Original subtitles

Morning, Sharon! - Oh, hi, Evie.

How are you?

- Out your shell again, hermit crab?

- I'm not a crab, Callum, I'm a person.

- Or lady in the attic. Finally...

- I'm going to stop you right there.

You have a great day. You deserve it.

- What?

- Oi.

- Sorry. - Come on.

- PHONE RINGS

- Me again. Erm...

I've slept better, but I've got this weird pain in my ear.

Is that labyrinthitis? I don't know.

Erm...

Evie...

..I-I just wanted to say, erm...

I-I've been...

- HE SIGHS

- I've got the day off and maybe I can come help with some prep.

Big one tonight, obviously.

So what's the film?

Er, you haven't said.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Whee! - Evie, stop it, you're going to make me wee!

- Mwah! - I haven't brushed my teeth yet.

- Doesn't matter. - I've got a fuzzy mouth.

- Well, I've had four coffees.

I'm going to go on a big old walk today. - Oh, how big?

- A big old walk.

Big. Huge.

SHE SIGHS

- She needs to slow down.

She's back and forth to that shop like a bloody yoyo.

- Say it to her face.

- She wants to go on a big old walk. Can you go with her?

Try and chill her out. She's gone from nought to 99.

Must have a dog you can borrow.

Ooh, speaking of, any biz cards?

- They're arriving by courier.

- Hmm, they ought to arrive by horse and bloody carriage,

the amount they cost. - Right, don't keep going on about it.

- I'm not!

"Homestead Hounds!" - Mum!

Stop.

- SHE CHUCKLES

- What's this supposed to be?

- Prison.

Ooh, you can whack your double denim on and join in if you want to, baby.

- Baby? Couldn't think of anything worse.

This just arrived for you. - Yes!

- Big week this week?

- Mm-hm. Yeah, I'm moving it forwards.

200, and it's time to move it forwards.

You know? I'm shifting, I'm changing, I'm reimagining.

- Well, I'm off for a dog walk. You want to come?

- Mm, yeah! Forwards! I'm craving a big old walk.

- Well, it's not big, it's not old - it's just a walk.

OK.

- Hey, Evie Nicks.

Where you off to? - Going on a walk.

- No, I think we're all right for milk, babe.

- No, a big old walk! - Oh, a big old walk, is it?

All right, well, wait there a sec. I'll come with you.

- No, no, baby, it's fine, cos it's...

..it's like a sisters stroll. You know, like girlie pop chats.

Right, Iz? - Whatever.

- I mean, I'm absolutely thrilled about it, Josh.

- Yeah. I'm made up, me.

- It's like watching her take her first steps.

- Oh, that's a lovely sentiment that, Suzo.

But... - Yeah?

- Is it... - Yeah?

- ..too much? - Too soon? - Yeah.

- Yeah.

- God, I haven't been here for ages.

- You haven't been anywhere for ages.

- I'm having all these ideas, Iz. It's like my brain's woken up.

- Ideas for what? - Film Club.

- Are you going to carry on, even though Noa's leaving?

- Course I'm going to carry on.

Film Club's about more than just Noa, isn't it?

- Is it?

It sounds so fucking cheesy, but...

..are you in love, Eves?

- Iz, I love all my friends.

- No, I mean with Josh?

- Oh, Josh!

Well, he's Josh.

Who wouldn't love Josh?

PHONE VIBRATES

- Wait.

- Hello, babes.

- Yeah. - How's Evie's big old walk?

Evie's fine! She's 28.

- Don't fuck me off, Iz.

- Have they turned up?

- What? Look this isn't your mama just being nuts.

- The business cards, Mum.

- I don't know, Isobel.

Isob...Isobel.

- You're dead excited about this, aren't you?

- Oh, fuck off.

- THEY LAUGH

- Evie's out, mate.

- Out?

- Yeah, out and about.

Big old walk.

- A big old walk?

- Something clicked and, er, she's back on the horse.

Yeah, mint, innit?

- Yeah, yeah, it is mint.

