All language subtitles for Starstruck.2021.S01E02.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

[birds quacking]

- Oh, mind your head.
- Okay, thanks.

Bye.
- Bye.

[Mark Morrison's
"Return of the Mack"]

- We probably won't
see each other again, right?

- It's unlikely.
- Great.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Well, I tried to tell you so ♪

♪ Yes, I did ♪

♪ But I guess
you didn't know ♪

♪ As the saddest story goes ♪

♪ Baby, now I got the flow ♪

♪ 'Cause I knew it
from the start ♪

♪ Baby, when you
broke my heart ♪

♪ That I had to come again ♪

♪ And show you that I'd win ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You lied to me ♪

♪ All those times
I said that I loved you ♪

♪ You lied to me ♪

♪ Even though you knew
I'd die for you ♪

♪ You lied to me ♪

♪ Yes, I cried,
yes I cried ♪

♪ Return of the Mack ♪

♪ There it is,
return of the Mack ♪

♪ Come on,
return of the Mack ♪

♪ Oh, my God ♪

♪ ♪

- You had sex.
- Yeah, boy!

Whoo!

Yes.
Come on!

[punchy music]

♪ ♪

[Paul Williams' "Braces"]

- Do you have the hairbrush?
- Uh, I have my hairbrush.

- Oh, come on.
I'm gonna be late for work.

- Weren't you supposed
to start, like, an hour ago?

- Oh, my God.
Did the clocks change?

- Yeah, last month.
- Oh, pathetic.

Oh, there it is.

[phone chimes]

- ♪ Don't be shy ♪

- [chuckles]

Well, well, well,
when it rains, it pours.

- What?

- ♪ Oh, Danny boy, ♪

♪ The pipes,
the pipes are calling ♪

- Dan?
No, you cannot see him.

- I can't help it if these boys
are obsessed with me.

- He's hot, but it's a bit naff.

- Yeah.

- What's he saying then?
- Nothing.

- Oi!

- He just asked if I was around
for a drink this afternoon.

- You freak.
What'd you say?

- I said I might be, yeah.

Hey, oh, don't.
- [grunts]

- Ugh.

- "LOL, yeah."
- Mm-hmm.

- "Keen, keen, keen.
Where and when?

I'm free all day."

- It's a casual,
afternoon drink,

and if we have sex--if...
- Oh, my God.

- We have sex...
- Oh, my God.

- It means nothing.
- Actually come on.

- Afternoon sex
is basically an errand.

♪ ♪

- Fine, do what you want,
but use protection.

- Mm-hmm.

- I'm not childproofing
this flat.

- Okay.

- Do you really think
it's a good idea?

- It's fine.
I don't like him.

He's just my friend.

- So you're not gonna
sleep with him then?

- Oh, no,
I definitely will, yeah.

- Right.

- Honestly, I can stay to
the end of the shift

if you can't cover.
- No, it's fine.

It's fine.
I can handle this lot.

[chuckles]
Go do your thang, girl.

- Ugh, I've messed it up.

I shouldn't have drawn
his teeth.

- I don't like him.

- Oh, Humphrey Bogart?
- Yeah.

- Oh, right.

You know he's in the film
you're about to watch?

- He wishes.

- Okay.

- Don't you think
it's just hard to be friends

with people you've had sex with?
- Well, we've had sex.

We're friends.
- Well, yes.

But that's--that--
that's different.

That's, like,
a different vibe, you know?

Plus it was only one time,
barely even remember it.

If anything,
I try to block it out.

- Oh, my God,
I've written "Cabaslanca."

- No, no, please, please,
please don't do that.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
- We can't.

We can't.
We can't break it.

- We can't.
- No, no, no!

- It's exact money.
- It's so tiring.

- It takes us so long to--
- It's such a tiring thing.

[indistinct chatter]

- Hi.
- Oh, my God.

Oh, hi.

- What are you doing,
pretending to read again?

- Yes, that's good.

Oh, so good to see you.
Hi, you look great.

- Thank you.

- Sorry I'm late.

- Oh, it's fine.
No, no, no, it's fine.

Yeah, no,
haven't been here for long,

so it's fine, good.

- So how are you?
What's going on?

- I'm great.
No, yeah, I'm great.

Just came from work.
- Oh, how's the cinema biz?

- Great, it's booming.
- Yeah?

You running the place yet?
- Yes, finally, no.

Actually, they let me
use the photocopier now

because I make this,
like, monthly newsletter.

- Very cool.

- Yes, it's actually
mainly just to tell them

not to download porn
on our Wi-Fi.

- Really?
God.

- No, it's all right.
That was--that was a joke.

- Oh.
[chuckles]

I mean, that's not a bad idea.
[chuckles]

- [chuckles]
No, yeah.

