Original subtitles

My name's Baba Joe, and this here's my family in France.

That one handsome boy there on the end is my honey and my sweetest sweetheart,

Cornfield. But that's not his Christian name. But that's okay, because he's not

Christian. He's atheist.

I think we're going to marry someday.

I love you, Mark. I love you. That boy just makes me giddy.

That girl standing next to Cornfed?

Why, that's Dottie Mae.

She's been after my Cornfed for a coon's age.

But I won't let her get to him.

She'd have to crawl over my dead and bloated corpse to win him over.

Dottie Mae does make yummy good pies, though.

That's Cousin Willie next to her in line.

He's a real hard worker, but he don't talk much.

Lately, he's been questioning his relationship to all of us.

Nobody seems to know exactly.

Say, if I'm Zeke's first cousin, once removed...

Let's see, that would make me Amos' second

cousin, twice removed.

Damn, I just don't know.

Like I said, nobody seems to know exactly whose cousin he is.

Oh, and this here, that's Sweet Pea.

She's none too bright, but I love her like a little sister.

In fact... She may be my little sister, but that's another story.

Sweet Pea, she likes her gun better than anything.

Gotcha, you little damn varmint.

I love you.

Sweet Pea ain't around much, but she's always hunting or killing something.

And that last one there, well, that's me, Bobby Joe.

I have big plans for myself.

I'm gonna be a movie star.

You are so pretty.

You are gonna be the most famousest movie star ever.

We all live on a big farm way out here in Kula County.

That's not even on the map, I don't think.

This here's my story, and I'm telling it like it is.

Lookie there, Tweepy must have found a groundhog to hunt.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

Hey there, Baba Joe.

What the hell is this? I was wondering if you could share some, some,

your know -how with me about something that's... Sure thing, sweet pea. What's

bothering you?

Well, lately I've been having some kind of fun of feelings.

Weed down deep inside about Cousin Willie.

Oh, Sweet Pea, you be talking about the birds and the bees.

Well, I'll tell you all about them birds and bees, and then you can

share your knowledge with Cousin Willie.

I think he's sweet on you, too.

Okay, tell me.

Okay, it's like this. You do.

Dottie Mae.

Well, howdy there, corn fan.

What you doing?

I'm just working here on this whatchamacallit thing. What brings you

You do, corn fan.

I just stopped on by to say hello.

Hello.

And I brought you some of my pie.

Want a taste?

Do I?

Of course, yeah.

That there is the best pie you've ever made.

Yeah.

I have to save it for after dinner.

What are you doing for supper?

Well, I'd love to stay, thank you.

But I have some more baking to do.

Kisses? Mmm, thank you.

Well, you feel free to come on by.

Oh, okay.

Bye.

And then you just take off your clothes and you just do what seems most

natural. I don't know, Baba Jo. None of what you was talking about before

sounded like anything natural.

I don't know about all this.

You're going to have to trust me there, sweet pea.

You know all them feelings you've been feeling inside?

They're going to go right down between your legs.

And then it's the rest that's just going to happen.

You're going to become a woman, man.

All right, Bobby Joe. I'll give it a whirl.

But first I want to go kill something.

Here, relax with me.

Gotta love that girl.

Hey there, Bobby Joe.

Hey there, Cousin Willie.

Just taking the stroll.

me two varmints.

Two bunny rabbit things.

Now what's he doing to her?

Wow. That must be what Bob and Joe was talking about.

Them buddies be fucking.

God.

Sure do go fast.

I could do that.

Fuck you.

I want you to be done.

Whoa, Sleepy.

I've been thinking about you so much.

I want to try something with you.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Sleepy.

Sleepy, what are you doing?

I've been thinking about you so much, Cousin Willie. I just have to have you.

Like all of you. Like the rabbits.

It's gonna be just like the rabbits.

Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah.

I've seen why they do this.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

Fuck you.

Deeper, deeper.

Faster, deeper.

Faster.

Fuck me some more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, God, please.

Cousin Willie, I'm pooped.

Sweet Pea, who the hell's cousin am I anyway?

Well, Cousin Willie, I don't think you're anyone's real cousin.

We just always called you that.

So don't worry about it.

Well, I'm going to tell you what's going to happen, all right? Because you were

put here for one reason, and that was to make babies.

