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GORDON: What are you doing?
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00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:12,760
FRED: What are you doing?
GINO: Pulling my socks off,
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00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:14,760
cos my feet are boiling.
Are you joking, Gino? No, Gino.
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My feet stink.
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00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,760
Gino, just stop it.
Agh, no, no, not water!
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00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,760
Agh! I am all wet now.
GINO AND GORDON LAUGH
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FRED: What is wrong with you two?
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GORDON: Welcome to Texas.
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HORN SOUNDS
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What I like about Texas?
The state's motto.
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00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:33,760
It's "friendship".
Very much in this cabin right now!
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00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,440
Exactly. High five.
High five.
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00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,760
High five.
No, that's your foot!
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00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:39,760
GINO AND FRED LAUGH
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00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,760
Have you smelled...?
THEY LAUGH
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00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:43,960
Oh, my God!
17
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,760
We've got a convoy!
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00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,760
GORDON: Gino D'Acampo,
Fred Sirieix and I
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00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:56,760
are on a brand-new
culinary adventure,
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00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,760
across Mexico and the US of A.
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00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:00,760
It looks like you.
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00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,760
Stop the car!
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00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:05,760
'We're in search of the most
memorable ingredients...'
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00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,760
I love testicles.
My dad cooked them all the time.
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00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:10,760
'..amazing vinos...'
Slow down, Gino.
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'..and spectacular views.'
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00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,760
WOLF WHISTLE
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'I want to show them the food here
is bigger, bolder and better.'
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Whoo!
He's on fire.
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'Trouble is, Gino and Fred
are stuck in their old Euro ways.'
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Reminds me of a cassoulet,
very French.
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Where I come from, we don't do that.
Well, this is America, honey.
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'Three amigos.'
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I've got some in my eyes!
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'Three big egos.'
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Gino! How do we get out of here now?
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'Back on the road, together again.'
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I'm not being party to this.
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00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:42,760
Holy shit!
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Road trip across America.
We're gonna end up in jail!
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MUSIC: 'Waltz Across Texas'
by Ernest Tubb
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00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,120
Would you drive a little bit slower?
Just giving it some welly.
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FAUX TEXAN ACCENT:
Ooh, shit my boots!
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Can I just say, I'm scared?
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'After 2,500 miles on the road,
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'Gino, Fred and I
have made it to Texas,
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'the second-largest state
in America.'
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HORN SOUNDS
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00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:21,760
Uh-oh.
Oh!
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00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:24,760
Wow, that was close.
That was very close, man.
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00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:25,760
Oh, my God.
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It's fine, we're fine.
53
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And we're in the heart of Texas,
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where it's all about bourbon,
barbeques, beef and cowboys.
55
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There is no country
anywhere on the planet
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00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:39,760
that does a barbeque
like the Texas state.
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00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,760
My God, you're giving me
a heart attack.
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'We'll be travelling nearly 700
miles across the Lone Star State.
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00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:50,760
'First stop, Lexington,
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00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,800
'before heading to Texan Hill
Country and Wimberley,
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00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,760
'then through the state capital,
Austin,
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'to reach Palestine.
63
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,760
'And our final destination
is Stephenville,
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00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,760
'the rodeo capital of the world.'
65
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,760
We've got a population, 1,177. It's
like a one-horse town, isn't it?
66
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,760
This town looks a bit weird.
67
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,760
It looks like a Texan
chainsaw massacre here.
68
00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,760
Know what we'd say in Italian?
IN SPANISH: El culo del mundo.
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You're French, not Italian.
70
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,760
Yeah, no,
but it's an expression I know.
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00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,760
I don't think you know what you are!
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THEY CHUCKLE
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00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,280
I think you are confused sometimes,
Fred.
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00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,760
It's OK to be confused,
but the important part
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00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:36,760
is to talk about it, Freddo.
Have you told your parents?
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HE CHUCKLES
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'This humble, unassuming town
is actually home
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'to one of the best barbeque shacks
known to man.'
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00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,760
Some good news,
he's putting his socks on.
80
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We need to do washing.
Here we are.
81
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:53,800
Look at this!
Ooh, la, la, look at that.
82
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,760
'Snow's only opens on Saturdays,
83
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:02,760
'but that didn't stop it being named
best Texan barbeque in the world
84
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,760
'by the New Yorker magazine.'
85
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,760
Hello.
Hi, how are you? G'day!
86
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,760
No, no, that's Australian.
That's Australian. "Hi, y'all."
87
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:12,760
Hi, low! Hi, low.
Y'all! Oh, y'all.
88
00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,760
Can you smell that brisket?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
89
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,760
Welcome! Welcome to Snow's.
Good to see you, are you well?
90
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,760
How are you?
What can we get y'all today?
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We'll go for whatever you think
is fit, it smells delicious.
92
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,760
I'll get you fixed up.
What you want to drink?
93
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,760
Cold beer, please.
Thank you very much.
94
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:30,440
Sir, how good is the food here?
Amazing. Amazing? Spectacular.
95
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:31,760
What are you having,
brisket, there?
96
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,760
Brisket, spare ribs, sausage,
a little pork loin.
97
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:36,760
I was trying to explain to the boys,
there's no plates here.
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You just serve on a tray.
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Your plate is your paper.
100
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Look at this.
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Oh, wow.
102
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,760
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
103
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,760
Is this for one person?
You're in Texas.
104
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:47,760
Thank you, sir. Oh, my God.
Whoa!
105
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,600
This looks incredible.
Talk me round the platter.
106
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Well, you've got pork ribs,
brisket and pork shoulder steak.
107
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:57,760
This is amazing. I've never
had anything as good as this.
108
00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,760
These ribs are incredible.
What's the rub on there?
109
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How do you start the process?
110
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,760
Everything here is strictly
salt and pepper.
111
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The mistake we make in the UK...
112
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,760
That... instead of getting
good quality meat,
113
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we cover it with barbeque sauce,
ketchup, mustard.
114
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Too much marinade, we put in.
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00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,760
If you see a barbeque back home,
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it's this little grill,
silly little bits of charcoal,
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it's about this big.
I'm looking at these.
118
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To the naked eye,
they look like oil tanks.
119
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,760
I built every one of these myself.
120
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:24,760
Hand-built them.
I did. Wow.
121
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,760
And what wood are you using?
Post oak.
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It's a less subtle wood,
there's no strong smoke to it.
123
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,760
And Miss Tootsie,
that's my pit master,
124
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she's 84 years old and that's
what she had used in the past.
125
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:36,760
Oh, my God,
84 and she's still working?
126
00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:38,800
Working a full-time job
during the week
127
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and then comes here on Saturday
and you can't keep up with her.
128
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,760
My God. Can we say hello to her?
You'll speak to her, you bet.
129
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'On any given Saturday, Snow's sells
over 200 pounds of barbeque meat,
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and most of it is served up
by Lone Star legend, Miss Tootsie.'
131
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Howdy, Gordon.
Mwah!
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00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:57,760
Hey, Miss Tootsie.
133
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So happy you're with us here today.
134
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Honestly,
I've just tasted some magic.
135
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,760
What's the secret
behind a great barbeque?
136
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,760
It takes a lot of tender love
and care.
137
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:09,760
Right. What's that there?
That's your pork shoulder.
138
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:10,760
You wanna mop your pork steaks?
139
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,760
When you say "mop" them,
what does that mean?
140
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,760
We have a mop stick,
just like a mop.
141
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:18,760
Wow. And what is that?
That consists of water, onion,
142
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:23,760
butter, mustard,
Worcestershire sauce and vinegar.
143
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,760
Can I show you how I heat it?
Please.
144
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:30,120
We had filled this full of wood
and it has burned down.
145
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We use post oak wood.