How's your work?
How's the café?

Still in the café with
the dusty cakes in the window?

- [chuckles]
Yeah, yeah, still there.

But it's all chill.

I've just been sort of,
yeah, mainly focusing

on my music really.
- Sorry, what music?

- My music.
You know about my music.

- Yeah, sorry, no, sorry,
when you said--yeah, your music.

- Yeah.
- Yes, I love it.

- Yeah, I know, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

- What kind of music is it?

- Ooh, at the minute,
I've been trying

to move away from dub,
but, like, it's impossible.

- Right.
- You know what I mean?

- Yeah, I know you.

- All right, where is it?

Oh, bugger, oh, dear, hang on.
There we are.

Aww, oh, look at that.

- It's nice.
- Nice?

Oh, piss off.

That's fucking romantic,
that is.

Side-by-side burial plot.
She's gonna lose her mind.

- I thought you said
she wanted a new watch.

- Yeah, but that was a trap,
see if I take the easy route.

Anyway, stop distracting me.

I'm trying
to find you something.

- You're the one who started
showing me burial plots.

- Ooh, yeah, here we are.

Now, the script
is a piece of shit,

but the money is outrageous.

- What's the part?

- Todd Emery,
an unlucky in love optometrist,

who falls in love
with a blind girl.

Rachel McAdams already attached.

- Okay, this might be
a crazy idea,

but how about we try
and find something for me

that's actually good.
- What?

Like a little indie film?
- Don't know, maybe.

- Why?
You putting on weight?

- Ugh, forget it.
- Are you unwell?

Let me see.
- Nothing's wrong with me.

- What's going on with you?
Why are you doing this to me?

- And so kind of
long story short,

it wasn't their cat,
so I had to give the money back,

but they asked me
to stay for dinner.

[laughs]
- [chuckles]

- That's my Saturday.

What?

- I missed you.

- Ooh, okay, Dan.

- Jessie.
- Oh.

Before this happens,
I just want to say

I love being friends,
and I would love to continue

that friendship.
- Yeah, great, me too.

- Yeah, so obviously
we can go back to my house,

but I just want to warn you
there is a weird smell

in my room at the moment,
but I feel like

if you know the context
of the smell,

then it kind of feels weird...
- Jessie.

- At least weird when
you smell it.

- Jessie, wait, I--ugh.
This is awkward.

Uh, you know I'm
in a relationship, right?

- No, you aren't.
- Yeah, I am big time.

- Ooh, so--who?
Who's--who?

- Claire.

- Claire.
Claire.

Oh, wow, Claire from the café.
Oh, Claire.

Oh, Claire with the...fringe.
She's got a fringe.

- How'd you know
she's got a fringe?

- Oh, you know,
anyone who follows her

on Instagram knows that.

She's--it's been
a big transition for her.

Really big year, so that's--
no, no, no, I--

that's so cool
'cause you and Claire

both have fringes.
- Why are you being like this?

Like, you literally just said
that you just wanna be friends.

- I don't--no, no, no, sorry,
no, and I stand by that.

I totally stand by--
I wanna be your friend,

but I just feel like you
sort of getting into

a proper relationship
is sort of a step too far

and quite rude and ultimately
uncalled for, so...

- Well, look, I mean,

we're pretty much
open anyway, so...

- Oh, oh, okay,

cool, cool, dude, nice.
[laughs]

This is not 1967 honestly.
- Why are you lashing out at me?

- I am not lashing out.

The way I'm reacting to this
is entirely consistent

with my personality.
- Jessie, come on.

- Oh, sorry, my ride
is two minutes away.

Um, give my love to fringe.

- It's Claire.
- Yeah, whatever.

You do you.

- [sighs]
Do you know what I mean?

It's like...

- I'm telling you
I think it's cancer.

I don't have long.

- Cathy, you don't
have eye cancer.

- How do you know?
You're not a doctor.

I've got all the symptoms.
Look.

- That's not a--
you're just twitching your eye.

That's not a symptom.

- Thank you.
- No worries.

- It was delicious by the way.

- Wow, I'm really glad.

- Thank you.
- No worries.

Have a good night.
- Thanks, you too.

- No.
- What?

- You can't fuck civilians.

- She--
[sighs]

I should fire you.

- Oh, you're not gonna fire me.
I "Star is Born"-ed you.

- You can't call
people civilians.

- To you, that's what they are.

These girls know
lots more about you

than you know about them.
It's not normal.

- God.

- All I'm saying
is there is a reason

actors date other actors.
It's just easier.

- Wow,
you're a true romantic, Cath.

- Well, it's easier
for everyone.

I mean, half the time,
these poor people

don't know what they're
getting into with your lot.

I mean, look at
Reese Witherspoon's husband.

- What about him?
- He died.

- No, he didn't.
- He didn't?

Well, who am I thinking of?

- Always a pleasure, Cath.

- I don't mean to scare you,
and I'm not being dramatic,

but I will say this.

Dating someone like you
will most likely

ruin a girl's life forever.
- Wow, okay.

- Or worse, yours,
or by extension mine, so...

- Yep.

- Just a few things
to think about.

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay?

- Okay.
- I love you.

- I love you too.
- I'm gonna skedaddle.

Oh, and listen.

If you think
about eating bread,

call me, and I'll talk you down.

No bread.

Say it.

- No bread.
- Got it.

- Fucking hell.

- So you're on a corner?
You're on a corner.

- Fuck off.

No, I don't want to cancel
because then

that's how they get your money.

They do the cancellation fees,
and--no, not you.

I mean, like,
the fat cats higher up.

You sound lovely.
You sound great.

So I don't just--if you come
around the block,

and I'll meet you on the corner.

I'm on the corner
if that is any help.

It's just--yeah, okay,
I'll see you then.

Great, I mean, super excited
to meet you, man.

I mean, this is gonna be great.

All right, good-bye.

[grumbles quietly]

- Jessie.

- [laughs]
Wow, hi.

- I just--I saw you
through the window.

- Cool, yeah, nice.

- It's been a while.

- Yeah, just waiting for a car,

so...that's why I'm here.

- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, are you following me?

- No.

- 'Cause obviously
I'm not following you...

'cause, you know...
- Jess!

you were the one that came
to say hi from the window.

Oh, God, hi.

- Ah, you forgot your book.

- Great, thank you.
- That's all right.

- Dan, this is Tom
Tom, this is Dan.

- Hey.
- Fuck off.

It's--you're that dude from--
from what's it called.

Mate, I'm such a big fan.
- Are you?

- Yeah.

Hey, look, I know
it's a bit awkward,

but I'll get a photo with you.

My brother's--like, he'd freak
if he knew I was with you.

- No, that's cool.
- You sure?

Jessie.

- Oh, oh, great, great.
Okay.

Didn't know this one
had a camera.

- [chuckles]
This is mad.

How do you two
know each other then?

- Okay, great,
well, there we go

because my car's here actually,
so good to see you, Tom.

Good to see you, Dan.
It's me, so...oh, my God.

Literally insane.
- Jessie--

- Sorry, can I get a photo?
- What?

- Yeah, of course.
- Loved you in "The Avengers."

- I wasn't in that.
- Yes, you were.

[indistinct chatter]

- Okay, so I got, like,
half a pint left in the pub,

so I'm gonna bounce, all right?

Oh, actually, hey,
do you want a little drink?

- No, you're good, mate.
- You sure?

All right.
Hey, this was nice, right?

- No, it wasn't.
- Yeah, true.

[chuckles]
All right, man, see you later.

- Can you take a photo?
- Oh.

- No.
- No, no, no.

- I can take yours too.
- No, it's all right.

- Oh, my God, okay.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey--say hi
to your girlfriend for me.

- What?
- You--whoa.

- I don't have a girlfriend.

- Yes, you do--
stop ruining

my cool moment with the window.

- Can we just get a drink?
- No.

- Wait, so you broke up
on your birthday?

- Yep.

- You said that you broke up
on New Year's Eve.

- That is my birthday.
- Oh.

I'm so sorry.
- Yeah.

- So do you combine parties,
or do you--

you just do another thing
on another day?

- Are you sorry
about me breaking up

or about my birthday
being on New Year's Eve?

- Mainly the birthday--yeah,
mainly the birthday thing.

- Yeah, me too, actually.
- Oh, really?

It's probably 'cause--
[chuckles]

we--well, I nearly made
"The Daily Mail"

the morning that you--
well, that we--yeah.

- Shit, I'm so sorry.
- No, no, no, it's fine.

It was funny.
It was quite funny.

They thought I was
the cleaner, so you're safe.

I mean, the speed
at which they assumed that

was pretty offensive.

- Well, that's ridiculous.

I mean, if anything,
you left a real mess.

- Oh, my God.
[gasps]

Oh, yeah, I--okay.
- Mm-hmm.

- I didn't even
put a towel down.

That was a bold move.

- My bed looked like
a Jackson Pollock painting.

- Shut up.
- I had to burn my sheets.

- [chuckles]
No, you didn't.

- No, I didn't.

I put them in the freezer
as a keepsake.

- [laughs]

Sorry, I just have
to make a quick call.

Hello, Metropolitan Police.

I need--yeah,
okay, no, I'll hold.

[chuckles]

- Who played the titular
Father Ted?

- Dermot Morgan.

- Worth five points.
- What?

- Quiz.

