Original subtitles

Laurel & Hardy in March of the Wooden Soldiers

Victor Herbert's Babes in Toyland

Composed by Victor Herbert Books and Lyrics by Glen MacDonough

♪ When you've grown up my dears ♪

♪ And are as old as I ♪

♪ You'll often ponder on the years that rolled so swiftly by ♪

♪ That rolled so swiftly by ♪

♪ And all the many lands you will have journeyed through ♪

♪ You'll all recall the best of all, the land your childhood knew ♪

♪ Your childhood knew ♪

♪ Toyland, Toyland, dear to girl and boy land ♪

♪ While you dwell within it, you are ever happy be there ♪

♪ Childhood, joy land, mystic merry Toyland ♪

♪ Once you've passed its portals, you can n'er return again ♪

Stannie Dum and Ollie Dee liked to sleep as you can see.

♪ Toyland, Toyland, dear to girl and boy land ♪

♪ While you dwell within it ♪

♪ You are ever happy there ♪

♪ Childhood, joy land, mystic merry Toyland ♪

Come children. On your way to school.

Toyland First Reader School

- Good morning mother Goose. - Good morning.

Here you are, balloons. All colors of the rainbow.

Little Miss Muffet (sat on her tuffet...)

Mary Mary quite contrary...

Little Jack Horner (sat in a corner...)

Rockabye Baby (on the tree top, when the wind blows...)

The Queen of Hearts (made some tarts all on a summer's day...)

Boys! Boys!

Hey Diddle Diddle (the cat and the fiddle...)

The Three Little Pigs

The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe (she had so many children...

Go along now. Oh dear.

Bo Peep.

I'm coming mother.

Oh you children will be the death of me.

Ah, mother, do you really mean that?

Of course I don't.

Now you run right along and tend to your sheep.

And don't go losing them again.

I won't.

Come on Fleecy, come on Curly, come on Wooly.

- How do you do my dear Mrs. Peep. - How do you do, Mr. Barnaby?

And how is your charming daughter, Ms. Bo Peep?

Very well thank you.

Then, may I be permitted to pay my respects?

Sorry, but she's out tending her sheep.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Good morning my pretty little butterfly.

Good morning Mr. Barnaby!

I bring you a little bouquet, a fragrant token of my deep devotion.

Thank you very much Mr. Barnaby.

- And now I have to leave you sir. My my sheep... - Nay!

I have long admired you.

Deep with wonder on your sweet and maidenly virtue.

Marveled at your tender loveliness.

In short...

I'm asking you to become my wife.

I...

I'm sorry Mr. Barnaby and I hope you won't think me ungrateful but...

I'm a very rich man my dear.

Please!

Think carefully, child.

Lest I revert to other means.

That would be an ugly way to win a pretty wife.

I wouldn't marry you if you were young, which you can't be,

if you were honest, which you never were

and if you were about to die tomorrow which is too much to hope for.

We shall meet again my pretty little buttercup.

And then you will sing a different tune.

Fleecy, Curly!

I came back to remind you that your little financial obligation...

- You mean the mortgage? - ...is due today.

Couldn't you give me just a little more time?

I'm sorry. The law must take it's course.

I shall be back shortly.

Come boys.

You'll be late for work.

We're coming.

- Good morning, Mother Peep. - Good morning, Ollie!

Will you come on. It's almost 8 o'clock.

Why, I thought I left you upstairs in the bedroom.

- You did. - Well how'd you get down here?

I fell out the window.

Good morning Mother Peep.

Guten morgen Stannie.

Good morning Ollie.

Guten morgen Stan... never mind good morning.

Come on and let's go!

Wait a minute. I forgot something.

I'll be right down.

Will you come on. Do you want us to be late for work?

Don't forget your lunch, Ollie.

What's the matter, Mother Peep?

I've got bad news for you.

Bad news?!

I'm afraid you two boys will have to find some other place to live.

Well what do you mean?

That old stingely Barnaby holds the mortgage against this shoe.

It's due today and I haven't got the money to pay him.

And we'll all be cast out into the street.

