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1
00:00:12,358 --> 00:00:14,060
[groans]
2
00:00:14,128 --> 00:00:15,130
[satisfied grunt]
3
00:00:15,196 --> 00:00:17,567
Read it and weep.
4
00:00:19,371 --> 00:00:23,213
An "A"?
I do read it, and I do weep.
5
00:00:23,245 --> 00:00:26,585
Oh, my special little guy.
6
00:00:27,286 --> 00:00:30,559
Hmm. This isn't Bart's work.
7
00:00:30,626 --> 00:00:32,496
He used an artificial
intelligence app
8
00:00:32,530 --> 00:00:35,237
called CheatGPT
to write his essay.
9
00:00:35,270 --> 00:00:37,006
So what? It's not illegal.
10
00:00:37,039 --> 00:00:39,880
It doesn't have to be illegal
to be unethical.
11
00:00:39,912 --> 00:00:42,082
Your words mean nothing
and your face is a butt.
12
00:00:42,116 --> 00:00:44,654
Do, too, and...
[blows raspberry]
13
00:00:44,655 --> 00:00:46,859
[both blowing raspberries]
14
00:00:47,661 --> 00:00:50,265
[Marge]
Hey. Tongues down.
15
00:00:50,265 --> 00:00:52,871
Just give me a moment
to say goodbye.
16
00:00:55,243 --> 00:00:56,878
[sighs]
17
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:57,914
All right, we lost her.
18
00:00:57,948 --> 00:00:59,853
Dad, can you please
explain to Bart
19
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,390
why using A.I.
to do his homework is wrong?
20
00:01:02,424 --> 00:01:05,263
Yeah, sure. Uh...
21
00:01:05,296 --> 00:01:07,433
Relying on
artificial intelligence
22
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,070
to complete assignments
could undermine
23
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:12,109
the development
of critical analytical skills.
24
00:01:12,144 --> 00:01:15,049
What? You just prompted CheatGPT
25
00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:17,286
to write that speech for you.
26
00:01:17,287 --> 00:01:18,623
[Homer moans]
27
00:01:19,692 --> 00:01:23,299
Give me back my phone brain
so me father better parent good.
28
00:01:23,332 --> 00:01:25,003
[Lisa groans]
29
00:01:25,036 --> 00:01:26,838
Ugh. Those poor teachers.
30
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:28,843
How are they gonna
deal with this?
31
00:01:28,844 --> 00:01:31,248
"In conclusion,
the protagonist embraces
32
00:01:31,281 --> 00:01:34,555
"the story's central dichotomy
of familiar versus exotic,
33
00:01:34,587 --> 00:01:36,692
"thus realizing
that he does enjoy
34
00:01:36,725 --> 00:01:39,296
green eggs in addition to ham."
35
00:01:39,364 --> 00:01:42,637
I'm supposed to believe that
was written by Ralph Wiggum?
36
00:01:44,707 --> 00:01:47,112
It's the A.I.
We can't keep up with it.
37
00:01:47,114 --> 00:01:50,118
- Help us.
- You have to do something. [overlapping chatter]
38
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:53,359
We're aware the students are
using CheatGPT on their devices,
39
00:01:53,426 --> 00:01:55,563
so in order to stay
one step ahead of them,
40
00:01:55,597 --> 00:01:59,503
we've purchased
A.I. detection software.
41
00:02:01,341 --> 00:02:02,879
[scoffs] Teacher's Net?
42
00:02:02,912 --> 00:02:06,051
As always, the teachers
are four steps behind.
43
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:07,019
[laughter]
44
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,157
We've only got five minutes
in the server room
45
00:02:09,191 --> 00:02:12,129
before lunch lady Dora
comes down to spit chaw.
46
00:02:12,163 --> 00:02:15,302
Oh, no problem. Just let me
install this patch,
47
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:18,474
and detection software
overridden.
48
00:02:18,475 --> 00:02:21,115
Okay, they have destroyed
our detection software
49
00:02:21,147 --> 00:02:24,121
and somehow also locked us out
of the microwave.
50
00:02:24,187 --> 00:02:26,525
[scoffs] My ramen is in there.
51
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,497
It just keeps spinning.
52
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:31,401
We're not beaten yet.
53
00:02:31,468 --> 00:02:33,639
We're installing
a state-of-the-art firewall
54
00:02:33,673 --> 00:02:36,145
so that our system
is un-hackable.
55
00:02:36,177 --> 00:02:39,350
[laughs] They think we can't
get around a firewall.
56
00:02:39,384 --> 00:02:42,356
Say hello to my little VPN.
57
00:02:42,389 --> 00:02:44,962
The firewall has fallen.
58
00:02:44,996 --> 00:02:47,234
[others]
No!
59
00:02:47,266 --> 00:02:49,405
Gods, man. We're breached.
60
00:02:49,472 --> 00:02:52,076
That's it. We have no choice
but to invoke
61
00:02:52,110 --> 00:02:53,913
the banana option.
62
00:02:53,913 --> 00:02:56,352
Why is all our homework
about bananas?
