Original subtitles

Well, hello there. This is your old cousin, Brucey, here. Hey, it's

day today at Hometown High. No more school.

Yes! Wow, all that free time and the bright, sunny sunshine. Ready for the

R's? Rest, relaxation, and racing your girlfriend around the room.

Whee! I just get tired thinking about it. Come September, off to college and

kiss your sweetheart goodbye.

Gee, I know I'm going to miss you.

Sob, sob.

Enough of that. So tell me, what are you going to do this summer? Lie around in

the sun and fan with nothing to do?

Lazy. Hey, I got a song here that might give you a few ideas.

Start your summer off with a great big bang.

It's the number one smash.

Love is a gas. You can do it when you're hot or even when

you're not.

You can do it fast or slow to make it last.

Because any way you do it, there's going to be magic to it.

Because love, love, love, love is a gas.

There's going to be magic to it.

As I look out at your young, fresh, clean, smiling faces, and at the faces

your relatives, friends, and beloved parents, my heart is warm to see the

strength of character and moral fortitude which all of us, the faculty

of Hometown High, have strived to instill into you young men and ladies.

You are no longer the children you once were when you first stepped into these

forbidding halls.

I am reminded of the first time I stepped into these same forbidding halls

years ago.

I was a young man, just out of college, with a degree clutched tightly in my

hand. And yet, even armed with that piece of parchment, I...

Even I was awed by the mighty responsibility also being placed in my

to mold and shape the minds and personalities of the flower of our

American youth.

I hope and pray that you are not awed by that same mighty responsibility now

being placed into your hands.

You will be the businessmen and congressmen, the leaders and teachers,

artists and doctors of tomorrow.

From all of us at Hometown High to all of you, the next generation of Mark and

men and women, congratulations and God be with you.

And now for a delightful musical program prepared by our lovely students

in honor of this very special evening.

What a dirty, rotten trick.

Yeah, who do you think did it?

I don't know, but when we find out, we'll fix it. The nerd.

Imagine him getting a free look like that.

Hey, April, are you getting dressed, or do you plan to stay naked permanently?

I didn't think it was so bad.

Uh -oh.

This girl's in big trouble.

Take it easy, honey.

Come back down to planet Earth.

It was nice having all those boys looking at me.

I can't explain it, but it felt good.

I wish they'd look at me that way.

Maybe it did feel good, but that's a secret you should keep to yourself.

Never give away something for nothing.

Why?

Because a baby, that's the way it goes.

You play your cards right.

You wrap them around your little pinky like me.

Then they do what you want them to.

And that's what makes the world go round.

Come on, Betty. Don't lay it on that thick.

She's just a little confused.

Well, gather round, class. Time for a little education.

I know you all have your diplomas, but this is the real stuff.

Boys all want the same thing.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Good. You've heard about it, then.

Now, as some of you may already know...

And as Miss Luscious Lips over here is suddenly finding out, what they want

is... Not too bad.

But you can never let them know that.

While your body says... Yes.

Your pretty little mouth should say...

That way they have to work at it and work at it.

And when you finally do give in, just a teeny weeny little bit, they're so

grateful they'll do anything.

And I do mean anything.

All right.

You've done good.

Thank you.

Hey, boys, I'd like you to meet my date. This is... Uh, I didn't catch your

name.

Oh, yeah, this is Mytle.

Say hello to the boys, Mytle.

Ding -dong.

Hey, who you calling ding -dong, huh?

I wouldn't call you a name, Hank.

Yeah, we'll see that you don't.

Mr. Smith, my name is Anthony Morelli. My friends call me Pee -wee. I just

dropped by to pick up your little angel, Moidal, take her to the dance.

Hey, so what do you think, huh?

You think this place is worth our time and trouble, huh?

Yeah. I mean, you know, you think we'll get a little appreciation, huh?

Yeah, I think so.

All right!

Let's join the crowd.

Sweet!

Pete and these boys.

Thank you!

Would you like a rear exit?

just enough to get stranded at lookout point roger you just pull this car right

Would you like a tiger in your tank?

Excuse me. I have to go to the little girl's home.

Cooney! Cooney!

