All language subtitles for London.Calling.2025e

Dressed as a horse.

Walk in the park.

Fucking hell! Come on!

Look, it's not me you're after.
It can't be.

Yeah, it's not the
first time I heard that.

I'm telling you,
this is a mistake.

Nice try, horsey.

Horse? I'm a donkey!

Not from where I'm standing.

Listen, I am Freddy Darby's
wife's cousin.

Sure you are.
Everyone's related to Darby.

Oh, fuck!

Fucking hell.

Right, just stand still
for a second, would you?

I am standing still.

Huh, that is a donkey.

Oh, shit.

That is Freddy Darby's wife's
cousin.

Oh, boy.

Hey, I fucked up.

Thanks.

So how much time do I have?

The family's already talking.

They think it was a low-level
hitter.

But it's only a matter of time
before

Darby pieces it all together.

How the hell did this happen,
Tommy?

I don't know.

It was dark. It was in the
alley. I couldn't-

Wait, wait.
You didn't go, did you?

Go where?

How many times have I asked you
to have your eyes checked?

I don't need fucking glasses.

Clearly you fucking do.

I'm talking about a horse,
and a donkey.

Who the fuck can tell the
difference

between a horse and a donkey?

Anybody. Literally anybody.

We have fucking Attenborough
for that.

Look, Tommy,

no one can take away the
good you've done over the years.

Ever since you first
came out here,

you ask anybody,
who did it best?

They'll tell you. Tommy Ward.

And that still means something.

But this business of time
catches up with you.

Legs slow down,
hands start shaking.

Shit hurts for no reason.

It's a new era.

You've got to know when to
put it down.

Shit!

Yeah. You better leave town
tonight.

Can you buy me some time?

No. No, you can't do this.

It's the first place
they'll look for you.

Not if I get there first.

God damn it, Tom.

Look, I need to see him.

Yeah. Well, you lost your
privileges.

Don't tell me you lost your
bloody mind, too.

Come on, two minutes.
That's all I ask.

I might not be coming back.
Please, Jodi.

Are you drunk?

No.

Are you high?

Not currently.

Ah, hi ya, Tom.

Hey, Ricky.

What's going on?

Just having a little
private chat with my ex-wife.

Right on.
You want to come on inside?

-No!
-No.

Alright.

Just wait here.

So, how's work?

-Good.
-Yeah?

How's work for you, Ricky?

Good.

-How're the students?
-Rascals.

-Yeah.
-Yeah. Love 'em.

It's an all boys school, right?

Yeah.

-There we go.
-Ricky.

Um, honey...

your dad's going on a trip,
and he wanted to say goodbye.

But I thought you said
he lost his privileges.

Yeah, he did, love. I'm just
doing him this one last favor,

because I feel really
bad for him, okay?

Because he's a loser.

Exactly. A loser.

Two minutes.

Hey. Hey, buddy.
How are you doing?

Fine, I guess.

Good... look, buddy.

I did a stupid thing, and I have
to go away for a little while.

Mom says everything you do
is stupid.

Huh. Well, not everything.

I did one thing right.

But I...

I love you very much.

And one day I'm going to come
back here,

and we're going to give this
thing a real shot.

But in the meantime, I need you
to be the man of the house.

I need you to look after your
mom, even though she sucks.

I want you to respect her,
and I want you to

listen to everything that she
tells you to do, okay?

What about Ricky?

Ricky's a bitch. Don't listen to
anything he says.

But Mom says he's
a better man than you.

Mm.

Well, I guess...

then you need to be a better man
than the both of us. Okay?

Time's up, Tom.

Come here.

-I love you, bud.
-Bye.

Come on.

I'm going to come back-

Yep.

You're all set. Got your one-way
ticket out of here.

Flight leaves Heathrow in two
hours, but, um...

But what?

You're not going to like it.

Fuck you, Harry.

Asshole!
Learn how to fuck'n drive!

Hey, Benson...
Benson, can you hear me?

Where the hell are you?

He called and said you were
an hour late.

Yeah, I'm on my way.
I'm stuck in traffic.

Oh, traffic?
It's LA, you douche...

there's always traffic.

How come you didn't
leave earlier?

I did.

No, you didn't. You're lying.

No, I'm not.
You don't know that.

Fuck you. I do know that.
Now listen.

This guy thinks he's going
on a job with you,

so just keep it simple,
kill him quickly.

Harry vouched for you,
which is the only

reason why you're still
doing jobs for me.

So if I were you,
I would move my ass!

Get there now, and start acting
like a goddamn professional.

Hey, I am a prof-

Fuck! Darya!

Darya, are you messing
with the TV?

Darya!

Enough with the
blender!

What's going on
with the cable box?

- Nothing.
- Nothing?

What is going on?

Where're you going?

Homework?

That's not a place.

Ah... the park.
To do homework.

Let me take a look.

Wow. They're still making you
read this shit?

Mm. A lot of good that did.

Nothing but a generation
of just soft pussy boys.

What they ought to do
is take your whole nerd herd

and keep you on that island
for real. Toughen you up.

You know that character in here,
the fat one, Piggy?

Don't be like him.

And no more D's.

If I have to have another word
with your teacher,

I'm gonna have to have another
word with you.

You understand?
Go.

Oh, and Julian.

If I find out that
you and your nerd friends

are still doing that role-play
business,

I'm just gonna have to
find the closest thing to me

and beat the
fuck out of you with it.

It's about hard work
and making me proud.

If you do those things,
something very, very special

is going to come to you one day.

Who loves you?

Me.

Me too.

About time.

Benson said that...

-Holy shit.
-What?

-Tommy Ward.
-Fuck me.

What the fuck are you doing
in L.A.?

Hey, I heard you killed
Freddy Darby's son?

-Oh, yeah? You hear that?
- Yeah.

It was his wife's cousin.

Family's family to Darby though,
isn't it?

Oh, oh, sorry.

No, it's okay.

Julian.

Hey, Erika.

What are you doing?

Taking off my pants in the park.

Thanks.

New costume?

Uh, yes, yeah, my dad found
my Paladin

and then he
burned it in the backyard

after dragging
it behind his car, so.

So what are you now?

I'm a level three Druid.

But I morphed into a Bear and
now I don't have time to unmorph

for the big tournament
tomorrow, so.

