All language subtitles for A.Bet.with.the.Matchmaker.2023.PROPER.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-MPX

♪

♪

♪

♪

Hello?

Guess who found ten potential venues for
my aunt and uncle's anniversary party?

Kate, you're my best friend, but
it's the middle of the night.

It's not the middle of the night.

It's 7.30 in the morning, Nancy.

It is time to attack the day.

I'm not attacking anything.

I'm surrendering.

Now you know Sal and Mimi's anniversary
is a big deal for me.

Right, right.

Of course.

I'm sorry.

I mentioned it's still the middle
of the night, right?

Twice now.

Okay.

Email me the list.

Already sent.

Okay, okay. Let me just,
uh, try to find my

laptop here somewhere and, uh,
take a look at my inbox.

Big night last night?

On a Sunday?

I was just up late studying my
lines for this new play.

Time got away from me.

-Wait.
-Then today is Monday?

It is.

You've got a meeting at the
New York Chronicle today.

I do.

Well, party venues can wait.

Are you nervous?

Of course I'm not nervous.

I got the hottest relationship
blog in the city.

They'd be lucky to have me.

Although a weekly blog is one thing,
but a daily column at a

massive newspaper with online editions,
that's a game changer.

But I'm up to the challenge.

So wait.

Then you've got the job.

Well, the editor himself
called me personally to

iron out a few details, so
I'd say that's a yes.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?

Not enough if I'm being honest.

But you can tell me again later.

-Meet me at the park?
-Yep.

Usual spot.

It will be a celebration.

Got to run.

Love you.

What?

Are you kidding me?

♪

-Hey.
-Hiya.

Um, I'll take a black coffee, please.

Excuse me.

Yeah.

Can I help you?

I believe that belongs to me.

Oh!

Oh, my God!

Um, I'm so sorry.

It must have gotten caught.

Um, I-I can fix it.

-Just...
-if you help me.

Yeah, there we go.

Thanks.

Like new.

You know, I have one of
the most important

meetings of my professional
career in, like, ten

minutes, and now I look like
I hopped out of the trash.

Um, we can salvage this.

Just-just give me one second.

Oh, my gosh.

You're Kate Nolan.

Yikes.

-What happened?
-This guy?

Be right there.

I am such a huge fan
of The Love Spark.

All of my friends read it.

Thank you.

Yeah, I'm Chloe Jones, assistant features
editor at The Chronicle.

I've been pushing the bosses to get your
relationship content into the paper.

Well, it paid off, because I have a meeting
with your editor in ten minutes.

-Fantastic!
-Oh, you'll love Glenn.

Okay, forgive me.

You probably get this all the time, but
I've had enough of being single.

I'm really trying to find
that one, but it just

feels like every dating platform
is filled with losers.

Ah!

-Okay.
-Oh, my...

I'm gonna just put, like...

Haven't you done enough damage?

Thank you.

Oh, my gosh.

Look, dump the dating apps.

The right guy will find
you in its time.

But how am I supposed to
find the right one?

I-I don't mean to intrude
on your conversation.

Then maybe don't.

If you're actually looking for love...

Or do. I would, um, suggest
hiring a professional.

Joseph Webster, professional
matchmaker.

Centuries of experience?

Yeah, funny.

You don't look a day over 100.

Ha!

Yeah, it's good, yeah. No,
it's a family business.

My family's been matchmaking
for generations.

Oh, you're serious?

My professional services are discreet,
individually designed, and well-built.

Like a Rolls-Royce.

Worth a shot.

No, the only thing I trust less
than dating apps is some

random stranger hustling up business
outside a coffee cart.

Choice paralysis is a thing,
as we all know.

Sometimes handing the reins to someone
else can be quite useful.

My family successfully matched
European royalty.

Ah, yes, the famously happy
royal families.

Nothing but perfect relationships.

Your problem with me seems to involve
more than a minor wardrobe incident.

Minor?

Ha!

Do you know how many messages
I get every day from

unhappy people who are set
up by family and friends?

No one can know who's right
for you but you.

You can't force it, and you certainly

can't rely on anyone else
to find it for you.

Beautifully argued, and
I actually agree.

That's why I've brought matchmaking
into the 21st century.

I've created sophisticated algorithms
which create detailed

personality profiles which allow me
to find you the perfect match.

Right, and how much do you charge for
these sophisticated services?

Well, that depends.

Okay, well, it's a scam.

Don't waste your money, Chloe.

You know what? We're just gonna
have to agree to disagree.

Chloe, I, uh, I'm just
gonna get my coffee.

And I'm gonna do my best to go back
in time and pretend we never met.

Cheers.

Glenn Jacobs?

Mr. Jacobs?

Kate Nolan, your new columnist.

Pleased to meet you.

Please, call me Glenn.

Uh, fashion choice or
fashion statement?

Fashion collision.

You should see the other guy.

Ah, you're funny.

I guess that's why you have
so many followers, huh?

So, are we talking start date?

Because I'm ready to roll.

Let's step into my office, shall we?

I'm sorry I didn't give
you a heads up.

This corporate takeover has thrown
things into disarray.

That's understandable.
So, in short, yes,

we want you for the new
relationship blog.

Great, because I already have
some very interesting ideas.

But the new owners, well, they've been
pressuring me hard for somebody else.

So, they've suggested the best
way to ensure they get the

right candidate for the job is to
have the two of you compete.

I'm sorry, um, compete?

Glenn, mate, so sorry I'm late.

You wouldn't believe the kind of people
you'd run into in this city.

Hello again.

Wait, he's not the other
candidate, is he?

He is.

Um, sorry, um, what's going on?

I was meant to believe that
I was starting here today.

There's been a change in plans.

You two are now competing for the job.

Glenn, you want a relationship
columnist?

I have one of the hottest
blogs in the country.

This guy...

I'm sorry, what are your
qualifications?

Aside from being the latest in
a long line of matchmakers, I

was once the editor of my school newspaper
and a champion debater.

You edited a school paper and you're
citing that as genuine experience?

It was a very dedicated readership.

Wow, okay, well, my following will bring
a whole new demographic to the paper.

This guy is just trying
to sell a dating scam.

Ask Chloe. My analytics
are not a scam.

It's a scientifically grounded method
of matching people perfectly.

Okay, okay, look, it appears
you're both very qualified

and I think we have just stumbled
onto our competition.

Okay, which is what exactly?

Kate, you will be writing a profile
piece about Joseph.

What?

About him, his methods.

Throw in some family history,
especially the royal stuff.

The owners will love that.

They're British, you know.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Wait till you read it.

And Joseph, you claim your
methods are foolproof?

So, find Kate her perfect match and
then write me an article about it.

Like this joker is gonna
find my true love.

If he can't, then you win.

Congrats.

He has no article.

He doesn't get the job.

This is outrageous.

You expect me to gamble my job and my
family's reputation on a contest?

You have suddenly no confidence
in your methods?

It sure sounds that way to me.

Again, my system is foolproof.

Then accept the challenge.

Well, how do I know you won't just lie

and pretend that I didn't
find you a match?

Because I have integrity and I take
competition very seriously.

If you find my true love,
I will happily concede.

But it's not gonna happen.

How long do I have?

I'll give you ten dates to find
Kate her perfect match.

One.

-Nine.
-Three.
-Eight.

It's my lucky number.

And my final offer.

Fine.

Get ready to meet your soulmate
and lose this gig.

Get ready to read my article
on your flight back home.

Hmm.

Uh, wait a minute, Kate.

You are single, aren't you?

Yes.

Very.

Hello, Mother.

Joseph, how was your first
day at the Chronicle?

I do hope they're making
you feel welcome.

Oh, absolutely.

Yeah, everything is great.