Oh, this is Joe.

Hey, my favorite niece.

Let me have a look at you.

You having fun?

I'm okay. How about you?

Often. Just often. But things could be worse.

You don't look so bad to me.

It's inside.

It's in my veins. It's in my bones. It's in my stomach.

It's in my back. I've got these drains creeping in here.

Uncle Joe, there's really nothing wrong with you.

You know, you shouldn't let the boys see you doing that.

Don't be silly.

Close your eyes.

Think about all the good times we've had together.

All the tears and all the laughter.

This is like the crossroads in our lives.

From here we all go our own separate ways.

I mean, this could be the last time that we'll ever see Hometown High.

Look in my eyes.

This could be the last time they will ever see each other.

Is that you?

What's happening?

What's it with you? You think you're Woody Woodpecker?

What's wrong?

Oh, it's this damn crick in my neck.

It's been bothering me for days.

Oh, you mean your husband?

He's had a mild heart attack.

You know, June came here especially to see you.

Oh, Junie, Junie, my favorite niece.

I'm right here, Uncle Joe.

How do you feel?

Oh, I got these... Creeping pains and going through here and all around there.

Stay away from that.

I think we should leave now.

Quiet, quiet.

Can't you leave a dying man in peace?

He's really very upset. You'll just have to excuse him.

It looks like we're going to have to sell the gas station now.

He loved that little place so much.

He used to say, it ain't much, but it's ours.

He was struggling so hard against competition from that big new station

the street, but now that he's sick, there's just no way.

Don't worry, Aunt Harriet.

It'll be all right. I'm sure of it.

I wish there was something I could do to help.

You're such a sweetheart.

And I don't want to be. Don't know why these feelings have come over me. I'm

lonely. And I finally see how I need the people who are close to me.

Just give me all of my friends and I'll be happy again.

I can make this dream come true

Here's this morning's receipts, boss.

Thanks.

Well,

let's see.

Toad operations up 10%. Auto accessories up 8%. You boys are

working hard.

Yeah, thanks, Mr. Friendly.

Seems to be some activity across the street.

What?

I thought that old geezer was laid up.

Better yet, dead.

Look at them dumb broads wiggling their little asses, huh?

That old fart really lost his marbles this time, didn't he?

What the hell is that?

This is embarrassing.

I don't know how I ever got talked into this.

How do you use this thing?

Oh, it's not hard.

First you grab a hold of the nozzle like this.

That turns it on.

Right. Then you stretch it out. It can get pretty long.

And you stick it in the car and squeeze.

And the gas comes spurting out? Right.

How do you stop it?

Oh, it trickles off by itself before the tank overflows.

Can I hold it?

Sure.

Gee, I hope I can remember everything I have to do.

Don't worry. It's just four easy steps.

Grab it, stick it in, squeeze it, and let it peter out.

I've never felt so foolish in my whole life.

I couldn't help noticing you pretty young girls all lined up here.

Is this some sort of practical joke or something?

I mean, just what is it you're selling here?

Gas.

You mean to tell me you're going to pump gas in my little pickup here?

Would you like regular or super duper?

You girls want to look under my hood?

I've been having awful trouble with my transmission.

Seems like every time she overheats, she rubs up against my piston rod.

Causes my lube valves to overflow all over my crank shaft.

Just shoots the carburetor all to hell and makes my ball joints emit.

Excuse me.

Hello, Roger?

How are you?

Are you busy for the next couple weeks?

How'd you like to spend it with me?

Good. Listen, get some of the other guys and come on down Uncle Joe's gas

station. I mean... You guys are so good with cars and engines and all that

stuff, right?

Are you kidding me?

Joe's Super Duper Station?

Check this thing out.

My God.

Really?

What's going on here?

Just you and the girls?

You are one kooky chick.

But I love you anyway.

Oh, come on, Roger. What do you think?

It could work.

Oh, Roger, I never knew how sweet you are.

Hey, gorgeous.

Can I help you with anything?

Yeah. Could you hold this for me while I go to the bath?

Sure.

I think they're absolutely perfect.

Just a quick job, just to break tightening.

breaks until I tell you.

Right.

