Original subtitles

ALARM BEEPS

SIGHS

ALARM CONTINUES BEEPING

Come on!

OVERLAPPING VOICES

Mum!

Mum?

OVERLAPPING URBAN NOISES

BICYCLE BELL TINKLES

- You're fine.

YOU are fine.

Let's just go.

- KEYS CLACK, PHONE RINGS

INDISTINCT CHAT

AUDIBLE CHEWING

STRIDENT CLICKING

RACKET INTENSIFIES

# Happy Birthday to you. #

- Make a wish! - Thanks, everyone!

- Oh, Evie! Your mouth, it's bleeding.

Oh! - Oh!

- Shall we have a chat in private, Evie? - No, I'm fine.

- Are you sure you're OK? - I'm fine. - You don't seem it.

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine!

HORNS HONK

SIREN WAILS

What number's Mum again? - Evie? Are you all right, love?

- Why can't I remember?

- Evie? What's going on?

- I don't know! - Come here.

It's OK. You're safe.

You're safe now.

- Eves? Eves, it's OK. - Come on, let's get you inside. - You're OK.

- Oh, my baby girl.

- Do you want to run away?

What's your deepest wish?

- What you on about, babe?

- What do you want?

Joshy, you're kind of squishing me.

I need to get up.

STONE HITS WINDOW

What you doodling in there? - Mind your own.

- Must be nice to work on a Saturday.

- In what world is it nice to work on a weekend?

- No, just Saturdays, and birthdays, and Christmases.

There's just too much pressure to be happy on them.

- OK.

- It's kind of magical where you work.

The bacon sandwiches in the cafe.

The cushions and the table books,

helping people choose how they're going to express themselves

through textiles and interiors.

- Wherever you're imagining, ISN'T where I work, Evie.

- OK.

- Suz-oh.

- Joshy. - You all right?

- Not really. - Last night? - Hmm...

- You know what I'm thinking?

I think we need a big fat potter.

- I'll get me coat.

- Yes!

- I think I could eat marmalade on toast all day, every day.

Maybe we should put that on the advert. "Must supply marmalade."

- Maybe you should move in with Paddington Bear.

- Oh, God, no, no, no.

We would fight.

Have we, er, had any bites on the room?

- Not yet. - Right.

Well, time is of the essence.

Really not long to go.

Have you spoken to the girl? - I think my tidiness just upset her.

- Yeah...

Are you guys...? - You're still a lion.

- What?

- The whiskers are still on your face.

- Oh, God.

The Whiskered Doctor.

That will not do, will it? That will not do.

- DOORBELL CHIMES

Hi. - Hi.

- Just came to say hello.

- Hello.

- Can I come in?

- Want a tea, then? Or...? - Yes, please.

LAUGHS

- What you laughing at? - I'm not laughing, just, erm....

The house doesn't look right on you.

- Well, you ARE laughing, mate.

- SLAMS MUG ON COUNTER

Where's Suzanne? - Suz? - Yeah, Suz.

- She's with Josh.

Pottering.

- Pottering? - Mm-hm. Pottering.

What's funny about that?

Jesus, not everyone spends their Saturdays divorcing people,

or whatever it is YOU do for fun.

- OK, is this cos I was late, Eves? - When?

- Last night. Bristol.

The trains were cancelled. I did try.

- Oh, God, don't worry about that.

We had a great time.

- OK.

You do my fucking head in.

- You do MY fucking head in.

You can do your own milk.

Oh...

Have a whiff of that, Suz.

- Oh, yeah. That's the one.

Winter Nights.

- Ohh! That is good, that.

Have a bounce on here.

- Oh, yeah, that's good. It's not too soft. - Yeah.

- Fuck' sake. - Do you want a go, Iz?

- Look at the face.

- Sorry, no, boss business girls shouldn't be seen bouncing on beds.

- Boss business? - Yeah, well, she's...

Ah, put my foot in it again.

- I'm not doing it any more. - No! You should!

- She should what? - I was just...

I was just thinking about making the dog stuff more official.

- Official? - Yeah, like turning it into a proper thing. Full-time.