146
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It has to be dry cos if not
it does not make a good red coal.
147
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'After watching Tootsie
set such a fine example,
148
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'Gino is shamed into helping out.'
149
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,760
Knock them down first.
God, it's hot in here!
150
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,600
Watch out, he's never
worked this hard in his life.
151
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:48,760
I wish it was hot and flaming.
152
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You'd be squealing like a pig how
hot it is, it's done burned down.
153
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Squeak like a pig!
Very good. Very good.
154
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,760
Did I do well?
You did well.
155
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Thank you, my darling.
156
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,960
'The genius of Snow's barbeque
is in the understanding
157
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,760
'that the kind of wood you use
is as important for the flavours
158
00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:05,760
'as the meat itself.'
159
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,440
'So, we're heading to a place deep
in the heart of Texan Hill Country.
160
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:16,760
'Wimberley. 800 miles south west
and 1,000 feet above the sea level.'
161
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:18,760
MUSIC: 'On The Road Again'
by Canned Heat
162
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:23,600
This area of Texas produces
some of the best wood for a barbeque
163
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,760
anywhere on the planet.
Do you know the difference
164
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,760
between cooking
with wood or charcoal?
165
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:31,600
Well, the wood you get the aroma
of the smoke of the wood, right?
166
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Way, way better flavour.
167
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,760
My burger restaurant in Vegas,
we cook with apple chip
168
00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,800
and the flavour on the burger
is extraordinary. Yeah.
169
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:43,760
GINO: "Loma Alta Ranch."
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'The sand and gravel soils here
171
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,760
'create the perfect environment
for post oak to thrive.
172
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'And we're going off-road,
into the woods,
173
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'to find the very best.'
174
00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:58,760
This is deep Texas, guys.
175
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,760
This looks a little bit like Africa.
176
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,760
Very bumpy round here, no?
Watch out, there's... Mind the tree!
177
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,760
Am I OK on the right-hand side?
Mind the...
178
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,440
You are OK... Mind the tree!
Shit.
179
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:10,760
Whoa!
180
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:14,120
Piano, cazzo!
Look in front of you.
181
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,760
'We've come here to meet Josh,
owner of the Woodchucks Company...'
182
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:19,760
Wow, here we go.
183
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,760
'..who supply wood for barbeques
all over Texas.' Hello.
184
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,760
What a beautiful place.
Nice to meet you, man.
185
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,760
'What Josh and his lumberjack team
don't know about wood
186
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,120
'ain't worth knowing.'
187
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:31,760
Over here, we have post oak.
188
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,760
This is, in Texas,
considered, like, THE wood. Yeah.
189
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,760
You know? So this is a dead tree.
You can tell that it's been dead
190
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,760
by the way that it's seasoned
on the outside.
191
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,760
And it's a lot lighter, right?
It's a lot lighter.
192
00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:45,760
That's what you want. You want it to
be dense, especially
193
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:46,960
if you're gonna be barbequing
with the wood.
194
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,760
Do you feel ready to cut some wood?
195
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,760
Yes, my friend.
I was born for stuff like that.
196
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,760
Do you have any idea
how hard a lumberjack job is?
197
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,760
Well, what is it?
You put that... Pow, pow, pow,
198
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:56,760
the wood's split, off we go.
199
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,760
You wanna feel how sweaty I am?
Er, no thank you.
200
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:01,600
THEY LAUGH
But I do believe you!
201
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:02,960
Where are they?
I'll show you them, back here.
202
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,760
Thank you.
Watch out for snakes. Snakes?
203
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,760
Yeah. There's some scorpions...
204
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,760
But, you know what?
If we get a bite from a snake,
205
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,760
what you've gotta do
is suck on the bite.
206
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,760
Yeah?
I'm not gonna let him suck anything.
207
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,760
And these are real lumberjacks,
right?
208
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:21,760
These are real lumberjacks.
209
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,760
They used to get dropped off
from the school bus
210
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,760
and go straight to work.
Morning, gents.
211
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,760
Is this the... the dry oak?
Yes, sir.
212
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,760
Hello. How are you?
Hi.
213
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,800
'Brothers Jimmy and Frankie
have been lumber-jacking
214
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,760
'since they were six years old.'
215
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,760
So, the secret is...?
216
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,760
Well, the secret is...
is chopping it.
217
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,760
Chopping?
Chopping it.
218
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:44,760
This is how you do it, like this.
I'll show you, one time.
219
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,760
Come on, let's see you try it.
Stand back, Freddo.
220
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,760
You are such a macho man.
221
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,760
SINGING: Macho, macho man.
I'm so sorry about these two.
222
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,760
SINGING: I've got to be a macho...
Agh, I've been stung!
223
00:09:58,760 --> 00:09:59,800
By what?
I've been stung.
224
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,760
No, no, it's a cactus.
225
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,120
It's a nettle. Look at his socks.
226
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,760
I mean, do you ever see men
like this in Texas?
227
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:06,760
No.
Very rarely, right?
228
00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:09,760
We never cut wood in pink shorts
or any shorts, really.
229
00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,760
Don't listen to him,
you look very pretty.
230
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:14,440
You gotta have this in Texas.
ALL LAUGH
231
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:15,760
You gotta have what in Texas?
Muscles.
232
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,760
'It's refreshing
to meet proper men.
233
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,760
'Lumberjacks.
A bit different to Fred and Gino.'
234
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:21,760
They're not even on the same page.
235
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:23,760
Go to that tree,
see what you can do.
236
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,760
The big one?
Watch out, Fred's swinging.
237
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,760
HE GRUNTS
238
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,120
Seriously. I mean...
Am I the only one doing this?
239
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:33,600
You try it.
240
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,760
Gino, try and...
try and hit the same hole.
241
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,760
Yeah, more than once.
242
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,120
Why can't we just buy it?
243
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:40,760
We are buying it.
We're chopping it first.
244
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:42,760
Think about how good
this is gonna taste.
245
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,760
And he lives in London too.
Oh, my God.
246
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,760
GORDON LAUGHS
247
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,760
How am I doing?
No good at all.
248
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,760
That's the worst chopping
I've ever seen.
249
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,760
Why? You gotta hit it.
I've gotta hit it?
250
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,760
My daughter could do
better than that.
251
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:57,760
Oh, my God.
252
00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,760
My God, Gino,
put some effort into it!
253
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:01,760
Let's let Gordon try it.
254
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,800
Thank you. Thanks, guys.
No, no, honestly,
255
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,760
you're fucking embarrassing us.
256
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,760
These guys are lumberjacks.
You look like a jackass.
257
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,760
Out the way.
Hit it a bit harder than that.
258
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:10,760
Hide behind the tree there.
259
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,440
Vai, vai!
Come on.
260
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,760
There you go.
You're making a dent in it.
261
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,760
Yeah.
Come on, Gordon.
262
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,440
Come on back, draw back further.
Draw back further.
263
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:24,760
GORDON EXHALES
264
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,760
Don't worry about the sunglasses
and highlights,
265
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:29,440
they look good, they look good.
He's got highlights.
266
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,760
Yeah.
There you go.
267
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:34,440
Shit. Is it coming?
268
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,280
LUMBERJACKS LAUGH
Shit. Fucking hell.
269
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,760
Vai, vai! This was your idea.
Vai, carry on.
270
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,760
'Gordon, once again,
was trying to prove
271
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,760
'that he's the master of something,
272
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,760
'and he's the big man,
the strong one, the macho.'
273
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,760
He's sweating like a pig.
274
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,120
How long would it take you,
normally? We don't use an axe.
275
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,800
You don't use an axe?
No.
276
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,760
Shit, what do you...?
We're in the... in the 2000s.
277
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,760
What do you use?
The chainsaw.