Stannie. Go upstairs and get my money box.

Eh?

Go get my money box.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to give you all of my savings.

And I'll get the rest of it from our master the toy maker.

No ones going to throw you out of this shoe.

Oh I can't let you do such a thing.

Tut, tut, tut, tarut!

One good turn deserves another.

Now smile!

That's it... that's it.

I owe you 1.48. Stannie Dum

I borrowed it.

I know you borrowed it.

But what did you borrow it for?!

Well you see I had to buy some more Pee Wees.

I lost three of them playing with little Jack Horner.

Had to buy some more Pee Wees.

Well don't you mind, Mother Peep I'll get the full amount from the toy maker.

Oh you boys musn't go into debt on my account.

Listen, when the toy maker finds out that Barnaby's up to his old tricks again

he'll give me the full amount without any problem.

- Oh, can I depend on that? - Why of course you can.

You know the toy maker and I are just like that. Aren't we, Stannie?

- Are you? - Why certainly.

- Which is you? - Why this one right... never mind!

- Good bye. - Good bye.

Don't forget your lunch.

And don't you worry.

No I won't.

Good bye boys.

Just a moment.

What is this Pee Wee business you've been spending all my money on?

Would you like to see it?

Certainly I'd like to see it. After all the money it's cost me

I think I'm entitled to know what it's all about.

Alright... look.

What do you think of that?

Piffle!

That's the silliest thing I have ever seen.

Try it.

- I don't want to try it! - Why, can't you do it?

Well certainly I can. What do you mean, can't I do it

Give me that! Get over there.

It's a certainty that anything you can do, I can do!

What for instance?

Here!

Just a moment!

Thank you!

Come on, we'll be late for work.

Say listen, when you get that money from...

- ...the toy maker will you borrow a little extra for me? - What for?

Well I lost me Pee Wee and I'll have to get some more.

Get in here now, will you. Pee Wee!

- Good morning, Master. - What do you mean, good morning?!

You know you're half an hour late!

If this happens again, it will mean instant dismissal. Get to work!

Say, aren't you gonna ask him about the money to pay off the mortgage?

I can't ask him now. Don't you see what a bad humor he's in.

Well if we don't get that money, Mother Peep's gonna be turned out of the shoe, and

she won't have any place to sleep.

We can't let her do that.

Why if I ask him now, he'll jump right down my throat.

But I thought you and he were just like that.

We are!

Well why don't you ask him?

Why don't you ask him?

Well I can't ask him.

Why?

- Well he and I are just like that. - Oh, don't be silly.

- He likes you better than he does me. - Does he?

Yep. He told me he did!

- Did he? - Yeah!

Oh Master.

What?

Ollie wants to speak to you.

Well, what is it?

Well could I speak to you privately please sir?

I've got a very important question I want to ask you.

Don't bother me now! Can't you see that I'm busy?! Go on with your work!

Well if you knew how important it was, you'd see me privately because if...

Will you shut up and go on with your work!

Fleecy... Fleecy!

Wooly... Snowball?!

Little Bo Peep (lost her sheep and doesn't know where to find them...)

♪ What is the matter, Little Bo Peep? ♪

♪ I have been careless and lost my sheep ♪

♪ Say have you seen them, Jack and Jill during your journey up the hill ♪

♪ They're not on the hill nor in the wood ♪

♪ Did you meet up with them Red Riding Hood? ♪

♪ Don't cry Bo Peep, don't cry ♪

♪ To find your sheep, we'll try ♪

♪ We'll seek them far, we'll seek them wide ♪

♪ We'll seek them low and high ♪

♪ Don't cry Bo Peep, don't cry. To find your sheep, we'll try ♪

♪ We'll seek them far, we'll seek them wide ♪

♪ We'll seek them low and high ♪

No, I haven't seen them!