- Yeah, like, you know, expand it. Like business cards.

Full kit, kaboodle. And then she can hand her notice in here

at Snoresville. - Oh, OK. - I couldn't even think of a name

and then I realised, it was just stupid anyway.

And just...just a risk, so... - Oh, you're the dog whisperer, though!

- No, I agree with you, Isobel.

I don't think you should be spaffing your hard-earned savings

on business cards.

- Spaff? - Bloody hell, Suzanne. - Yeah, you know, just stay in your lane.

- How much discount do YOU get in here? - 30%.

- Ooh! That is tasty.

- Why? Do you need something? - Well, yeah, I'm just thinking

that all my stuff's strewn all over the place.

You know, it must be making the little one even more mad.

Not mad... Not more either...

You know what I mean. - You want your own chest of drawers?

Have you spoke to Eves about it?

- Tidy room, tidy mind, all that.

I've got a bit of dosh.

- OK. - OK! Nice.

I'll do a recce.

Oh, hello, kitty.

- Hello, puss.

- Ew! - What, it's got allergies?

- No. You saying "puss."

- Oh.

- So how was it, then?

Did you make any friends?

- Not really.

- You didn't make one friend?

- There was a guy called Miles.

He, erm... talked about squash quite a lot.

- Course he did - his name is Miles.

What about Tia?

Her name popped up on your phone. It was next to me, wasn't it? So...

- OK, Snoop Doggy Dog.

This is why we shouldn't have phones in Film Club.

- So go on, then, what was she like?

- She was, erm...fine.

- Er...fine?

Or FINE?

- She was quite funny, actually. Yeah.

But you know when someone's a bit, erm...lawyery?

- Yeah. Do I know when someone's a bit lawyery?

Yeah.

- Well, yeah, she was just a bit, you know, lawyery.

- Mm-hm. Kindred spirits, then?

Sense of humour but an affinity for rules,

wearing wigs, ruining lives.

- An affinity towards, actually, but, yeah. - Ugh.

Funny how? NEW YORK ACCENT: - Funny like a clown?

Funny like I amuse you? I make you laugh?

She was just...quite funny.

- Sounds like she's the one, kid.

- You believe in that?

- "The one?" - Yeah.

- We must have had this conversation before. - We haven't.

- But our navel gazing knows no bounds.

- Yeah. Not this. - Wow.

OK, then. No. Obviously not.

- Really?

- Yeah. We have many ones.

- Many ones?

- Loads of ones.

Don't you think? - Well, I think there's such a thing as...

..one right person.

- You mean that?

- One one, yeah.

- But you're clever.

- What are you going to do about that, then?

- Oh, God.

Right. Shoes off.

Where is this poltergeist?

- Where the hell are we?

- If the cat has made it into the good room, Mum's going to lose her mind.

- "The good room?" - Yeah.

It's reserved only for the good times.

We shouldn't be in here.

- Isn't this a good time?

Also, since when?

- Mum says, "Just in case."

- The God room.

- The God room, yeah.

- Hello?

What's she saying? Are we going to be OK?

- It's got a rhythm to it. - Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

- Is this blasphemy?

- It's absolute sacrilege, yeah. - Yeah.

Sorry.

- That's prime shellac, that.

- Shall we talk to Evie first?

- You've got his hopes up now.

- So does he live with us now? - I don't know, Isobel.

- You don't know? - No, I don't know.

- It's your house! - It's OUR house.

- Does Evie want him living there?

- Well, he's there all the time anyway.

- Yeah, but to actually full-on move in without talking about it...

- Bloody hell, it's just a chest of drawers, babe.

- She might feel a bit trapped.

- Rich.

I know what you were doing last night.

- Oh, for fuck's sake, Mum. I was just trying to help.

Ever since Eves came home, you've had tunnel vision.

You've cut down on work.

You don't even go to Fizzy Fridays any more.

- How can I go to Fizzy Fridays when it's Filmy Fridays?

I know what I'm doing - cos I'm a grown-up -

and I don't need you meddling in my life.

- Think we've found a winner.