63
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,156
"Einstein's theory of relativity
64
00:02:58,188 --> 00:03:02,631
is a linchpin in modern
banana science." Huh?
65
00:03:02,663 --> 00:03:05,302
- They ghost-prompted us.
- Explain.
66
00:03:05,370 --> 00:03:07,574
- [both grunt]
- I was gonna.
67
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:10,246
The teachers hid the word
"banana" in our assignments
68
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,818
- in invisible white text.
- Hmm.
69
00:03:12,852 --> 00:03:14,823
- Explain further.
- [both grunt]
70
00:03:14,855 --> 00:03:18,094
[groans] So, when we pasted the
homework prompts into CheatGPT,
71
00:03:18,128 --> 00:03:22,002
we didn't realize we also
asked it to write about bananas.
72
00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:27,981
They banana us,
we'll banana them.
73
00:03:28,048 --> 00:03:33,393
[exclaims, sighs] We banana-ed
them, they banana-ed us.
74
00:03:33,460 --> 00:03:38,069
Skin-ner! Your I.T. spending
is through the roof, Seymour.
75
00:03:38,102 --> 00:03:40,807
The battle against A.I.
isn't cheap, sir.
76
00:03:40,841 --> 00:03:42,576
Well, the solution is simple.
77
00:03:42,610 --> 00:03:44,548
I'm going to announce it
today at assembly.
78
00:03:44,581 --> 00:03:46,954
And why do I smell bananas?
79
00:03:46,986 --> 00:03:49,456
Uh... because I'm happy
to see you.
80
00:03:49,457 --> 00:03:51,694
Y... [groans]
81
00:03:51,728 --> 00:03:55,135
I am thrilled to announce
that Springfield Elementary
82
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:57,774
is now a phone-free school.
83
00:04:00,045 --> 00:04:01,983
[students gasp, groan]
84
00:04:01,984 --> 00:04:06,191
And all the homework
will be handwritten in class.
85
00:04:06,192 --> 00:04:07,995
[students groan, exclaim]
86
00:04:08,028 --> 00:04:12,103
Trust me, cell phone distraction
is the enemy of learning.
87
00:04:12,135 --> 00:04:14,909
In fact, that was the subject
of my master's thesis
88
00:04:14,977 --> 00:04:17,379
at The Ogdenville
State University.
89
00:04:17,413 --> 00:04:21,488
This is just like Animal Farm,
and we're the bananas.
90
00:04:21,521 --> 00:04:23,793
Everyone, put your phone
in these pouches,
91
00:04:23,860 --> 00:04:27,199
which renders them unusable
until the end of the day.
92
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:28,803
[detector beeps]
93
00:04:31,207 --> 00:04:33,213
Nice try, bucko.
94
00:04:33,245 --> 00:04:34,613
[chuckles]
95
00:04:34,615 --> 00:04:37,218
[sighs] You know,
I used to like Chalmers
96
00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:38,723
'cause he'd yell at Seymour.
97
00:04:38,755 --> 00:04:40,427
Thanks to him, I know
what the word "impotent" means.
98
00:04:40,459 --> 00:04:43,165
This has gone too far. We've
got to get rid of this guy.
99
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:45,870
But how do you get
a superintendent fired?
100
00:04:45,904 --> 00:04:49,077
Gary Chalmers is like
a mouse in a bubble bath,
101
00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:51,380
squeaky clean. Hmm?
102
00:04:52,516 --> 00:04:54,221
Huh? [groans]
103
00:04:54,254 --> 00:04:55,322
Unless...
104
00:04:55,322 --> 00:04:59,062
Chalmers said he went
to Ogdenville State, right?
105
00:04:59,064 --> 00:05:01,903
Yeah, that's where he said
he did his master's feces.
106
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:06,144
Why don't we shake that thesis,
and see what falls out?
107
00:05:06,177 --> 00:05:09,416
Plagiarism?
I'm not a plagiarist.
108
00:05:09,451 --> 00:05:12,891
Well, we got an anonymous tip
about some improprieties
109
00:05:12,925 --> 00:05:14,293
in your graduate work.
110
00:05:14,327 --> 00:05:17,233
Ironically, the A.I. software
you authorized
111
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:20,372
to catch the kids cheating,
it caught you.
112
00:05:20,406 --> 00:05:22,076
But I would never cheat.
113
00:05:22,110 --> 00:05:24,113
You neglected to put
quotation marks
114
00:05:24,180 --> 00:05:26,250
around two different
cited passages.
115
00:05:26,317 --> 00:05:30,393
And it's like the difference
between "ibid" and "op cit"
116
00:05:30,427 --> 00:05:32,663
means absolutely nothing to you.
117
00:05:32,697 --> 00:05:33,933
[stammers] Comptroller,
118
00:05:33,968 --> 00:05:36,973
surely these are
inconsequential infractions.
119
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,377
We have a "zero tolerance policy
120
00:05:39,411 --> 00:05:40,646
when it comes to plagiarism."
121
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,449
And I'm using
quote fingers accurately
122
00:05:42,483 --> 00:05:45,992
because I'm citing the author
of our school honor code...
