All language subtitles for Mork and Mindy.S04E03.The Honeymoon.DVDrip.c00t.en

MORK:
Na-no, na-no.

This has been a day to remember.

Mindy was such a beautiful bride.

But, Cora,
they're honeymooning on Ork.

Why can't they go to the Poconos?

Well, I think it's exciting
to go to another planet.

And I'd rather have
a frontal lobotomy.

Well, go for it.

- Hello.
- Hey.

Hi.

It's almost time to blast off.

Oh, Mindy, honey,
won't you reconsider?

I mean, we're talking
about space travel here.

Going off to some strange planet.

Oh, Dad, it's where Mork grew up.
He just wants to share it with me.

Yeah, well, couldn't you just thumb
through his yearbook?

Dad, I'm a journalist.
This is the opportunity of a lifetime.

To boldly go where no man has gone.
I mean, I'm thrilled.

I mean, I'm exhilarated.

I'm scared to death.

[HUMMING "STAR TREK"
THEME SONG]

Boy, that's a catchy tune. I just wish
I could remember the words.

Are those special glasses to shield
our eyes from the ultraviolet rays?

No, no, Mind. I just bought them
because they're gnarly.

Yeah, that's great, Mork.
Are you crazy?

You can't let this man pilot you
millions of miles through space.

He doesn't even have
a driver's license.

Oh, come on now, Pops,
come on now.

I've been to the four corners
of the universe,

I've charted 16 solar systems,
and I can refold a road map correctly.

Well, there's another thing, Mork.
Mindy doesn't travel all that well.

- She got sick in her baby carriage.
- Aw.

Oh, that little "neener pooter."

Don't worry about her.
We're gonna be traveling first class.

[SHIP BEEPING]

It's here, Mindy.

Oh, boy. Boy, we're gonna go in style!
We're gonna go…

Oh, shazbot.
They sent the compact model.

Oh, well, we'll just have to make do.

Now, now, now, just a minute, Mork.

The words "deep space"
and "make do" don't go together.

Oh, mon papa, ma familia,
don't you worry about a thing.

I have prepared for everything
that can be planned.

I've packed plenty
of Dramamine and Tang.

Has anyone seen
my Dramamine and Tang?

Uh, I packed it.

My wife. I think I'll keep her.

I packed a lunch for you.

And there's a piece
of your wedding cake in there too.

Oh, thanks, Grandma.

And we'll both bring you back
something from Ork.

Where are you going to stay
up there?

We're going first class.
We're staying at the Hotel

[SPEAKS IN ORKAN]

And Spa.

- You have reservations?
- No, it seems like a nice place.

Well, just remember, Mork.

That's pretty valuable cargo there.

Oh, you're right.
I really am proud of this suitcase.

He meant me.

Oh. Don't you worry.
Your little girl is in very good hands.

Don't touch that!
You'll kill us all!

MORK: Good evening and welcome
to Air Ork's intergalactic traveler,

the Huevos Grande.

Now that we're in flight, be aware
of the total lack of safety measures.

First of all, we have no exits,
either front, back or side.

In case of emergency, a brown
paper bag will fall from the ceiling,

- which means absolutely nothing.
- Heh.

On this flight,
our in-flight movie will be

The High and the Mighty
and Fate is a Lonely Hunter.

[MIMICKING
SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

[IN ENGLISH]
- Airport '7ç.

MINDY:
Okay. My turn.

I spy with my little eye

something starting with the letter J.

I spy the planet Jupiter. Ha, ha.

- Very good.
- That's hard to miss. It's so huge.

Okay, I spy with my little eye

something beginning
with the letter K.

K.

I see a meteor coming right at us.

- You're supposed to say, "I spy," not…
- No!

Besides, meteor begins with M…
Yeah, it's a…

Meteor!

[SIGHS]

Mind, Mind, wake up.
Look on the scanner. We're here.

- Oh, Mork. Ork is beautiful.
- Well, yeah.

MINDY: Just think, me, Mindy
McConnell, the first woman in space.

Well, you're not the first one.

There was a Russian lady, but you're
the first one that shaves her legs.

Aren't we going awfully fast?

Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Mind, isn't it a kick?

Oh, there's the city now.
I better slow down.

Pity.

Welcoming you to Squelm in the Elm
Memorial Airport.

There will be a brief delay
due to the controllers' strike.

Don't stand up until we're
completely docked at the gate.

And observe
the "No Screaming" signs.

