Original subtitles

I'm just saying, now is the time to show your support for our troops.

You do support our troops?

Hey, Janet.

Brad.

I didn't know you'd be in detention.

What of?

I saw you got a D in the count test.

Yeah, well, Mr. Corbin is a sexist.

I'm not sure.

Anyway, I thought maybe I could tutor you.

Hey, Ed.

Remember how I like to hang out with you?

man ever fail you?

You're sure it won't pop in a piss test?

100 % untraceable. Dude, if Marky McG had been popping these, he could have

for Congress instead of lying in front of them.

Good.

And you're sure you can get more?

I got the straight. Oh, God.

Wait.

What's the M for?

It's a clinical name.

I've heard of that.

Smart guy.

I am a renegade. Don't fit in with the more they made.

Doing time on the lost highway.

Taking it day by day.

No way you got detention?

Now when your mom accuses me of being a bad influence, she actually has a leg to

stand on.

Yeah. Can the Ash Man interest you in his other wares?

Grade A, called Blue Sky.

And trust me, it will get you sorry.

Yeah. No, no go, dude.

This body's a temple.

There's no way I'm polluting it with that shit.

Check it.

I tell you what, sir, if I ever meet George Romero, I'm going to seduce him

bury him in little zombie babies.

But then they would probably eat us, which would be kind of sad because that

means no more living dead movies.

But it would be a great metaphor for what kids end up doing to their parents

when they turn into teenagers.

Right, Ed?

Mrs. Romathorpe. Eddie. I was wondering if you decided yet about telling

Principal McMahon.

Mark Smith.

Mi amigo.

Oh,

whoa, bro. UK?

Man, some crazy bum bit me on the parking lot.

I'm sorry.

I don't think I can just ignore this. What you did is serious.

It's illegal, not to mention dangerous.

You can't tell him because this is my chance, you know.

Well,

here, let Dr. Ash take a look. I got the cure for what ails you, okay?

Oh, whoa, dude.

You got some legit nurse visiting, right? Yeah.

Yo, Mr. Rumbles!

Mr. Rumbles, I think he's checked Markman's hand.

Oh, Marksman's hand.

For serious, hit the nurse. For one thing, she's like ten times harder than

Rumble.

Miss Rumble!

That dude's totally got rabies. He's gonna go rabid in a couple of hours.

Okay, back up, everyone.

Uh, Mrs.

Rumblethorpe.

Markismus is dead.

You got what you call infinitely expanding growth potential.

Huh? One zombie equals many more zombies?

Oh.

So we can't go out there. We don't know how many could be out there.

They'd be everywhere.

What are you saying? We should stay here and hide?

I'm strong with the mission, obviously.

I was trying to say something.

Oh, he really stopped doing that. It's even grossing me out.

Oh, Brad, baby.

What? Kill it.

Why me?

Jimmy, you kill it. I'll get the next one. But you're the one joining the

So? So go get a hoorah on it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Man's here.

Baby Kings, you won't let them hurt me, will you?

Jay, babe, I have years of military experiences.

All right? They won't lay a finger on you. You have years of military

experience? Yeah.

I've been paintballing with my dad since I was six.

It's only me.

Oh, damn it. I got nothing.

I got nothing here.

Me neither.

Nor I.

Me too.

Maybe all these, uh, corpsicles are creating some kind of undead zone.

Hey,

Lily and Ashley are out there. They are?

Well, open the door. Let them in.

They're a little busy right now.

Doing what?

Um, eating Rick Bliskin.

What are you laughing at? Uh, well, when, uh, Ashley and Lily were...

about who would get a piece of Rick's ass first.

So?

Lily won.

Oh, fuck.

Not funny.

Well, it's a little funny.

Got it, cool?

No, no, no, no. This is not cool.

I know you all are raging freakazoids and all, but even ones as far removed

cooldom as you should still understand how much further from coolness this

situation is.

Yeah.

Jenna, you should really lighten up. Lighten up? No, this is no time to

up. If anything, we should all be getting heavier.

Well, maybe you should stop upchucking after every meal, then. Hey, Janet's

right. This is serious, and serious times call for serious minds.

Thank God we have you, then.