Just kinda stuck.

-Okay.
-Yeah.

Did you need this tree?

To take off my pants?

No, it's, well, okay, that's...
um..

I'll find somewhere else.
Don't worry.

Ok. Bye.

Yeah, such an idiot.

So, how the hell
have you been, man?

Hey, what's it been?
Six, seven years?

He probably could have gotten
you a better getaway car.

I mean, I knew Benson was a
cheap bastard,

but this is just embarrassing.

This is my car.

-Oh?
-Yeah.

Okay, you drive this on purpose?

It's a... classic.

Okay. So, who's the target?

Some rich dude in
some shithole neighborhood.

-What shithole?
-Malibu.

Malibu? Come on, man,
it's gorgeous.

I hate it here, I always have.

Just wanna go back to London.

Hey, watch out for the tree!

Did you not see that?

Are you suggesting I need
glasses?

I don't need fucking glasses.

Okay, yeah, okay, okay.

I mean, I beg to differ.

That was our exit, so.

Are you kidding me?

God dammit!

Hamish!

Oh, fuck! Ah, fuck!

I'm sorry about that, mate.

Come on, let's make a deal,
yeah?

Oh no, no deals.
I'm a professional.

But we're friends, yeah?

No, we're not.

Okay, acquaintances.

We did one job together, one.

Fuckin' Benson.
I knew I couldn't trust him.

Hey, how much is he paying you?

Not enough.

Okay, well that's good.
I can top it.

Shut up.
Are you ready?

Of course I'm not ready.

Turn around.

-Wait, wait.
-Turn around.

Let me call me son, yeah?

-Please.
-No.

-Nine fucking years old, mate.
-Oh, fuck.

Yeah, you've got a son, yeah?
Back in London... please.

All right, okay, all right.
Thirty seconds.

-Thirty seconds.
-Make it quick, come on.

Thirty fucking seconds.

Oh, son...
oh son of mine.

I just wanna let you know I'm
not gonna be around for you.

And that I forgive you for being
a goddamn poof.

Ward's in LA.

Ward's in Los Angeles.

Oh God, let it go, Freddy.

Can't do that, love.
He killed one of my own.

You barely knew him.

Family's family.

I mean, what if it
was my father instead of me?

He'd have Ward dead and buried
within a week.

I'm going on a year. How'd you
think that makes me feel?

Where are you going?

I'll be back soon.

Maybe I'll finally
be able to get some rest

after I've avenged poor Ronald.

His name was Robert,
and he was my cousin.

Where we going, boss?

City of Angels, lads.

Hey.

Yo man, that's really nice.
It's super authentic.

Thanks, man. You ready for
the big day tomorrow?

What does it matter?

We're just gonna
get our asses kicked again.

Don't say that, dude.
There's a chance.

There's always a chance.

Besides, what do they have
that we don't?

Look at him.
So fucking cool, man.

Cool, really?

I mean, come on, he speaks in a
fake British accent,

and has black nail polish.
I think we can take him.

Tristan Trollslayer.

I thought you used to be a
Paladin.

I'm a Druid now. Level three.

Really? Level three?

Only I can level you.
You know that.

Come on, Robbie.
Seriously?

Barnabus! And I am relegating
you to level one.

What? That's bullshit.

Did you just question
my leadership?

Your collar, give it to me.

I'm not gonna do that,
Bobby.

Get on the ground, boy.

Get on the ground!

Hey! Bobby, what are you doing?

Know your place, woman.

Seriously?

Yeah, I'm calling Dad.

What?

Oh no, you're not.

Hey!

Shit.

Tell me it's done.

It's done.

Good. Come get your
cash before I change my mind.

Yeah, I'll be there in an hour.

I... what the fuck is that?

Uh, a bully kicked my ass,

and stole my shorts, so...

What would you like me
to do about it?

Kick his ass for you?

I mean, if you want to.

Bubbale...

Like my father taught me,

and I've tried to teach you a
mystifying number of times,

a man solves his own problems.

We wandered through that goddamn
desert hundreds of years.

Four years.

Why do you think the Egyptians
chose us?

Because we are tough.

Because we can take it.

If you can't handle

a bunch of little dick assholes
in the teenage world,

how the hell are you gonna
handle the big dicks

when you take over the business?

Avoid them, I guess.

No.

No, you grab your
frank 'n beans.

Man the fuck up,
and turn your shit around,

otherwise everything
this family built dies with me.

Go to your room.

Alright.

The rest goes back to London
just like before.

Yeah, perhaps, ah...

perhaps now's the best time
to tell you.

Maybe you should use that
cash to buy yourself a new car.

What?

The fuck is this?

"I'm getting married to Ricky!

"Stop sending letters
and your dirty money."

Son of a bitch. Aah!

She's getting married to Ricky.

-What's wrong with Ricky?
-He's a gym teacher.

Gym teachers are good with kids.

Gym teachers aren't teachers,
they're perverts, with whistles.

I gotta go back to London.

- So go.
- I can't.

Why not... the fuck is this?

Kale.

Excuse me... um...

Have I ever given you the
impression

that I look like a guy
that drinks kale?

Yes.

Aah! That was delicious,
thank you.

Okay.

I met her in a Russian brothel,
if you can believe that.

I never would have guessed.

She breaks everything.

Oven, toaster, toilet.
And now the goddamn cable box.

Just send somebody
out to fix it.

A man solves his own problems.

I will not have somebody
come out here

to fix a basic appliance, Tom.

As you were saying...

I can't go back to London

because I killed Freddy Darby's
wife's cousin.

Who the fuck's Freddy Darby?

He's my old boss back in London.

He's got this weird fixation
with family.

Anyway, I had to leave,
and I can't go back

because if I do, he will kill me
the second I step off the plane.

What do you want me
to do about it?

I don't know, don't you have
connections over there?

Round up some muscle,

give me a safe passage,
or something?

I gotta be honest with you, Tom.

I don't have
that kind of pull anymore.

I have to move money around,

I would have to
call in every favor I'm owed.

Even then, I don't go that
far for people who work for me.

Ben, Ben, Ben, I haven't seen
my son for over a year.

His mother is not gonna
send him over here to see me.

Even if it's for just a
couple of days, please.

I just, I need to see my boy.

I'll tell you what,
you help me.