278
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:00,760
Oh, stop it.
279
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,760
Why did you not tell us before?
Y'all didn't ask.
280
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,120
Shit. You use a fucking chainsaw?
281
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:10,760
CHAINSAW WHIRRS
282
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,760
There we go. See?
Jesus Christ!
283
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,760
That's how a real Texan does it.
284
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,760
Why didn't you tell me that
earlier? You didn't ask.
285
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,120
Oh, for God's sake!
You didn't ask!
286
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,760
You did that in 20 seconds!
287
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:32,760
Look at that.
Look at that.
288
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,600
Hey, watch out, no skinny dipping.
289
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:36,760
No willy out?
No.
290
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:40,120
Look at that. That is beautiful.
291
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,760
This is... This is incredible.
292
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,760
I'm just checking the "pennal" code.
The what code?
293
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:47,760
The "pennal" code.
"Pennal?" What's a "pennal" code?
294
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,760
Listen, "You may commit
an indecent exposure offence
295
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,800
"when you expose your anus..."
296
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:55,800
Fred... ..part of your genitals
with intent to arouse or gratify...
297
00:12:55,800 --> 00:13:00,760
Arrest me, not arrest me.
Arrest me, not arrest me.
298
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,760
Don't encourage him!
299
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:09,600
So I've got this for you,
this for you and this for me.
300
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,440
It looks like you.
301
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:17,120
You cannot say that
he doesn't look like you, this guy.
302
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:18,800
Yeah.
No, you can't, look at that.
303
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,760
Like that, like that!
GORDON LAUGHS
304
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:25,760
'Fed by natural springs
and a constant 75 degrees,
305
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:27,760
'Wimberley is also home
to the Blue Hole,
306
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:29,760
'the perfect place to cool off.'
307
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,760
Whoa!
308
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,760
He's gonna smash into the tree,
look!
309
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:36,760
Do you wanna go on this one?
310
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,760
You won't be able to do it
with your little arms.
311
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,120
FRED LAUGHS
312
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,760
Argh!
Let go, let go!
313
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:46,760
Argh! This is dangerous!
314
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:50,760
Let go, you doughnut! Shit.
315
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,760
That's flipping dangerous!
GORDON LAUGHS
316
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,760
Try not to kill Fred.
317
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,760
GINO LAUGHS
Whoop!
318
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:00,760
MUSIC: 'The Blue Danube'
by Strauss
319
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,760
Shit!
320
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,800
I dare both of you, I'll do it,
to take your trunks out.
321
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:11,760
No, stop there.
Come on.
322
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,760
You... I'll clean the bathroom
better for you if you do it.
323
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,760
Gordon, I'll do whatever you want.
324
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:20,760
Get yours first.
My one? Look.
325
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:23,760
Ta-dah!
326
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,760
60 seconds, max.
60 seconds.
327
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,760
All right? Go on.
328
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,760
OK!
329
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,760
Where's yours? Oh!
330
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,760
Let me see. I want to check
that this is yours.
331
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,760
Oof, right.
Pass them back now, please.
332
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,760
Yep.
Gino!
333
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,760
You done that to me in Sardinia!
334
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,760
You know, this is not funny.
Gino!
335
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,760
Oh, my God, Gino!
336
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:57,440
Gino! Hey, Gordon, have you ever
seen a white dolphin?
337
00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:58,760
A white what?
338
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,760
Jesus!
339
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,760
A white dolphin, look!
GORDON LAUGHS
340
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,760
How do we get out of here now? Gino!
341
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,760
GINO: You sure this is
the right way?
342
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:18,120
GORDON: I'm hoping so.
343
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,760
Last direction Bubba text me was,
"Look for a fence,
344
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,760
"go through the fence,
you'll see, er..."
345
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,760
Ah, very clear! "Look for a fence
and take a right on the fence."
346
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:26,760
Very clear (!)
347
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,800
'Gino, Fred and I are on
a culinary adventure in America,
348
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,760
'and we're lost in the woods
in the heart of Texas.'
349
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:36,760
Look at these houses.
They're like hunting houses, look.
350
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,760
We don't get a chance to hunt.
351
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,760
It's not PC back home, is it?
Here, it's how they survive.
352
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:45,440
These Texans, they are proper men,
aren't they?
353
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:46,800
That's good. We're gonna man up,
Gino, now.
354
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:50,120
That's exactly what we need to do.
Both of you need to man up.
355
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,760
Let me ask you a question.
356
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,760
Out of all three of us,
truthfully, now,
357
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:56,760
who do you consider being
the most manly?
358
00:15:56,760 --> 00:16:00,800
I think that you, you are
the most macho manly. That's right.
359
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,760
What about the emotional side
of a man? That's very important.
360
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,120
That's there as well.
So, if I do that, you don't mind?
361
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,760
No, but not for too long.
Ah, ma, see, see?
362
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,280
A man, a real man,
should embrace another man.
363
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:14,960
Oh, my God,
you've got so much cream on!
364
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,760
You say you're a man
and you've got so much cream on!
365
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,760
Fred! Shit, Jesus!
366
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,600
What was that? Shit.
367
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,760
What is wrong with you two?
368
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:27,760
Who would put a basket with grain
in the middle of nowhere?
369
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,760
It's a feed!
Gino, we've gotta put it back.
370
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:31,760
Gino, help me put it back up!
Come on.
371
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,760
Thank you.
Flippin' 'eck.
372
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:34,760
Stay there, hold it up.
373
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,760
Let's just put it like that,
so nobody sees that.
374
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,600
Honestly. Let's go!
375
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,760
'The next leg of our journey
376
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,960
'takes us ten miles
outside Palestine,
377
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,760
'to the remote area
around the Trinity River.'
378
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,760
How do you know where we're going,
who we're meeting?
379
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:51,960
We are in the middle of nowhere.
380
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,440
We're going to meet Hunter Bubba.
381
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,440
Come on, man, Hunter Bubba?
382
00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,440
Hunter Bubba's been fishing
all his life
383
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,760
and this man is an expert.
384
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,760
Think back when you first went
fishing with your dad,
385
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,760
and that excitement
about having that...
386
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,760
that bend on the rod
and that jigging away,
387
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,760
and just the catch.
Can I just stop you there? Please.
388
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:15,960
I've never, ever, ever
been fishing with my dad. Wow.
389
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,760
So I don't understand
all this excitement
390
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:19,800
of the rod and the line
and this and that.
391
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:23,960
I think we're getting close, guys.
It's somewhere through here. Jesus.
392
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,800
I can see a car.
There's a car. That's Bubba.
393
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,760
Is that Bubba?
That is Bubba.
394
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:31,760
Come on, how cool.
Fred, you good? Yeah.
395
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:32,800
Let's go.
Gino, help me with the cooler.
396
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,280
Yeah, I'm coming.
397
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:37,760
There he is. Bubba, good morning!
Hey, Gordon! What took so long?
398
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:38,760
FRED: Oh, my God.
399
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:42,760
It's kinda like snow skiing.
You gotta turn your feet sideways.
400
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,760
Exactly that. Good to see you, bud.
401
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:45,800
Why are you twisting like this?
402
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,120
This is Fred, this is Gino.
How are you?
403
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,280
We brought some beers.
I was hoping that was beer.
404
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:51,760
Nice to meet you.
405
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,600
You come to Texas,
you've gotta be prepared.
406
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,760
Prepared for what?
Oh, thank you.
407
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,760
You gotta have that here in Texas.
Lovely.
408
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,760
I look like a local, don't I?
Yeah. Now you'll blend in,
409
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,760
so no one will see you.
Y'all hang on to y'all's hats!
