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1
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:07,040
We take you now live
for a statement
2
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:09,240
from a representative for
the Reno Sheriff's Department.
3
00:00:15,940 --> 00:00:17,880
(Jim)
'Ding! Basement.'
4
00:00:19,610 --> 00:00:21,320
- 'Uh, criminal record.'
- Criminal record.
5
00:00:21,380 --> 00:00:23,320
- 'Fingerprints. Evidence.'
- Underwear.
6
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:26,290
- 'Underpants.'
- Licorice for the lady folk.
7
00:00:26,350 --> 00:00:29,320
- 'Alright, goin' up.'
- Next floor. Artichokes.
8
00:00:29,390 --> 00:00:32,060
Artichokes, porcupines,
antelopes.
9
00:00:32,690 --> 00:00:33,800
- Ding
- Ding.
10
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:36,630
They'll tell us
when we're on, right?
11
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:37,670
Yeah.
12
00:00:38,930 --> 00:00:40,070
- Whoo!
- 'Come here.'
13
00:00:42,870 --> 00:00:45,210
- What?
- Nothin'. Oh.
14
00:00:47,510 --> 00:00:48,680
Whoa!
15
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:52,980
Go, go, go!
16
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,800
Say what?
Ho, ho, ho!
17
00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:14,100
Oh.
18
00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:22,710
(Jim)
'Morning, gang.'
19
00:01:22,780 --> 00:01:24,310
- 'Hey.'
- Morning.
20
00:01:24,380 --> 00:01:26,980
Uh, I have something
I'd like to...
21
00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:29,850
...say if I might.
22
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,050
Kimball.
23
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:34,720
Uh, I don't appreciate
certain...
24
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,960
...certain, uh,
photographic material
25
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:39,060
that's being inserted
into my locker...
26
00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:44,430
'From a certain, uh, catalog...'
27
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:49,640
...of women
in their underwear...
28
00:01:53,610 --> 00:01:55,910
'...with little bubbles
comin' out of their mouths.'
29
00:01:57,850 --> 00:01:59,510
I like [bleep].
30
00:02:01,050 --> 00:02:02,550
Did you get the one
I put in there
31
00:02:02,620 --> 00:02:04,490
with the guy and I drew
a big penis on him
32
00:02:04,550 --> 00:02:06,220
and [bleep]
"I have elephantitis?"
33
00:02:06,290 --> 00:02:08,190
(Kimball)
That is just ridiculous.
34
00:02:08,260 --> 00:02:10,360
I'm sorry.
I'm takin' a bathroom break.
35
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:17,900
Is she, is she a lesbian or not?
36
00:02:18,870 --> 00:02:20,440
I'm gonna say yes.
37
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:23,240
I usually get a
really good read on someone
38
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:26,170
usually I can say,
"You know what? She wants it."
39
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,080
I feel like if I were to
pull down her pants--
40
00:02:28,140 --> 00:02:29,280
- 'Shh, shh, shh.'
- 'Uh-n-n-n.'
41
00:02:29,340 --> 00:02:30,610
(Jim)
'Aa, la, la, la.'
42
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,050
♪ London bridge
is falling down ♪♪
43
00:02:34,450 --> 00:02:36,450
Kimball, are you a lesbian?
44
00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,390
No.
45
00:02:43,690 --> 00:02:45,130
Kiss Junior if you're
not a lesbian.
46
00:02:45,190 --> 00:02:46,900
- 'Hey!'
- Hey!
47
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,100
- 'Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!'
- 'Do it! Do it!'
48
00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,700
No, I'm not gonna kiss Junior.
49
00:02:52,770 --> 00:02:54,270
- 'Do it. Do it.'
- Don't...
50
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:57,640
No one remembers last year's
sexual harassment suits? No one.
51
00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,840
- No. But this isn't--
- $72,000.
52
00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,410
It was taken out of my check
53
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:03,850
every [bleep] damn week.
54
00:03:03,910 --> 00:03:05,910
- 'Nobody remembers that?'
- Just how the last one started.
55
00:03:05,980 --> 00:03:07,050
'Have you seen where he lives?'
56
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,520
- Just how the last one started.
- 'Have you...'
57
00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:11,550
It's different if he, she
doesn't have to make her do it.
58
00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:13,350
If you're not a lesbian,
kiss him.
59
00:03:13,420 --> 00:03:15,160
- 'That's not...'
- Oh! Oh!
60
00:03:16,390 --> 00:03:17,590
- No! No, no!
- On his lips!
61
00:03:17,660 --> 00:03:19,390
(all)
On the lips! On the lips!
62
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:21,230
- On the lips! On the lips!
- 'Ho, ho, ho. Ho!'
63
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:23,330
- 'Okay, okay.'
- Oh.
64
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:24,870
I hate when I have to
get it out.
65
00:03:24,930 --> 00:03:26,770
Why are you gonna make me
go for the Beretta?
66
00:03:26,830 --> 00:03:29,870
Suck his [bleep]!
Suck his [bleep]!
67
00:03:29,940 --> 00:03:32,070
(Jones)
'Can we please unplug her
feeding tube?'
68
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:39,180
Buenos noches, Pedro.
69
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:41,950
- Hi, Terry.
- 'Hey, Terry.'
70
00:03:42,020 --> 00:03:44,650
Whoo-whoo!
71
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:46,520
(Jones)
'You wanna know why we're here?'
72
00:03:46,590 --> 00:03:48,890
Why, is there a fight?
73
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,060
- No, there's not a fight yet.
- Yeah, they...
74
00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:52,730
Terry we got a call that, uh
75
00:03:52,790 --> 00:03:54,300
'somebody, an employee here'
76
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,130
'was turnin' tricks
up on the roof.'
77
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:57,470
- No way.
- Yeah.
78
00:03:57,530 --> 00:03:58,530
- Yes way.
- Yeah way.
79
00:03:58,600 --> 00:03:59,930
That's no, not cool.
80
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,040
- Well, what's not cool...
- You know anything about that?
81
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:03,400
- You know anything about it?
- No.
82
00:04:03,470 --> 00:04:05,010
I'm afraid of roofs,
so it wasn't me.
83
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:06,410
I'm allergic to 'em.
84
00:04:06,470 --> 00:04:08,380
- You're allergic to roofs?
- I'm allergic to roofs.
85
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,880
- Uh-huh.
- 'You can ask my doctor.'
86
00:04:09,940 --> 00:04:13,210
How does that manifest itself?
How are you allergic to roofs?
87
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,250
If look at them, I throw up.
88
00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:16,990
You know what I'm allergic to?
Lies.
89
00:04:17,050 --> 00:04:20,150
We had a description about a
gentleman of your height
90
00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:22,460
your stature,
with a little hat.
91
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,590
What did they have...
What was the person's name?
92
00:04:25,630 --> 00:04:27,700
Well, I guess,
you know, it might rhyme
93
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,530
with Mary or Harry.
94
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,270
My name isn't Mary or Harry.
95
00:04:32,030 --> 00:04:33,300
My name is...
96
00:04:33,370 --> 00:04:35,940
♪ Terry ♪♪
97
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,440
- Well, hold on, Terry.
- What?
98
00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:38,640
There's something
I wanna say, okay?
99
00:04:38,710 --> 00:04:40,340
- What?
- Listen. You know what?
100
00:04:40,410 --> 00:04:42,340
You're misunderstood, okay?
101
00:04:42,410 --> 00:04:45,380
- I'm totally misunderstood.
- You-You're misunderstood.
102
00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:47,480
And, um, I wanted to know
103
00:04:47,550 --> 00:04:49,250
what if you and I were to...
104
00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:51,220
...go up on the roof?
105
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:53,620
How much would you...
106
00:04:53,690 --> 00:04:55,690
...would you...
I mean, how much would it be?
107
00:04:56,860 --> 00:04:58,460
For...
108
00:04:58,530 --> 00:04:59,660
[whispering]
For what?
109
00:04:59,730 --> 00:05:02,200
If I wanted to get
like a little bit of...
110
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,000
...[bleep].