Maybe I can see if I can get you
safe passage back to London.

Yeah, anything you need,
you name it.

Knock, knock,
please do not get up.

Okay, so Tommy,
this is my son, Julian.

Hello.

He's kind of like Rain Man,
but really sucks at math.

Julian, this is Tommy,
Tommy kills people for me.

Umm... hi.

- Oh!!
- So- what the fuck was that?

It's a YouTube video.

- Cats... compilation of cats.
- Oh! Oh!

See, meow, meow.

Oh, fuck me,
Daddy! Oh, aah!

Oh, fuck me,
Bear-boy!

Is this what you
do with yourself all day?

No, I play Warcraft.

But I don't fucking give a shit!

I'm done. Ends with me.

Everything this family built
is gone.

Wait, you don't,
you don't wanna...

Sorry?

I'm not gonna kill...
I don't kill kids.

The fuck is wrong,
are you out of your mind?

No, Tom, sit,
come sit, please, Tom.

Sit, come, sit, come.

This is about legacy.

What do you think's gonna happen

when Professor Greenbeans
takes over the family?

This needs to turn around
right fucking quick, Tommy.

He needs to become a man,
and a man needs a job.

Yeah, yep.

Nothing like hard work
to straighten out a young man.

And that's exactly why he's
coming on the next hit with you.

You... Wait, uh...

You, uh, no, wait, hold on.

All right, listen up, guys,
this is the job.

Target, Alistair McCray.

For years, he was a
ghost.

Some people think he was a myth.

You know, kind of like that
campfire story

that you tell around the bath
house to spook the competition.

Hold on, this has gotta be a
mistake, I know this guy.

He is one of the best hitters
in all of Europe.

Was... seems that Alistair had
some sort of breakdown.

Change of heart...
Come to Jesus moment.

...bloodwork. I would like to
increase your dosage.

God told me to
stop taking my medication.

Yeah, I wouldn't recommend that.

He decides to confess
all of his sins to the cops,

including some of the hits

that he did for a few
associates of mine.

Question.

Your penis?
Please put it away.

The cops don't believe
him.

I mean, if Alistair gets in an
interrogation room

without showing his scrotum,
there could be trouble.

Ben, I couldn't do this guy
by myself,

let alone having to drag this
marshmallow with me, no offense.

I'm not saying I'm
not agreeing with you, Tom.

Oh my God.

But the circumstances
have changed.

I mean, come on,
it's an easy job.

So, he's gone completely
mental?

It appears so.

Okay, are there any leads
on his whereabouts?

His brother, Seamus.

He just got Alistair
out of the precinct yesterday.

I want him dead too,
no loose ends.

I didn't know he had a brother.

Got himself into
some pharmaceutical shit.

Constantly on the move.

Seemingly hard to track down.

However, I happen to know
one of his dealers,

the name is Woodley.

That guy is staying in a
Best Western in Simi Valley.

Room 126.

See if you can get him
to give you Seamus' location.

Then I want him dead too.
Got it?

Are you writing down the names
of the people

we're about to murder?

No.

Could I talk to you
for a second?

He's gonna get me killed.

I didn't ask for your opinion.

Just give it a couple of years.

What is he, 13, 14 years old?

-Eighteen.
-Jesus Christ!

It's worse than I thought.

So when it's done,
call me to confirm,

and I need to see pictures.

Can we at least talk
about this?

-I don't want-
-Do you want my help?

Do you want safe passage
to London?

It's this, or fuck yourself?

I'll make you proud,
Dad.

You have no perspective.
It's like your role play.

Everybody but you thinks
it's stupid and embarrassing.

This is your
last fucking chance

to turn your shit around,
and become a man.

Don't let me down, Bubby,
I love you.

Oh, Tom.

When the time comes,
you make sure that it's my boy

that pulls that trigger,
do you understand?

Yeah.

Bye, Dad.

Dad?

Ah, no, no, no, no,
shit goes in the trunk.

Hey, hey, easy.

-Julian.
-Oh.

Hey, Erika?

Sorry about earlier.

Bobby can be
a bit of a douche.

Oh, it's okay.

Where are you going?

To man up and get my
shit together, apparently, so...

You're not gonna
miss tomorrow, are you?

What is this kid doing?

We need you there.

- Listen, I-
- Come on, let's go.

I don't think I can LARP
anymore.

I can talk to my brother
if you want.

Come on, let's go.

Ah, I gotta go.

Right, um, yeah, cool.
I guess I'll see you around.

Oh my God, would you hurry
the fuck up, please?

Is that your chick?

No, she's an elven mage.

She's... Never mind.

Stop touching that.

So, why'd you leave England?

I killed some people.

So, why are you back here?

Killing different people.

Did you have like a real job
before this whole thing?

This is a real job.

Sorry.

So, do you have like a
favorite mission?

Let me ask you something.
Have you ever been involved

in any real life violence?

Yeah. Yeah!

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

No, yeah, I get my ass beat
on occasion.

Oh.

Bullies.
Strangers sometimes.

There's something wrong
with the seat.

It's supposed to be like that.

It's a classic.

Right, so, just so you don't go
getting yourself

killed out there,
you might as well learn

how to use one of these.

Right, two hands on the weapon
like this.

Finger off the trigger
till you're ready to squeeze.

-Of course.
-Any questions?

Yeah, actually,
do you like the Beatles?

-What?
-You look like a Beatles fan.

Everybody loves the Beatles.

So, who do you think your
favorite Beatle is?

Aah... Ringo.

You're just saying that
to be different.

Okay, are you missing on
purpose? Like some kind of test

to see if I'm paying attention,
or something?

Fucking sun's in my eyes.

I got an extra pair of
sunglasses in the car.

No, it's fine, it's your turn.

The sights are off,
but you'll get the idea.

Wait, two hands.

What?

Two hands on the weapon.

None of that gangster shit.

Yeah, you're right,
that feels a lot better.

Are you messing with me?

You've done this before,
right?

No, but just play
a lot of Fortnite, I guess.

We're leaving.

Wait up for me.

I'm sorry about earlier.

Oh, that's not your-

Not another word.

Alright, take this.

Alright, listen up.

When we get in there,
you keep your mouth shut,

and you follow my lead,
you understand?

You do as I do.

Do as you do.

Yo!

Congratulations, Room 126.