♪ Oh Mother Goose and Miss Muffet, too, have my stray lambkins been seen by you? ♪

♪ Better ask Curly Locks fresh from the field♪

♪ She or Boy Blue may have seen them there ♪

♪ Where they are hiding, Tom Tucker may know ♪

♪ Simon or Peter or Bobby Shafto ♪

♪ Nevermind Bo Peep, we will find your sheep no matter where they be ♪

♪ So be gay, Bo Peep, though astray your sheep ♪

♪ Soon home again, you'll see ♪

♪ You will smile, Bo Peep, for in while your sheep may come back to you ♪

♪ Nevermind, Bo Peep, you will find your sheep, when they come home to you ♪

♪ Baa baa baa!♪

♪ It was the black sheep that led them astray ♪

Baa baa baa!

♪ Word is the rascal shall certainly pay ♪

♪ Nevermind Bo Peep, we will find your sheep no matter where they be ♪

♪ So be gay, Bo Peep, though astray your sheep ♪

♪ Give a smile, Bo Peep, for a while your sheep ♪

♪ May go in pastures too ♪

♪ Nevermind, Bo Peep, we will find your sheep ♪

♪ And bring them home to you ♪

Oh, Tom Tom.

I don't know what Mother would do if they were really lost.

Oh, don't worry. They'll be found. You've lost them before, haven't you?

As a matter of fact, last month you lost them five times!

Oh I couldn't have.

Yes you did.

And four times the month before that! You see, you're getting worse.

What you need is someone to help you look after the darn things.

Who, for instance?

Oh, he'd have to be most unusual.

Energetic... resourceful...

and with any amount of patience.

A fellow sort of... well... like me!

Not interested?

Not even a little bit?

Then I'll just keep you there until you are interested!

- Nice? Interested? - Uh huh.

Oh look, Tom Tom, they found them!

You should hang your head you naughty sheep.

Oh Fluffy, where have you been?

My dear friends...

and citizens of Toyland.

I want you all to meet

The future Mrs. Piper!

Hello Mister Toy Maker.

Well, how's my order coming along?

Everything is in fine shape.

Good.

- Are you coming in? - Yes, just a moment.

Alright. I won't forget you. Now run along.

Hello everybody. How's everything?

- And how are my two boys? - Hello Mr. Santee.

Can't wait until you see the wooden soldiers we made for you.

The finest piece of work we've ever turned out.

- Splendid! - Yes.

Ollie! Go and bring one of them in.

Yes sir. You'd better help me. They're heavy.

We'll have them right out, Mr. Santee.

You'll get the surprise of your life!

Don't try to lift it. All you have to do is press the button in the back

And it walks out by itself.

Isn't it wonderful?

It does everything but talk.

Wonderful yes. But not what I ordered.

What do you mean?

I ordered 600 soldiers at one foot high.

What?

You took that order.

What was it?

I thought you said 100 soldiers at six foot high.

You got the order all wrong.

I couldn't give those things to my children to play with.

Put it back in the box and get out of here. You're through!

- Here's another mess you've gotten us into. - Well I couldn't help it.

If you had been watching what you were doing, you wouldn't have gotten us into

Come out of there. Not you! It's for him!

Put that thing back in the box! Get out of here!

Stop it! Stop it! Do something to stop it!

Come out of there!

Why didn't you stop it, you blithering idiots?!

- Now get out and stay out! - Yes sir.

Aren't you gonna ask him about the money for the mortgage?

What's that?!

Just skip it. It's a fine time to ask for money.

Oh mommy. I'm so happy!

Tom Tom has asked me to become his bride.

My child!

And with your permission, we'd like to be married.

Why of course darling.

My blessings are with you.

And may nothing ever happen to mar your happiness.

Oh, Mumsy you're a maid's hope.

Mr. Barnaby!

When you enter my house, I'll trouble you to knock.

Your house, my good lady? Did you say your house?

Yes, my house!

Not until this little debt is fulfilled.

Why Mother, what does it mean?

It means my dear

that unless this mortgage is paid,

you will all be thrown out into the street.

Of course,

we could compromise.

- Compromise? - Yes.

Should your daughter reconsider my generous offer...

to become my wife, we could forget this little matter.

And it could be her wedding present.

Mother?!

Don't worry darling nothing like that will ever happen.

Then, let us get down to business.

Mr. Barnaby!

You can make out your receipt.