Yeah, yeah, all good.

Well, mostly.

God, you're a terrible liar.

It's just a slight mix-up.

Might be a delay into me starting.

It seems like they've brought someone
else to, um, compete for the job.

Compete?

I sunk a large portion
of the family assets

into that takeover to ensure
the job was yours.

Yeah, it will be.

It's just, I just have to find her
a match within eight days.

You know, it's gonna be a nice,
soft launch to the business.

The first rule of being a successful
matchmaker is to build a reputation.

The column was the start of that.

I mean, you just couldn't resist
another competition, could you?

First, this wasn't my idea.

Second, I was defending
the family name.

You do not need to defend
the family name.

We're practically royalty.

My new software is bulletproof.

I will find her a match, no problem.

You should not be playing
games with our legacy.

I've got everything under control.

You've got nothing to worry about.

Oh, look, it's my new friend, Ben.

Yeah, we're going on a walk.

Gotta go.

I knew I carried safety pins
around for a reason.

Is there anything you can't do?

Wait, you're going to be
using a matchmaker?

This is fate.

It's not fate.

Come on, I happen to be
doing a play about a

matchmaker, and you just happen
to meet one in real life?

This guy's not going to
find a match for me.

This is going to be good for you.

It's time that you got back out there.

You know you can't force these things.

Either you have the spark
or you don't.

Now, enough about me. Tell
me about your play.

Okay, it's an off, off, off
Broadway production of

Emma, pretty low budget, but I
think this could be the one.

Really?

Well, I fully support you, and I love
you, and I love your attitude.

Well, you know, being
an endless optimist

is kind of a requirement
for being an actor.

And, you know, it helps that there's
a really cute guy in the cast.

No.

Okay, hear me out.

He's a really great actor, and he plays
the lead opposite yours truly.

Dating another actor?

Yeah, but I think this one actually
might be different.

You say that every time.

If you have the spark,
it's undeniable.

You know, I never get tired of you
quoting me back to myself.

Well, you're welcome.

You check out the list
of venues I sent you?

I did.

Pricy?

It's New York.

Ah, yes. Well, city's so nice,
they double the price.

Yep.

The park is free, though.

Sure.

Well, if it isn't my worthy opponent,
slash, personal biographer.

Let's just get this over
with, shall we?

Just a bit of playful banter.

You do get playful banter here, right?

Never heard of it.

Okay, well, let's get my algorithms
finding you your dream guy.

Or girl.

Or...

Whatever floats your boat.

This way to my office.

So, why matchmaking?

Right. Well, like I said,
it's a family tradition.

And how long have you been doing it?

Well, I've been around it my whole life,
but actually doing it is kind of new.

How new?

Before this, I worked in
tech, Silicon Valley.

It was there where I realized
I could match

my analytic skills with
the family business.

You don't strike me as
the techie type.

More of a jock.

I suppose I enjoy both
for similar reasons.

They both got structure,
tangible results.

You know, it either works
or it doesn't.

Win or lose, ones and zeros.

Ones or zeros?

Yeah.

This competition was over
before it began.

Ask me that after I wipe
the floor with you.

I'll try to remember when
I'm picking out

plants for my new corner office
at the Chronicle.

Um, quick question.

Hmm?

Where are we going?

Yeah, I kind of took a wrong turn back

there, and I was hoping you
wouldn't notice, but...

Look, I'm still new to New York.

Besides, who doesn't like a nice walk?

So, tell me more about your transition
into matchmaking.

Well, basically, I wrote this remarkable
piece of software.

You think you say so yourself?

I do.

Using my software, I was able
to take answers from

questionnaires and build extremely
detailed personality profiles.

Like, insanely detailed.

They often revealed preferences
that the

persons themselves didn't
realize they had.

Advertisers loved it.

Politicians, too, I bet.

I was offered all sorts of deals.

But then I remember watching my
mum matchmake growing up.

How much joy she brought.

I realized if I stayed with
some Silicon Valley

tech job, I wouldn't be bringing
anything to the world.

But then it hit me, I could use my

software to help bring matchmaking
into a new era.

And that's when I approached my mum about
continuing the family tradition.

And she bought into it right away?

My mum's a bit old-fashioned.

I'm not sure I've convinced her yet.

But that's why I'm here in New York,
to develop a whole new client base.

Can't believe you walked away
from Silicon Valley money.

Well, you haven't seen what
my software's capable of.

Hmm.

I just don't think love
can be quantified.

There's too many variables.

So you don't believe
in a perfect match?

No, of course I do.

I just don't think some probability curve
or software can determine it.

It's pure alchemy.

That's why my blog's called
The Love Spark.

Sorry for the catchy title.

Do you have any data to back that up?

I do have data to back that up.

My blog followers double every month.

Impressive.

But my success comes from
my personal experience.

Take my Uncle Sal and Aunt
Mimi, for example.

They always said when they first
met, they just knew.

It was instant. They had the spark,
and it was undeniable.

Hmm.

They celebrate their 40th wedding
anniversary in a few

weeks, and they are still the
happiest couple that I know.

And they didn't need some computer
program to tell them.

Well, that sounds like a tough act to
follow, anecdotal as it may be.

But I think my software is going
to be up to the task.

Why are we stopping?

This is my office.

This is your office?

I told you I've only been
in town a little while.

Besides, I think I'm addicted
to the waffles.

Come on.

What the heck is that?

I'll just put your two fingers
on those sensors.

You're not going to electrocute
me, are you?

Depends.

Are you into that?

Excuse me?

Kidding.

No, no, no. These sensors
are going to gauge your

heart rate and your blood pressure,
your true reactions.

You think I'd lie to you?

Well, I think you might
lie to yourself.

See, traditionally, it was
the parents' decisions.

They would tell the matchmakers what they
were looking for in the child's suit.

Medieval.

Well, it's flawed, yeah, but essentially,
modern dating apps do the same thing.

They just remove the parents
from the equation and

let people choose for themselves
what they really want.

That's what I've been saying.

But this is also flawed.

See, people lie.

They choose answers that they
think they should like or

that they think other people think
that they should like.

But my software sees right
through that and takes

physiological signals to help create
truly honest profiles.

So now what?

I would just sit back, relax,
watch the little slideshow.

Now, the images may seem odd
and incongruous, but I

assure you, my senses are telling
me how you truly feel.

Are you ready?

As I'll ever be.

Okay, slide number one.

Okay, a little cliche, but...

Uh, no talking, please.

Just react.

Feel.

Number two.

Number three.

Number four.

Number five.

195,

196,

197, 198, 199.

Okay, I'm starting to
get a little dizzy.

Last one, 200.

A horse and a rabbit.

Really?

Precisely.

Okay, I've successfully made your profile
and can start finding your matches.

That's it?

You show me a slideshow and
you think you know me?

Oh, jeez, would you look at the time?

I've got to run.

Now?

No, I just watched 200 random photos.

It's time to work on my profile piece.

Apologies, I know I said I'd have all

afternoon free, but I forgot
I'm playing tennis today.

I specifically told you I
wanted to do more work

on the profile piece, so I
guess I will tag along.

Read that.

According to her profile,
Kate is stubborn.

So when I tell her about my tennis,
she'll insist on tagging along.

Luck, I guess.

Luck or science?

Next!

Yes!

It's game.

You seem to be quite proficient
with a racket.

I am now.

When I was younger, I was rubbish.

But I had a coach who told me that

everything in life is just
a question of practice.

That everyone has a chance to be skillful
at something, but it takes work.

I've been living by that
mantra ever since.

Do you practice these speeches, or
do they just happen organically?

Every morning, in the mirror, yeah.

It's good.

♪

♪

Don't get me wrong.

I like Dawson's Creek, but
I think it's just...