You have won our daily raffle.

Slide it under the door,
man.

It's on one of those
giant checks, sir.

Just need you to sign for it.

Show me my money.

- Shit!
- Back, back up.

- Back up, man.
- Chill, man, chill.

Sit down.

Damn, I knew that shit
was too good to be true.

Nobody just gives
away money these days.

Who the fuck are you, man?

I'm Julian.

Ow!

We're looking for Seamus.

You tell me where he is,
I'll let you live.

I don't know where he is, man,
I swear.

You gonna make me count?

He's gonna make me count?

He's gonna make you
count.

Okay, fine.

Three, two-

Three, two-

Two comes after three.

Yeah, I know that,
but I'm doing my own count.

-Yeah, wait, it's my count.
-It's my count.

It's my count.

Okay, it's my count.

Yeah, sorry, sorry.

Three, two, one.

What kind of amateur bullshit
is this, man?

Sorry. It's still loaded.

Oh my god,
enough of this shit.

Tell me where he is.

Aye, aye, aye, chill,

he's meeting up with some
Russian buyers tonight.

I'll tell you when and where.

Good. Good.

Put it in there.
Time and address.

What the fuck is this, man?

A flip-phone.

You never heard of a
fucking iPhone?

This thing's ancient,
it's gonna take a minute.

2002 motherfucker...
in here.

Good. Grab my bag.

So, we good, right? You said you
were gonna let me live.

I lied.

Ah, come on, man.

Wait...

This isn't my bag.

Where's my hammer, my bone saw?

Bone saw?

That's what I was trying
to tell you earlier in the car.

That's my bag.

Yeah, well then, where's my bag?

You got a bear costume?

Dog collar, what the...?

What kind of ghetto-ass
bullshit is this?

No, no, I LARP.
I LARP.

-You what?
-LARP?

Yeah, it's Live Action Role
Play, okay?

Just don't tell my dad.

I'm not gonna tell your dad.

This is far too fucking
embarrassing

to tell anybody, okay?

Why did you even do this?

Give me that shit.

Seriously?

Oh, God damn it.

Find the gun!

-What?
-Find the gun!

I got it.

Uh, what do we do now?

Well, we gotta get the body
out of here.

You gotta be shitting me.

Careful.

Whoa, whoa!

-Hey, guys.
-What's up?

-Crazy night.
-Yeah, just one of those nights.

This seems... wrong.

Look, kid, you can't
have feelings about the job.

Look, here's the thing.

One of the common
mistakes that amateurs make

is that they start
getting emotional about it.

You just gotta think of
this guy as

as one of the hundreds of
thousands of people that die

every single day on this planet.

No, I was talking
about the costume...

I was hoping to get that back.

Or not, yeah,
I was gonna quit anyway.

Pardon me, Miss.
I'm looking for Benson.

Darya, how many
times do I have to tell you

to stop stuffing shit
in the blend...

Are you Benson?

So that's the thing now?

You're just gonna let
complete strangers in the house?

They're looking for you.

Well, a lot of people
are looking for me,

because I'm a fucking
crime boss.

Why don't you go watch the
Kardashians and fuck off?

Name's Freddy Darby.

It's all right,
I'm not here for you.

I'm looking for Tommy.

Okay.

I'm sorry, who's Tommy?

Six foot American.
Oddly perfect bone structure...

Tommy, you know.

Sounds gorgeous,
but I do not know Tommy.

Well, see, the thing is, Tommy,

he's gone and killed
my wife's cousin,

and she's mighty
torn up about it, as am I.

Haven't had a proper night's
sleep since,

and I was hoping
you could help me.

I... well, like my father said,

a man solves his own problems.

You know what
my father used to say?

An offer rarely
fails against a threat.

Now, I could make my
problem your problem too, see?

But then you'd get angry,
I'd get angry,

and we both know
where it goes from there.

Now, word has it
that you're a key supplier

to some gentlemen
here on the West Coast.

What if I were to offer a
generous price

on an arms shipment,

call it a friends and family
discount, mates rates,

with the possibility of
some more

business in the future,
of course.

What do you say?

With all due respect,
I... shit...

Is that a yes?

You know what?

Maybe being a hit man
is my calling.

Huh, no, all evidence thus far
points to the contrary.

I don't know, maybe it's just
been inside me this whole time,

and I've just never noticed,
you know?

Always been really
good at first person shooters,

always had a really high KD.

That's a kill death ratio?

Mmhmm.

Look, I know it's dangerous
and everything, but like...

How hard can it be,
you do it, right?

Hey, watch yourself.

Sorry.

How did you get started?

Well, I needed the money
and I took little issue

with offing bad people.

Were you any good?

I was the best.

So like, what happened?

Wow, you're really pushing it
tonight, aren't you?

I dunno, the job just kept
getting harder.

Do you have a family?

No.

That's why you were so good.

You didn't have anybody
that was worrying about you?

Like me.

Well, you've got your dad.

No, no.

He thinks I'm a
total disappointment.

I'm pretty sure he hates me.

He always says soft names
makes soft men.

Whatever that means?

So I take it your mom
named you then?

Where's she?

She died. Car accident.

It's the first dead body
I ever saw.

Yeah, I bring up my mom
all the time,

but he just finds a way
to change the subject,

and then blame everything bad

that ever's happened
to him on me.

So what about that girl
that was at your place earlier?

-Erika?
-Yeah.

What about her?

You should ask her out.
I think she likes you.

Oh, I doubt that.

Her brother beats me up
all the time.

In front of her, mainly, so.

You shouldn't
let him do that to you.

You gotta stand up for yourself,
man, come on.

Umm, I don't wanna do that.

Come with me.

Come on.

Where are we going?

Alright. What do you know?

Nothing.

Nothing?

You ever heard
of the Savage Badger?

No.

-The Gooch Scoup?
-No.

What about the
Tottenham Tickler?

Sounds fun, but no.

Okay.

You know what, we're just gonna
start with the basics, okay?

Okay, the easiest way to win
any fight,

especially when
you're weak and worthless,

is the eye poke, okay?

Okay.

That middle finger has the
most reach.

But that index finger,
that's the sturdiest, okay?

Extend them both, and out.

Poke.

-Bah!
-Bah!

Nice. Now you wanna hold it down
behind you.

