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ALARM BLARES, STOPS
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I don't remember
setting an alarm.
3
00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:08,197
HE GRUNTS
4
00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:09,837
MUSIC: Born To Be
Ready by Tristan Ivemy
5
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COCK CROWS Oh.
6
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This programme contains
some strong language
7
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Mm?
8
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:19,517
Oh.
9
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:20,717
Uh. THUMP!
10
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CUTLERY WHOOSHES
11
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:24,680
Oh...
12
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:26,757
Huh!
13
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,317
CRUNCHING, GROAN
14
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:29,720
Ooh!
15
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,717
Oh, my God.
16
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,197
Yah!
17
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:37,520
Oh! DING!
18
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,360
Oh! HE INHALES DEEPLY
19
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:45,960
Fuck off!
20
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:49,557
Morning, world!
21
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:50,837
Nothing like fresh air.
22
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,837
DOG YAPS Ooh -
Staffordshire terrier.
23
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,397
How do I know dog breeds?!
24
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,717
HE CHUCKLES
25
00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,077
♪ It's such a
crazy, crazy feeling
26
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,637
♪ I get weak in the knees
27
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:03,877
♪ My poor old head is a-reelin'
28
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,280
♪ As I go deep into
the funnel of love
29
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,517
♪ Here I go, falling
down, down, down
30
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:14,877
♪ My mind is a blank
31
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:18,357
♪ My head is spinning
around and around
32
00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:22,520
♪ As I go deep into
the funnel of love
33
00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:28,157
♪ Deep into the funnel of love
34
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:32,357
♪ Deep into the
funnel of love... ♪
35
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,477
Shit me up!
36
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,357
Why does the flat look so good?
37
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,477
Why do I want to lick the floor?
38
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,877
Ah. Yeah. I cleaned.
39
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,357
Because I knew your
dad was coming around.
40
00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:45,757
Aww! Thank you! I love it.
41
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:47,157
♪ I love it... ♪ Ooh.
42
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,837
♪ I really, really love it. ♪
43
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,437
What are you doing?
44
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,837
Why can't you dance? Oh, er...
45
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,320
I baked you croissants!
46
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,877
Oh! Oh, my God. Fresh!
47
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,437
Er, what's our estate
agent doing here?
48
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,840
Oh, no, it's just me.
49
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:03,877
It's Jamma.
50
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,997
I know, right? And - he cleaned!
51
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:08,157
You're welcome.
52
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:09,397
DOORBELL, SHE GASPS
53
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,317
OK. That's my daddy. Um...
54
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:15,117
Just so you know, I haven't come
out to my dad as straight yet,
55
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,837
so maybe just
don't say anything.
56
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,517
Thank you! Huh?
57
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,037
I'm coming, Daddy!
58
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,437
ISAAC SNIFFS
59
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:22,840
Are you wearing Brut?
60
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,157
Quite.
61
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,197
So, how's my little lesbian?
62
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,397
Oh, you know me - just
fixing things, hiking,
63
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,997
kissing up the gyal dem. Oh.
64
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,837
I am so proud of you. Hm.
65
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:39,957
By being your authentic self,
66
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,797
you hold space for all of us to
be our authentic selves, too.
67
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,877
Happy Father's Day, Dad.
68
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,397
I see you, Winnie.
69
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,157
You are so loved.
70
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,117
Wow.
71
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,157
Can you be our dad?
Not unless you're gay.
72
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,597
Huh?
73
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,917
Hi, I'm Isaac. Ah, Isaac.
74
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,317
The talented artist with a
bright future ahead of him!
75
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,837
And I'm Jamma.
76
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:03,477
Nice to meet you, Jamma.
77
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:04,557
Oh, OK.
78
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,397
So, you boys doing
anything for Father's Day?
79
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,877
Ah, no, we don't really believe
in that kind of thing. Yeah.
80
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,317
You don't believe
in Father's Day?
