Original subtitles

Nanu, nanu.

( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )

( HAPPY THEME PLAYING )

( BIRDS CHIRPING )

Yes, Frank,

I know you're the editor of the school newspaper,

but I can't write this article.

Because I think it's stupid.

"Feminism: Myth or Myth-ith"?

Okay, we will talk about it tomorrow.

All right. Bye.

Hi.

It was a simple misunderstanding.

What?

They told me not to talk about it, but…

You know, I have one thing to say, right here and now:

That goat was already dead.

I don't want to hear about this.

Smart girl. It'll blow over in a year or two.

( KNOCK ON DOOR )

If anybody up there is listening,

please save me from this insanity.

Hi, there, curly lips.

No one was listening.

Exidor.

Mork.

Is that you?

Who wants to know?

Mrs. Exidor's future husband.

I don't believe this.

Mork. I'm glad you dropped by.

Exidor, why don't you sit down

and take a load off your dock waders?

All that rubber must get irritating sometimes.

What's this I hear about a Mrs. Exidor?

- Oh, Mork, I'm so excited. - I just…

Pepe, you sit under me one more time,

and you've sucked your last margarita.

Now, then, where was I?

Ah, yes.

Her name is… Ambrosia Malspar.

Of the Hogsbreath Gulch Malspars.

Oh, I've heard of them. I thought they were all caught.

From the moment we met, I heard bells.

Oh, she's a prizefighter, eh?

A romantic, you're not.

I dropped by so I could invite you two

to dinner tonight so you can meet Ambrosia.

Are you free?

Uh, I don't think that we could…

Oh, of course we are.

( WHISPERS ) Mork, I don't care to meet an invisible fiancée.

Mindy, how long could it take?

Where should we meet?

Here. Say, about 8?

You're picking us up?

No, no, no. We'll eat here.

Ooh, that's real convenient, Min.

We don't have to make reservations.

You expect me… I'm supposed to…

Oh, please, don't worry about feeding Pepe.

Tonight's his jai alai tournament. Ha, ha, ha.

( DOOR CLOSES )

Mind, I'm real proud of you.

I know sometimes you think that Exidor is a twit,

but yet you overcame your hang-ups,

and you invited he and his fiancée over here for dinner.

You're a credit to shiksadom.

Mork… Min?

Stuff it.

I'm sensing a lot of hostility, Min.

What's bothering and tickling your little innards? What's up?

Okay… you, Exidor, and Ambrosia.

Ooh, good, I'm glad you got that off your chest. Now,

did you make that clam dip?

I'm not finished yet.

Está más?

Mas, mas more.

I resent Exidor inviting himself for dinner,

almost as much as I resent having to cook dinner

for an invisible fiancée.

I mean, we're into the foothills of kinky here.

Have you ever considered that Exidor's fiancée

might be a real flesh-and-blood woman?

No.

Me neither.

Come on, Mind, I mean, Exidor means well.

If this will make him happy, let him have his moment.

I mean, people in robes have so few.

( KNOCK ON DOOR )

The lovebirds are here right now.

We'll be right with you, loverisms.

Mind, I want you to be nice to Exidor,

and try not to stare at Ambrosia.

Mindy, it's Exidor.

And guess who's with him.

You must be Ambrosia.

You're… you're everything I imagined.

I like your dress.

Who are you talking to?

I'm talking to the lovely Ambrosia.

But there's nobody there.

I think the little lady

has been smoking her braids again.

I mean, you don't see anybody here, do you?

Not me.

Thanks a lot.

Now he thinks I'm the one that's crazy?

Oh, I didn't say that.

I just said your oil wasn't touching the dipstick.

Did you or did you not state that you were bringing

your fiancée here to dinner tonight?

Methinks I hear

her dainty step upon the stair.

♪ And this is my beloved ♪

All right, that's it. The party is over.

Gee, I'm sorry I missed it.

Mork, Mindy…

I would like you to meet Ambrosia Malspar.

( LOUDLY ) She's over here, Min.

I see her.

May I sit down?

Oh.

Yeah, sure. Come on in. I'm sorry.

It's about time.

Be gentle with her.

She could use a little… Hamburger Helper.

- Don't worry. - Your kind of problem

doesn't carry the stigma it used to.

Stigma?

So, Mork, you're Exidor's best friend.

Tell me about yourself.

Well, I guess you can kind of call me

a son of a black hole. Heh.

I'm, well, you know,

my mom was a Petri dish,

my dad was an eyedropper. Heh.

Kind of a cosmic clone.

Just to double-check…

Mindy's the one with the problems?

So, how did you two lovebirds meet?

She chalked me.

Excuse me?

Oh, this must be something of the new sexual revolution.

Oh, no, I don't think so.

You see, I'm a meter maid,

and I was just minding my own business,

just riding on my motor scooter,

chalking tires, and Exy was lying on his back

in the street fixing his burro.

