Original subtitles

-You know, I would just like to shout out

a big, fat thank you

to this great country of ours,

the United States of America,

for bringing back subgenres of horror

that we believed were long dead.

And you know what I'm talking about, Darcy.

-No idea.

-We're about to show "The Final Terror."

-Yay!

Tell me again why we're showing "Final Terror."

-Well, the original reason is that the screenwriter,

C. Robert Cargill,

who wrote "The Black Phone" and "Sinister,"

many other excellent screenplays --

"Doctor Strange." -Whoo!

-Wanted to come on the show,

and he said it's one of his favorite movies.

He's actually the only person I know of

who's ever put "The Final Terror"...

-Thank you. What the fuck? -...on a favorites list.

-But okay. Sorry. Okay.

-We're going to ask him to explain himself later.

He's here.

I'm going to find out where the love comes from.

But it could not be better timing,

because this is a genre

that we thought was going the way of the extinct

woolly swamp lizard, because, well, let me back up.

-Whoa. -Let me back up

just a minute here.

-Oh, no, that's never a good sign.

-Back in the heyday of young people go into the woods

and they don't come out movies,

you had umpteen jillion plot situations to choose from.

And in fact, by the end of the 1970s,

you had so many dead camper movies

that people started trying to one-up one another

by going to the most beautiful forests in the world

to shoot them like our friend Jeff Lieberman, remember?

-Yeah. "Just Before Dawn." -Yeah, exactly.

Shot in the breathtaking Silver Falls area of Oregon.

"The Final Terror" was shot in the most beautiful part

of the redwood forest of northern California

and southern Oregon.

Um, which reminds me of "The Forest,"

1982 slasher set in Sequoia National Park

in California.

"The Prey," um, 1983 --

? in the San Jacinto Mountains of California.

Now, why did they use these locations?

-Please tell us.

-Numero uno --

The contrast between the beauty of nature

and hardcore gruesome gore.

Numero two-o --

Easy to explain how they get lost.

Big trees, no roads.

Numero three-o --

Easy to explain how they have no way

to tell people on the outside world that they need help

because no phones.

Talking about the '70s. -Yeah.

-Numero four --

All kinds of wildlife that can eat you.

And numero five-o --

The Unabomber might be living out there

in a shack full of automatic weapons and ammo

reading books about the New World Order

and sleeping in a bed with skulls on the bedposts.

-So then why did these stories become hard to tell?

-Thank you for asking that question, Darcy.

-You told me to ask you that. -Yes I did.

And now I'm thanking you for asking.

-You're welcome.

-The reason is that these stories went out of fashion are,

numero uno, literally millions of people went to

those same parks and forests and decided, you know what?

These places aren't that scary.

All the roads are marked. There's guides everywhere.

The trails are well-cut,

signs pointing to how to get out of here,

they tell you exactly how long the hike is,

where to pitch your tent, whatever.

Pretty dang safe in a national park.

But not if you fire all the forest rangers!

And on Valentine's Day this year,

they laid off thousands of forest rangers!

They laid off biologists,

maintenance people, firefighters.

All of a sudden, Yosemite is not so safe anymore.

Those Rocky Mountain trails aren't so stable anymore.

Big boost to horror.

-Oh, my God, are you serious?

-I never joke about horror, Darcy.

There is an active effort in Washington, D.C.

to bulk up the outdoor horror market.

-Oh, that's nice. -Because numero two-o --

People watch these movies and they go,

"Well, that could never happen today."

Cellphones, GPS, all those parks are mapped.

You could just call in your location.

Not if you start firing people

at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.

"Hey, Travis, why are we getting these

wonky signals on our phones?"

"Because, Scoutmaster For Coochie,

there are normally 24 GPS satellites,

but only 18 of them are working today."

Or just, "Well, the park is so vast

that the cell towers are too many miles apart,

and the ones they do have are maintained by...forest rangers!"

So once again, thank you to the people in D.C. who love horror.

Numero three-o --

people stopped believing that you might get eaten

by a grizzly bear at Yellowstone

because they have tracking tags on all the animals,

and they routinely cull any wild feral population

that gets out of hand, like the black bears in New Jersey

that started menacing the children in the suburbs.

Unless...

the US Fish and Wildlife Service

gets gutted like an alligator gar in an East Texas pond

full of redneck pontoon boats.

Every endangered species from manatees

to black-footed ferrets, got released from supervision.

The National Wildlife Refuge Service

lost 30% of its workforce,

rangers were fired, pilots, technicians,

the guys who put the tags on the jackals.

They're all working at Taco Bell now

so that we can have better forest primeval horror.

Isn't this great? -It's amazing.

Is it -- All this is real that you're talking about?

-These are real things.

Ask your neighborhood wolf tracker, Darcy.

Ask him.

-Well, I live in Hollywood, so...

-You live in Hollywood Hills?

You're going to get overrun with wolves, now, Darcy.

Also... -I'm fine with that.

-...remember how in "Deliverance,"

uh, those four urban tourists

are heading down the Chattahoochee River

'cause it's about to get dammed up

by the Army Corps of Engineers,

and so they want to ride it while it's still wild?

-Sure. -Well, all those rivers

that were being undammed

and returned to the wild, mainly up in the northwest

where the Native American tribes were, were pissed --

All those rivers are getting redammed.

So we'll have a bunch of canoe rentals

through Ned Beatty's neighborhood.

Once again, thank you, Washington,

for making the world safe for outdoor horror

and safer hillbilly rape.

-I feel like you're exaggerating maybe just a little bit here.

-No. Darcy, go look at --

Go look at the numbers on anything related

to the outdoors, tourism, national parks,

animals, rivers, mountains.

It's Fuck Teddy Roosevelt time.

And finally, you remember all those horror plots

about taking kids out of dangerous urban high schools

and sending them out into the woods

and teaching them self-reliance and all that?

Fortunately, we have something better than that now,

because as of June 30th,

every last Job Corps center was closed,

and all those troublemakers with switchblades

are just heading for the rural highways,

ready to hijack vehicles and stage home invasions.

So just think of how many guys got released

in the middle of their court ordered

Job Corps sentence, you know?

"Hey, Vinny, let's party at the general store

tonight before we go back to Chicago."

And we love that kind of inspiration

here at "The Last Drive-In."

'70s hicksploitation paranoia is back.

Let's get nasty down by the sinkhole.

-Hell, yeah. -All right.

I knew you'd come around. -Oh, no, I didn't.

I just want you to introduce the movie, please.

-All right. Oh, yeah.

"The Final Terror" -Yes!

-"The Final Terror," this is the sensitive story

of a bunch of junior forest rangers

who head out on a wilderness work detail in Redwood Country,

and they bring along a few girls so they can hit on them

during the river raft trip they have planned,

as soon as they finish chopping wood with their shirts off.

Only their bus driver is a guy with bad hygiene

who seems to know way too much

about the mental health facility,

where the legends abound about crazy people

living out in the illegal marijuana fields.

Sure, we've seen it before,

but have we seen it with Daryl Hannah and Rachel Ward

as cheesecake bimbos,

and Adrian Zmed as a wolf-howling stoner

trying to rip off weed farmers?

I think not.

So let's take a look at those driving totals and get started.

We have...

"Drive-In" Academy Award nominations for Joe Pantoliano

as the deranged bus driver with a secret who says,

"You little peckers, keep up that horseshit

and I'm going a strand your butts out of here."

Daryl Hannah for stealing every scene in which she does nothing.

Rachel Ward for performing field surgery

and using her natural English accent

without any apparent awareness that she's in the United States.

Adrian Zmed for saying, "Anybody want to get high?"

John Friedrich as the berserker Nam vet who says,

"You people want to survive this thing?

You got to start looking and thinking like the forest."

And they do.

One star if you're here for the kills

Two stars...

-Whoo! -...if you're doing mushrooms.

-Two! -Three stars

if you're doing Arkansas Polio Weed.

And four stars if you're watching it

with the biggest fan of "The Final Terror."

C. Robert Cargill, who will be out here...

-Whoo! Four stars! -...at the first break

to explain why we should not string him up by his nipples

like Richard Harris in "A Man Called Horse,"

and then stick a shard of Lucio Fulci wood through

his eyeball, like that scene in "Zombie"

for making us think about the philosophical implications

of "The Final Terror."

Okay. Let's go.

-Yay!

-Darcy. Darcy, you're always --

I don't know what I just talked about.

Darcy, you're always-- -No one does.

-You're always a peacemaker. -Yes.

-You probably see both sides.

You can see redeeming value in "The Final Terror."

-Yes, I can.

-And Cargill, he's a big A-list screenwriter,

and he thinks "The Final Terror" is genius.

-And that is one way of looking at it.

-And I guess it is kind of exciting...at times.

-At times.

-Okay. Probably not. -Four stars.

-Probably not, but it's survival night...

-Sure. -...on "The Last Drive-In."

Will C. Robert Cargill survive.

-Jimmy, look out!

You all right?

-Yeah, I think I got a few scratches.

How about you? -Ow!

I'm caught.

Over there, see if you can lift it.

Okay.

Ah!

Damn.

-Here, let me help you up.

-Shit.