81
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,597
We don't believe in fathers.
82
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,757
Nah, I love my dad.
83
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:16,677
What? What?
84
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,797
I... I just said I love my dad.
85
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,877
Why would you say that?
I don't know, I...
86
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,437
I'm going to spend the
day father-son bonding!
87
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,157
You don't even know
where he lives.
88
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,317
Sounds lovely. What
are you thinking?
89
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,797
I have no idea.
90
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,840
CLATTERING Looks like you do.
91
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,080
I'm coming, Dad!
92
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,677
Oh, great. What
am I going to do?
93
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,800
Well, you can spend the day with
us - playing Guzzle Gobblers.
94
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,400
WHISPERS: Is that
a lesbian thing?
95
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,240
Um... So, yeah, you can be
honest. You ARE the publisher.
96
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,517
I mean, obviously,
it's not finished. Mm.
97
00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:00,077
The last chapter
needs... er, finishing.
98
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,237
Oh, it - starting.
99
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,237
I'm using my relationships
as, like, um...
100
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,437
As like a case study.
101
00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:07,837
On liking younger men.
102
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:10,997
No, no. No, no... No,
that's not what it's about.
103
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,160
Oh.
104
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,677
I love the play
on the word "gay".
105
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,840
Um, no, that's a
typo of my name.
106
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:20,280
Oh. All right.
107
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:22,517
Um...
108
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,357
Is there a case study
of a relationship
109
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,237
where there isn't a
parent-child dynamic?
110
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,077
Um... Uh, sorry?
No, there's not.
111
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,837
There's... What?
112
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,517
A p-parent...
113
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,637
S... Parent-child dynamic?
114
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,957
Yeah. Oh...
115
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,437
Oh, no, please take it. Thanks.
116
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,877
Uh, hey, Jamma, how you doing?
Listen, I can't talk right now.
117
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,637
Oh, no. I'm just calling
because it's Father's Day.
118
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,557
Not cos you're my father. Because
I want my father from you.
119
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,597
What? Sorry. Do you
have my dad's address?
120
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,237
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'll
text it to you. Great.
121
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,837
Thank you. Listen,
I was wondering
122
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,837
if you wanted to, um,
schedule in a check-in.
123
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,037
Yeah, no, we could do that.
124
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,597
Listen, I've got to
go - I'm with Nigel.
125
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,477
Oh, OK. With Nigel? Sorry
- just you two, or...?
126
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,357
Yeah, yeah. We're
touching base. T-Touching?
127
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:02,517
Which base?
128
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,157
What? What? OK, I got to go.
Yeah, no, no, sorry, yeah.
129
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:06,797
Have a good day, Dad. GUY!
130
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,320
PHONE BEEPS
131
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,000
Yeah, I... I'll do a redraft.
132
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,160
PHONE PINGS
133
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,440
13.5?
134
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,640
HE MUTTERS
135
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,280
Hm?
136
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:37,440
Hm.
137
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,077
SAIF GRUNTS
138
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,240
Oh, shit!
139
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,080
Dad?
140
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,360
I can see you.
141
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,840
OK. Whoa!
142
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,357
Guzzle, guzzle.
143
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:51,757
Yeah. Gobble, gobble. Oh!
144
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,717
That's right, keep going.
And then round and round.
145
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,197
And then, boom!
146
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:57,277
Isaac, your run is so good.
147
00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:58,437
Gobble, gobble, gobble!
148
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,317
I didn't know Father's
Day could be so fun.
149
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,317
Does anyone else get sweaty
when they're being competitive?
150
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,637
Can we smell test?
You're good. Thank you.
151
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,077
If it weren't for
you being a lesbian,
152
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,517
I'd think you two were a couple.
153
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,677
Everyone always says that!
We're not a... Married couple.
154
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,117
Oh, Daddy, no milk for Isaac
cos it makes him gassy.
155
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,957
No sugar for Winnie,
makes her hyper.
156
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:16,637
He doesn't like
it when I'm hyper.
157
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,797
She does like it
when I'm gassy. I do.
158
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,437
Doops! WINNIE LAUGHS
159
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,517
How is your love life, Winnie?
160
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,880
Eurgh, men are trash.
161
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:29,077
And women... are trash.
162
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,157
Everyone's trash.
163
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,840
You liked Ian.
164
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,397
Ian? Er, V... BOTH: Viv...
165
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:36,877
Vivian. Vivian, yeah.
166
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,117
Er, no, it didn't work.
167
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:44,117
I mean, she was so emotionally
intelligent, as women are,
168
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,637
which is why I'm
attracted to them.
169
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,877
You know, for love and sex.
170
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,357
Winnie? Yeah. My bag
strap has broken.
171
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:55,037
Oh. Do you have any carabiners?
172
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,197
Er, as in pasta?
173
00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:00,720
I knew it! What in the
heterosexual hell is going on?
174
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,637
MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO
175
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,440
I love what you've
done with the place.
176
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,277
Happy Father's Day.
177
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:11,997
No, thanks.
178
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,160
What?
179
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:15,757
Why you have selfie stick?
180
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,837
Oh, no, this is a
fishing rod, Dad.
181
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:21,637
Because I was hoping you
could take me fishing.
182
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,400
You need fish? N...
no, I don't need fish.
183
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,397
Did your mum send you? No. No, no.
I'm not signing divorce papers.
184
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,037
And I am not getting involved.
You always get involved.
185
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,437
Yeah, well, I'm a
different person now.
186
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,477
We should go, huh?
187
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:38,720
If we head west, we can catch the
mackerel before the tide turns.
188
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:43,520
What is this?
189
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,920
Why are you dressed like wanker?
190
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,317
Do you mean banker?
191
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:54,720
OK. I'm dressed like a grown-up
because I'm a grown-up now.
192
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:58,000
So, what do you say? A
bit of father-son bonding?
193
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,757
Ah, I tried. That's... Yeah.
194
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,840
Have a good day,
Dad. Sit down, Jamal.
195
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,877
It's time I told
you a little story.
196
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,357
I don't need stories,
Dad. I'm not six.
197
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:14,037
Story with pictures.
198
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,640
Yeah. Go on, then.
199
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,437
There was once...
200
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:20,960
...a bullfighter.
201
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,680
CROWD CHEERS
202
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:32,477
He was the greatest bullfighter
in the whole of Karachi.
203
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,157
There's bullfighters
in Pakistan?
204
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,597
Don't talk through the movie.
205
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,237
Sorry.
206
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,560
BULL GRUNTS
207
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,157
You should have seen
him, never lost a fight
208
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,157
and very strikingly good-looking
209
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,877
with vigorous body.
210
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,120
BULL GROANS
211
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,837
CROWD CHEERS
212
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,477
The crowds loved him,
213
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,397
but then one day
he met a bull...
214
00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,200
BULLFIGHTER GASPS
..like no other.
215
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:06,197
BULL GROANS FEROCIOUSLY
216
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,797
This bull had fire in her eyes.
217
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,037
BULLFIGHTER GASPS CROWD BOOS
218
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:12,877
You bring shame on our town.
219
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,117
Why are they so mean to her?
220
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,357
She was a three-time divorcee,
221
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,437
but even worse, an
actress! Wait, what?
222
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,157
My name is Farida Bullshiddy,
223
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,477
and I do as I please.
224
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:25,757
FARIDA GRUNTS
225
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,600
BULLFIGHTER SCREAMS
226
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,560
Prepare to die!
227
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,757
He wanted to fight,
but he couldn't.
228
00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,437
He was hypnotised
by her fire eyes.
229
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,117
FAIRDA GRUNTS
230
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,440
All he could do was sing.
231
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:56,317
What a beautiful voice.
232
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,677
I forgot why I was angry.
233
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,237
♪ My Tuesday
234
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:05,277
♪ You are my Miss Tuesday
235
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,920
♪ I miss you, Miss Tuesday... ♪
236
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:11,677
What was that?
237
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,117
Careful Whisker. Michael George.
238
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,797
No, it wasn't. So, why are
you telling me the story?
239
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,757
Better than fishing. It
doesn't even make sense.
240
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,277
A female bull is a cow.
241
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,957
Am I telling the story or
you? Unfortunately, you.
242
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,637
Look, I just came round for
some father-son bonding,
243
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,117
but clearly you just
care about yourself.
244
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,040
Don't you want to hear
the part about you?
245
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,037
When's that bit?
246
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:41,477
After song. No, Dad, please...
♪ Oh, Wednesday, dear Wednesday
247
00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:45,237
♪ Oh, why aren't you
Tuesday? Oh, no... ♪
248
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,717
Why can't you be more
like Winnie's dad?
249
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,077
What do you mean you're not gay?
250
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,837
I'm sorry, Dad, I wanted
to tell you sooner.
251
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,117
So you're straight?
252
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,280
Oh.
253
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,037
Is it a phase? No.
254
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:02,117
How can you expect me to be on
board with this... this lifestyle?
255
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,277
You told her to be
her authentic self.
256
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,397
If her authentic self was gay!
257
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,237
It's all making sense now.
258
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,237
The Eat, Pray, Love DVD.
259
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,357
The DVDs! They're Isaac's.
260
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,757
They're mine.
261
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,517
Have you ever even
been with a woman?
262
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,757
Freshers' week, at
uni, I kissed a girl.
263
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,397
After how many drinks?
264
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,117
Six. Oh, God! It's
worse than I thought.
265
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,477
But I love watching Queer Eye.
266
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:24,837
That's the strangest
thing you've ever said.
267
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:26,717
I can't help it if
I like dick, Dad!
268
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,560
You don't get to
call me Dick Dad!
269
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,317
You knew the deal
when you booked me.
270
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,077
Booked? Wait, is he
not your real dad?
271
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:39,037
I will be reporting this to
daddydaysforlonelygays.com.
272
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,240
No! I hope you're proud,
because I certainly am not.
273
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,597
No... No!
274
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,640
No, no! No, please... Oh!
275
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,800
No, Dad! Please!
276
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,160
Guzzle Gobblers is
only for lesbians.
277
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:09,197
Daddydays... forlonelygays.com?
278
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,917
I rented him. You
can rent a dad?
279
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,477
Well, they volunteer as
dads for LGBTQ+ people
280
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,197
whose real dads
have disowned them.
281
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,677
My dad did leave,
but I don't qualify.
282
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,320
Oh, Winnie.
283
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,237
Shit. Yeah.
284
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:29,957
To be honest, he wasn't as angry
285
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,717
as the guy from
Fathers 4 Justice.
286
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,920
That got ugly. Mm.
287
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,080
I didn't know your
dad left. Yeah.
288
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,080
Dads are so shit, aren't they?
289
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,280
They really are.
290
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,477
At least we've got each other.
291
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:57,640
Yeah.
292
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:21,560
Do you want a cup of tea?
293
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:30,877
Don't worry, it's
halal. Oh, thanks.
294
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,120
You like it, huh? Not too
much chilli in there, huh?
295
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:39,677
Mm!
296
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:40,840
It's delicious.
297
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,760
HE GULPS
298
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,197
So, the bull and the
bullfighter, they... Yeah.
299
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,877
They fell in love.
Yeah. And... and then?
300
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,157
The end.
301
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,917
What do you mean, the end? You
said there was a bit with me.
302
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,197
Oh, yes. Er, er, then
they... got together,
303
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,317
fell in love and had egg.
304
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,200
Egg? Egg.
305
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:05,757
Am I the egg?
306
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,077
Maybe.
307
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,157
The egg was most
precious to them.
308
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,837
BULLFIGHTER FUSSES
309
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,877
SMOOCHING Aw.
310
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:19,317
BULLFIGHTER: Ohh!
He's so cute. Mmm.
311
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,157
Wait, they're eating the egg!
312
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,597
SAIF: That's a different egg.
313
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,677
Lunch break. But...
But that's confusing.
314
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,397
Can they not eat something else?
315
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,357
They like eggs. Unbelievable.
316
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,637
But they weren't happy for long.
317
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:34,117
The townspeople, they didn't
like bull and bullfighter
318
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,677
living together in harmony.
319
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,597
FARIDA: Oh! Oh, oh!
320
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,717
I'm not safe in this land.
321
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:42,437
We need to leave.
322
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,797
But the bullfighter
couldn't just leave.
323
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:48,357
He had a career,
respect, holiday pay.
324
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:49,837
Wow, Dad. Priorities.
325
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:52,517
Then, one day, the
bullfighter woke up.
326
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,357
The bull was gone.
She had taken the egg!
327
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:56,837
So you followed her?
328
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,640
I wish it was that easy.
329
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,437
Purpose of your visit to the UK?
330
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,037
Er, egg?
331
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:06,197
How do you plan on sustaining
yourself during your trip?
332
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,320
Egg?
333
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,957
Do you intend to return
from the UK? Yes.
334
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,797
Do you have any
family in the UK? Yes.
335
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,280
So you don't intend
to return? No.
336
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,077
How do you plan on making
money? Bullfighter.
337
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,240
OFFICER LAUGHS In the UK?
338
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,917
Are you aware your status
will deny your right to work?
339
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,837
What was the colour of the
vehicle you travelled in?
340
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,397
Orange. Who was the first
Englishman in space?
341
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,157
What was Winston Churchill's
favourite breakfast?
342
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,397
How tall was the Duke of Wellington?
Who designed the cenotaph?
343
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,637
How do you make a shepherd's pie?
What colour are the buses in Leeds?
344
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:40,677
Why did your wife leave you?
345
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,997
Mr Jamshidi, your
history of denied visa
346
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,837
is a cause for suspicion.
347
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:49,037
Suspicion. Suspicion! Suspicion!
348
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,757
Please,
349
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,120
no more questions!
350
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,880
I haven't seen my little
egg in three years.
351
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:00,960
He needs me!
352
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,720
I'll do anything to see my egg.
353
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,717
Ah, the bullfighter.
354
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:12,077
So brave, so fearless.
355
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,397
But oh, dear.
356
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:18,200
The red of his cape like
a target on his back.
357
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,560
I can unburden
you from yourself.
358
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,040
I need to see my egg.
359
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,120
Please, it's been so many years.
360
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,757
They won't let me see my egg.
361
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,157
Swines,
362
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,797
if only you were someone else...
363
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:44,117
...someone who could slip
into a new land unnoticed.
364
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,640
I'd be happy to help.
365
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,360
For a price, of course.
366
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:53,880
I'll do it.
367
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,117
Well, that was easy.
368
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,040
HE CHUCKLES
369
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,877
So, you see, Jamal, to come here,
I had to become someone else,
370
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,280
someone invisible.
371
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,080
But it worked out
in the end, right?
372
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,360
You got your family back.
373
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,677
What does a bull
want with a mouse?
374
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,037
I was a disappointment to her.
375
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:23,157
Well...
376
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:24,877
What about your little egg?
377
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,637
By the time I arrived,
egg had hatched.
378
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,037
Hatched? Into what?
379
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:31,400
Silly boy.
380
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:40,517
None of us recognised each
other. Strangers in the country.
381
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:41,960
Strangers to each other.
382
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,357
OK, OK, so we need to
get your old self back.
383
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:47,880
OK, I know where to go.
384
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,437
No. What do you mean, no?
385
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,157
Dad, if you were a bullfighter
again, Mum would take you back.