So we're going to put a bun in that oven. And when you drop that bun and you

have another bun, you're going to have another bun. And so I'll get enough boys

to work this meal. Oh, Corvette, is that what you think that I'm going to do?

I'm going to tell you what I think.

You all see the sweet thing?

Damn.

Corvette, I am not going to make him a shame. Yes, you are going to make him a

shame. No, I'm not. Well, I ain't carrying the baby. You've got to carry

baby.

I'm here so I'll cook your supper, and I'll do your dirty laundry, and I'll

clean your floors. Well, you cook my supper now, and you do my dirty laundry.

Have you reached the same cousin, Willie?

Thank you.

Do my laundry now!

Don't you think that I have dreams?

I've got dreams, and I've got aspirations.

Well, I had aspirations, too, but that ointment, the doctor gave me got rid of

it. And as far as your dreams are concerned, I...

You sure you don't understand a sweet thing?

Why, Cornfield, I'll tell you just how I'll know you. Tell me how you're going

to get to Hollywood. Just like this. Well, let me see that. Give me a hair.

Watch that, Red.

Look,

it says right there, Hollywood is waiting for you.

Actresses and models.

my wheelie.

Thank you.

They want me to come out. So what you're going to do is you're going to walk 10

miles into town, use the phone, call Hollywood. Oh, Hollywood's going to come

down here to get you. Is that what you're telling me?

Daddy May, that's a nice pie. Is that a nice pie? That's the nicest pie I've

ever seen. Is that a nice pie, Daddy May?

Bobby Joe, you see that nice pie? That's a nice pie.

I swore I saw a sweet pea.

You ain't seen it?

Man.

Well, you know, I couldn't help but overhear.

And, Bobby Joe, I think you should go to Hollywood.

And, Corn Fan, how dare you try to keep her here when her heart's in Hollywood?

Now, Daddy May, you just stay out of this.

think you're a fight.

So you just stand over there and you just shut your cake hole.

Or should I say your pie hole.

Has anybody seen Cousin Willie?

No.

Well, you know, Johnny's right.

Bobby, I was wrong.

I think you should go to Hollywood. I think you should chase your dreams and

your...

And that thing there, you should chase it, whatever it is. I don't know why you

want to catch it, but you should chase it. And if that's your decision to do

that, and you want to go to Hollywood and become an actress, then I back your

decision. You go ahead and do that thing, and I'll be backing you with it.

Because I love you.

Really, Corn Fed?

Really. And you're still going to love me?

This much.

Oh.

Love you.

Well, then it's decided.

I'm going to Hollywood, and I'm going to be a big...

Take care now, Cousin Willie.

You take care of my sweet pea for me.

Aw, shucks. You know I will.

Hey, what all did you tell her about the birds and the bees anyway?

Well, nothing really.

I just told her to let things come naturally like they should.

You know how sweet pea is, though.

She likes watching the animals.

Yeah, rabbits.

I think she's been watching lots of rabbits.

And Dottie Mae, you're going to have to feed my corn fed while I'm away.

Oh, Bobby Joe, don't you worry.

I'm going to take extra good care of your corn fed.

Extra good care. Well, you don't need extra good taking care of.

Bobby Joe, Bobby Joe, Bobby Joe, Bobby Joe.

I'm going to miss you so much.

Oh, I'm going to miss you too, corn fed.

And I'm going to write you letters every day.

And I'm going to send loads of kisses on the wind.

I love you, Cornfield.

Oh, I love you, Cornfield. You know I love you.

Oh,

that's my bus.

I gotta get going.

Oh, where is that sweet pea?

Oh,

I'm gonna miss my bus.

Papa Joe, you gotta promise me. This is my good luck watermelon.

And you got to keep it with you all the time because it's going to make you

famous. It's going to be great.

You promise you'll keep it with you? Promise, promise, promise.

I promise.

Okay. I promise, sweetie. I'll keep it with me all the time.

Always, okay?

Okay. I'm going to miss you.

I'm going to miss you too, Baba Jo.

I'll leave you a bus. Gotta go.

Now you tell that girl whatever she wants to hear. That price is fine.

Because time she gets back to nowhere.