I bet the hard part was jacking him up, right?

And I accidentally chalked his boots.

Oh, um, why don't we all have some, uh,

cheese hors d'oeuvres before dinner?

Tell you what. I'll take the d'oeuvres.

Ar, ar.

You two take your time.

Amby and I will just sit here

and make little fishy faces at one another.

I just can't get over it.

I mean, she's real, and she seems perfectly normal.

Unless she's a hologram.

Look at her. She… she's nice,

she's charming, and she's sane.

I mean, she's nothing like Exidor.

I'll bet she's gonna be good for him.

Look, even tonight, he's acting relatively normal.

( SHOUTING ) Stop that pounding. We're not deaf.

Hold that thought.

I'll get it.

Stop that pounding. I'm coming.

What are you doing here?

Who is it, sweetheart?

It's Pepe.

It's Pepe?

Looks like Pepe to me.

No, it can't be Pepe. Pepe's playing jai alai tonight.

What am I saying?

Exidor, it can't be Pepe.

Mork, Mindy, I know you're trying to protect Exidor,

but it's as plain as the nose on your face

what's going on,

especially when Pepe's standing right there.

BOTH: He is?

Exidor, you promised me Pepe wouldn't be here tonight.

But, guppy lips…

Why can't we ever be alone?

Why does he always have to tag along?

You said you wanted to light my fire,

but three on a match is too much.

But, flamingo toes.

Pepe, you stay right here.

Don't you dare follow us.

I don't want to talk about it.

I'm going to bed…

for a week.

( COMEDIC THEME PLAYING )

( MOUTHING WORDS )

( KNOCK ON DOOR )

Who is it?

Oh, he's in muscatel heaven.

Thanks for the ride, boys.

Come on in, Exidor.

Why don't you sit down?

What's wrong?

I'll tell you what's wrong.

Ambrosia dumped me.

She said she wouldn't marry me

if I was the last prophet on earth,

which I am.

Well, I'm sorry to hear about that.

One day you'll meet a girl right for you in every way.

Do you really think so?

No, but at least you had hope for a moment.

Thanks, Mork.

I just dropped by to say adios.

I'm shuffling off this mortal coil,

and I want you to have

all my worldly possessions.

Here.

Oh, thank you. That's won…

It's empty.

Of course.

That suitcase is all my worldly possessions.

Except for a large rock,

and I'm saving that for transportation.

You're saving a rock for transportation?

Yes. I'm going to tie it to my leg

when I go on vacation. In Atlantis.

Oh, come on now, Exidor. You're not going anywhere.

You're gonna spend the night here. And I guarantee,

tomorrow morning, things will look a lot better.

But what if they don't?

Well, you'll have to stay here until they do,

that may take forever, that's all right.

Mork. Min.

It's settled. Here we go, Exidor.

Time to hit the sack. A little mondo do-do. Here we go.

Oh, this is very kind of you both.

You won't even know I'm here.

Good night.

Good night.

( HOWLING )

Mork, he's baying.

Of course, Min, it's a full moon.

( HOWLS )

( DRAMATIC THEME PLAYING )

( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )

So, then what happens,

the alpha says to the beta,

"The muzzle, take it off. I wanna kiss her."

The alpha said, "why, are we nailed to a chicken?"

( LAUGHS )

Ar, ar, ar.

That's wildly hysterical, Mork,

but I'm empty.

My life is over.

I'm going out and kiss my burro goodbye.

Oh, no, you can't do that.

Where is the old Exidor spirit?

Locked up in Ambrosia's cold, cold heart.

Will you kindly take your boots off my sofa?

Whoa, whoa, Mind. He's got squatter's rights.

You gotta show some compassion, this man's on the ragged edge.

If you two don't mind,

I think I'll take a little hike upstairs

to Mork's lake.

The leaves are changing, you know?

They just drop off,

shrivel up,

and die.

It's hard to keep from laughing.

That is it, Mork. He's gotta go

or I'm gonna end up as looney tunes as he is.

Come on, Mind, you gotta help him.

You can't discard him like an old Carter cabinet member.

You're right, I can't.

But I can try to get Ambrosia to take him back.

( MELODRAMATIC THEME PLAYING )

( BIRDS CHIRPING )

Oh, come on, Ambrosia, why don't you tell me

why you really broke up with Exidor.

I'd rather not discuss it, Mindy.

Well, you shouldn't just let him go.

Exidor is a very…

unique person.

I mean, when they dropped Exidor,

they broke the mold.

They sure did.

He's kind, considerate,

a snappy dresser.

And let's not forget that swell sense of humor.

Well, then, why did you break up with him?

Well…

It's that friend of his, Pepe.

He won't leave us alone.

We go to the swap meet, there's Pepe.

We go skateboarding, there's Pepe.

Tailgating.

Sometimes I wish he'd just disappear.

Um…

What… what exactly does Pepe look like?