-No, no, no.
-There are no buts.

It's perfect.

But did Joey have to
end up with Pacey?

-Yes.
-That's why it's so good.

I guess.

But sometimes I like a simple
love story, you know?

I had a really good time tonight.

Me too.

So, I have a rule about
dating co-stars.

-Same.
-I try to avoid it.

Right. It's just like, it
gets too complicated.

Yeah, the headaches. And it's
messy, and, you know...

Really messy with the...

-Oh, yeah.
-Right?
-It's the worst.

-Yeah, exactly.
-Exactly.
-Right.

Yeah.

But rules are made to be
broken, though, right?

Sometimes I think it's worth the risk.

I'll see you at rehearsal tomorrow?

Okay.

Yeah.

I'll, uh, I'll see you on stage.

Okay.

♪

♪

♪

Okay.

♪

♪

In my debut article for the New York
Chronicle, I've been asked

to examine the ways in which true
love can come into your life.

Can it be found by performing
a set of calculations and

computations, or should you trust your
feelings and know when it comes along?

In pursuit of that answer, I introduce
you to Joseph Kendall

Webster, an interesting individual
who is convinced that he can

create the Pierce of Cupid's arrow from
lines of code written on a laptop.

If you've followed my blog, you know that
I am skeptical, to say the least.

However, because I'm a writer,
I will try to set my

doubts aside and, for the moment,
keep a somewhat open

mind as I delve into these competing
views of finding true love.

In every competition, there will
always be a winner and a loser.

So I'm inviting you, the reader,
to join me in this journey.

Even though I'm pretty sure
I know where it'll lead,

sometimes the journey can be as interesting
as the destination.

This will not be an easy road
for me, as my personal

experience has always proved
that the power of the spark

between two people cannot simply
be replaced by a few simple keystrokes.

Because as I've seen throughout
my life and

love's, if you have the spark,
it's undeniable.

♪

♪

♪

Okay, little Lord Fauntleroyale pain
in my butt, let's see what you got.

See ya.

Hi, oh my goodness, I'm so sorry.

It's fine. It's no problem I'm
Benjamin Benjamin Bradshaw.

So lovely to meet you.

It's nice to meet you too, please

Thank you

♪

God.

Can I just say you look really
great this evening?

Thanks.

Again.

Uh...

So, uh, do you like jazz?

Uh, you know, when the mood strikes.

Your hair is especially wonderful.

Is there a specific hairdresser
you use?

Can I ask what you're looking at?

Nothing.

Oh, you made notes.

They're icebreakers.

It just...

Well, I mean, sometimes I feel so...

Nervous.

And then I get, you know,
I stumble, I ramble, I

say all kinds of absurd things,
and I just don't know.

Let's take a deep breath.

Together.

Come on, it'll be fine.

All right, so this is not
a bad idea, but maybe

memorize some of them, and probably
some better ones.

Like what?

You know, just a little more natural.

Um...

Okay, pretend that I am not
someone you're trying

to impress, and that I'm just
one of your friends.

What would you ask me?

Can you believe the latest
NASCAR rankings?

Not sure I would lead with that.

Uh, okay.

Uh, what was your, uh...

What was your school locker
like in school?

♪

Was it really that bad?

He had a cheat sheet.

I mean, that's cute.

No, they weren't even good questions.

One of them was, if you could be any
kind of animal, what would it be?

Oh, well, that's easy.

You've always wanted to be a panda.

True, but it was really awkward,
Nance, honestly.

I just don't get it.

You go on the Internet
and you research.

Great date questions,
and the best you can

come up with is what kind
of animal would you be?

I mean, I just feel like
he's not really...

He has no drive, you know?

It's like you're putting his
effort in, but then what?

Are you talking...

Nancy?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

Very interesting.

Uh, panda.

Yeah, sure, got it.

Uh-huh.

You weren't listening.

I'm sorry.

Charlie just came in for his
costume fitting, and he

looks just like Mr. Knightley, and
I was briefly, um, overcome.

How's that going?

I don't know.

I mean, I thought it was going
really well, but after

our first official date, he just
completely ghosted me.

Mm-hmm.

He hasn't answered a text or a call, and
he hasn't said anything at rehearsal.

I mean, do you think it's
some kind of game?

Do you think he has any
real potential?

Oh, yeah.

Hello.

Ah, how was date number one?

I think you found my soulmate.

Really?

Yeah.

He's a writer, too.

Does an ale lady treat you well?

What's in your fridge right now?

Are giraffes too tall?

Did he write these?

Yep.

Oh, God, it was such a
good match on paper.

That's what I keep telling you.

You can't predict these things with
bleeps and bloops, ones and zeros.

So I guess no second date
for Mr. Benjamin.

Yeah.

Plus, if I don't have the spark,
it's a waste of time.

Speaking of which, you're
single, obviously.

Why is that?

Ah, well, that is complicated.

You're a matchmaker.

I'm sure you have your
own algorithms that

you could plug into your
foolproof software.

Yeah, well, I've been busy,
and I think too

many people look for happiness
in a partner.

You gotta find happiness
within yourself

and then find someone
to share that with.

Hmm, tell that to my mother.

Well, mine, too.

If it were up to her, I
would be living the

high life in Silicon Valley,
married by now.

Huh.

Don't write that down.

Relax, I'm a professional.

Do you think part of what you're doing
here is to prove her wrong?

I don't think anyone's proven Genevieve
Gadsby Webster wrong at anything.

But certainly don't write that down.

I hope that is my daily reminder
to get some cardio in.

You want to join?

No, I'm not the one that needs to
work off that stack of waffles.

Okay, so you don't run, you don't lift
weights, you don't aquasize.

What do you... what do you do?

No, I don't aquasize.

Do you play any sports at all?

Well...

Not sure this counts as a sport.

How dare you?

Hey, my favorite niece.

Your only niece.

You got me there.

This is my Uncle Sal.

Joseph Webster.

-Pleasure to meet you.
-Likewise, Joe.

So who's this guy?

-A new date?
-The opposite, actually.

He's trying to steal my job.

Well, to be clear, I'm
not really trying.

You'd know it if I was trying.

It's just a little playful banter.

Do you not have banter?

He and my Aunt Mimi own the place.

Yeah, when she first moved
to the city, we

let her stay in the apartment
above the alley.

It was my first home when I felt
lost and alone in the big city.

Stop it, Katie.

You still owe me back
rent, by the way.

You're never getting it.

So, we gonna gab all day?

You guys wanna hit some pins?

Can you keep the stretching
to a minimum?

You're embarrassing me.

It's important to keep
the muscles loose.

I think I've established that I'm
already quite a competitor.

I'm not gonna go easy on you.

I'd be disappointed if you did.

I've got to warn you, I was quite
the bocce ball roller in my day.

Yeah, my niece is pretty good, too.

You know, for a girl.

Just FYI, Joseph, uh, that,
uh, for a girl,

crack always adds about 20 miles
an hour to her ball.

All right, Slick, you're up.

Are you gonna bowl, or are you trying to
bore the pins until they fall over?

Ouch.

Oh,

are you not amused, huh?

You don't look amused

Try to do this

You need 89 points to win.

That's three strikes in a row.

Yeah, I know.

Thank you It's called a turkey.

You know that right odd, but okay

How rare is a turkey in
bowling very good

That's one.

That's one.

Bye.

So that, that, that was two?

-Yeah, yeah.
-That was two?
-One more.

Just so we're all sure, that was two?

-Right.
-You counting?
-Is that two?

All right.

How do you like your turkey?

A turkey!

That's a turkey!

Well played.

-Yeah.
-That's good.

♪

I'm an actor.

I need my phone. I've been cut
off for over a week now.