Was Principal McMahon in there?

This zombie shit is really starting to hodge in my mouth, okay?

All right, look.

Come on.

Come on, you too, Will. I'll get in here.

All right.

This school is crawling with God knows how many zombie heads.

We need to find somewhere to hold up, and we need to fortify.

Oh, yeah, but everywhere we go, there's going to be dead heads already there.

Yeah, we need somewhere no one goes to.

Why would we go there?

It's perfect.

One major entrance and plenty of shelves to barricade the door.

So it's easily defendable. Yeah, and it's right down the hall.

Good. Because all this running and shit is tuckering the Ashman out.

Yeah, I don't think Mrs.

Rumblethorpe can take much more moving around.

Um, most important... Yeah?

Not a single student in this school would be caught dead.

Zombies only pay attention to what's right in front of them.

Nice to work.

Okay, she's not looking too good.

I can't believe this is happening.

I am student council vice president, junior prom queen, and head cheerleader,

and I have a serious problem with the direction the school is taking.

Well, I just quickly, if I were you or the next popularity contest you'll be

winning is most likely to get eaten by the same body.

Hold her neck. Keep pressure on it.

Eddie's been studying medical school since, like, infancy, so maybe he knows.

Yeah.

Ew!

Eddie, what is it?

Oh, nothing big.

Just the head of the world.

The entire cast is a gossip girl and this is their angry love child.

Who knows what it's like everywhere else?

I tried the landlines.

No signal.

So we're completely cut off from the rest of the world?

What about the internet?

None of our phones can get a signal.

The school computer?

Really?

The thing's so ancient, makes old drama cutting edge.

Worth a try, okay? You know, maybe we can email for help.

Or tweet.

OMG, zombies attacking the school. Send help pronto.

It might take a while.

Wow, if this isn't a commentary on the current state of public education, I

don't know what is.

Everything will be okay.

Look at you. You are way too hot.

Like werewolves or vampires?

Or are you team Switzerland?

Oh yeah, me too, yeah.

Guys, I think we have a problem of incalculable proportion.

Huh? Big problem?

Oh.

Are they getting in?

No, no, not yet, Janet, but they will. There's no way they're going to make it

through the barricade.

Their numbers are growing.

Jimmy, they're going to get in. Well, then that's it. I say we run for it.

No, no. Yeah, he's right.

All right, we make a run.

Maybe someone out there has a cure or something. Yeah, and go back out there?

Yeah. With them?

Braddy Kim's baby, I can't do it.

Okay, look, I've seen about every zombie movie there is, and one eternal truth

in all of them is that going outside equals bad. Exactly. No, no, I say we

for it. And outrun the high school of the damned.

Look, from what I've seen, I don't need to outrun one of them. I need to outrun

one of you. And I'm pretty damn sure I could be the asthma boy here.

You don't have asthma?

All the dorky kids have asthma?

Yeah, look, we make a run, right? Some of us will make it. Look at her.

She's got big -ass boots on. She can't run.

Survival of the fittest.

Hoorah!

Breach is fine.

Thank you. No, Bradikins, I can't go out there and compete.

I play sports.

Okay, look, I'm totally okay with the current living situation. I'm just

I bowl. I'm a bowler. I'm an excellent bowler. Okay, Eddie, focus. Come on.

Focus, please.

Sorry.

Right, sorry.

Jimmy, Jimmy, your plan only works if we all agree to go out there. And clearly

there is a large dissenting opinion that plans just stay put.

Like me.

And me.

Brad, babe, you won't leave me here, will you?

I'm piercing you, chillax.

Chillax? Yeah. Look on the bright side.

Bright side?

The school is overrun with zombies. What's the bright side?

What else?

To get to decapitate your English teacher and then continue to torment her

undead head.

Right, Mrs. Rumbly Thumbly? No biting. That's a bad Mrs. Rumbly Thumbly.

Huh? Detention for you.

Ash!

Stop taunting the undead.

All right.

All right, look.

I got it.

If we're going to stay, we need to treat this like a siege situation.

Our greatest danger is either a frontal breach of our defenses or a small -scale

incursion via an as -yet -unrecognized weak point.

We do some recon.