What are you doing up here?

What?

Nothing.

I thought you might want some company.

Must get off the loan yet, sir.

I'll buy it for you.

said this was just a break job no no there's an oil change too

Trumps, check the prisms.

What?

Rotate the tires. Check the transmission, the universal joint, the

linkage.

A two -tone paint job?

Good job.

Okay, June.

Testing. One, two, three. Testing.

Testing. One, two, three. Testing.

Terrific. Let me try that.

Calling all motorists. Calling all motorists. This is just super duper

civilization.

Why not let us gas you up?

You'll feel the difference.

We'll treat you like there's no one else in the world.

Come on in and find out why our gas is a blast.

You're carbon of every drop.

We're here to serve your every need. We're always up for business.

What did you turn in here for?

Five dollars high test.

I mean, super duper. I mean, fill her up.

Coming right up.

Really, Morris, at your age.

Hi, girl. Hi.

Fill her up and check my oil.

Sure thing, cutie.

That's right. Just come on in and say hello.

Come on.

Don't be shy.

We'd really appreciate it.

Oh,

that's really good.

Don't be shy.

Come on in.

We've got plenty of room.

You'll have fun in chose.

Those kids.

We'll make you and your car feel better than you've ever felt before.

Those girls are asking for it.

Can you dance with me?

Let's race some hell.

This town you must be dreaming.

Zoom, baby, zoom!

Here, let's go.

Yeah.

Hey, I heard Roger and his moron friends are helping the girls at the gas

station.

Fix that place up real...

Look at this place. What is this place? A gas station or a circus?

This is real nice.

Real nice.

But I think it looks nicer like this.

Hey.

Hi, babe.

Leave her alone, you fool.

I was right.

The place is a circus because here come the train seals.

Hey,

what do you guys want here anyway?

Hey, this place is open to the public, isn't it? Yeah, and we're part of the

public, right? Yeah, the public nuisance.

Hey, don't you know the customer's always right?

I think if you don't know, I think we should teach him.

There, did you learn something?

acting like a bunch of overgrown babies.

No chick talks to us like that. Hey, wait.

So clean cut. Why don't you try this on?

That's us, the terrible vultures.

You attack everything decent.

We're building a business here.

You call this a business?

Hey, come on, let's split this joint. We'll come back tomorrow and show them

some real stuff, huh?

I want to check this out.

Yeah, what are you doing in there?

I'm drilling for oil.

Well, uh, that ain't how you do it. Hey, show him how to do it, Butch.

Oh, yeah?

Well, that ain't how you do it.

All right.

Oh, don't leave.

What?

But you're so talented.

Naturally. Hey, you ain't going to fall for that, man.

See that truck over there?

Yeah. Think you're good enough to drive it?

That's kid stuff.

Hey, she's pulling your ding dong, man.

No, this chicken's a two.

I wonder what the latest model looks like.

Nah, that's your inkling model.

Boys, let's vulturize it.

I want you to pay a visit to our young friends across the street.

You want we should rough them up a little?

I don't care what you do.

As long as that place ain't open for business tomorrow.

Sure, sure.

Looking for a green Buick.

Hey, there's a good one.

That ain't it.

What do you mean that ain't it? That's a green Buick.

We're looking for one with a particular license plate number on it.

Keep going.

Let's go.

Here's a special, a great special to Jill, Betty, January, April, and Shady

no super different.

Can I help you?

You sure can, sister.

Stay where you are, or I'll blow your pretty little brains out.

This ain't no business, pretty little girl.

when we get there.

Where is everybody?

We bust our hump to get that goddamn... I don't want to show... Shut up!

That's different.

I hate to harm that pretty little, cute little face.

Please, don't hurt me.

It's your own fault.

You shouldn't get into dirty business like this.

They got June in the office. A couple guys with guns.

Oh, yeah?

I got an idea.

Turn around, sister.

I can't look into those baby blue eyes and do what I gotta do.

Oh, oh.

Hey, Murph, did you just see what I saw?

You stupid jerk. Why'd you use my name for?

But, Murph, you gotta see this.

Oh, oh.

There it is again.

Cut it out, Bruno.