410
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,760
BOAT ENGINE ROARS
411
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:09,800
MUSIC: 'Fire On The Mountain by
Bill Monroe & The Bluegrass Boys
412
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,760
'We're headed up the Trinity River,
where the locals say
413
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,760
'the dinosaurs still swim.'
414
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:19,760
'Today, we're hunting alligator gar,
415
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:23,760
'a huge fish often weighing in
at over 200 pounds.'
416
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:27,760
'With alligator-sharp teeth,
these fish demand serious respect.'
417
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,120
That's our anchor.
OK, that's good.
418
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:34,280
How cool is this?
I've got a good feeling about this.
419
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,760
So who's gonna catch
the first fish? Me, please!
420
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,760
I am here. It's...
No! Bubba said me.
421
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:40,760
No, you say you.
Don't argue.
422
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,760
'I've been fishing
since I was a boy,
423
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:49,760
'so I'm confident
I've got this one covered.'
424
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,440
You're gonna hurt yourself.
Oh, my God!
425
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:54,760
THEY LAUGH
426
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,760
Oh, my God.
What a dipstick.
427
00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,280
We got this, we're gonna win.
428
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,600
They can't even get their bait
in the water.
429
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:02,760
Fucking Laurel and Hardy!
430
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,760
Bubba, I've got a bite.
You got a bite? I've got a bite.
431
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,760
Yeah, he's on.
Reel it again, set it again.
432
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,600
Reel down and yank back.
Reel it down.
433
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,760
There you go. Is he still on?
He's on!
434
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,280
Oh, he's off.
Oh shit!
435
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:19,760
Fuck it!
436
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,760
Do you think I tried too early,
Bubba?
437
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,760
Uh, yeah.
I think it was a little fish.
438
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,760
It was the size of a goldfish.
439
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,800
You come all the way this far,
we gotta get a big fish. Yeah.
440
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:32,600
GINO MOCKING: "Bubba,
do you think I tried too early?"
441
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:33,760
MOCK SOBBING
442
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,760
"Do you think I tried too early?"
"Ooh, I'm a real man."
443
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:44,600
What are you doing?
444
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,760
It's very hot in here.
Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
445
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,760
Come on, run again, baby, please.
446
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,760
What the hell?!
No bananas in the boat.
447
00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:58,760
What do you mean, no bananas?
448
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:01,760
No bananas, it's bad luck!
No wonder we ain't catching shit!
449
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,760
Since when eating a banana
is bad luck fishing?
450
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,280
You don't fish very much then,
if you didn't know that.
451
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,760
You never bring a banana on board.
452
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:10,120
No, we ain't gonna catch shit
with a banana in the boat.
453
00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:11,440
What the hell?
454
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:12,760
Bubba, you're too superstitious,
man.
455
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:16,760
I'm not superstitious, but
I've done seen too much shit happen
456
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:17,760
with a banana in the boat.
457
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,760
We're gonna have nothing
but bad luck from now.
458
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,800
Gino, put the fucking banana away!
Get rid of the banana!
459
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:25,120
I haven't finished the banana yet.
Throw it, throw it out the boat!
460
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:26,760
Get the banana...
Thank you.
461
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,760
Jesus Christ! Jesus.
462
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:29,760
He's eating the banana.
463
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:31,760
You jinxed the boat, man.
464
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,120
'What a lot of bollocks
with that banana thing.'
465
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:37,760
I mean, seriously,
if I hear that one more time...
466
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:40,280
I never hear so much shit
in my life.
467
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:43,760
Oh, shh, shh, shh.
Gino's got a touch.
468
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:45,760
Hey, I just want to, like,
show you something.
469
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:47,760
What?
470
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,440
Look. Banana my ass.
GINO SNIGGERS
471
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:54,760
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck you!
472
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:56,440
Pass me the rod, please.
Moi?!
473
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,760
I've caught more fish than you've
made carbonara. Pass it!
474
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,440
I'm not passing you the rod.
475
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,760
Watch, it's running now.
It's running.
476
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,760
Yank it, yank it, yank it, yank it!
Yank it, yank it!
477
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,760
What are you doing up there?
Pass me the rod!
478
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:08,760
Pass me... Pass me the rod!
Oh shit!
479
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,600
Eat my fucking banana!
480
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:11,960
Wait, wait, wait.
Oh!
481
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,760
Holy shit!
Wait, wait. Wait.
482
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,760
Bubba! You real men.
You and your bloody banana.
483
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,760
Vai, vai, Bubba. Pick... Jesus!
Watch the line.
484
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,760
Watch the line.
How do we get him out, Bubba?
485
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,760
I'm gonna rope him.
We're in Texas, we rope stuff.
486
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,760
Look at that. Huh?
Shit!
487
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,960
GINO CACKLES
Stick your rod through the hole.
488
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:31,440
That's the way it's done.
489
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:32,760
Minimum effort,
maximum satisfaction.
490
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,760
Shit!
Yes, my man.
491
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,760
Wow.
OK, I got this.
492
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:37,760
That is a beauty.
493
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:39,960
Watch out now, watch his head.
Watch the teeth.
494
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:43,280
Sharp teeth.
Hello, baby. Ha-ha!
495
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,760
Bubba, can you take the picture?
496
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,800
'That cheeky little
banana-scoffing monkey.
497
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,760
'Of all the people
to catch the first fish.'
498
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,760
That jammy little bastard.
499
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,760
Yes!
GINO AND FRED LAUGH
500
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,760
Yes! Shit.
Yes!
501
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:01,760
To have a big fish like that
on the line, it's quite exciting.
502
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:02,760
Come on, Fred.
503
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,760
To be able to beat Gordon,
that's just another win.
504
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,760
You jammy bastard!
505
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,760
'With gar fish living
up to 80 years or more,
506
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,760
'it's only right we return
this beauty back to the river.'
507
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:17,760
Bubba, we're dying to spend
the night out in the cabin.
508
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:18,760
Is that OK?
Yeah, that's fine.
509
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,760
What kind of supplies you got up
there? Some canned food and stuff.
510
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,280
Canned food?
Mmm-hmm.
511
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,760
Good luck with that one.
Yes? Safe trip back.
512
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,760
Cheers, Bubba.
Thanks very much, man.
513
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,760
You two grab the cooler.
And walk slowly, guys.
514
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,600
Can we not leave the cooler here?
515
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,760
No, we need the cooler
for the night time, come on.
516
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:34,760
Yeah, take your bananas with you!
517
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,760
Bubba, thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
518
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,760
Take care, bud.
See ya.
519
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,600
Is this the place?
520
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:44,760
Look at this place here, then.
Come on.
521
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,760
It looks abandoned.
It's not abandoned, come on.
522
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:51,760
It does. We are next to the water
and there are crocodiles.
523
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,280
Look at this.
There is not a lock?
524
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,600
Huh? Come on! He left it open.
Oh, my God.
525
00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:58,960
It's like the lodge
in Deliverance, isn't it?
526
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:00,760
Has he got something to drink?
527
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:04,120
Hey, look. Cans. Beans.
Cans. Cans of stuff.
528
00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:06,960
That's fine, take some spice.
I'll take care of that, Freddo.
529
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,760
And guys, there's our beds.
530
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:11,760
Oh, my God.
Look at all these dead animals.
531
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,760
Argh! Jesus!
532
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,760
Are you out of your mind?
What's going on with you?
533
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:16,760
Do not start with this stuff.
534
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:18,760
I don't like
all these dead animals around.
535
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,760
Guys, we've got a bathroom
here as well.
536
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:21,800
GORDON COUGHS
537
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,760
It stinks in here.
538
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,760
GORDON CHUCKLES
I'm gonna start dinner.
539
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:29,760
What are you making?
540
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,760
Er, well,
looks like a bean casserole.
541
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,760
Hey, Freddo, I've spotted
some bourbon on the top shelf.
