Original subtitles

GREEK FOLK MUSIC

How beautiful is this? Wow.

And look at the Acropolis, just within touching distance.

PLAYS LEAD MELODY

Fred, go and join them. We go together.

No, no, I'll watch out. Follow the lady. Follow the lady.

Follow the lady? Or follow the gentleman.

Come on! Let's go.

ALL: Opa!

GORDON LAUGHS

MUSIC TEMPO INCREASES.

Come on, everybody! Yeah, come on!

RHYTHMIC CLAPPING

GORDON LAUGHS, BAND FLOURISH AND STOP

Wahey! APPLAUSE

Thank you!

GORDON: 'Gino d'Acampo, Fred Sirieix and I...'

I want to see the Acropolis.

'..are on a big fat Greek adventure.'

The party that never ends.

'Back together again...' LAUGHTER

'..behind the wheel.'

What I wanted to hear is, "Yes, Captain."

'Captain, my arse.'

How are you? Oh!

That's the end of the tuk-tuk.

'An epic odyssey like no other.'

The best chef in the world, I'm coming in.

I caught the lobster. Did you see?

'Proving this country's culinary credentials...'

This is souvlaki on a different level.

'..are up there with the very best of Europe.'

You've got a bit of cream out the side there. I don't care.

Do you want a Viagra negroni? Viagra negroni?

Yes, my man!

I feel it!

'One French plonkeur.'

When there is no wine, there is no love!

'One cocky Italian.'

Say hello to my little friend! Argh!

'And one Greek god.'

You do look like a kebab.

'In the birthplace of civilisation.'

No!

'What could possibly go wrong?'

CRUNCH, VAN BACKFIRES.

Oh! Brake! You're such a moron.

We're coming soon.

# My, my I could never let you go. #

I need to get a rolling pin.

Right.

Because every time I go away... Yes?

..my mother-in-law asks me for a rolling pin. Right.

Erm... what about these rolling pins over here?

GINO AND GORDON GIGGLE

Don't touch.

Let's move on. This is not a rolling pin.

Come on, come on.

# Too much magic bus. #

Listen to this.

"Athens is widely considered as the birthplace of Western civilisation."

Is it?

'We've made it to Athens,

'and I've been able to ditch the tuk-tuk.'

Whoa! I know, I've got a car on my left!

Oh, my God! What is he doing?

'And traded up to a nice little retro campervan.'

I'm excited about the ancient history

and the amazing restaurants here in Athens.

Tell you what I'm excited, though. What?

Old recipes that is true to the taste of... Oh, shit!

I'm feeling sick at the back.

I can't even read my guidebook.

Relax!

Guys, you cannot come to Greece and not have a souvlaki.

It's like going to Naples and not trying the pizza.

I'll go get it, I'll go get it.

'Souvlaki pit stop, here we come.'

HORNS HONK I can't park anywhere!

Ciao! I'm done, I'm done.

OK, one second, Gordon.

What sauce did you put in there? They just put yoghurt.

Fred, try yours.

It's very good, Gino. It's very fresh, very simple.

Their souvlaki is literally equivalent to our fish and chips.

It's historic, souvlaki.

'For a dish with origins that reach as far back as the 17th century BC,

'it's pretty tasty.'

Hey guys, look at the simplicity.

Nice pork kebab,

few fresh tomatoes, a bit of onion,

fresh parsley, yoghurt, job done.

What do you think, Freddo?

It has everything. This is a meal in itself.

You can have it on the go. That's what's great about it.

VAN CLUNKS, HORN HONKS

Gordon, we cannot eat like this?

It's slipping out of second gear.

It's slipping up, but I feel like being on a horse here.

IMITATES HORSE

I dropped my tomato on my shorts.

THEY CHORTLE

'Over 2,500 miles from home, the second leg of our Greek odyssey

'continues with a stay in the ancient capital, Athens.

'Then it's on to the oldest wine region on Earth,

'the vineyards of Attica,

'before a long drive north to the stunning landscape

'and monasteries in the sky in Meteora.'

# Keep on runnin'. #

What's the first thing you think about when you think about Greece?

John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John. Stop it!

The most famous philosophers came from ancient Greece.

The Olympics, guys!

The birthplace of the ancient Olympics.

Oh, yeah, that's true.

Fred, as a father of a daughter who made it to the Olympics,

how does that make you feel?

I'm so proud. I am so proud. When I think about it, I cry.

It's just so beautiful. Yeah, I'm so proud of her.

'Inspired by Fred's Olympian daughter Andrea,

'our next stop will try to capture some of that competitive spirit.'

I wanna show you something. Whoa!

Welcome to the Panathenaic Stadium.

This is the stadium that gave birth to the modern-day Olympics.

'Given we couldn't get to the Olympics in Japan this year,

'this has got to be the next best thing.'

50,000. 50,000 in this arena.

'Built entirely of the marble used to build the Acropolis,

'and steeped in history,

'it was also host to the inaugural 1896 modern Olympic Games.'

The Olympic torch starts from here. Yeah.

And then, when they're hosting the games,

the actual marathon finishes here.

You've ran a marathon before, right? Yes, the London Marathon.

Did you enjoy it? No.

You did not enjoy it at all? Not at all.

It's against human nature, running for that long.

How many marathons have you run?

One, and an ultra-marathon of 42 miles. Wow.

So, I've done 15 normal marathons,

five ultra-marathons, and four Ironman.

Just saying, that's all. Just saying.

Look at that beautiful statue.

Oh, look at that!

Why there is a willy here? Is that a willy?

You know, in Ancient Greece they were depicting genitals a lot,

but in 400BC, big genitals -

you know, which is interesting, cos this one is quite small -

were not considered desirable, and it wasn't about power or strength.

In fact, you know, when they were doing plays,

fools were always depicted with a big penis.

Hold on, though, so to have a big penis was to be...

It was not desirable, a big penis. Where do you get this from?

Can I translate that for you?

You would be in fashion, and you would be out of fashion.

What? See?

Serves you right for that big thing there.

Gino would be like the god. See?

With your little thing like that, it'd be like, "Oh, look at Gino!"

'If this place alone isn't inspirational enough,

'I've got an extra surprise in store for my two little side-pricks.'

Marathon Maria!

'With former Olympian and marathon enthusiast Maria Polyzou enlisted

'to help run proceedings.'

Hello, how are you? Nice to see you. You too.

What is it like,

running into this stadium at the end of a marathon?

She's talking too much about marathon.

I kept it a surprise. The agenda?

GORDON LAUGHS

Oh!

Are you ready? Let's go for a shower.

I've always wanted to come here.

It is beautiful. Stunning.

You are ready, wow! Gino is late.

Gino! Gino, come on!

Oh, welcome, welcome.

LAUGHTER

Pull those shorts down. They're higher than Simon Cowell's trousers.

Pull them down a little bit. What are you doing?

No, I don't like it like this!

Well, look at the shoes!

I don't have a pair of trainers! Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

Very.

Look at that. How heavy is that?

Ready? OK.

Let's go. Wow.

'The weighted jackets replicate the full armour

'worn by Olympic warrior competitors.'

Maria, this is heavier than Fred's?

'But today, Maria's also trying to level the playing field.'

Cor, this is so heavy!

There is no need for stuff like this.

Give me your hand.

How many kilo you putting on me?

If there's ever a moment

for Jane Fonda's video to come back, it's you.

The male version. Mr Fonda.

Come on, let's go! Let's go!

# Let's get physical, physical

# I wanna get physical. #

Let's go!

Ready? Yes, yes, I'm ready. You?

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Start line?

Let's go for the start line, please. OK.

There's so much history here,

you can feel it the minute you step onto this track.

Good luck. Good luck, guys. Good luck, Gordon.

Good luck, good luck, good luck. You OK? Yeah.

Let's stop the talk now.

Maria, when you are ready, we're ready.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, false start! I thought you said, "Go." Sorry.

No, no, no. Oh, sorry, excuse me. OK, relax!

Oh, sorry, OK. Excuse me.

Three, two, one. BLOWS WHISTLE

Go!

Oh, wait for me!

'Determined to beat the French runner bean,

'my tactic is to hang on his shoulder.'

Slowly!

'Thanks to the searing heat...'

Come on, Gino!

'..and the weighted jackets...'

Come on! Go, go!

..Fred's travelling at a donkey's pace.'

Come on, Fred.

You two! What about team spirit?

'Gino, it's not about winning, it's about arriving in style.'

'With 50 metres to go, I make my move.'

MUSIC: 'Chariots Of Fire'

Woo-hoo! Wow!

Shit!

'Oh, well, you can't win 'em all.'

Fuck!

'Fred's gonna dine out on this one for the rest of his life.'

Well done.

The French Hercules. HE LAUGHS

He beat me by a fraction. You lost? Yeah.

What do you mean, you lost?

15 marathon... HE SPEAKS ITALIAN

..whatever you do, and you lose!

If he had my jacket, trust me, he'd be behind Gino.

You know what? I now understand

why you needed a small willy to do this thing.

Because you're more aerodynamic.

With a big shlong, it's gonna go all over the place.

GORDON CHUCKLES

HORNS HONK

'Gino, Fred and I are in Athens.'

VAN STALLS

Fucking hell. You need to put it in neutral.

Yes, I'm trying to find fucking neutral!

'But I'm beginning to think that the retro campervan

'might not have been my smartest move.'

We are in the middle of the bloody thing here! OK! OK!

Will you stop shouting in my fucking ear?

ENGINE STARTS Sorry.

# I'm on the road again. #

'With all four of Greece's Michelin starred restaurants

'located here...'

I'm very hungry now.

'..it's a city with a fast-growing reputation for culinary excellence.'

You know, I'm seeing quite a lot of Italian restaurants here. Really?

You really have your mind on one track.

It's all about Italian, Italian, Italian.

'Continuing our quest for the perfect kebab,

'next stop is a Greek eatery

'which has totally reinvented the souvlaki.'

Hoocut. This restaurant is run by four super-talented chefs.

They are making serious waves and elevating traditional dishes

into the modern 21st century

and really sticking, you know, Greek food on the map.

'And I can't wait to taste it.'

We good?

How are we?

Hi, guys, welcome. What a beautiful place.

Gino. Gino. How are you? Very good, very good.

Now, they say it's the best souvlaki anywhere in Greece.

What's so special about your souvlaki?

Well, the thing that we do is that we cook the meat fresh

for every single order that we get.

'The word souvlaki comes from the Greek for skewer.'

The meat's thinly sliced.

'But the innovation here is the thinly-cut slices of pork,

'which they can cook super-fast.'

So, we need about 50 seconds, so you take it out like this.

'And fresh for every customer. Wow.'

Try this. Oh, thank you.

That's good. Oh, wow.

What cut of pork was that? Boneless neck.

And it's not fatty. It's very nice.

'It's all a far cry from Stavros Kebabs

'down the Old Kent Road.

'And it's not just the meat that is paid special attention.'

We take the crust out, take the pizza oven, 300 degrees,

so the air circulates inside and it gets a bit fluffier and crispy.

You think you know about pizza?

What do you mean, I don't know about pizza?

You're Italian or not? Yeah, I'm Italian.

Yeah, we bake it in the pizza oven. But frankly, you're making a kebab.

You're making a kebab. No, not kebab.

It's souvlaki in Greece, pizza boy. It's souvlaki.

A bit of respect. Did he call me "pizza boy"?

But you know about pizza?

This guy just called me a pizza boy, and nobody says anything!

So you're aerating the dough, so it makes it a lot lighter as well.

Lighter, fluffy, and crispy on the outside.

That's why we make it in the pizza oven.

That is delicious. They've reinvented the wheel here.

Are you ready to rumble, get inside the kitchen, we'll get a fight?

I already know in my mind,

we're gonna kick your arse like there is no tomorrow.

Let's go. Let's go.

We're gonna cook, you can judge. OK. I'll be truthful.

'It's time for a souvlaki showdown.'

You do look like a kebab.

No, because you go wide on the top and nice and fit on the bottom.

May the best kebab win!

He talks too much!

# Go, go, go, Johnny, go, go. #

Here's our pork. This has been sous-vided overnight.

How long did you do it for? 12 hours.

'My vacuum-sealed cooking process will ensure our pork

'remains deliciously moist, before being finished on the grill.'

Think of the glaze. Why don't we use some of that Greek honey

with the anchovies, so like a salt-savoury-sour?

Anchovy paste and chilli. OK, we can do that.

# Goodness gracious Great balls of fire... #

'I'm grilling our sous-vide pork

'to add beautiful colour and flavour.'

Looks good. Oh, my lord.

'Meanwhile, Gino is busy with the garnish.'

How fine do you want it? Yeah, very fine.

I'm going for the double blade. Where do you get the speed from?

I don't want to let you down. You know that.

I have never seen you work in harmony like this,

shoulder-to-shoulder. Thanks, Freddo.

This is a sight to behold.

# Goodness gracious Great balls of fire. #

Hello, Fred. How are you? Nice to meet you.

Hello, Fred. How are you? Are you eating souvlaki?

'With everything unusually calm in the kitchen,

'Fred goes to get the lowdown with the co-owners,

'chefs and kebab kingpins Spyros and Vassilis.'

What is it like, working with four chefs in the same kitchen?

SPEAKS GREEK

What does it mean? It means amazingly difficult.

And are there any arguments in the kitchen at times?

Non-stop. Non-stop?

Non-stop. Every day, every hour, every second.

'With our pork still needing time on the grill...'

I'll get some flavour on there. Thank you.

'..we'll have to work quickly to get finished.

'But it seems my sous chef didn't get the memo.'

Hey, what you doing?

I'm having a break.

A pizza boy and a beer boy, eh?

GORDON CHUCKLES Pizza boy!

You've found your match, Gino.

Chefs, two more minutes.

Slice the pork nice and thin. Pork.

Fresh yoghurt. Pickled fennel.

More pork, more pork. More lemon, please.

How long? 90 seconds. Let's go.

Let's finish off with a little touch of the pork scratching.

Oh, bollocks. A bit of dirt won't hurt.

They're running behind. They're in the shit. Don't worry.

Let's get this over the line.

All right guys, both teams on the pass.

Go, go, go.

OK, here we go.

'It's the moment of truth.

'First up, Hoocut's traditional pork souvlaki.'

I think it's very tasty.

The flavours are very natural.

I would say it could do with a little more salt.

'And next, our sweet and spicy pork belly,

'served with yoghurt, pickled fennel,

'and crispy pork skin.'

Very nice. You didn't put too much salt for once,

and I'm very happy about it.

The only thing is, there is too much lemon zest.

It's overpowering of lemon.

I will tell you that I think that they are both very nice.

However, today, on the day, I think yours is the best.

For me.

Hold on, hold on. For me!

Chefs, owners, come in here, please.

'Never trust a French referee. Time to call in the real experts.'

Sorry, my friends.

You pick? This.

Ah! He's gone for tradition and we need to accept that.

'We're on the ropes. We can't win.

'But Vassilis is our last hope to redeem ourselves.'

Yes! It's 2-1. Why are you winning?

No, fuck the French. LAUGHTER

He doesn't count! You're out of the shop!

Out of the shop! Yes!

It's a draw! Yes! It's a draw!

I'll take a draw. I'll take the draw!

For me, a draw, that's a win away from home.

BOTH LAUGH

'It's a match made in heaven, standing next to Gino.'

Because when we work together well, there's fireworks.

Oh, shit!

We're bonding not only as friends, but also as cooks,

and we understand each other now.

I hope that we're gonna do more of that.

# Hot town, summer in the city

# Back of my neck Getting dirt and gritty. #

'After our day discovering the ancient history

'and flavours of Athens, we're taking a trip to the suburbs.'

We are in Attica.

This is the largest wine-producing region in Greece, right?

'We're heading 15 miles east of Athens to a town called Spata,

'as Fred tells us there's a Greek wine renaissance taking place here.'

I'm really excited about the innovative drink scene in Greece.

I've never been a big fan of Greek wine.

I remember my mum and dad's parties at, like, Christmas and birthdays,

and the Greek wine was under the table in a box

with a tap on the end.

Things have changed.

80% of the vineyards here are less than 20 years old,

do you understand? So the winemakers are very innovative.

And what kind of blend is it?

Mainly Savatiano, which is the local grape.

The thing is, this grape doesn't have a good reputation.

If the grape isn't good to begin with,

how do you make a delicious wine?

First of all, it's how you tend to the vine.

Tend to the vine? What's the time? Ten to the vine.

LAUGHTER Is it ten to the vine?

Come on, let's go drinking. It's ten to the vine.

# Just let your love go

# Like a mountain stream. #

'Fred has arranged to meet

'one of the country's most successful producers

'of biodynamic wine, Dimitris Georgas.'

Fred, where are we going, please? Just keep going straight.

'To save getting lost

'among the region's 16,000 acres of vineyards...'

Dimitris!

VAN STALLS Oh, shit!

'..we're picking Dimitris up, to lead the way.'

Hello, hello, guys. Pleasure meeting you.

Dimitris, hi. Whoa!

I just want to apologise for the driving.

You know, he's not just a winemaker, he is the top winemaker in Greece.

This is Greek wine royalty that we have in the back of the van.

This is it.

Wow. Well, welcome, guys!

'Dimitris's small but perfectly formed vineyard

'spans four and a half hectares.

'And despite a history reaching back over 380 years,

'he's adopted a less-than-conventional approach

'to grape cultivation.'

We are in a biodynamic farm.

The difference is that this is my friends

and we treat it as living creatures.

That means they do have a soul.

Vines have a soul? Yes, really.

'Biodynamic farmers like Dimitris

'are not only restricted in their use of chemicals,

'they also believe in a spiritual connection

'between plant growth and the solar system.'

What is cosmos?

So, we get cosmos, goes in there. Yes.

OK, is it in there now? Almost.

Cosmos! Hello!

Can I stir it? Yes, yes.

One minute, yes, you stop?

'Dimitris believes that spraying this unique solution,

'which has been energised by our own fair hands...'

Put some effort into it!

'..will actually make the vines grow faster and stronger.'

There we go. I'm not a spatula.

Now we can fill the backpacks and the tractor, and let's spray over.

Have you seen the tractor there?

That's a Ferrari. I can drive that.

I'm Italian, OK?

If this was a McLaren or whatever you guys drive in England, then yes.

That's a Ferrari. I'll do it.

STARTS ENGINE

'With the Italian getting to grips with his stallion...'

Look at that. I know exactly what I'm doing.

'..it's time to help breathe some cosmic life into Dimitris's vines.'

Are we spraying the top of the vines or the bottom?

Yeah, over the top, yes. The soul part of the vine.

We have enough cosmos. Let's go.

We are part of the cosmos! We are the cosmos, aren't we?

Let's go. OK!

Where's Gino?

GEARS CRUNCH

I'm not safe with him in a tractor.

Oh, sugar!

What the fuck is he doing?

Hello!

This thing is unbelievable, eh?

Oh, shit!

Careful! Gino, the plant is injured!

No, it's not. It's injured! It's not injured. Shush.

Careful, please. Don't spray me. Don't spray me.

Come on. That's silly.

Careful. Don't! Aguardar.

Gordon! Argh!

Really?

Say hello to my little friend!

Argh! LAUGHTER

Gino!

Come here, you French bastard!

Hey, slow down!

Enough cosmos, come on!

Gino! Come on, man!

Really? Turn it off!

Dimitris. Dimitris.

I'm so sorry. Honestly, you're out of order.

Can we go get some wine? Let's go and try some wine.

No! No!

Gino! GINO LAUGHS

No, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no! No, no, no, guys! Don't! No! OK!

Let's go try some wine! Let's go try some wine!

Ah, see?

Bastards.

'We're in Attica, a region in southern Greece

'that has been producing wine for over 3,000 years.'

Gino, get the table out the back, please.

'And after creatively completing the cosmos spraying,

'Dimitris has kindly agreed to offer us a taste

'of his best-selling black-label savatiano.'

It's very cloudy!

It's just the colour from the grapes that are macerating with the juice.

Right. So it takes this orange colour.

This is our purpose, I mean,

to offer something which is as natural as possible.

You know that Forbes has described this orange wine

as the coolest wine trend for 2021.

It's big. It's getting bigger and bigger.

That's amazing. Cheers. Cheers. Good health.

Dimitris, I'm dying to taste this.

Dimitris, good health, my friend.

This is very nice.

It's lovely.

It has a very strong body.

It asks for really good food to accompany with.

Mediterranean food, salads, oily stuff, barbeque.

For me, that's quite sharp.

A little bit too sharp. It's as it should be.

If you don't do any intervention, that's what happens.

That's what nature does.

I have a much more educated palate than you do,

and if I find that wine somewhat acidic and somewhat rough,

am I not allowed to say?

You are so one-dimensional.

Come on, man, open up your mind

and just try and appreciate what this is about,

because this is not just about the wine in the glass,

it's about the philosophy behind the wine.

Not my cup of tea personally,

but incredibly admirable to see Dimitris

working with nature to produce amazing wine.

Dimitris's wine was very similar to Gino Vino and Jessie Juice,

the one that I produce. I like it.

Go easy on that tractor. Thank you, Dimitris, take care.

Send my love to the family, eh? Bye.

Do you wanna cook? Yeah. What have we got in there?

'We've stocked our trusty campervan with delicious local ingredients,

'so we can rustle something up to pair with the natural wine.'

Cheers.

Are you gonna do a nice little mezze plate or something, no?

No. No, no, no. I'm doing the vine leaves.

I've got an idea with Greek cheese and Italian mozzarella,

so they can get nice and stringy.

Gino, you always cook Italian. It's all about Italian stuff.

Do you see me talk about France like this

and advertise that I'm French?

Yes, look at the top that you've got with the French flag.

I'm going to quickly blanche the vine leaves.

'And while Fred plays at being Plato...'

Very interesting. You should read it, guys.

'..I'm cooking lamb chops and grilled asparagus.'

Don't overcook my lamb, because I like it medium rare.

No, just in case.

Are you trying to tell me how to cook a fucking lamb chop?

You get so defensive over everything!

"Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad."

What? What?

I think you two are well within that finger's breadth.

These asparagus are burnt.

No, they're grilled.

This one is.

This is not grilled. This is completely burnt.

OK, OK, OK. Don't start to put into nature with the cosmos.

OK!

Ah, here's a quote.

"He who doesn't pay attention to what he cooks burns stuff."

GINO LAUGHS He's right!

These are burnt! They're grilled. They need colour.

No colour, no flavour. Quote that.

No colour, no flavour.

Can I say, this is really beautiful. Thank you.

So, the vine leaves are stuffed with local cheese and mozzarella?

I needed a stringy cheese.

Why not put feta and pine nuts in there, traditionally?

Why put mozzarella in there?

GINO CHUCKLES

He always has something to say. I know. He's a critic.

And the lamb, medium rare. I'm gonna go for it.

The lamb is nice, actually. It's very rich.

Ah!

Juicy. And I like the crumbs that you put on top.

The breadcrumbs, and some grated halloumi.

'We know the food tastes good.

'But does it make the wine taste any better?'

First impressions, we're just not used to cloudy wine.

No. And it's a very, very acidic wine.

But it does deliver a punch and it's way better now, with food,

than on its own. Yeah, because the food is rich.

He said, didn't he? Yeah. It's an acquired taste.

I feel a song is coming on. Here we go.

# I'm travelling With my two best friends... #

Oh, no.

# Hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo

# We drink And all makes more sense

# Hoo-hoo... #

Acidic wine!

# Hoo-hoo

# We tasted Some amazing Greek food... #

Thank you.

# Hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo... #

Ready, guys?

# We are Gordon, Gino and Fred

# And this party will never end

# We are Gordon, Gino and Fred

# And this party will never end. #

Oh, my God! What the hell are you doing?

I'm at one with nature!

Be careful, the hot barbie. Jesus Christ!

What are you doing?!

Hello, the wine!

# Born free... #

What is wrong with you?!

When there is no wine, there is no love!

And when there is no love, there is no wine!

# Born free to follow your heart. #

'I think the cosmos has gone to his head.

'And to think, he said we were the mad ones.'

What is your favourite cure for a hangover?

A run. A run?

Or a 10K on the rowing machine.

Gordon, sometimes I think you are not normal.

You are not human.

D'you know the best hangover cure for me? Go on.

Making love. There's nothing quite like it.

Oh, for God's sake. Oh, my God.

Seriously. Well, thanks for that, Fred (!)

# Je t'aime, je t'aime. #

'We're heading back to Athens City Centre,

'and Fred has a destination he wants to tick off his bucket list.'

I wanna take you to a place that makes the best Greek salad.

Oh, come on! Shut up. It's not an ordinary salad, guys.

It's one with a twist. You'll love it.

Fred, another Greek salad?

I am taking you to Clumsies.

It's the third best bar in the world and it's here in Athens.

And they make a Greek salad cocktail.

A what? A what?

A Greek salad cocktail.

Oh, that could be the hair of the dog, right?

# Ooh, I bet you wondered How I knew. #

Here we are. Look at that. Ah.

Beautiful. That's nice.

This is it. This is it.

Good morning, guys. How are you? Good. Welcome to The Clumsies.

'Open since 2014, The Clumsies is the most renowned bar in Greece.'

Buongiorno. Kalimera.

Kalimera to you, too.

Third best in the world, right? It is.

OK. London, New York, and now Athens.

I have been telling them about your Greek salad gimlet.

It's really refreshing,

with all the Greek elements, Mediterranean flavours.

# Well now you shake it to the left You shake it to the right

# You do the hippy shake-shake With all being right. #

'Central to each creation is a bespoke syrup

'created in their kitchen.'

So here we have a Greek salad cordial.

'Using innovative techniques to capture the genuine flavours

'of the dish they're replicating.'

Tomato water, cucumber, red pepper.

'Heston Blumenthal, eat your heart out.'

Do you sell a lot of these? Because let's be honest,

when Fred told me about this Greek salad cocktail,

I was like, "Bleurgh!"

You will see, man, we sell a lot, because people, as you say,

they're surprised first, and then they say, "Wow."

How do you come up with these cocktails?

Travelling around the world and exploring things,

and at the same time, we do a lot of research into our lab, upstairs.

Oh, you've got a lab? Yeah.

I've never seen someone put olive oil in a cocktail.

That looks sexy though, eh?

But it's a Greek salad. You're gonna love it, man.

Thank you. Cheers. Thank you for coming. Salute.

So, this is gonna taste like a Greek salad? Hopefully, yes.

First of all, it smells like a Greek feta salad. It does.

Whoa, man, you're strong!

This is beautiful, my friend! You like that?

Cheers, man. Thank you.

I can get the flavour of the tomato, I can get the cucumber, 100%.

Of course.

What does it for me, I think, is the olive oil,

the way it rounds off the whole cocktail together

and just balances it in your mouth.

Delicious. Congratulations. Thank you, thank you. Bravo.

Can you drink some water quickly? Why?

This is a Greek salad, and Greek salad is good for you.

Salute, my friend. Cheers.

Well, Vasilis, you've really inspired me.

I'd love to have a go in your lab.

I've got a couple of ideas I'd like to try, OK?

Let's make it happen. All right. He's going upstairs.

And who's gonna serve us here?

'The Clumsies laboratory is where all the magic happens.'

Wow, this is your lab? Yes, Fred. Welcome.

What is this? It's called a rotovap evaporator.

Sorry, roto what?

Rotovap evaporator. Rotovap evaporator, right.

So it delivers the aromas of an ingredient, along with alcohol.

And that's cucumber? Cucumber with gin.

How can we create a tzatziki cocktail, like a tzatziki sour?

So, you know, you got the gin, you got the cucumber,

but how do you recreate the taste of yoghurt?

We have the lactic acid.

Lactic acid? Lactic acid.

Oh! Yeah, man. It smells just like yoghurt!

This negroncino, we call it Clumsy Negroni,

with organic beeswax, two different kinds of peppers

that release citrus notes, like bourbon pepper.

That is delicious. That is beautiful. And floral.

It's mellow, and it's got so many layers.

Dude!

Viagra negroni? Yes, my man!

Yes!

And what have you got in there?

Some syrups and cordials, and we use it in our cocktails.

Here, you're, like, between a chef and a bartender, aren't you?

We get really big inspiration from chefs.

Don't say that, because if you say you get inspiration from chefs,

their head, that's already big like that,

I mean, it's not gonna fit in this room or in your bar.

This is awesome!

LAUGHTER

It contains...

Gino!

I feel it! Gino! Come here!

No, no, no!

Can you feel the Viagra on your neck?

# Take me far beyond imagination. #

OK, he's had some fresh air now.

'Let's hope the cocktail Fred has in mind

'contains a sedative...'

On your chair!

'..to help tame the Italian stallion.

'Time for Fred's big moment.'

What's the name of this? A tzatziki sour.

Cucumber, gin, Greek brandy.

So that's a dill syrup, and I've got some cucumber bitters here.

Lactic acid.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

I love the colour, Fred. It's beautiful, isn't it?

That looks cool, man.

Tzatziki cocktail, Freddo. Ya mas.

Ya mas. You neck this, right?

Yeah. No.

It smells of cucumber, immediately. Oh!

I'll be honest, for a Frenchman, it worked.

That is so nice.

If I had one small criticism for my cocktail,

I think I should have made it a tiny little bit sweeter,

but I'm still happy with it.

This is good.

Mwah! Fantastico.

As the third best bar in the world,

does this cocktail deserve a place on your menu?

He did a good job, man. Yes. THEY CHEER

Nice one! Cheers, man.

LAUGHTER

Cheers, man. I'm gonna make you another cocktail, Gino. No!

This is majestic.

Look at those mountains. That's where we're going.

Right to the very top.

# The hills are alive With the sound of music. #

'A little over four hours north of Athens

'lies the UNESCO World Heritage Site of Meteora.

'Renowned for its immense sandstone pillars,

'on top of which are perched a cluster of monasteries.'

It looks like something you see in Hollywood movies.

'And we have a special invitation for an audience with the local nuns.

'But I'm hoping for more than just a blessing.'

I'm sweating like a nun in a porn shop.

Stop, stop. You need to stop saying that.

Why? Look at the monastery up there.

It's sacred, so you need to be on your best behaviour.

Do up your shirt, please. Are you kidding me?

It's hot, man.

No flesh exposed, no swearing,

no naughty words.

So, we can't say no nun joke? No, no. Are you kidding me?

So we go to see nuns and I can't do any jokes whatsoever?

Gino, you've gotta behave today. And you need to be super respectful.

Hey, what do you call a nun on a bike? Get out, right now.

Virgin Mobile. LAUGHTER

'The nuns in Meteora strive not only for spiritual enlightenment,

'but also self-sufficiency,

'and are famed for some incredible produce.'

Here we are, guys. Mamma mia. This is steep.

Right, seriously, top button up. Do that top button up, please.

Oh, there they are. There they are. There they are.

Do the top button up, please. How many buttons do I need to do?

This doesn't go. OK, OK, OK, OK.

Stop arguing, they're watching.

They're watching, don't say anything.

VAN STALLS Oh!

Oh, Madonna mia, what have you done? This thing is gonna go backwards!

Park on the right! Roll down.

You're such a moron.

Brake. They're watching us. They're watching us.

OK. We're coming soon.

# Climb every mountain

# Ford every stream. #

What a place, eh?

'Gino, Fred and I are in Meteora.'

This is beautiful. What a place.

'Visiting the Greek Orthodox nuns at the Holy Monastery of Rousanou.'

Would you mind sitting down first? My mum will kill me. Thank you.

'Elder Charatini and Sisters Evsevia and Kassiani

'have kindly laid on a selection of their home-grown produce.'

What an amazing spread.

'But it's the nuns' unique nectar

'that I'm most excited about tasting.'

Would you like a crumpet? Absolutely.

Allow me. Thank you.

# Sugar Oh, honey, honey. #

This honey looks amazing. It is amazing.

It's made here? Yes, from our hives.

How come it's so dark? Because it's not from flowers.

It's mainly from what the area offers, which is oak.

I've got a question for you.

What did the monk say to the nun on a salad bar?

They don't go to bars.

You don't have to answer. "Let us pray."

Lettuce. Lettuce pray. Lettuce. The lettuce.

The lettuce, let us pray.

See, she liked... she got it. Sister, please do not encourage him.

That was exceptional. It would be even a bigger privilege,

from a chef's point of view, can we peek at your beehives, please?

Yes, you could.

# Kiss me, honey, honey, Kiss me... #

Meteora, literally, it means "suspended in the air".

I mean, look.

What a place. And what a privilege to be here.

The honey was exceptional.

It's very dark, rich, and it had that incredible oaky flavour.

It's a treat.

# Honey, honey, don't stop. #

I look like Peppa Pig! GORDON LAUGHS

They can sense if you start getting nervous

or your heart is beating too quickly. Mamma mia.

The first thing you do

is you smoke at the front entrance of the beehive.

It warns them that there might be danger,

so they start gathering into the beehive.

I don't really like this. Sorry, sister.

Stay calm. Just relax. Just stay next to me.

No, don't be afraid. Give me your hand.

Gino's heart is beating so fast. Gino, you just keep back.

Oh. We're lucky.

They're actually starting to collect the honey from the area.

That's incredible. See here?

Ow! What's going on with you?

Something bit me. Do you wanna taste the honey?

What, from here? From here, yeah.

Put your finger in there. Put the finger in your beehive?

I don't think so. Oh, my God.

They're all gone. That is beautiful.

Mmm!

It's OK? That's delicious.

There is one here.

Gino, you must be calm.

Zip it up, zip it up, zip it up.

This is not really for me, eh?

'Not only is their honey delicious,

'these worker bees also produce pollen.'

Hey, not too much. Don't! Don't smoke us!

What are you doing, Mr Gordon?

Just smoking him, make him less agitated.

OK. So, Mr Gordon, would you like to take the drawer out?

Carefully, though. OK, have they got something in there?

Oh, my Lord. Just look at that.

'These golden nuggets are a mix of nectar, saliva and plant pollen,

'that collect on the back of the bees' legs.'

The volume of pollen, that's incredible.

'A magic sprinkle dust with a unique taste

'and incredible nutritional benefits.'

I've put traps there

and the pollen that's attached to the feet drops into the basket.

Can we cook with the pollen?

I use it on scallops, langoustine, oysters. Amazing.

Can we take some with us, so then we can cook? Certainly.

Oh, thank you very much.

Gino, can you stop with the smoker?

'I don't like bees.'

Lovely here, isn't it?

My God.

'With our campervan stocked up with pollen and holy honey,

'Gino is directing us to a forest,

'to search for the diamond of the kitchen.'

We follow this road, we're gonna go truffle hunting.

Because they are telling me that the truffles here are insane.

As good as the Italian truffles? We're gonna find out.

But we can safely say that truffle

is probably one of the most expensive ingredients

in our kitchens, right? Yes. Yeah.

You know that the old Greek philosophers, in ancient Greece,

they believed that the truffles were created with water, fire,

and lightning that was thrown by Zeus.

That's bullshit. Well, that's what they believed.

No, but it's a fungi, for God's sake.

'Truffles are one of the most sought-after foods in the world,

'and the second biggest in Europe was found right here in Meteora,

'weighing an impressive 1.12lb.'

Wow!

So beautiful.

Oh, no, what are you doing? Huh?

What are you doing? Why did you bring Justin?

Justin is here because if we find a truffle, I can put it in there.

G!

# Baby, baby, baby, ooh! #

Guys, guys, guys. This is them.

'Husband and wife duo Panos and Eva have been hunting truffles

'for over ten years.

'They've kindly offered to teach us the basics.'

My friend, how are you? Nice, nice to meet you.

Very good, nice to meet you. This is Fred.

Yassou. Yassou!

This is Gordon. Nice to see you.

Ah, the summer one. OK.

Orgies? Yes.

All right. Are you boys ready? I'm ready. I want to go.

'We can't hunt the prized goods

'without a helping hand from a four-legged friend.'

Beautiful!

Why do I always have to get the small one?

OK. Let's go.

'Labradors can smell a truffle up to 300 metres away.'

Maya is in a rush. Hey, Naomi, piano-piano, eh?

'And are even taught to dig carefully around their targets,

'so as not to cause damage.'

Here we are, OK? 'First up, it's Gino and Naomi.'

Naomi, OK, you listen to me. Find the truffle!

Find the truffle, Naomi! Come. Let's go.

Watch and learn, you two, how it's done.

Panos, I need to find the most truffles, yeah?

HE WHISTLES Naomi! Naomi!

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Gino!

Leave my beaver alone.

This is like Gino, this dog. Naomi's out of control!

Come on, Gino. What do you want me to do?

Encourage her. Get on your knees.

What do you want, me to sniff the ground like a dog?

Naomi the puppy, a little bit like me -

loveable, unpredictable.

You say to do one thing, she does completely the opposite.