You'll be paid in full, right now!

Well, here you are boys.

Just in time.

This wretched man seems to think that we haven't got...

the money to pay off the mortgage.

But we have, haven't we!

Haven't we boys!

Why what's the matter?

Didn't you get the money?

No, you see Ollie made a mistake.

A mistake?

He and the toy maker are not like that.

Are you!?

Then I take it Madam,

you cannot meet your lawful obligation?

In which case, I shall bid you good day.

Foreclosure papers will be served in due course.

Oh, you're not really going to throw us into the street?

Much as it pains me, I'm sorry.

Big bait catches big rats!

Oh Mumsy, what shall I do? What shall I do?

If only he didn't have that mortgage.

Don't you worry, Mother Peep

Stannie and me will find a way to get the mortgage from that old buzzard!

He sure is an old buzzard.

You know, if he thinks he's gonna throw this shoe into the street, he's mistaken.

He certainly is.

- You know what I'd like to do. - What?

I'd like to put on this shoe and kick him right in the pants.

Then I'd kick...

- What happened? - Barnaby clunked you.

Open that window.

Warehouse

- Ollie? - What?

We're outside.

Good!

Now what do we do?

Take me over to Barnaby's house and be sure no one sees you.

OK.

And be careful!

- We're here. - So far, so good.

It wasn't so far.

- We just came across the street. - Ring the bell!

It wasn't so far!

Who is it?

It's me.

What do you want at this hour of the night?

Well you see, Ollie and I are sorry for what happened this afternoon

And just to show you we're not mad at you, we brought you a Christmas present.

It's from me, and from Ollie.

Christmas present, in the middle of July?

Oh yes, you see we always do our Christmas shopping early.

If you'll open the door I'll bring it right in for you.

I'll be right down.

- He's coming down. He's going to let us in. - That's fine.

Now don't forget

when he goes to bed

you give me the signal.

And I'll get out of the box, open the door and let you in.

Then we'll get the mortgage.

So far, so good.

"A Merry Xmas To Mr. Barnaby From Ollie Dee and Stannie Dum"

What is it?

- Oh, I couldn't tell you. - Couldn't tell me?

No. You see it's a surprise.

And it musn't be opened 'til Christmas.

See.

Do not open, until Christmas.

- Well, that's very nice of you. - It is, isn't it!

- Well, good night Mr. Barnaby. - Good night Mr. Dum.

You can go to bed now.

Thank you,

Mr. Dum.

Merry Christmas.

A Merry Christmas to you.

Good night.

Good night!

Good night Ollie!

Good night Stannie!

Where as Ollie Dee and Stannie Dum have been found guilty of burglary

they will be dunked and thereafter exiled to Bogeyland forever!

"Good night Ollie!"

Your majesty, what are we waiting for?

Oh yeah... proceed with the dunking!

Come on!

You're first. Come on!

- Ollie! - What? - Here.

You better give me your watch. I'll hold it for you until you come out.

Thanks. Now take good care of it because I wouldn't have anything happen to that.

- I will. - Good bye.

Good bye.

- Come on! - All right.

Splendid!

- Is it cold? - Yes!

I'm smothering!

- Keep your nose closed! - I will!

Hurry. He'll die of ammonia!

This is terrible.

Hold your nose, Ollie!

Bring him up, bring him up.

How do you feel?

You know how I feel!

Here, have a drink of water. That'll do you good.

Thank you.

- Haven't I had enough water?! - I was only trying to help.

Mr. Barnaby. Can't something be done to stop this?

Why yes. Consent to become my wife.

And they will go free.

All right, Mr. Barnaby.

I consent.

With your majesty's permission, I wish to withdraw my charges.

Withdrawn they shall be.

Residents of Toyland,

I want you all to meet...

The future Mrs. Silas Barnaby.

You may go.

Thank you sir.

- Does that mean we're free? - Yes.

And from now on, you and I are going to be very close friends.

- Does that mean that he won't be dunked!? - Yes!

- Isn't that nice? - What?

He and I are just like that.

- And I don't have to get wet. - Oh, is that so!