We got a job to do. And besides... I ain't seen nothing yet.

I'm no damn fool.

I'm going to check that out.

Hey, Bruno, come on. We got to get out of here.

When Bruno comes back, we're going to give you one last goodbye kiss so you

won't forget us.

your time again right now. This one goes out to June, to Betty, to January, to

April, and to plain Jane. Ladies and gentlemen, Look Out!

Look out!

Love's gonna get you. Look out!

It's coming right at you.

Love's gonna get you. It's never gonna let you go.

It doesn't matter where you are.

Coming up.

question is that, huh?

Because I think you're a cross between Attila the Hun and Count Dracula.

What's the matter?

I was just kidding.

I'm sorry.

I didn't think you were that sensitive.

Everybody says you vultures are pretty horrible people.

Yeah, well, it's fun to be horrible.

Not too many people like you.

Who cares if they don't like me? Because I don't like them too much either.

I think you do care.

Well, that shows how much you know.

Why don't we sit down someplace nice, huh?

I thought you said you wanted to go for a walk.

We just did.

Hey, what are you so afraid of?

I'm not going to bite you.

At least not on the first date.

Nice and soft, huh?

You gonna kiss me now?

Sooner or later.

Be respectful.

Ah, let me just hit the kid once, huh?

Ain't it way past your bedtime, squirt?

Come to help the guy down. No, no, the vultures is a very self -contained unit.

We don't need no undecided outside support.

Uh, in other words, don't call us, we'll call you, huh?

Hey, come here.

Listen, this ain't no place for a kid.

Why don't you go home to bed, huh?

Nice kid, huh?

I still can hit him once.

Just a small one.

I drank a cup of coffee, had a fucking cup. But living it slow, I'm taking my

time. Last night my baby drove me out of my mind. She gave me sweet sensations.

Sweet, sweet sensations.

She gave me sweet sensations.

The fire burning inside my head. I ain't seen my baby since Sunday night.

I'm not feeling right. I'm just so sweet.

I'm just so sweet.

She better lock the door. We're getting it on and she's giving me more of those

sweet sensations.

Sweet, sweet sensations.

She gives me sweet sensations.

PPP, Pyramid Petroleum Products, Mr. Smith's office.

One moment, please.

Hello?

Oh.

That's a serious matter.

We'll take care of it immediately.

I don't understand.

They just got a delivery across the street and they don't even need it.

Local shortage?

What local shortage?

We can't wait that long.

Hello?

Hello?

There's something fishy going on around here.

Hi, Judy.

Hi, Janelle. What would you like?

How about a date?

That'll be $200 this week.

How about next week?

I'll think about it. Great.

In the meantime, fill me up with somebody super duper.

Sure.

Hey,

sweetie, don't kid around with me. My baby needs Super Duper.

So, uh, why don't we go over there and murder him, huh?

Hey, that's a great idea.

Maybe even break an arm. A leg. An elbow.

A shoulder. A knee. A rib. No!

We've got to get from Dad so we can open up again.

Yeah.

And I know just how we can get all we need.

Yeah, what do you want?

Fill it up, please.

High test or regular?

We'll start with high test.

Excuse me, sir, but we're lost.

Could you tell me how to get to Main Street?

Yeah.

Go up that street, Dan.

Then there's two lights and you make a right at the laundromat and you go up

three blocks and you get to the Paradise Theater and then you make a quick left

and then two more rights.

You got it?

Could you repeat that again?

Get lost.

Hi,

Kitty.

Hey, cute.

I'm ugly.

I know, my mother told me.

I think you're cute.

I don't think you're ugly.

All my mother lied?

Well, would your mother think that, um, this was ugly?

No, no!

No,

no!

Oh, would you help me with this?

I always have so much trouble with these things.

Ah, yes.

I feel like that's liable to fall off.

That's enough high test.

I thought you wanted me to fill it up.

Yeah, I do, but I'd like some regular, too.

What are you making, a mixed cocktail?

It's great for the engine.

Gets better mileage.

Yeah.

That'll be $6 ,000.

I can't think of another thing.

It's a dirty, rotten trip.

Yeah, so what'd you expect?

