All language subtitles for Reno 911! - S03E12 - Naked Stake-Out (1080p x265 EDGE2020)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:07,040 We take you now live for a statement 2 00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:09,240 from a representative for the Reno Sheriff's Department. 3 00:00:15,940 --> 00:00:17,880 (Jim) 'Ding! Basement.' 4 00:00:19,610 --> 00:00:21,320 - 'Uh, criminal record.' - Criminal record. 5 00:00:21,380 --> 00:00:23,320 - 'Fingerprints. Evidence.' - Underwear. 6 00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:26,290 - 'Underpants.' - Licorice for the lady folk. 7 00:00:26,350 --> 00:00:29,320 - 'Alright, goin' up.' - Next floor. Artichokes. 8 00:00:29,390 --> 00:00:32,060 Artichokes, porcupines, antelopes. 9 00:00:32,690 --> 00:00:33,800 - Ding - Ding. 10 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:36,630 They'll tell us when we're on, right? 11 00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:37,670 Yeah. 12 00:00:38,930 --> 00:00:40,070 - Whoo! - 'Come here.' 13 00:00:42,870 --> 00:00:45,210 - What? - Nothin'. Oh. 14 00:00:47,510 --> 00:00:48,680 Whoa! 15 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:52,980 Go, go, go! 16 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,800 Say what? Ho, ho, ho! 17 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:14,100 Oh. 18 00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:22,710 (Jim) 'Morning, gang.' 19 00:01:22,780 --> 00:01:24,310 - 'Hey.' - Morning. 20 00:01:24,380 --> 00:01:26,980 Uh, I have something I'd like to... 21 00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:29,850 ...say if I might. 22 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,050 Kimball. 23 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:34,720 Uh, I don't appreciate certain... 24 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,960 ...certain, uh, photographic material 25 00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:39,060 that's being inserted into my locker... 26 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:44,430 'From a certain, uh, catalog...' 27 00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:49,640 ...of women in their underwear... 28 00:01:53,610 --> 00:01:55,910 '...with little bubbles comin' out of their mouths.' 29 00:01:57,850 --> 00:01:59,510 I like [bleep]. 30 00:02:01,050 --> 00:02:02,550 Did you get the one I put in there 31 00:02:02,620 --> 00:02:04,490 with the guy and I drew a big penis on him 32 00:02:04,550 --> 00:02:06,220 and [bleep] "I have elephantitis?" 33 00:02:06,290 --> 00:02:08,190 (Kimball) That is just ridiculous. 34 00:02:08,260 --> 00:02:10,360 I'm sorry. I'm takin' a bathroom break. 35 00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:17,900 Is she, is she a lesbian or not? 36 00:02:18,870 --> 00:02:20,440 I'm gonna say yes. 37 00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:23,240 I usually get a really good read on someone 38 00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:26,170 usually I can say, "You know what? She wants it." 39 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,080 I feel like if I were to pull down her pants-- 40 00:02:28,140 --> 00:02:29,280 - 'Shh, shh, shh.' - 'Uh-n-n-n.' 41 00:02:29,340 --> 00:02:30,610 (Jim) 'Aa, la, la, la.' 42 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,050 ♪ London bridge is falling down ♪♪ 43 00:02:34,450 --> 00:02:36,450 Kimball, are you a lesbian? 44 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,390 No. 45 00:02:43,690 --> 00:02:45,130 Kiss Junior if you're not a lesbian. 46 00:02:45,190 --> 00:02:46,900 - 'Hey!' - Hey! 47 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,100 - 'Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!' - 'Do it! Do it!' 48 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,700 No, I'm not gonna kiss Junior. 49 00:02:52,770 --> 00:02:54,270 - 'Do it. Do it.' - Don't... 50 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:57,640 No one remembers last year's sexual harassment suits? No one. 51 00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,840 - No. But this isn't-- - $72,000. 52 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,410 It was taken out of my check 53 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:03,850 every [bleep] damn week. 54 00:03:03,910 --> 00:03:05,910 - 'Nobody remembers that?' - Just how the last one started. 55 00:03:05,980 --> 00:03:07,050 'Have you seen where he lives?' 