- And the answer
is Dermot Morgan.

- Oh, you got it right!

- I love pub quizzes

in a healthy way,
not in a psycho way.

- Yeah, me too.
I love 'em.

I mean, people say
I'm quite competitive

when I do it, but I don't
think that--Zsa Zsa Gabor!

- Way too loud.
What was that?

- I'm sorry.

- Just a reminder
that teams need to pay

the five quid to participate
in the quiz.

- Sorry.
- Sorry.

- Question nine--
name three members

of the cast from the 1983 film
"The Outsiders."

- C. Thomas Howell,
Patrick Swayze,

Ralph Macchio,
Emilio Estevez,

Tom Cruise, Rob Lowe,
Matt Dillon.

- How do you know that?

- Oh, I used to be a virgin.
- [chuckles]

- [chuckles]
- Okay...that's gross.

- It's gross?

- No, you can't say that.
- I can say that.

- That--well, okay.
- Okay, no, no, no.

- What?
- Okay, I have a good one.

A very good one.
- Okay.

- Okay, I--the options are...
- Give it to me.

- Either you can kill a
chicken
with your bare hands

or you can live
with the chicken for a year.

- Live with the chicken.
- No, sorry.

It has to live inside.
- Why can't it live outside?

- Because the chicken's
paying rent.

Do you want to be
that kind of landlord?

- [sighs]
- Really?

- Yeah, kill it.
- Yeah, cool, I'd do the same.

Um, this is where I live.
- Oh, looks nice.

- It is.
Yes, it is.

It's very nice.

It's--the ninth of it
that is ours is pretty cozy.

- Right.
[chuckles]

- So...

I'll see you later.

- Actually, probably not.

I'm away for a bit now.
- Oh, oh, cool.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, where are you going?

- Prague.
- Wow.

Can't just make up
a country, Tom,

just so you don't--

say, "Okay,
I'm going to Prague."

Great.
- Well, yeah, I am.

- Yeah, okay.
[chuckles]

Well, it's good.

- Could I use
your loo, actually?

- Yes, totally.
- Yeah?

- No, of course, yes.
- Cool.

- Should have said
something earlier, yeah.

- Should we be winding a bit--
- Quiet.

- Yeah.
- Okay, just bit a quiet.

- Where have you been?

I've been texting you--

Hey, I'm Kate.

- Tom.
- Yeah.

- Nice to meet you.
- Tom.

- Tom's here
to use the bathroom.

- Okay, cool, great,
yeah, love it.

It's great up there.

- It's down there?
- I can show you.

- It's up on the--
- Just on the left.

- Just on the left, yeah.
- Okay.

- Up.

- What the fuck?
- Shut up.

- What's he doing here?

I thought you were supposed
to be with Dan.

- I was with Dan, and then Tom

was there for some reason,
and then Dan

is now going out with Claire,
and Claire has a fringe now.

A lot has happened,
lot has happened.

- Oh, my God.

When it rains,
it absolutely pisses itself.

What the fuck?
We're out of fucking tea.

Will he have whiskey?

We have ice cream.

What's the vibe?
- That's the thing.

I don't know what the vibe is
because he was like,

"Do you wanna go for a drink?"
And then we went for a drink.

And then he was like, "Oh, I'll

walk a little bit
of the way with you."

And then he's walked
all the way here,

and then now he's in here,

and he's upstairs
in the bathroom,

and I don't know
what that is as a vibe.

- Okay, so the vibe is that he
has made some bullshit excuse

to come over to our house
because he's in love with you

and you are going to have sex.
- Stop it.

Stop it.
Shut up.

- [gasps]

You're going
to go to the Oscars.

- Shut up!

[indistinct arguing]

- You're insane!

[indistinct arguing]

- Have you seen how hot he is?
- I know.

Just calm down.
- You don't understand.

- You're gonna embarrass me.
You're gonna embarrass me.

- This is the best thing ever.
That's why I'm freaking out.

- [sighs]

What are you doing?

[indistinct arguing]

- You are making this hard.

- I'm gonna do whatever--
- I don't care--hey.

How is everything up there?

- You were right.
It's a real party in there.

- Oh, thank you.
- I'd better be off.

- Oh, are you sure?
Because--

- Yeah, no, of course,
yeah, please.

- It was lovely to meet you.

- It was lovely
to meet you, Tom.

- I'm sorry.
- It was great to see you, pal.

- You too, yeah.
[chuckles]

Um, I'll show you out, sorry.
- Yeah, yeah, I'll just--

I'll see you around.
- Yeah, totally.

- Good night.
- Night.

[soft jazz music]

♪ ♪

- "Pal."
- "Pal."

- Yeah, it's not great.

- Oh.

♪ ♪

- Fucking "pal."

♪ ♪