-Put your arm around me.

-Over there.

Ah!

Oh!

-I'll find help.

Hello? Hello?

Shit.

Jimmy?

Jim?

Jimmy!

Jimmy?

Jim!

-Stay still.

Don't you know better?

Stay still.

-Wake up, pigs!

-Eggar, what the hell are you doing in here?

-Morning, Eggar. Up to your old tricks?

-Hey, Zorich!

-Get the hell out of here!

-Wake up!

-You goddamn geek.

-Who you calling geek, boy?

-You don't wanna mess with me.

You wanna dance, huh?

-Hey, cupcake,

you better find somebody to take care of you.

-I don't need anybody to take care of me.

-Go on. Get out of here.

-You heard him, Eggar.

-Ten cans is missing from my storeroom.

You got the sign?

I'm not coming up short in my pantry.

Now, you make sure those boys behave themselves, you hear?

-There.

-Mike, this is crazy.

I mean, why the hell are you bringing us along, man?

-Man, this whole thing is bullshit.

It's just for my man to get off with his lady, huh?

-See the kind of gratitude I get?

I go out of my way --

I go out on a limb to set it up

so these guys can have a little holiday.

-How many girls are coming along?

-Three. Plus my girlfriend.

-Yeah, but what do they look like?

-Listen, these are very classy ladies.

I want you guys to try to be gentlemen.

Be polite and try to be cool.

Well, you know us.

-That's exactly what I mean.

-Why is Eggar coming?

-He's coming along so he can pick us up on Friday

when we get off the river.

-You better keep him away from us

before he gets his ass kicked.

-He's already starting on Cerone.

-Okay.

I'm going to talk to him.

Why don't you guys come along and help him load the bus?

Oh, and Dennis, wear some underwear.

- Forestry worker

and a female companion

are missing in the

North Mill Creek vicinity.

Authorities are continuing

the search.

-Hey, Eggar!

-The weather will continue

fair through tomorrow...

-Eggar!

-...followed by increasing--

-Over here.

-Hey, what -- what's going on, man?

I just got a change plans.

Going to go to Mill Creek and Wolf Creek?

That's 30 miles further than where we're supposed to go.

Mill Creek is real dangerous.

You don't want to take these kids out over there.

Somebody might get hurt.

-What the hell is the matter with you, Eggar?

I thought we understood each other.

Now, the bus was supposed to be ready to go an hour ago.

-The bus was ready to go an hour ago.

I did your job for you, didn't I?

I had to wake your baby punks out of bed.

And you're using a state vehicle for personal business,

and you're transporting outsiders.

Now, I know who you're taking,

and I know what you're going to do with her, too.

-This is still a work detail.

I've got all the authorization I need.

-Bullshit. You let that garbage do what they want

instead of teaching them right from wrong.

-Listen, Eggar, let's get something straight.

I'll take care of my job, and you take care of yours.

Mine is to plan the work details

and yours is to get me there.

-What the hell you think they're gonna do out there

in the woods with girls, huh?

Pray?!

-Shit!

-Here we are, boys.

Let's see what we got here.

-Come on. Cool it.

-Man. -Morning, sir.

-Shh! -Mm. Mama looks good.

-Hey--

-Calm down.

-Thank you.

It's a really nice house you have here.

Automotive. -I understand.

-These are my boys from the camp.

Why don't you go back on the bus?

-Bye, dear. -Bye, Mom.

Bye, Daddy.

-What about that missing couple?

-It'll be okay. There's three adults.

-Got more rounds than the navy.

-Leave her alone.

-You girls sit over here with me.

-Oh, shit. -Okay. All right.

-We're gonna take real good care of

your daughters here, don't you worry about anything.

Yeah!

-♪ Three blind mice, three blind mice ♪

♪ Three blind mice, three blind mice ♪

♪ They all ran after the farmer's wife ♪

♪ Who cut off their tails with a... ♪

-♪ Three blind mice, three blind mice ♪

-Hallelujah! -♪ Three blind mice ♪

-♪ Three blind mice ♪

♪ They all ran after the farmer's wife ♪

♪ Who cut off their tails with a carving knife ♪

♪ Three blind mice ♪

♪ Three blind mice ♪

♪ See how they run ♪

-The bus will take us to this point here.

-That'll be work site. -That's where

we're going to work, yeah.

-Where's the work site? -Right there.

We're going to clear the stream for fish and game.

-Wait a minute, ain't that where you took us before?

-Mm-hmm. -That's a long way in there.

-Yeah, it's about 30 miles deeper in.

-Yeah, we're gonna hike about 15 miles down

to a place called Mill Creek.

And then the rafts will meet us there at the forestry outpost.

-How do the rafts get there?

-Oh, well, Eggar will take them.

He'll meet us there with the bus.

Then we're gonna raft about 30 miles down to a place that--

What's the name of that place you told me about?

-Happy Camp. -What kind of bear

they got up there? -Big.

-You mean your girl's gonna work with us?

-Oh, yeah.

-Does anyone really know the way?

-Hey, Melanie. -Are there any deer there?

-Look, all I can tell you is it's wild,

it's practically untouched, and you're going to love it.

It's really beautiful. You're just going to love it.

-Ain't no reason to be there. Trails don't need no clearing

and the streams ain't no good.

Lot of wild animals. You girls ain't never been up there.

You going to have a lot of trouble with these

dried out trees.

Logs keep falling down, branches and stuff.

Couple friends of mine got hurt up there

a couple years ago, one man was killed.

Now, I know a stretch, a patch about 30 miles north of

here that would be a lot easier for y'all to get through.

We got a lot of nice streaming up there,

and y'all will have a better time

doing it that way and nobody get hurt.

If I do get you up there, y'all going to be bitching and moaning

about how dark it is and how rough it is.

Come 12:00, midnight, I won't be there to help y'all.

-Eggar, why don't you just drive the bus all right?

-I'm just warning you.

Somebody's going to get hurt. you do that.

-I'm going to tell them, Eggar. -Shut up back there!

-I'm going to tell them all about you.

-You hear me, Zorich?

I ain't going to take your shit no more!

You hear me?

-Hey, Eggar, isn't that your old home?

-You know what that is, Windy? A mental institution.

-Don't put that there. -Where's your gloves, goddammit?

-Come on.

-Boone, wear your gloves next time!

Shit.

-You'll be much more comfortable if you wear them, darling.

Here.

-You do that on purpose?

It ain't funny, goddammit!

That's how people get hurt!

-Hey, Eggar! -Leave me alone.

-Shit. -Hey, Eggar!

Come on, Eggar!

-Cut your shit out, out here!

-Whoo!

Eggar!

Oh, it's beautiful!

Oh, wow.

-Hey, Simple!

Boats stay on the bus.

How you supposed to get downstream?

Now come on, get down there.

We got a stream to clear. Let's go, let's go.

Pick up that box.

Hey! What you doing?

Just go on, I'll take care of that.

Get that out of here.

Go ahead!

-Hey, man, why don't you get off my back?

-You keep walking. You just keep walking.

-Fool.

-Hey.

Gold, gold!

-It's real? -Oh, no, hardly.

-Hey, city boy.

-Hey, Mike!

Why don't you give these guys a break?

-Hey!

Hey you guys, take a break.

Take 5.

-So tell me.

How much dope they grow around here?

Come on, give me a break!

I bet you guys got plenty of stuff growing around here.

What, you think the mad Romanian's going to

turn you guys in?

-Hey, you Romanian jerk.

You start messing with somebody else's crop,

you're going to get your ass blown away.

You think that's funny?

We got too close once, one of them hippie guys

came out with an M16.

-Hey, city boy. Want to try some knuckle brew?

-How about some of my stash?

-Naw, give it to Eggar.

-Well, I ain't got no brain cells.

He can't get high.

-You little peckers keep up that horse shit,

and I'm going to strand your butts out there.

I remember a wise ass butt just like you, Zorich.

And he was pestering like y'all been doing.

One night I took him.

Way up there in the hills.

And I tied him down so nobody could find him.

Because I about had it with his horse shit.

And I left him there.

And ain't nobody ever found him since.

Y'all hear me now?

You all hear me now?

-I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

-Don't ever come back! Don't ever come back!

-Oh, Mike, they told me that one in kindergarten.

-Okay, Boone. It's your turn.

-Come on, your turn. -Oh, come on, Rich!

-Tell it, go on man. Go ahead.

-You don't have to be bashful. -Come on, Boone.

-I'll get the wood.

-Okay.

So once upon a time, not too long ago,

this used to be a logging camp, right here.

There was this little sweet 14 year old girl

who lived here with a big family.

And her father died.

So her uncle came to take care of the place.

And he was a lumberjack.

And he was a mean son of a bitch.

Mean, boy.

And one night this uncle said, "Hey Susie Q."

"You want to go for a little walk in the woods?"

So he took her on one of these trails, here.

Way far out, you know, like we are.

And he raped her.

She screamed, but nobody could hear her.

She had to keep all this inside after the rape.

Because she couldn't tell anybody because, you know,

he was supporting the family.

She was afraid to.

So she started going crazy.

So what they done is, they put her in a mental institution.

You know that one we passed on the way down here?