56 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,520 - Just how the last one started. - 'Have you...' 57 00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:11,550 It's different if he, she doesn't have to make her do it. 58 00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:13,350 If you're not a lesbian, kiss him. 59 00:03:13,420 --> 00:03:15,160 - 'That's not...' - Oh! Oh! 60 00:03:16,390 --> 00:03:17,590 - No! No, no! - On his lips! 61 00:03:17,660 --> 00:03:19,390 (all) On the lips! On the lips! 62 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:21,230 - On the lips! On the lips! - 'Ho, ho, ho. Ho!' 63 00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:23,330 - 'Okay, okay.' - Oh. 64 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:24,870 I hate when I have to get it out. 65 00:03:24,930 --> 00:03:26,770 Why are you gonna make me go for the Beretta? 66 00:03:26,830 --> 00:03:29,870 Suck his [bleep]! Suck his [bleep]! 67 00:03:29,940 --> 00:03:32,070 (Jones) 'Can we please unplug her feeding tube?' 68 00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:39,180 Buenos noches, Pedro. 69 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:41,950 - Hi, Terry. - 'Hey, Terry.' 70 00:03:42,020 --> 00:03:44,650 Whoo-whoo! 71 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:46,520 (Jones) 'You wanna know why we're here?' 72 00:03:46,590 --> 00:03:48,890 Why, is there a fight? 73 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,060 - No, there's not a fight yet. - Yeah, they... 74 00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:52,730 Terry we got a call that, uh 75 00:03:52,790 --> 00:03:54,300 'somebody, an employee here' 76 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,130 'was turnin' tricks up on the roof.' 77 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:57,470 - No way. - Yeah. 78 00:03:57,530 --> 00:03:58,530 - Yes way. - Yeah way. 79 00:03:58,600 --> 00:03:59,930 That's no, not cool. 80 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,040 - Well, what's not cool... - You know anything about that? 81 00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:03,400 - You know anything about it? - No. 82 00:04:03,470 --> 00:04:05,010 I'm afraid of roofs, so it wasn't me. 83 00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:06,410 I'm allergic to 'em. 84 00:04:06,470 --> 00:04:08,380 - You're allergic to roofs? - I'm allergic to roofs. 85 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,880 - Uh-huh. - 'You can ask my doctor.' 86 00:04:09,940 --> 00:04:13,210 How does that manifest itself? How are you allergic to roofs? 87 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,250 If look at them, I throw up. 88 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:16,990 You know what I'm allergic to? Lies. 89 00:04:17,050 --> 00:04:20,150 We had a description about a gentleman of your height 90 00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:22,460 your stature, with a little hat. 91 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,590 What did they have... What was the person's name? 92 00:04:25,630 --> 00:04:27,700 Well, I guess, you know, it might rhyme 93 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,530 with Mary or Harry. 94 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,270 My name isn't Mary or Harry. 95 00:04:32,030 --> 00:04:33,300 My name is... 96 00:04:33,370 --> 00:04:35,940 ♪ Terry ♪♪ 97 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,440 - Well, hold on, Terry. - What? 98 00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:38,640 There's something I wanna say, okay? 99 00:04:38,710 --> 00:04:40,340 - What? - Listen. You know what? 100 00:04:40,410 --> 00:04:42,340 You're misunderstood, okay? 101 00:04:42,410 --> 00:04:45,380 - I'm totally misunderstood. - You-You're misunderstood. 102 00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:47,480 And, um, I wanted to know 103 00:04:47,550 --> 00:04:49,250 what if you and I were to... 104 00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:51,220 ...go up on the roof? 105 00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:53,620 How much would you... 106 00:04:53,690 --> 00:04:55,690 ...would you... I mean, how much would it be? 107 00:04:56,860 --> 00:04:58,460 For... 108 00:04:58,530 --> 00:04:59,660 [whispering] For what? 109 00:04:59,730 --> 00:05:02,200 If I wanted to get like a little bit of... 110 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,000 ...[bleep]. 111 00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:05,400 How much would it be? 112 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,370 [whispering] Five dollars. 113 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:10,610 - Terry, I'm a cop. - What? 114 00:05:10,670 --> 00:05:12,340 I'm holding your hand. And I'm, I'm a cop-- 115 00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:14,310 - I said $5 for the taco. - You, you just... 116 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:17,880 You just solicited a sexual ass [bleep], you know. 117 00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:20,180 Ouch. What are you guys doing? 