- Oh, Mork, Ork is just amazing.
- I know, Mind.

Look at this hotel.
Everything is just so futuristic.

This is one of the old
downtown hotels, Mind.

You should see the ones on the Strip.
Boy, Kenahara.

What are we gonna do first?
I just wanna do everything.

We'll go see my old neighborhood,

if you don't mind digging
with your hands.

What? Ha, ha.

Oh. Na-no. Ha, ha.

Oh. Oh.

MORK:
Na-no.

[WOMEN SPEAKING ORKAN]

What's…? What's that all about?

Oh, that's our version
of the National Enquirer, Mind.

Here you'll be a celebrity, because
they've never seen an Earthling before.

There's gonna be
a little giggling and gawking.

Like an Alexander Haig
press conference.

Na-no.

I suddenly feel very tired
and very out of place.

- Let's go to our room.
- All right.

[SPEAKS IN ORKAN]

[ALL LAUGHING]

- What did you say?
- I said you weren't that contagious.

And also I said
you were housebroken too.

MAN:
May I help you?

Uh, yes. We have reservations
under the name of Mork.

Mind, why are you talking to him?

He asked about our reservations.

Mind, that's a penguin. They don't talk.
They hardly ever take reservations.

Yes, Mork.

And this must be your wife,
the Earthling.

Well, it takes all kinds.

Orlando, this is taken care of
through, uh, Orson's office.

We'd like the special room
overlooking the ice machine.

The room won't be ready
for 30 micro-bleems. Na-no, na-no.

Doesn't he look amazingly
like Elton John, Mind?

Mork, Orson carries a lot of weight
around here.

Couldn't we get him
to lean on the snippy little guy?

Listen, I'm your husband.
I don't need Orson's weight.

I have a lot of clout around here.

I used to be the dinner diver
in the lobster tank.

If that penguin gives you any trouble,
wait right here.

Okay, I'll just browse.

Hello.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Why do I feel like the Elephant Man?

Excuse me.

On Earth we don't poke people
we don't date.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Okay, that's enough.
No more poking.

Mork.

[POLICEMAN
SPEAKING IN ORKAN]

Oh, no, officers,
they didn't mean any harm.

I'm sure they've just never…
Wait a minute! Mork!

Wait. I'm an American.
Help! Mork!

Help!

[SPEAKING IN ORKAN]

Mind?
Mind, I've arranged for the room, hon.

Peekaboo.

Hope she didn't go in the pool.
It hasn't eaten yet today.

MORK:
Hello, police?

My wife is missing.
She's an Earthling.

Yeah, she'll be the only one
who knows who Claude Akins is.

Oh, never mind.

Thank you anyway.

Mind.

Mind.

- Oh, Mork.
- Oh, Mind. Hope you're all right.

Oh, Mork, I was dragged out of here
by the space cadets.

And taken someplace
for this physical examination.

Oh, they paraded me around

and asked me questions
I didn't understand and gave me this.

I guess it's some sort of a visa
or something.

That wasn't a customs office.
That was a pet show.

What?

You didn't do too badly.
You took fourth place.

A pet show?
Oh, I'm so humiliated.

Oh, Mind, I know. You should have
at least won in the obedience class.

Oh, Mind, I don't know what to…

[SPEAKING IN ORKAN]

Thank you.
Oh, Mind, I'm really sorry about that.

I'm sorry. I wanted to make
the honeymoon very, very special.

Oh, Mork, no, it's not your fault.
It's just been such a long trip. And…

And our rooms weren't ready.

In fourth place.

Mind! Mind.

[SPEAKS IN ORKAN]

I went to school with his father.

I just need some rest.
Let's go to our room.

I admit I love your attitude.
You're hanging in there with me.

No wonder they call you
the better half.

Now the room's all set to go and let's
go upstairs and we'll play newlyweds,

you know, count our savings bonds.

This is an intergalactic class hotel.

They modify each room to satisfy
the needs of the specific alien.

It's gonna be like
any Ramada Inn on Earth,

right down to the little paper sash
on the commode.

Mork, it's customary
to be carried over the threshold.

MORK: Oh, all right, Mind,
but I'm a little heavy.

Me, not you.

Thanks, Mork, that was real romantic.

Well, Mind, this is just like
any room on Earth.

I mean, lots of rooms I've seen
on Earth with floor paper and wall rugs.

- Ceiling chairs.
- Mork.