123
00:05:46,024 --> 00:05:47,526
you.
124
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:50,332
[sighs]
Hoist with my own petard.
125
00:05:50,367 --> 00:05:54,141
Stealing from Shakespeare.
You're shameless. And fired.
126
00:05:54,173 --> 00:05:54,942
[moans]
127
00:05:54,975 --> 00:05:57,880
Punctual, as always, Willie.
128
00:05:57,947 --> 00:05:59,819
Leave him on the hood
of his car?
129
00:05:59,853 --> 00:06:01,088
As per protocol.
130
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:04,459
So, I guess my dad stole
some words or something.
131
00:06:04,461 --> 00:06:06,564
Anyway, he was arrested.
132
00:06:06,598 --> 00:06:09,437
I-I wasn't arrested,
I was fired.
133
00:06:10,639 --> 00:06:13,278
Always told the students that,
when they look in the mirror,
134
00:06:13,346 --> 00:06:16,218
they should be proud of
the person looking back at them.
135
00:06:16,285 --> 00:06:17,553
Ugh.
136
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:19,456
Now that I'm no longer
superintendent,
137
00:06:19,490 --> 00:06:21,762
I don't know who I see anymore.
138
00:06:22,932 --> 00:06:24,100
[sighs]
139
00:06:25,971 --> 00:06:27,807
Yeah, I think he got arrested.
140
00:06:32,483 --> 00:06:35,590
[exaggerated sighs]
141
00:06:35,624 --> 00:06:37,862
Oh, a bartender's favorite song,
142
00:06:37,894 --> 00:06:40,733
the sigh of a depressed loser
with money to burn.
143
00:06:40,766 --> 00:06:43,238
Actually, I, uh, lost my job.
144
00:06:44,740 --> 00:06:46,579
Fired? Oh man, that's rough.
145
00:06:46,612 --> 00:06:48,316
Yeah, we've all been there.
146
00:06:48,348 --> 00:06:50,185
You can talk to us, or...
147
00:06:50,252 --> 00:06:52,524
I devoted my life
to public service,
148
00:06:52,590 --> 00:06:53,591
and what do I get, hmm?
149
00:06:53,625 --> 00:06:55,529
A backstab
from the searing knife
150
00:06:55,596 --> 00:06:57,701
of academic technicality.
151
00:06:57,733 --> 00:07:00,773
And that's when I went from
intendent to superintendent.
152
00:07:00,774 --> 00:07:02,509
I took the title
over the pay bump.
153
00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:03,947
Never leaving a child behind,
154
00:07:04,014 --> 00:07:05,617
even though, sometimes,
I desperately,
155
00:07:05,649 --> 00:07:07,822
oh, I desperately
wanted to do that.
156
00:07:07,889 --> 00:07:10,026
[sighs] Well, at least
I've got a new place
157
00:07:10,059 --> 00:07:12,129
to spend all my time, huh?
158
00:07:13,531 --> 00:07:15,302
This must not come to pass.
159
00:07:15,336 --> 00:07:16,872
I thought he was gonna be
our Frasier,
160
00:07:16,906 --> 00:07:18,742
but it turns out
he's our Rebecca.
161
00:07:18,776 --> 00:07:21,682
Do something.
Talking to him was your idea.
162
00:07:21,747 --> 00:07:23,285
Talking to him was my idea.
163
00:07:23,319 --> 00:07:25,255
I didn't know
we had to listen to him.
164
00:07:26,391 --> 00:07:28,161
Hey, Mr. Fascinating.
165
00:07:28,194 --> 00:07:30,064
You know what
might make you less
166
00:07:30,065 --> 00:07:32,036
of a massively annoying bummer?
167
00:07:32,069 --> 00:07:34,340
I could get you a job
at the power plant.
168
00:07:34,341 --> 00:07:37,915
Oh, please. Why would they want
to hire a disgraced educator,
169
00:07:37,949 --> 00:07:40,552
a middle-aged man
past his prime?
170
00:07:40,552 --> 00:07:42,790
But let me tell you
how citations
171
00:07:42,824 --> 00:07:44,661
should really work, huh?
172
00:07:44,694 --> 00:07:46,966
[grunting]
173
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,704
Whew, sweet silence at last.
174
00:07:49,771 --> 00:07:51,976
[others sigh]
175
00:07:52,043 --> 00:07:54,648
Get off my lawn, you drunks.
176
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:55,917
[bird caws]
177
00:07:55,951 --> 00:07:58,389
[Homer humming]
178
00:08:00,961 --> 00:08:04,699
Are you going to eat a third
crumb cake, or is that about it?
179
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,572
Hey, it's Super-Custodian
Chalmers.
180
00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:08,810
Just call me Gary.
181
00:08:08,843 --> 00:08:11,081
Rather not be reminded
about what I am now.
182
00:08:11,113 --> 00:08:12,750
How's your first day going?
183
00:08:12,817 --> 00:08:14,754
Well, I've already cleaned
the work stations,
184
00:08:14,822 --> 00:08:16,290
de-gunked the eyewash annex,
185
00:08:16,358 --> 00:08:20,466
and origamied the exposed square
of toilet paper in each stall,
186
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,870
like so. Hmm?
187
00:08:21,903 --> 00:08:24,942
Buddy, buddy,
you're giving 110% right now.
188
00:08:24,975 --> 00:08:28,247
You need to cut that
in half to... um... uh... uh...
189
00:08:28,281 --> 00:08:30,620
- 55%?
- No, that's way too high.
190
00:08:30,653 --> 00:08:34,227
Uh, what about initiative
and pride in a job well done?
191
00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:37,033
[sighs] You're even doing
too much work in this argument.
192
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:40,471
You need to simply appear busy.
Come on.
193
00:08:40,472 --> 00:08:42,243
Walk with me.
194
00:08:42,275 --> 00:08:44,915
Actually, I'm pretty sure
I outrank a janitor,
195
00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:48,322
so I'm gonna need you to push me
around in your trash can.
196
00:08:48,355 --> 00:08:50,058
♪
197
00:08:58,743 --> 00:09:01,248
Good lord. I mean,
they're more checked out
198
00:09:01,282 --> 00:09:03,119
than the public school teachers.
199
00:09:03,152 --> 00:09:06,759
See? You're working too hard.
Take a seat, relax,
200
00:09:06,792 --> 00:09:08,730
enjoy a crumb cake
while I explain
201
00:09:08,763 --> 00:09:10,732
the most important thing.
202
00:09:10,765 --> 00:09:13,272
You need to develop
a sixth sense
203
00:09:13,306 --> 00:09:15,375
for when the boss is about to...
204
00:09:15,408 --> 00:09:16,745
Ahem.
205
00:09:16,778 --> 00:09:18,884
Oh, I'm...
I am so sorry, sirs. I...
206
00:09:18,918 --> 00:09:21,187
Taking a break?
Punish him, Smithers.
207
00:09:21,221 --> 00:09:23,692
I'd do it myself, but that
"ahem" took too much out of me.
208
00:09:23,725 --> 00:09:26,498
The tunnels behind the
cooling towers need cleaning.
209
00:09:26,530 --> 00:09:28,568
Right now. Chalm-ers.
210
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:31,475
Uh, yes, sir. Right-right-right
away, sir. Yes.
211
00:09:33,678 --> 00:09:35,115
Ooh.
[munching]
212
00:09:36,519 --> 00:09:38,053
[mocking] Chalm-ers.
213
00:09:38,054 --> 00:09:39,456
I mean, who talks like that?
214
00:09:39,456 --> 00:09:41,661
If I had underlings,
I'd treat them with...
215
00:09:41,662 --> 00:09:43,231
What the hell was that?
216
00:09:43,298 --> 00:09:45,635
Who's there?
Wh-What touched me? Wh...
217
00:09:46,806 --> 00:09:49,144
Oh, Lord Tennyson in a top hat.
218
00:09:51,648 --> 00:09:52,584
Oh, dear God.
219
00:09:52,616 --> 00:09:55,956
Some sort of mutated
nuclear super snails.
220
00:09:55,956 --> 00:09:57,861
Shoo, shoo now, shoo, go away.
221
00:09:57,928 --> 00:09:59,798
Please, take pity
on a broken man
222
00:09:59,831 --> 00:10:01,701
who's had every last shred
of his dignity
223
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:02,803
stripped away from him.
224
00:10:02,804 --> 00:10:05,009
[hoarse screaming]
225
00:10:09,384 --> 00:10:11,587
[hoarse screaming
continues through vent]
226
00:10:14,226 --> 00:10:16,030
[muffled screaming continues]
227
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,671
[hoarse screaming]
228
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,207
[panting]
229
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,980
[hoarse screaming continues]
230
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:26,017
Horror movies suck now.
231
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:28,822
45 minutes and there hasn't been
a single jump scare.
232
00:10:28,856 --> 00:10:29,826
[thunder rumbles]
233
00:10:29,859 --> 00:10:30,827
[screams]
234
00:10:30,860 --> 00:10:33,499
- Dad! You look...
- I know, I know.
235
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,937
I look like a pathetic failure
of a father,
236
00:10:35,971 --> 00:10:38,209
of a school administrator,
of a man.
237
00:10:38,241 --> 00:10:41,280
Shut up, I was gonna say
you look amazing.
238
00:10:41,313 --> 00:10:42,250
Really?
239
00:10:42,283 --> 00:10:45,756
Bro, spill your
skincare routine right now.
240
00:10:45,825 --> 00:10:47,360
All I did was lie in a tunnel,
241
00:10:47,393 --> 00:10:50,499
covered in the mucus
of absurdly large snails.
242
00:10:50,533 --> 00:10:53,105
Snail slime? [gasps]
Did you bring me any?
243
00:10:53,139 --> 00:10:54,073
Dad, give it!
244
00:10:54,140 --> 00:10:56,711
Oh, why on earth
would you want snail mucus?
