06,000
Subtitles: Ainee
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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,000
Welcome to your doom,
foolish Earthling!!! o.O
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00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,800
Welcome, brave
Irken soldiers.
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Welcome to Conventia,
the convention hall planet.
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00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:57,200
Please, proceed to
the docking ring
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00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,900
and take the complimentary
teleporters to the planet's surface!
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00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:17,600
Be sure to visit the gift shop for
all kinds of cheap, useless stuff!
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00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:19,900
If you're here for
The Great Assigning,
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00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:22,700
please remember where
you parked and proceed
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00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:24,900
to the main
convention hall.
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00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:36,300
Galactic conquest
is here!
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Now, wiggle your
antennae in salute,
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00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,800
because here
they are!
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Your all-knowing,
all-powerful leaders,
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the Almighty Tallest!
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00:02:18,700 --> 00:02:21,400
Thank you!
Thank you!
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00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,400
See, told you they'd
love the lasers.
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00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,300
Everything is
lasers with you!
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00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:27,700
I'm telling you,
smoke machines
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are what the
people really...
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00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:33,900
See?
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Welcome mighty
Irken soldiers!
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00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:43,100
You are the finest
examples of military training
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00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:45,600
the Irken army
has to offer!
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00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,900
Good for you.
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00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:51,000
Standing behind us,
however, are the soldiers
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00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,200
we've chosen for roles in
one of the most crucial parts
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00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,700
of operation
"Impending Doom 2"!
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00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,000
You in the audience
just get to sit and watch.
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You should
have tried harder!
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These superior ones, not quite
as superior as us of course!
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Duh! These less superior than
us but still quite superior soldiers
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00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:20,600
will each be assigned
to an enemy planet!
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00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:24,800
There, you will blend in with
the hideous native inhabitants.
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00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,500
All while gathering
crucial information,
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assessing the planet's
weaknesses,
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making it vulnerable to
our big... space ship... gang!
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The armada?
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00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:41,100
Now, let The
Assigning begin!
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00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,200
Step forward,
Invader Larb.
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00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,600
You seem to have
grown since last
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00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,600
you stood
before us, soldier!
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You've been assigned
to the planet Blorch...
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home of the slaughtering
rat people!
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00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,200
Why would
you draw that?!
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00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,800
However, because
of your increased height,
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we have decided to
give you the planet Vort...
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home of the universe's
most comfortable couch.
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00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:14,700
Yes!
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00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,800
Next,
Invader Spleen!
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00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,200
Move it, move it!
Invader coming!
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00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,200
Move it! Get
out of the way!
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00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:34,900
And last...
Invader Skoodge!
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Oh, now
that's just sad.
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00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,700
Could you get
any shorter?!
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00:04:41,700 --> 00:04:43,500
You will be assigned
to Blorch, home of the
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00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,500
slaughtering rat people.
Thank you.
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00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,700
Get out of the way! Move it,
move it! Get out of my way!
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- Thus concludes The Great Assigning!
- Move! You're in my way!
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00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,600
Help yourselves
to some nachos,
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00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,700
and we'll see you
at the equipping station.
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00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:01,900
Yes, gorge yourselves...
you mooches!
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00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:04,700
- No, no, no! Wait!
- That voice!
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- No!
- It can't be!
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Zim!
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00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:16,100
Sorry I'm late, my Tallest.
I couldn't find my invitation.
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00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:17,800
You're lucky I
made it at all.
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00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,400
You weren't
invited at all.
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Weren't you banished
to Foodcourtia?
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00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:25,700
Shouldn't you be...
frying something?
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00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:28,400
Oh, I quit when
I found out about this.
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00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:33,500
- You quit being banished?
- The Assigning is over, Zim!
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00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,100
But you can't have an
invasion without me!
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I was in operation
"Impending Doom 1"!
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- Don't you remember?
- Oh, yes... We remember....
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But sir, we're still
on our own planet!
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00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:07,100
Silence! Twist those knobs!
Twist those knobs!
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You! Pull some levers!
Pull some levers!
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00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:23,900
I put the
fires out.
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00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,300
You made
them worse!
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00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:31,100
Worse...
or better?
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00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:38,000
Besides, no Invader
has ever been so...
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00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:42,400
very small. You're
very small, Zim.
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You're a tiny...
thing.
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00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:47,600
But... Invader's blood
marches through my veins
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00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,600
like giant radioactive
robo-pants!!!
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00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:54,600
The pants command me...!
Do not ignore my veins!!!
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00:06:56,600 --> 00:07:01,800
As a show of... gratitude
for your service in the past...
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00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,400
Here's a sandwich.
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00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,000
- But... - Thanks
for coming, everybody!
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00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,400
- Hello!
- Goodnight!
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00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:10,900
- Hello! Hello! Wait!!!
- What? You got your sandwich!
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00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:14,300
My Tallest, an opportunity
to prove I truly can be
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00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:17,800
an Invader is all
that I ask! Gimme!
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00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,800
Hold on,
I've got a plan.
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00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,400
We see now that you
are truly deserving.
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00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:26,100
Yes.
Yes, I am.
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00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:29,800
You will be sent to a
planet so mysterious,
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00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:32,200
no one has even
heard of it!
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00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,800
Right! And those who
have heard of it...
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dare not speak
its name!
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00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,400
- What's its name?
- Oh, I dare not speak it!
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00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,600
Where is it?
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00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:49,400
Right there!
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00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,800
A secret mission!
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00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,900
- Happy now?
- Yes!
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00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:57,500
Invaders: Report to
the equipment hall!
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Oh, and remember!
Lasers.
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00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:03,700
The universe will be
ours for the taking!
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00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:07,700
It's only a matter of time
before all the races
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00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:12,600
of the Universe serve...
the Irken Empire!!!
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00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,500
I'll have them serve
me the curly fries.
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00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:17,500
"Curly fries. Curly fries.
Curly fries. Curly fries."
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They're coming!
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00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:32,100
Dib drank the last
soda. He will pay!
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00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:36,200
They're coming!
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00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:40,100
Dad! They're coming!
I heard them!
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I actually heard them!
I was up on the roof,
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00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,400
and I heard this transmission
that was coming through!
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00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:48,400
Not now son!
I'm making...
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00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:49,400
toast!!!
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00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:54,000
Gaz: They're coming!
They really are!
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00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,200
Who's coming, Dib?
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00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:59,200
I don't know...
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00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,700
This is your Standard Issue
Information Retrieval Unit,
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00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:05,200
also known as a SIR.
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00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,200
It will assist you in gathering
valuable knowledge
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00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,700
during your mission.
- It's also a thermos!
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00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:12,000
- Who wants this one?
- I do!
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00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:14,300
Thank you.
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00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:17,300
Everyone else, line up
and take a robot!
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00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:33,100
SIR! Go warm up
my ship's engines.
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00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:34,700
Yes master,
I obey!
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00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:41,600
Finally! A robot
slave of my own!
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00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,500
We have a "top-secret"
model for you, Zim.
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00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:19,100
It looks kind of...
not good.
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00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:22,400
Yes! Well, that's what
the enemy will think!
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00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:23,400
Get it?
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00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:27,800
I see! Very good!
It even fooled me!
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00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,200
I am honored to be trusted
with such advanced technology.
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00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,000
GIR, reporting
for duty!
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00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,000
GIR? What does
the 'G' stand for?
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00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,000
I don't know!
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00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:52,500
Is it supposed
to be stupid?
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00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:56,300
It's not stupid.
It's advanced!
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00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:10,500
Okay, GIR! Our
mission begins now!
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00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:14,800
Let us reign some doom
down upon the filthy heads
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00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,000
of our doomed
enemies!
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00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,200
I'm gonna sing the
doom song now!
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00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:23,100
Doom doom doom
doo doom doom...
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00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:40,000
GIR... Would you
please stop singing?
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00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,300
Proximity warning:
Planet ahead.
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00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,400
GIR, we're here!
We're finally here!
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00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,100
Doom, doom,
doom, the end!
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00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:56,100
- What's that?
- Planet Earth!
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00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:59,100
This must be the place!
Okay, first off we have to
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00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,300
set up a base
of operations.