118 00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:22,520 Tacos, tacos, tacos, tacos is self-served tonight 119 00:05:22,580 --> 00:05:24,920 ladies and gentlemen. Sorry about that, Pedro. 120 00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:27,320 Call the police. I'm being arrested by the police. 121 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,130 Step down from the vehicle, sir. 122 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:36,730 - I'm comin' out! I'm comin'... - Both hands. 123 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,170 - I wanna see both hands. - I ain't got nothin'. 124 00:05:39,230 --> 00:05:41,700 Now put your hands up against the vehicle, sir. 125 00:05:41,770 --> 00:05:42,800 - Yeah? - Hands up. That's right. 126 00:05:42,870 --> 00:05:44,270 Where I can see them. Alright. 127 00:05:44,340 --> 00:05:46,440 - You just stay put there, sir. - Suck it! 128 00:05:54,550 --> 00:05:55,650 Oh, pumpkin. 129 00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:57,890 Oh, little pumpkin. 130 00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,920 We're gonna play Memoirs Of A Geisha now. Huh? 131 00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:10,530 Okey-doke. So we're doin' a little stakeout here today 132 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:14,170 for a Lucky Mike Dennehy, who is a counterfeiter. 133 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,310 - Specializes in $5 bills. - Five's and two's. 134 00:06:17,370 --> 00:06:21,140 Word on the street is he comes in to get a schmitz 135 00:06:21,210 --> 00:06:23,540 here at Reno Therapeutic Massage and Spa. 136 00:06:24,410 --> 00:06:26,550 And, uh, we're gonna... 137 00:06:27,350 --> 00:06:28,620 ...stake him out. 138 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,720 I don't think I ever had a schmitz. 139 00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:32,250 - What is a schmitz? - I've been in the sauna. 140 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,590 - Is that like a Brazilian-- - It's like a Jew sauna. 141 00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:39,360 (Raineesha) This is a very big trend... you know. 142 00:06:39,430 --> 00:06:42,660 Guys getting waxed and massaged. 143 00:06:42,730 --> 00:06:43,900 Mm-hmm. 144 00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:46,630 - Metrosexual, they call it. - Yes, that is. 145 00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:48,870 - Metrosexual. - Mm-hmm. 146 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,240 - 'Oh, my God.' - 'Oh! Okay.' 147 00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,070 - 'There he is.' - 'That's him. That's him.' 148 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,180 (Clementine) 'Ooh.' 149 00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:00,820 'Okay, this is 2-Bombshell-17.' 150 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:04,520 'We are in hot pursuit of a 'Champagne Cadillac.'' 151 00:07:15,830 --> 00:07:17,930 Hello. Hey. Hey! 152 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,740 Hey! 153 00:07:36,380 --> 00:07:37,820 This is Officer Bob. 154 00:07:38,990 --> 00:07:40,190 Hello. 155 00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:42,260 No, he can't talk. He's a mannequin. 156 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:45,530 He's a mannequin that we use to deter people from speeding. 157 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:46,830 You just set him in a car. 158 00:07:46,890 --> 00:07:50,200 It's a ancient Chinese cop secret. 159 00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:52,470 I come here and I lunch with Officer Bob 160 00:07:52,530 --> 00:07:53,870 as often as I can. 161 00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:56,470 It's just like a little... For me it's like a vacation. 162 00:07:58,370 --> 00:08:01,040 Uh-oh, Bob. Turkey. 163 00:08:01,110 --> 00:08:02,510 We have this thing. I go, "Turkey" 164 00:08:02,580 --> 00:08:04,510 and we both go, "Turkey again?" 165 00:08:05,450 --> 00:08:07,480 Sometimes we play this game. 166 00:08:07,550 --> 00:08:10,350 I never... 167 00:08:11,420 --> 00:08:13,090 ...made out with a mannequin. 168 00:08:21,930 --> 00:08:23,560 I have to drink because I have... 169 00:08:33,610 --> 00:08:36,080 (Jim) Just three more miles to the station. 170 00:08:38,180 --> 00:08:39,610 Oh, God. 171 00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:41,880 Oh! 172 00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,720 - Sheriff's Department. - Sheriff's Department! 