Hide it till you're ready.

Nothing to see here, right?

Nothing to see here.

What, are you... hey!
Why you picking on me, bro?

- Why you picking on me?
- Why you picking on me?

They'll never know it's coming,
you know?

It's like, bam! Right?

And sometimes
when you get them in there,

you maybe dig a little deeper.

Maybe squish them around
a little.

And that is what
we call the Eye Gouge.

-All right?
-Got it.

Okay, any questions?

-No.
-You ready?

Yeah.

Okay, poke me.

-Right now?
-Yeah.

-You sure?
-Yeah.

Okay.

Nope, too slow, bro.

Gotta be aggressive,
come at me, come at me.

Nope, come on.
Gotta be aggressive.

You're a fucking killer.

Come at me.

All right, come on.

Not even close,
come on, man.

Listen, first of all,
your distance.

You gotta get closer
so that your distance-

Oh!

-God!
-Oh my, I'm so sorry.

-I'm so sorry.
-God damn it.

I didn't...
Wasn't I supposed to...

Are you good?

No, no, no, that was great,
that was great.

That was great, you got me.

Maybe we should move on.

-No.
-We should move on?

No, we are not
moving on until we master this.

We master this,
and then we move on.

-You sure?
-Yeah!

-Okay?
-Okay.

Jesus Christ.

What I was trying to
say is you wanna make sure

that the distance is
right when you get in the-

Oh! Jesus Christ!

-I'm sorry! That was bad.
-Oh, fuck!

-Sorry. I feel like I got it.
-Ooh!

We should try something else.

No, I think we're good
for the night.

-Let's try something else.
-We're done. You got it.

Should I drive?

What's actually in there?

Burger wrappers, unpaid bills,

just a bunch of shit,
it doesn't matter.

It is shut tight.
You ready to do this?

I think so. Definitely DXP.

I'm like a level
three hit man max, so.

Level three,
like I gotta level up.

Kid, isn't there something
you'd rather be doing

with your life than
talking about this nerd shit?

Like what about that gnarping,
what is it, larky?

-It's LARPing.
-LARPing, whatever the fuck.

I'm quitting anyway,
so, alright.

Why is that? Because you want
to, or your dad wants you to?

I dunno.

But you gotta understand
that your dad

is coming from a place
of being a dick.

My dad was a dick too.

He ran over my bicycle,
sold my cat to a gypsy.

Real asshole.

Alright, it's time, let's go.

Remember, we're Russian.

Hellos!

You're the Russians?

Da, I am Boris.

Eh... he is-

Boris.

You're both Boris?

Da, da, I am big Boris,
and he... retard Boris.

That's why he's so small.

One second.

Yeah, they're here.

Da!

He wants to talk to you.

Ah.

Hellos.

Is this the retarded
Boris?

Um, no, this big Boris.

You're a bit early
mate.

Ah, it makes good impression.

Nyet, I need practice English.

Ah, fair enough.

We spent a bit of time
in Petersburg.

Yeah.

Whereabouts you from
in Russia?

The Gulag.

I spent some time
in the Gulag.

Many, many, many time, yeah.

Who's your favorite
author?

Tolstoy.

Toy Story?

What?

Toy Story.
I love... Woody... yeah!

I have no fucking idea
what you're talking about.

Just come in.

Yeah, he says we go in.

Come on.

You bring the money?

I see product first, yes?

Fair enough.

Alright.

I sample?

By all means.

Oh!

Oh!

Da!

I need more sample.

Why not?

Oh! Yeah!

Don't you think
you're being a bit rude?

You gonna sample all
of this without your mate?

No, no, no, that's not good
for his retard brain.

Oh, come on, come on.

You give it a go.

Don't let him hog this,
you never know.

It might just be good for you.

Yeah, na-uh.

Yeah, okay.

Sure!

Da.

Whoo!

Shite!

Can you imagine if we
actually healed the little cunt?

Give me the money.

Hello.

Give me the code.

Ah, is a...

Da, tell Seamus we'll
be there soon.

Four...

This a joke?

All right, all right, all right,
all right.

Just take the fucking drugs,
and go, man.

We're not here for the drugs.
We're here for your brother.

-Alistair?
-Yeah.

Is this personal or
professional?

Professional! So professional.

What kind of asshole
sends a kid to a hit?

My dad, my dad's that asshole.
Huh?

My brother has gone insane,
he's no threat to anyone.

Oh yeah, then why
is he talking to the police?

Yeah, why is he talking
to the police? Huh?

Okay, why don't
you go drink some water?

-Yeah.
-I got this.

Alistair is afraid of going to
hell for all the killings.

He needed to atone.

But he's over that now,
it won't happen again.

And I've got him taking his
medi...

...cation, Jesus!

Okay, that's enough water.
That's enough, okay, come on.

- Oh.
- All right, I'll hold that.

Okay, I tell you what,
you let me see it for myself.

And if you're telling me the
truth, I'll let him go.

Fine.

-Yeah.
-All right.

God!

Hey! Hold up!

Fuck!

Come on, get in the car.

What the fuck was that?

Living life, man.

Don't ever do that again,
please.

Have you seen
an optometrist before?

I feel like you're
nearsighted or something.

What?

Yeah, because back
in the trailer,

you nailed that first guy,
you know.

But when it comes to targets at
a distance,

you've just got problems.

I think you're talking about
farsighted, not nearsighted.

Farsighted is when
you can't see near,

nearsighted is when you
can't see far, know what I mean?

Who the fuck cares,
I see just fine.

Yeah, I think it's him.

You see him?
Is that him? Is that him?

Yeah, it's him.

-Faster!
-Would you relax?

We need him to take us
to Alistair.

Lamest car chase ever.

-This is not a car chase.
-It is a car chase.

It's not a car chase.
You're high.

I feel great.

Alistair, what the hell
are you doing here?

I told you, wait at the
casino until the deal is done.

I have a question to ask you,
Seamus.

Best you tell the truth.

No, no, we don't have the time.

Alright, alright, ask the
damn question.

Did you lay with
Billy Sullivan's goat?

No, no, that was you.

You were six months in prison
for that,

I told Ma that you were
in there for robbing a bank.

But it came out in the papers.

So, please, can we go now?

No, I'm returning a purchase.

A purchase? What purchase?
This is a fucking bar.