All right, Mind, they screwed it up!
I'm sorry!

It looks like it was decorated
by Fools-R-Us.

Oh, Mind,
how could they do this to me?

Oh! Too much coffee, Tom?

- Mork, it's all right.
- Oh, it is?

No, but you're distraught.
We'll talk about it later.

Oh, Mind, Mind. I just wanted
our honeymoon to be very, very special.

Oh, I know.

Look, the important thing is that we're
together, and it is our honeymoon.

Aw. In the dictionary it says,
"Compassionate, see you."

[MINDY LAUGHS]

- I love you, Mork.
- I love you, Mind.

[MINDY CHUCKLES,
THEN DOORBELL RINGS]

- Dong-ding?
- Dong-ding?

They can even screw up a doorbell.

Oh, maybe it's the bellhops
with our luggage.

- Do you tip bellhops here on Ork?
- No. They're robots.

If you tip them,
they can't get back on their feet.

- Surprise!
- Surprise!

Oh, gosh, Mind!
It's the Peevee clones, Six and Seven.

- It's nice to meet you.
- You must be Mindy, his wife.

Whatever that is.

[LAUGHING]

SEVEN: We heard you were back.
We could hardly wait to get up here.

Six thought it'd be funny
if we brought in your luggage.

Yeah, we had to tip the robot.
He's still out there.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's out there.
His little feet just flailing away.

Mind, the clones and I,
we go way back. Remember?

Rick 'em, rack 'em, ruck 'em,
ruck 'em, get that ball and really fight!

[LAUGHING]

We used to sneak into the school
bathroom and tell, like, jokes, and I…

Well, you know, I got caught
for being funny,

and that's why I was sent to Earth.

[LAUGHING]

Wait till you hear our latest Orson joke.

This is really gonna shorten
your circuits.

Okay, now, watch those sides.
Here goes.

Orson is a big…

- Fatso!
- Fatso!

[LAUGHING]

I can see why you were
the only one caught.

We might as well
make ourselves at home.

Might as well. We've got a lot
of catching up for Mork to do.

Hey, Mork, your human friend
is really going to appreciate this one.

How many Earthlings does it take
to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know.

How many Earthlings does it take
to screw in a light bulb?

- One.
- One.

[LAUGHING]

They're gone, Mind.

Mork, I've had colds that didn't hang on
as long as the Peevee clones.

I thought they'd take the hint
when we put on our nightgowns.

I thought they'd take the hint
when we told them to get out.

Especially after they referred to me
as "your creature."

Well…

I guess we're alone now.

I guess so.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Just the two of us, huh?

Yep. Looks that way.

- On our honeymoon night.
- Yep.

MORK:
Sure is dark.

MINDY:
Sure is.

MORK:
Well, it's our wedding night.

I'd better not put this off
any longer, huh?

MINDY:
Guess not.

[MORK SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

[SINGING]
Bette Davis eyes

MORK [IN NORMAL VOICE]:
Night, Mind.

What was that?

MORK: That's the ancient Orkan
honeymoon ritual. Good night, Mind.

The honeymoon ritual
is a little different on Earth.

MORK: What's different, Mind?
No mask?

Hardly.

My father gave me this marriage
manual to give to you.

I told him he was crazy.

That's one for Dad.

- Read this.
MORK: Now?

Please.

MORK:
Cute pictures.

Just read, Mork.

MORK:
Uh-huh.

Mm-hm.

Whoa. Heh.

Okay, all done.

Is there anything
you don't understand?

MORK:
No, clear as a bell, Mind. L…

I'm just gonna step
in the bathroom for just a minute.

Mork.

Mork, are you all right?

- Did that book upset you?
MORK: No! Not at all. Really, Mind.

I'm just gonna sleep on the bathroom
floor tonight and maybe forever.

That's ridiculous. You're not
gonna sleep in the bathroom.

Now, come out here.
I wanna talk to you.

MORK: No way, Jose.
No chance, Lance.

Not tonight, Irving,
I have a headache!

Mork, you're my husband. I'm not
gonna let you sleep in the bathroom.

If you don't come out,
I'll come in there and get you.

MORK:
Aha! I'll lock the door.

Stupid Orkans forgot to put
a lock on the door!

They probably didn't think
we'd need one.

Now, come on, Mork,
come out of there.

Mork.

Mork? All right,
I'm coming in there.

Mork!

Mork, come back.
Don't run away. Mork.