111
00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:05,400
How much would it be?
112
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,370
[whispering]
Five dollars.
113
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:10,610
- Terry, I'm a cop.
- What?
114
00:05:10,670 --> 00:05:12,340
I'm holding your hand.
And I'm, I'm a cop--
115
00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:14,310
- I said $5 for the taco.
- You, you just...
116
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:17,880
You just solicited a sexual ass
[bleep], you know.
117
00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:20,180
Ouch. What are you guys doing?
118
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:22,520
Tacos, tacos, tacos, tacos
is self-served tonight
119
00:05:22,580 --> 00:05:24,920
ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry about that, Pedro.
120
00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:27,320
Call the police. I'm being
arrested by the police.
121
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,130
Step down from the vehicle, sir.
122
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:36,730
- I'm comin' out! I'm comin'...
- Both hands.
123
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,170
- I wanna see both hands.
- I ain't got nothin'.
124
00:05:39,230 --> 00:05:41,700
Now put your hands up
against the vehicle, sir.
125
00:05:41,770 --> 00:05:42,800
- Yeah?
- Hands up. That's right.
126
00:05:42,870 --> 00:05:44,270
Where I can see them.
Alright.
127
00:05:44,340 --> 00:05:46,440
- You just stay put there, sir.
- Suck it!
128
00:05:54,550 --> 00:05:55,650
Oh, pumpkin.
129
00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:57,890
Oh, little pumpkin.
130
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,920
We're gonna play
Memoirs Of A Geisha now. Huh?
131
00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:10,530
Okey-doke. So we're doin'
a little stakeout here today
132
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:14,170
for a Lucky Mike Dennehy,
who is a counterfeiter.
133
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,310
- Specializes in $5 bills.
- Five's and two's.
134
00:06:17,370 --> 00:06:21,140
Word on the street
is he comes in to get a schmitz
135
00:06:21,210 --> 00:06:23,540
here at Reno Therapeutic
Massage and Spa.
136
00:06:24,410 --> 00:06:26,550
And, uh, we're gonna...
137
00:06:27,350 --> 00:06:28,620
...stake him out.
138
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,720
I don't think I ever had
a schmitz.
139
00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:32,250
- What is a schmitz?
- I've been in the sauna.
140
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,590
- Is that like a Brazilian--
- It's like a Jew sauna.
141
00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:39,360
(Raineesha)
This is a very big trend...
you know.
142
00:06:39,430 --> 00:06:42,660
Guys getting waxed
and massaged.
143
00:06:42,730 --> 00:06:43,900
Mm-hmm.
144
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:46,630
- Metrosexual, they call it.
- Yes, that is.
145
00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:48,870
- Metrosexual.
- Mm-hmm.
146
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,240
- 'Oh, my God.'
- 'Oh! Okay.'
147
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,070
- 'There he is.'
- 'That's him. That's him.'
148
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,180
(Clementine)
'Ooh.'
149
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:00,820
'Okay, this is 2-Bombshell-17.'
150
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:04,520
'We are in hot pursuit of
a 'Champagne Cadillac.''
151
00:07:15,830 --> 00:07:17,930
Hello. Hey. Hey!
152
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,740
Hey!
153
00:07:36,380 --> 00:07:37,820
This is Officer Bob.
154
00:07:38,990 --> 00:07:40,190
Hello.
155
00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:42,260
No, he can't talk.
He's a mannequin.
156
00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:45,530
He's a mannequin that we use
to deter people from speeding.
157
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:46,830
You just set him in a car.
158
00:07:46,890 --> 00:07:50,200
It's a ancient Chinese
cop secret.
159
00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:52,470
I come here and I lunch
with Officer Bob
160
00:07:52,530 --> 00:07:53,870
as often as I can.
161
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:56,470
It's just like a little...
For me it's like a vacation.
162
00:07:58,370 --> 00:08:01,040
Uh-oh, Bob. Turkey.
163
00:08:01,110 --> 00:08:02,510
We have this thing.
I go, "Turkey"
164
00:08:02,580 --> 00:08:04,510
and we both go, "Turkey again?"