245
00:10:56,745 --> 00:10:58,381
It's called mucin, stupid.
246
00:10:58,414 --> 00:11:01,522
It contains regenerative healing
properties and boosts collagen.
247
00:11:01,554 --> 00:11:04,061
T.L.D.R., it makes
your face snatched.
248
00:11:04,128 --> 00:11:06,130
People pay, like,
actual money for it.
249
00:11:06,163 --> 00:11:08,336
They pay for this mucin?
250
00:11:08,369 --> 00:11:10,038
♪
251
00:11:10,105 --> 00:11:11,640
Sir, for the Christmas card
this year,
252
00:11:11,674 --> 00:11:14,379
would you like the hounds'
pajamas to match yours
253
00:11:14,413 --> 00:11:16,384
or just tastefully
complement them?
254
00:11:16,418 --> 00:11:19,724
Hmm... Can we prepare both
and decide on the day?
255
00:11:19,758 --> 00:11:21,094
Oh, absolutely.
256
00:11:22,463 --> 00:11:23,466
Gentlemen.
257
00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:25,804
Oh, Smithers,
I must thank you for firing
258
00:11:25,870 --> 00:11:27,105
that old janitor yesterday.
259
00:11:27,106 --> 00:11:30,613
It's invigorating to see some
fresh young faces around here.
260
00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:33,886
Actually, I-I think that
is the same old janitor.
261
00:11:33,921 --> 00:11:36,290
- The very same.
- [Smithers] But how?
262
00:11:36,323 --> 00:11:40,298
You look amazing. Spill your
skincare routine right now.
263
00:11:40,332 --> 00:11:43,071
You know my daughter Shauna
said the same thing.
264
00:11:43,138 --> 00:11:46,778
Shauna Chalmers complimented
you? That's huge, sir.
265
00:11:46,812 --> 00:11:48,181
Mm...
266
00:11:48,215 --> 00:11:51,889
I believe that the slime
of the specially adapted snails
267
00:11:51,923 --> 00:11:54,293
here at the plant
rejuvenated my skin,
268
00:11:54,327 --> 00:11:57,165
and I have a way to monetize it.
269
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,370
And why should we listen to you?
270
00:12:00,539 --> 00:12:02,811
[gasps] A businessman.
271
00:12:04,548 --> 00:12:06,451
[gasps] A business plan.
272
00:12:06,485 --> 00:12:08,488
Gentlemen,
snail mucin as skincare
273
00:12:08,489 --> 00:12:11,227
is a four-billion-dollar-a-year
business.
274
00:12:11,260 --> 00:12:13,566
You have the raw material,
the manpower,
275
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:15,135
and the infrastructure.
276
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,739
All you're missing
is a visionary
277
00:12:16,772 --> 00:12:21,248
who can take this enterprise
to the next level. Me.
278
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,682
♪
279
00:12:26,958 --> 00:12:29,429
Yes. Yes, quite.
280
00:12:34,407 --> 00:12:35,844
Welcome to Men-trepreneurs,
281
00:12:35,876 --> 00:12:37,245
the podcast
282
00:12:37,245 --> 00:12:40,686
that finally celebrates
companies run by and for men.
283
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,090
[audience cheers]
284
00:12:42,124 --> 00:12:44,293
Today, we look
at the rocketing success
285
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,399
of the men's skincare brand
Escarbro.
286
00:12:47,399 --> 00:12:51,674
Please welcome the founder
and CE-bro, Gary Chalmers.
287
00:12:51,707 --> 00:12:53,144
[audience applauds]
288
00:12:53,211 --> 00:12:54,881
Well, it's an honor to be here.
289
00:12:54,914 --> 00:12:57,486
And, you know, I've been
a Patreon supporter of yours
290
00:12:57,519 --> 00:13:00,426
ever since five dollars a month
became nothing to me.
291
00:13:00,493 --> 00:13:03,698
So, Gary, you used to be
in the public sector, no?
292
00:13:03,732 --> 00:13:05,168
[audience boos]
293
00:13:05,235 --> 00:13:06,937
Yes, "boo" my lost decades.
294
00:13:06,938 --> 00:13:10,544
However, I have nothing but
gratitude for that broken path
295
00:13:10,546 --> 00:13:15,722
because it brought me to a
dank tunnel of snail secretions.
296
00:13:15,756 --> 00:13:17,058
Gratitude is huge.
297
00:13:17,125 --> 00:13:18,729
So grateful for it.
298
00:13:18,761 --> 00:13:20,466
Gratitude's my oxygen.
299
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,736
Oh, Thanksgiving
is my favorite holiday.
300
00:13:22,804 --> 00:13:25,143
Thanksgiving's my Christmas. We
don't even celebrate Christmas,
301
00:13:25,176 --> 00:13:26,077
just two Thanksgivings.
302
00:13:26,177 --> 00:13:29,317
Well, uh, anyway,
that nuclear snail hole...
303
00:13:29,384 --> 00:13:31,120
and I-I write about this
in the book...