I had to use a payphone
to call my agent.

You know how hard those are to find?

Uh, I'll call you back.

Hi, how are you?

I'm really looking forward to getting
this up on its feet with you.

Oh yeah, me too.

Okay, I'm just gonna come out and ask.

Are you ghosting me?

What? It's just you haven't responded
to any of my texts or calls lately.

Oh, so you messaged me.

Uh, yeah.

A bunch.

Oh, uh, I'm sorry.

It's just I, um...

I lost my phone.

Oh, well, why didn't you just say?

Yeah, I don't know.

After what you said about the
whole no dating co-stars

thing, I thought maybe you changed
your mind and I didn't

want to assume that you sent
me a message and you didn't

bring up the date during rehearsal, so
I didn't want to press the matter.

That's why I didn't say
anything either.

So you didn't change your mind?

No, no.

I had such a good time.

Me too. Jeez, I should
have just told you.

Well, we can talk more
after rehearsal.

Maybe grab a drink?

Yeah, that'd be great.

Okay.

I'll see you on stage.

Okay.

No, it's fine.

It's a popular time of
year, I understand.

Thanks.

Oh, another letdown.

I don't think I'm ever
gonna find a place

for my aunt and uncle's
anniversary party.

Hey, did you try Giorgino?

It was my first call.

It's the perfect venue and booked
solid for the next decade.

We'll find somewhere.

Don't worry, I'm sure of it.

I hope so.

Tap dancing?

No.

Then spit it out.

-Okay.
-He is not ghosting me.

It was a miscommunication.

He just lost his phone.

And?

And we're going on another date.

-Ooh!
-How about you?

Any more lined up?

Seven more failed dates
to go, then I win and

get the chronicle job I
thought I already had.

I'm meeting with Joseph shortly to get
the deets on Mr. Wrong number two.

-Hmm.
-Hey, so maybe it's just me, but

this Joseph seems, um,
interesting, no?

If by interesting you mean arrogant
and competitive, then yeah.

Yeah, it sounds like someone
else I know.

Mm-hmm.

To be fair, we got a little
sidetracked and wound up

going bowling last night, and
he was actually pretty good.

You only take the special
ones bowling.

-It wasn't like that.
-Who won?

He did.

Oh!

Kate, no.

I know.

But, like, I let him win.

Oh, yeah, of course you did.

♪

Yee-haw!

No late afternoon waffle-me-up?

Um, no.

Decided to cut back.

So, I've been thinking.

Say Hal freezes over and you actually

win this competition and
find my true love.

Do you really think you have what it
takes to write a daily column?

Of course. I deal with relationships
all the time.

You see, I really care about the
people I help, and if the

unthinkable happens and you get the job,
I need to know that you're up to it.

I think I can provide some
valuable insight, yeah.

Well, let's test that.

Dear Kate, I've been dating
my best friend

for three years, and last
Christmas he proposed.

It was at a family gathering, so
I felt I couldn't say no, but

now a few months later, I'm wondering
if I made the right choice.

I love him, but I'm worried
that he might

be my best friend and not
the love of my life.

How can I be sure?

Go.

-Go?
-Go?
-Go what?

What are we doing? This is the
biggest part of my job.

How would you respond to her?

I know.

I would, um...

-Uh-huh.
-Okay.

Uh, no, no. Okay. Look, um, I would
say that it's completely

normal to feel nervous about
a life-changing decision, but if

this person is your best friend, then
you tell them your concerns.

That's what they're there for.

Communication is key.

Beginner's luck.

Oh!

Ah.

Okay, don't throw your back out.

And I would add that part of
the reason I developed

this technology was to remove
doubts just like this.

Well, so far, you're batting zero.

Baseball terminology.

Maybe.

Well, I've tweaked the algorithm,
broadened the search, and

found someone that I think will
make me most valuable player.

Okay.

How do you feel about country music?

♪

♪

Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry that...

Did you just slap your thigh?

I didn't think anyone actually
ever did that.

Is that really a thing, too?

Oh, only if we're really happy.

Oh.

Honestly, when I walked in and
saw the cowboy hat, I was

kind of dreading this, but I'm
having a really good time.

If you'll excuse me, I need to
use the little catwalk in.

Mm-hmm.

Heh heh.

Hey, you.

Now, where were we?

Oh, before I forget, the waiter came by
and told me that you had a phone call.

Isn't the service here terrific?

It certainly is.

Your wife called.

Let me see if I got this right.

Your daughter has been sent
home sick from school, so

please pick up some chicken
soup on the way home from

your work meeting, because
we all know that the most

important part of curing a sickness
is to stay hydrated.

Hello.

Wow.

You look amazing.

How'd the date go?

Great.

He was married.

-What?
-Yeah.

Oh, God.

Kate, I'm so sorry.

I had no idea.

I think your algorithm
needs an algorithm.

Okay. Aside from the whole marriage
part, was it a good match?

Yeah.

Obviously, he's an idiot
and he's blacklisted

from now on, but it's clear
I'm on the right path.

So, do you, like, sleep here, or...?

No, of course not.

But it is open 24 hours.

Can I get you coffee, apology waffle?

I'm good.

You know, I've been doing some background
reading on your family.

Oh, we are fantastic, aren't we?

Yes, you are, and you weren't
kidding about legacy.

There are some amazing
stories in there.

Which means my part of the competition
is shaping up quite nicely.

We are still on for tomorrow, yeah?

Yeah, so try and get some sleep.

Will do.

And Kate...

I really am sorry.

I'll make it up to you.

♪

♪

Hey, Nancy, what's up?

Georgino is available.

What?

How?

I put your name on the wait list
with zero hope, but the

manager just called me and said that
somebody canceled their event.

So get down there with the
deposit, and we are in.

Oh, you are so awesome.

Okay, I'm gonna head there now and give
him a check and sign the agreement.

Yes!

Ooh, Nance, I gotta go.

Love you.

-Hello?
-Hi.
-Uh, just checking in.

How's the profile going?

Oh, great.

I'm almost done, and I think
you're gonna love it.

Ooh, um, you know what?

-I gotta go.
-Long story.
-What?

Hello?

Hey, we're still meeting today, right?

I'm at the diner.

Ooh, I gotta cancel.

Uh, I've got more dates to go over.

Okay, well, meet me at Giordano
in 15 minutes.

Hello?

Well, hello, darling.

How did you get this number?

Tear it up, shred it, tear it
up again, and then burn it.

♪

Don't worry about it.

Nice place.

It's the perfect place.

So what's going on here?

Well, nothing now.

I've been searching the city
for a special place to

throw my aunt and uncle a surprise
anniversary party.

The unthinkable happened, and this
place had a cancellation.

So what's the problem?

The additional cost for short
notice, changeover of

staff, last minute booking fee,
and a 25% customary surcharge?

Can you really put a
price on happiness?

-Yikes.
-I guess you can.

Better leave before he adds
a few more zeros.

Look, I know you've probably
checked out all

sorts of places, but pretty
good at research.

Maybe I can give you a hand.

You'd do that for me?

Yeah, why not?

OK, well, maybe having
someone make some

choices for me isn't as
bad as it sounds.

Then it is the least I can do after
the whole Mary Cowboy incident.

Right, you didn't by chance give that
rodeo rider my number, did you?

I did.

-Problem?
-What were you thinking?

Well, if I can't find you a date, at
least I can help you find a venue.

Thanks.

So, you want to go discuss the next
candidates for your dates?

I've got some great ones lined up.

You know, I'm not really
in the mood right now.

Do you think we can reschedule?

Okay.

Well, how about some more background on
your stunning profile on me, then?

Take a rain check on that, too.

-Oh, yeah.
-Literally.
-Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, I'm starting to think
that you don't actually want

to finish this thing and you just
fancy hanging out with me.