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00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:04,100
Focus, GIR! This is where
your advanced information
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00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:06,200
gathering skills
come in handy!
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00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,200
Yes, my master!
Groit!
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00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,700
You have to observe
what these...
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00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:14,100
Earthenoids consider
to be... normal.
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00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:15,900
Then, based on your
observations, we make
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00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:18,700
our disguises...
and our home.
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00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:30,700
Here! We
build here!
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00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,000
That was easy!
GIR! Get out here!
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00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,900
Hurry, GIR!
What did you learn?
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00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:52,000
I saw a squirrel.
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00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,500
It was doin'
like this...
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00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,800
Concentrate, GIR!
It is time for disguises!
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00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,800
I wanna be
a mongoose.
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00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,600
We have
to be quiet!
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00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:13,100
Too ugly!
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00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,000
Too stinky!
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00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,300
That one
looks good!
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00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,800
Why does it hurt?!
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00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,700
Master?! Where did you
go? Where are you?!
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00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:31,000
I'm right here, GIR!
It's me! And keep it down,
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00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,700
do you wanna wake
up the whole planet?
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00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:34,500
I do.
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00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:38,000
Okay, for you, I'm
thinking maybe a dog.
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00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,000
Can I be a
mongoose dog?
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00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:46,600
Today, we become...
the enemy!
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00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:59,600
Ingenious!!! Now, all we
need is a home. Let's see.
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00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:07,400
Some windows, a couple of little
animal things in front. There!
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00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,300
GIR! Hide!
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00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:25,300
And be quiet! We can't
afford to make a sound!
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00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:39,500
Welcome home, son!
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00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:50,700
Step one went
smoothly!
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00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,300
The Tallest were
wise to choose me.
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00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:12,500
This planet won't know
what hit it after I've learned
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00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:16,100
its weaknesses... d'oh,
these lenses are all scratchy!
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00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:21,600
Now, to find the best possible
way of "learning" about this sad,
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00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,100
filthy little planet.
The more we know,
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00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:27,600
the sooner we can conquer
this spinning ball of...
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00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:31,100
filthy... dirt!
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00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:39,700
Class, I would like to
introduce the newest,
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00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:42,900
hopeless appendage
to the student body.
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00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:45,400
His name is...
Zim.
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00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:49,800
Zim, if you have something
to say, say it now,
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00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,600
because after
this moment,
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00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,200
I don't wanna hear
another sound from you!
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00:16:56,300 --> 00:17:00,100
Hello, friends. I am a perfectly
normal human worm baby.
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00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:03,500
You have nothing, absolutely
nothing to fear from me.
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00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,700
Just pay no attention to me
and we'll get along just fine.
207
00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:08,900
Take your seat
now, Zim.
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00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:11,600
Today's lecture is
about outer space...
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00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:16,100
and how it will eventually
implode in on itself!
210
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,400
Yes, Zim?
211
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,500
In the event of, say,
a full-scale alien invasion,
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00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,400
how prepared do you think
this planet's defenses would be?
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00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:27,600
Tell me!
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00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:33,700
As I was saying,
the universe is just doomed.
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00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:39,700
Doomed, doomed,
doomed!!!
216
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,200
Okay, am I the only
one here who sees
217
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,400
the alien sitting
in class?
218
00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:53,700
There!
219
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,600
Right there!
220
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,600
That is no kid!
He's an alien!
221
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:03,200
An alien! One of the monsters
I've been talking about!
222
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,400
He's here to
conquer Earth!
223
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,200
Not this again.
You're crazy!
224
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,700
What about his
horrible green head?!
225
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:14,200
Insolent fool boy!
It's a skin condition.
226
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:19,500
And he's got no ears! Is that
part of your skin condition, Zim?
227
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:20,500
No ears?
228
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:22,500
Yes.
229
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,700
Man, Dib. You think that just
'cause someone looks different,
230
00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:29,100
you can call
them an alien?
231
00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:31,800
I guess Old Kid's
an alien too, huh?
232
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,400
How's it goin'?
233
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:36,100
Okay, see
this is us.
234
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:39,100
Now over here,
over here is Zim.
