Original subtitles

Invader Zim The Nightmare Begins s01e01 (s01e01_s01e02)

Subtitles: Ainee

Welcome to your doom, foolish Earthling!!! o.O

Welcome, brave Irken soldiers.

Welcome to Conventia, the convention hall planet.

Please, proceed to the docking ring

and take the complimentary teleporters to the planet's surface!

Be sure to visit the gift shop for all kinds of cheap, useless stuff!

If you're here for The Great Assigning,

please remember where you parked and proceed

to the main convention hall.

Galactic conquest is here!

Now, wiggle your antennae in salute,

because here they are!

Your all-knowing, all-powerful leaders,

the Almighty Tallest!

Thank you! Thank you!

See, told you they'd love the lasers.

Everything is lasers with you!

I'm telling you, smoke machines

are what the people really...

See?

Welcome mighty Irken soldiers!

You are the finest examples of military training

the Irken army has to offer!

Good for you.

Standing behind us, however, are the soldiers

we've chosen for roles in one of the most crucial parts

of operation "Impending Doom 2"!

You in the audience just get to sit and watch.

You should have tried harder!

These superior ones, not quite as superior as us of course!

Duh! These less superior than us but still quite superior soldiers

will each be assigned to an enemy planet!

There, you will blend in with the hideous native inhabitants.

All while gathering crucial information,

assessing the planet's weaknesses,

making it vulnerable to our big... space ship... gang!

The armada?

Now, let The Assigning begin!

Step forward, Invader Larb.

You seem to have grown since last

you stood before us, soldier!

You've been assigned to the planet Blorch...

home of the slaughtering rat people!

Why would you draw that?!

However, because of your increased height,

we have decided to give you the planet Vort...

home of the universe's most comfortable couch.

Yes!

Next, Invader Spleen!

Move it, move it! Invader coming!

Move it! Get out of the way!

And last... Invader Skoodge!

Oh, now that's just sad.

Could you get any shorter?!

You will be assigned to Blorch, home of the

slaughtering rat people. Thank you.

Get out of the way! Move it, move it! Get out of my way!

- Thus concludes The Great Assigning! - Move! You're in my way!

Help yourselves to some nachos,

and we'll see you at the equipping station.

Yes, gorge yourselves... you mooches!

- No, no, no! Wait! - That voice!

- No! - It can't be!

Zim!

Sorry I'm late, my Tallest. I couldn't find my invitation.

You're lucky I made it at all.

You weren't invited at all.

Weren't you banished to Foodcourtia?

Shouldn't you be... frying something?

Oh, I quit when I found out about this.

- You quit being banished? - The Assigning is over, Zim!

But you can't have an invasion without me!

I was in operation "Impending Doom 1"!

- Don't you remember? - Oh, yes... We remember....

But sir, we're still on our own planet!

Silence! Twist those knobs! Twist those knobs!

You! Pull some levers! Pull some levers!

I put the fires out.

You made them worse!

Worse... or better?

Besides, no Invader has ever been so...

very small. You're very small, Zim.

You're a tiny... thing.

But... Invader's blood marches through my veins

like giant radioactive robo-pants!!!

The pants command me...! Do not ignore my veins!!!

As a show of... gratitude for your service in the past...

Here's a sandwich.

- But... - Thanks for coming, everybody!

- Hello! - Goodnight!

- Hello! Hello! Wait!!! - What? You got your sandwich!

My Tallest, an opportunity to prove I truly can be

an Invader is all that I ask! Gimme!

Hold on, I've got a plan.

We see now that you are truly deserving.

Yes. Yes, I am.

You will be sent to a planet so mysterious,

no one has even heard of it!

Right! And those who have heard of it...

dare not speak its name!

- What's its name? - Oh, I dare not speak it!

Where is it?

Right there!

A secret mission!

- Happy now? - Yes!

Invaders: Report to the equipment hall!

Oh, and remember! Lasers.

The universe will be ours for the taking!

It's only a matter of time before all the races

of the Universe serve... the Irken Empire!!!

I'll have them serve me the curly fries.

"Curly fries. Curly fries. Curly fries. Curly fries."

They're coming!

Dib drank the last soda. He will pay!

They're coming!

Dad! They're coming! I heard them!

I actually heard them! I was up on the roof,

and I heard this transmission that was coming through!

Not now son! I'm making...

toast!!!

Gaz: They're coming! They really are!

Who's coming, Dib?

I don't know...

This is your Standard Issue Information Retrieval Unit,

also known as a SIR.

It will assist you in gathering valuable knowledge

during your mission. - It's also a thermos!

- Who wants this one? - I do!

Thank you.

Everyone else, line up and take a robot!

SIR! Go warm up my ship's engines.

Yes master, I obey!

Finally! A robot slave of my own!

We have a "top-secret" model for you, Zim.

It looks kind of... not good.

Yes! Well, that's what the enemy will think!

Get it?

I see! Very good! It even fooled me!

I am honored to be trusted with such advanced technology.

GIR, reporting for duty!

GIR? What does the 'G' stand for?

I don't know!

Is it supposed to be stupid?

It's not stupid. It's advanced!

Okay, GIR! Our mission begins now!

Let us reign some doom down upon the filthy heads

of our doomed enemies!