165
00:08:05,450 --> 00:08:07,480
Sometimes we play this game.
166
00:08:07,550 --> 00:08:10,350
I never...
167
00:08:11,420 --> 00:08:13,090
...made out
with a mannequin.
168
00:08:21,930 --> 00:08:23,560
I have to drink
because I have...
169
00:08:33,610 --> 00:08:36,080
(Jim)
Just three more miles
to the station.
170
00:08:38,180 --> 00:08:39,610
Oh, God.
171
00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:41,880
Oh!
172
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,720
- Sheriff's Department.
- Sheriff's Department!
173
00:08:49,260 --> 00:08:50,260
- Sheriff's Department!
174
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,930
- Have a nice day.
- Have a nice day.
175
00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:02,500
Sheriff's Department!
176
00:09:02,570 --> 00:09:04,840
- Oh, guys, hi. They're here.
- Oh! Hi, there.
177
00:09:04,910 --> 00:09:07,410
I'm sorry, listen, I wasn't sure
whether I should call you
178
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,040
or not, I'm afraid this might be
a big "Never mind."
179
00:09:10,110 --> 00:09:11,580
- I'm sorry.
- Okay, well...
180
00:09:11,650 --> 00:09:13,750
Why don't you just tell us
why you initially called.
181
00:09:13,810 --> 00:09:15,080
Well, I called because a guy...
182
00:09:15,150 --> 00:09:16,620
A young fellow came by
183
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,420
a little bit earlier today,
and I guess he was in a hurry
184
00:09:19,490 --> 00:09:21,620
or whatever, because
when I answered the door
185
00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:24,330
he just kind of
pushed his way right on in.
186
00:09:24,390 --> 00:09:26,960
And he ran... He was in a hurry
to get into the house.
187
00:09:27,030 --> 00:09:29,130
And I didn't know
who he was and...
188
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,300
(Kimball)
'Do you have a description?'
189
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,300
Any distinguishing
characteristics?
190
00:09:33,370 --> 00:09:35,140
He had...a hat...
191
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,840
but that covered his whole face.
Uh...
192
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:39,240
So he was wearing a ski mask
193
00:09:39,310 --> 00:09:41,440
in-in the middle
of a, the hot weather.
194
00:09:41,510 --> 00:09:43,680
- Yeah.
- And you felt, uh, alarmed.
195
00:09:43,740 --> 00:09:45,280
I suppose,
that's why you called us.
196
00:09:45,350 --> 00:09:47,620
Not really.
I just wasn't sure, you know
197
00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:49,950
and I was...because it
hasn't happened before
198
00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:51,490
and it was out of the ordinary.
199
00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,590
But he did take
q-quite a few things.
200
00:09:53,650 --> 00:09:55,390
He was carrying a gun.
201
00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:57,060
- Wait, what?
- Oh, he had a gun?
202
00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,090
Yeah. But he... No, but he...
203
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,800
Well, you guys
have holsters and things.
204
00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:03,160
I-I don't know that he had any
other place to put it.
205
00:10:03,230 --> 00:10:05,370
So he did...
He just had it in his hand.
206
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:07,370
I mean, I...
Look, what do I know?
207
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,770
But to me, this looks like
208
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,370
a breaking an entering
and a theft.
209
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,210
- So...
- She's a good cop.
210
00:10:13,270 --> 00:10:15,510
But that's really, I have to say
jumping to conclusions
211
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:18,110
because...you know,
uh, he pushed me.
212
00:10:18,180 --> 00:10:19,450
He did shove me.
213
00:10:19,510 --> 00:10:21,350
Uh, he did take things,
but I don't know
214
00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,180
if you wanna call it...the...
215
00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:25,350
I wouldn't use the 'T' word.
216
00:10:25,420 --> 00:10:27,390
Sir, do you...
I'm sorry to interrupt here
217
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:31,190
but do you or do you not wanna
press charges against this...
218
00:10:31,260 --> 00:10:32,490
I don't think so.
219
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,530
I don't think. I don't think
that's appropriate.
220
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,930
- Okay, then.
- But, uh, listen...