I won't leave until
I get my money.

Alistair, there are bad people
looking for you.

What the fuck are those for?

Best you always be prepared,
little brother.

I'd like to return these,
please.

Would you at least
take your pill?

Not until my business here
is done.

Sorry, man, what am I
supposed to do with these?

You sold me
the wrong fucking box.

Alistair, please, can we go now?

Look, man, I don't know
what you're on, but...

Take the fucking condoms,
and give the man his cash.

I know you.
Shhhh...

Not a word. Just drive.

Are you serious? Does he look
like a threat to you?

Watch this.

Oh, Uncle Mickey, that tickles.

Mmhmm,
Uncle Mickey.

I wanna take Alistair
back to the UK with me.

I'm prepared to let the business
go, and disappear for good.

We can't do that.

We have to kill you
and send pictures to my dad.

Then Alistair and I will play
dead.

You take the pictures.
You send them to your dad.

Call him, tell him the job is
done. We disappear.

No one's gotta kill anyone.

No. Drive.

Okay.

Oh, really, Seamus, really?

You're gonna pull the old
grenade and pin trick?

You're gonna blow us up,
and your brother?

Better here than in the desert.

If Alistair and I are gonna go.
We're gonna go our way.

-Your guns.
-Not a chance.

Well, you can't just-

What the fuck?

So, we all agree on the
new plan.

Is that a yes?

All right.

Hey, did you get it?

Yeah.

You just push the white button.

I think it's broken.

What are you talking about?

You're recording, dude.
It's facing towards you.

Flip it around, dude.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh, okay.
- Now the white button.

Just take the fucking picture.
My neck hurts.

Should I open his mouth
like a lion?

Just play dead.

Okay. Got it.

Sweet shades.
You know it's dark out, right?

Hey, it's prescription, asshole.

Send that picture.

- Yeah
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

How do we know you're not gonna
kill us

as soon as he sends that?

Well, I'm not gonna kill you
or your friend over here.

Why not go back to your father,
and continue with the story?

I promise you,
you send the picture,

everything will be alright.

What the fuck?

Damnit.

And...

That's as far as my plan went.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I will snap his fucking neck.

Okay, wait, wait, wait.

Our gun's for your brother,
alright?

And then we all leave.

I'm not saying
we won't come after you,

but it'll be like a reset.

Okay, you got one gun.

I'll give you the gun,
you give me my brother.

Bring me his gun.

Show me it's loaded.

Give me the gun,
give me the gun.

On the count of three.

Alright.

-Three.
-One.

No, one.

-One, two, three.
-One, two, three.

Alistair!

God damn it.

Come on.

Tommy!

What?

They're prescription, asshole.

-I don't know how...
-Shoot the little bastard.

Are you seriously
trying to shoot a kid?

He tried to poke me
fucking eye out!

Tommy!

Tommy, you gotta do something,
man!

Ah, shit.

Ah, the hell with it.

Yes! I told you.

Move.

Get back, get back.

Okay, listen up.

You take this, there are
six bullets left in there.

I want you to cover for me,
while I go get that gun.

-You sure?
-Yeah.

Cover me!

-You got this?
-Yeah.

You're doing great.
And go!

Get in! Get in!

Kid, you okay?

That was awesome.

Indeed it was.

Whoa.

Indeed it was.

Alistair?

Our father was a drunken turd
with a hickory cane.

Alistair bore the brunt of it,
so that I didn't have to.

He was a good man.

He was a great brother.

Well, we don't have a priest.

Could you say a few words?

Uhm...

Strawberry's aren't berries.

They're not?

No, but bananas are.

Something with seeds,
I don't know. It's weird.

What?

I'm coming for you, Tommy Ward.

You did good, kid.

What's up?

I don't know. You just,
you remind me of someone.

Stand up for a second.

I hereby knight you

Honorary Hitman, level 10.

I mean, I mean that
is if you still wanna be one.

What?

Nothing, I just,

I guess I've just never
really... won anything before.

Ah in real life, anyways.

Well, now you have.

And I think we should
go tell your old man about it.

Come on.

Julian, there's something
I gotta tell you.

I'm leaving.

Yeah.

I lied last night when
you asked me if I had a family.

I met a girl a
long time ago in London.

Moved overseas, we got married,
and we had a kid.

Oliver's his name,
he's still there.

Now she, is about to get married
to a gym teacher

and I need to put a
stop to that real quick.

-Why?
-Because he sucks.

Alright, so, um,
when do you have to leave?

Well, I guess that's up to him.

Hey, there he is!
Welcome back, Bubs.

- Thanks.
- Hey, Tom.

-Let me show you.
-What you got?

I am really proud of you, son.

Nice. Yeah, it was
freaking awesome.

Tommy and I are just gonna
have a quick chat,

just wait in the office.

Take your time.

Out.

-But I...
-Out.

Don't forget to turn off oven.

Don't forget to go
to that soul bicycle shit.

Of course you
don't have it.

- Is this?
- Yup,

you're going back to London.

Tonight?

And I'm giving you $40,000
because you're gonna need it.

You just remind me to
give it to you before you go.

Thank you,
truly, thank you.

Do me a favor, thank me when you
get there, okay?

I'm gonna go talk to my son
right now,

and pour yourself a drink,
and I'll be back to join you.

Alright. Hey, Ben.

He's a good kid.
He's a really good kid.

Okay.

You know, it seems like
yesterday,

I was telling people
you wouldn't amount to shit.

"My son is a useless bitch."

"A bum."

But all that's in the past.

Something happened to
you while you were gone, Julian.

You became a man.

This gun belonged to your
grandfather.

He was a great man.

Just like you're gonna become.

Welcome to the family business,
son.

There's just one more thing
I need you to do for me.

Listen up.

I have a new business partner.

His name is Freddy Darby,
and he wants to meet you.

Now, as you know,
first impressions count.

Sure. I'll do my best.

Great, and you'll already have
a leg up

because you're gonna bring
him Tommy.

Right.

Ahh, what do you mean by that?

Once Darby's done with Tommy,

he's gonna bring you
to the guns.

That's when you're gonna
call me.

Now, I've already paid
for the weapons,

so it's imperative-

Okay, sorry, sorry, I...
I don't understand.

Tommy killed a member of
Freddy Darby's family, Julian.