When she gets back to nowhere, Bill, that check will be bouncing all over

I told you to trust me on this.

Bye -bye.

And how could I help you?

Well, I came here to answer this here ad.

Well, this is the right place, ain't it?

It says right there you're looking for actresses and models and stuff.

Uh -huh, and stuff.

Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?

What's your specialty?

Well, I'm really good at making things grow.

I really like vegetables the best.

Ain't hardly no work at all with vegetables.

And I'm pretty good with fruits and things, too.

By looking at you, I would never guess.

But I'll tell you what. You want a job?

I'll give you a job.

I need you back here at 9 .30 tomorrow morning.

But I gotta make sure you can do this job, okay?

Well, I ain't that good with acting.

Is there gonna be a lot of talking?

Wow, you are a firecracker.

Nope, much talking at all. Let's just get right to it.

Excuse me, but is this the way that things are done here in Hollywood?

Oh, this is how all the real deals are done.

Now, this is Van Nuys, not Hollywood.

Well, okay.

Yeah,

I think...

Good. Better that way. I do.

Oh, my.

You don't really like this.

I feel so nice.

You're making me feel so good.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

You like that? Yeah.

Uh huh.

Yes. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Fuck you Oh, that's it. Fuck me. Fuck me.

Oh, yes. Fuck me. Fuck me.

Oh my

gosh.

I do. I do. I do.

Oh

Did I do good?

You did real good.

You should be proud of yourself.

I'm going to put you in a hotel right across the street.

You start working first thing tomorrow morning, okay?

Okay. Now get your shit and get out of here.

Okay. Okay.

Um... Yeah, take the fucking watermelon too, okay?

Here, Corn Bear.

I already got my first job.

I got myself an agent, too.

He picked a new name for me.

Gloria Hold.

Said that name would sell a million movies.

Imagine that. A million.

Things here couldn't be better.

I miss you a whole lot.

Right soon.

All my love, Bobby Joe, a .k .a.

Gloria Hall.

Dearest Swaypay, hope you're doing fine.

Don't tell Cornstead.

But things are a lot different out here than I was expecting.

Do you know that people just throw out their couches and mattresses when

done with them?

Right out on the sides of the road.

Stacked up in front of their homes.

This truly is the land of milk and honey.

I carry your lucky watermelon everywhere with me.

People look at me funny. I think they're just jealous that I have one and they

don't.

My agent says he can have me working every day if I want, at least for the

month.

They love fresh meat out here.

That's what I am.

I guess that's movie talk for new faces.

You take care now, and tell Cousin Willie I says hi.

Love, Bobby J.

Drop some wire in there, guys.

Okay, how much more time do we have on lighting? We need to get this done,

Ten minutes. All right.

Oh, hello.

You must be the new girl.

What's your name, honey? My name's... Your name?

Gloria. My name's Gloria Holm.

Gloria Holm. Yeah.

Great name, honey. Listen, you need to get in makeup right away. As soon as

you're done with that, I need to get you back here right now. As soon as you're

done, okay? You need to hurry up and wait. It's very important. We need to

on this. We're running behind.

Okay? Can I get a P .A. in here? Somebody got to get her into makeup

Please, now.

Somebody.

By the way, honey, nice melons. I mean, melon.

Wow. You must be the new little tart.

You going to be fucking in the next scene?

Come on over here, darling. We got lots of things to do.

Nice boots.

Well, let me have your melon.

Nice, baby. Have a seat.

Come on, we've got lots of stuff to do. Let's see, this hair.

Oh, fuck.

Okay.

Teasing.

Now, nice color. Now, is this your natural color?

Well, of course it is.

My grandmama had that color, too.

Oh, well, I guess we'll be seeing later whether or not you really are a redhead.

You know...

I have done so many lifts in this business, I don't know why we do it.

off in a moment.

Just paint them on, block them off. Paint them on, block them off. It's

nice. Why do you put powder on them?

Well, now it's powder, honey. It makes you so you don't look like it's greasy.

So you're not greasy.

Oh. And then you don't look like a little country bumpkin. Let's get some

this in here.

Gotta get the sculpting in here. What?

It's blush. Grandma says when you wear blush that it means that you're easy.

Well, hopefully it'll work for you today, honey.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, wow.