173 00:08:49,260 --> 00:08:50,260 - Sheriff's Department! 174 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,930 - Have a nice day. - Have a nice day. 175 00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:02,500 Sheriff's Department! 176 00:09:02,570 --> 00:09:04,840 - Oh, guys, hi. They're here. - Oh! Hi, there. 177 00:09:04,910 --> 00:09:07,410 I'm sorry, listen, I wasn't sure whether I should call you 178 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,040 or not, I'm afraid this might be a big "Never mind." 179 00:09:10,110 --> 00:09:11,580 - I'm sorry. - Okay, well... 180 00:09:11,650 --> 00:09:13,750 Why don't you just tell us why you initially called. 181 00:09:13,810 --> 00:09:15,080 Well, I called because a guy... 182 00:09:15,150 --> 00:09:16,620 A young fellow came by 183 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,420 a little bit earlier today, and I guess he was in a hurry 184 00:09:19,490 --> 00:09:21,620 or whatever, because when I answered the door 185 00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:24,330 he just kind of pushed his way right on in. 186 00:09:24,390 --> 00:09:26,960 And he ran... He was in a hurry to get into the house. 187 00:09:27,030 --> 00:09:29,130 And I didn't know who he was and... 188 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,300 (Kimball) 'Do you have a description?' 189 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,300 Any distinguishing characteristics? 190 00:09:33,370 --> 00:09:35,140 He had...a hat... 191 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,840 but that covered his whole face. Uh... 192 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:39,240 So he was wearing a ski mask 193 00:09:39,310 --> 00:09:41,440 in-in the middle of a, the hot weather. 194 00:09:41,510 --> 00:09:43,680 - Yeah. - And you felt, uh, alarmed. 195 00:09:43,740 --> 00:09:45,280 I suppose, that's why you called us. 196 00:09:45,350 --> 00:09:47,620 Not really. I just wasn't sure, you know 197 00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:49,950 and I was...because it hasn't happened before 198 00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:51,490 and it was out of the ordinary. 199 00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,590 But he did take q-quite a few things. 200 00:09:53,650 --> 00:09:55,390 He was carrying a gun. 201 00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:57,060 - Wait, what? - Oh, he had a gun? 202 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,090 Yeah. But he... No, but he... 203 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,800 Well, you guys have holsters and things. 204 00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:03,160 I-I don't know that he had any other place to put it. 205 00:10:03,230 --> 00:10:05,370 So he did... He just had it in his hand. 206 00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:07,370 I mean, I... Look, what do I know? 207 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,770 But to me, this looks like 208 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,370 a breaking an entering and a theft. 209 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,210 - So... - She's a good cop. 210 00:10:13,270 --> 00:10:15,510 But that's really, I have to say jumping to conclusions 211 00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:18,110 because...you know, uh, he pushed me. 212 00:10:18,180 --> 00:10:19,450 He did shove me. 213 00:10:19,510 --> 00:10:21,350 Uh, he did take things, but I don't know 214 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,180 if you wanna call it...the... 215 00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:25,350 I wouldn't use the 'T' word. 216 00:10:25,420 --> 00:10:27,390 Sir, do you... I'm sorry to interrupt here 217 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:31,190 but do you or do you not wanna press charges against this... 218 00:10:31,260 --> 00:10:32,490 I don't think so. 219 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,530 I don't think. I don't think that's appropriate. 220 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,930 - Okay, then. - But, uh, listen... 221 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,570 So I don't want you to press charges, although 222 00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:39,900 if you see him with, he... 223 00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:42,000 And he's with my daughter... 