- DOOR CREAKS SHUT

THREADS SNAP

HE EXHALES

What?

- God, you really went for it, Eves.

- Yeah.

- But you hate it!

- It's your favourite film, isn't it?

I felt obliged.

- Ah...

Ah, so you saw the text -

this is why you're being such a sourpuss.

- Will you stop saying "puss"?

- Puss. Look, I went all formal with her cos I was...

- Cos you were nervous. - Yeah.

- Oh, so you admit - she did make you nervous?

- I was nervous cos I was in a brand-new environment

with squash players, and the suit was not suiting.

- It was not right. - And...

..you weren't there.

- Well, at least I never have to watch that horror show again,

once we say goodbye. Thank God.

- Doesn't have to be goodbye, though, does it?

- You know what I mean. - Course it's not. - Course not.

- We've got our whole lives ahead of us. - Yeah, it's all up for grabs.

- Then fuck off with the goodbye shit. - You fuck off.

I'm going to miss you.

- You're not going to need to miss me...

..Elle Woods, cos I'm going to be there,

cheering you on from the dock.

Is it called the "dock"?

- We can call it that, sure. - Yeah?

We can go to the Harbourside after.

- You looked it up? - Obviously.

- You been stalking me? - Yeah. - Aww.

- Go into a book shop for hours, have nice coffees.

- Your first novel's in the window.

The reviews - "compelling, strange". Four stars.

- Four?! - No-one wants a five-star debut.

- That's true, actually. We can have champagne to celebrate.

HE GASPS

- Champagne in my big house full of furniture.

- Yeah. Thin glasses. Old chairs.

Slightly musty smell, like its owner.

- Musty like a...paperback?

- No, it's more like...

..malt.

- OK.

I'll sack off Bristol after a while, move to New York.

And you'll come. - Yeah.

"The hottest lawyer in Manhattan."

- And you'll come?

- Yeah! Oh, no, I'm going to be there,

walking around Central Park wearing a turtleneck,

pretending it's not itchy.

- I'll help you with your Christmas tree.

- SHE GASPS

You'll run to me on New Year's Eve, and I'll tell you that I hate you.

- But you won't mean it. - I won't mean it.

- And you'll wear big glasses and...and shirts

- and...and do captivating talks. - At Carnegie Hall.

- They'll last into the wee hours of the night.

- You'll smoke a cigar.

Mm, only on Tuesdays. Never around the kids.

- All seven of them. - Eight.

Leave the youngest at home one Christmas.

- You are so naff.

- Where's Kevin?

- KEVIN!

- Oh, he'll be so cool. We'll be so happy.

- Great soundtrack. ITALIAN ACCENT: - Oh, Morricone!

Eves, do you even want to go back to that job?

- Jesus, Noa.

- I know the position's still open to you if you still want it, but...

- You have to bring us back down to Earth, don't you?

- Boom.

I'm saying I...I am an insect

who dreamt he was a man and loved it.

And, erm...now the dream is over,

and the insect is awake.

Ah! I'm transforming.

Evie. Evie, if you're watching this, in the future,

erm...then I hope you're enjoying this.

But, erm, I'll probably be a fly.

- You know what? I know what I'm going to do tomorrow

and the next day and the next year and the year after that.

I'm shaking the dust off this crumby old town

and I'm going to see the world!

Italy, Greece, the Parthenon, the Colosseum,

then I'll come back here, go to college,

see what they have to say. And then I'm going to build things.

Skyscrapers, 100 storeys high and I'm going to...

..I'm going to make bridges 100 miles long and..

PROJECTOR CLICKS OFF

- You will, you know.

See it all.

- Not really looking that way, is it?

- How intense would you say the malaise is at present,

on a scale from one to malaise?

- It's better than it was, actually.

- Mm.

- You told me you had that thing in the mornings before school

when you were little, when you couldn't pick up the cereal spoon.

- Oh, God, yeah! - Mm-hm. - The exhaustion.

- Like, no grip. - Heavy.

- Can't grasp. - Jelly. No bones. - Yeah.

That's what it feels like.