You know how to look stuff up and shit? Sure.

Maybe there's something in here that can help.

Zombie stuff, like a how to survive as a zombie attacker.

What to do if bitten.

This is a high school library, so I'm not sure there's a lot of reference

material on zombies.

Yeah, too bad this isn't the library from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, because

had a wicked dark arts selection.

What?

I like the two gay witches.

There's got to be something, right? Hey, sorry, but when it comes to the living

dead, your best source of info is right in front of you.

Between Eddie and I, we've seen about every movie, read every comic book, and

played every video game that has anything to do with zombies.

Yeah, that's right. When it comes to zombie survival, we're the badasses.

Fine. Eddie, Willow, you like to turn a tug?

That's in no way ominous or foreboding.

Jamie?

Don't worry, okay? I'll kill anything that comes through the door.

Oh, man.

Jimmy.

Hang in there.

We can't just leave him there.

He's going to turn.

Hey, we all saw what happened to Mrs.

Rumblethorpe.

So? What, do you want to throw him out the window?

It's Jimmy, for Christ's sakes.

Not for long, bro.

Brad?

Amy?

They're right.

You know they're right.

I'm okay now.

Kato.

Nuclear Fala?

Military super soldier experience.

From meteors?

Biological weapons.

You know what I don't get?

Mark. When he turned all Aberzombie and Fitch, he was still pretty fast.

But Marion the Zombrarian was all slow and stumbly.

Clearly each zombie retains some of their physical attributes.

All right.

Enough.

Enough. We all seriously need to chillax before someone pops a blood vest.

Chillax?

And relax when the powers combine.

Chill out.

Whatever. All I'm saying is I think it's time to intro a little

mellow to this hippie

party.

Sweet. Share the wealth.

There's a lady dark dog come in.

Wait, is that marijuana pot?

Something like that.

I don't think this is the time to be getting high.

I need something to calm my nerves.

What say you, Brad Tassin?

Yeah, fuck it.

For medicinal purposes.

Secondhand smoke?

What if the zombies get the munchies?

Ed, they already have them. Fine. But smoking weed equals death.

Smoking weed equals death.

Drinking equals death.

Having sex equals death.

Basically, having fun in any way will get you killed. You're right.

Horror movies are total moral -righty conservative propaganda bullshit.

Tell me about it.

I've never been so happy to be a virgin.

What? I'm gonna look for that right girl.

Uh, sure, if by the right girl you mean someone lame enough to sleep with your

ass. Ooh, no, no.

Feltit's mistress of the extreme eyeliner are regulars in the good ship

detention, but, um... What the hell are you three doing here?

Nothing. Oh, come on.

What's an 18th level wizard, Dungeons and Dragons geek like you doing in

detention? I'm a paladin.

What? Wizards, hippers, spazzes, and losers.

What about you, sweet cheeks?

Oh, nothing. We were just caught in the bathroom.

What were you guys doing in the bathroom?

In the bathroom? That's gross.

I was just playing.

Check it. Willow wins.

Slutskin McDropper Joris is embarrassed.

No, we were just kissing.

Oh, get off it, Janet. Everyone in this school knows you got a mouth that can

suck stardust.

Fuck you!

And fuck you, too!

What, you boys get to chase every ass in tight jeans, but I do what it takes to

satisfy my boyfriend, and I'm a slut?

Pretty much.

You don't get it.

No one does.

Get what?

How hard it is to be me.

Oh, please.

There's so much pressure that comes with being popular.

Everything I do, everything I wear is judged by everyone.

Oh, poor you. I always have to say the right thing, wear the newest clothes,

date the coolest guy.

But in the end, you all still...

Yes, you do.

You social rejects hate me because I'm popular.

And the popular kids hate me because I'm more popular than them.

Well, if being popular is so rough, then why don't you, I don't know, stop

trying to be the queen bee?

That's easy for you to say.

You've never been popular.

We're not the only one who's felt so trapped by who they are that they

did something stupid.

Really, really stupid.

Holy shit.

Where'd you get a gun?

You were going to Columbine us?

I wasn't going to Columbine you.

Gun is for me. You were going to offer yourself in detention?

Is it because I make fun of you?