235
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:41,800
See the difference? Anyone?
Anyone? Questions?
236
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,600
Yeah, what's wrong with you?
All you talk about is aliens
237
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,200
and ghosts and seeing
Bigfoot in your garage!
238
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,200
He was using
the belt sander...
239
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,600
Yeah, he's always
saying stuff.
240
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,200
I remember that
one time!
241
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,300
Hey! You just got here!
Don't let him trick you!
242
00:18:57,300 --> 00:19:01,600
I know what I'm talking about,
and there it is... sitting right there!
243
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:05,200
Well, he does look...
pretty weird.
244
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:09,200
Yeah! And
he is sitting!
245
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,100
Ya see? Actual proof
that all the things
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00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:15,400
I've been saying are
actually right! Finally,
247
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,200
a way to prove
that I'm, that I'm...
248
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,800
- That I'm crazy!
- Okay,
249
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,400
now that
makes sense!
250
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,400
Man, we almost
believed him!
251
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:31,300
Doom, doom, doom.
Go home now!
252
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,000
Zim.
253
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:47,600
Maybe your cruddy little disguise
worked on everyone else,
254
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,400
but I'll get them
to see the truth.
255
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,600
No one will
believe you.
256
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,800
They'll believe if I bring you
to them without your disguise!
257
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,600
I ordered this from
one of my U.F.O. zines.
258
00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,100
Oh, it's pretty.
What is it?
259
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:01,100
Alien sleep cuffs,
guaranteed to render
260
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,600
all alien life forms
unconscious.
261
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:06,500
How do you know it works if you
never found an alien before?
262
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,300
I'm gonna find
out right now!
263
00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:20,200
Leave me alone! I just wanna
go home and be all normal!
264
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:43,900
You like ice cream.
You like ice cream.
265
00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:48,100
You love it. You
cannot resist ice cream.
266
00:20:48,100 --> 00:20:51,900
To resist is hopeless.
Your existence
267
00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:54,900
is meaningless
without ice cream.
268
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:04,700
They might even name
your autopsy video after me!
269
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,700
Ha! See ya,
Dib!
270
00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:19,700
Pitiful human!
271
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,800
GIR! Help me!
There isn't much time!
272
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,000
Yes, sir!
273
00:21:47,700 --> 00:21:50,100
Get me out of here
now, GIR! Now!
274
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,600
Okey dokey!
275
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,800
Hey, wait a minute,
what the...?
276
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,000
- Good work, GIR...
- There you are!
277
00:22:19,100 --> 00:22:21,000
Quick! Get in the
house, GIR! Hurry!
278
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,800
Welcome home,
son!
279
00:22:25,100 --> 00:22:27,600
Your little tricks
won't fool me, Zim!
280
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,900
- I know where you live now!
- Oh, your friend's at the window!
281
00:22:29,900 --> 00:22:31,700
You can't
hide forever!
282
00:22:31,700 --> 00:22:34,900
And if you can,
then I'll wait forever!
283
00:22:34,900 --> 00:22:38,400
I've been preparing
for this all my life!
284
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,200
Okay...
285
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:46,700
I'm gonna go home now
and prepare some more!
286
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:49,700
"But I'll be back, and from here
to the ends of the Earth, Zim..."
287
00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:52,600
I feel good about
how today went.
288
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,800
"...to the depths
of the oceans!"
289
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,800
"Incoming transmissions
from... Earth."
290
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,400
What is... Earth?
291
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:08,600
Invader Zim reporting, sirs.
The mission goes well.
292
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:12,900
But surely you
expected that from me.
293
00:23:12,900 --> 00:23:14,900
Zim...
You're alive?!
294
00:23:14,900 --> 00:23:17,100
- Yes. So very alive.
- Hello!
295
00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:19,900
And full of goo.
Mission goo!
296
00:23:19,900 --> 00:23:21,700
Don't be surprised if
I take care of the humans
297
00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:24,000
before the armada
even gets here!
298
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:29,000
Well, I've much work to do,
so: Invader Zim, signing off!
299
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,800
Oh, my spine!
300
00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:39,300
Subtitles: Ainee
22438
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