All the time.

It's like I can't hold on to anything.

But it's better in here.

- OK.

- And sometimes I try and trick myself...

..into doing the thing before my brain realises I'm doing it...

..but then it catches up, and I can't.

- Can't pick up the spoon. - Yeah.

- But, Eves, just...

..just stepping out there.

Taking one step. You know? - I know. - Starting there.

- No bones, Noa.

It's a physical thing. I stop working.

- So your legs don't work?

- Yeah, my legs go. It all goes.

Don't laugh. - I'm not laughing.

You stop working. - Yeah.

And everyone's watching. - Who?

- Just...everyone that was... - No-one's watching.

- It's too much pressure.

It's like I step outside and I'm arse-crack naked

and everyone's got their popcorn out.

- Yeah, no-one cares about your crack. Shut up.

- It's OK, Noa. - I think you're talking rubbish.

- Just stop.

- No-one actually cares. - Noa, stop.

What are you doing?

Oh! - I don't know, what AM I doing? What am I doing?

What is anything?

What is anything, really, if you think about it? - Noa, are you OK?

- Huh? Yeah?

- What the hell are you doing?

Put your clothes on!

- This is happening, then.

- What's happening?

Merry Christmas, lads! Merry Christmas, number 51!

Merry Christmas, Des's corner shop!

- Noa!

HE PANTS

What are you doing?

Oh, he's lost it.

- See! No-one cares.

Look at me, I'm Jimmy Stewart!

- See? - You can do what you want!

I'm dancing in my pants. I'm dancing in my pants.

No-one actually cares!

- HE PANTS

- Ooh...

- Iz...you have to go for it.

Leave this place and go pro with the dogs.

- Do you reckon? - Yeah, you've got to. It's your pash.

And you're more than capable.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Mum doesn't think so.

- Uno momento por la toileto.

- QUIET CHATTER

- Suzo...

- Homestead Hounds.

- What? - Homestead Hounds. That's the name.

Think it could be great.

- Yeah...

No, that's good.

- I'll contribute to the business cards,

as long as they're classy.

Let's do this.

- NOA SHIVERS

Why did you DO that, you weirdo?

HOT WATER BOTTLE SLOSHES

- Oh, we need popcorn.

So your legs don't work?

- Nope.

HE TAPS THE BIKE - So get on the back of here, then.

- No. - Get on the back.

- No! - Get. On. The. Back.

Really? - Yeah.

- Really not getting on? - Go away.

- You go away.

- BIKE BELL PINGS

- Wheee!

- SHE LAUGHS

Ooh.

Oh, it's Sammy. - Pick it up.

- Really? - Yeah, she'll be stressy.

- OK.

Hello, darling.

- Recovered from last night?

- Yep, yep. All good.

- Is Noa up, or...?

- No, he's here with me now. - Put me on speaker.

- OK, OK.

- Hello, darling.

- Hi, darling.

- Hold me closer to your mouths. My speaker's fucked.

I wasn't mean to that rather fuckable Lion, was I?

- No, no, not at all. All good.

- Evelyn?

- You didn't do anything wrong.

- Is my coat there?

Hello?

- Keeping it safe.

- Phew.

Hey, remember Life-ruiner Liz?

Are you there?

- Mm-hm. Liz, yeah...

- Yeah. Turns out she's actually lovely -

she just has a personality disorder.

Anyway, she does Reiki now

and I thought that might help you, darling.

She says she'll come over and do it for free.

Evie!

- Reiki, yeah.

- Right, you two are boring me.

- LINE DISCONNECTS

PHONE CLATTERS

Listen to me.

I have to leave.

I have to.

- I know. It's OK.

- What are you doing? Stop doing that.

- I'm not doing anything.

- I have to go.

- The job. Yeah.

- No.

Right now.

- Why?

We should talk about this.

- You don't want this.

- I'll put the kettle on.

- IZZIE AND JOSH TALK OUTSIDE

LINE RINGS

LINE RINGS

This is Noa Amin.

Please leave me a message - I'll call you back.

- I missed you today.

What would I do without you, baby?