Original subtitles

We're a fighting commissom, better known as the spider plant.

We here at very safe labs incorporated have

cleverly modified this plant to have big teeth.

Yes.

Brilliant.

Frank matters, see babies.

What if one of them escapes and bites an inexperienced photographer?

The very notion.

No, security is our total obsession.

We've in fact hired the same people that protect Buckingham Palace.

He must admit the best in the business.

Hmm.

Apart from the man that broke into the Queen's bedroom.

Yes, birds.

And a guy from the Daily Mail that got a job there.

Well, obviously.

And the people from fathers for justice who broke in four times over one weekend.

Yeah, apart from those six isolated incidents, there are in fact pretty damn good.

I'd like to pull you through to quiet ponics.

These don't touch anything.

We'll come out in boils.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh my God, it's Jane Mary.

And she's about to be mugged.

Wait, I need a costume.

No, that doesn't work.

Right, that's better.

Wow, that was amazing.

Who are you?

I'm your friendly neighborhood superhero.

You remind me of someone I once knew.

Could it be Peter Piper, whom you once knew at school?

God, no, he was a totally not a creep.

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I couldn't fancy him in a million years.

Yeah, well, obviously I'm not here.

I mean, it's only I'm not.

That's him.

But unfortunately, I cannot reveal my true identity.

Well, that's a shame.

Because I quite fancy you.

Hey, call me.

I'd love to see you that you're costume on something.

Thanks.

Thank you.

It's by deployment.

It was the happiest day of my life.

I was a nobody no longer.

Oh, look, Dabodems, it's got a sailor.

Some breaking news now.

And Spider-Plantman has been helping out in the world of pop music.

Today, he recovered stolen mastertaves, belonging to the singer Peter Andre.

We can now go live to Peter Andre.

Oh, whoa.

Now I can release my brand new album of classic Greek show tunes.

Thank you, Spider-Plantman.

Thank you.

Well, Spider-Plantman, we meet at last.

I know that voice.

Come out where I can see you, green goblin.

Try again.

Oh, I should have known it was you, Dr. Octopus.

Oh.

The itchy skull?

Oh, not the human man.

Batman!

Spider-Plantman, you've tangled your last tendril.

Prepare to meet your bat-doom!

Oh, sorry.

Batman!

Yes.

It's me.

It's in me for a while, have you?

I used to be in films, you know?

Nobody wants a cake-cruiser to these days.

No, Spider this.

Spider that.

No, no.

I mean, you're face-banger.

Because I had my face painted.

Pencil cases, lunch boxes, doo-bait covers.

Rompa suits all gone.

Even the stripper-grams have dried up.

Had to let Robin go.

Robin?

Gone?

Yes.

Apparently he was only in it for the money.

You know what I'm driving now?

The Batmobile, the Bat Cleo!

Well, sorry, Batman.

I'd like to help you with your problems of self-esteem.

But I'm afraid I've got more important things to do.

More important.

Saving Jane Mayer is life.

What?

Helping Spider-Floreman!

Give up being a superhero.

She dies.

You, Bucker!

Where is she?

She's on a well-known London landmark.

You've just held her work it out, weren't you?

Tower Bridge? Damn.

To the Bat Cleo!

Oh, rats!

There are two engineering works that will be shown today.

Thank you.

Come on!

Where is Tower Bridge?

Look at the hole!

Let her go!

Never!

It's time for you to die.

Prepare for the epic fight that will cost exactly half the budget of the entire film!

- Two men high above London in you're in costumes.

It can only mean one thing.

Another father's for justice, Devon Scratch.

But why do ordinary men go to such extreme measures to win access rights? Excuse me.

We're real life superheroes.

Such is the psychological toll taken on these men.

Because of custody wrangling,

they have come to believe that they really are superheroes.

Only flat twist Batman, it's me!

Robert help me!

First let's read a ghostly.

I'm 20% of the back merchandise receipts this time.

I will never!

And a rub in the field!

All right, something we can talk about.

Just finish him up.

No, wait, rub in.

Come and work for me.

I'll give you 25% on all fan-chised pajamas.

In the breakfast cereal named after you would real marshmallowy bits in it.

That man?

What is the opposite? Oh, yes.

Why are you asking that question?

Is the right answer?

So incredible, sweetie.

For this vidjustice, right on.

Oh, shut up.

Right.

To the vet.

The vet's good, huh?

Well, am I glad you did that?

In fact, I'm as glad as Bernard Gladboy McGlad.

On the Gladest day of his life when he just won

the Gladest Man in North Gladmanshire competition.

In the second place, Gladest the Glad.

All right, all right, I know you're glad.

Oh, Spider-Plantman, I love you so much.

Take me home and make mad passion at love to me.

Jane Mary.

Will you marry me?

Who's asking me, Spider-Plantman or the real man beneath the spandex?

You choose.

I think we should be going now.

Phew, it's hot here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, God, that creepy to pipe is no area.

T-Hear, yeah, thank God.