'After a terrible start...'

This is a disaster. Shall we swap out?

'..I couldn't help but show Gino...'

Let's go.

'..how it's done.'

Look at her go.

# A little less conversation A little more action. #

Where is it?

Gino, Fred, stand back. Say please, Gordon.

Oh. Wow, she's got something.

Be careful. Be careful. Gently, gently. Yes.

Got you. Yes! Yes!

Look at that!

Naomi! She was here for about half an hour.

Look at the size of that.

Wow.

'The key to a flawless black summer truffle

'is a perfect white centre.'

The problem with this one here...

This one, we should leave them in the ground.

'With truffle on the menu tonight, I'm hanging onto this one.'

All right, Maya, go and get some truffles.

'But perhaps Freddo can find a perfect specimen.'

Allez! Cherche les truffle.

PANOS SPEAKS GREEK Cherche les truffle.

I think she's more looking for other dog scent.

Come on, Fred. Give her some love.

Stop disturbing Maya, Gordon.

Look, look, look, look. There you go, Fred.

Fred, you got it? Careful, Fred. Careful.

Look.

What is that?

'Sadly for Fred, his truffle is so small,

'you can barely see it.'

Freddo, you're firing blanks.

How tiny truffle. OK, we're gonna put it back.

Put it back, yeah.

'Sometimes in life, size really does matter.

'And I'm not giving up.'

DOG FARTS

PANOS SPEAKS GREEK

Naomi, find the truffle!

Don't scream in her ears.

'We're in Central Greece.'

Don't let me down, Maya.

'Hunting for truffles in heavenly Meteora.'

This hunting is a shambles so far.

Gino, did you put aftershave on? Yes.

You're destroying the scent of the truffles!

'With Fred and Gino so far failing to deliver the goods...'

Bad girl Naomi, bad girl.

Oh!

'..up steps my trusty hound to show them how it's done.'

No way. Look.

Oh, my goodness me!

ALL: Oh!

This is a beauty!

Everyone's fascinated with the French and the Italian truffles.

It's just a welcome surprise to discover amazing truffles here,

in Greece.

That's two-nil. Thank you.

And I clearly have a much better connection

with my dog than Gino and Fred do.

Thank you. My pleasure.

# You're my best friend. # THEY GIGGLE

Who needs Italy when you've got Greece?

DOG BARKS

Look at this. It doesn't look real!

What an incredible spot for our final dinner in Greece.

'The nuns' goodness and generosity must've rubbed off on me,

'as for once, I'm trusting Gino with mains.'

So what you gonna do, bud?

I'm going to make a risotto-style pasta

with onions, beautiful oyster mushrooms,

then I'm gonna finish with the pollen.

Are you sauteing the mushrooms separately to take the water out?

No, I'm relying on the flavour of the mushroom,

so then I can cook the pasta.

Are you gonna season those mushrooms? Piano, piano, piano.

I get excited, watching you cook, that's all. Yes.

'Just in case Gino trashes his dish,

'I'm preparing a truffle cream oyster appetiser,

'a recipe which dates back to the 4th century BC.'

Natural yoghurt, a little bit of lemon in there,

a bit of honey in there, and the oyster juice.

'Topped with a fresh black summer truffle I found.'

These Greeks, they knew how to live, eh? Didn't they!

'And that Gino has been keeping safe.'

Please may I have my truffle inside your beaver?

Yes, you can. Naughty, naughty, naughty boy!

LAUGHTER

Jesus Christ.

Fred, what's for drinks?

I'm making a truffle martini, with local vermouth,

touch of vodka, and I have the honey from the sisters. Nice!

OK.

Oh! There's our appetiser.

How good do those oysters look? Yeah, they look beautiful.

Look at that. This is awesome.

Mon ami. Just simple. Cheers. Salute.

Salute. Salute, Gino. Salute.

Mmm. Oh, thank you. This cocktail is amazing.

Before we tuck into that delicious pasta, a nice little chilled oyster.

Look at that! This is delicious.

Fuck, this is amazing.

What do you think about the pollen on the pasta? It works.

I mean, it's beautiful visually.

In terms of the flavour, you put just enough,

cos it's quite sweet.

The flavour's amazing, by the way.

This is definitely, by far, the best meal that we had.

On the trip? Yeah.

When you think of Greece, it's never at the forefront

on that gastronomic culinary map in Europe.

It's always, sort of, second, third fiddle

behind Spain, France, Italy.

But this trip has confirmed

it deserves to sit in amongst the very best.

Here's to ancient Greece and an amazing trip.

Chin-chin. Salute.

ALL: Salute.

I've realised that there are a lot of similarities

between Greek and Italians.

Very family-orientated, traditions, the produce.

They're like two brothers, separated at birth.

Let food be thy medicine and let medicine be thy food.

Hippocrates.

What?

We are in the birthplace of Western civilisation.

And the other two, they did not get any of it.

None whatsoever. I can't believe it.

There's no educating some people, right?

Hey, guys, where shall we go next?

I've always wanted to take you up the Nile.

FRED STIFLES LAUGHTER Fred, really?

Have you ever been up the Nile? FRED AND GINO LAUGH

You've want to take us up the Nile?! What has happened to you?

Is there something that you wanna tell us before we leave Greece?

What?!

# So long, farewell

# Auf Wiedersehen, good night... #

# I hate to go And leave this pretty sight

# So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye

# I leave and heave a sigh And say goodbye

# Bye! #

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