304
00:13:31,153 --> 00:13:32,657
it "phase shifted" me
305
00:13:32,690 --> 00:13:37,000
from a misguided do-gooder
into a disruptive entrepreneur.
306
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:40,404
Your marketing strategy
is revolutionary.
307
00:13:40,438 --> 00:13:42,812
You're making normal guys
feel insecure about their looks.
308
00:13:42,845 --> 00:13:45,884
I mean, that's the kind of
insecurity that, up until now,
309
00:13:45,918 --> 00:13:47,687
only women were allowed to feel.
310
00:13:47,721 --> 00:13:50,827
Well, at the end of the day,
it's about lifting people up.
311
00:13:50,894 --> 00:13:52,965
So grateful.
312
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:57,005
Escarbro is lighting the 'Gram,
the 'Tok, and the 'Tube on fire
313
00:13:57,039 --> 00:14:00,480
with its use of "ug-fluencers".
314
00:14:00,546 --> 00:14:02,549
Hey, guys. Get ready
for bed with me
315
00:14:02,582 --> 00:14:06,826
as I dab on my Escarbro
Mansturizering Serum for Men.
316
00:14:06,859 --> 00:14:10,432
I have been super self-conscious
about my hyperpigmentation
317
00:14:10,466 --> 00:14:13,972
ever since Escarbro online as
explained what it was
318
00:14:14,006 --> 00:14:17,513
and that I should be
super self-conscious about i.
319
00:14:17,546 --> 00:14:19,918
But now...
320
00:14:19,951 --> 00:14:21,453
Damn, Homer!
321
00:14:21,488 --> 00:14:24,461
You make sure you subscribe
so you never run out.
322
00:14:24,494 --> 00:14:28,668
I'm using Escarbro Macho Time
Puffiness Pulverizer.
323
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:33,311
- Dab, dab, dab. Dab, dab, dab.
- Dab, dab, dab. Dab, dab, dab.
324
00:14:33,345 --> 00:14:35,048
Dab, dab, dab. Dab, dab, dab.
325
00:14:35,081 --> 00:14:36,585
Trust me,
youse got to subscribe.
326
00:14:36,618 --> 00:14:40,125
With this goo, open casket
is actually an option over here.
327
00:14:40,158 --> 00:14:43,597
[all men] Dab, dab, dab. Dab, dab, dab.
Dab, dab, dab. Dab, dab, dab.
328
00:14:43,631 --> 00:14:45,937
If I was a marketing paradigm,
I'd be like,
329
00:14:46,004 --> 00:14:50,480
"Stop shifting me, bro."
[laughs] You know? So grateful.
330
00:14:50,513 --> 00:14:52,015
How are you keeping up
with all this demand?
331
00:14:52,048 --> 00:14:55,355
Well, to keep the slime oozing,
we scoured the globe
332
00:14:55,389 --> 00:14:58,562
to find the world's
leading snail handlers.
333
00:14:58,595 --> 00:15:00,599
♪
334
00:15:06,345 --> 00:15:08,047
Oh, I see, Claudia.
335
00:15:08,048 --> 00:15:11,653
I bring the romaine, and
suddenly we're friends again.
336
00:15:11,654 --> 00:15:14,995
- Now, that's a return on investment.
- [laughter]
337
00:15:15,028 --> 00:15:16,630
Amazing turnout.
338
00:15:16,664 --> 00:15:18,668
Oh, yes, it's a real him's him
339
00:15:18,702 --> 00:15:21,508
of direct-to-masculine-customer
giants.
340
00:15:21,541 --> 00:15:25,381
Waylon, meet Vijay
from Vijay's ButtPants.
341
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:29,124
Antoine, who dominates
the goat colostrum
342
00:15:29,157 --> 00:15:30,995
protein frozen yogurt space.
343
00:15:31,028 --> 00:15:32,763
No proven downside.
344
00:15:32,797 --> 00:15:33,932
And Dirk Denchley,
345
00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:38,274
the CEO of Father D's
High-T Testosterone Tea Bags.
346
00:15:38,307 --> 00:15:40,580
Gary, your website
has the hardest-to-find
347
00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:44,419
"cancel subscription" button
in the business. Brilliant, bro.
348
00:15:44,452 --> 00:15:46,826
Oh? Well,
that wasn't intentional.
349
00:15:46,860 --> 00:15:49,264
Come on, dude.
Our whole business model
350
00:15:49,298 --> 00:15:51,134
is people signing up
for subscriptions
351
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,701
that they forgot to cancel.
352
00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:56,278
It seems a bit underhanded.
A-Although, uh...
353
00:15:56,311 --> 00:15:58,313
A toast to the suckers.
354
00:15:58,315 --> 00:16:01,187
May they never check
their credit card statements.
355
00:16:01,187 --> 00:16:03,893
Yeah, um, salut.
356
00:16:06,731 --> 00:16:08,600
It's so weird having
a super-rich dad
357
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:09,871
who people think is cool.
358
00:16:09,937 --> 00:16:12,708
It's also weird having
a juice bar in your living room,
359
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:15,315
but, uh...
great idea, honey. Great.
