Original subtitles

♪ Touché away! ♪

[theme music]

[water splashing]

♪ Touché away! ♪

[swoosh]

♪ Touché away! ♪

[clanking]

♪ It's Touché Turtle! ♪♪

[theme music]

[male narrator] Station COD had the most popular program

on television and this is why.

[male 1] And now, here is your friend from Mars

Captain Martian.

[laughing]

[speaking gibberish]

That's Martian for "Hiya."

[giggles]

[male narrator] Meanwhile in outer space

Captain Martian had an unexpected viewer

the Great Granooka, ruler of all Mars.

Well, kiddies, today I will continue our discussion

of how we live on Mars.

I have heard enough.

These TV Earthlings are giving the wrong impression

of our planet.

[whistling]

Yes, Your Martian Majesty.

Prepare my royal saucer.

I am going to teach that phony baloney

Captain Martian a lesson.

[Captain Martian] And so, kiddies, until next time, as they say on Mars...

[speaking gibberish]

And a...

[repeating gibberish] ...to you too.

[shot fired]

What's this?

"'Stop your phoney Martian program'

"'or we will stop it for you.'

Signed, the Great Granooka of Mars."

[gasping] A real Martian?

Help, CJ! Help!

[swoosh]

I tell you, CJ, the Martians are out to get me.

[CJ] Nonsense, my boy.

This is undoubtedly the work of some crank.

Remember, you are the fearless Captain Martian.

Martian-smartian, I'm Sylvester Twerp from Canarsie

and I'm scared stiff.

Will you go on with the show if I get you protection?

Sure, but who's gonna protect me from a real Martian?

[phone clanks]

Send for Touché Turtle.

The show will go on, CJ.

Dum Dum and I will protect Captain Martian.

Good, good.

[helicopter whirring]

- See anything, Dum Dum? - Duh, no. Just a lot of clouds.

Hey wait, I see a sa-picious looking saucer coming this way.

[Touché] We better check on it.

So, they dare to defy the Great Granooka of Mars, eh?

[swoosh]

[Touché] Ahoy there!

[screeching]

Halt and identify yourself.

Here's my card, Earthlings.

[buzzing]

He disintegrated our landing gear.

Let's take cover, Dum Dum.

Right, Touché. I'll duck into that cloud.

[whirring]

Where did they go? Hmm.

That cloud is acting mighty strange.

Halt, you sneaky cloud!

[explodes]

[Touché] Oh, Shaw

he discovered our little trick.

Stop, you Earthlings! The Great Granooka commands it!

[whirring]

[screeching]

Now, where are they hiding?

Don't make a sound, Dum Dum.

Sorry, Touché, but I have to sneeze.

[grunting]

There. That'll stop the sneeze.

[sneezes]

Aha! There you are!

[Touché] Aha! And here we go.

But not very far.

[explosion]

[thuds]

[great Granooka] Now, to complete my mission.

[gibberish] ...again, kiddies.

[great Granooka] Get off the air, you phoney baloney.

[buzzing]

Yikes!

This is Captain Martian saying, "Wonka Wonka donk"

which in Martian means, "I'm getting the heck outta here."

[swoosh]

We're ruined, Touché.

Who's going to take Captain Martian's place?

Why not let the Great Granooka do it?

He's a real Martian.

How do I know he's a real Martian?

Guess I'll have to convince him.

[buzzing]

I'm convinced, I'm convinced.

And now, direct from Mars

presenting "Have Gun, Will Disintegrate"

starring the Great Granooka!

Nothing beats the real thing, huh, Dum Dum?

Duh, he's realistic alright.

[buzzing]

[thuds]

How realistic can you get?

[both chuckling]

[theme music]