No.

Is it because I didn't go to prom with you?

What? No, I didn't even ask you to prom.

It's because of her.

I thought you and the rumbles were all at pupillage or whatnot.

Yeah, we were.

Until you found me.

I was just using Adderall to help me study, and Mrs. Rumblethorpe just caught

me, and they weren't prescribed to me.

Percy, so you were riding the Adderall train to Ivy League Town?

Yeah.

I got into Harvard.

I studied my butt off to get out of this shithole.

To get into somewhere where I wasn't put in a urinal for wanting to learn.

That's why I'm in detention.

And look, I want to live. I want to live through this.

But to do that, we need to work together. We need to put all our petty,

self -interests aside and work for the greater good.

Well, this is high school, so fat chance.

Damn it, Ash, this isn't a joke.

Two hours ago, she's running detention and accusing you of smoking out. I

to see the difference, Eddie.

Guys? Look, Edster, there's one thing I know, and it's when push comes getting

eaten, it's every man, cheerleader, meathead, dork, and scary

yet strangely attractive gotchick for themselves. It's the attitude that's

to get us killed.

Dude, we're all dead meat anyways.

Guys? Might as well enjoy the ride, Edster.

Guys!

Oh, shit.

not to say.

With the amount of zombies out there, should they make an inserted effort?

Yeah. They'd break through in about 35 seconds.

So we're basically screwed.

Is that what you really want?

Yeah.

What?

She's beautiful.

Sexy.

Super popular.

Perky. Not to mention perky.

You're just like the rest of these idiots.

They were a bunch of mindless zombies before any of this happened.

Trying so hard to fit into their little clique.

Trying so hard to hide anything that might make them stand out.

God forbid we don't all fit into this cookie cutter mold that everyone puts us

in.

Popular girl.

Bully.

Stoner idiot.

Dorky loser.

I'm not like that.

Sure you are.

You died for one night with Janet.

Not because you love her or that you care for her.

Just because she's what everybody tells you you should strive for.

And you were going to kill yourself last night.

Why?

Because you weren't going to get into Harvard?

So what, Eddie?

Does that mean your life isn't worth living?

If we live through this, um... Yeah?

Do you wanna... No.

I mean, if you don't, it's cool.

I mean... Oh, no, no, I won't. I, um... I definitely want to.

until the zombie horde gets bored and Scamperson nears Taco Bell.

I don't know. In the movies, the horde never goes away. It keeps getting

And that's what makes it a horde.

Well, we have a problem.

What? The toilet.

Come on, man. Find a corner or something.

Oh, gross.

No, no, no go, man. I gotta take a deuce from the caboose. I say we blow this

popsicle stand And make a pit stop along the way. Just hang your ass out the

window. Oh, no. So some zombie head can take a bite out of my ass?

We're on the second floor.

Zombies don't jump. Screw that, man.

I watch Shark Week on TLC.

And if some great white can jump 20 feet out of the air to grab a tasty seagull

snack pack, who's to say a zombie can't? Well, there are major logic flaws. No.

Ash is right.

He is.

I am? Yeah.

No, not about zombies jumping. That's stupid, but we need to get the hell out

here. We can't leave.

The barricades are our only protection. I gotta go, man. That means a trip to

the little boy's room.

Ed, you know, maybe they're right.

You said yourself the barricade won't hold.

Maybe we should make a run for it.

I'm not going out there.

Brad, baby.

You wouldn't leave me, would you?

I'm sorry, baby.

No, you can't. You can't go. If you start moving things around, you're going

draw them closer to the door.

Hey, wait.

What?

What if there's another way?

What, are you going to escape through the vent shaft?

No, I'm going to send my little psychic ferret to go get help. It'd be so cool

if that were true.

Look at it this way. This might be our only chance, and I, for one, would like

to live past this day.

Especially now that I have something to look forward to.

What if there's a zombie in the shaft?

How's the zombie gang getting shafted? I don't know.

Zombie rat.

It's like getting the houses down.

Those fuckers will eat your shit up.

There's no fucking zombies in the shaft, you guys. I'm going.

Me too.

That's great. It's a personal throne.

Ed, look. This might be our only chance, okay?