You're Nina Hartley. You're the hugest actress.

Wow.

Kind of busy here?

Yeah, busy trying to get a better part in my next movie.

Listen, honey.

Gloria, wasn't it?

You need to get into wardrobe right away. That outfit's not going to work,

Take a hike.

Knife Nellon.

Yes, how about that rave?

There's always an angle with you girls.

Oh, you're definitely in the next movie.

And the next.

And the next.

Oh my god,

yes!

Yeah.

Hurry, baby.

Hurry.

I'm running out of time. You're doing good.

Oh, you're doing real good.

Oh, yes.

Just like that. Just like that.

I'm going to come. I'm going to come. I'm going to come.

You can finish that one. I'm on your next set.

You're kidding.

I mean, hardly. I don't give a hot thing like that.

I can't trust anybody in this town!

Don't touch that.

Don't touch that.

You're kind of cute. What's your name?

I'm Gloria.

Who's watermelon?

Gloria Holmes. There's watermelon going on here. Who are you? Where's my

watermelon?

This watermelon is not supposed to be on the set.

Get this watermelon off the set, please.

Oh,

excuse us. Can we get this watermelon? We're sorry.

This freaks us. People, can we not try not to walk on, keep this straight,

please? People? Don't touch that.

Come on, people.

Let's do it. You're in it.

Who put this watermelon on? It's not funny.

Nice melon.

Why does it check out a water bottle?

I don't know why she's carrying a water bottle. Why does it check out a water

bottle?

Oh, you brought a bag.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

What's that for?

It's too technical for you.

Oh, that's right.

Can I... Do I have time to go to the bathroom?

You're new, aren't you?

Sure.

Oh, okay.

We're in a hurry.

Are we? Yeah.

This is when you're done.

Thank you.

What a weird chick, dude.

Oh, fuck you.

Oh, hello again.

Hi. What the fuck are you doing here?

Well, I just needed to take a tinkle and, well, I seem to be a bit lost.

You got that right. Look, I need you on set in exactly two minutes, okay? You

need to tinkle? The bathroom's around here.

Go. Hurry.

Thank you. Two minutes.

Appreciate it.

I really like your melon.

She's got a great melon. Yes.

Yes. Fuck.

Yes.

Oh, fuck yes.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

So fucking pretty.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh, baby.

Oh, fuck.

Yes.

Deep.

As deep as you can take it.

Oh. Fuck.

Yes, yes, yes.

Just like that.

Oh.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Yes.

Uh -huh.

What would you say if I did this?

Oh, yes.

So fucking nice. I love this.

Right there.

I see a Nicolita.

Thank you.

Tell me.

Oh, you cuck. Now tell me in Spanish.

Oh,

I love you.

I can't

Thank you, sweetie.

Look at the dildos. Look at the dildos.

Where's your penis so we can compare?

Somewhere in between, I think.

Okay, looking good. We need to get these candles lit. How are we doing with

lighting? Are we good? Good.

Good? Sound?

Sound? Sound's up. Sound's up. Okay.

Sounds good.

You guys ready to go? Everybody warmed up, ready to go? Yeah.

You're always ready. I'm always ready, yeah.

You doing good?

Okay.

the watermelon.

It's my good luck watermelon.

My bestest friend back home, Sweet Pea, she gave it to me.

For good luck.

And you carry it with you everywhere? Everywhere.

No way, really?

Okay.

Well, Joel, you know how these could work.

I want soft and hard. Okay.

I want hard.

Both of them.

Giving, receiving.

Three or four positions. We'll work it out and go nuts.

All right?

Okay. Can I have them do the oral on me first?

Whatever is natural. You know how it is.

Cool.

How does this work? She looks a little nervous.

We'll show you how this works.

You sit over here first.

I'll sit in the middle.

You might have to part with that watermelon for just a little bit.

Here, give it to me.

Yeah, you can have it back when you're done. You want to give it to me?

We'll take good care of it.

All right, is the calendar ready?

Can the PA come in and take care of the watermelon?

I'll just leave it right there. It'll be fine.

Okay. Do we have a camera?

Are we speeding?

Speeding. Looks like it's my good luck charm too.

Action.

Watch what she does and do what she does.

Now touch her too.

Touch each other. There you go.

That's good.

Now teach her to talk nasty a little.

Oh, I don't know if I can do that.

Try it.

I want to suck your big hard cock.

I want to feel your big hard cock.

Try it one more time.

It's weird.

Well, I want to feel your big heart.

I can't do it.

It takes a little while. Everyone's nervous at first.

Put your hand on my dick when you say it. It'll be more convincing.

Wow.

That's so big.

I want to feel your big heart.

It's tricy in it.

Oh, my God.

Why is it so big? The underwear won't even keep it in.

This is a good thing.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

shit. Oh, it looks like she's doing just fine.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh,

man.

Oh, shit.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's it.

Oh.

Yeah, just like that.

You see a big dick like

that back home, huh?

Growing big back home.

Back to big.

Why your cock tastes so good.

You like sucking on that cock, huh?

I like sucking on your cock.

You're a bad girl, huh?

Oh, yeah.

It's gonna be even better.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, my.

Oh, my.

Oh.

Oh,

my. Oh, my.

Oh, my.

Sure, in a minute.

He'll be back.

He'll be back.

Oh no!

Thank you.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You're a natural.

I brought you another popcorn film.

You love my pie.

Thank you.

Slap that bad tongue of that evil God.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's it.

Come on.

Give

it

to me.

It's so good.

It's so good in my ass.

Extra good care.

I can't do this. I have to be back in Kona County with my corn fed.

Because that's where my heart is.

So how did it go?

Well, I guess it went pretty good.

Well, I kind of came here to talk to you about something.

I've been doing some thinking.

And, you know, I had a friend one time, and she told me to

follow my heart and do what I felt was right.

And as much as I like the Hollywood and glamour and all that stuff,

I think I need to be back home in Coolidge County.

I miss everybody. I miss my family, and I miss my friends.

I miss Cousin Willie.

And I even miss Dottie Mae and her pies.

And I miss my corn bed.

And as much as, you know, as I like it here, I want to tell him that I was

and that my dreams and aspirations aren't what I thought they was.

And that I want to do what he wants to do. He wants to put a bun or two in my

oven.

And that's where I belong is back home.

I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

Max is gonna be pissed off, though.

He's really counting on you.

Well,

I guess I'll get another girl.

Oh, well.

Hey, Jimmy.

That cotton candy, whatever the hell her name was, is that girl available

tomorrow?

Uh -huh.

Good, I'm gonna go ahead and eat her.

Hey, hold on a second.

What the hell's up with that watermelon?

Jesus. Yeah.

No, nine. Nine, nine, nine, nine, nine.

Okay.

Bobby Joe, you come back.

Oh, Corn Fed, I made a mistake.

My heart is here in Kula County with you.

and Cousin Willie, and Sweet Pain, and, well, even with Dottie Mae,

I want to stay here where things are simple.

I want to stay here with you forever and ever and ever.

Sweetie, would you do me a small favor?

Would you take your socks off?

It kind of reminds me of a dream I had once.

If that's what you like.

You want me to put them somewhere?

No. Just take them off.

Appreciate it. Thanks. Okay.

I don't think I've ever done it without my socks on.

Your toes won't get cold, I promise.

Oh, that's nice.

Take my coffee.

Take my coffee. Oh, yeah.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Oh, yes.

Yes, I missed you. Because I love you. Oh, I love you.

Like the way my mouth feels around your cock.

Like the way my cock feels all the way in the back of your throat.

You are naughty boy.

mouth with it like we used to.

Yeah.

Come on, snap.

There's no snap. Oh. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, Corbin.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you like that, don't you?

Oh.

Come on.

Oh, yeah. Oh,

yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I want it on my face. Yeah? Will you give it to me?

You want it? Yes.

You want it where?

On my face. You want it on your face? Yes.

Please.

Fuck me.

So, that's my story.

Some things in life just aren't as important as others.

I knew where my heart belonged, and I followed it back to Coulee County, where

my family and my friends make my life full and happy.

Who knows where life's road will lead?

All that really matters is if you're following your heart.

Watching the sun go down over the outhouse.

Why, that just might be my favorite thing to do.

Cornfield, did you know that in Hollywood, the bathrooms, well, they're

inside. And they got this little plushy thingy. And you push it, and everything

goes down.