And while she's in the hospital,

they find out that she's pregnant.

So she has this little baby boy.

But the doctor says,

"Well, she's too messed up to take care of the kid."

So they take the baby away from her.

Okay, so 19 years later, this young kid,

just about my age, shows up down there at the hospital.

He wants to see this lady.

So they let him in.

And he goes crazy.

I mean, he just freaks out.

He says, "You can't treat my mama

like this, you can't keep her in this garbage can!"

It was her son. He just stole her right out of the place.

Just took her.

But she was so crazy, you know,

that he didn't know what to do with her.

So he put her out here in these woods

so she could live in peace, you know.

But the story goes is that whenever

anybody camps out around here,

she sneaks into your camp, and she whispers to you.

She bends down over you, and, man, you can just

smell her breathing on you, you can feel it.

And she says, "Who stole my lamb?"

"Who stole my --"

-What the hell you telling stories like that for, huh, boy?

What the hell you doing like that? Huh?

Scaring these girls half to death!

-Eggar, it ain't your turn.

-You think that's funny? Huh?

-Eggar! -I ought to cut your tongue out.

-You shit! -Hey, Eggar.

I want to talk to you.

Privately.

-Don't need to talk about anything.

Get your stuff ready. I'm leaving now.

-Fine.

Just be sure you get the boats there

when they're supposed to be.

Let's get everything on the bus that's going on it.

It's leaving now. -Where's my hat?

-We'll be rid of him.

-Okay, that's Joe Pantoliano as the disagreeable bus driver.

Joey Pants, they call him.

He would become famous on "The Sopranos"

as Ralphie Cifaretto,

but also dozens of other character roles.

The director, Andrew Davis,

said Joe was the most scared of the woods

of anybody in the cast.

He grew up in New York City

and was more comfortable on the streets.

He was really spooked by the outdoors.

But anyway, he's just one of several actors here

who would go on to incredibly long and storied careers,

but most of them stopped putting "The Final Terror"

on their résumés.

And our guest tonight,

C. Robert Cargill, says that was a huge mistake.

So come on out here, Cargill.

And, uh, because we want you to

explain yourself.

But welcome to "The Last Drive-In."

-Welcome. -Well, thank you.

-All right. Now, the main reason you're here

is "Black Phone 2" is coming out this month.

Did Ethan Hawke find another little leaguer

to kidnap and torture?

-Uh, no. No. Not exactly. -Okay.

-No, Ethan Hawke's character, The Grabber, is dead.

Uh, but since it's a movie about people who can talk to the dead,

that doesn't mean the series has to end.

-Okay, because I thought you got at least nine potential victims

just on that little league baseball team.

So you're set for sequels. Anyway...

Um, we'll talk about that later.

But you think "The Final Terror" is a work of genius.

Why? Why, Cargill? Why? Explain that.

-I think it is a fascinating artifact of filmmaking,

specifically of an era

and an era that the three of us are all obsessed with.

Um, this is a movie that comes out of --

It's made in 1981.

It is, you know, they shoot in the fall of '81.

'81, of course, the notorious year

where "Friday the 13th" had come out the year before.

And then we get 34 to 36 slashers the next year.

Everybody's seeing slashers,

and this movie feels like a reaction to that

in the most interesting way.

-Because it's number 35 out of number 36?

-No, in that I feel like they sat there in the theaters

in Times Square,

uh, watching this movie, listening to the heckling

and going, "We're going to make one of these,

but we're going to make one so smart

that they won't be able to heckle it."

And the problem is, when you make a movie so smart

that the audience can't heckle it,

you end up with a movie that doesn't do everything

that the audience wants out of that movie.

-You're saying that the audience

in the Times Square grindhouse was so intelligent

that a filmmaker decided

to make a movie for them.

-I don't know that "intelligent" is the word

I was grasping, but let's go with intelligent.

-Andrew Davis is the director. Do you know him?

-Oh, yeah. Well, not personally,

but I mean, he went on to an incredible career.

-Oh, he got the Best Picture Oscar for "The Fugitive."

He became one of our A-list action directors.

Movies like "Code of Silence" with Chuck Norris.

Uh, Steven Seagal's first film, "Above the Law."

"Collateral Damage" with Schwarzenegger.

Big movies. -Yeah.

"The Package" -- Gene Hackman and Tommy Lee Jones.

Uh, "Chain Reaction" with Keanu Reeves and Morgan Freeman.

But at the time this movie was made,

he was known as the cinematographer for Gene Corman,

not even Roger Corman.

Roger's lesser known brother, Gene Corman.

And Charles Band, our friend Charles Band.

And Menahem Golan.

All the B-movie producers loved him as a cameraman.

-Yeah. -I guess -- what?

He was fast? What was the deal? -Also gorgeous.

Like, look at a lot of the shots in this movie.

We're going to, especially as we get further into the movie,

especially the back third of this movie.

You don't have slasher movies that look gorgeous like this.

Like, you're you were talking about,

you know, the great redwood forests in this movie.

And they look spectacular here.

We're seeing our actors so tiny in the distance,

walking through this majestic wonderland.

And most of the films that were being made at the time

that were being made as cheap as this movie was,

look small and contained.

And he was like, "No, we're going to make it big.

We're going to make it look expensive."

-But you know what it means when you say, how was the movie?

And somebody says, "I love I love the cinematography."

You know, come on.

-Well, look, there's a reason

why it's only one person's favorite.

And that person is me. -All right.

-You know?

-You're selling me on it, though.

Now we should point out,

Since we're talking about Andrew Davis,

we should point out that the first two kills in the movie

were not directed by Andrew Davis.

That was the producers,

Sam Arkoff and Joe Roth deciding, hey,

we need more kills in this movie.

So they shot those scenes in some random wooded area

outside LA,

and actually the stunt woman that they killed in that,

I think she was killed by tin can lids.

-Mm-hmm. The first clue in the movie.

-Booby trap tin can lids.

She doesn't even match Lori Butler,

the actress who was on the motorcycle.

Right? -No. Not at all. No.

In fact, one of the -- to go to the point

that one of the things I do love about this movie

is every little detail in this movie

that ended up staying, because they shot a lot of stuff

and cut it down to 83 minutes,

but every detail paints a picture and tells you a story

that you can go back a second time

and see the story all the way through.

So those tin can lids --

-Those tin can lids are important?

-Yes. -For the rest of the story?

-Yes, they tell you who the killer is.

-Okay. -The killer is forecast by

the tin can lids.

All right, all right.

-Wait till wait till the seemingly --

-All right, you tell me.

You tell me when the tin can lid flashback moment comes.

-Hold on. It's already happened.

We already have what seems like an innocuous scene

of a woman talking about all these missing peaches

from her pantry.

Um, then she's like, "No, I'm not going to be

responsible for these 10 cans of missing peaches."

Where did the missing peaches go?

Why do we care about missing peaches?

-That's the tin can lids in the first scene

that Andrew Davis did not shoot.

All that stuff was shot while Andrew Davis was

at a film festival.

And that was a definite no-no and a violation of union rules.

You can't do that to a director.

And so Samuel Arkoff had to pay Andrew Davis

quite a little tidy sum for doing that.

And Davis said it paid for his wedding.

But the main thing that Andrew Davis did

when he was planning to make the movie,

He went scouting for locations in a plane.

He and Joe Roth flew over --

He said they flew over Mount Saint Helens,

which seems to be quite a distance from here,

when it was still erupting.

So that means it was May of 1980,

when he was first scouting locations.

And eventually he found the Jedediah Smith Redwood Park east

of Crescent City, California, near the Oregon border,

and specifically a part of it called Stout Grove,

which is a redwood forest that was never logged.

So they have these 300 foot trees that are 2,500 years old.

Yes, that's what I said.

-2,500 years old. -Wow! 2,500, you say?

-And it takes two hours to get there on foot,

which is probably not something

most film crews would want to do.

Um, and people consider it the world's

most scenic stand of redwoods.

It's located on a small floodplain

where these two rivers meet, the Smith River and Mill Creek.

Smith River being the last free flowing,

never dammed river in California,

still a wild river, spawning ground for salmon and trout.

And if you ask Andrew Davis about it today,

he'll tell you discovering

that place was the best part of making the film,

because he's gone there every year since

on vacation. He just loves that place.

So, Cargill,

don't you think there is some scenery chewing going on here?

-There's a lot of scenery chewing going on.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, this is one of the other things

I love about this movie so much, because there are many.

But Joey Pants, Joe Pantoliano, is let off the chain in this

in a way he's never allowed in the rest of his filmography.

Like, he's amazing.

And as you talked about, you know,

he's best known for "Sopranos."

You know, a lot of Gen Xers

will know him from things like "The Goonies."

Um, you know, of course, in "The Matrix",

you know, lots of really great roles.

But always they let his charm kind of come out,

and they let his humor come out, his charm come out.

Here is a young actor chewing up every bit of scenery

he can find and spitting it out.

And, oh, boy, does he go for it in this movie.

-And Zorich.

-Oh, well, and Zorich. Zorich is something that I love

that's an under-used trope of horror films,

when you don't just have someone psychotic, um,

stalking you,

you have someone psychotic in the party

who is your greatest weapon against the psychotic person.