I don't know. You'd have to ask Exidor.

Then, you know that Pepe doesn't exist?

Well, I wouldn't say that.

A lot of people believe in men from outer space.

I've never seen one,

but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

Good point.

Exidor sees Pepe,

and he's never lied to me yet.

Besides, you have to believe in the man you love.

You know, you're a very special person, Ambrosia.

No, I'm not,

because I haven't been totally honest

with you or Exidor.

Pepe isn't the real problem.

He's not?

No. I'm old-fashioned.

Before a couple gets married,

I believe the man should ask the woman

to marry him.

Well, what if Exidor did propose to you?

Would you marry him then?

No.

Why not?

Mindy… he's never told me he loves me.

( TENDER THEME PLAYING )

What are you doing?

Isn't it obvious? I'm drowning in your lake.

Now get out of here and let me sink in peace.

But I've got great news. Ambrosia wants you back.

Ambrosia wants me back? Save me.

Save me.

Wait. Wait.

You can't. You'll drown.

What do I do?

Quick, grab my dinghy.

All right.

Just tread rug. I'll be right there.

Here. A life preserver. Hold onto that.

( IMITATING MOTOR )

Hurry. Hurry.

A grouper's got me by the leg.

Oh, yes.

( GRUNTS ) Whoa.

Plucked from a watery grave.

Tell me, when can I see my fox?

Well, she's coming tonight,

you have to do is one thing, and she'll take you back.

Anything. Name it.

All you have to do is say.

"I love you. Will you marry me?"

That's it, back to catfish country.

No, no, wait, wait.

I thought you loved Ambrosia.

I do.

Then why can't you tell her?

Mork, this may come as a bit of a surprise,

but I am just a little…

eccentric.

No.

You see, Mork,

I just can't get myself

to say that phrase.

In the orphanage where I was raised,

nobody ever said it to me.

You've got to. It's for your own happiness.

But you don't understand. It's a psychological problem.

Everyone's allowed one little hang-up.

( DOORBELL RINGS )

There she is.

I can't say it.

If you don't, you're gonna lose her.

Now, remember: "I love you."

That's really nice,

but what are we gonna do about Ambrosia?

( DOORBELL RINGS )

Hi, Ambrosia. Hi, Mindy.

EXIDOR: Let me go. I can't.

No, don't grab me there.

Is Exidor here?

Um, I don't know. I'll check.

Mork. We have company.

MORK: Mind. Be right down. Get down there.

( CRASHING )

I think that they're probably freshening up a bit.

Exy won't go anywhere unless he's just so.

EXIDOR: No, I won't go.

Oh. Hi, there, dimple hips.

Hi, Exy.

Does Exidor have something he wants to say to Ambrosia?

Do you have something you want to say to Ambrosia?

Can't think of anything.

Think again.

You can do it.

I…have… something…

I want to say.

I…

I…

It's impossible, I can't.

My life is over.

Oh, I got a good idea. Let's play charades.

Charades?

Well, you see, Exidor has trouble communicating

with h-e-r.

I love to play charades.

- Exidor, you be the giver. - You be the receiver.

Exidor, go. Hit it. Uh…

Uh…

First word. First word.

BOTH: Eye.

I got it.

"I love you, and will you marry me?"

I thought she'd never get it.

The answer is,

"I love you too, and you bet."

Oh, I can't believe it. She loves me.

Exy, will you walk me home, alone?

Just a moment.

Pepe.

Them wedding bells have broken up

that old gang of ours.

Hasta luego, amigo.

Thank you, sweetheart. You're too good to me.

I'd do anything for you

because… I love you,

and I want to marry you.

( UPBEAT WEDDING THEME PLAYING )

Twice in one night.

And there's a lot more where that came from.

Well, it took the both of us,

but we pulled it off.

Hey, how about going to the deli with me?

I'll buy you a soda.

I still feel kind of strange about one thing.

What?

Well, I feel kind of sorry for Pepe.

I mean, where's he gonna get work

with an invisible green card?

( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )

( MAGICAL THEME PLAYING )

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, great super scooper in the sky.

ORSON: Your report, Mork.

Oh, sir, I am so excited.

My best friend is getting married next week.

How long do marriages on earth last?

Oh, until death do they part or a quick trip to Reno,

whichever comes first.

But I think Exidor's marriage is gonna last forever.

Exidor? Isn't he the one you told me was strange,

even by earth standards?

Ah, sir, with love, there are no standards.

You see, no matter how strange or bizarre you are

there's always a certain someone who'll love you for it.

Love gives everyone a chance to be happy.

Chance? You make it sound like a lottery.

Well, sir, in a way, love is a lottery.

And the only losers are the ones who won't gamble.

Exidor's marriage promises to be

one of the most unusual in the history of mankind.

Don't be late, and don't come empty-handed.

Nanu, nanu.

( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )

( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )