All language subtitles for Shameless S11E12 720p WEB-DL HEVC x265 BONE

Look at me, right?

And look at the Queen.

I was never a fan until it occurred to me
how much me and Ma'am have in common.

Bringing up kiddies
you can't remember the names of.

I know she's not a single parent,
but she might as well be.

Plus, the pair of us, we've stuck
to our guns,

her literally sometimes,
and flagshipped a dying breed.

Admired and despised equally.

Not for never lifting a finger, no,
for setting examples through extremity.

And whether you're a bigwig on her end
or a bigwig on mine,

you've still got all your dickheads
in the middle to deal with,

snip, snip, snipping at your benefits.

I mean, she can't not be
looking at me and thinking,

"What's your secret, Frank?"

I got shot of my kids yonks back,

whereas she's yet to see
the back of a single one.

Fine!

I've had to get out of bed on occasion
to make ends meet,

whereas she, she's done
the whole thing from a chair.

Oh, and a drink for the lady.

Oh, sure, there's perks.

But, look at her lot.

Brian May prancing about on her roof.

Now, look at my lot,

we know how to throw
a proper fucking pa-a-rty!

[Mimi] I remember Liverpool in the '70s,
industry menopause.

Shipyards closed, car plants relocated,

last orders for the Scouse nation.

But did we lie down and die?
Did we fuck?

We embraced change
and expanded our horizons.

Ended up European City of Culture,
that left behind a proper legacy.

So, moral of the tale:

when the menopause
kicks in, what are you gonna do?

Lie back and wither?
Or rise like a Liver Bird Phoenix?

Why won't you tell us where we're going?

Almost there.

[car engine revving]

No way! Is that Rooney in that Porsche?

Probably was.

-[woman] Mr. and Mrs. Tutton?
-Yeah.

Never forget where you've come from,

or the people that got you there
along the way.

Because how they remember you
is the real legacy you leave behind.

-It's even smaller than ours.
-So? There's only three of us.

For all that money, though?

Location, location, location.

D'you think Kirsty would look twice
at Chatsworth?

-Who'd look at that fat parcel?
-Oh, shh.

Oh, be able to squeeze
a little bar in here.

[Mimi sighs]

-You've got a lovely home.
-Thank you.

I've been very happy here.
As I'm sure you would be.

-What's outside?
-Oh, be my guest.

The courtyard's a delightful suntrap.

Forgive me not showing you round myself.

As usual, I'm up to my neck
in charity work.

Muggins at home organising
this year's ball.

Sounds impressive.

Secretary for 12 years and never known
such a struggle raising funds.

Harsh times means less charity.

And now when you need it more than ever.

Indeed.

St Bart's Year ten
Rugby tour to Argentina.

[coins clink]

-Oh, I've got no change, sorry.
-Oh, that'll be fine.

-[smirks]
-Thank you.

What time is it?

Ten o'clock, sleepyhead.

No rush.

You only left an hour ago.

Fancied a cuddle.

It's all right, isn't it?

Eugh.

What's wrong? Nothing's wrong.

Got to do a bit of graft now
and again, haven't I?

When you know, you know.

Exactly.

It's sending me under, she's so clingy.

Every call-out this side of town,

so she can sneak a little fucking tamper.

-Put her out of her misery.
-[man] We'll take them all at once.

It's finding the right moment, innit?

Well, the longer you leave it,
the harder it gets.

Another drink might help.

Did 'em cheap,

that's the last 5,000
of Dessie's dodgy E's.

Remind me not to buy
even a paracetamol off that gimp.

If it's over, no talk about taking
a break, dragging it out,

make it clean and quick.

I'm doing it, I'm doing it.

She's going on about a rugby trip
to South America,

and St Marcy's haven't even got a gym.

Is it hot in here or is it just me?

You OK?

-That could be my legacy.
-"Legacy"?

Oh, you've not had bad news, have you?

I could rebuild the gym.

-Mimi!
-Oh, calm down.

-I'm changing.
-Changing? In what way?

Oh, you don't want to be a man, do you?

[sighs]

It's a woman-only issue.

Menopause early, but that doesn't matter.

I'm taking control of my life,
making a difference to others.

Watch me roar.

["Hallelujah" plays]

♪ You saw her bathing on the roof ♪

♪ Her beauty and the moonlight... ♪

Listen, er, we need to talk.

[gasps]

It's bad manners when your mouth's full.

Dessert is going to blow your mind.

[unzips]

Wilmslow's a bit far, though,
remember that wine bar?

Oh, yeah, full of divorcee losers
trying too hard.

No, I think it's mint.

Full of readies, fourbies,
Bentleys, Ferraris--

Yeah, driven by Wags
who'd struggle with a Clio.

Oh, here he is at it again.

Watch your bags, ladies,
tea-leaf in the area.

Serves him right, the fat fuck,

shouldn't leave his van open
while he goes off for a burger.