221
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,570
So I don't want you to press
charges, although
222
00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:39,900
if you see him with, he...
223
00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:42,000
And he's with my daughter...
224
00:10:42,070 --> 00:10:44,310
I would love to
just get her back here.
225
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,140
Where are we, by the way?
226
00:10:50,210 --> 00:10:51,850
Uh...
227
00:10:51,910 --> 00:10:53,680
I think Virginia's...
228
00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:54,920
...two blocks that way.
229
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,450
The sun is behind us
230
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,820
and it's moving...this way?
231
00:10:59,890 --> 00:11:01,790
It's not moving this way.
232
00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:04,590
- So we're headed...
- We're headed East.
233
00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:06,090
- Are you sure?
- No.
234
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,460
I probably could've
been a Park Ranger.
235
00:11:10,530 --> 00:11:11,870
- Oh, that's the life, man.
- You know...
236
00:11:11,930 --> 00:11:13,530
The Crips never go camping.
237
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:16,140
No, Crips don't go camping.
The Bloods don't go camping.
238
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,610
The Latin Kings don...
None of those [bleep] camp.
239
00:11:18,670 --> 00:11:19,640
You know who camps?
240
00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:21,480
- Nice people.
- Nice Germans.
241
00:11:21,540 --> 00:11:23,140
- Nice Germans.
- Friendly Germans.
242
00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:25,750
Japanese folks.
Little Japanese kids.
243
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,580
- Little... Yeah.
- Which way did we say?
244
00:11:27,650 --> 00:11:28,980
- Uh...
- Airport's that way.
245
00:11:29,050 --> 00:11:31,950
But the Catholic School
is right there.
246
00:11:32,020 --> 00:11:33,290
We're gonna have to
run the gauntlet
247
00:11:33,350 --> 00:11:36,390
and do the Catholic School,
I guess. We'll say FBI.
248
00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:37,490
Right.
249
00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:40,660
- 'FBI!'
- 'FBI!'
250
00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:42,460
- 'Nothing to see here.'
- 'Nothing to see. FBI.'
251
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,140
What's up, boys? How you doing?
252
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,270
S. Jones.
253
00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:58,950
Today we are...visiting
a known serial killer.
254
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,350
A very dangerous man.
255
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,420
Hello.
256
00:12:04,150 --> 00:12:05,890
Hello.
257
00:12:05,950 --> 00:12:08,820
I wanna know about
Cindy Wong, okay?
258
00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:11,260
Look at you, asking questions.
259
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:13,430
Boy, you the man now, ain't you?
260
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:16,700
'Come a long way, haven't you?'
261
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,630
Well...
262
00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:20,670
I always have been the man.
You just never knew.
263
00:12:20,730 --> 00:12:22,770
(Mike)
'Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You've always been the man.'
264
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:23,840
Yeah.
265
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:25,410
(male #1)
'Were you the man in the hood?'
266
00:12:25,470 --> 00:12:27,740
'Back in the old days. Huh?'
267
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:31,450
'Those broken
and desperate streets.'
268
00:12:31,510 --> 00:12:34,080
Where you were hangin' with your
homies, drinkin' bumpers
269
00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:37,150
smokin' blunts, playin'
stickball on streets
270
00:12:37,220 --> 00:12:39,650
with cars with no hubcaps?
271
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,990
Just so you can bust and
survive, you little bitch
272
00:12:42,060 --> 00:12:43,660
just to scrape together
a little cheddar
273
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,160
so you could bring
a hambone to your mama?
274
00:12:48,130 --> 00:12:51,730
Actually, I grew up
in a, a real lame suburb
275
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,530
of Minnesota called Mound.
276
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,240
Pretty privileged, actually.
277
00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:57,400
(male #1)
'Oh.'
278
00:12:58,640 --> 00:12:59,940
- Really?
- 'Yeah.'
279
00:13:00,010 --> 00:13:01,810
(male #1)
'Oh.'
280
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,180
Cindy Wong.
281
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,250
Oh, yeah. I, uh, I buried her
under the stairs.