You wish.

No, I, um...

I just need to be alone for a bit.

Yeah.

Okay.

-Bye.
-Bye.

Everything okay, kiddo?

Fine.

Just trying to bowl out a
few issues, that's all.

Can I help?

Do you think I'm too picky?

Nothing wrong with being picky.

Really?

Okay, what about when it comes to,
say, planning something special,

chasing your dream career, or finding
a relationship that matters in life?

Sorry, are we still talking
about bowling here?

I could go either way,
just give me a hint.

I'm just starting to wonder.

I mean, I keep telling people that
once they find the spark,

it's undeniable, but how can I say
that when I haven't found it yet?

This makes me feel like a fraud.

Nobody talks about my needs like that.

I don't exactly have the
best track record.

I mean, I tried so hard in my last

relationship, even though
I knew it wasn't right.

Since then, it's just been
bad date after bad date.

What happens when something
comes along that

doesn't quite line up with
everything you believed?

Maybe I'm wrong about the spark.

Maybe I should be more
open to options.

You remember when we first started thinking
about a custom ball for you, right?

All the different styles we tried out.

Weights, designs, hole placements.

I don't really think that compares.

It does, it does.

Look, I've never known
anybody to be so

picky initially about, you
know, a bowling ball.

But you tried out different things.

You were open to options.

And when you finally weighed in on all

the options, the ball you
picked was perfect.

It was, wasn't it?

Once you know, you know.

Come on, give it a whirl.

That's what I'm talking
about, right there.

So, no news on the soap opera?

Yeah, I'm not being impatient.

Look, I just really need the money.

There's got to be something.

I'll do anything.

Oh.

Hey, is everything okay?

Yeah, everything is perfect
now that you're here.

You know, if there's something
wrong, you can tell me.

Everything's fine, honestly.

I know how tough this
job can be, okay?

I was on the verge of
quitting last year.

You got to keep the faith.

Everything's gonna work out.

Okay, no matter how desperate
things get or how behind you

are on your rent or your cell phone
bill, we're just trying

to figure out where your next dollar's
gonna come from, you know?

Charlie, are you sure that
everything's okay?

Everything's fine.

It's just, it's hard to imagine
you giving up acting.

We never would have met.

You're such a charmer.

Hello.

How are you?

Working hard or hardly working?

Oh, hilarious.

Did you write that?

-I did.
-Yeah?

-Yeah.
-You know what else I did?

I went and checked out some of
the places you suggested.

One of them was almost perfect.

Good.

Almost. There was a construction
site out

front, and I could barely
hear myself think.

Well, we're not going to
give up that easy.

Come on.

-Come on.
-I'm not going to bite.

We are going to find you a venue.

Okay.

All right.

Now, this one, I went to a launch
party for a fashion line.

That's where I met your cowboy friend.

Ugh.

Yeah.

Place looks great, though.

I'm open to options.

Okay.

This one's beautiful.

Beautiful decor, a decent price.

But, oh, no.

No, your cousin Jean and her bad hip,

they're not going to like
going up these stairs.

So, this place is out.

You remember that?

Yeah.

Of course.

Oh, I didn't think you listened
to me ramble.

Kidding.

Our coffee and waffle get-togethers
are the highlight of my day.

Okay.

I'm just going to send
you a list of these.

Obviously, they're not
going to be as good

as Giorgino, but it seems
like you are in need.

Thanks.

I really appreciate it.

♪

I've got a bunch of potential
dates to go over, too.

I've got a great feeling
about these guys.

You're gonna have a lot to live up to.

I mean, just because it's...

You know, there's so many
great guys in this city.

It's a big turn of phrase.

Hi, can I have a coffee, please?

Thank you.

Hmm.

Yeah!

So, is this your first time here?

♪

♪

♪

Hello, Glenn.

Kate, have you got anything for
me on that profile piece?

I'm kind of under the gun here.

-Mm-hmm.
-I'm almost done, I swear.

And what about the competition?

I'm gonna need the winner
to start next week.

Right, he still has two dates
left to find my match.

And?

And I guess we'll just have
to see how it plays out.

All right, keep me informed.

Hiya. Hey, I hate to bother you, but do
you have any news on my next date?

Glenn's hounding me for an update.

Yeah, he just gave me the gears too.

Well?

Uh, not yet, but soon.

Are you okay?

You seem stressed.

Yeah, of course I'm stressed.

I've only got two dates to go and my
software's not finding a match.

I mean, what am I missing?

Well, maybe I'm lying.

There's no pride in winning
if you don't do it right.

Heh.

Know me so well.

Yeah, well, I've got detailed files.

Okay, bye.

♪

Who?

Mother!

I wasn't expecting you.

I can see that. What a
pleasant surprise.

I thought you might need
the old-fashioned touch

to put this job competition
thing over the line.

Oh, that's so sweet, but I've got all
the data I need to see this through.

Oh. I called in the last of my favors
to make sure the job was yours.

Instead, you allow a total stranger
to compete with you.

Oh, she's not some stranger.

And I'll figure this out.

I'm so close.

I'm certain you believe that.

However, this has to be a success.

So I'm taking over operations.

Mother, I can do this if
you just trust me.

Now, this software you have, it contains
everything about this woman, correct?

Her likes, her dislikes, her passions.

Well, yeah.

Good. Then we will create
her perfect match.

What?

I've already been in touch with
an actor, and with your

detailed information, we will
create her perfect match.

Oh, you can't trick her.

That's immoral.

It goes completely against
my integrity.

Oh, really?

You're the one who agreed to
this foolish competition.

Look, you have done your best
and been found wanting.

And if we fail, then the business, our

income, and the family legacy
are all ruined.

Do you want that on your conscience?

No, but if you just give me
a little more time...

I've arranged for an actor
to meet you tomorrow.

You're going to use all the information
you have to create her perfect date.

She only needs to believe it
until the job is secure.

Understood?

Yes.

Yeah.

Oh, excuse me.

Tea, milk, no sugar.

Thank you.

So, one tea, milk, no sugar.

I hope one of these venues works out.

Joseph really went the extra
mile to find them.

Joseph this, Joseph that.

Why don't you just ask
him out already?

-What?
-No.
-Why not?

I mean, you took him bowling.

I don't think he realizes
how lucky he is.

I gotta say, it feels great
having a boyfriend.

Wait, are you official now?

-Yep.
-Jump in.

The water's fine.

I'm so happy for you.

When can I meet him?

Soon, I hope.

But right now we have a venue to find.

Okay, let's go.

You have a boyfriend?

I have a boyfriend.

Hey, are you Joseph?

You must be Charlie.

Yeah, I spoke with your mother.

You're a bit short.

She tends to like a taller man.

Well, I'm an actor.

I could, uh, just act taller.

-Sit down.
-We've got work to do.

So, what do you think?

I think we've seen five places
today and none of them work.

No, what about the Fifth Avenue place?

There were no windows.

The one on the Upper East Side?

Pretty sure I saw a rat in the corner.

I mean, that last place was okay.

And it's available.

Yeah.

Should we book it?

My party's in two days.

I don't think we have a choice.

We can make it work.

We just need the right decorations, a

few balloons here and there,
some garlands.

It'll be beautiful, I swear.

Okay.

Yeah.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?

Not enough if I'm being honest.

Okay, just to be clear, I
do not approve of this.

Yeah, no judgment.

I-I just really need the money.

Great.

Your name is David Steer.

Okay. This is a list of your
characteristics, interests, and traits.

Right.

What am I doing?

I need you to memorize this information,
internalize it, become

this character, and then I want you to
go on one date as this character.

Oh, but I have a girlfriend.

That's perfect.

Okay.