-So you have two screaming actors.

-Absolutely going nuts.

-All right, well, back to the movie.

We're going to go back to the movie.

We're going to get you to go deeper

as a professional screenwriter into the genius

of "The Final Terror."

So roll it.

And, Cargill, you have been at every one

of our annual jamboree celebrations.

-All but the first one I sadly missed Mahoning. Sadly.

-The reason I know that is

I know you had a few Dos Equis at the last one.

-A couple. -A few maybe.

-So as a devotee of mind altering substances,

would you have any favorite movies that are better

while under the influence?

-"The Final Terror."

Um... -Yes.

-And I have a story about that, but yes.

-Tell that story.

-Well, I mean, I discovered this movie late at night.

Um, you know, it was the fourth movie in a run.

Uh, my wife Jess had gone to bed, and I was like,

"You know, I've never seen this.

I don't know what it is. The poster looks ridiculous.

Let's put it on and watch it."

And I'm, you know, killing a bottle of whiskey

while I'm doing so.

And I get to the last seven minutes of this movie,

and the movie ends and I go... -No spoilers.

-No, no, no. I go, "That's not the ending.

That's the ending of the movie?"

That's how it -- -Okay.

-And I go back seven minutes and I go, "No, that's

the ending of the movie."

-So, "I guess I love this movie."

-I guess I love this movie.

-Okay. How about you, Darcy? Any mind altering --

-What? -Do you have any movies

you like better because of mind altering substances?

-Oh, yeah. Pretty much all of them.

-Most of them? -"The Final Terror."

I love "The Final Terror" now.

-You guys hang out.

-You guys hang out together, don't you?

-Well, yeah. Any time she's in Austin.

-I can see why.

-This guy in my neighborhood

made a fortune one week off of some smoke

he bought from a farmer up here.

-We don't buy grass here. We pull it out of the ground.

The only reason you're coming is

because Boone's hot for that chick.

-It's about time!

What took you so damn long? It's freezing up here!

Cerone.

-Where the hell is Boone? -He's got lady plans tonight.

-What the hell you bring him for?

I don't know him from Adam.

What do you need to know?

-Man, it's what you need to know.

Stealing weed ain't like taking candy from a grocery store.

-Hey, where do you think I come from, man?

-Hey, man, I don't care where you come from!

Shut up!

I deal with this stuff on the streets all the time, man.

-Shut up! -I don't know this guy!

-Nathaniel, how's this?

He can be our lookout.

We need someone to cover our ass.

Remember last time?

-All right, all right.

-All right.

You cover our ass tonight, you do a good job of it,

we'll cut you in for 20 percent.

-A third. -Kiss my --

-Nathaniel, Nathaniel, just hold on.

20 percent.

-Fuck you. -Hey, wait a minute.

Nathaniel, give me 10 minutes with him.

-I'm relying on you.

-All right, a third.

This is the way we do it.

I want you to stay here unless somebody comes.

I want you to howl like a wolf every 45 seconds.

Wait, I know it sounds crazy.

I done it myself before, but it's fool proof.

-Why don't I howl when I do spot somebody?

-You mean to tell me, cracker come up to you,

stick a M16 up your asshole, you're going to say,

"Excuse me, sir, I got to howl like a wolf now?"

Use your head.

It's when the howling stops that we know someone's coming.

-Okay.

-Howl.

-Like a wolf? -A howl?

-You mean that's all you can do for a third?

You can't do better than that?

-You like that? Good.

-Now, don't you let up until we get back.

-How long am I supposed to do this?

-Eh, a couple hours.

You got to remember. You're special.

We never let nobody in for a third before, ever.

-Hey, Zorich?

You're a real generous guy.

-You just keep howling.

-Did he take the bait? -You kidding?

Cerone is dumber than I thought he was.

-Good morning.

-Good morning.

-Rise and shine.

-Yes.

You have to set an example.

-What time is it?

-It's late.

Look, you go get the guys, and I'll go get the girls.

-Hey, you guys!

Get up!

-Come on, girls!

Come on!

Let's go, wake up. Come on.

Come on, girls, let's wake up.

Let's go, come on.

-Hey, Vanessa. -Stop it!

Good heavens, Melanie, take it easy.

-Come on, Windy.

-I didn't sleep a wink.

-Hey, come on, you guys, get up!

Dennis.

Come on, get up, man.

Hey, Nathaniel, rise and shine.

-Rise and shine. -Rise and shine.

-Rise and shine.

-Get up! -Ah, don't!

-Hey, asshole, get up.

Looks like Marco Cerone beat all you guys to the latrine.

-Go bring one of them girls over here.

Come on, get up.

Breakfast is almost ready.

-Ohh, what year is this?

-Hey, Greenie, Windy, come on let's go.

-Night.

-I should have slept over there last night.

-Hey, watch what you're doing. You almost hit my foot.

-Shh, quiet!

-1, 2, 3...

-Marco!

-You guys didn't hear him around at all this morning, huh?

-I didn't hear a single thing.

-Wonder where he wandered off to.

You'd think he'd show up for breakfast.

-Guy's a lone wolf.

-Meaning what?

-City boy couldn't wait to get in the woods.

Control yourself.

-He went on a nature hike.

-When? -Last night.

-He's been out all night?

Well, where'd you leave him?

-Out there.

-Shut up.

-Why don't we all go home and forget this trip?

-No, no, no, the first thing we're going to do

is you guys are going to show me where you left him.

All of you!

-He didn't have nothing to do with it.

-You two then.

Move!

-Marco!

Hey, Marco!

Marco!

-Marco!

-Marco!

-We're not going to be able to get

on the river today because of you guys.

-Marco!

-Hey, Mike, come on, we didn't mean any harm.

-Fun's fun, but not all night.

-Man, they did that to me a million times.

They did it to me when I first came.

-Marco!

-Come on, Mike, it ain't that serious.

-Is this it?

-Looks different in daylight.

-Bet you he's back at the camp

laughing his butt off.

-What the hell is that?

All right, listen you guys.

I want you to go back to camp. Mark the trail on your way.

Get Mel. Send her out here to me.

You two go downstream, search up.

We'll go upstream, we'll search down.

Okay, come on. Move!

-Yeah, yeah. -Yes, sir!

-Marco?

-Mike!

Cerone!

-Marco!

-Marco!

-Marco!

-Ohh.

Oh!

-Come on, let's get shaking.

-What you did was really stupid.

-It ain't none of your business, lady!

-Well, unfortunately, we're all on this trip together.

-You tell your friend's father to buy you better company

next time, you understand?

-Well, I sure will. -Lighten up, will you, man?

-Get out of my face, you understand me?

-Get up the stream.

Get up the goddamn stream! -You little shit!

-Margaret, I think that guy's psychotic.

-Goddamn Zorich.

-Oh!

Ah.

What are you doing here?

-I'm looking for you! -Are you?

-Mm-hmm.

-You didn't see Marco, huh? -No, you didn't either?

-No, I saw this, and it looked much better.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

-Marco!

That dude dies because we left him out there,

it's negligent homicide, man.

-Bullshit.

-Listen, I know what I'm talking about.

Every time I play one of your silly games,

I get in trouble.

-Look at that!

-Wow, check it out.

-Use hand signals.

-Will you cut the Army crap?

-This is private property, bud. They might not like your kind.

-Man, give me a break.

-I'm going in.

Cover me.

-With what?

What's with you, man?

Hey!

Come here.

-It's one of the old camp rafts.

-How did it get there?

-Think somebody's buried there?

-Probably just a dog.

-Yeah.

-Zorich?

Zorich.

Zorich?

Zorich.

Zoro?

-I'm going to kill you!

-You wouldn't hurt an old lady, would you?

-I'm going to kill you!

-Hold it, hold it!

-What the --

-Aw, man. What the hell is going on here?

Can you tell?

Mushrooms?

Pure magic.

-Guaranteed to get you high.

Better than acid.

-Some funky mother's been living around here.

Look at all these women's clothes.

-I don't believe this.

Nathaniel.

-What?

-It's Eggar!

-You think he's got a woman living here?

-Ain't no woman living here. He's a goddamn freak!

-Oh.

That sucker.

I told you he's been stealing from me!

-Now we're going to get his ass fired!

Come on, let's go.

-Wait a minute.

I just want to see what else he's got around.

-He's sicker than I thought he was.

-Let's get the hell out of here.

-Okay, there we get the casing of the creep house

with the wolf head and the snake crawling through it,

and their plan to get Eggar fired.

And, Cargill, as an expert screenwriter,

judging the expert screenwriting here,

why exactly do Mike and Melanie abandon the search for Marco,

who they're so worried about,

because they find a spot to skinny dip?

-I'm of the opinion that they, from the beginning,

know that this is kind of a prank

and this is not really a thing,

and it's their one chance to get away from everyone else

and get us our breast count in the movie.

Um, I believe that that is what this is for.

I believe, you know, how many movies

have you guys talked about in particular over the years that,

why is that scene there?

Well, because, you know, we need boobs.

-Well, Cargill, that's one of those cliché motivations.

You know, I'm horny, so I'll ignore everything else.

-That's life, baby.

-You're defending the movie.

-1983, the rules are a little different.

-Okay, let me ask you this.

Who exactly are these people?

Are these just random friends?

Are these members of the Job Corps?

Are these aspiring forest rangers?

Are the females hookers?

Because the females just seem to be there to titillate the guys.

-This is one of the great mysteries of the universe.

I have pondered this for years.

I cannot begin to tell you. I don't know.

I know that they, in some way,

because I've examined this in the highest resolution possible.

They are working for the forestry service.

Whether they're volunteers,

whether they're employees, I don't know.

One of the things you didn't ask, are they ex-Vietnam vets?

Because one of them appears to be.

-One of them is. -He certainly -- he seems to be.

But they never actually say he was in Vietnam.

He just acts like he was in Vietnam.

-But he doesn't seem old enough in 1983.

-'83, but the movie was made in '81 to be an '82 release.

It was close enough.

I feel like the script, I think, sat on the shelf a little longer

than it should have, and then when somebody wanted it,

they dusted it off.

-It did.

But I mean, I know the females are not hookers

because their parents come to the ranger station

to see them off, which is also strange.

You know, have fun on your wilderness trip

with these lowlifes from the Job Corps.

-Well, except that there's a chaperon,

so everything's going to be fine.

What could go wrong with a chaperon?

-Who's the chaperon?

-The eldest member of the core, the one that's the boss.

-Who? Mike? -Yeah.

-He's there to aardvark with Melanie.

-Yes, but that's the cover.

He's still the chaperon.

He's not aardvarking with the young girls.

He's aardvarking with the older girl.

-Okay. All right, we'll get back to that in a minute.

Cargill for many years,

you were the chief reviewer at Ain't It Cool News?

-I was one of them. Yeah.

-So you are overqualified to review this movie.

So tell me...

the most outstanding feature of the movie,

the main thing that makes it great.

-The main thing that makes it great is the cinematography.

But...

-Peaches, the peaches.

-The peaches are essential.

But no, I honestly, the structure of it is

what I'm fascinated by.

Because as we've joked about the peaches,

you're going to find that every little seemingly

useless bit of information

in this 83 minute movie all leads to one conclusion

at the end of the story,

and when you watch it on a second viewing,

you realize there's not a wasted throwaway line

like you have in most of these movies.

Everything matters in terms

of telling the story they're telling.

Even the campfire story that we have, um,

even has a perfect rendition of the character

who would say those lines.

Like, as if the actor had read to the end

of the script, knows who's involved in this,

and then does a perfect imitation of that character.

-So you're saying if you watch this movie and it sucks,

and you think it sucks, watch it again.

-And with peaches in mind, and you will --

-Absolutely. -And you will -- no.

But if you watch it again,

you will see that there is a structure here

that tells this very visceral,

attempting to be realistic story.

They're trying to make a realistic slasher

where the characters -- what always strikes me

and what I'm in love with with this movie,

what I'm really in love with, all jokes aside,

is the minute these characters know the situation they're in,

they stop doing anything stupid and everything

they do is what the audience would be yelling at them to do.

Don't go here. Don't go out there alone.

Always go with someone else.

Hey, let's get to the bus.

That's how we get back home.

-All right, let's see if that becomes true

as we continue through the movie.

How did you go from film reviewing to screenwriting?

Is that something you were always trying to do?

-I always wanted to be a novelist.

I wanted to write screenplays,

but I never thought I would break in,

and I just had this idea for a movie

that came from a nightmare.

And over years, I kind of workshopped it

and workshopped it, and I was literally --

-"Black Phone"? -No, no, no, "Sinister."

-Oh, "Sinister." -"Sinister."

And I had become friends with Scott Derrickson,

uh, online.

And we had become friends,

and we ended up in Vegas on the same weekend,

and we went out for a drink together.

And after five drinks, uh, he pitched me an idea.

He had had two producers come to him.

One was Roy Lee, one was Jason Blum, and said,

we're looking for a movie.

It's got to be $1 million.

-He had five drinks, or you had five?

-I had five drinks. -Okay.

I don't know how many he had, but he wasn't keeping up.

But he doesn't try.

By the way.

But, yeah, he pitched me this idea that

he wanted to pitch these producers, uh,

as Jason Blum and Roy Lee were both coming to him

with the same idea of $1 million.

You get final cut, you get to make your movie.

And I gave him my professional opinion on it.

I said, "You know, I've had this movie in

the back of my head for years.

Can I get your professional opinion on it?"

He goes, "Yeah."

And I pitched him "Sinister", and he just said, "Holy fuck,"

that's the movie they want.

Uh, I want to pitch it to him, you know?

And I ended up writing an outline.

-You telling me the drunk night in Vegas

is what caused you to be a screenwriter?

-That is exactly what I'm telling you.

One drunk night in Vegas, and I got a career.

-All right.

-Are you going to be at our Halloween show this year,

"Dusk to Dawn"? -I'm going to try.

-I appreciate you're hanging out with the mutants.

It gives us a chance -- -Put you on the spot.

-It gives us a chance to yell at you

about your writing choices. -Please do.

-And your movie choices.

-All right, back to the neglected 1983 classic.

Well, actually conceived in 1980.

Filmed in 1981, re-edited in 1982,

released half in 1983 and half in 1984,

classic, "The Final Terror".

Roll the flick.

And by the way, that's...

I'm going to say her name wrong,

but Akosua Busia as Vanessa, playing...

She's playing an African American with a British accent.

She's actually from Ghana.

She and Rachel Ward were grade school classmates in London.

And if you're wondering why a little girl from Ghana

was going to grade school in London,

it's because her daddy was the Prime Minister of Ghana

and she is actually a princess.

She's part of the royal family of Wenchi.

Everybody in this cast would become famous, right?

-And continue to put it on their résumés.

-The only non-famous person in the cast is the star.

When they first announced the movie, Sam Arkoff made a poster.

The title was "Bump in the Night,"

and it said, "Bump in the Night",

starring Cindy Harrell, and Cindy Harrell

plays Melanie, the skinny dipping screamer.

She was billed as a famous, quote, "cover model"

at the time.

I think she had just one cover for Teen Magazine.

Uh, anyway, she only had three roles,

and then she quit the business around 1988,

and I wondered what happened to her.

And the answer is, she got married to Alan Horn.

-Oh, the Alan Horn?

-Are you are you being sarcastic?

-Do tell. -All right.

-Like the Warner Bros. --

-Alan Horn, motherfucker.

-He was president of Fox.

And I think his glory years were he ran Warner Bros.

with Barry Meyer.

He did the Harry Potter movies.

He did the Christopher Nolan movies.

Before that, he produced a bunch of Oscar movies

like "A Few Good Men" and "Green Mile"

and "When Harry Met Sally."

I think he had something to do with "Seinfeld."

And then they forced him out at Warner Bros.

But Bob Iger at Disney said, "Hell yes, come over to Disney,

please be chairman at Disney."

Do all the Pixar movies, the Marvel movies,

the Lucasfilm movies. -"Doctor Strange."

-This guy was one of the kings of Hollywood.

-Okay, like I said, the Alan Horn.

-For three decades, this guy's a king of Hollywood.

So my question about that is, why doesn't Cindy Harrell --

Why isn't she able to keep on acting?

It's not like she can't get a job.

All she has to do is mention it at breakfast.

-I feel like she's good, man.

-Any inside info on that?

-Would you work if you didn't have to?

Like, she's good, man.

-I mean, she could have been in all those movies.

-All of them. -Yeah.

-Hollywood was and remains a very strange place.

-That's why we love it.

-I seen a lot of crazy people in my life,

but this freak takes the cake.

-You think maybe Cerone slept there last night?

-Cerone slept there?

Man, this cat is sick!

-Thing is, you just don't know what Eggar's doing up here.

-Who knows what the hell we're doing up here.

-Look, all we can do is wait. For Mike and Mel.

They know what they're doing.

I mean, they're probably all right.

They wouldn't have left us up

here all night if there wasn't something wrong.

-This is what we're going to do.

First thing, pair up.

Nobody comes or goes alone anymore.

-Now you're concerned, huh?

-You don't know what you're dealing with, lady.

-Come on! Go keep watch.

Wake me up when you get tired.

-Ah, shit!

Dammit!

-What's the screaming about? What's going on?

-There's somebody here! There's someone around!

I smelled this smell! There was this smell!

And there were these hands in my hair.

I swear I'm not dreaming! I'm not dreaming! There's somebody!

-It's okay, listen to me. It's okay, it's okay.

-I thought you were on guard. -I was.

I heard a noise, Eggar maybe.

Fell in the damn creek and sprained my wrist.

-This all started because you played

that stupid prank on Cerone.

-Light up a joint.

-Is it dry?

-Windy, give me the axe.

-Whoa.

What the hell was that?

-Who is it?

-Good evening, gentlemen.

-You turkey

-It's Cerone!

-Scared the shit out of me. -Hey, Cerone.

-Where've you been?

-That was great, Cerone.

-Ain't as dumb as you thought, is he, Zorich?

-Anybody want to get high?

-Do we still get a third?

-Did you see Mike or Mel out there anywhere?

-No, they're not around?

-They're not here because they thought you were lost

and went looking for you this morning.

-I wasn't lost. I been all over.

-Where?

-Around.

-Oh, great.

We have Romeo and Juliet lost in the woods somewhere,

a driver who's an absolute lunatic,

a quite unnecessarily broken wrist.

I mean, what is wrong with you people?

Our trip is a complete disaster, and we're playing

childish games and stupid juvenile pranks!

If you were trying to scare us, you succeeded.

Congratulations.

Now, perhaps, you'll concentrate on growing up.

-Where do you think you're going?

The outhouse, if it's any of your concern.

-Not alone you're not. -Don't give me orders!

-Ooh.

-Vanessa, come here!

Come on!

-All right, you're all right, you're all right!

-Oh, my God, it's Mike.

-No!

-What is it?

-Oh, don't look, don't look!

-We have to find Melanie.

-She's right.

May be too late, but we got to find out.

-Where I come from, you learn not to mess around

with something like this. It's out of our hands.

We should get out of here on the road we came in on.

-45 miles?

That's a two day hike.

You try something like that on open road,

and you're a sitting duck.

-What do you suggest we do then, huh?

-I suggest we stay right here. At least for the night.

In the morning, we'll head down by the river.

From there, it's only six miles to the ocean.

-I don't need this bullshit.

Tomorrow morning, dawn, we hit that house quick.

Maybe if we're lucky, we'll find Eggar fast asleep.

-You better stop that bullshit about revenge, Zorich!

We don't all want to play your little war game!

We don't want to play cowboys and Indians!

We want to get out of here!

-Please, please stop it!

Just stop it, stop!

-Listen to me.

You people want to survive this thing,

you got to start looking and thinking like the forest.

You tie those beads back, you understand?

Blondie, you get that hair under a cap.

And, Boone, get off that white shirt.

-So Zorich's advice...

If you want to survive this thing,

people, is to start looking and thinking like the forest.

Cargill, how do you think like a forest?

-You stand very still.

-Yeah.

I mean, you dress up in a ghillie suit

and you chase kids around.

Um, you, uh, take mushrooms and partake.

You hallucinate an entire Vietnam back story.

Um, there's a number of ways.

-Somebody in your profession, a professional screenwriter,

sat there and wrote,

"It's time to think like a forest."

-To be fair, there were three

professional screenwriters who worked on this separately,

so there's no telling which...

-And one of them was Ronald Shusett.

Very famous screenwriter. -"Alien."

Um, "Above the Law." Uh, "Dead and Buried."

-All right. Uh, well,

if anybody was paying attention during the campfire story

that Boone told, the one about the incest

pedophile lumberjack rapist -- would that be accurate?

Then you know the identity of the killer in the woods.

But I have to admit, I did listen to the story

because that story is always a clue to the killer,

the campfire story.

And I didn't figure it out.

Did you, the first time you watched it?

-The first time, no. First time, I was --

Because the thing is, with movies in this era,

they love fake outs.

And this movie doesn't give you a fake out at all.

-Cargill, isn't that another cliché, though?

The campfire legend.

-But the campfire legend is always the fake out.

It's always kind of the story, but not really the story.

-Okay.

For those of you who are just tuning in

because people work late on the West Coast

and make it for the second --

you know, they don't make it till the second movie.

For those of you who looked at your Shudder schedule

and said, "Holy fuck, 'The Final Terror',

how can I miss that?!"

We're enjoying the sophomore film of Andrew Davis,

along with Darcy the Mail Girl and C. Robert Cargill,

journalist.

You're everything. You're a journalist.

You're a novelist. You're a screenwriter.

You're a teacher.

I didn't even know about that, Cargill.

Where do you teach, and what do you teach?

Do you teach the importance of the outhouse dead body

reveal in '80s horror?

-No, I do a lot of, uh, speaking engagements,

uh, for screenwriters and teach screenwriting.

-Okay.

-And so I'll do a lot of writing classes.

I do a lot of, uh, online.

I talk about writing all the time on my my Blue Sky

and formerly on Twitter, and give lots of writing advice.

Um, I sit down with folks and go over their screenplays

and help them out with things, so...

-Okay. -I don't teach official classes,

but I have held seminars at like South by Southwest

and Austin Film Festival and things like that.

-Okay, well, let's talk about "The Black Phone 2."

"The Black Phone 2: Its Still Fucking Ringing".

Right? Isn't that the title?

-Is it really? -True story -- No.

True story -- Every day on set of "Black Phone",

I would sit down next to Scott in a chair, and I'd be like,

"All right, hear me out."

And he'd be like, "Okay."

And he'd be always take me seriously every time.

I'd be, "Black Phone 2: Call Waiting",

"Black Phone 2: Bigger and Blacker."

And I'd just get more and more absurd as they went on.

-You can use it.

If you still have time, you know you can use it.

It's still fucking ringing. -It's still fucking ringing.

"Party Line" I think is great.

-All right.

You know, we had another Blumhouse filmmaker on the show,

David Gordon Green.

And David's favorite movie

that he wanted to show at Halloween

was "Angel".

Student by day, hooker by night.

-For Halloween.

-And now you show up with a film by Andrew Davis,

who was the cinematographer on "Angel".

So all Blumhouse connections lead back to "Angel".

-All roads lead to "Angel".

-All right, well, stick around

because we're going to need lots more of your justifications

for "The Final Terror",

which up until now has been the mildly inconvenient terror.

But maybe it's about to get better.

-So... -Maybe!

-Roll it.

Okay, everybody, let's put on some camo

and think like a forest.

See, that's like one of those acting classes

where they go, "You're a tree.

Go ahead, show me. Be a tree."

And I always wanted to say,

"How about if you be a water balloon,

and we'll take it from there?"

But of course I didn't. I never was a smartass.

I tried to be a tree.

-I figured you were going to come at me

with, "Act like a tree and leave."

-Well, we'll get to that later.

I can't say I was ever a tree. I failed at the tree improv.

But speaking of great actors.

-We actually speaking about great actors.

-Well, no, but I forgot to mention that, um, Mike,

who was just discovered cut into a dozen pieces in the outhouse,

was played by Mark Metcalf,

most famous for his role as Doug Neidermeyer,

the frat boy bully in "Animal House",

the guy who gets dragged behind the horse

when they hit the butt of his horse with a golf ball.

Um, and I guess he got this job

because somebody said, "We need a bad leader for this group."

So, hey, how about Niedermeyer?

So another genius casting decision.

-Genius. -In "The Final Terror".

-Four starts. -Who doesn't want to watch him

get hacked apart mid-coitus?

-Exactly.

-Eggar!

Get your ass out here!

Eggar!

We coming to get you, man!

-Guys, what's going on in there?

Oh, God.

-There any of Mel's things in here?

Oh, my God!

-I'm going to kill that bastard.

-We can't leave without Melanie.

-I'm going to kill him. -Come on, Windy.

Don't stay in here.

Windy!

-Let's get the hell out of here.

Let's get down by the river.

-I'm going to kill him.

-Let's go!

-Let's burn this sucker.

Burn this whole thing down right now.

-No! We got to show them what Eggar did here.

-We stick together, get the hell out of here

and let the cops handle it.

-There ain't room for all this stuff.

Get in and come back.

-This one?

-Take mine. -Take that one.

-Make sure you got something warm on.

-Hey, I hope you guys realize I can't swim.

-Don't worry, sit by me.

-Keep your eyes open, no more surprises.

-Even!

-Watch the edge.

-Hey, Boone, give me the canteen.

Anybody want any water?

-I'll have some.

-Melanie!

-You're dead, Eggar!

-Eggar!

-Come back, Zorich!

-Hold it!

-Enough already.

-Faster goddammit, move it!

-Come on, come on, come on.

We got it, we got it, we got it, come on.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!

-Wait! -Easy, jump in.

Easy.

-Here, Vanessa, okay.

Okay, let's go.

-Get off the raft!

Just get out of that boat!

-Zorich, don't be hollering at her no more!

-Oh, oh, oh!

-We got you, we got you.

Come on, be cool. -Vanessa!

-Relax, relax!

-Shit! -Only three feet, lady.

-Oh, shut up! -I've had enough of you Zorich!

-How could he do all this?

-I don't know, man.

But I know if we can get that thing started,

we can get our butts out of here.

-It's a trap.

We'll stay here til dark.

-Be careful Boone! -Shh, Windy, be quiet!

Come on, Eggar.

Come on, Eggar, I know you're on here.

Be careful. Stay back.

Come on, Eggar, come on out.

Come on, Eggar.

-What you see?

-He's not here.

Come on in.

-All right, our stuff is still here.

-Where the hell is he? I know he's here somewhere.

-Zorich, is there any keys up there?

-Yeah.

No juice.

-Well, we going to start this mother anyway.

Come on, let's check under the hood.

-Check the battery.

-The wire's cut.

-Here.

-Marshmallows, chocolate.

-Check against the back, there.

-I done did, it ain't here.

-Shit.

-This bus ain't going nowhere.

Eggar took care of that.

-Then we sure shouldn't stay here.

-And what we going to do, Windy? Go down the river at night?

What we going to do is stay here til sunrise.

-Not so bad. There's some dry clothes,

and there's some food in the cooler back there.

-I'll eat anything.

-Come on, Windy, light up a joint.

-Want an orange?

-I'll take a piece of fruit.

-Okay, let's do some mushrooms

while we're sitting in the abandoned school bus

waiting for the killer to show up.

-Heck, yeah!

-You think mushrooms are the answer to everything.

-They kind of are.

-I have to say, I don't remember a slasher

where they say, "Don't split up.

In fact, let's form ourselves into a commando squad."

Which is why there's occasionally some online

comments about this movie being the inspiration for "Predator."

-I wouldn't totally shock me. -Really? Really?

So the character of Zorich, crazy as a loon, drug head,

probably suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome,

is chosen to be the leader.

Or I guess he chooses himself to be the leader

under the old theory of, okay, we're dealing with crazy,

we need crazy to fight crazy, right?

-Yeah. -You think that's

a good decision?

-I think it's a terrible decision,

but it makes for enjoyable entertainment.

Uh, no, I actually -- I think one of the things

that I connect with this film very much

is I actually had a camp horror situation in my life.

I was literally a camp counselor at a camp,

and a masked man showed up rifling

through one of the cabins.

And it led to everyone freaking out.

And what everybody did is everybody grouped up.

Everybody that had, uh, been licensed to teach, uh,

shooting had a rifle,

and we grabbed all the kids, and we went up to this one place

and held up,

and everybody had to kind of commando up

to make sure nothing happened to any of the kids,

because that was our job.

And I was 17 years old at the time,

and I'm freaking the fuck out.

And so if Zorich were there going,

"We got to be like the forest, we got to think like the forest,

let's take mushrooms,"

I'd be like, "Yeah, man, let's do it, let's go."

-So you watch "The Final Terror" and think,

oh, real life.

-Uh, to a small degree,

the smallest of possible degrees.

I empathize with the characters

and understand how they, you know,

because everybody's kind of losing their minds.

But that's what my experience was like.

-Let's talk about Zorich.

Let's talk about John Friedrich. That's the actor.

There was an online campaign to find John Friedrich

because he was one of those actors

who just disappeared from Hollywood.

His last credit was 1984,

but that was after he was in "The Thorn Birds",

He had did a lot of oddball teen roles.

He was in "The Wanderers."

He was in "The Boy in the Plastic Bubble."

He had a very memorable scene with John Travolta.

He was the other boy in the plastic bubble.

"Fast Walking."

"Thank God It's Friday."

In other words,

extremely versatile actor doing great work.

He's getting reviews saying, this guy's the next DeNiro.

He's getting jobs, and then he vanishes.

And so people started doing one of those

"Where's John Friedrich" things, you know, all over the internet.

Did he die? Did he get into a bad accident?

Did he do too many mushrooms?

And they eventually found him,

and he was like, "Yeah, here I am.

No big deal."

After 'The Thorn Birds',

I got married and moved to New Mexico

and became a financial consultant.

I have a family."

Absolutely no drama to the story at all.

Just decided the acting life was not for him.

So you got to admire that, right?

-Yeah.

-All right, so this is the last film

performance of John Friedrich,

and he definitely goes out with a dramatic flourish.

Um, now, is there anything

you want to say about -- without doing any spoilers --

is there anything you want to say about

the ending of "The Final Terror"?

-Well, you know,

it feels so different from the rest of the film

in a very spectacular way.

It gets so much bigger, it gets so much crazier.

There's logic issues that you're like, "Wait,

where did that equipment come from?"

Like, you know, there's I won't spoil the scene,

but you'll be like,

"Were they lugging that around the whole time?

Because I don't -- where where was that in their pack,

and why would they have that,

and why is that part of his skill set?"

I mean, answers we don't have.

-Okay.

-To, again, life altering questions.

-I'm sure that as soon as the show is over tonight,

I'm sure that the internet is going to light up

with chat rooms that are going to be talking

about the ending of "The Final Terror".

And if you live in New Mexico,

you can hire Zorich for financial advice.

But, uh, thanks for being with us, Cargill.

I hope to see you in Dallas at our Halloween all nighter,

Joe Bob Spooktacular.

We do have cocktails. What's the name of the Darcy cocktail?

-Oh, God.

Um, Big Titty Ho On a Motorcycle.

-That's right.

Um, I want to mention that Blumhouse has

this new book coming out called "Horror's New Wave."

You know about this? -Yeah, yeah.

They reached out to all of us who,

or at least as far as I know,

almost all of us that had worked on Blumhouse movies

and interviewed us about our experiences making

the various films.

Um, and then each chapter is about, uh,

the various films and how they came to be.

Um, so there's the origin of "Sinister"

and there's the origin of "The Black Phone",

and I assume "M3GAN"'s going to be in there.

And, uh,

just all the various movies from the beginning

of Blumhouse and "Paranormal Activity"

up to present day.

-Okay. So read "Horror's New Wave",

which is about only Blumhouse films, right?

It's "Horror's New Wave",

but it's only Blumhouse film.

And, um...

-I assume.

-And come get --

-I mean, my horror films are all Blumhouse movies.

-Come to Dallas and get some free

Big Titty Ho On a Motorcycle cocktails.

That's our promise to you.

Thanks for being a special guest on "The Last Drive-in."

I hope "Black Phone 2: keeps the sequel train ringing for you.

And now we're going to watch the stunning,

and I do mean stunning conclusion of

"The Final Terror".

Roll it.

And between the time this movie was shot in 1981

and the time it finally got released in all the territories,

it took till 1985 to get it released in all territories.

Daryl Hannah made "Blade Runner" and "Splash!"

Rachel Ward made "The Thorn Birds."

And even more important,

in my opinion, she was Domino in "Sharky's Machine."

I love "Sharky's Machine."

Adrian Zmed did "TJ Hooker" and "Grease 2."

-Fuck yeah!

-Um, Joe Pantoliano did "Risky Business"

and "Eddie and the Cruisers."

Lewis Smith, who played Boone,

had a little bit of buzz from "Southern Comfort"

and "I Ought To Be In Pictures", was later in "Buckaroo Banzai",

"North and South", "The Heavenly Kid."

He was actually kind of discovered in this film, though.

So Sam Arkoff is starting a new company,

Arkoff International Pictures.

He's trying every possible way

to make "The Final Terror" a hit by using all these star names.

But he can't do it.

It's still in the red after all those years

and all those title changes and all those releases.

And so his distributor, Aquarius Releasing,

ends up suing him, and when they don't get paid,

they destroy all the prints and the original negative.

And so this version of the movie

was actually reconstructed from the prints owned

by just six collectors.

They used the most visible prints.

You'll notice there were some scenes

that sort of fade to black,

even though Andrew Davis was doing his own cinematography.

And so "The Final Terror" was preserved

so that it can be celebrated by thousands of geeks --

actually, by just one geek, C. Robert Cargill.

And immortalized in places like this.

So does that about sum it up?

-That sums it up perfectly. -All right.

-We got to save, and we got to celebrate.

-All right, I'm going to give you the last word.

Go ahead. Give you the last word on "The Final Terror".

-The drive in will never die.

-Not that.

-Well...

-No, the final word is this.

This ending that is coming up,

it is so shocking, it is so out of the blue.

It's very hard to process the first time you watch it.

It definitely deserves a rewatch,

and I hope anybody that had some inkling of enjoyment

tonight goes back and watches it all the way through,

picks up the threads, and enjoys it the way I do.

-Okay, Cargill.

Very pretty trees in this movie.

-Gorgeous trees. -Think like a forest.

-I told them not to come.

-Pull, darn it!

-Pull on it!

-Get out of the way! I'll kick the door open!

-Kick it, Marco!

-Get out the back!

-Eggar!

Eggar!

Eggar!

-Leave them alone!

-It's stuck! -Break the goddamn thing!

-Don't push me!

-Come on, let's go!

-I'm stuck!

I'm fucking stuck!

-Come on, Zorich!

-Where do I go?

-All right, keep going!

Stay together, keep running!

-Where we running to?

-Just keep going!

-I don't know, just keep running!

-I can't see a thing!

-Come on, lady!

-Zorich!

Zorich, wait up!

Zorich?

Boone?

Just got to find a way out of here.

Find a way out of here, I'll be fine.

Zorich!

Margaret!

Vanessa?

-Goddamn it, Zorich, why'd you let her out of your sight?

Windy!

Windy!

Windy!

-Windy!

-Windy!

-Windy!

-It's okay, we're here. It's okay, it's okay.

Where'd he go?

-It's okay, we're here, it's okay.

-I'm going to have to stop the bleeding.

I'll need something to sew her up with.

-Here.

-And quickly.

-There's a first aid kit at the bus.

We're going to have to go back.

-I'll go.

-Hines, you stay with us.

Zorich, you go.

-It's okay, Windy, it's okay.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's okay, Windy, it's okay.

We're right here.

-Okay, Windy. It's going to be okay.

-Come on, you guys, hurry, please!

-Come on, let's go!

-There, there.

You're going to be okay. You're going to be okay.

It's going to be all right.

Come on, just relax. Margaret knows what she's doing.

There, hold on, hold on.

That's good, that's good, that's good.

It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay.

-Doing good. -It's all over, it's all over.

-Eggar's the enemy.

And our job is to kill him.

-Eggar should die.

-Zorich.

There's too much room up here to trap him.

If we get him down in the ravine, it'll be nice and close.

-Cut the song, Zorich.

Crazy bastard.

-Easy now, take it easy now.

You okay?

-Y'all watch your step.

Zorich, shut up.

Okay, this is great.

This is where we're going to do it.

-Great.

This is great.

Come here!

Found something!

-I'm going to kill him.

Right here.

-This is where it's going to happen.

Beautiful.

This is beautiful, ain't it?

You know something?

Throughout all this, I respect him.

He's just quiet, waiting.

That's the reason we lost the war.

You know that, don't you?

Well, the VC knew that.

They did.

They knew about the forest.

-You took them mushrooms, didn't you?

-We found some magic mushrooms in the shack.

He's stoned out his mind.

Damn you!

-Hey, man, it's a war game!

-Then get your act together!

-You blonde haired bitch.

You keep off my ass!

-Zorich, goddammit!

We need your help.

-You're damn right you do.

-Okay, good, Zorich.

You do your thing, okay?

And we'll do ours.

Leave him alone. Come on, let's go.

-Chump.

-Goddamn.

I ain't stoned.

-How you doing? -Okay.

-Hey, Cerone!

Nobody's keeping your ass here!

-Eggar!

Eggar!

Eggar!

Eggar!

Listen to me, Eggar!

They're going to get you, Eggar!

They're going to get you bad, Eggar!

I don't give a damn, Eggar!

I just want to get out of here!

Eggar, I want to help you!

Damn you, Eggar, show yourself.

Where are you, Eggar?

-You say too much!

I told you not to come!

But now you done it.

They're going to take her away.

They're going to take away. Why'd you come?

Why'd you come?!

-Now!

-Mom!

Mom!

-Oh, my God, Darcy!

You look exactly like the killer.

-I'm thinking like a forest, sir.

-Whatever else you want to say about "The Final Terror",

that is one hell of an ending.

And you can see how Andrew Davis became one

of the top action directors in the business.

From the third act climax to the end of the movie,

that's about, what, 30 seconds?

But that's all you need, isn't it?

-That's the genius of it.

-Once you once you hear Eggar shout, "Mom", you get it?

There's a lot of crazy moms in slashers.

-True. -But Eggar's mom

was played by Anthony Macario, who was a crew guy.

But this was made before the trope of the crazy mama

was firmly established.

Because it's 1981.

-The ending almost makes it worth it.

-The official release date is July the 14th, 1983,

but really, it kept moving around the country

through 1985 under various titles,

various marketing campaigns.

It was called "Bump in the Night",

"The Forest Primeval", "Carnivore",

"Campsite Massacre."

That was the title in the UK,

where it played on a double feature

with "Hellcat Mud Wrestlers."

-Nice. -"Three Blind Mice",

"The Creeper",

"Death Trap on Mill Creek", and "Angst."

It was probably Sam Arkoff who suggested "Angst",

because by that time, the movie was nothing but angst for him.

The theatrical poster tagline was, "Can anyone survive?"

And the answer was, "Well, yeah,

almost all of them do survive."

-Anyway... -Survival night.

-Anyway, it's time

to find out what poured into Joe Bob's mailbag this month.

What you got?

-Here you go. -All right.

-We have an email from Michael Korosec

of Vilonia, Arkansas.

-Vilonia?! -Yeah.

-That's cool.

-Is it? -Yeah.

Vilonia is between Conway and Beebe.

-How do you know that?

-High school football reporter for the Arkansas Democrat.

I know every high school football team

in the state of Arkansas.

Vilonia Eagles, class A, single-A.

-Well, thank you for that information.

Now read the letter, please.

-All right. "Hey, Joe Bob.

My name is Michael Korosec,

a working class guy from small town Arkansas.

I work for Walmart supply chain and live in Vilonia.

Grew up here my whole life.

I'm 42 years old, a veteran of the Iraq war,

the United States Marine Corps.

Been a horror fan my whole life.

I've been watching you since I was a little boy,

love 'The Last Drive-in.'

Got to share the love of horror with my children.

I have five and one on the way.

They are 21, 19, 15, 4, and 2.

Two girls. Three boys.

And as you'll be able to see with the attached video,

my 4 year old and my 2 year old,

their favorite movie is 'Critters.'

So maybe one day you can show

and review 'Critters' and 'Critters 2.'

I would like to say

how much I appreciate all the memories from my youth

and the memories I've been able to share with each

and every one of my children.

Thanks to you and your show. Your fan, Michael Korosec.

Vilonia, Arkansas." Wow.

Thank you for your service, Michael,

and thank you for populating the planet.

I mean, six kids at the age of 42,

still working on having a bigger family.

So, did you watch the video that he sent?

-Yes. It was so cute. I wish we could show it.

-Yeah, we don't show video or pictures of minors,

but I will do a video back for the kids.

And, um, Michael, I'll check on the status of "Critters."

We've had it in the past.

I think my friend Mick Garris did "Critters 2."

Is that right? -Yes. I love "Critters 2."

-Yeah. You like "Critters 2"? -Yes.

Easter. Easter classic.

-I don't even remember who directed Critters 1,

to tell you the truth.

-Stephen Herek, the same guy who did

"Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure."

-Okay, well, now that we know "Critters" is big in Vilonia.

Um, actually, you can stream the "Critters" series.

That's a series that we have at Shudder.

-Yeah, they're like really short, like 10 minute episodes.

You know, it's cute.

-10 minutes?

-Yeah. -All right.

Perfect for a 2 year old, though.

And a 4 year old. -They are.

-Anyway, thanks, Michael.

Sometimes we need to be reminded

that getting back to basics is always a good idea.

And that's it for me And for Darcy the Mail Girl.

Thanks to our special guest, C. Robert Cargill.

Go watch "Black Phone 2" if you like the show

or even if you didn't like the show.

And I'm Joe Bob Briggs,

reminding you that we're going to paint the town

and the front porch this Halloween.

We'll be back with our usual Halloween special,

which this year is called "Splatter Ween."

-Yeah. -But in addition to that,

we'll be doing a double feature on "Fear Fest" over on AMC.

We're doing "Nightmare on Elm Street"

and "Freddy Vs. Jason" back to back.

-Yeah! -And then we'll be live at

the Texas Theatre in Dallas

on Halloween for a "Dusk to Dawn Spooktacular."

Five movies plus all kinds of zaniness.

Come join us if you can for that.

I know you, Darcy,

are going to try to start a whole new "Rocky Horror"

type performance art movement that night.

-You have no idea. I'm so excited.

This has been my goal for so long.

It's a movie that deserves it.

-Well, whatever. -Under appreciated classic.

-It's also the night that we'll do the official "Halloween 3"

throwdown debate.

-I thought we weren't telling people that.

-I don't know.

It's going to get nasty on the stage of The Texas Theater.

-Very nasty. -And even though we're

indoors that night, the drive in will never die.

What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

-I think you did that one already.

-Did you get a kindergarten joke book?

What's going on?

-You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?

-What?

-Because they're really good at it.

-Okay. -Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says, why the long face?

-I just don't even know.

These are, like, literally the oldest jokes ever,

just so you know.

-All right.

-Do you want applause for that?

-What do you get when you cross a dyslexic,

an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Somebody who lies awake all night wondering

if there's a dog.

-Okay. That's better. -You want me to say it again?

-No. Why would I want --

-All right, I'm going to tell you a real joke.

This is a real joke. -Okay, a real joke.

-I'm not going to go out on a lame one.

Guy's married a long time,

and he finds out he's unable to perform sexually.

So he goes to the doctor,

and he tries a few things, and nothing works.

And finally the doctor says to him, "It's all in your mind."

So he sends him to a psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist meets with him a few times, says,

"I don't know how you can possibly be cured",

and refers him to a witch doctor.

So the guy goes to the witch doctor,

and the witch doctor says, "I can cure you."

And he throws some powder on a flame

and there's a flash of billowing smoke.

And he says, "This is very powerful healing,

but you can only use it once a year.

All you have to do is say one, two, three,

and it will rise for as long as you wish."

And the guy says, "All I say is one, two, three?

Okay. I say that, and then what happens

when I'm finished, when it's over?

Witch doctor says, "All you or your partner have to

say then is, "One, two, three, four.

But be warned, it will not work again for a year."

So the guy goes home that night.

He wants to surprise his wife with the good news.

They get in bed. He says "One, two, three."

And it works. He's ready to go.

His wife turns over and says, "What did you say

one, two, three for?"

-Oh!

Gotcha.

-♪ We are drive-in mutants

-♪ Drive-in mutants ♪

-♪ We are not like other people ♪

♪ We are sick -♪ Sick ♪

-♪ We are disgusting -♪ Disgusting ♪

-♪ We believe in, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ If life had a vomit meter ♪

♪ We'd be off the scale -♪ Off the scale ♪

-♪ As long as one drive-in remains on the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party like jungle animals ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

Made in Georgia.

pass