Original subtitles

-♪ Hey, everybody, have you heard the news? ♪

♪ Joe Bob is back in town ♪

♪ He's over at the drive-in, hanging around ♪

♪ Watching crazy movies, so come on down ♪

♪ To Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Blood, beasties, boobies, and more ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's a spooky good time with monsters and ghosts ♪

♪ Crazy, kooky fun with the world's greatest host ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

-You know what burns my bacon?

-You mean, what else?

-What do you mean "what else?"

-Besides the 8,000 things you've already mentioned

that burns your bacon? -Yes.

Another additional thing that burns my bacon

is when people say,

"What a great actor that guy is."

But they say it with a sneer, like they're putting him down,

or they're scolding their four year old and they say,

"She is such a little actress."

You know, when people say stuff like this --

well, you know what they're saying?

"What a great liar that person is," you know,

or you see a lawyer manipulating all the facts in the courtroom,

acting self-righteous to make the jury cry,

doing a thousand little tricks,

and his mom will say, "Look at Richard.

He's the real actor in this family."

And the reason this is annoying is that I like actors

and I admire what they do.

And it's the opposite of pretending,

and it's the opposite of lying.

Great actors spend most of their time

every day thinking about how to be truthful,

how to say their lines in such a way that they're not lying.

Even though the lines were probably written

by somebody else and probably written

without knowing who was going to say the lines.

In fact, when somebody says, "The acting was so bad,"

when you say that,

they just mean the person was obviously lying.

He didn't mean what he was saying.

So are you with me on this, Darcy?

-Not really, but go ahead.

-All right. -Continue.

-Well, I'm going to be talking about Alec Guinness

here in a minute because he's in "Mute Witness."

-Yay! -Um, and Alec Guinness was a pure actor.

He wasn't really a movie star.

Uh, movie stars are not pure actors.

Most of them are doing some exaggerated version

of themselves, and they're doing it over and over and over again.

No matter what the role calls for.

Um, like Tom cruise.

Tom cruise, he's a good actor,

but he's a movie star actor.

He's going to give you Tom cruise no matter what

his character name is.

Brad Pitt, same thing.

Sylvester Stallone, same thing.

But Alec Guinness, he was different in every role

that he played, and he had hundreds of roles.

-Obi Wan was always the same.

-Well, that's true, but Alec Guinness is --

That's Alec Guinness's most hated role, Obi Wan Kenobi.

He despised Star Wars 'cause, you know,

'cause he said it didn't allow him to act.

-I know. I disagree.

-But my point is, actors are not con men.

They are truth men.

They're trying to talk the way we would all talk

if we told the pure, barefaced truth to everybody.

Except we never do.

You can't go around speaking the truth,

especially into people's faces.

I mean, we would all start killing one another

if we did that.

-That's sad. -No, that is not sad.

If we walked up to everybody we saw and said stuff like,

"Hey, I notice you have a giant birthmark on your right temple.

At first I thought it was a tattoo," you know,

then the world would descend into chaos.

You know, civilization demands

that we do not speak the absolute truth.

Uh, but anyway, when an actor nails a role

and when he really believes every single thing that he says,

and when everything looks just exactly the way

it should look in the movie or in the play,

everybody says, "Well, he was just being himself,"

or "he must be that way in real life."

They never say what a great actor

when it's natural like that.

But take somebody like Charlton Heston in the old days,

or James Earl Jones or Katharine Hepburn.

Um, those were people who always over-acted just a little bit.

You know, somebody who does that --

they do that old Hollywood thing

of making everything just a little bigger than it should be.

People go, "What a genius, what a genius."

In other words,

if you lie in a certain way, you become a great actor.

But if you have to lie in a powerful way

or a weak way --

Well, only amateurs lie in a weak way.

And when that happens, then you just suck.

You get this? Do you see what I'm talking about?

Remember Barbara Hershey in "The Entity"?

-Yes! -She gets repeatedly raped by a demon.

-That I understand.

-All right, Barbara Hershey is always believable

'cause she's different in -- every time you see her.

In "The Entity," she's actually being raped

by a point of view camera, all right?

But you buy it.

She finds the true moment in that.

Uh, Willem Dafoe.

Great actor, but he's the same as Barbara Hershey.

That --They're these people that are always

"hard to cast."

Hard to cast that person.

The reason they're hard to cast is you can't think of them

and just immediately see what they would look like in a role.

If you hear an actor's name

and you immediately think of a certain style --

Wilford Brimley, you know --

you think of a certain way of doing things.

That's not a great actor. That's a great liar.

You know, that's a politician.

You know how politicians discover a certain way

of speaking that their audience likes,

and so they always speak that same way?

You know, we used to have a show business term for that,

but you don't hear that much anymore.

You know what I'm talking about, right?

-Ham? -Yeah. Ham.

There are no hams in tonight's movies.

That's what I'm talking about. -Okay.

-That's my point. -So what's the theme tonight?

-The theme tonight?

-Yeah. What's the point tonight?

-Um...

Survival.

Both movies are about survival.

-Okay. -Or as it said on

the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" poster,

"who will survive and what will be left of them."

-But isn't survival sort of every movie that we show?

-Yeah, that's what I said.

But when we can't think of what theme it is,

we call it survival night.

-All right. Survival night. Yeah!

-And speaking of kick-butt acting,

"Mute Witness" is one of those movies made in Russia

right after the Berlin Wall came down and communism collapsed

and everybody realized, wow,

there's a whole bunch of studios and sets and crews

that nobody's using over in Moscow

and Saint Petersburg and Sofia

and Budapest and Bucharest

and all these places in Eastern Europe

that suddenly had giant backlots and no money.

And so they would make any kind of deal

to get production in there.

Roger Corman was one of the first guys

to take advantage of that.

He made movies in the capital of Bulgaria --

Sofia.

Um, he made "Dracula Rising" there,

um, and then he went to Mosfilm Studios in Moscow,

and he was just blown away

'cause they had these oceans and oceans of old sets

that have been used in Russian movies.

And so Roger goes --

he goes in and he makes all these ultra cheap movies.

Uh, "Haunted Symphony,"

one of the best Edgar Allan Poe type horror flicks of the '90s.

Uh, Bram Stoker's "Burial of the Rats,"

and, um, there were so many made there.

We ended up with a film within a film

about making films in Moscow --"Mute Witness."

Which is --That's what we're going to show.

It's an ultra cheap movie

that's about making ultra cheap movies in Russia.

Uh, the script -- the original script

was actually set in Chicago.

But when writer, director, producer, Anthony Waller

found out he could make it in Moscow

for 10% of what it would cost him in Chicago,

he said, "Oh, yeah, I can rewrite for that.

Let's go. Forget Chicago, long live Russia!"

And so he set out on this adventure to make a movie

that was supposed to cost, um...

Uh, uh, well...

The original movie in Chicago was 10 million.

He thought he could make it in Moscow for 1 million.

It ended up costing 2 million

because there are other things you have to pay for in Russia

that are not listed on any invoice,

if you know what I mean.

And I think you do.

-I don't. -So "Mute Witness" is a great thriller

and they use Oleg Yankovsky --

the Robert De Niro of Russian film --

is one of the main characters.

And this movie is amazing, I think.

It's basically one long chase scene.

Um, the main character, Billy,

is a special effects make up artist,

the kind who knows how to paint the walls red with gore.

And one night after filming, she gets locked in the studio.

She hears a noise. She investigates.

She witnesses what looks like a porno film being made

by a couple of creeps from the crew.

Uh, and unfortunately,

the star of that porno film is a big-breasted mama

with 70 miles of bad highway on her face.

And at the climax, she gets hacked up with a butcher knife.

And so Billy can't speak.

Not because of that. She's already a mute.

But she knows that she didn't see any special effects makeup.

That was a real killing.

And then Oleg, he of the butcher knife,

hears a noise in the studio and hightails it after her,

leading to one long chase scene that lasts all night

and involves the Russian mafia and the Russian cops,

and a mysterious gangster known as The Reaper,

and a goofball American director and his girlfriend,

and zaniness with deadly weapons ensues.

There has not been a mute girl movie this good

since Abel Ferrara did it with "Ms .45."

So let's take a look at those drive-in totals and get started.

We have...

...the rarely seen Donald Duck toilet brush fu.

Academy Award nominations for Marina Zudina

in the title role for saying...

well, for saying nothing.

Fay Ripley as the concerned sister

turned gun-toting avenger.

Evan Richards as the shallow American director.

Oleg Yankovsky as the mysterious fixer.

And Anthony Waller, a first time writer director,

for doing things the drive-in way.

Four stars.

Joe Bob says, "Check it out."

And you know, while --while Anthony Waller

was making "Mute Witness,"

another --well, his was a British and German film crew --

there was an American film crew that was also in Moscow.

And you know what they were making at that time?

Early '90s. -"Police Academy 7."

-Yes. "Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow."

It's disturbing that you know that, Darcy.

That you know-- -I know the important parts of history.

-"Mission to Moscow."

-It's got Ron-- -"Police Academy 7."

-Yes, it's with Ron Perlman

and Christopher Lee playing the Russians.

-Yeah, they didn't even use the real Russians.

They used Ron Perlman and Christopher Lee.

-Remember when-- -Acting.

-Remember when the Berlin Wall came down

and everybody said, "Well, that's it.

No more wars. Everybody's friends now."

-I believed it.

-Pretty stupid right?

-Hey!

It made sense.

♪ Stop, bake it ♪

-They can't do anything about it.

♪ Not so blue ♪

-We interrupt this program

to bring you

a special news bulletin.

Ernest Strohbecker

and two accomplices

escaped from a

maximum-security ward

in Bellevue Hospital last night

after brutally

stabbing two nurses

and a custodian to death.

Strohbecker is extremely

dangerous, brutal,

and unpredicta--

Harry?

Harry?

Harry?

Ah!

Harry!

-Shh!

Shh!

He has the hots for you.

Cut. Brilliant.

Ah.

Natasha!

Okay, I think we have a little communication gap here.

When I said "more",

I didn't mean trash the fucking set.

This, this is not Chekhov.

You're not the star. You're just another victim.

You get stabbed. You die.

I-I wanna see the pain.

I wanna see the blood spurting.

-Billy, uh, where was the blood?

I wanna see her bleed to death. Okay?

Okay?

Let's do it again, folks.

-Oh.

-Okay, you make the blood flow

uh, by squeezing the bag with your elbow.

Okay? -Sure.

-We're gonna be here till Christmas, right?

-Ah, no. -Natasha.

Uh -- -Yes?

-Tell him you make the blood flow

by squeezing the bag with your elbow.

- Oh. - Okay.

-Tell her that he will get it right next time.

-Um, she --she heard you.

Y'all keep forgetting, she -- she can hear you perfectly well.

-Oh, I'm sorry. -Okay?

Okay, from the top.

Stop, stop, stop!

-What, what's the holdup?

-What is he saying? -He says he's awfully sorry,

but he needs at least a day to redress the set.

-A day?! -Yes.

-Oh!

Okay, well, let's just do the close-up

of the corpse, and that'll wrap it for today, okay?

Come here, okay.

All right. Okay.

So, um, what I wanna do is zoom in, uh,

do a slow zoom into the puddle of blood.

Quickly.

-Yep.

-Billy.

Madame Olga wants some sugar in her blood again.

So, uh, he's kind of cute.

Three months in Moscow, cold winter nights...

Just a thought.

Billy, that's what Mom would say.

Hi.

Eh, yeah.

-He says use more white like a real dead body.

-Okay, Boris, get everyone ready.

Uh, out of frame, Billy.

-What --What is going on now?

-Andy, sorry, it's six o'clock.

-One shot, one more shot! -Sorry, we have no time.

One shot! It's -- I can't believe this.

-Ah, she needs to go get Strohbecker's face.

-Oh, right! His dummy falls off the balcony on Monday.

-We'll wait here for you.

-Karen, she's got her own car.

-Okay, okay.

Um, don't forget tonight.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah! Fiesta!

I'm making my famous chili con Clarke.

Alex, what do you say? You coming?

-Sorry. I have tickets for the Bolshoi Ballet tonight.

-Well, try and stay awake.

-♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ Party, yeah ♪

-Ooh!

-♪ Party, yeah ♪

♪ This is no party for this our home ♪

Yeah.

-♪ So don't you expect our chicks to be nice ♪

-Oh.

Damn.

-♪ But this is no reason for being alone ♪

♪ We wanna party ♪

Ah, honey!

Honey, can you get that?

-♪ We wanna party ♪

Honey!

-I'm in the shower!

-♪ We love to party ♪

-Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

-Didn't it even cross your mind? It could've been Billy.

-I was thinking about dinner.

I'm still thinking about dinner.

-She's not there either. Shit.

Okay.

Uh...

Hello, Billy?

Thank God. She's there.

Are you all right? -Ask her about the mask.

Uh, you wanna tap something through?

Wait, wait, wait.

Um... -Oh, man!

-A... -Oh, man!

-O...

-Oh, man. -L?

-Oh, man. -Was it L?

The second letter, was it L?

Shit!

-A-L-L? -Ah!

-O-K.

-We're eating out tonight. -Okay.

So, so are you coming over now?

Um, do you have the mask?

Well, um, don't worry. Just -- Just get over here.

You hungry?

-Bye.

-Oh.

-Stop, stop, stop.

Hey, Suras.

-Ah!

Ow! Ah!

Ow!

Ah!

No!

No!

No!

-You know, you get the impression

that if you are an outsider in Russia

or probably any Eastern European country --

What was the "Hostel" country?

Slovenia? I think it was Slovenia.

-Slovakia. -Oh, okay.

What's the difference between Slovenia and Slovakia?

Are those both countries...

-Two letters.

I don't know, man. -Yeah. Very funny.

Okay. So, Eli Roth -- Eli Roth...

He can never go back to Slovakia.

He makes Slovakia famous as the snuff film capital, right?

-It doesn't make me want to go there.

-But -- But -- But if you're an outsider

anywhere in Eastern Europe,

you never want to see something you're not supposed to see.

I mean, Billy could have seen something

far more innocent than a snuff film

and still be in danger of having her finger sliced off, right?

We know just by looking at these two guys,

they're probably not regular churchgoers.

-It was a pretty good snuff film, though.

-True. Those guys did know their snuff, so.

But anyway, let's talk a little bit

about this filmmaker, Anthony Waller.

Anthony Waller was kind of a boy genius type, English guy.

He started experimenting with a Super 8 camera

when he was 11 years old,

won a bunch of awards in his teens,

and he became the youngest student ever admitted

to the National Film School in England.

He studied there for three years,

he was one of the top students.

He won a scholarship to the HFF film school in Munich,

which is a pretty highly regarded place.

But after graduation from that place,

he did what most young filmmakers do --

went to work for television.

He learned to edit while working for German TV,

and then he became a director of commercials and music videos.

And once he hit his early 30s,

he was kind of pissed off

that he couldn't get any actual feature film jobs,

and so he put up his own money for his own script

that he'd been developing for years,

and he put together a German crew

and planned to shoot the movie in Chicago

until he found out he could shoot a $10 million movie

for $1 million in Moscow.

He changed the main character and made her a mute,

and he made some other writing changes

that were specific to Russia to increase the tension.

And so the first thing he does

is he takes a tour of Mosfilm Studios.

Um, and one of the first things

they show you on the backlot of Mosfilm Studios

is a pen full of sheep.

-Why?

Special effects--

You are not about to tell us some animal abuse story

right now, aren't you? -I don't know if

you're going to consider this animal abuse,

but when they need blood for a scene in Moscow,

they use sheep's blood.

-They take blood from the sheep?

-They take blood-- -Yes, that's animal abuse!

-Is that animal abuse? -Yes!

-The sheep doesn't die.

-Just make fake blood. -They just take the--

They keep a pen full of sheep and they use the sheep's blood.

-We don't like that. -All right.

So Anthony Waller decides, um,

"Yeah, I want to film here,

but we don't want to film on the stages.

We want to film inside this dark,

grungy, rundown office area

and all these basements and parking lots."

Um, Mosfilm was the official state-run movie studio,

and it had turned out lots of great films over the years,

but it was kind of falling into ruins.

And so Waller thinks, "Perfect!

This will make the story even better."

What was not perfect was the camera equipment

they had and the lights and the --

They had a lot of analog editing equipment,

so he had to ship in 72 crates of high-tech gear.

Now, to do that, there's this special customs declaration

that by international agreement,

it says you're just bringing the equipment in for that one job,

and then you're taking it back out again.

And so you don't have to pay any tariffs or any duties.

Unfortunately, the customs officials

at Sheremetyevo Airport did not agree with that,

and they told him, "We actually changed those rules last night.

So unlucky for you.

You owe us $60,000 to bring in this equipment."

-Wow. Welcome to Russia.

-Fortunately, this new law,

which they said was passed the night before

the equipment arrived, allowed for negotiation.

So the bill ended up being $5,000 plus a case of vodka.

But there were benefits to making that deal,

because there's a scene later in the movie

where they needed to use Red Square.

Red Square costs $300,000. They have a permit.

They have an actual permit for using Red Square.

It's $300,000 for a film.

But because of the case of vodka and the airport payoff,

Red Square -- Red Square was free

as long as their camera car didn't go farther than 25 meters

into Red Square -- about 25 yards.

Not very far.

So they they shot there one night,

they waited till they had all their shots to cover the scene,

and then they told their driver, just go, go, just go for it.

Just go the fuck all the way.

So the car goes all the way from one end of Red Square

to the other to get the one shot that they really wanted,

and they got away with that.

-Welcome to indie film crews. -Exactly.

And in the meantime,

they ended up paying diddly squat

to all these great Russian actors, including our lead,

the the mute special effects makeup girl, Billy.

She was played by a very esteemed Russian actress

named Marina Zudina.

She spoke zero English,

but it didn't matter because she's mute.

But the only problem with her was that,

like most Russian actors,

she regarded movie work as secondary to theater work,

especially since her husband was Oleg Tabakov --

um, the artistic director of the Moscow Art Theatre.

So sometimes she would be rehearsing a play

and she would show up very late for her "Mute Witness" duties.

-Welcome to entitled stars...

Joe Bob. -Exactly.

Anyway, he wanted to film in Moscow instead of Chicago.

Um, that's the girl that he wanted.

So, back to the movie.

-Cool.

-There's a real art form --

and I learned this from years of travel.

There's a real art form to paying bribes in countries

that want bribes.

-I don't even know how to tip.

Bribing is, like, too much.

-You know, you're walking this tightrope of, okay,

I'm about to do something illegal.

I need to know if I'll end up being arrested

or end up getting what I want.

And so you have to know whether the guy is corrupt or not.

And so you speak in very strange sentences like,

"I could probably arrange something," or,

"You know if the government has any expenses

associated with this, perhaps my company could

pay for some of those expenses."

-That's a good way to do it.

-Or, "You know, we brought a great deal of vodka

with us from Germany,

and we might not be able to drink it all.

So perhaps you could help us out with that."

-And then watch their eyes.

And then here's the most important part --

You take $100 bill, and it has to be $100 bill,

because there's nothing larger in America --

in Western currency than $100 bill.

Unless you have euros, you could do a $500 euro thing.

You fold it into a small square

just that fits in the palm of your hand,

and, um, you can't make it too big or too small.

It has to fit right in the palm of your hand,

and you put it in the handshake. -Interesting.

It definitely sounds like you know what you're doing there.

-I have palmed a few Benjamins I have.

-Hey.

Hello?

Is anyone there?

I can explain.

Hello?

Billy!

Wait, I explain.

Lyosha! Lyosha!

Follow her!

-Hello!

Hello?

Is anybody there?

-Come here, quickly! -Oh, my God, Billy.

-Quickly!

-What on earth happened? -I don't know.

She slip and fall bad. Poor Billy.

-Andy! She's at the back!

-Get the doctor, quickly.

-You go. I'll stay here with her.

-Let go of her. -No, I must hold the girl.

She must not move.

Danger, she'll never walk again if she move.

Go!

-Yeah, okay.

Andy!

Billy.

Billy, you mustn't move.

You may become paralyzed. It's dangerous.

Don't worry. I'll be right back, I promise.

Andy!

-What's going on? Don't...

-Andy, go with the janitor and fetch an ambulance!

Billy's had an accident. -What?

-Don't just stand there! Do it, now!

Ambulance!

Ah, amb--

Come on!

-It's all right, sweetie. I'm here now.

And an ambulance is on its way.

Let go of her. She's trying to say something.

Police?

Murder.

Andy!

Andy!

-Oh, man.

Is that an old school chase scene or what?

No vehicles, no explosions, no gunfire.

Just two bad guys and one innocent girl,

cat and mouse in a rundown film studio.

Anthony Waller is taking us to film school on this one.

How many almost caught moments in that one sequence

and that elevator shaft stuff?

I don't know how many days it took to film that,

but however many it was, it was worth it.

The film was shot in Cinemascope,

and, you know, Cinemascope is long and narrow like this,

and it's rare that filmmakers

really use the full Cinemascope screen

because it is so long and narrow.

But Waller would get Billy on the left edge of the screen

and Lyosha on the right edge of the screen

to show the pursuit and the pursuer in one shot

even when they're separated by this vast distance.

So that's amazing stuff.

And, um, you know, they offered the lead role in this movie

to Marlee Matlin, the famous deaf actress

who won the Academy Award for "Children of a Lesser God."

Um, but that makes zero sense, because Billy is not deaf.

Billy can hear. She's a mute.

Um, this movie doesn't really go into why Billy is mute,

which actually seems to me a missed opportunity,

since mutism often develops from emotional trauma.

So they could have layered in some emotional trauma

and we would think Billy is even more awesome for overcoming that.

But they just say she's mute,

more as a plot device than anything else.

Um, mutism can also be purely neurological, of course,

caused by a head injury or something like that.

Anyway, odd choice, since it's such a rare disorder

and actually I should not be calling it mute or mutism.

Uh, the current term is nonverbal.

She's nonverbal. At any rate --

Uh, although I've already said it 50 times,

so does it matter?

And at any rate, I'm sure they were very happy

with the performance of Marina Zudina,

probably the first actress in history

who does not speak English

but portrays an American in a starring role.

Uh, and that is Fay Ripley as Billy's sister,

best known for portraying Jenny Gifford

in the series "Cold Feet."

Are you a "Cold Feet" fan, Darcy?

-I don't -- I don't know what that is.

-I don't either. And of course you don't.

And nobody watching this show knows what it is

'cause BritBox. -Ooh!

English television. -Yep.

It's a series that follows the lives and loves

of three 30-something couples in Manchester.

-Not my thing.

-If you say, "She's Jenny in 'Cold Feet,'"

to a Brit, they go, "I love her."

So back to the movie.

Roll it.

Billy probably has a problem with Broca's area.

-Pardon me? -Broca's area.

It's in the -- Actually it's here.

It's in the left frontal lobe.

You know how I know that?

-From that time when you went crazy

researching the movie "The Brain."

-Exactly. -Yeah.

-If Broca's area gets damaged,

you lose the muscles needed to form words.

-Oh, you're Broca is fine.

-Well, I-I should insure my Broca.

-Shouldn't joke about brain injury.

-I would never.

Although if an Italian did get injured there,

would he say, "I broke-a my Broca"?

-No, I don't think he would.

-Actually, he wouldn't say anything 'cause he'd be mute.

He'd have to sign language it.

And there's no sign for Broca.

-Just stop. Just stop.

-Okay.

-Excuse me. It's true.

We just fake murder.

If we really want to murder, why make film of it?

We're -- We're not stupid, really.

-No, no. Sorry.

We understand how she feel.

She think she see a real murder and panic.

-Where did you see the murder from?

And it was, uh, this man?

But you say here, "He wore a stocking pulled over his head.

And then they chased me through the building

and try to kill me as well."

-Guys! Guys.

English, please.

-We make test for you.

For your film.

We try make blood much big.

-Sorry, Billy. We not tell you.

Keep secret not to hurt your feelings.

-I would've let you done tests.

-Andy.

What I mean is -- What I mean is,

uh, let's see their film, I'll know if it's real.

-Ah, you're right.

Wait, stop!

Um, um, he could expose the film.

-Let her do it. Please.

Okay, um...

This -- This lets you unload the film

without needing a darkroom.

-I see. -Uh...

God, it is hot in here.

-If he had, um, exposed the film to the light,

he could have destroyed all the evidence.

Ah.

Actually, um, I haven't done this since film school.

Right. It's safe in the can now.

Um, here.

Take it to the lab immediately for developing.

It's okay.

Murder weapon? Where?

Andy! Andy!

No!

Andy! Chief!

Chief!

-Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

-I'm, uh, I'm -- I'm -- I'm not, -What?

-I'm not, uh -- I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

-You're f--

-Oh, my God.

-Tastes sweet. -It's for the actors.

They -- They put the stuff in their mouths.

-What she say?

-That it's her knife.

They broke into her box and used all her blood.

-So now she say it was a trick.

-Uh, it happened so fast,

she couldn't see the knife clearly.

But everything else, uh, she saw tonight was clear?

Huh? -Uh...

Ah, the body in the elevator shaft.

She saw that.

Shh.

-What? -What?

-What? -Sweet.

It is, uh, fake blood.

-It's fake blood.

-They -- They could have soaked the sheets

in fake blood afterwards.

-But where is the body? Huh?

Uh, here you say, "A head cut off."

-Wait, wait, uh...

She -- She says, there were more bags in there before.

-Ah.

-No, she's right.

I will show you.

From lift shaft, we take the rubbish here.

Fast. Easy.

-Oh, yeah?

Shut up.

-Hey, we need that.

Oh.

-Sorry, I can do nothing for you now.

But I will call you after I see the film.

Okay? Sorry.

-Come on.

Well, I've never been more embarrassed

in my entire life.

I-I don't get it.

I mean, Billy's a pro, she'd know the difference

between a real murder and a gag.

-Please, has she even seen a real murder?

-That's my point.

I mean, if what she saw tonight was real,

then she has seen the difference, right?

Oh, come on, honey, we all bought

the guy cutting me up tonight.

Even I believed it.

-'Cause you're a wuss.

-Uh, I'm gonna let that slide.

Uh, no offense, Billy, but, um, I'd like to re-shoot

the stuff today using that guy's knife.

It was her knife, God!

-Whatever, it looked good.

-Shut up.

-Buka!

Buka?

Buka. Oh.

Buka. Buka.

-Please, Billy, take some of mine.

You'll feel better.

Okay.

Could you pass me the salt, please?

-You could at least make the effort.

-Listen, I'm sorry.

All I can think about now is the movie,

but as soon as we get back,

I promise, I'll learn.

-How often have I heard that?

-Come on. I can understand some of what she's saying.

-What?

-Okay, how about this?

Means "makeup," right?

-Wrong, it means somebody's look,

the expression on their face. -Well, that -- that was close.

-What Billy said is she'll never forget the look

on the girl's face tonight from the moment

she knew she was gonna die.

She said the pain and the terror was real.

Uh, you can't act that.

-Come closer, Mr. Hausmann. I won't bite.

Did it go smoothly?

-About the money...

-Did it go smoothly?

-Yes, of course. No problem.

-Did it go smoothly, Mr. Hausmann?

-We did our job. The condition was--

-The condition was that everything would go smoothly.

-Yes, yes, and we have your diskette.

-And who informed the police?

-American girl say something, but nobody believe her.

-As long as there are witnesses, there's no money.

-You mean...?

-I think we understand each other, Mr. Hausmann.

-Okay, this scene with Mr. Big, the guy in the limo,

Alec Guinness, the guy they call The Reaper.

This scene and another scene were filmed in 1985,

and the rest of the movie was not filmed until 1993.

How does that happen?

Well, what happened is that Anthony Waller had the idea

for the movie, but he didn't even have a script yet.

And he was working in Munich,

and Alec Guinness was a speaker at an event in Hamburg,

an event connected to the school

where Waller got his scholarship.

So Waller goes up to Hamburg

and he chats up Alec Guinness and he lies.

He says, um,

"John Schlesinger spoke very highly of you, Mr. Guinness."

Schlesinger was the guy who sponsored Waller's scholarship.

"He spoke very highly of you when I got the scholarship,

and he especially spoke highly of your willingness

to support young filmmakers.

And was there any possible way that, um,

that you could take a small role in a movie that I'm preparing?"

And Guinness didn't want to say no,

especially since he'd been praised for his willingness

to help filmmakers.

So he said, "Well, you know, I'm booked for the next 18 months.

The only time I could do something is tomorrow morning

before I leave for the airport.

And Waller says, "Oh, great, we can do that!

We'll shoot the scene in the underground garage of this hotel

and you won't have to leave."

And Guinness says, "But please,

will you show me the script so I can study my lines?"

And you have to agree not to use my name

in the credits or for promotion."

And Waller said, "Oh, that's fine, Mr. Guinness."

And, um, which is actually--

And by the way, you'll notice

they had to follow through on that.

The Reaper is credited

as special mystery guest or something.

-Mystery guest star. -Mystery guest star.

So Waller is in a strange city.

He has no script. He has no movie.

He has no crew. He has no equipment.

He has no location.

But he goes to work.

He has people flying in from Munich.

He writes the lines he thinks he can use later

when he has an actual script,

he gets denied permission to use that hotel parking garage.

So he has to go back to Alec Guinness

and tell him that they're going to have to drive him across town

to another parking garage.

He rents a limo to do that.

He gets the scene lit.

He ends up with just 15 minutes of shooting time

with Alec Guinness because he has to get him to the airport,

and then he uses the limo to drive him to the airport,

and he breathes a sigh of satisfaction

until a few years later, after the movie comes out

and Alec Guinness publishes his memoirs,

and he says, "I was tricked.

I thought it was a student film.

I was shocked when 'Mute Witness'

was seen in theaters." He was not happy about it.

But we're happy about it.

So bravo to Anthony Waller for getting his Alec Guinness moment

and doing it the drive-in way. -Yeah.

-Guerrilla filmmaking at its finest.

Back to the movie. Go. -That's amazing, honestly.

-Oh, and I'm sure we're at the point in the story

where I'm sure the crack detectives working for

the Moscow City Police will not be fooled

by the evasions and lies of Lyosha and Arkadi.

-I think they could just palm a Benjamin at this point.

-Oh, yeah, they could palm a Benjamin.

True.

But it's even better

because they've actually convinced the cops

that they were just making a movie, which they were.

-Side note -- have you ever seen a snuff film?

-I have seen "Snuff,"

the 1976 Michael Findlay film.

But it was exposed as a hoax.

-I feel like they've all been exposed as hoaxes.

-And I guess that's a good thing,

because it means there's a limit, right?

With all the psychos in the world,

They still won't kill somebody on film just for fun, right?

-I mean, I'm not ruling out that that's happened somewhere.

I just don't think that they've proven one yet.

-Interesting. Okay.

-No, honestly, you can come back to our place

and we'll set up the couch if you want and...

What, you're not on one of your "I'll show her

how independent I am" kicks, are you?

-Honey, you coming or what?

-Andy, Goddamn it, don't you care about her?

-I don't care? I don't care?

Right, fine. I'm calling the American Embassy tonight, okay?

-It's the weekend. They're closed.

-Not for us.

My dad gave me the duty officer's direct number

before we left, just in case.

So...say good-bye.

-Mr. Lovett, these are the two officers

who answered the complaint.

-Good evening, gentlemen. -Good evening.

-Ah, please speak English to the ambassador's secretary.

My chief asked me to meet Mr. Lovett here.

If this witness is correct about what she saw tonight,

she may help my own investigation.

-Your English is quite good, Mr. Larsen.

-Thank you. My mother was a translator.

-Ah, in the university? -No, KGB.

Please.

We've been tracking gangsters in Moscow

running an international pornography

and prostitution racket.

Sit down, please.

We have information they have made snuff films here

and sold them all over the world.

-Snuff film. Is that what I think it is?

-Ah, victims believe they are making a sex film,

but they are murdered in front of the camera.

Ah, what is the name of the witness?

Ah, what -- what is it, ah?

-Billy Hughes, sir. -Billy Hughes, yes.

Ah, she claims to have seen one being made.

The victims are illegal

immigrants exploited

as prostitutes by

a gang headed by one man.

He is brutal, ruthless.

They call him The Reaper.

I'm surprised his men gave up the film so easily.

Mm, if it is what I think it is,

our witness, Billy Hughes, is in great danger.

-Hello, this is Billy Hughes speaking.

Hello.

Hello, this is Billy Hughes speaking.

Hello.

-Have you seen, ah, how do you say, snuff film before?

-I saw a woman tied to a tree,

kept alive while her arms and legs were cut off.

It's hard to talk about it

or even think about it.

And it makes you sick to watch it.

You never forget the look in the victim's eyes.

The sheer panic and horror

when they realize they're about to die.

-Yes, sir.

No, sir.

Right.

Right.

Right, sir. Right, sir.

Thank you, Mr. Ambassador, sir.

I really appreciate the call. I'll give Dad your best.

Right.

-Well?

I told you.

There's nothing to worry about.

He says the film's the biggest piece of shit he's ever seen.

-Mm.

-No!

-Hello, this is Billy Hughes speaking.

-Hi, Billy. It's Karen.

Um, I hope you weren't sleeping.

I just wanted to check and see if you're okay.

-I am fine. No need to worry.

Did you call earlier?

-No, um, I got straight through.

You sure you're okay?

-Sure, had bath. All fine.

Now I go to bed. You, too.

-I just wanted to tell you, um...

- Shh. - They saw the film,

and it's not the real thing.

That -- That's good. Right?

Billy, did I hear

something there?

-Doorbell. Wait, I'll see who.

What? Um...

It's almost one o'clock, uh,

I wouldn't get

that, Billy. Billy?

Billy? You be careful, now.

Um, check who it is first.

-Please.

I want to talk.

-Billy! Billy, are you still there?

-Would you leave her alone? Oh.

-I heard a noise, Andy. Something's happened, I swear.

Billy!

Okay, that's it. I'm going there.

-What?

-Karen, help. Call police, emergency.

Hello? Hello?

-Police, emergency.

Police?

-Yes.

Dah.

-Hello, my name is Billy Hughes.

My address is apartment 823126, Kievsky Prospekt.

Telephone, 920-55...

Hello, this Billy Hughes speaking.

This is a digital voice computer.

Please have patience

and I will answer.

-Hello, you English?

-My name is Billy Hughes.

-Yes. What do you want, please?

Hello?

-Help, intruder.

-I no understand, sorry.

-Bad man want to kill me.

-What man? I get man

who speak English, yes?

-Hello? Hello?

I -- I speak English.

Hello?

Are you okay?

If -- If you just give

your address, ah,

we send somebody immediately.

Hello?

Ah!

Ohh!

-Where is the diskette?

-Where is the diskette?

I know you have!

Aah!

-My name is Alexander Larsen.

I'm a policeman. Take your clothes.

We must get out of here.

You must hurry.

I explain everything in the car.

In the car. No time now.

They are coming.

We are in great danger.

-Once again, a beautiful cat-and-mouse

sequence as the chase continues in Billy's apartment,

and Arkadi ends up fried in the bathtub

and Lyosha ends up knocked out with a pair

of giant wire cutters or whatever those things were.

One happy coincidence of working in Moscow

in 1993 is that you were almost guaranteed

to get great actors for a fraction

of what they would cost anywhere else.

And that's because even before the Soviet Union collapsed,

the Russian government was virtually bankrupt,

so all the arts organizations that had

100% government funding collapsed along

with the country.

And that meant that Mosfilm and Lenfilm,

which was the other Russian film studio based

in St. Petersburg, could not pay the actors anymore.

And many of those actors started doing live shows,

or in some cases,

taking jobs at flea markets or department stores

to make ends meet.

And this included some

of the most acclaimed actors in the country.

So, the two snuff-filmmakers- turned-hit-men now are

Igor Volkov as Arkadi and Sergei Karlenkov as Lyosha,

and they are extremely well-trained character actors.

But the guy who plays Larsen is the Robert De Niro of Russia.

Oleg Yankovskiy, best known in the West

for two Andrei Tarkovsky films,

the "Mirror" in 1975 and "Nostalghia" in 1983.

But he had received a lifetime achievement award as early

as 1983

and was the last person to receive the country's

highest acting honor,

being named the People's Artist of the Soviet Union.

Right before the USSR disintegrated.

What's interesting is that the filmmakers had no idea

that these actors were famous.

They liked Yankovskiy because he was a hard worker,

he was very friendly, but his English was so bad

that he had to learn every line phonetically.

They were not so crazy about Karlenkov,

the Lyosha character who just got knocked out,

because he had a drug problem

and they constantly had to shift schedules to work around him.

I should also mention

that, if you're watching this with subtitles,

they intentionally did not subtitle most

of the Russian conversations

because they wanted you to experience it the same way

any outsider would where they were speaking Russian.

You kind of know what they're talking about,

but you can't be sure.

And I think they did a great job with that.

If you do translate the Russian, you'll see it all makes sense,

but it's actually a better viewing experience if you don't.

So, what else could go wrong

if you go to a country ruled by gangsters in 1993

to save money on a film budget?

Well, there could be a massive diphtheria outbreak

causing crew members to go into quarantine.

That happened.

Or tanks could open fire on the Russian parliament

in an attempted coup that shuts the city down for a week.

That happened.

Or you could find out that the amounts

that you're paying each week

for the crew members and the cast are not the same amounts

that are being passed along by Mosfilm

to the crew members and the cast.

-Wow. -Or you could have

temperatures of 23 below zero on the nights

when you want to shoot chase scenes,

and the cinematographer could order wet streets.

And as soon as the water hits the streets, it turns into ice.

Or you could be visited by the real Russian mafia

and told that you need to pay protection money.

That happened.

Or you could hire a Steadicam operator --

This is my favorite one.

You could hire a Steadicam operator

who falls down during the first chase scene

that you're shooting, breaks his rib,

and breaks his Steadicam,

and then find out that's the only Steadicam in all of Russia.

But Anthony Waller rose to the occasion in every case,

including that Steadicam case.

And almost all of those moving chase shots

were shot by Waller himself on roller skates.

-Shut up! That's fuckin' amazing!

Hell yeah. -Was that a hell yes

for roller skating or for -- -No, not for roller-skating.

It's a hell yeah for never giving up.

That's awesome. -Dang right.

And the chase is still not over.

So let's go. Roll it.

And now we have a MacGuffin.

You know what a MacGuffin is? MacGuffin is the term

that Alfred Hitchcock used for an object

that all the characters are intently focused on,

everyone must have it or must protect it

or must know about it or whatever,

and what it actually is doesn't really matter.

It's just there to motivate the action in a thriller.

And in this case, the MacGuffin is a diskette.

-And a fairly small one. -Yes.

And does anybody use the term diskette anymore?

-No. -Do diskettes still exist?

-No. Probably not.

-So it's an obsolete MacGuffin,

but it's a convenient MacGuffin

because it's thin enough to slide underneath a door.

-Oh, and thank you for that MacGuffin definition.

-I was just paying you back for your merkin definition

when you did that. -You asked.

-A merkin is far more interesting than a MacGuffin.

-You seemed extremely interested

in the merkin when we talked about it.

-I was interested in the merkin, and I'm wearing one now.

-Rawr!

-You never know.

-Quick.

It's not over yet.

-My... -Oh, my God, it's trashed.

-Billy, where are you?

-I'll call the police!

-Billy. Billy.

Oh, oh, my God. -How do you work this thing?

Oh, there it is.

-Billy! Billy!

Someone's dead in the ba--

Run, run, run! -Oh, my God!

-Come on! Come on, in here! Let's go! Get the door!

All right, I got it! -Get a chair!

-Get the chair! Get the chair!

-What chair? -The chair!

I'll get it! -All right, out of the way!

Move! Move!

Oh, my God! Get the wardrobe over!

-Andy, wait!

-Oh, my God! -I can't, I can't!

-Get out of the way! -You hold the door!

Oh, come here! Andy!

-Don't yell at me, I'm trying to get the Goddamn wardrobe

near the fucking door!

Hello?

-In the tub. -Oh, my God!

-The girl you saw murdered tonight,

her boyfriend stole a diskette full of information.

Money, names, connections, everything.

He blackmailed The Reaper. Very dangerous.

And now he thinks that you have the diskette.

You have it? Huh?

-We don't have any diskettes.

Not that one. That's my script.

-The girl had it when she went into the studio.

Then she was murdered, and it was gone.

Where is it?

Think. You were the only person there.

-Think.

-Write. Write it.

Write it.

Quick, write.

Police?

Yes, yes, but only with the diskette.

You know, I work undercover.

The Reaper thinks I work for him.

Trust me.

Trust me.

Just --

-Where is it?

Crazy!

-Ohh, boy!

-They'll kill you!

-Get in!

Get in!

Please, give me the keys.

Write.

Where is the diskette?

We cannot escape in this car.

Write. Write.

Studio? Where in the studio?

-Delta three.

Delta three.

-What?

-Think we'll what?

This is all a big misunderstanding and, ah...

Excuse me, but this is...

Ah, you don't have to arrest us.

Why is he arresting me? -Ah.

-This is ridiculous. I'm an American citizen.

-Um. -Do you understand

what I'm saying? Now, I'm a director.

You know, I'm directing a movie here in Moscow.

I'm bringing a lot of money to this place.

And -- And my father, okay, he knows

a lot of big people -- And listen.

You want money? Is that what you want?

I don't understand what is going on here!

We don't have a diskette!

-You have one more chance to tell me where is diskette.

-God. The diskette.

You know, I mean, this is ridiculous.

We don't have a diskette. That's what I'm saying.

All right, get the key.

Get the key, unlock me. -Okay, okay.

All right! -Find the key.

-He's not gonna move, is he? -Okay, okay.

Ah, okay.

-Delta three.

-All right.

Let's get out of here.

-Delta Three.

-Answer it. -Why?

-He may say something about Billy.

-Delta three?

-Here.

Talk.

-Dah.

-Dah.

Dah.

-I-I got something about a studio. Come on.

Look out!

-Ah...

Um... -Um...

-This -- It's not what you think, um...

-Nyet. -How do you say?

How do you, in Russian, what...

-Um, privyet.

-Pri-- What? What does that mean?

-Hel-- -Hello.

We need help!

-Um, okay, um... -I'm a director,

and I'm making a movie here.

-Dah. -This is not a movie.

-Put the gun away. You look like a hit man.

-He thinks we're gonna kill him!

-We're not gonna kill you. -We're not gonna kill you.

-We're not gonna kill you. -They killed them.

The policemen... -This is not even ours.

-...wanted to kill us. -We're not gonna kill you.

-We gotta get out of here. -Well, I think we should

call the cops.

-Are you crazy? -Well, we can explain this.

-Uh, explain? You are crazy.

Come on. Ah, here.

-I'll take these, too.

-And now a third chase sequence, using cars this time,

as well-directed as the first two.

And we keep layering bad guys on top of bad guys,

which I would guess was pretty much the state of affairs

in the real Russia of 1993. And -- And by the way,

we had some communication about snuff films.

Somebody pointed out that snuff films do exist

and have been verified,

and they cited the beheading of Daniel Pearl,

"The Wall Street Journal" reporter...

-Oh, yeah. Yeah, I guess there's a lot of that.

-...that was broadcast by Islamic militants in 2022

in a three-minute film.

Do you call that a snuff film, though, Darcy?

I mean...

-I mean, I wouldn't have thought of it that way,

but someone does get killed on camera, so...

-Yeah, but I think when people think of snuff films,

they think of a guy trying to make money from people

who are entertained by murder. -Yeah.

Sadly, I feel like there are probably plenty

of people entertained by murder. -True.

And that's gross, but okay. -That's gross.

-Um... -Sorry.

-I wanted to mention that people

who do not like this film

always say they dislike the character of Andy,

played by Evan Richards,

but I think what they're really complaining about is not Andy,

but the insertion of the comic relief scenes

into the most tense parts of the movie,

like the angry downstairs tenant

who keeps pounding on the ceiling due to the noise.

And I think Andy is intended to be cartoonish.

He's sort of the stereotypical dumb American

in a foreign country,

and Evan Richards is playing it that way.

We know Evan Richards here at "The Last Drive-In"

from his role as Milo in "Society."

And, um, he had also worked with both Coreys.

He was, um, Mag in

"Rock 'n' Roll High School Forever" with Corey Feldman,

and he was in "Dream Machine" with Corey Haim.

He was a child actor.

Probably his most famous role is as the son

of Bette Midler and Richard Dreyfuss in

"Down and Out in Beverly Hills."

Anyway, we're back at the studio where all the fun began,

but we have several more twists before we're done,

as we head into the surprising

yet very satisfying conclusion of "Mute Witness."

So, roll it.

I put this movie at number two

on the list of death-defying movie shoots,

where you had to have actual physical bravery

to get the movie made.

-Okay, well, what's number one?

-"The Serpent and the Rainbow." -Ah.

-Wes Craven and his cast and crew

had to flee the nation of Haiti in the middle of the night,

afraid they would be kidnapped or killed if they stayed there.

-Why were they in danger again?

-Because the shoot, they were nearing the end of the shoot,

and the Haitian workers knew they weren't going to get

any more money, and they wanted the daily paychecks to continue.

And they were getting more surly as each --

as the end of the shoot approached.

And, so, they finished the movie in the Dominican Republic.

-Couldn't they have just gone there in the first place?

-I know, right? -Okay.

-I mean, like, two countries on the same island.

One is very stable, one is violently unstable.

So you go to where the gangsters are, right?

The reason -- I asked Craven about it,

actually, and the movie was about voodoo.

And Wes was seeking "authenticity."

He wanted to be in the place of the voodoo.

-Fuck authenticity, man.

-Fuck authenticity, I agree. -Fuck that.

-And now?

Child locks.

Don't look now, but our friends are still here.

I will block the other entrances.

-What -- what are you doing? Ah, that's Red Square.

Oh, perfect.

-This damn gun, I can't work the safety.

-Shh.

-Holy shit.

-Around the back.

-Okay, jump, Andy. I got you.

-What? -I got you, I got you.

-Okay. -Ohh!

Oh, shit, sorry.

-It's no use. All lines are cut.

Where is it?

You helped us a lot, Billy. Thank you.

-The Reaper wants to meet the woman

who has kept him up all night

and witnessed a live snuff.

He wants you to do it.

-You know why we call him The Reaper?

You see his face, you die.

Oh!

Ah, nice night, isn't it?

Ah, I'm just, um...

just taking a piss.

-Right, you know.

Just, ah...

-Aah!

-Yeah! Yeah!

-Who the hell is that?

-Well, whoever it is, they're coming here.

I can't work the safety.

-Andy, come on!

-Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.

Oh!

-Oh. Hurry!

-Where is she, Larsen?

Larsen, are you reading me?

-Someone's coming.

-I'm waiting.

-I'm bringing her out now.

-Shoot him. Shoot him, Andy!

-Okay.

-Be careful of Billy! God.

Oh!

Billy!

-Stay where you are!

-Run, Billy. Run, run!

-Stand back!

-Not out there! Oh!

-Kill her, Larsen.

-No!

-Now, please, let me explain.

Please? -Explain?!

-Karen!

Argh!

Kill him.

Oh, oh, oh, God!

You genius!

-You thought we were tourists, huh?

Guess again, pal.

Don't move.

Don't move! I'm talking to you!

I'm warning you.

Don't move or I'm gonna shoot you!

Okay, one more step!

All right.

Aah!

Billy, Billy, Billy! What? -She's okay, she's fine.

-She's fine, she's okay? -She's okay.

-She's -- She's okay. -Yeah, just as we planned.

Wasn't it, my princess? -Hold it.

A cop?

-Cop?

-Oh, my God, I'm sorry.

-Sorry. -Forget it.

-Your sister was brilliant.

-Next time, hit back.

-Oh, this is the remote.

I get it.

-Big cowboy.

What? -That was an invitation

to dinner sometime. -Oh.

How you say...

it would be a pleasure?

I still don't understand.

-Wh-What?

-I don't understand

why The Reaper didn't take the diskette off me.

Who?

-Whoops. Shit, I'm sorry.

Oh.

-Big cowboy.

-Ciao!

-Billy, tomorrow!

Tomorrow!

-What's the matter?

-Big cowboy.

-Guys, could we get out of here, please?

-Uh, expression?

The car?

The car.

Get out of the car!

Get out of the car!

-Larsen lives at the end of the movie, right?

-I think so, yeah.

-He's raising up on his elbows,

and that means he lived, right?

Because even though he's on fire -- he's still on fire.

He catches on fire.

And then they have that one brief shot.

-Right. I don't think they would have had that shot

if he died in the blast. So...

-Okay. Because I want Larsen to live.

And once again, that's a great Russian actor, Oleg Yankovskiy.

And, so, "Mute Witness" was released

September the 15th, 1995.

And it did mediocre business,

but it became a festival favorite.

23 festivals, including the Cannes Film Festival.

Anthony Waller took it around to the Hollywood studios.

He was hoping to get a big international release,

and the executives would say, "Wow, great movie.

Let's remake it with some stars."

So...

So this was Waller's first film,

but he went on to shoot several more,

working as a director and a writer and a composer.

He started composing music in 1984.

Um, he set up a production company in Amsterdam.

Amsterdam?

Can we sing "Amsterdamned" again?

-Amsterdam. -♪ Amsterdamned, Amsterdam ♪

Come on people. We can -- -No, no, no, no, no, no.

If you get that song in your head,

you can't get that out of your head.

-I know, it's already too late for me.

-For a week. ♪ Amsterdamned... ♪

-♪ Amsterdamned, Amsterdam Okay, whatever.

Amsterdam. -Anyway...

in 1997, Waller made "An American Werewolf in Paris."

-Ooh. -Which did not, in my opinion,

it did not measure up to the original

"American Werewolf in London." -Still good.

-So the critics were kind of mean to it,

but its box office was respectable.

Then he made "The Guilty."

Um, well, he made that back in 2000.

Psychological thriller using Bill Pullman against type

as a ruthless lawyer who orders a hit on a woman

who's blackmailing him. Very well-made movie.

And then, uh, "9 Miles Down" in 2009,

supernatural thriller about Russian scientists

who drill oil wells so deep that they break into hell.

Decent movie.

And then "The Piper" in 2023.

Elizabeth Hurley, Julian Sands. Less said about the --

Less said, the better about that one.

-Oh, but Julian Sands. -Did you like "The Piper"?

And that's it for the first half of Survival Night

on "The Last Drive-In."

-Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No. We have mail.

-Oh, my bad. What you got? -Sorry.

Uh, a letter that deals with an old problem that we have...

-Oh, God.

-From Robert Burkosky of Edmonton, Alberta.

-That name is familiar. What is it, Robert Burkosky?

-I believe that is correct.

-That is familiar.

"Dear Joe Bob, I'm currently in post-production

on my latest film,

and as a devoted student of drive-in cinema" --

Look up Robert Burkosky while I'm reading this.

-I already did, actually. -You did?

-Yes.

-"As a devoted student of drive-in cinema,

I'm tallying up the all-important breast count.

I know the rule allows for recounting the same woman's

breasts if she appears topless in different scenes.

But I have a specific scenario I would love your ruling on."

See, this is actually a progressive moment

in drive-in cinema.

This is a director asking for prior breast count approval.

-Well, it's important. -Do you know what the film is?

He doesn't say what the name of the film is.

-Yes. I looked it up for you. It is "Heat Score."

-"Heat Score"? -Wait, wait, wait.

"Heat Score:

Crack Dealer by Day... Male Stripper by Night."

Oh. I would wa--

I would watch that. -We're intrigued already.

-I would watch that. -Okay, but finish the letter.

-Obviously, they got a poster. They must have that on a poster.

Oh. -I want it.

-All right. "If a character is topless during a sex scene,

and then again in the very next scene after a clear transition,

like a quick cutaway or a time lapse to them

waking up the next morning, does that count as one appearance,

or can it be tallied separately

since it's technically a new moment in the film?

We'd love to get the official Joe Bob Briggs

criteria on this pressing matter.

Thanks in advance. Your fan, Robert Burkosky,

Edmonton, Alberta." Robert --

-He's one half of the Burkosky brothers directing team.

-There's another Burkosky?

-There is, and they are breast obsessed.

-The breast-obsessed Burkoskys. -As we know them.

Lovingly.

-I'm gonna give them the four breasts on this.

I'm gonna prove the four breasts.

-Oh, you're so wrong! -Uh...

-I'm not giving them four breasts.

-Time lapse? -No.

-She has sex, she goes to sleep, she wakes up,

she pops those garbanzos out from under the blanket.

They're reset. They're ready for action.

They're fresh.

-It's the same boobs, though, man.

One set of breasts equals one count.

Just 'cause she moves slightly doesn't mean new boobs.

-You want to discourage these filmmakers from repeat --

-I don't want to falsify the breast count!

-All right, all right. -Okay. Sorry.

Anyway, once you've seen them, you've --

Once you've seen them, you've seen them, man.

That's the rule. Okay. Sorry.

-I'm not going to alter breast count protocol

just because of your opinions, Darcy, but I'm giving --

I'm giving the green light to Edmonton.

-Well, you're wrong. You're just wrong.

-All right. Big October coming up.

It gets better than this. -Nice segue.

Go ahead.

-Watch for us on FearFest over on AMC.

Double feature over there.

Then, join us on October 24th for Splatterween.

The annual Halloween special is called Splatterween this year.

Then, if you still need more Halloween excitement,

come to the Texas Theatre in Dallas on Halloween night.

Joe Bob's Spooktacular. Oh! -It'll be awesome!

-At some point in the month -- This is my new book, Darcy.

And, uh, this is the actual size of the book.

It's -- It's...

-It's how they can fit all your words in.

-You know, there's coffee table books

and then there's, you know, entire room books.

That's what this is.

At some point, I'm going to be going to Portland,

and I don't remember the dates,

so figure out what date we're going to launch this book

in Portland, Oregon.

-I'll find out for you. -And that's it for us.

Joe Bob Briggs and Darcy, the Mail Girl,

reminding you to keep your saddle oiled

and your gun greased.

And the drive-in will never die.

Did you fear ab-- Did you hear about

the first restaurant to open up on the moon?

-No.

-Great food, but no atmosphere.

-Wow. That's like kindergarten level, man.

-Where does a one-legged waitress work?

IHOP.

-These are like literally kindergarten jokes, man.

-Okay, okay. All right, let me think. All right.

-No. -No, no, no, no.

All right, I got a good one. -Okay.

Two windmills are side by side on a wind farm.

First windmill says, "What's your favorite kind of music?"

And the second windmill says, "I'm a big metal fan."

-Ohh, you know what? I'll take it.

Stop at that one. Stop at that one.

Metal fan. -One more, one more.

Did you hear about the big explosion

at the cheese factory in France?

-No.

-There was nothing left but "de Brie."

Oof!

-I told you, stop at "metal fan."

-All right, yeah. You were right.

I should -- I should have stopped. All right.