224 00:10:42,070 --> 00:10:44,310 I would love to just get her back here. 225 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,140 Where are we, by the way? 226 00:10:50,210 --> 00:10:51,850 Uh... 227 00:10:51,910 --> 00:10:53,680 I think Virginia's... 228 00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:54,920 ...two blocks that way. 229 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,450 The sun is behind us 230 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,820 and it's moving...this way? 231 00:10:59,890 --> 00:11:01,790 It's not moving this way. 232 00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:04,590 - So we're headed... - We're headed East. 233 00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:06,090 - Are you sure? - No. 234 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,460 I probably could've been a Park Ranger. 235 00:11:10,530 --> 00:11:11,870 - Oh, that's the life, man. - You know... 236 00:11:11,930 --> 00:11:13,530 The Crips never go camping. 237 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:16,140 No, Crips don't go camping. The Bloods don't go camping. 238 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,610 The Latin Kings don... None of those [bleep] camp. 239 00:11:18,670 --> 00:11:19,640 You know who camps? 240 00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:21,480 - Nice people. - Nice Germans. 241 00:11:21,540 --> 00:11:23,140 - Nice Germans. - Friendly Germans. 242 00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:25,750 Japanese folks. Little Japanese kids. 243 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,580 - Little... Yeah. - Which way did we say? 244 00:11:27,650 --> 00:11:28,980 - Uh... - Airport's that way. 245 00:11:29,050 --> 00:11:31,950 But the Catholic School is right there. 246 00:11:32,020 --> 00:11:33,290 We're gonna have to run the gauntlet 247 00:11:33,350 --> 00:11:36,390 and do the Catholic School, I guess. We'll say FBI. 248 00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:37,490 Right. 249 00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:40,660 - 'FBI!' - 'FBI!' 250 00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:42,460 - 'Nothing to see here.' - 'Nothing to see. FBI.' 251 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,140 What's up, boys? How you doing? 252 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,270 S. Jones. 253 00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:58,950 Today we are...visiting a known serial killer. 254 00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,350 A very dangerous man. 255 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,420 Hello. 256 00:12:04,150 --> 00:12:05,890 Hello. 257 00:12:05,950 --> 00:12:08,820 I wanna know about Cindy Wong, okay? 258 00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:11,260 Look at you, asking questions. 259 00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:13,430 Boy, you the man now, ain't you? 260 00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:16,700 'Come a long way, haven't you?' 261 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,630 Well... 262 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:20,670 I always have been the man. You just never knew. 263 00:12:20,730 --> 00:12:22,770 (Mike) 'Oh, yeah. Yeah. You've always been the man.' 264 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:23,840 Yeah. 265 00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:25,410 (male #1) 'Were you the man in the hood?' 266 00:12:25,470 --> 00:12:27,740 'Back in the old days. Huh?' 267 00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:31,450 'Those broken and desperate streets.' 268 00:12:31,510 --> 00:12:34,080 Where you were hangin' with your homies, drinkin' bumpers 269 00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:37,150 smokin' blunts, playin' stickball on streets 270 00:12:37,220 --> 00:12:39,650 with cars with no hubcaps? 271 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,990 Just so you can bust and survive, you little bitch 272 00:12:42,060 --> 00:12:43,660 just to scrape together a little cheddar 273 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,160 so you could bring a hambone to your mama? 274 00:12:48,130 --> 00:12:51,730 Actually, I grew up in a, a real lame suburb 275 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,530 of Minnesota called Mound. 276 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,240 Pretty privileged, actually. 277 00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:57,400 (male #1) 'Oh.' 278 00:12:58,640 --> 00:12:59,940 - Really? - 'Yeah.' 279 00:13:00,010 --> 00:13:01,810 (male #1) 'Oh.' 280 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,180 Cindy Wong. 281 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,250 Oh, yeah. I, uh, I buried her under the stairs. 282 00:13:06,310 --> 00:13:08,420 (Jones) 'Cool. Alright. Thanks, man.' 283 00:13:13,450 --> 00:13:14,720 We see him already. 284 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:17,360 Yeah, we see ya. 285 00:13:17,420 --> 00:13:18,930 - 'Come on!' - Okay. 286 00:13:18,990 --> 00:13:20,530 (Wiegel) 'Cool your cookies, sir. What's going on?' 287 00:13:20,590 --> 00:13:22,000 - What's the matter? - Well, come on, man. 288 00:13:22,060 --> 00:13:24,500 Someone stole all my assault rifles. 289 00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,000 All my guns. 290 00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:27,870 I had this 'Double Uzi.' 291 00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,270 You guys ever seen 'ZZ Top,' that double guitar? 292 00:13:30,340 --> 00:13:32,510 I had a 'Double Uzi.' It was sweet. 293 00:13:32,570 --> 00:13:35,380 I had a Bazooka... Uh, sentimental value. 294 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,880 My grandpa gave it to me. 295 00:13:36,940 --> 00:13:38,250 Now, let's start here. 296 00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:40,480 Um, if we had the, um 297 00:13:40,550 --> 00:13:42,550 the permits for all these rifles 298 00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:45,120 and sawed-off shotguns, we might be able to find-- 299 00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:46,990 I make my own permits. 300 00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:51,160 Sometimes you gotta shoot someone before the ten days... 301 00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:53,060 (Clementine) 'Have you, have you had to do that recently?' 302 00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:54,560 - Have you had to shoot someone? - Hell, yeah! 303 00:13:54,630 --> 00:13:57,360 People comin' around here. I got a drop tonight. 304 00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:59,870 I got this, uh, Afghani hash comin' in. 305 00:13:59,930 --> 00:14:01,870 And these, these old boys are gonna come around 306 00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:03,170 try to get my stuff 307 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:06,170 and I'm gonna need at least, at least an Uzi. 308 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,940 You know that drugs are illegal, right? 309 00:14:09,010 --> 00:14:10,180 No, no, no. It depends. 310 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,180 People need drugs for all different reasons. 311 00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:14,150 Oh, so you have medical hashish. 312 00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:16,980 Medical hashish, medical cocaine, medical acid. 313 00:14:17,050 --> 00:14:18,520 I got it all, man. 314 00:14:18,590 --> 00:14:20,520 (male #2) 'Where are you guys takin' me?' 315 00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:22,090 We're gonna take you to find your sawed-off shotguns. 316 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,330 (Clementine) We're gonna find some guns and some drugs. 317 00:14:24,390 --> 00:14:25,330 (male #2) 'Now we're talkin'.' 318 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:46,550 Find us one? 319 00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:51,690 Alarm. 320 00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:56,690 No. It's good. Go. 321 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,230 - Ha! - Looks clear. 322 00:14:58,290 --> 00:15:00,930 Ha! Hot! Hot! Hot! Oh, my gosh! It's hot! Hot! 323 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,330 Hot. Alright. Okay. 324 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,070 Uh! What do you do? You got to get... 325 00:15:06,130 --> 00:15:07,470 (Travis) You snap off the steering column. 326 00:15:07,530 --> 00:15:09,100 - Uh, okay. - Two wires. 327 00:15:09,170 --> 00:15:10,240 - Yeah. - Yellow, red. 328 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,470 - Okay. - Connect 'em up at the top. 329 00:15:12,540 --> 00:15:15,110 Okay. Ah. I can get in there now. 330 00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:17,650 What if they're... What if they're blue and black? 331 00:15:17,710 --> 00:15:19,450 No, that's wrong. They got to be yellow and red. 332 00:15:19,510 --> 00:15:21,650 - But they're blue and black. - I might be thinking of stereo. 333 00:15:22,580 --> 00:15:24,150 - Audio. - That's right and left. 334 00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:27,290 - No, it's audio and... - Oh, that's RCA. 335 00:15:27,350 --> 00:15:28,920 The yellow one's video. 336 00:15:28,990 --> 00:15:30,590 Oh, [bleep]. 337 00:15:30,660 --> 00:15:33,530 - Uh, Jim... - What are you doin' in my car? 338 00:15:33,590 --> 00:15:35,060 Oh. Hi. 339 00:15:35,130 --> 00:15:36,800 Oh, God. Why are you naked? 