542
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,760
I'll bring it later.
How long will it be? I'm starving.
543
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:39,760
DUELLING BANJOS THEME
544
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:45,120
This has been one of the most
exciting trips I've ever been on,
545
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,760
because Texas is...
it's all about manhood.
546
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,760
And sharing it with Gino and Fred,
547
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:51,760
it's nice to bring
their inner manhood out.
548
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:56,760
Ah! It's very good, Gino.
549
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:00,760
Jim Murray said it's one
of the best whiskeys in the world.
550
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:04,760
This is really super quality stuff.
You like it?
551
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:06,760
Shall we drink it?
Well, we've started.
552
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,280
'I mean, this place
is like no other.
553
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:12,800
'It's like nothing
I have seen before.'
554
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,760
Just completely, completely wild.
555
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,760
We are in the middle
of nowhere here.
556
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,760
I don't feel safe here man,
I'm gonna be very honest with you.
557
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,760
Look, we're gonna drink and
fall asleep. It's gonna be all fine.
558
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,760
Come on, let's go and eat.
Let's see what Gordon's doing.
559
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:27,760
Come on.
He's making beans, man.
560
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,760
Gino! Freddo!
561
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,760
Is it ready?
562
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,760
Oh Jesus. What's he doing?
563
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:38,760
He's scaring the animals.
564
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,120
I saw it on television.
You scare the animal away.
565
00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:43,760
Sit down over there. There are
a lot of mosquitoes around.
566
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,760
You know what? It's like being
like real cowboys. Look at that!
567
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,760
Cheers. Do you have any ice?
Bourbon and coke?
568
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,760
No, just drink it, like, neat, man,
like a real man.
569
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:53,760
Salute.
We are Texans now.
570
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,440
GORDON COUGHS
571
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,760
That burns my lips.
572
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,760
Nice. I love the beans.
573
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,760
You know what I like about
these beans that you just made? Say.
574
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,760
Finally someone is using
black beans, which we never use.
575
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,440
The stew is delicious, Gordon.
I'll tell you one thing.
576
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,760
Please. It reminds me
of a cassoulet. It's very French.
577
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,760
Oh, Jesus.
Very French. We're in Texas.
578
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,760
There's nothing wrong with that.
You cook French food.
579
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,760
This is bloody French.
You trained in France.
580
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,760
This is a proper Texan bean stew.
581
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,760
Listen,
I'm gonna tell you right now,
582
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,760
I'm gonna have
a farting problem tonight.
583
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,960
You have that every day,
beans won't make a difference.
584
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:29,280
See, this is gonna accelerate
my stomach thing.
585
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:30,960
I'm dying to get
into that double bed,
586
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,760
while you two take the bunkbed.
587
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,800
Are you for real? Have you seen
what he's got in there?
588
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,760
'A strange environment.
589
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,760
'The window doesn't lock really well
and neither is the door.'
590
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:44,760
And around here there is wild hogs,
there is snakes,
591
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:46,760
there are alligators.
I'm not gonna sleep at all.
592
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,760
What I'm gonna do tonight,
I'm gonna cuddle Fred
593
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,760
and I'm gonna stay there all night.
I am not moving.
594
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,760
Even if I need to go for a wee-wee,
I will do a wee-wee in the bed.
595
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,120
What are you doing?
GINO FARTS
596
00:25:58,120 --> 00:25:59,760
Oh!
What did I say to you?
597
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,760
Did I or did I not say to you
this was the problem with beans?
598
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:03,760
That is disgusting!
599
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,600
I'm telling you, I've got
a fast metabolism. Brilliant (!)
600
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,760
That is disgusting.
Well, good luck to you two in here.
601
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,760
FRED: What's going on here,
with these clothes?
602
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:23,760
What is going on?
603
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:27,760
I don't have any more socks,
I don't have any more pants.
604
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:29,760
But Gino, it's dripping with...
with water.
605
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:30,760
You didn't drain them properly.
606
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:34,760
# King of the road... #
607
00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:40,120
'Gino, Fred and I
are on an epic American road trip.
608
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:42,760
'After exploring rural Texas,
609
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,760
'we've reached the state capital,
Austin,
610
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,760
'one of the largest-growing
big cities in the US.'
611
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:51,760
FRED: I always wanted
to be a cowboy, since I'm a kid.
612
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,760
You know, I used to dress up
like a cowboy, you know? Serious?
613
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,760
With a sheriff badge and everything,
little guns.
614
00:26:56,760 --> 00:27:00,760
We had that for Christmas presents.
You know, like your holster, erm...
615
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,760
And then your cap
and the little badge, "Sheriff".
616
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:07,760
I used to do it. My dad bought
me, like, an electric train.
617
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:09,960
My one was the Wild West,
so I had the little cowboy,
618
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:11,760
so I used to dress with a hat.
619
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:13,760
Every boy wanted
to be a cowboy, right?
620
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,760
MUSIC: 'Apache' by The Shadows
621
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,760
'When you're in Austin, Texas,
622
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,760
'the place to go to dress
like a cowboy is Allens Boots.'
623
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,760
Let's go.
Thanks, Gordon.
624
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:25,760
Oh, my word.
Wow!
625
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:27,760
What about that smell?
626
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:29,760
My God, the smell.
Smells of true Texan leather.
627
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:31,760
Hello, how are you?
Welcome in. How are y'all?
628
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,760
What an amazing shop.
Thank you. How cool is this?
629
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:37,760
Boots, jeans, shirts, hat.
Is that OK? We got it all. Yes, sir.
630
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:39,760
I don't have pants, 'eh?
I do not have...
631
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,760
No, pants...
Pants are trousers here.
632
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,760
You know, the knickers.
633
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:47,440
I don't have knickers, because
we washed them yesterday. All right.
634
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,760
Let's have a look round, shall we?
635
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,760
'Allens is a family-run business
636
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:54,760
'that has been trading in Austin
since 1977.'
637
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,760
What's that called, that one?
That's a Stetson.
638
00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:00,760
It's black fur felt.
Very nice, made in Texas.
639
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,120
We'll steam it,
640
00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:04,760
we'll make sure it matches
your jawline, like mine.
641
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:09,760
Some guys want it flat,
some guys want 'em up.
642
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,440
We call it a taco
or the roll-up.
643
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:14,600
What's the coolest?
Probably the George Strait look,
644
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:15,760
which is a classic Western look.
645
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:19,440
Kind of like, Texas rancher look.
I've always wanted to be a cowboy.
646
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,760
I've always wanted
to get my balls steamed
647
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:23,440
and I think this could be the one.
648
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:24,760
Can I try?
649
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:26,760
Yeah, go for it. You might burn
yourself pretty good.
650
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,760
Gino!
GORDON LAUGHS
651
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,760
I've always wanted to do it.
652
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:33,280
STEAM HISSES
Ah! Ah!
653
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:34,760
THEY LAUGH
Get down!
654
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:37,120
This is too much!
655
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:39,760
It is good for the testicles.
It's not! It lowers sperm count.
656
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,760
See, but I had a vasectomy,
I cannot have children anymore.
657
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:44,600
Oh, nice. You're smart.
658
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,760
But the ball sack,
I want it nice and tight.
659
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:47,760
GORDON: No, no.
660
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:49,760
So, this is just, kind of,
a regular...
661
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:50,760
Like a bull-rider's crease.
662
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:52,760
Right. That's nice.
Let me see.
663
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:54,800
Yeah, that feels snug now.
So, hat sorted.
664
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,760
Clothes. Where do we go
to get fitted?
665
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:57,760
Uh, let's go back here.
666
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:01,760
I am not wearing that colour.
667
00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:03,760
What's the colour of your,
er, shirt? Blue.
668
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,440
Perfect.
Go on.
669
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:07,760
We've got some for you.
670
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:09,760
Yeah? Gino!
671
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:11,760
Hello. Gino!
Are you done?
672
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:13,760
Close the fucking door!
673
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:15,760
You ready? Yes.
Go on, Gordon. We can't wait.
674
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:20,760
Holy Toledo! Very nice!
675
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,760
What do you think?
Oh, la, la!
676
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,760
There's something quite macho,
but in a really pleasant way,
677
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:28,760
not in an obnoxious way,
being a cowboy.
678
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:30,760
Cowgirls, cowboys...
679
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,760
Er, it's a religion here,
and it needs to be respected.
680
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,760
You look like the fucking Milky Bar
boy from the adverts.
681
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:37,760
Oh!
682
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:40,600
Ah, OK.
683
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,760
Mwah!
BOTH: Oh, my God!
684
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:43,760
That's why the shirts are like this!
685
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,760
It's a rodeo, not a try-out
for a porn movie.
686
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:47,760
What is it, Freddie Does Dallas?
687
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:50,760
As a boy, I've always wanted
to be a cowboy,
688
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:52,760
like John Wayne.
And here I am, look at that.
689
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:54,600
I've dressed the part!
690
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,760
The idea is to look
like a proper rodeo cowboy, right?
691
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:58,760
Oh, yes.
Yeah? Through and through.
692
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,760
Oh, my.
Yeah? What do you think?
693
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:04,760
It's amazing.
694
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,760
SILLY VOICE: Get off your horse
and drink your beer!
695
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:09,760
ALL LAUGH
696
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:11,600
Justin is back!
697
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:12,760
The only thing I need is a belt.
698
00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:13,800
FRED LAUGHS
699
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:19,760
So, once I've got a belt on,
everything is absolutely spot on.
700
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:21,760
Are you fucking mad?
701
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:26,760
This is the day that Randy was born,
OK?
702
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,760
Justin is with me. Bring it on.
703
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:30,960
WOMAN SHRIEKS
704
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:34,760
Madam, what do you think about this,
like a true cowboy?
705
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:35,760
Right?
706
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:37,760
Uh-huh!
Didn't know they sold 'em like that.
707
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,760
Yes! Jean-y things, look.
708
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,760
SILLY VOICE: Baby, baby, baby, ooh!
709
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,280
I'm so sorry, Madame, I'm so sorry.
It's OK.
710
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:48,760
Gino's bottom is the hairiest bum
I've ever seen in my life.
711
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:52,600
MUSIC: 'Walk This Way'
by Hayseed Dixie
712
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,600
I need to put sun cream on my bum.
713
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:03,800
We're not in San Francisco.
Sun cream?
714
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:07,760
'Seriously?
Walking around a city like Austin
715
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,760
'with your arse hanging out
is not an option.'
716
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:14,760
'So, Fred and I insist
that Gino puts on some pants...'
717
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:17,760
They are too tight!
I told you these are too tight.
718
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:19,760
'..before we hit the town
for a drink.'
719
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:21,760
You're taller as well,
so be grateful!
720
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:23,760
But they're too tight!
Short arse little cowboy.
721
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,760
Gino, come on.
722
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,760
HOUSE BAND PLAYS COUNTRY TUNE
723
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:33,760
What the hell's going on here?
How are you?
724
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:35,760
Let's take a seat over
at the bar there, yes?
725
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:36,760
Let's have a drink,
let's have a drink.
726
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:38,960
'The Little Longhorn Saloon
in downtown Austin
727
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:40,760
'is a local institution.'
728
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,760
Hello.
Hey, how are you? You good?
729
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:46,440
'It's been a honkytonk hangout
for over half a century
730
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,760
'for Austin's cowboys and cowgirls.'
731
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,760
What can I get you gentlemen?
I'm Randy.
732
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,760
"My name is Randy."
Ah. My name is Randy.
733
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:57,760
Would you like a Lone Star
at Little Longhorn?
734
00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,760
Whatever you think, Madam.
735
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,760
Cheers. Salute.
Salud.
736
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:03,760
Great atmosphere.
Thank you very much.
737
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:04,760
Your shirt is awesome, I love it.
738
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:06,760
I want you to meet someone
very special.
739
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,760
Mmm?
This is my beaver.
740
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,760
Oh, nice beaver!
I'm sorry. Beautiful. No worries.
741
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:14,760
Beavers are for kilts.
Cowboys don't wear beavers, do they?
742
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,760
They do not.
What don't cowboys do?
743
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:18,800
The rules on the wall.
744
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,760
No fussin', no cussin',
no hassellin', no wresslin'.
745
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,760
And no beaverin'!
SHE LAUGHS
746
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:25,800
No beavering either? Yeah, but you
don't know what that entails.
747
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:28,760
Well, I don't wanna know,
so I'm just saying.
748
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:30,760
We've got the rodeo coming up and...
749
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:32,760
Er, you guys know a good barbeque,
right?
750
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,760
Oh, man, the best. What's
the secret behind a great barbeque?
751
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:38,760
It's the transformation.
Transformation?
752
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:40,760
You take a piece of meat,
then you have to transform it
753
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,760
into something that'll be
delicious with some spices.
754
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:46,760
Well-selected pieces of wood,
seasoned. Yes.
755
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:48,760
In the right temperature and...
Yes. ..magic.
756
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:52,760
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
757
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:54,760
BANDLEADER: Well, thank you.
758
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:56,760
Folks, we're gonna take
a quick break right now.
759
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:58,760
We've got round one of bingo
coming up,
760
00:32:58,760 --> 00:32:59,760
so, er, let's all head
out to the back.
761
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:01,760
So we come all the way to Texas
to play bingo?
762
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:02,760
Bingo. Let's go.
763
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,760
CHEERING
What's going on here?
764
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:08,760
What's going on?
It's amazing.
765
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:12,760
'But this is Texas,
so it ain't no ordinary bingo.
766
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:14,760
'It's Chicken Shit Bingo.'
767
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:15,960
You got your money out?
768
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:19,760
Terry, thank you, thank you.
How do we play?
769
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:23,600
If a chicken poops on your number,
you win 114 dollars.
770
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,280
CHEERING
Come on, Loretta!
771
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:28,760
Poop on 17! Let's go, Loretta!
Here we go.
772
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:29,760
PATRONS CLAMOUR
773
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:31,760
Come on, Loretta, 17, 17!
Lucky number, 17.
774
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:35,760
Is it me, or this is weird?
This is weird.
775
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:37,760
This is flipping weird, man.
Here we go, here we go.
776
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,760
'The chicken doesn't seem
quite as excited as the punters,
777
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:42,760
'but it's a long-standing tradition,
778
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,760
'and chickens have been shitting
here for 25 years.'
779
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:47,760
STAFF MEMBER: Come on, Loretta,
any number on the board.
780
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:48,760
Come on, girl!
781
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,760
MAN: Blow on her butt.
She's so close! Blow on her butt.
782
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:54,760
Blow, blow, blow, blow, blow, blow!
Harder, harder, harder!
783
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:56,760
I can't believe I'm blowing
on a chicken ass.
784
00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:58,760
WOMAN: That's what happens
when you get here.
785
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:00,600
Hey, she likes it, just like I do.
786
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,760
THEY LAUGH
787
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,760
Chicken, shit, bingo.
788
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:08,760
I mean, you've gotta come up
with that, don't you?
789
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:11,760
Justin, talk to Loretta,
animal to animal.
790
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:14,760
SILLY SINGING VOICE:
Baby, baby, baby, ooh!
791
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:16,760
CHEERING
792
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:19,960
STAFF MEMBER: Number seven!
Number seven!