386
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:55,920
You wouldn't have
to live like this.
387
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,237
It's too late.
388
00:18:58,320 --> 00:18:59,997
What, so you're just
going to give up now?
389
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,160
No, I gave up a long time ago.
390
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,800
Great.
391
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,560
Yeah, great. OK.
392
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,237
You know, what was the
point of you making
393
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,357
all those sacrifices
to come to this country
394
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,640
if when you came here, you
were a shit dad anyway?
395
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,797
You never taught
me how to shave,
396
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,717
or ride a bike,
397
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,917
or tie a tie.
398
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,757
Answer is not selfie
stick. It's a fishing rod.
399
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,077
Don't lose yourself.
400
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,037
Do you think I want to
dress like this, Dad?
401
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:38,597
No, I'm doing this because
I don't want to lose
402
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:42,117
the one person that
makes me feel valued
403
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,957
and safe and loved.
404
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,040
Something I should
have felt from YOU!
405
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:50,840
I'm sorry.
406
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,080
What?
407
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,000
I'm sorry, Jamal.
408
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:10,560
It's not too late for you.
409
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,757
Don't make the
same mistake I did.
410
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,160
Go, while there's still time.
411
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,477
Don't be wanker. OK, you
definitely said wanker.
412
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,680
Go! OK, right. Um... Er...
413
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:36,877
Oh, shit.
414
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,360
DOG BARKS
415
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,917
Blood moon, blood
moon. Move, move, move!
416
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,320
It's a blood moon!
417
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,560
Sorry, sorry. Wanker!
Terribly sorry, sir!
418
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,320
Ohh.
419
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,600
PHONE VIBRATES
420
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,837
Hey. Hi. Yeah, listen, I've
been doing some thinking,
421
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,997
and I think I end up playing
the same role in relationships.
422
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,437
Well, yeah, no,
of course you do,
423
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,760
because I have made
you my dad, right?
424
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,837
Er, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
425
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,437
Um, listen, listen, I'm
sorry about earlier, OK?
426
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:22,597
I'm on this writing deadline.
427
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,877
I've got to visit my family
tomorrow for my dad's birthday.
428
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,437
I thought your dad was
dead. No, yeah, he is.
429
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:27,797
It's a whole thing.
I hate doing it.
430
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:29,077
You should go.
431
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,317
If we don't get to
know our parents,
432
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,717
we just end up
becoming them, right?
433
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,077
Hey, you could use it as a
research trip for your book.
434
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,357
Listen, I really have to go.
435
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:41,157
Er, have you... have you
been doing some therapy?
436
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,037
No, I'm just making sure
I'm not getting with you
437
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:44,520
in order to fix myself.
438
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,757
Um, OK. Er, crazy idea.
439
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,237
Do you want to come with
me? To your parents?
440
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:55,957
Yeah. I mean, it might be good
441
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:57,357
to have someone there
who understands me.
442
00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,797
Yes, yes, I'd love to.
Ah, but you'd have to...
443
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:03,037
You'd have to bring
this new Jamma with you.
444
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:06,557
Oh, that's awkward, because
I'm just about to return him.
445
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:09,197
Oh, yeah? What, he comes with
a return policy, does he?
446
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:10,440
Yeah, 48 hours.
447
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,120
Thanks, Jamma.
448
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,837
JAMAL GROANS
449
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,000
Ah, fuck it.
450
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,440
What's the worst
that could happen?
451
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,237
CLOWN LAUGHS
452
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:55,517
♪ A storm is coming
453
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,360
♪ Coming for you
454
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,677
♪ You'd better run
455
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,637
♪ He's coming through the window
456
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,557
♪ Coming through the wall
457
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:09,637
♪ Coming through the ceiling
458
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,277
♪ Coming through the floor
459
00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:14,680
♪ A storm is coming
460
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,237
♪ Time to have some fun! ♪
461
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,880
THUNDER RUMBLES
32021
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