- Ollie! - What?

Here's your watch.

Run over and tell the bride that all is in readyness and her lover is waiting.

Mumsy, what did Tom Tom say?

He understands.

Now you see. If you hadn't said "good night Ollie", this wouldn't have happened.

Where are you going Mother Peep?

I'm going over to Barnaby to make a final plea.

Surely there must be one spark of kindness in that stony old heart of his.

That's a good ideia. But I don't think it will do any good.

You're right Ollie. You can't turn blood into a stone.

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

Well her talking to Barnaby,

is just a matter of pouring one ear into another and coming out the other side.

It can't be done.

I'm sorry Bo Peep that you had to choose me for the best man.

Why I'd rather do anything in this world than to have to give you away.

Why Stannie is so upset, he's not even going to the wedding.

- You are upset, aren't you! - Upset?! I'm house broken.

Not house broken.

He means heart broken.

House broken huh!

Come in.

Mr. Barnaby. Don't force my daughter into this dreadful marriage.

I'm an old woman. Pleading for her daughter's happiness.

Oh don't do this dreadful thing. Mr. Barnaby. I'll do anything you ask!

Work for you. Slave for you.

Only don't, please don't.

Woman, you're a fool!

The bargain's made, and you'll abide by it.

Master, the bride is here!

Welcome to Barnaby Hall.

Shut that door!

- Come, come judge. Let's waste no time. - Have you the ring?

Your name is Silas Barnaby?

It is.

- And your name is Little Bo Peep? - It is.

Do you take this woman for you lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

And do you take this man for your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

And now, to kiss the bride.

Just a moment.

Haven't you forgotten something, Mr. Barnaby?

Oh yes. The mortgage.

My wedding present.

Now, you may kiss the bride.

What is the meaning of this?!

Big bait, catches big rats!

The king shall hear of this!

Tom Tom.

Oh my boys!

- That sure was a good idea of yours. - It certainly was!

Well... good bye!

And good luck.

What do you mean, good bye?

- Aren't I going with you? - Why no.

You have to stay here with Barnaby.

You're married to him.

I don't want to stay here with him.

Why?

I don't love him!

Well don't worry. Old Barnaby will never bother us again.

- Because I'm going to take you away. - Where?

♪ Oh we'll live in a castle in Spain ♪

♪ In the side of a hill by Grenada... ♪

Tricked! Cheated! Laughed at in the streets!

Fools!

So they think they can outwit old Barnaby, eh.

I'll show them.

There must be a way.

There must be some way!

Idiot! Dolt! Imbecile! Pig!

Pig!

Get me a nice red juicy apple. I'll steal one of the Three Little Pigs.

And the evidence will be placed in Tom Tom's house.

You know the penalty for pignapping?

Banishment to Bogeyland!

Sit still! There.

Take this evidence and place it in Tom Tom's house.

Master. Why the sausage?

That will prove that he not only stole the pig, but that he also ground him into sausage.

And now little Elmer

We shall see.

Whereas Tom Tom Piper has been found guilty of pignapping

He will be immediately banished to Bogeyland.

Poor Tom Tom.

I'm sure glad we didn't have to go to Bogeyland.

So am I.

What happens to you in Bogeyland?

Oh it's a terrible place. Once you go there, you never come back.

Why?

Well, when the Bogeyman gets you, they eat you alive!

What do they look like?

Well I've heard that they're half man, and half animal.

With great big ears, and great big mouths.

And hair all over their body.

And long claws, that they catch you with.

Scat! Go on! Scat!

Tom my boy, you knew the penalty for pignapping. Why did you do it?

But I didn't do it!

I don't even know what you're talking about.

How can you say that, in view of this evidence, found in your house.

Take it away.

Your majesty. You made a horrible mistake.

Tom Tom knows nothing about this.

He's been with me all day. Hasn't he Mommy!

That's right Your Majesty.

Why not let the law take it's course, Your Majesty?!

Watch that until I come back!

What does that mean?

Exhibit B.

That means that the pig sausage, is part of the evidence.

Doesn't taste like pig sausage to me!

What does it taste like?