Look, I just need this woman,
Kate, to feel like she's

met her perfect match, that she
feels she has the spark.

Wow, that's a lot of pressure.

Tell me about it.

Can we rehearse?

Rehearse what?

Well, I need to rehearse so I can really
embody the character, you know?

How do you rehearse a date?

What do you want me to...

Oh, uh, you just say, from the top.

From the top.

You must be Kate.

Wow, you look sensational.

I'm David Steer.

Pleasure to meet you. No,
well, no, hold on.

Why are you copying my accent?

I'm not copying your accent.

I am simply speaking
in my normal voice.

Oh, this is off-putting.

Okay.

This isn't gonna work if
you don't play along.

You have to be her.

I'm so sorry.

This is not what I normally do.

Just give it a try.

So lovely to meet you.

David, my name is Kate.

You as well.

So, Kate, tell me about yourself.

Well, I am a writer.

I run a dating blog called
The Love Spark.

I give relationship advice.

-Ah, yes.
-I'm a big fan.

It must be an extremely rewarding job.

-It is.
-I love it.

What do you do?

Oh, I'm a doctor.

I spent several years
overseas with the

Red Cross, lending my services
to the needy.

So, why did you bring me to a
diner for our first date?

Well, uh, uh, cos...

No, no, it's too slow, mate.

-Come on.
-Come on.

-I'm sorry.
-Back to the top.

You must be Kate.

Wow, you look sensational.

I'm David Steer.

Pleasure to meet you.
Lovely to meet you.

Why did you bring me to
a diner for our date?

Oh, it's simply just a meeting spot.

I'm not a fan of eating
on a first date.

I was going to suggest
a walk, perhaps?

Sounds right up my alley.

Tell me, are you a family man?

Oh, more than anything.

They're a constant source of inspiration
that I owe them everything.

Now, if we were to play a game,
would you let me win?

Oh, of course not, because that would
have ruined the fun of playing.

Okay, let's talk personal choices.

Are you a doer or a thinker?

Okay, sorry, don't want
to ruin the flow or

anything, but it feels more like
an interrogation than a date.

Look, I just...

I need you to internalise all of this

information, and do we really
need the accent?

Oh, but it's so charming.

Okay, now you're just
making fun of me.

Also, it's a quality that she enjoys.

We can find another actor.

I can lose it.

Oh, God.

It's Kate.

Hide!

Hide!

-Hello!
-Hey!

How you doing?

-Hi.
-Good to see you.

Fine.

Are you okay?

Yeah, good, good, great.

Yeah, all good. Why? Yeah,
why wouldn't I be?

Okay.

Uh, well, I'm actually here.

And feel free to say no, but
I was wondering if you

wanted to come to the anniversary
party this weekend.

Really?

Yeah.

You've just been such a big help.

And I'd like to have you around.

Okay, well, if you put it
that way, I'd love to.

Great. I will put you
on the guest list.

Gotta go.

Many balloons to buy.

Kate, um...

Yes?

I've got a date for you.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I just
found a new match.

Really excited about this one.

I think I finally figured it out.

And when is it?

♪

Tonight?

It's a little last minute, but
I guess I can make it work.

Text me the details.

Okay.

Cheers.

All right.

Curtain call at eight.

♪

Hello.

You must be Kate.

Wow.

You look sensational.

I'm David Sear.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

It's lovely to meet you, David.

Not too bad yourself.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

I agree.

So there's a great Thai place nearby.

You want to grab some dinner?

I'm happy to take your lead.

Shall we have a straw first?

That'd be nice.

I really do love this
city, but I don't

think I'll quite get over
the scale of it.

I found it a little overwhelming
at first.

Me too.

I don't think I barely would have left my
apartment if it wasn't for my uncle.

He drove a cab and helped
me find my feet.

Don't know what I would
have done without him.

I had a similar thing.

My Uncle Sal has a bowling alley,
and he kind of took me in.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm more of a bocce ball man myself.

Well, the skills do translate.

Trust me.

Really?

Hmm.

Uh, so, what's the worst
thing you've ever done?

The worst thing?

-Mm-hmm.
-It's a first date.

You're going to be giving your best
impression, which you are.

Thank you.

Sometimes.

But I think we should
balance things out.

I don't think I should say.

I must be juicy then.

Well, how about you go first?

OK.

I poisoned a girl.

OK, uh, I'm out.

No, I was six.

It was revenge against a bully.

Oh, OK.

I took my milk from recess and kept it
in my bag unopened for like a week.

-What?
-Eventually it turned.

And then one recess,
I took my milk that

had gone rotten and switched
it with her milk.

You're kidding. The look
on her face when

she took that first wig,
it was glorious.

I don't know if I should
be scared or impressed.

Why not both?

I guess I could.

Oh, gosh, is that the time?

I have a big day of prep tomorrow.

I really should get going.

Really?

Time flies, huh?

I've been on so many of
these dates recently

that it started to feel
like work, you know?

Really?

Yeah, but this has been effortless.

I had a great time.

Lucky number seven.

Oh, my favorite number.

You're a great date, Joseph.

Oh, it's David.

Oh my, I am so sorry.

No, it's, it's, it's, no.

It's just that the accent,
it kind of threw me.

Of course, it's fine, yes.

I'm going to go before I put
my foot in my mouth.

We'll do this again?

I can't wait.

Bye, David.

Bye.

That seemed to go well, right?

I thought I told you
to drop the accent.

Yeah, but I kind of just
went with it, you know?

Wanted to stay in the moment.

You did wonderfully, young man.

-Thank you.
-We may salvage this yet.

Don't you think, Joseph?

Does she want to see you again?

I mean, she suggested it.

Well, that's not happening.

Of course not.

I'm still getting paid, though, right?

Of course.

We'll drop a check for you
in the post tomorrow.

Oh, I'm more of a cash
man, if you don't

mind dropping it off at
the theater tomorrow.

Yeah, great.

See you tomorrow.

Nice fellow.

Yeah.

No luck tonight, huh?

In every possible way.

Look, Joseph, I know she's
got a tough exterior,

you know, but she's a real
sweetheart underneath.

Don't let her scare you away.

But once she likes you, she'll
like you forever.

I don't know about that.

Well, we'll see.

Cheers.

Cheers.

♪

Dear readers, this is hard to admit,
but I may have been wrong.

Joseph Webster and his
modern approach to

matchmaking may be the
real thing after all.

I have to admit that the journey
I was assigned to and its

final destination produced a result
that I never would have expected.

♪

♪

Well, hello.

Hi, lady.

Good day, sir.

How was it?

How was what?

Oh, uh, your gig last night.

Some immersive reality
theater thing, right?

Oh, right, yeah. It was
immersive, all right.

Oh, okay.

Will you be doing any more?

Oh, no, I think it was
just a one-off thing.

Oh, you found your phone.

-Yeah, I did.
-Who's that?

Oh, it's, uh, it's nobody.

Well, listen, I'm glad it
was a one-off because

we open in a week, and we
really need to focus.

I think this could be really special.

The show or us?

Both, but I meant the
show specifically.

No offense.

Could really do with a hit.

-Yeah.
-Tell me about it.

Maybe we should ease off on the
fancy restaurants for a while.

-Sure.
-I'm a pretty good cook.

Now you're talking.

What do you try my mac and cheese?

It's amazing.

Look, I'm not too big to admit this.

David was actually a
guy named Charlie.

We engineered him to
be a perfect match.

But when I saw how much fun you
were having, I realized how jealous I was.

How that should have been me.

Look, I know things are complicated,
and we've got this

dumb competition, but I think
you might feel the same way.

Am I right?

Okay, I'll just have another
cup of coffee.

Talking to the help again?

Look, this...

this isn't right.

This is a success.

She is besotted, which
is all that matters.

It's the perfect way to launch in
the U.S., and whether you're a

little bit of tech works or not,
we'll be inundated with offers.

But it's not fair to Kate.

Look, I've got to tell her the truth.

And what good will that do?

Do you think she'll still respect you?

Do you think matchmaking
is about love?

Don't be so naive.

It's about circumstance, about needs.

It's about finding the right
suitor to advance

your social standing, to
increase your wealth.

Marrying well has never had
anything to do with love.

But my software could
change all of that.

Joseph, darling, the deed is done.

Be grateful for my help.

All right, I've got to get some air.

And, Mother, I think it would be best
if you weren't here when I return.

Joseph!

-Joseph.
-Oh, hey, hi.

Are you okay?

Fine, yeah, no, fine.

I just needed some air.

You good?

I'm busy.

Still a lot of prep to
do for the party.

Right. But I was passing
by and, well, I

hate to admit it, David
was pretty great.

Really?

It's too soon to say, but I think
I felt a hint of a spark.

As difficult as this is for me, I'm
almost ready to admit defeat.

I mean, that's good.

It's really good.

Good?

That's all you have to say?

I was expecting, like,
a victory dance or...

No, I'm thrilled, honestly.

Yeah.

Are you sure you're okay?

I'm just happy it worked out.

That's what this is all about, right?

If you have something to say,
you can talk to me.

I know it's weird with the
job between us and

everything, but I like to
think we're close, no?

Yeah, it's complicated.

What is?

Look, I just, you know, I gotta run.

I really gotta run.

I'm so sorry.

Hi.

Okay, so, the guests are all here.

The decorations are in your apartment.

I've spoken to a florist who's gonna
do all the table settings.

Oh, and my uncle, Rafael, is going to
supply a case of premium champagne.

Oh, you are amazing.

I don't know what I would
do without y'all.

Kate, can you please
get off your phone?

I mean, you meet one cute guy and
you turn into a teenager.

Uh-huh.

Oh, and I've also spoken to the president
of the United States.

Uh-huh. And he's arranged for the
Blue Angels to do a flyover.

Yeah?

Yeah, and he also suggested
that we invite, you

know, a few aliens just as a kind
gesture to all mankind.

Great.

Kate.

I'm sorry.

I've been trying to get in touch with
Joseph all day, and he won't answer.

I'm kind of worried about him.

Why?

He just seemed really
off this morning.

I mean, the job's practically his.

You'd think he'd be thrilled, right?

Wait, are you telling me that Mr. Wright
might have a little competition?

I don't know.

I mean, I was thinking about all the

things that I really enjoyed
about the date.

His candor, his confidence,
our banter.

His accent.

Okay, yes, his accent.

And I realized that it reminded
me of hanging out with Joseph.

Is that crazy?

If you have the spark,
it's undeniable.

That's really bad advice.

This is thrilling.

I want to keep talking about it
in detail, but I'm going to be

late for dress rehearsal, so I'm going
to call you right after, okay?

-Okay.
-Okay, bye.
-Bye.

♪

Where is my party planner, Newbug?

Nancy!

♪

-Yes!
-I've figured it out!

I've figured it out!

Okay!

♪

-Joseph, hi.
-Where have you been?

I've been trying to call you all day.

Look, Kate, where are you?

I'm just tracking Nancy down.

She took my notebook by accident.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

Listen, I've got something
I really need you to see.

And I really want to talk
to you about something.

Listen, I've got to run
a quick errand.

Why don't you meet me back at the diner
once you've got your notebook back?

I'll see you soon.

waffles for everyone you
get a waffle you

get a waffle you get you're okay

♪

Oh, Miss Woodhouse.

Mr. Knightley.

Um, is that the script we're
supposed to be outbook?

It's my friend's notebook.

Oh.

Start again?

Take it from the top.

Okay.

-Ms.
-Woodhouse?

-Ms.
-Denightly.
-Nancy.

Oh, Kate, I took your notebook.

I'm so sorry.

David?

What?

No, this is my boyfriend, Charlie.

Charlie, this is my best friend, Kate.

This is David, the new guy I
went out with last night.

What?

Okay, listen, I, uh...

-Charlie.
-It's not what you think.

It was just an acting job. I need
the money, and Nance...

-Leave me alone.
-Nancy, I didn't know.

Okay, you have two minutes to explain
to me what the heck is going on.

Why did you lie to me
about who you were?

Okay, I didn't lie.

-I was acting.
-It was just a job.

I didn't know who you were.

Great, and now Nancy
thinks I'm a liar.

What do you mean it was a job?

I was gonna be evicted
from my apartment.

I would have to leave the city,
leave the play, leave Nancy.

I didn't have a choice.

I don't want to lose her.

Okay, well, I don't think you have
much say in that anymore.

What do you mean it was an acting job?

Who hired you?

Hey, Charlie, so sorry.

I've got your cash.

Care to explain yourself?

Look, I didn't want to do this.

This wasn't my idea at all.

I know how this looks, but if you
would just let me explain.

I thought that we were...
I thought we were

two, but just give me one
moment to explain.

Kate, please.

Actually, forget it.
You've done enough.

Come on, Kate.

And scene!

Brilliant!

See, that'll play.

I'm still getting paid, right?

♪

♪

♪

Joseph Webster is a fraud.

You ever meet someone and think
it was too good to be true?

Well, my dearest readers,
sometimes it is.

Let me tell you a little story about Joseph
Webster, so-called matchmaker.

And that's why every romantic
fairy tale Joseph Webster

tries to sell you will always
end in bitter heartbreak.

That's quite the story.

Sure is, and it's gonna be a great
first piece of the Chronicle.

He cheated. I win. Okay, listen,
this is a delicate matter.

And the truth.

Yeah, but a deal is a deal.

He had eight dates to find
you a perfect match.

And that deal expired when he cheated.

He has one date left.

You're not serious.

After the actor stunt?

Listen, I want you.

The owner's still leaning to him.

You have to see it through,
for my sake.

Oh, great.

Okay, okay, for the record,
I think what

he did, that was a lousy thing.

Then disqualify him and
give me the job.

One more date, and you're home free.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm so sorry that this happened, but
I had no idea he was your boyfriend.

If I had even the slightest
hint, I would have left

immediately, and I can assure
you that nothing happened.

Not even a handhold.

I was hired by Joseph, who
used all of my data

to create the perfect date
for me so he'd win.

Okay, I understand if you're not ready
to talk about this yet, but for

the record, in the brief moment before
I realized who he was and I just

saw the two of you together, you looked
happier than I've ever seen you.

You were glowing.

I think you should give him
a chance to explain.

Think about it.

Sorry, I'll be out of
here in a second.

-I talked to the understudy.
-He's good.

The show will work.

Charlie, I...

I think you should stay.

My parents were right.

I'm not cut out for this.

I would've quit weeks ago if
it wasn't for you, but then

my agent got me this weird gig,
and I needed the money,

and I didn't want to do it, but
I also didn't want to leave.

Turns out you were the only reason I was
staying, and I messed that up, too.

I'm sorry.

I'm not sure I'll be able to
forgive you yet, but I know

for certain this show will be worse
without you in it, so...

you have to stay, okay?

Okay.

Dahlia, you weren't answering
your phone.

Shocking.

So I decided to come here and make
an attempt at explaining the unforgivable.

OK, well, I don't really have time for
this because it's the party today.

You're no longer invited, by the way.

Look, look, I just wanted to come by
and tell you that you were right.

You know how hard it is
for me to admit that.

Mm-hmm.

Right about what? Why
I was doing this.

I wanted to act like
this was all about

helping people, helping
them fall in love.

And while that's true,
the real reason I was

doing this is in search of
my family's validation.

When my mother suggested the actor,
I didn't want to do it.

It goes completely against
everything I stand for.

But I was under such pressure
to fix this

algorithm situation that
I went along with it.

I'm hoping at the very least
that you'll understand

the lengths people will go
to to help their family.

Not that that's an excuse.

Listen, I'm never going
to forgive myself.

And I don't expect you
to forgive me either.

I just needed to come
here and give you an

explanation and to tell you
how sorry I really am.

I'm.

I'm not done.

Please, I know I have no real right to

say this, but the competition's
not over yet.

Is it?

I still have one more
chance left, right?

Despite my better judgment,
Glenn agrees.

Well, I finally figured out what
was missing in my code.

I really do think I found
the right person.

So you want to break my heart,
lie to me, and steal my job?

No, I don't care about the job.

I want you to have the job, really.

You don't care about the job?

Not as much as I care about you.

Look, please.

Kate, please promise
me you'll be there.

I'll send you the details.

Guess I don't have a choice.

Are you done?

I hope I can prove myself
with this last

date, but it doesn't make
up for the lie.

I wasn't sure I was going to catch you, so
I slipped something under your door.

Just consider it a small gesture
for my bad behavior.

Bye, Kate.

Knock, knock.

Nancy.

Olive Branch.

Thank God.

Okay.

Okay, hey, hey, go easy.

You're gonna crack her rib.

Thank you so much.

Did you really think you could do
all of this all by yourself?

Not a chance.

Okay, so I'll get started
on the balloons.

You do the seating plan.

I need to call one of the guys
from the bowling alley.

What?

Kate, what is it?

He said he was making a gesture.

Joseph booked you Giorgino?

Fully staffed, fully catered.

The works.

I mean, that is a heck of a gesture.

Yeah, well, it's the
least he could do.

I mean, the least he could do
was a box of chocolates.

This is incredible.

Yes, it is.

Okay, I need to start
calling the guests.

I know, right?

Oh, shh.

Tickle, tickle.

Yeah, I mean, it's a busy place just
for a couple of dinner dates.

I mean, we're going to lose Dennis.

Surprise!

Oh!

Oh!

Hey, you!

Happy anniversary!

You did all this?

Well, I had a lot of help.

Oh, you deserve it.

Boy, boy.

You almost gave Saul here
a heart attack.

Oh, I don't spook as easy as that.

I got the heart of a bull.

-I am.
-I've had like three.

What is Charlie doing here?

I invited him.

I told you, you were glowing.

Nancy, I...

Okay, this was a mistake.

I shouldn't have come. I've
seen Nancy with other

guys over the years, and I
think you're the first

one she really liked, so the first
one that really hurts.

Just give her some time.

Yeah, you're probably right.

I kind of give relationship
advice for a living.

Right.

Also, whoa, mama, this
place is awesome.

Look at that.

Look at this.

Did you know this is real?

You are so much more goofy when
you're being yourself.

-Thanks.
-I mean it as a compliment.

You're a terrific actor.

Certainly had me going.

Oh, yeah, about that, I didn't really
have a lot of time to prepare.

I was basically just impersonating
Joseph.

They're free.

♪

Hey, I'm Charlie.

Nice to meet you.

Nancy.

So, your friend tells
me you're an actor.

-Mm-hmm.
-I'm an actor, too.

Really?

-Yeah.
-Been in anything I know?

Well, I'm actually in this play.

It's off, off, off-Broadway.

The leading lady in it,
knock your socks off.

Is she really that good?

Oh, she's good.

So good, I took any job I could
just to stay in town.

But I ended up ruining everything.

Probably the biggest freak
out of my life.

Ouch.

Do you think you'll be able
to recover from it?

I don't know.

But...

But I'll spend my life trying.

-Hello.
-Hi.

I hate these things, so I will
try to keep it brief.

But I just wanted to
thank everyone for

coming here and for keeping
it a secret.

I am so thrilled to be able to celebrate
the ultimate couple, Sal and Mimi.

Whoo!

Now, some of you may know that
a few years ago, I started

a blog called The Love Spark,
where I dish out

relationship advice to couples and singles
from all over the country.

But what you may not know
is that the title

is directly inspired by
these two lovebirds.

The love spark.

That moment when you just know that
you're meant for each other.

When I was a kid, they
would tell me stories

about how when they first
met, they just knew.

They had the spark, and once you
have that, everything's easy.

They're my inspiration, my role models,
and I'd like everyone to

raise a glass in celebration of 40
years of love to Sal and Mimi!

-Whoo!
-Let's get this party started!

Oh, there they are. Well, kid,
you have outdone yourself.

Thank you so much, Kate.

This means the world to us.

Oh, hey, I owe you.

I never would have made it in
this city without you two.

And I never would have started
my blog if I didn't

have such a good blueprint of
the perfect relationship.

Yeah, uh, about that, um.

Want to tell her?

Yeah, sure, sweetie.

Okay.

-Hey.
-Hey.

Tell me what?

Well, you know how you mentioned
that, uh, that

instant spark between us
that, uh, inspired you?

Yeah. When you first met,
you had the spark, and

you knew right away you were
meant for each other.

The thing is, kiddo, that's not
exactly how it went down.

Okay.

Well, yeah, I mean, eventually, sure.

You know, but, uh, well, the
only reason we met in

the first place is because
I crashed into her car.

So it was kind of a rough start.

You know, um, we exchanged
insurance details.

Obviously, I'm thinking, she's a total

knockout, but she'll never go
out with a guy like me.

But I asked her out anyway.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't instant.

She said no, yeah.

Said no a lot.

But I was tenacious.

Also, I was charming.

And after a while, I
won her over, yeah.

We went on a few dates.

It was a little bit rocky,
but, uh, we grew closer.

So the spark is a lie?

Are you kidding me?

What?

I mean, all my life I've
been living by this

idea that when you met, you
knew it was meant to be.

Well, we did.

It was. It just took a little
bit of time, that's all.

Why would you never tell
me the full story?

Katie, I'm sure we did.

No, you did not.

Katie, it's not like it's not true.

It's just a little more complicated.

What in life isn't?

You okay?

Yeah, it's just a lot to take in.

Can I ask you a small favor?

Anything.

It's way later than I expected, and I left
Al in charge of the bowling alley.

Of course, I will lock up for you.

You're a peach.

Love you, sweetheart.

-Love you.
-Thank you.
-Welcome.

Hey.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm just doing a
little re-evaluating.

Mm-hmm.

I take it you two are well.

Let's just say I'm happy
you invited him.

We're gonna go for a nightcap.

You wanna come? Oh, I wish I could, but
I'm gonna do a favor for my uncle.

Okay.

-Have a good night.
-Love you.

Have fun, you two.

♪

♪

Are you ready for your last date?

Time for a quick game?

Uncle Thao.

You know, your uncle's a wise man.

He helped me see things that were,
in fact, right in front of me.

Mm-hmm.

What's that?

Well, you see, my program worked.

Kind of.

I built these perfect
profiles and thought

all I needed to do was match
people together.

But it was you who helped me
see what I was missing.

Imagining similar people doesn't work
because you need that extra something.

Disagreement, that slight annoyance.

You need friction.

Because without friction,
you can't make a...

A spark.

Yeah, that's what I was going for.

That's a catchy title.

You know, I'm gonna need a very,
very long time to forgive you.

And that's completely reasonable and
understandable on your part.

Like a really, really,
really long time.

Well, I'm not going anywhere,
so my time assumes.

So I guess a rocky start doesn't

mean that two people can't...

Make a wonderful finish?

It just makes things more complicated.

What in life isn't?

♪

♪

So who gets the job?

Who cares?

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