We should have gone
to Niagara Falls.

Mork.

Mork, where are you?

I know you're here someplace.

Mork, this is our honeymoon.

Is this really the way
you wanna start out our marriage?

MORK [IN ASIAN ACCENT]:
Mork not here right now!

Mork, will you come out here, please?
I need to talk to you.

MORK [IN NORMAL VOICE]:
I can't, Mind… Oh, he can't!

Mork.

Mind.

You knew it was me all along,
didn't you?

Psychic.

Well, I wasn't really running away.

I just like to hyperventilate alone.

You know, Mork,

I think I realize for the first time
how you must feel on Earth.

- I don't know how you cope.
- I've got you to take care of me.

Aw.

I haven't told you this, but, you know,
I think Ork is really a lovely planet.

I mean, the three moons
are very romantic.

Mm-hm.

And this garden, it's… It's beautiful.

Look, these flowers look almost exactly
like Earth roses.

They should look exactly
like Earth roses.

I've been sending them here
for three years now.

You see, I wanted to share a little bit
of Earth's beauty with Ork.

Oh, Mork, you never told me that.
That's so nice.

They're not as beautiful as you are,
though.

Oh, thanks.

Now, you wanna tell me
what's bothering you?

I'm scared.

Oh, Mork.

Come over here.

Oh, Mork, everyone's scared
of getting married.

It's a new experience.

It's a normal emotion.

- It is?
- Sure.

Oh, Mork, just think,
someday we might have children

and I'm scared to death of that.

But I know that you'll be there
to help me get through it.

See, that's the really wonderful thing
about marriage,

is you have a friend who loves you

and a partner who helps you
through the rough times.

This friend and partner isn't ashamed
of the other friend and partner?

No, not if they love each other.

[ALARM WAILING]

- Oh, trouble, Mind.
- For picking a rose?

Yeah, we better walk fast.
This is a national monument, Mind.

Picking that rose would be
the same on Earth

as if you plucked one
of Brooke Shields' eyebrows.

Back in the room again, huh?

- Looks that way.
- Yeah, looks that way.

Well, back in the room again. Heh.

Sounds like a Willie Nelson song.

Well, um, wanna watch a little TV,
Mind?

Orson Knows Best is on.

No, Mork, I'd rather talk.

You know, Mork, until today,
I never really realized

what it's like to be a stranger
on a strange planet.

But as bizarre and as scary
as Ork has been to me,

at least I've been here with you.

Yeah, you got it there, kid.
It's just you and me, sweetheart.

ONE AND TWO [IN UNISON]:
Guess again.

[ONE AND TWO LAUGHING]

- They're back.
- No, no. Mind, Mind, Mind.

That was Peevee clones
Six and Seven.

These are One and Two,
the originals.

Do you wanna hear
our latest Orson joke?

Mind, you think Six and Seven
are funny, these clones wrote the book.

TWO: Okay, now,
hold onto those sides. Here goes.

Orson is a big…

Fatso.

[LAUGHING]

- Mork.
- Fatso!

- You didn't laugh the first time.
- I know, Mind, but I just got it.

Oh, honey, your delivery's incredible.

"Fatso." Just the way you said "fatso."

- She's funny.
- She's funny.

You think she's funny,
wait till you read this. Ha, ha.

Check that one out for a week,
and let me know when you figure it out.

[LAUGHING]

Check that one out.

[MORK SHOUTS]

Rick 'em, rack 'em, ruck 'em,
ruck 'em, get that ball and really fight!

- They're gone.
- They're gone.

- Here we are in the room again.
- Yeah.

- Just the two of us.
- Looks that way.

I just want you to know I think
I understand your Earth customs.

- You do?
- Yeah, and I really do care.

Oh, Mork.

Just one thing.

Would you wear
the chicken head tonight?

MORK: You're doing great, Mind.
MINDY: Thanks.

MORK: Just stay in your lane.
MINDY: Okay.

We should really send Orson
a nice thank you note.

MORK: Yeah.
- Because I had a great time.

Oh, me too.

[GIGGLING]

Mork!

You know what my favorite part was?

- What?
- Guess.

- The pillow fight?
- No.

Yeah, well…
No, my favorite part was…

My favorite part
was waking up in the morning

and seeing you laying there next to me
and knowing for the rest of my life

your face will be the first one
I wake up to every morning.

Oh, ditto, Mind.

- And I've got one thing to say to you.
- What?

Meteor!