282
00:13:06,310 --> 00:13:08,420
(Jones)
'Cool. Alright. Thanks, man.'
283
00:13:13,450 --> 00:13:14,720
We see him already.
284
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:17,360
Yeah, we see ya.
285
00:13:17,420 --> 00:13:18,930
- 'Come on!'
- Okay.
286
00:13:18,990 --> 00:13:20,530
(Wiegel)
'Cool your cookies, sir.
What's going on?'
287
00:13:20,590 --> 00:13:22,000
- What's the matter?
- Well, come on, man.
288
00:13:22,060 --> 00:13:24,500
Someone stole all my
assault rifles.
289
00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,000
All my guns.
290
00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:27,870
I had this 'Double Uzi.'
291
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,270
You guys ever seen 'ZZ Top,'
that double guitar?
292
00:13:30,340 --> 00:13:32,510
I had a 'Double Uzi.'
It was sweet.
293
00:13:32,570 --> 00:13:35,380
I had a Bazooka...
Uh, sentimental value.
294
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,880
My grandpa gave it to me.
295
00:13:36,940 --> 00:13:38,250
Now, let's start here.
296
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:40,480
Um, if we had the, um
297
00:13:40,550 --> 00:13:42,550
the permits for all these rifles
298
00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:45,120
and sawed-off shotguns,
we might be able to find--
299
00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:46,990
I make my own permits.
300
00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:51,160
Sometimes you gotta shoot
someone before the ten days...
301
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:53,060
(Clementine)
'Have you, have you had to
do that recently?'
302
00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:54,560
- Have you had to shoot someone?
- Hell, yeah!
303
00:13:54,630 --> 00:13:57,360
People comin' around here.
I got a drop tonight.
304
00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:59,870
I got this, uh,
Afghani hash comin' in.
305
00:13:59,930 --> 00:14:01,870
And these, these old boys
are gonna come around
306
00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:03,170
try to get my stuff
307
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:06,170
and I'm gonna need
at least, at least an Uzi.
308
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,940
You know that drugs
are illegal, right?
309
00:14:09,010 --> 00:14:10,180
No, no, no. It depends.
310
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,180
People need drugs
for all different reasons.
311
00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:14,150
Oh, so you have medical hashish.
312
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:16,980
Medical hashish,
medical cocaine, medical acid.
313
00:14:17,050 --> 00:14:18,520
I got it all, man.
314
00:14:18,590 --> 00:14:20,520
(male #2)
'Where are you guys takin' me?'
315
00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:22,090
We're gonna take you
to find your sawed-off shotguns.
316
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,330
(Clementine)
We're gonna find some guns
and some drugs.
317
00:14:24,390 --> 00:14:25,330
(male #2)
'Now we're talkin'.'
318
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:46,550
Find us one?
319
00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:51,690
Alarm.
320
00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:56,690
No. It's good. Go.
321
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,230
- Ha!
- Looks clear.
322
00:14:58,290 --> 00:15:00,930
Ha! Hot! Hot! Hot!
Oh, my gosh! It's hot! Hot!
323
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,330
Hot. Alright. Okay.
324
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,070
Uh! What do you do?
You got to get...
325
00:15:06,130 --> 00:15:07,470
(Travis)
You snap off
the steering column.
326
00:15:07,530 --> 00:15:09,100
- Uh, okay.
- Two wires.
327
00:15:09,170 --> 00:15:10,240
- Yeah.
- Yellow, red.
328
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,470
- Okay.
- Connect 'em up at the top.
329
00:15:12,540 --> 00:15:15,110
Okay. Ah.
I can get in there now.
330
00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:17,650
What if they're...
What if they're blue and black?
331
00:15:17,710 --> 00:15:19,450
No, that's wrong.
They got to be yellow and red.
332
00:15:19,510 --> 00:15:21,650
- But they're blue and black.
- I might be thinking of stereo.
333
00:15:22,580 --> 00:15:24,150
- Audio.
- That's right and left.
334
00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:27,290
- No, it's audio and...
- Oh, that's RCA.
335
00:15:27,350 --> 00:15:28,920
The yellow one's video.
336
00:15:28,990 --> 00:15:30,590
Oh, [bleep].
337
00:15:30,660 --> 00:15:33,530
- Uh, Jim...
- What are you doin' in my car?
338
00:15:33,590 --> 00:15:35,060
Oh. Hi.
339
00:15:35,130 --> 00:15:36,800
Oh, God. Why are you naked?
340
00:15:36,860 --> 00:15:39,600
I am so sick of things like this
happenin' to me!
341
00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:41,440
Whoa! [bleep]. Ho, ho, ho, Ho!
342
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:45,470
I'm sick of things like this
happenin' to me!
343
00:15:58,390 --> 00:16:00,450
who killed that other lady
for her baby?
344
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:02,060
Sure I did, Mary.
345
00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:04,560
Happened right...
346
00:16:06,130 --> 00:16:08,400
...in her own home.
347
00:16:08,460 --> 00:16:11,330
Which means today,
more than ever
348
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,900
it's time for the Police Tek
2000 Body Guard
349
00:16:14,970 --> 00:16:17,570
with a flick of the wrist...
350
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:21,640
...you unleash the power
351
00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:24,280
of a professional
police nightstick
352
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:27,680
made from heavy-duty
al-ali-aluminum.
353
00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:30,020
But I've never used
a nightstick.
354
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:34,620
That's why it comes with
this instructional DVD.
355
00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:37,560
In just 40 minutes,
you'll learn
356
00:16:37,620 --> 00:16:42,260
all of the nightstick methods
used by real police officers.
357
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:43,700
(male narrator)
You'll learn patented moves
358
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,900
like the knee drop,
the non-lethal hand and wrist
359
00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:48,540
the close quarters groin,
the close quarters face and eye
360
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,140
the non-lethal choke down,
the lethal choke down
361
00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:56,040
riot control, backhand face
and groin, and L.A. Style.
362
00:16:56,110 --> 00:16:59,710
Whoo. Sounds like I can
finally start jogging again.
363
00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:03,520
Or go to the park
in a skirt or swimwear.
364
00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:05,150
And just remember
365
00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:08,820
to bring your big,
black bodyguard.
366
00:17:08,890 --> 00:17:12,690
(all)
Your Police Tek 2000 Body Guard.
367
00:17:15,830 --> 00:17:18,500
Te habla espanol, tambien?
368
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:19,800
- No, sir.
- Well...
369
00:17:19,870 --> 00:17:20,930
You better aprende
370
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,100
some Espanol, 'cause we got
371
00:17:22,170 --> 00:17:23,770
a lot of them
spicks around here.
372
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,170
You know what I have to learn
how to say...
373
00:17:27,810 --> 00:17:29,240
...in Espanol?
374
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:32,880
I have to learn how to say that,
right?
375
00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:34,650
Freeze!
376
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,050
Freeze! How do you say "Freeze"
in Espanol?
377
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:38,790
I know that "Ice" is hielo.
378
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,950
So maybe you can go
379
00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:43,460
...uh, "Por favor..."
380
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,790
Say "Hazte hielo."
"Make yourself ice."
381
00:17:47,630 --> 00:17:50,330
That's a good one.
"Se hazte hielo."
382
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,630
Say "hazte hielo."
383
00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:53,470
Sounds like
"Your ass is yellow."
384
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,070
Which is also meanin'...
385
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,770
- "You're a coward."
- "You're a coward."
386
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,070
- So it has double meanin'.
- Yeah.
387
00:17:59,140 --> 00:18:03,180
Por favor,
say ass a-yellow.
388
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,480
- Make yourself like ice.
- "Make yourself like ice."
389
00:18:06,550 --> 00:18:09,080
Por favor, se hazte hielo.
390
00:18:09,150 --> 00:18:12,390
Go ahead. Yell it out.
See what he says.
391
00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:14,860
If I'd rolled down the window,
he would've listened to me.
392
00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:26,970
And now...Deputy and Lady.
393
00:18:27,030 --> 00:18:28,440
Good morning, boys and girls.
394
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:30,340
We're very glad to be here.
395
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,340
'Isn't this exciting, Lady?'
396
00:18:32,410 --> 00:18:34,310
I guess so.
397
00:18:34,370 --> 00:18:36,140
You don't sound very happy.
398
00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:38,110
What's wrong?
399
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:41,920
I'm not feeling very good
about myself.
400
00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:44,720
But why? You're so pretty.
401
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,950
'I know, but I'm also a dummy.'
402
00:18:47,020 --> 00:18:49,360
And it turns out
I'm stupid, too.
403
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:51,860
What do you mean?
404
00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:54,330
I didn't graduate
from high school.
405
00:18:54,390 --> 00:18:55,900
Lady, no.
406
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,260
It's true.
407
00:18:57,330 --> 00:18:59,230
I spent my senior year
408
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:02,270
makin' out with my boyfriend
in his hearse all night.
409
00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:06,540
Then I'd sleep all day and watch
soap operas all afternoon.
410
00:19:06,610 --> 00:19:09,580
Now I can't get a job
frying French fries
411
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,250
'cause I don't have
a high school diploma.
412
00:19:12,310 --> 00:19:14,310
And the only job I can get
413
00:19:14,380 --> 00:19:18,650
involves having yahoos like
you with your hand up my skirt.
414
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:22,160
(Jones)
'So what advice would you have
for the kids today?'
415
00:19:22,220 --> 00:19:25,260
Don't drop out.
416
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,860
Drop in.
417
00:19:27,930 --> 00:19:29,430
Truancy
418
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:33,030
is for dummies.
419
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,110
- You're sitting on my [bleep].
- Oh.
420
00:19:40,170 --> 00:19:41,210
- Is that what that is?
- Yeah.
421
00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:52,490
- Nice day, though.
- Oh, it's pretty nice.
422
00:19:53,690 --> 00:19:55,320
- Oh, the force.
- Hey, hey, hey.
423
00:19:55,390 --> 00:19:57,320
Check it out.
Clothes.
424
00:19:57,390 --> 00:19:58,660
(Travis)
'Oh.'
425
00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:10,800
(Dangle)
Uh...hi.
426
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:13,970
Hello.
427
00:20:22,550 --> 00:20:25,150
(Rainessha)
'Look at this. Look at,
look at the butt cellulite.'
428
00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:27,650
- Look at that.
- 'She's 150.'
429
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,760
She shouldn't be
wearing a bathing suit.
430
00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:31,790
Excuse me.
431
00:20:31,860 --> 00:20:33,660
(Trudy)
'Wait a second. Wait a second.'
432
00:20:36,230 --> 00:20:39,070
- Sasquatch.
- I really appreciate it.
433
00:20:39,130 --> 00:20:40,270
- Here's your helmet.
- 'Thank you.'
434
00:20:40,330 --> 00:20:41,470
- Well, thanks for the loaner.
- Yeah, yeah.
435
00:20:42,270 --> 00:20:44,200
Sasquatch. Thanks, bro.
436
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,080
Ladies.
437
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,350
(Jim)
'Hi.'
438
00:21:03,590 --> 00:21:04,660
Here we go.
439
00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:06,660
In you go. In you go.
440
00:21:07,390 --> 00:21:08,560
Oh, little memoir...
441
00:21:14,270 --> 00:21:15,840
Hey, sir.
442
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,640
You know what happened?
I must've hit you back there.
443
00:21:17,700 --> 00:21:19,640
(Travis)
'Why do I taste gold bonds?'
444
00:21:19,710 --> 00:21:21,840
Yeah, sometimes, they say
when you get a concussion
445
00:21:21,910 --> 00:21:23,410
you taste
or smell something strange.
446
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,610
- 'Gold bonds powder?'
- Yeah.
447
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,680
- Gold bonded medicated powder.
- 'Yeah.'
448
00:21:26,750 --> 00:21:27,880
- Yeah.
- 'I think, uh...'
449
00:21:27,950 --> 00:21:29,150
Well, I'm going
to pull over to...
450
00:21:29,220 --> 00:21:30,220
- 'Real nice to meet you.'
- Good seeing you.
30932
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