340 00:15:36,860 --> 00:15:39,600 I am so sick of things like this happenin' to me! 341 00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:41,440 Whoa! [bleep]. Ho, ho, ho, Ho! 342 00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:45,470 I'm sick of things like this happenin' to me! 343 00:15:58,390 --> 00:16:00,450 who killed that other lady for her baby? 344 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:02,060 Sure I did, Mary. 345 00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:04,560 Happened right... 346 00:16:06,130 --> 00:16:08,400 ...in her own home. 347 00:16:08,460 --> 00:16:11,330 Which means today, more than ever 348 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,900 it's time for the Police Tek 2000 Body Guard 349 00:16:14,970 --> 00:16:17,570 with a flick of the wrist... 350 00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:21,640 ...you unleash the power 351 00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:24,280 of a professional police nightstick 352 00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:27,680 made from heavy-duty al-ali-aluminum. 353 00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:30,020 But I've never used a nightstick. 354 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:34,620 That's why it comes with this instructional DVD. 355 00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:37,560 In just 40 minutes, you'll learn 356 00:16:37,620 --> 00:16:42,260 all of the nightstick methods used by real police officers. 357 00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:43,700 (male narrator) You'll learn patented moves 358 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,900 like the knee drop, the non-lethal hand and wrist 359 00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:48,540 the close quarters groin, the close quarters face and eye 360 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,140 the non-lethal choke down, the lethal choke down 361 00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:56,040 riot control, backhand face and groin, and L.A. Style. 362 00:16:56,110 --> 00:16:59,710 Whoo. Sounds like I can finally start jogging again. 363 00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:03,520 Or go to the park in a skirt or swimwear. 364 00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:05,150 And just remember 365 00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:08,820 to bring your big, black bodyguard. 366 00:17:08,890 --> 00:17:12,690 (all) Your Police Tek 2000 Body Guard. 367 00:17:15,830 --> 00:17:18,500 Te habla espanol, tambien? 368 00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:19,800 - No, sir. - Well... 369 00:17:19,870 --> 00:17:20,930 You better aprende 370 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,100 some Espanol, 'cause we got 371 00:17:22,170 --> 00:17:23,770 a lot of them spicks around here. 372 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,170 You know what I have to learn how to say... 373 00:17:27,810 --> 00:17:29,240 ...in Espanol? 374 00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:32,880 I have to learn how to say that, right? 375 00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:34,650 Freeze! 376 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,050 Freeze! How do you say "Freeze" in Espanol? 377 00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:38,790 I know that "Ice" is hielo. 378 00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,950 So maybe you can go 379 00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:43,460 ...uh, "Por favor..." 380 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,790 Say "Hazte hielo." "Make yourself ice." 381 00:17:47,630 --> 00:17:50,330 That's a good one. "Se hazte hielo." 382 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,630 Say "hazte hielo." 383 00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:53,470 Sounds like "Your ass is yellow." 384 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,070 Which is also meanin'... 385 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,770 - "You're a coward." - "You're a coward." 386 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,070 - So it has double meanin'. - Yeah. 387 00:17:59,140 --> 00:18:03,180 Por favor, say ass a-yellow. 388 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,480 - Make yourself like ice. - "Make yourself like ice." 389 00:18:06,550 --> 00:18:09,080 Por favor, se hazte hielo. 