793
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:22,760
CHEERING
Oh, I can't believe it!
794
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:24,760
No!
CROWD: Seven!
795
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,280
How much has he won?
114 dollars.
796
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,760
Shit!
Wow! Yeah!
797
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:31,760
The beers are on Gino!
CHEERING
798
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:33,760
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
799
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:37,760
Of all the people to win.
I mean, that little fucker!
800
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:41,960
HOUSE BAND PLAYS COUNTRY MUSIC
801
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,760
'In Texas, they say if
you don't like country and western,
802
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,760
'you ain't got no soul.
803
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:55,760
'And these cowboys are living proof
that real men do dance.'
804
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:58,760
Hi, would you like to dance?
805
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,760
Oh, I'm so bad at dancing.
It's all right, it's OK.
806
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:03,760
You sure? Er, yeah, yeah, yeah.
807
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,760
Why don't you stand on my feet,
I'll move you? Ha-ha, I love it!
808
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:10,280
Er, so we go, er, one, two, two?
Sure. No, you tell me.
809
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,760
Slow, slow, quick, quick.
Right.
810
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,760
What kind of a move is that?
What...?
811
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:17,760
Get, get... Get more...
Come on, Gordon!
812
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,760
It's not that kind of dancing,
you knob!
813
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,760
You've gotta get closer!
Closer. Like that.
814
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:24,760
I'm so sorry.
815
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,760
Gordon, like that.
Like that.
816
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:32,760
GORDON LAUGHS
I'm so sorry. Stop it!
817
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:34,600
Mate!
818
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:35,760
I'm sorry, sir. Madam, I'm so sorry.
819
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:38,760
GINO: Little turning,
little turning!
820
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:39,800
Oh, my God. They're so bad.
821
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,760
Would you like to dance?
Mmm, oh yes.
822
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:47,600
Er, be careful, the beaver.
He bites.
823
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:49,760
HE IMITATES BEAVER YAPPING
Sorry.
824
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:53,760
WOMAN LAUGHS
His name is Justin. Justin!
825
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,760
Oh, they're causing trouble.
Life's good, right?
826
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:56,760
Oh yeah. They're crazy.
827
00:35:56,760 --> 00:36:00,760
BOTH: Slow, slow, quick, quick.
828
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:04,760
Oh, we can do the, er, twist thing.
Oh, look at that.
829
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:06,760
Hey, excuse me,
will you stop hitting me?
830
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:10,440
Get closer, get closer!
Watch, watch, watch. Huh?
831
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:13,760
Not so tight!
832
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:15,760
Ma, get not so tight,
beaver to beaver, my friend!
833
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:19,760
WOMAN LAUGHS
That's the motto.
834
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:21,120
Yee-hah!
835
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:28,760
GINO WHISTLES MELANCHOLY TUNE
836
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:31,760
ALL WHISTLE ALONG
837
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:35,760
'It's the last day of our epic road
trip across Mexico and America.'
838
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:39,760
I'm gonna tell you something
that I didn't think I'd say today.
839
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,760
Go on.
I'm gonna miss you both.
840
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:45,760
I'm gonna miss you too, guys.
841
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:50,760
I... I'm missing you both already.
842
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:53,800
SINGING: I love you two motherf...
HORN SOUNDS
843
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:55,760
GORDON LAUGHS
844
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:56,800
GINO: Ooh, hoo...
845
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:01,760
'Gino, Fred and I are in Texas,
846
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:03,760
'travelling north to the town
of Stephenville
847
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,760
'for a classic American rodeo.
848
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:10,760
'And I'm planning an amazing,
authentic last supper barbeque
849
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:11,760
'for the boys.'
850
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:13,760
Brisket, I've got.
Yeah.
851
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,760
Ribs, we've got. Sausage we've got.
Sausage we've got, yeah.
852
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:18,760
If you get into trouble,
you're not sure how to cook them,
853
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:20,960
let me know!
So, one second,
854
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:22,760
if I'm not sure how
to cook sausages? Yes.
855
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:24,280
I'll let you know?
Yes.
856
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:27,760
Let me take charge, OK?
And it'll all be fine.
857
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,760
I'm pit master on that barbeque.
Oh, my God, we've got a master.
858
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:32,960
Here we go. What's wrong?
You and your master!
859
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:35,760
Master here, master there.
You're a master...
860
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,440
Masturbator, that's what you are.
A debator?
861
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:40,760
A masturbator!
862
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:43,760
FRED LAUGHS
That's not very nice!
863
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:47,960
We are here. Brace yourselves.
This is the place?
864
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:49,760
This is the rodeo.
865
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:52,760
ANNOUNCER: Hello everybody, welcome
866
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,760
to the cowboy capital
of the world.
867
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,760
Wow!
868
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:03,760
'Today is Stephenville's
50th anniversary rodeo
869
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,280
'and with some of
the world's best riders,
870
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:10,760
'it's just about as big as it gets
in the rodeo world.'
871
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:12,760
What a way to celebrate
our last day.
872
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,120
I feel man-ready!
873
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:16,760
'The main event
is saddle bronc riding.'
874
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:19,760
ANNOUNCER: Let the good times roll!
875
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:26,760
'Once released, the goal is
to hold on for eight seconds,
876
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:29,440
'until the buzzer sounds.'
877
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:30,760
Wow.
That's crazy!
878
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:36,760
'Riders who can stay on
are scored out of 100.'
879
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:40,760
ANNOUNCER: The better you ride, the
more control, the bigger the score!
880
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:43,760
Oh, my God.
Whoo!
881
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,760
'One wrong move
and dislocations or broken bones
882
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:50,760
'is a real possibility.
But, if you're good enough,
883
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:53,760
'the pay-off is heroic status
amongst the crowd.'
884
00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:57,760
You are crazy, man.
885
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,760
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
886
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:01,760
Guys, let's go.
887
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:04,760
GINO: I'm hungry.
888
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:07,760
'We haven't eaten anything
since last night
889
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:08,760
'and we're all starving.'
890
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:10,760
Let's get the wood in.
891
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:12,760
'I can't wait to fire up the smoker
for the final cook
892
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:14,760
'of our American road trip.'
893
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:18,760
Texas absolutely nails the word
"barbeque". Everyone thinks,
894
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:20,760
"Get it glowing, white heat,
super-hot." No,
895
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:22,760
this thing is low and slow.
896
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:25,960
Put too much wood,
it'll be too hot. Yeah.
897
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:27,760
OK, so, time?
898
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:29,600
Gotta get brisket on first,
right?
899
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:31,760
Brisket? Thank you.
Come on, the ribs.
900
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:33,960
Is it me, or this looks
like a choo-choo train?
901
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:35,760
It does.
902
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:37,760
Take that stupid bit of fur off.
Come here. No.
903
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,440
Justin stays here.
Jesus Christ, man.
904
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:42,760
It needs to go. You can't walk...
"No, I don't want to go."
905
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:43,760
FRED LAUGHS
906
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:46,760
See, you laugh. You laugh at him.
Now you're his age.
907
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:48,760
Because he's funny.
"I don't want to go,
908
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:49,760
"I'm part of the group."
909
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:51,280
Listen, guys,
910
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:53,760
This is the most important part
of the trip for me
911
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:55,600
and you two
aren't gonna screw it up, OK?
912
00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:01,760
I was really concerned that those
two grasped what it took, you know,
913
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:02,960
to kick-start an amazing barbeque.
914
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,760
You got a piece of meat?
915
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:07,760
THEY CHUCKLE
916
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:13,440
Quick, quick, quick.
Hey. Who brought this?
917
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,760
I thought, for emergency.
Don't start to throw away, because
918
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:17,760
just in case your marinade
doesn't work.
919
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:19,760
OK, count to ten. One...