I'm gonna sing the doom song now!

Doom doom doom doo doom doom...

GIR... Would you please stop singing?

Proximity warning: Planet ahead.

GIR, we're here! We're finally here!

Doom, doom, doom, the end!

- What's that? - Planet Earth!

This must be the place! Okay, first off we have to

set up a base of operations.

Focus, GIR! This is where your advanced information

gathering skills come in handy!

Yes, my master! Groit!

You have to observe what these...

Earthenoids consider to be... normal.

Then, based on your observations, we make

our disguises... and our home.

Here! We build here!

That was easy! GIR! Get out here!

Hurry, GIR! What did you learn?

I saw a squirrel.

It was doin' like this...

Concentrate, GIR! It is time for disguises!

I wanna be a mongoose.

We have to be quiet!

Too ugly!

Too stinky!

That one looks good!

Why does it hurt?!

Master?! Where did you go? Where are you?!

I'm right here, GIR! It's me! And keep it down,

do you wanna wake up the whole planet?

I do.

Okay, for you, I'm thinking maybe a dog.

Can I be a mongoose dog?

Today, we become... the enemy!

Ingenious!!! Now, all we need is a home. Let's see.

Some windows, a couple of little animal things in front. There!

GIR! Hide!

And be quiet! We can't afford to make a sound!

Welcome home, son!

Step one went smoothly!

The Tallest were wise to choose me.

This planet won't know what hit it after I've learned

its weaknesses... d'oh, these lenses are all scratchy!

Now, to find the best possible way of "learning" about this sad,

filthy little planet. The more we know,

the sooner we can conquer this spinning ball of...

filthy... dirt!

Class, I would like to introduce the newest,

hopeless appendage to the student body.

His name is... Zim.

Zim, if you have something to say, say it now,

because after this moment,

I don't wanna hear another sound from you!

Hello, friends. I am a perfectly normal human worm baby.

You have nothing, absolutely nothing to fear from me.

Just pay no attention to me and we'll get along just fine.

Take your seat now, Zim.

Today's lecture is about outer space...

and how it will eventually implode in on itself!

Yes, Zim?

In the event of, say, a full-scale alien invasion,

how prepared do you think this planet's defenses would be?

Tell me!

As I was saying, the universe is just doomed.

Doomed, doomed, doomed!!!

Okay, am I the only one here who sees

the alien sitting in class?

There!

Right there!

That is no kid! He's an alien!

An alien! One of the monsters I've been talking about!

He's here to conquer Earth!

Not this again. You're crazy!

What about his horrible green head?!

Insolent fool boy! It's a skin condition.

And he's got no ears! Is that part of your skin condition, Zim?

No ears?

Yes.

Man, Dib. You think that just 'cause someone looks different,

you can call them an alien?

I guess Old Kid's an alien too, huh?

How's it goin'?

Okay, see this is us.

Now over here, over here is Zim.

See the difference? Anyone? Anyone? Questions?

Yeah, what's wrong with you? All you talk about is aliens

and ghosts and seeing Bigfoot in your garage!

He was using the belt sander...

Yeah, he's always saying stuff.

I remember that one time!

Hey! You just got here! Don't let him trick you!

I know what I'm talking about, and there it is... sitting right there!

Well, he does look... pretty weird.

Yeah! And he is sitting!

Ya see? Actual proof that all the things

I've been saying are actually right! Finally,

a way to prove that I'm, that I'm...

- That I'm crazy! - Okay,

now that makes sense!

Man, we almost believed him!

Doom, doom, doom. Go home now!

Zim.

Maybe your cruddy little disguise worked on everyone else,

but I'll get them to see the truth.

No one will believe you.

They'll believe if I bring you to them without your disguise!

I ordered this from one of my U.F.O. zines.

Oh, it's pretty. What is it?

Alien sleep cuffs, guaranteed to render

all alien life forms unconscious.

How do you know it works if you never found an alien before?

I'm gonna find out right now!

Leave me alone! I just wanna go home and be all normal!

You like ice cream. You like ice cream.

You love it. You cannot resist ice cream.

To resist is hopeless. Your existence

is meaningless without ice cream.

They might even name your autopsy video after me!

Ha! See ya, Dib!

Pitiful human!

GIR! Help me! There isn't much time!

Yes, sir!

Get me out of here now, GIR! Now!

Okey dokey!

Hey, wait a minute, what the...?

- Good work, GIR... - There you are!

Quick! Get in the house, GIR! Hurry!

Welcome home, son!

Your little tricks won't fool me, Zim!

- I know where you live now! - Oh, your friend's at the window!

You can't hide forever!

And if you can, then I'll wait forever!

I've been preparing for this all my life!

Okay...

I'm gonna go home now and prepare some more!

"But I'll be back, and from here to the ends of the Earth, Zim..."

I feel good about how today went.

"...to the depths of the oceans!"

"Incoming transmissions from... Earth."

What is... Earth?

Invader Zim reporting, sirs. The mission goes well.

But surely you expected that from me.

Zim... You're alive?!

- Yes. So very alive. - Hello!

And full of goo. Mission goo!

Don't be surprised if I take care of the humans

before the armada even gets here!

Well, I've much work to do, so: Invader Zim, signing off!

Oh, my spine!

Subtitles: Ainee