What a world.

What a world.

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't we go over to your mother's house for dinner? Then we can get all

guests we need.

I was at your mother's house last night.

Oh, you're your mother. I know my mother.

June,

you did everything you could. You got nothing to be ashamed of.

Look at it this way.

Well we almost won.

Well at least I can get rid of this silly costume.

So you kids learned your lesson, huh?

I thought I'd just come over and take a look before you all disappear.

This will teach you kids.

This is a business, not a picnic.

You thought you could compete with me?

I guess so. No, we can't. Are we going to just let him walk all over us like

that?

And you call yourself a vulture.

I thought vultures fought for their rights.

We did the best we could.

You're going to sit around and mope?

Well, maybe we should do something.

And you, Roger, are you willing to give up?

I guess not.

Look at you.

All of you.

Maybe Mr. Friendly is right.

No, he's not right. He's a punk.

Yeah, we're with you all the way.

We'll show him.

They changed my route.

Sam.

You're not going to cry or nothing, are you?

Look, I think they gave me a raw deal, too.

It ain't up to me.

You do know what's going on.

I had this jerk friendly who put Smin up to it.

Smin's the big boss.

Smin? Yeah, he's a real oily character.

How do I get to see him?

Oh, nobody gets to see him. Not unless he's some goddamn Arab sheik or

something. Oh, please.

Keep on moving.

Keep on moving. Keep on moving. Keep on moving.

Where do you think you're going? In there?

No way, fella.

Well,

what do we do now?

I've got an idea

What?

First of all, people are not Arabs. If they were Arabs, they would have

slaughtered you.

I swear to God, Sheikh Al -Arab.

Tell the boss that the Sheik and his entourage are here to have a word with

What part of Arabia are you from?

The west side. North side.

The northwest side.

Ah, Sheik. So good of you to come. Salaam alaikum.

What can I do for you?

Lenny.

What, what, what?

What is going on around here?

We're from Joe's Super Duper Service Station.

Joe's Super... Ah, Joe's Super Duper Service Station.

Get out of here at once, or I'll call the police and have you all arrested for

trespassing. If you make a move towards that phone, me and my friends are going

to have to trespass over your face.

No, no, no.

Let us not be too hasty.

After all, we're all reasonable men.

I'm sorry, my dear. I really am.

What a shame.

I wish there was something I could do.

You're such a lovely young lady.

Why would you want to be in such a business anyway?

Never mind that.

I just want to know why you can't ship us any gas.

It's a very simple idea, because we don't have any to ship.

We have our troubles, too.

Everyone's got troubles these days.

Our profits are down, down, down. What about that?

Oh, how clumsy.

The cleaning staff, they turned it upside down.

Anyway, as you can see, there's really nothing I can do.

Maybe you would like a job as my personal secretary.

You're the meanest man I ever met.

Now look what you've done.

Why do you say that?

Do you think that just because you've got all the money and power, you can

with everyone's life?

No, no, no. Just a minute, young lady.

My Uncle Joe worked all his life just to make a few pennies and a decent living.

And then you go and take it all away.

Business is business.

Not just business.

That terrible guy across the street, he pulled every dirty trick in the book to

try to stop us, and you helped him.

He even sent men over to rob us.

Now, I didn't know that.

Let me tell you the whole story.

That is the saddest story I ever heard.

I don't want to hurt people.

I never wanted to hurt people.

Do you think I like having the fate of millions of people in my hands?

I need some time to think about it don't take too long

Uncle Joe.

Junie.

How's business?

Oh, can't complain.

Do you think those things are good for you?

Best. Just what the doctor ordered.

You know, it's a miracle what you did for your old Uncle Joe.

Oh, it was nothing.

Just wait till next year.

Listen, my friends are waiting. I gotta go. See you later.

always was my favorite niece.

Well, it's the end of a beautiful supper, and this is your favorite DJ,

Brucie, signing off, saying, I love you!

Just give me all of my friends and I'll be happy again. Oh, bring them back home

where you know they belong.

Just give me all of my friends and I'm in heaven again, feeling like the whole

world is singing along.

Oh, I'm in

eat i wanna