360
00:16:15,316 --> 00:16:18,088
I was kidding, but whatever.
[slurps]
361
00:16:18,121 --> 00:16:21,727
You know, my friends can't get
enough of your anti-aging goo.
362
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,835
Wait a minute, high school kids
are using Escarbro?
363
00:16:24,868 --> 00:16:27,975
Oh, God, yeah. Everyone wants
to have kindergarten skin.
364
00:16:28,008 --> 00:16:30,712
Yeah, but we-we weren't
marketing to kids. I...
365
00:16:30,746 --> 00:16:32,716
Well, I guess
there's no harm, right?
366
00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:35,456
Can I have a new pony?
This one pooped.
367
00:16:35,489 --> 00:16:37,725
Uh, of course, sweetie.
368
00:16:37,793 --> 00:16:39,932
[neighing]
369
00:16:39,965 --> 00:16:42,769
Ugh, dappled? Fine.
370
00:16:42,803 --> 00:16:45,642
Welcome back, sir.
The children are gonna love
371
00:16:45,709 --> 00:16:48,615
hearing about your journey
to financial success, and, uh,
372
00:16:48,648 --> 00:16:51,855
might I say, your beard
has grown in remarkably dark.
373
00:16:51,889 --> 00:16:54,861
Oh, I use an adaptogen
matcha spore powder.
374
00:16:54,895 --> 00:16:57,466
[sighs] You know,
I spent so much of my life
375
00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:58,469
in public education,
376
00:16:58,534 --> 00:17:00,905
but I never felt
I was doing good in the world
377
00:17:00,907 --> 00:17:04,079
until I started selling
creams for men.
378
00:17:04,113 --> 00:17:05,817
Plus, even as a janitor
379
00:17:05,884 --> 00:17:08,488
I made more money
than as a superintendent.
380
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,693
Are you saying there's
an open janitor position?
381
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:15,169
Sorry I'm late. I had to charge
my light therapy mask.
382
00:17:15,236 --> 00:17:16,940
What a unique child.
383
00:17:16,972 --> 00:17:19,076
These days, not so unique.
384
00:17:19,109 --> 00:17:20,479
♪
385
00:17:21,513 --> 00:17:23,151
[both]
Dab, dab, dab.
386
00:17:23,785 --> 00:17:27,292
Oh, no, I look 12!
[whimpers]
387
00:17:27,358 --> 00:17:29,630
Make with the hydrating
toner spray, now!
388
00:17:29,663 --> 00:17:33,003
Just don't forget
your décolletage.
389
00:17:34,205 --> 00:17:38,048
I had no idea our industry
reached children this young.
390
00:17:38,115 --> 00:17:40,519
[whirring]
391
00:17:40,552 --> 00:17:42,323
How can they focus on learning
392
00:17:42,390 --> 00:17:44,125
while they're worrying
about all this?
393
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,197
[student]
Hey, Escarbro guy.
394
00:17:46,263 --> 00:17:47,532
[all]
Ga-ry.
395
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,701
[shouts] God.
396
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,272
Can I have a free sample?
397
00:17:50,306 --> 00:17:52,143
Do you have a promo code?
398
00:17:52,175 --> 00:17:53,711
Make my name a promo code.
399
00:17:53,778 --> 00:17:55,583
Promo code Devin
exclamation point.
400
00:17:55,650 --> 00:17:57,385
- [all clamoring]
- Yeah, we want the code.
401
00:17:57,419 --> 00:17:59,457
[clamoring continues]
402
00:18:00,425 --> 00:18:01,929
Whew.
[exclaims]
403
00:18:01,961 --> 00:18:04,599
[boys]
Dab, dab, dab. Dab, dab, dab.
404
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:09,343
Greetings. [gasps]
405
00:18:09,410 --> 00:18:10,946
Good lord.
406
00:18:10,980 --> 00:18:14,421
Um... would you excuse me
for just one moment?
407
00:18:14,453 --> 00:18:17,492
I-I-I have to do something.
Pardon me.
408
00:18:17,558 --> 00:18:21,233
The phone-banning guy
can't get off his phone. Ironic.
409
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:25,709
Hey, that is irony.
Very accurate heckling, Bart.
410
00:18:25,742 --> 00:18:27,680
- Thank you. I love you.
- What?
411
00:18:27,747 --> 00:18:28,848
Nothing.
412
00:18:28,849 --> 00:18:31,421
Now, I've always believed
that everyone should be able
413
00:18:31,453 --> 00:18:33,424
to look in the mirror
and be proud
414
00:18:33,459 --> 00:18:34,994
of the person
looking back at them.
415
00:18:35,028 --> 00:18:37,467
And right now,
as I look at myself in the...
416
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:40,305
reflection of your
smooth, poreless,
417
00:18:40,338 --> 00:18:43,211
vigorously moisturized
little faces,
418
00:18:43,244 --> 00:18:45,214
I am not proud.
419
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,585
I look ridiculous.
420
00:18:46,617 --> 00:18:49,457
You all, all of you,
look ridiculous.