390 00:18:09,150 --> 00:18:12,390 Go ahead. Yell it out. See what he says. 391 00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:14,860 If I'd rolled down the window, he would've listened to me. 392 00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:26,970 And now...Deputy and Lady. 393 00:18:27,030 --> 00:18:28,440 Good morning, boys and girls. 394 00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:30,340 We're very glad to be here. 395 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,340 'Isn't this exciting, Lady?' 396 00:18:32,410 --> 00:18:34,310 I guess so. 397 00:18:34,370 --> 00:18:36,140 You don't sound very happy. 398 00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:38,110 What's wrong? 399 00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:41,920 I'm not feeling very good about myself. 400 00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:44,720 But why? You're so pretty. 401 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,950 'I know, but I'm also a dummy.' 402 00:18:47,020 --> 00:18:49,360 And it turns out I'm stupid, too. 403 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:51,860 What do you mean? 404 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:54,330 I didn't graduate from high school. 405 00:18:54,390 --> 00:18:55,900 Lady, no. 406 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,260 It's true. 407 00:18:57,330 --> 00:18:59,230 I spent my senior year 408 00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:02,270 makin' out with my boyfriend in his hearse all night. 409 00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:06,540 Then I'd sleep all day and watch soap operas all afternoon. 410 00:19:06,610 --> 00:19:09,580 Now I can't get a job frying French fries 411 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,250 'cause I don't have a high school diploma. 412 00:19:12,310 --> 00:19:14,310 And the only job I can get 413 00:19:14,380 --> 00:19:18,650 involves having yahoos like you with your hand up my skirt. 414 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:22,160 (Jones) 'So what advice would you have for the kids today?' 415 00:19:22,220 --> 00:19:25,260 Don't drop out. 416 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,860 Drop in. 417 00:19:27,930 --> 00:19:29,430 Truancy 418 00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:33,030 is for dummies. 419 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,110 - You're sitting on my [bleep]. - Oh. 420 00:19:40,170 --> 00:19:41,210 - Is that what that is? - Yeah. 421 00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:52,490 - Nice day, though. - Oh, it's pretty nice. 422 00:19:53,690 --> 00:19:55,320 - Oh, the force. - Hey, hey, hey. 423 00:19:55,390 --> 00:19:57,320 Check it out. Clothes. 424 00:19:57,390 --> 00:19:58,660 (Travis) 'Oh.' 425 00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:10,800 (Dangle) Uh...hi. 426 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:13,970 Hello. 427 00:20:22,550 --> 00:20:25,150 (Rainessha) 'Look at this. Look at, look at the butt cellulite.' 428 00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:27,650 - Look at that. - 'She's 150.' 429 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,760 She shouldn't be wearing a bathing suit. 430 00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:31,790 Excuse me. 431 00:20:31,860 --> 00:20:33,660 (Trudy) 'Wait a second. Wait a second.' 432 00:20:36,230 --> 00:20:39,070 - Sasquatch. - I really appreciate it. 433 00:20:39,130 --> 00:20:40,270 - Here's your helmet. - 'Thank you.' 434 00:20:40,330 --> 00:20:41,470 - Well, thanks for the loaner. - Yeah, yeah. 435 00:20:42,270 --> 00:20:44,200 Sasquatch. Thanks, bro. 436 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,080 Ladies. 437 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,350 (Jim) 'Hi.' 438 00:21:03,590 --> 00:21:04,660 Here we go. 439 00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:06,660 In you go. In you go. 440 00:21:07,390 --> 00:21:08,560 Oh, little memoir... 441 00:21:14,270 --> 00:21:15,840 Hey, sir. 442 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,640 You know what happened? I must've hit you back there. 443 00:21:17,700 --> 00:21:19,640 (Travis) 'Why do I taste gold bonds?' 444 00:21:19,710 --> 00:21:21,840 Yeah, sometimes, they say when you get a concussion 445 00:21:21,910 --> 00:21:23,410 you taste or smell something strange. 446 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,610 - 'Gold bonds powder?' - Yeah. 447 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,680 - Gold bonded medicated powder. - 'Yeah.' 448 00:21:26,750 --> 00:21:27,880 - Yeah. - 'I think, uh...' 449 00:21:27,950 --> 00:21:29,150 Well, I'm going to pull over to... 450 00:21:29,220 --> 00:21:30,220 - 'Real nice to meet you.' - Good seeing you. 30932

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