That's how he ended up here.

That's why he had to leave
London.

Okay, so it must have been
like his son,

or his brother or something?

-It's not relevant, Julian.
-Okay.

Um, listen, Tommy's my friend.

Tommy's not your friend, Julian.

He just told me that he
couldn't wait to get rid of you.

He told me that he had to do
all the work,

while you hid
and plucked your vagina.

He said that.

He tried to sell you
out the second he got me alone.

Why would he do something
like that?

Why? I mean, to make himself
look good,

to hit me up for more money.

He just asked me for
an additional $40,000

on top of what I already
paid him.

I spent my entire
life around hit men, Julian.

At best, they're scumbags.

At worst, they're Tommy.

Can I count on you
to do what needs to be done?

Absolutely.

My motherfucking bubby.

Well, Julian wants to help you
pack

so he can spend more time with
you before you leave.

Okay. Yeah.

I'll just drop him back off
tonight.

-Yep, sure.
-Alright.

Oh, and I believe there's
a mention of cash.

Yes, here's the extra $40,000
that you asked for.

Oh, okay.

Alright then, come on,
kiddo.

The last day in LA.

Somehow I hate it less
now that I'm leaving.

You okay?

Yeah, it's nothing.

Yeah?
You miss your girlfriend?

You miss your girlfriend?

I don't want to talk about it.

-Okay?
-Alright. Alright.

What are we doing?

Normally, I'd never let anyone
do this, but...

Have you ever driven stick?

-What?
-Hop out.

- What? Really?
- Yeah! Really.

Okay. Here we go.

I'll handle the stick.

You handle the clutch,
that's on your left.

Push that in.

Alright, press in on the clutch.

We're in first.
Now just ease off the clutch.

Ease down the accelerator.

Okay. Fire it back up,
come on.

Ease off the clutch.

Okay, easy! Oh, okay.
Easy.

Put it in second.

Okay, I got you. Clutch.

There you go. Okay.

There you go. Look at that.

-What do you think?
-She's a freaking classic.

Why are you stopping?

Oh, shit.

You wait here.

Hey! Tommy!

It's good to see you, lad.

Look at you, Tommy.

Look at this fucking place.

Fucking hell.

I'll be lucky if
I don't catch hepatitis.

Oh, fuck off, Freddy.

You did well, boy-o.

It's been a pleasure doing
business with you.

And you can tell your father
that he's held up his end,

and we'll take you to the
shipment after we're done here.

You got it?

Yeah.

Good, lad.
Now go wait in the car.

Is that a fucking hamburger?

Look at us, Tommy.

Two old pals reunited,

which is why I didn't understand

why you couldn't have
just come to me

in the first place.

And I came to the conclusion
that it is because you are scum.

And if you had even
the slightest shred of honor,

you would have fessed up
right away

to killing my wife's nephew.

Cousin.

Family is not to be taken
lightly.

So now what?

Hey!

What about my family?

Your family's fine.

We've been watching them to see
if you'd try and make contact.

Did you know that
your wife is remarrying?

Your son fucking loves him.

I can't believe that my son is
being brainwashed

by a fucking gym teacher.

Oh come off it. He's just a
decent man who's good with kids

and a far better
father than you'd have been.

And you'd be able to see that
if you weren't such a miserable

self obsessed shit.

Right.

Have you dyed your
fucking beard?

Hello, ladies.

What the fuck?

He's mine.

Like hell he is.
He killed one of my family.

Killed me brother.
What he kill of yours?

My wife's nephew.

Or cousin, or something.

Brother trumps cousin.

Says who?

Say's fucking everybody.

He's got a point, Freddy.

Well, wait, when did he
kill your brother?

Last night.

Well, he killed my
relation a year ago,

so I've got priority.

I hate to downplay
your grief.

But if someone killed me
wife's cousin,

I just won't be that upset.

I'd shrug my shoulders
and move on.

I wouldn't waste a year of my

fuck'n life tracking down
the killer.

Thank you.

Anyway, neither of us
are gonna kill the cunt.

He needs death by suicide.

-Wait, what?
-Why suicide?

Because I want him to go hell.

Suicide is the only
thing that guarantees it.

Is a bunch of horse shite,
in my opinion.

Okay, so, he shoots
himself first, in the chest.

Then I shoot him again
before he dies.

That's not fuck'n suicide,
is it?

Do I get a say in this?

- No!
- No.

Okay, I shoot him in
his kneecaps,

then he shoots himself
in the head.

Not the kneecaps.
He might pass out from the pain.

What about ah...

his feet and his hands?

Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Back up. Back up!

Easy, easy, easy, you fools.

Fucking easy.

Here we go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, easy.

And God, said, "Let
there be light."

Aaaah!

Fuck.

Tommy?

Tommy?

Hello there. I know you.

Mohammed, right?

What? No.

Shit.

Alright, it's going to London,
I just to know how much

it's going to be to ship it.

Now, this is a classic car,
and I just wanna know you guys

are gonna take proper
care of it.

It's a '69 Grand Prix.

Why is that funny?

I gotta call you back.

Hello?

Tommy.

Alistair?

I'd like to resume our
conversation.

You need to die for what you did
to me brother, Seamus.

Yeah, I'm gonna have
to take a hard pass on that.

I've got a flight to catch.

You do as I say,
or else I kill Mohammed.

Who?

- Mohammed.
- The Prophet of Islam.

No, you cunt, the boy with the
stupid fucking haircut.

He was there when you
killed my brother.

No, no. Hey, Alistair,
you let him go.

He had nothing to do with this.

You try to tell that to him.

I'll meet you where you killed
me brother, you got an hour.

Alistair- God dammit!

I know you can hear me, asshole,

and I need you to
listen to me very carefully.

Alistair killed Darby
and his men.

Alistair.

You said he was dead.
You showed me the picture.

Yeah, I know, and you can feel

bad about being a
dumb fuck later,

but right now your only concern
is that Alistair has your son.

He took Julian. I need you to
talk to him and tell him

that you are the one
that sent us to kill him.

And then maybe he'll let
Julian go.

Just, hold... back the fuck up.
So Darby's dead?

That's not the issue here.

Darby has a million
fucking dollars of my money.

It's the only issue here.

Are you listening to me?

Alistair's about to kill your
son.