Well, I'm not going.

Isn't someone going to stay here with me?

I'm sorry Will.

Come on.

Let's get out of here.

Let's go.

Do you have any idea which direction we should be going?

Of course not.

You're a really great guy, you know that?

Can I ask you something?

Sure.

Would you ever... go out with a guy like

me?

I don't think so.

What?

What is it?

Oh, dude, you can find spaces.

Oh, God, Ash, not cool.

Not cool.

Don't try to go.

Why?

It's just the way it is.

It's just the way it is.

You're a geek, right?

I'm a hot cheerleader, right?

Yeah. Geeks and cheerleaders don't date.

We're just different.

Well, why?

You just said I was a good guy.

It's just not that simple.

Why not good looking enough?

Yeah.

You're just so stuck up.

Fuck you, Eddie.

No, fuck you, Jane.

Do you like being made fun of?

Or beat up?

Of course not. Neither do I.

That's exactly what would happen if we dated.

My friends would eat me alive.

Did you ever think?

I can't find my stash.

Dude, give me a boost.

Come on, man. Give me a boost. What the hell? Are you guys crazy?

Dude, leave Noe behind.

All right, come on.

One, two, three.

Has anyone ever told you you have really pretty eyes?

My mom.

She says they're my best feature.

They're really beautiful.

Has anyone ever told you that?

Sure, all the time.

Sorry, Ash.

Take it.

I don't want to die a virgin.

What?

I've done stuff, but never...

Oh, but... Willow...

Eddie, I gotta talk to you.

I'll be dead soon.

Carpe diem, Ines.

Brad, he must have been bit. He's turning.

Brad! Brad, stop!

Did you...

Maybe we spent more time building up the barricade and less time making out in

the back. Maybe people knocked instead of just barging in. What does it have to

do with anything, Janet? Oh, my God! Stop it, both of you!

Now, we're getting out of here alive.

And to do that, we need to work together.

We reached the stairs!

Oh God, we reached the stairs!

Got chicks kick ass.

I need a gun.

Isn't that Mr. Gnarly, the guidance counselor?

It's almost empty.

Not good.

before with Janet.

You're right.

I'm an idiot.

I know what I want now.

Good. Because you still owe me a date.

It's time for this paladin to cast a 21st level spell, Zombie Whoopass.

a few.

I don't want to die like this.

That is no joke.

Next slide.

So, I guess we'll never get that date.

You know, it sucks.

Totally don't think it happens.

The sweet look in your eyes, the ghost.

Attention, attention.

The zombie threat has been contained.

All survivors make your way to the front line.

I want a good perimeter. Set it up. Forward, forward, forward.

I got a gift card.

Wow, you really know how to spoil a girl.

Yeah.

inside a shopping mall.

I wouldn't care about the isolation.

I'm more concerned about the walking dead.

It's the end of the world.

I think I'd handle myself quite well.

I wouldn't panic walking past a zombie.

I'd try to catch a false repeating in movies.

I know all I need to know.

I know all I need to know. I learned everything from George Romero, Dario

Argento, maybe Tom Savini, Stuart Gordon, and Sam Raimi.

Did they plant the idea or was it always in me? Do you find me creepy? Yeah, do

I give you the creeps?

It's the end of the world.

We could gather half a dozen friends.

We live in hiding over JCPenney.

Construct a wall to keep the mutants out.

When it's the end of the world, we land a helicopter on the rooftop.

Somebody breaks in through a fortified entrance.

Maybe we can make a run.

foreign.

I know all I need to know. I learned everything from George Romero, Dario

Argento, maybe Tom Savini, Stuart Gordon, and Sam Raimi.

But they made plenty ideas, but was it always in me to be finally free?

Now it's the end of the world.

I always thought I would have been more careful.

and look to be a serious spy.

Will you wait here till I come back to life?

I learned everything from George Romero, Dario Argento, maybe Tom

Savini, Stuart Gordon, Sam Raimi.

Did they plant the idea, or was it always in me?

Do you find me creepy?

Post -apocalyptic zombie survival fantasy.

I've been thinking, maybe we get a good thing going here. Maybe we shouldn't be

in such a hurry to leave.