Tastes like pork.

Try it.

Why that's neither pig nor pork!

- It's beef! - Beef?!

I smell a rat!

Barnaby's got a hand in that.

I believe that little Elmer is still alive!

Come on, we'll find out!

You've got to listen to me Your Majesty, you've got to hear me.

Tom Tom knows nothing about this.

The Little Pigs are friends of ours. Why should he want to hurt them?

The violin and hat were in the house when we got home.

He's innocent, I tell you, innocent!

It is with deep regret that I have to enforce the law of our kingdom.

Take him away!

I tell you I'm innocent! I tell you I'm innocent!

I didn't steal the pig!

Tom Tom, Tom Tom

You see child, it was folly, wasting your affections on a common pignapper.

Let me go! Let me go!

Tom Tom is innocent and you know it!

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

Just a minute! Just a minute!

Silence!

Mr. Majesty. Tom Tom is innocent! We found little Elmer in Barnaby's cellar!

Let's get him!

I'll give 50,000 Guineaus for the capture of that scoundrel dead or alive!

- Dead or alive?! - Dead or alive!

Can't you make up your mind which way you want him?

Take me to my tower.

Let's go around the back way. We'll get him!

Alright Mr. Barnaby. There's no use hiding! We know where you are!

You better come out, because if you don't we're gonna stay right here until you do.

Even if it takes all night!

Are we gonna (going to) stay here all night?

No! We're gonna make him think we are.

Tom Tom!

- Tom Tom! - Bo Peep!

Stan and Ollie found little Elmer, alive!

Where?

In Barnaby's cellar.

I knew he had something to do with this! Oh if I ever get my hands on him.

Come on. We'll find our way out of here.

Oh Tom Tom, we'll never find our way out of here!

Oh yes we will. Come on!

- Did he come up? - No!

Are you coming up?

You better come up, dead or alive!

How can he come up dead when he's alive?

Let's drop a rock on him, then we'll make him dead when he's alive.

Now your talking sense.

- Look out! - Don't tell him to look out!

- It might have hit him. - That's what I wanted to do!

Did it hit you?

- Not a sound. - It must have got him.

Go down and bring him up.

You go down and bring him up.

Do you mean to tell me that you're going to let 50,000 Guineas slip right thru your fingers?

Well I'm scared!

There's nothing to be afraid of. You and he are just like that!

Well that was before we were married.

All right. I'll compromise. We'll both go down.

That's better.

Go ahead.

Wait a minute. Go ahead!

I'll teach you... I'll teach you to trifle with Silas Barnaby!

- You know what? - What?

He's not here.

I can see he's not here!

- Oh look! Maybe he went through this way. - I'll bet he did. Let's go see.

I wonder where he went?

We'll soon find out. Let's go that way.

There he is!

Mr. Barnaby! You're going back with us

Oh the Bogeymen!

I can't get help! help!

They've escaped me.

But I'll get them if I have to destroy all of Toyland!

To the rafts!

Stand back! Here comes the king.

Why all the commotion? Have you no reverence for my beauty sleep?!

Sorry your majesty, but we were celebrating the rescue...

of Tom Tom and Bo Peep, from Bogeyland.

Splendid news! And who had the courage to do this?

They did, sir.

Did you get Barnaby?

No sir! He was running so fast, we couldn't catch him.

- He was scared to death, wasn't he? - He sure was!

Well tell me all about it.

Stannie and me chased Barnaby and the Bogeyman so far, they'll never come back!

- What do these Bogeyman look like? - Oh they're terrible looking things!

They're half man and half animal!

With great big ears,

great big mouths,

and long claws,

- Come back! - You don't have to run away!

- Nothing to be afraid of! - You're not scared now!

They're not half as bad as they look!

There they are!

Follow me!

Follow the door! Break it down!

- Here! - What are you going to do?

We'll fix those Bogeymen! Come on!

Come on, now!

- Say, you know what! - What?

- Let's load them in the cannon! - Fine!

Get some more darts!

- You know what! - What?

The wooden soldiers!

Let's get the cannon and give them a parting shot!