Julian lost a million of my
dollars

and I have no
freaking guns to show for it.

He ought to kill his
fucking self.

And for your information,
A man solves his own-

Fuck you, Benny.

Hello?

God damn it!

You're a monster.

Get the fuck out of here.

Okay.

Why don't you cook then, huh?

Solve your own problem.

Well, Mohammed.

It's been nearly an hour,

I suppose your friend's
not coming.

You don't know that.

I also suppose you'd be wanting
a proper Muslim burial.

But sadly for you I'll be
tossing your body

in a sewer pipe behind Denny's.

Come here, little pig.

Can you feel that?

All the blood rushing.

Knowing your time has come.

Now.

On the count of 10,
you pull the fucking trigger.

Okay, if you're trying to make
me commit suicide, dude,

I really don't think this
counts.

You're gonna do it
if I don't make you?

You suicidal?

Uh, I guess I'm
still in the cry for help stage.

Shut your gob,
you fucking donut.

Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Hey, Alistair, no!

Now...

Let him go!

This just got interesting.

Julian, you okay?

Yeah, all good.

Are you here to finally pay
for what you did to me brother?

Yes, so long as you let the
boy go.

Very well.

I take it you brought your own
weapon.

How do I know
you're gonna let him go?

- Make a blood pact.
- What?

No, no, no,
you don't have to do that.

Tommy] No, just cut
the zip ties.

Crazy fuck.

Alright, let's do this.

Tommy!

Ah, get up, you fucking cunt.
I know you're wearing a vest.

Damnit.

Now, in the fucking head,
please.

Tommy, don't do it.

Hey, what about your son?

Nah, he's better off without me.

The truth is, so are you, kid.

I am a less than ideal father.

Shit, I'm not even that good
at this killing stuff anymore.

Remember when you
asked me about what happened

and I told you that the
job just kept getting harder?

Well, the truth is,

I'm just getting older.

I thought lying to myself would
make me feel better, but,

just like that guy that my ex is
about to marry, Ricky.

Ricky's not such a bad guy,
Ricky is...

He's a gym teacher, Ollie will
be all right with him.

Can we cut the kumbaya shite?

I want you to promise me
something.

I don't want you to listen to
any of that horrible shit

your dad says about you.
You're a good kid, you hear me?

You're a good kid.

You trust your gut

and you do what's good for you,
do you hear me?

And if he gives
you trouble, you tell him

that your dead uncle
Tommy told him to get fucked.

Tommy, Tommy,
I don't want you to die.

Well, here's the thing, I can't
let you go dying either.

Here we go.

You stupid fucking scrotum.

I didn't know there
were no bullets left in there.

Well, did you bring another gun?

Ah, no.

Neither did I.

Wait! What caliber are you?

Nine millimeter.

Perfect.

Okay, okay, okay, we don't need
to be doing that, buddy.

Was that the Tottenham Tickler?

Oh, yeah.

Where the hell did you
learn that?

Urban dictionary, dude.

That was nice.

Just looked it up, man.

For a second there,

I didn't think you were actually
going to come.

Yeah, I...

Fuck'n poofs.

Julian!

Tommy! Tommy!

[dramatic music plays

Would you stop shooting my car!

This guy won't fucking die!

Shalala!

You alright?

No, he shot me in the arm.

What do we do now?

Alistair!

Alistair!

What?

Seamus told me some things
before he died!

About your father!

He told me,

he told me about some of
the things that he did to you.

About the hickory cane.

He was a real mean old bastard,
that one.

Him and Uncle Mickey.

I took that hickory cane

and I shoved it straight down
his throat.

Took his insides out with it.

Yeah, he left that part out.

he said was?

He said, he said you tell
my brother,

I'll see him soon.

Oh!

Oh, yeah!

Julian!

Ju...

Julian!

Oh my God,
that was incredible.

Yeah!

Ow! Watch that arm,
watch that arm!

There you go.

Wow!

-Is he dead?
-I don't know.

No!

Oh God!

I see the light.
I see...

That's the sun, Alistair.

God, is that you?

Father, I see...

Is there anything you'd
like me to ask?

Ah.

No, I think we're good.

Yeah.

-Yeah?
-Alright, that's it.

Finally. Yeah.

I'm sorry about the
car, I think it's broken.

Nah, it's fine.

It's too expensive to
ship back anyway.

You were actually gonna
ship it back to London?

Yeah, it's a classic.

Okay. You think my
dad's gonna be pissed?

Hey, can I ask you for
a favor?

Tristan Trollslayer.

Are you here to
carry my chamber pot?

No, I'm here to end
your reign of terror, Bobby.

Hear that, boys?

What kind of sorcery is this?

Aaaah!

Ah!

What the fuck,
Julian?

That was sick, Julian.

Protect our fallen leader!

Charge!

Retreat! Retreat!

Retreat!

What are you doing?

Casting a spell.

The fuck are you doing that for?

Lightning bolt!
Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!

What the hell?

Sorry, guys.

Mm-mm! Mm-mm!

Oh, fuck this...
Ah!

Enough! We yield.

Hey, what the hell
is that?

Did you think this was
real or...?

Never mind, it's... good job.

-Thanks.
-Yeah.

We won. We won.

Go on.

Hey, Erika.

Hey, Julian.

Maybe you wanna go to
a movie or something sometime?

Yeah.

Okay, kiddos, today, we are
gonna learn about self defense.

Alright now, it's a dangerous
world out there,

and in these crazy times,
we need to know

how to defend ourselves.

Now, who of you can tell me

what this is for?

Dad?

Uh, how are you, Tom?

Yeah, fuck off, Ricky.

Hey, buddy!

I didn't think you were
ever coming back.

Yeah, I know,
but I spoke to your mom,

and we figured
a few things out, okay?

We're gonna get to see
a lot more of each other.

Things are gonna be
different now.

You okay with that?

That's a good boy.

Now.

Alright, enough of this whistle
shit.

Who here has heard of the
Eye Gouge?

Come on, honey. Where are you
gonna go, you sad sack of shit?

You're a disgusting little man.

I'm just being my authentic
self. I'm finding my truth.

Fine...
Then, shalom, motherfucker!

Fucking Darya!

All right, a man solves his
own problem.

Come on. You want this.
You want this?

You wanna come get some?

Come, blithering...

Oh!