- Yeah. I mean, we're really chuffed.

But, obviously, it's... You know, it's baby steps.

- Mm.

- How long to go now?

- A week and a day.

- You swapped over all your bits and bobs, your accounts and stuff?

- Yeah, all the bobs.

All the bits.

- All right, then, well, see you later, Noa.

- Er, Josh, erm...

- Yes, my guy?

- Do you know what the film is?

- Summat to do with feathers.

I don't know.

So, what is it you love about him?

- Jesus, Iz. You about to shine a big light in my face?

- Yeah, just answer the question.

- I love how he knows Mum.

I love how he knows you.

- But does he know you?

- What's not to know, Isobel?

I'm the most knowable of the lot of us.

- Well, he's fit, he adores you, and he'd do anything for you,

so stop pining after your weird mate.

- Hey.

I am not pining after my weird mate.

I'm not pining after anyone.

SHE SCOFFS

All I'm interested in right now is you!

SHE LAUGHS

And this!

- God, you're a nutter. - Can I have the lead?

- He's a fucking unit. Are you sure?

- I'm sure. Come on, Dave.

- Well, just... - Come on, Big Dave!

- Don't let him go! - Let's go!

Run, David, run!

Whoo!

- Come on, Dave. - Come on David.

- They only had soya milk. Hope that's OK.

- Course.

- How was your night?

- Couple of broken bones and an asthma attack.

Still not heard from Evie?

- Nope.

It's been days.

- Right.

There's really no reason for her to be pissed off with you?

Nothing you've said?

- No, I don't think so.

- Does seem rather odd.

Listen...

I've got limited experience here,

but I could tell you something that might help -

or it might not help, as the case may be.

- Please.

- Well, second year of Medical School there was this Kimberly Piper.

A cardiologist.

Which was ironic, because she treated my heart

with something approaching disdain.

Anyway, I thought it was...blisteringly clear

to everyone how I felt.

I mean, I'd break out into a cold sweat whenever I was near her.

- Hmm!

- Turned out, she didn't have a clue.

Went off with one of my pals.

Anyway, I look back on it now

and I do just wish that I'd said something.

I was always worried I'd never find the right words

but, of course, there are no right words, you know?

- Hmm. - Sometimes you've just got to say something.

- How was the big old walk?

- Ask her yourself. She's in loser land.

What's that? - It's a cake I've made for his mam and dad.

I went for carrot cake.

- Mm, can't go wrong with a bit of cazza cake, Suzo.

- Oh, it's a shame my girl won't be there.

- Yeah, I know.

But it would be too much.

Baby steps. Shame, but Mum completely gets it.

She's desperate to meet her. Just, when the time's right,

and I don't think that's a big old party.

- Big old party?

- Er, not...

No. You know what I mean.

It's like a humble shebang, in our humble abode.

I don't know. It'll be sausy rolls and bed by ten, I rex. - Mm.

- Don't fancy knocking us up a tray of your famous filos

to go with the cazza cake, do you?

- For your parents' silver wedding anniversary?

I'd be honoured.

- No, I'm only messing, Suz.

- Fizz and filos? That's my thing!

- No, I'm winding you up.

Erm, no, don't do that. I'm only joking.

- Oh. - OK? - Yeah, no problem.

- He said no! - Yeah, course he did.

He's gracious to a fault, that boy.

Oozes chivalry out of his every pore.

- Ugh, Mum! - Men never say what they mean.

Now, should I pipe my pate or spread it?

- I think you should leave it in the fucking fridge.

- Now, you listen to me, Isobel.

Josh has done everything for our family.

He's an oasis of testosterone in a vast landscape of...

..the other one.

- Oestrogen. - Yeah.

Now, this is a very important day for him today.

And his girl, our girl, our Evie, she can't make it, can she?

So, this is the next-best thing.

- I thought we were delivering biz cards tonight.

- Well, there'll still be dogs tomorrow!

Capers!

- SHE HUFFS

Have fun tonight, baby.

- Erm, Noa came round for you earlier.

Yeah, he seemed a bit...

A bit desperate, actually.

- Right. - Mm.

- Kiss attack.

I've told you, go for my boobs. There's more up there.

- There you go, Pooch.

Bye. - Bye.

- It's freezing. - Oh!

Where's madam? - Don't know.

It's all locked up.

- Maybe she's inside, going method on the prison theme.

- Can I just say, though, we are rocking the double denim.

- Had to make an effort.

End of an era.

- Ca-caw! Ca-caw!

- Oh! - Oh, my God, Evie! - Absolutely terrifying.

- Why have you come as Black Swan?

- Darling, I'm Jake!

- The Crow. - Yeah.

Oh.

- Ca-caw!

- Oh!

- Feels claustrophobic.

- Yeah, well it's a prison, isn't it, Kam? So it's supposed to.

Love you.

- It's...atmospheric.

- Symbolistic, is what it is.

Shawshank Redemption.

Redemption.

And here is the most important thing of all.

- Darling! You've turned me into a poster!

- You look so hot.

- I know!

- Warden Norton, would you like to do the honours?

- Oh!

What the fuck is this?

- I know it doesn't look like much,

but it's months since I got past the bin and now I...

..now I can...get past the bin.

- You've been to all these places?

Erm, Blair Witch?

- Yeah, imagine - an immersive viewing of Blair Witch Project

in Stenner Woods.

- Yeah, we'll be traumatised.

- SHE LAUGHS

- Erm, how would we watch the film?

- Well, you're not going to be here, are you, babe?

So you don't need to worry about that.

And the derelict loos by the Leisure Centre,

that could be Trainspotting.

You know, it's a great way to attract new members!

Community.

Humans need community.

- Yeah.

Yeah, we're really proud of you, Eves, aren't we?

Group hug!

- Er, I don't need proud, I don't need hugs.

I just need, like, to know whether you like the idea.

- Yeah. I love the idea.

For you.

- Sam?

- Yeah.

- Good.

- Bloody hell, Josh! Humble abode?

What the shimmering fuck?

- GUESTS CHAT AND LAUGH

- Suz? What are you doing here? - Oh, look at you, you heartbreaker!

Oh, Josh, this place is incredible. - Suz...

- Did they like the cazza cake?

- Erm, yeah, they loved it, yeah.

- Joshua?

Can you tell the staff to circulate properly, please?

- Is this Mum?

- Oh, yeah, sorry, erm...

Suz, this is Lydia. Lydia, Suz.

- Mums meet at last!

I'm Evie's mother.

- Who? - Evie.

Evie's...mum.

Evie.

- OK, right, well, hello, Evie's mum!

Joshua, can you make yourself useful? For God's sake.

Hi.

- A contribution. - Oh, so you're part of the team.

I was confused.

- It's just a token of appreciation for our Joshy.

- Appreciation? For what?

- Josh. He's like part of the family.

- Family?

- Well, I mean, he's got a chest of drawers at our house!

- Lydia! - Oh, there she is!

Lady Muck, fresh from the Maldives!

Look at that tan!

- It's really not that difficult.

It's one lemon, one rosemary per glass.

Look, one per glass.

- I'm not an octopus.

Two staff per 20 guests.

Very clearly explained on our website.

- Well, it wasn't that clearly explained, was it?

And you're here now, so don't let me down.

- It's really too much for me. I've been on my feet all day.

- It's not really my problem, is it?

The show must go on.

- Bloody hell. What's gone on, babe?

- These conditions are horrible. - Yeah.

- The hours are ridiculous. - Right.

- And they're a... they're a bunch of pricks!

- Hey, gently, gently.

Do you know what "pause" stands for?

Pause action until serenity enters.

Give us your hands. Big, deep breath.

- SHE BREATHES SHAKILY

- Oh, no, well, don't cry.

Oh, you're going to ruin your kitten flick.

- Are you a guest?

- Not really.

I thought I was family.

Come on, grab a tray.

Head held high.

- Thank you. - I've got you, babe.

I've got you.

Right, champagne.

Champers?

Drink?

You're welcome.

- Thank you.

- Scusies.

- I need to pee.

- No-pause rule! - It breaks the flow.

- Darlings, it's a basic human right.

- FILM STOPS

Kam. - I need a poo.

- SHE SIGHS

How did you know what the film was?

- Josh said he saw feathers and the garage was grey.

I put two and two together.

Wow.

- You know, we could have gone out together again

if you'd replied to any of my calls and messages.

- Well, I thought it would be better if I did it on my own.

- Yeah.

Course.

Evie... - Yeah?

DOOR CREAKS OPEN

- Crisis averted.

- Mate, that was way too quick.

- Nature wee.

- In my garden?

SHE LAUGHS

What were you going to say?

- These ones go first. - Yeah, I know. - Where's the girl?

Why's she not tidied? - I don't know, Mum.

- Sue! I'm so sorry. I completely blanked earlier.

I've remembered who your Evie is.

I had a brain fart.

- Oh. Well, I did think, "Earth to Lydia, Earth to Lydia."

- She was in cadets with him, wasn't she?

- Evie in cadets?

- JOSH CLEARS THROAT

- Yeah, she was.

- Have you been doing this all night, Sue?

- Yeah. Otherwise that girl would've been on her on her own.

- What a trouper! Well, you must come and have a drink with us.

- No, I think I'll just jump in a taxi.

- Nonsense! The night is young.

- Oh, go on, then.

- Fabulous. If you could just do a quick sweep for glasses and plates

and pop them in the dishwashers,

I'll pour you some bubbles when you're done.

Good.

They can go out when they're done.

Then these.

Oh, Sue.

Sue?

Sue? - I think it's Suz, Mum.

- Sue?

Sue?

Sue?!

Sue!

- Delivered?

What the fuck?

- SWEEPING FILM MUSIC PLAYS

- Just going to the loo.

- Have you seen a parcel? - Iz!

- Or a package for me? - Izzie, it's Film Club.

- This isn't Film Club, it's a fucking garage.

- OK, well...well, let's look for it later.

- You've shoved it in here with the rest of your shit!

You know I've been waiting all day for this.

- What is it?

- It's my biz cards, Eves.

I could have been out delivering tonight.

- OK, sorry. I-I-I've had other things on my mind.

- Yeah, of course. Cos it's all about you, isn't it?

- Oh, shit.

- Kam!

- I've got responsibilities, Evie!

- Going to grab another bottle, darling.

- Fine, fine.

VOLUME INCREASES

Sull'aria...che soave zeffiretto by Mozart

..it's a swimming pool...

- Oh, fuck me, Suz. What an ensemble!

- Be still, my throbbing heart.

- Oh, thanks, babies.

Cos I feel a bit...

So, that's nice.

- SHE SIGHS

- Let's get you some snacks. You all look famished.

- Mum? Mum.

- Oh, oh! They're here, they're here, they're here!

- Oh, you're all lit up, darling.

- Illuminated, Iz.

- It's my new business venture - Homestead Hounds.

No, no, go on, you open them.

- Oh, baby!

Drum roll, please.

- Oooohhh!

- "Homestead Hounds.

"Dog wanking service"?!

SHE TITTERS

- What?!

- No calls, no texts for days.

Felt like Demi Moore.

What?

- Like I'd been...Ghosted.

- Where are they?

- Don't need 'em. They don't care.

- Yeah.

It's exhausting being the one who cares.

- Are you joking?

The one who cares?

I cycle here every week.

Full costume, no matter how mortifying.

Make up all kinds of weird reasons to leave work early.

I stay the entire time and you're the only one who cares? OK.

- I never said only.

- You know what you meant.

- I'm sorry it's been such an effort.

An obligation.

- OK, don't do that.

Don't...

- It good, it's over. You're free.

- What happened to moving it forwards?

What happened to Trainspotting in the loo?

- Nah, I'm done.

- You have to keep it going, Evie, it's...

It's good for you.

- Good for me?

- Yes. You know what I mean.

- Yeah, I do.

- You do it cos you really love it.

- I don't do it because I love it, Noa.

I do it because...

- Did you check? - Obviously, I checked them!

I checked the proof.

Mum? - Oh, dear.

- Definitely "dog wanking."

- Did you check it on the desktop?

- No, my phone.

- Well, it's tiny text, isn't it, Iz?

- Yeah, and it's the swirly-whirly writing.

I can't fucking believe it.

- Well, it's niche. I'll give you that.

- You'll have all sorts queueing up outside, Suz.

- SHE LAUGHS - Don't laugh at me! It's not funny.

You don't laugh at her daft fucking shit, do you?

- Oh, darling, we do.

- I knew it was a stupid idea.

- It's not stupid, cherub!

- Not at all. - Josh wound me up.

He made me feel...

God, I fucking knew it.

- We'll sort it.

We'll sort it all, baby. It'll be sorted.

- They're just pieces of paper, sweet pea.

- It's not just pieces of paper!

This is my thing.

I... I'm so...

- So what? Oh, Iz.

What is it you need?

- SHE SNIFFS

- Oh...

- Come on, don't ignore me now. You've ignored me all week.

- It was hardy riveting conversation, was it, Noa?

You talking - at - me about utter shite.

- Wow, OK.

- Yeah, whether you should get an MRI for your ice pick headache.

If you should buy a dehumidifier.

Lamenting about your five hours' sleep

and whether I think it's the light pollution in Manchester

that's keeping you up.

- OK, what do you want to talk about, then?

- What happened.

I was trying to talk about what happened.

- Nothing happened.

- Don't do that.

- I-I got you out.

- Oh...

Thank you.

Thank you for everything you've done for me.

You can fuck off now feeling like the big man.

Yeah, you can clip-clop through the dock with Tia and Miles,

telling them all about your noble heroism.

- Why are you so angry with me?

- Because you took us somewhere

and then you pissed off and left me there alone.

I was so fucking embarrassed and confused.

- I was embarrassed and confused as well.

- Yeah, but I would never leave. - Only because you can't.

Evie, I didn't mean that.

Agh!

Wait. Evie!

I'm... This is for you.

- What the hell is it?

- Just read it. - Say it!

Do you know, I don't even know why I'm upset.

This is just your personality. I should be used to this by now.

- You're fucking kidding me...

You've got a boyfriend.

- Oh!

OK, mate, so that's why you can't say what you mean ever,

or address anything.

Right, so what was your excuse

for the other seven years and five months

before Josh came on the scene?

- Four.

- What?

- You and Josh have been together for eight months,

so that would make it seven years and four months.

- Fuck off.

He's a prick!

- All men are pricks.

- Are you OK?

- If Film Club was over, you'd be relieved, wouldn't you?

- Well, maybe it feels a bit like the moment's passed, love.

- Or...

Does... Does it have to be on a Friday?

- I'll go get your coats.

- It's you we love, darling.

- Evie... Evie.

- Oh, shit.

Sull'aria...che soave zeffiretto by Mozart

KNOCK ON DOOR

- Hey. I found this outside.

Oh, darling.

Oh, you really do have the ability to make magic out of nothing.

Do you know that?

Come on. Have something to eat.

- What are they?

- Just some bits left over from the party.

- What party?

- Josh's.

- God, you had to go there, didn't you?

- I was just helping.

- No, he didn't want your help, Mum.

God, why is everyone meddling in my life?

It's - my - boyfriend. Josh is - my - boyfriend.

- I'm not meddling. - Mum, stop.

- Hey.

Now, what's been said?

Bloody coming here, upsetting my little girl.

- Don't.

- Come here. - No.

- Evie, you're not acting like yourself.

Baby... - I'm fine!

- Come here, my baby girl. - I'm fine! I'm fine!

- No, you're not.

You're not. This isn't you.

You're my little dreamer. - Mum, you can't fix it.

- You need to calm down.

Come here. - No.

Mum, stop fucking smothering me.

- Then you fucking grow up.

- OPERA CONTINUES