920
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:23,760
You guys have lost the plot!
921
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,760
FRED LAUGHS
922
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:29,760
GORDON: Oi!
923
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:34,760
Seriously?
That's just gone in my hair!
924
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:37,760
Well, this is not gonna be fun,
is it?
925
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:39,760
The only thing he does,
he makes noise, that guy.
926
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:41,440
Just moans, moans, moans.
927
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:43,280
Bring me the stuff.
Salt and pepper, that's it.
928
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,800
'I'm gonna miss Gordon, er,
always saying
929
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:47,760
'that he's the best at everything,
930
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:51,760
'he's the master of everything,
he's the macho of everybody.'
931
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:54,280
You know, that, kind of,
voice in the back, a bit annoying,
932
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,760
but yet comfortable to hear.
933
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:59,760
Is the corn in?
The corn is going.
934
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:01,960
I want it in the top shelf,
the smoker, please, yes?
935
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,600
Yes, Gordon.
Yes, pit master. Yes, pit master.
936
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,760
Sausages. Just say nothing.
Let him do everything and take over.
937
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,800
The corn is going in.
Are these seasoned? Leave it to me.
938
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,960
Seasoned.
Don't put them with the tray,
939
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,960
put them straight on the grill, 'eh?
You're telling ME that?
940
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:19,760
You're being the alpha male lion,
wanna take over.
941
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:22,760
Somebody needs to take control.
Who's doing the potato salad?
942
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:24,760
I'll do it.
Who's doing the beans?
943
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:25,760
I'll do it.
OK.
944
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,760
Like everything else!
I'm going to the rodeo.
945
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:31,800
So, what are we gonna do?
Play with yourselves.
946
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:35,760
Oh, come on. Wait for us!
It's the last day, Gordon!
947
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:38,800
The problem is that he cannot cry.
He cannot express his... No.
948
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:42,760
..his feelings. He's stuck
inside his Gordon Ramsay body.
949
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:43,760
Mr Macho Man.
950
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:46,760
ANNOUNCER: Come to
the cowboy capital of the world.
951
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:48,760
That's it, let's rock.
Here we go.
952
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:51,120
ANNOUNCER: It's a riding contest!
953
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:54,800
'600 pro athletes are competing
for a 140,000-dollar prize.
954
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:59,600
'The ultimate goal, to reach the
ProRodeo national finals in Vegas.'
955
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:01,760
The stakes are high,
but it's bloody dangerous.
956
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:06,120
CHEERING
957
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:08,760
Oh!
958
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:11,120
ANNOUNCER: 83 and a half.
959
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,760
I mean, it's not good for your back,
this, huh?
960
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:17,760
ANNOUNCER: Number 22
in the world standings.
961
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:20,760
LIVELY ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
962
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:24,760
Shit.
963
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:29,800
'In many ways, it's like
a local derby back home.'
964
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,280
It's like Chelsea versus Tottenham.
965
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,760
You know, everybody comes out,
the good and the great
966
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:36,760
and there are thousands of people
in attendance.
967
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:40,760
ANNOUNCER: Judges love it, 86.5!
968
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:43,760
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
969
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:45,960
Wow. That's crazy.
970
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:50,760
ANNOUNCER: That is the highest score
of the weekend.
971
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,120
We've gotta mop now.
972
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:55,760
'Whilst we've been enjoying
the rodeo...'
973
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:56,760
Wow.
974
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:59,760
'..our meat has been cooking
low and slow.'
975
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:02,760
It starts with that post oak,
the dryness of it,
976
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:04,600
and just that flavour
the bark puts in,
977
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:07,600
and then you mop, on the hour,
every hour.
978
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:09,760
So, I'm really pleased with it.
979
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:12,440
Gino? Yeah?
Look at this. I've got mine.
980
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:14,760
Freddo, just look how juicy this is.
981
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:17,760
'We've taken everything we've learnt
982
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,760
'and got ourselves
a real Texan barbeque.'
983
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:25,760
Oh! It's tender.
Ah!
984
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:29,760
Do you wanna try the ribs?
Yes, please. Here, Gino.
985
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:31,760
One second.
Oh, my God.
986
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:35,800
And how are the easiest
things to cook, sausages?
987
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:37,760
How are they?
Mmm. Try this.
988
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,760
Smoked.
Fred, Fred?
989
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:41,760
Oh, my God.
990
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:44,800
'There's way too much meat
for us three,
991
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,280
'but luckily, some of the locals
seem to think
992
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:51,760
'it smells irresistible too.
And we're more than happy to share.'
993
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:53,760
Brisket, sausage, or rib?
Definitely brisket.
994
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:56,760
That's a good man, well done bud.
Here's some ribs for you.
995
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:58,760
That's beautiful brisket.
A rib? Sure.
996
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:00,760
Oh, surprise! Thank you.
997
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:03,760
Guys, we've got potato salad,
we've got coleslaw on the table.
998
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:05,960
And corn.
How beautiful is that brisket?
999
00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:10,760
'I think the misconceptions,
you know, back home,
1000
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:14,760
'with American cuisine, is that
it's big and bold and tasteless.
1001
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:16,760
'Delve in off the beaten track,
1002
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:18,760
'there's a passion there
beyond belief.'
1003
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:21,760
You've gotta get out the cities,
you know, into the provinces,
1004
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:25,760
and really dig deep.
When you find it, it's beautiful.
1005
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:27,760
Right, how was the brisket?
WOMAN: Amazing.
1006
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,760
ALL: Really good.
How were the ribs?
1007
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:32,760
Good! Very sweet.
1008
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:34,960
But most importantly,
how was the sausage?
1009
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:37,760
ALL: It was spicy.
Spicy!
1010
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:46,760
It's actually quite sad.
Are you crying?
1011
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:49,760
I... You know, there's something,
something quite emotional.
1012
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:53,760
I mean, this, for me, is one of the
most authentic dinners we've cooked.
1013
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:57,760
It was a... a heartfelt cook today,
1014
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:00,120
because in our minds,
it's the last time
1015
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,760
we're cooking together for a while.
1016
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:03,760
Come on.
1017
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:06,760
Did you like my brisket?
Yes. Did you like my sausage?
1018
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:08,760
Yes. Did you like my ribs?
ALL: Yes!
1019
00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:09,800
THEY LAUGH
1020
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:11,760
Well done, well done.
good job.
1021
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:15,760
As far as a trip, as far
as an experience is concerned,
1022
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:17,760
this has just been
the best trip ever.
1023
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:19,760
It's come to an end.
I know.
1024
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:21,760
Every good thing comes to an end,
my friends.
1025
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:24,760
Every good thing comes to an end.
1026
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:28,760
I'm just gonna miss the boys
because I genuinely love those guys.
1027
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:30,760
It was an amazing trip.
You'll go back a better chef
1028
00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:32,760
and you'll going back
a better person.
1029
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:34,760
What about you?
A better man.
1030
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:36,600
A better man as well?
Yes!
1031
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:37,760
THEY LAUGH
1032
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:44,760
I've got an idea. Why don't we play
road trip roulette?
1033
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:45,760
Where are we gonna go next?
1034
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:48,760
So, get a dollar
and write the destination on.
1035
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:51,760
Good luck. I don't think
I know how to spell it.
1036
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:53,600
Come on, Gino.
1037
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:56,760
So, who's gonna pick it?
I'm gonna pick it. Here we go.
1038
00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:57,800
The master of masters.
Here we go.
1039
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:03,760
Yes! That is a dream come true.
1040
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,760
To the next trip, boys.
Cheers.
1041
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:07,440
I'll see you in Kathmandu!
1042
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:08,760
Where the fuck is Kathmandu?
1043
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:11,760
Boys, it's been a pleasure.
82055
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