421
00:18:49,490 --> 00:18:51,996
Sir, sir, I'm on
the hiring web page.
422
00:18:52,029 --> 00:18:54,599
It wants me to attach
my résumé as a PDF,
423
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,505
but I only have it as a JPEG.
424
00:18:57,140 --> 00:19:00,345
When I was a public servant,
it was my job to educate you,
425
00:19:00,346 --> 00:19:02,182
but also to protect you.
426
00:19:02,215 --> 00:19:04,054
Protect you from people like me.
427
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:07,794
Social media swindlers
who profit off of insecurities
428
00:19:07,861 --> 00:19:10,832
that you shouldn't even
have yet, or ever.
429
00:19:10,833 --> 00:19:12,002
[sparks crackle]
430
00:19:12,036 --> 00:19:15,476
Oh, who am I kidding?
I am a superintendent,
431
00:19:15,509 --> 00:19:17,079
whether I like it or not.
432
00:19:17,113 --> 00:19:18,214
And as of right now,
433
00:19:18,315 --> 00:19:22,788
I am banning all skincare
products from school grounds.
434
00:19:22,789 --> 00:19:26,163
- [students gasp] - You can't do that.
You don't work here anymore.
435
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:29,170
Well, as a matter of fact,
I can and I do.
436
00:19:29,203 --> 00:19:32,143
I just bought Springfield
Elementary at auction
437
00:19:32,175 --> 00:19:35,851
in the section
for "VCRs and public schools."
438
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:36,750
[all gasp]
439
00:19:36,785 --> 00:19:38,755
Teachers,
get those phone pouches
440
00:19:38,788 --> 00:19:40,625
back out here and fill them
441
00:19:40,659 --> 00:19:45,368
with all of that
preposterous skin-care.
442
00:19:45,402 --> 00:19:48,575
Thanks for waiting for me,
old friend.
443
00:19:48,642 --> 00:19:51,381
Why, on a competition
baking show,
444
00:19:51,413 --> 00:19:53,250
do they need to have
an opening sketch?
445
00:19:53,284 --> 00:19:54,988
Just get to the "and bake."
446
00:19:55,055 --> 00:19:57,125
You think the crew
gets to eat all the cakes
447
00:19:57,159 --> 00:19:58,528
they drop on the ground?
448
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,431
Dad, are we poor again?
449
00:20:00,432 --> 00:20:01,700
Now, don't worry, honey,
450
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:04,574
I still have a small stake
in the skincare company,
451
00:20:04,641 --> 00:20:06,443
and those nuclear snails,
452
00:20:06,510 --> 00:20:08,279
they're never
gonna stop sliming.
453
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:09,919
[laughs]
454
00:20:09,951 --> 00:20:12,457
I heard it was someone's
special day.
455
00:20:12,522 --> 00:20:14,326
Fergus, get over here.
456
00:20:14,394 --> 00:20:15,997
Birthday treats for everyone.
457
00:20:16,064 --> 00:20:19,136
Salty potato chips
and buckets of beer.
458
00:20:19,202 --> 00:20:23,679
Aw, they like it so much,
they're shaking with joy.
459
00:20:23,711 --> 00:20:25,548
More like shriveling.
460
00:20:25,582 --> 00:20:27,619
Maybe too much shriveling?
461
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,057
[all groan]
462
00:20:29,089 --> 00:20:30,894
Uh, let's call it a day.
463
00:20:30,961 --> 00:20:32,963
Seymour, you got this, right?
464
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,942
[sighs] I hope they at least
let me keep the coveralls.
465
00:20:38,977 --> 00:20:40,813
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
466
00:20:40,846 --> 00:20:42,682
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
467
00:20:42,717 --> 00:20:44,354
and TOYOTA.
468
00:20:44,386 --> 00:20:46,656
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
469
00:20:50,933 --> 00:20:51,601
Ooh.
470
00:20:51,602 --> 00:20:54,140
[munching]
471
00:20:54,173 --> 00:20:57,113
Whoever invented eating
crumb cake in a trash can
472
00:20:57,180 --> 00:20:58,580
was a genius.
473
00:20:58,615 --> 00:20:59,650
Wait a minute.
474
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,990
I think I invented eating
crumb cake in a trash can.
475
00:21:03,057 --> 00:21:04,125
I'm gonna be rich!
476
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:08,067
And then I'm gonna buy
so many trash cans!
477
00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:10,204
[munching]
478
00:21:12,643 --> 00:21:15,315
♪ Eating crumb cake
in a trash can ♪
479
00:21:15,348 --> 00:21:16,986
♪ Spraying crumbs around ♪
480
00:21:17,019 --> 00:21:18,888
♪ Because I'm in a trash can ♪
481
00:21:18,890 --> 00:21:20,993
♪ No crumbs are on the ground ♪
482
00:21:21,027 --> 00:21:23,164
♪ Don't need a broom
or a dustpan ♪
483
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:26,605
♪ Something, something,
trash can! ♪
484
00:21:26,637 --> 00:21:29,210
[munching]
485
00:21:33,117 --> 00:21:34,686
Shh!
36350
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