[chuckles]

What are they? Trackers.

It's like James Bond, innit?

Should use one on her in case
she's out noshing someone else.

[laughter]

Marry me?

What?

-Marry me!
-I can't.

Of course you can.

-It doesn't have to be a fancy wedding--
-I don't want to be with you anymore.

What do you mean?

It's over.

-What is?
-Us.

Why?

I'm sorry.

What?

Maybe you just need a break?

It'd be cruel to drag it out.

You didn't have the heart
to tell me earlier

because I'd gone to so much effort?

Don't you like fucking me?

All day.

It's not enough to sustain a relationship.

Said the pages of Cosmopolitan!

I still feel the same after.

Patronising prick.

Look, I've got...

got some stuff to sort.

It's probably best if you're gone
by the time I get back.

[sighs]

[kids chattering]

I'd be crying off sick every week
if I had to do PE in that dump.

Er, fuck the lardy
little uprights-in-need,

what about an overhaul
of my janitor-shithole?

Er, I'm talking about the health
of the future generation.

And I'm saying my room
hasn't had a lick of paint

since Tom Brown's ring-piece
was caressed by his master's slippers.

Frank, this matters!

Making a positive impact,

leaving something behind
that makes a difference.

Oh, moral compensation
for your other bequests?

Inflicting a bunch of psychopathic
villains on society?

I'll fucking inflict them on you
if you're not careful!

Don't even think about it.

I wasn't.

[people cheering]

St Marcy's gym was hanging
when I went there.

Doesn't mean you want
to rebuild it, though.

[indistinct conversations]

Why's Benny bringing students back here?

Possible gold mine, there's more around
Manchester than anywhere else.

You'll not get a sniff that pure
in Chipping Norton.

Treble up, it'll still blow
your bollocks off.

Bonus. Appreciate it.

You collecting off Coggsy tomorrow?

Big Mark's two weeks behind.

Take care of both, yeah?

With pleasure.

-[cheering]
-Fuck it!

-Oof.
-Who scored?

Short-arse, thatch-weave,
dumpy little fucking Mickey Mouser.

Oi! Rooney's my hero.

He'll be paying you 40 quid
to hang out of you next week.

He popped in once, but I was
a little bit too young for him.

None of you twats got a watch?

If a legacy matters so much, what's wrong
with a bench in Poundswick Park?

'Cause all the little scrotes will tag it
and burn it on Bonfire Night.

But I think a new gym's a great idea.

It's paying for it I'm struggling with.

All I'm suggesting is a donation
of a poxy grand each!

To get the ball rolling.

I'll raise the rest of the funds.

I'll chip in.

Yep, we will too.

Well, the kiddies will appreciate that.

Come on then, Cilla, Connor,
let's go and get your favourite DVD on.

-What are you doing?
-[Mimi] What's your favourite?

[Karen] You'd better brace yourself.

My mam started in her 40s,
went agoraphobic then ran away to sea.

No, I've checked it out.

Most women calm down
when the drugs kick in.

Oh, so this is all bollocks, then?

It's gonna be sweet, mate.

This gym thing is just a passing phase.

-Your grand's going nowhere.
-[Karen] So, how was Wilmslow?

Half a million for a bedsit
above a chippy?

Who'd want to live
in a stuck-up, two-faced,

wannabe shithole like that anyway?

[Mimi] 'Cause I want a smile off
a neighbour who's not afraid of me.

I want to talk to an old man
about the weather instead of him

scurrying past to get his
snout and his ale.

[Jamie] You know, they smoke
and drink there too, Mam.

[Shane] Yeah, only menthol cigs
and vintage champagne, though, eh?

Their shit don't smell either
and it's too far for business.

There's another reason
I've asked you for dinner.

Leaving a family in harmony
is as important as any physical legacy.

You two have drifted apart.

There's a way of working together,
appreciating each other more.

I'm retiring.

[applause]

[Mimi] These hands are to commemorate
the toil endured

to create the Mimi Tutton Academy
of Sports Science.

[applause]

[camera clicks]

[coins clink]

Couple of quid, Frank, St Marcy's gym?

Not while you look like a cunt.

There's nobody less likely to donate.

What's fancy dress actually about, eh?

"Nice one, cowboy." "Nice one, spaceman."

Some straight-going shithouse's
40th in the labour club,

then what for the rest of the night?

You're gonna have any kind of conversation
with a knobhead in a pirate hat?

So, that's a no, then?

Put me down for a pound
when I can look at you.

[Karen] Contacts, deals,
business already in place,

and we get to keep all the earnings.

Who'd have thought Mimi
could be so generous?

It's an opportunity to take things
in the directions we've always wanted to.

Or we're now subsidising
that scrawny baghead on our own.

-[Karen] He might step up?
-[Shane] Ah,

first day of the rest of our lives, eh?

Equal partner reporting for duty.

It'd be the first decent day's graft
you've done in a while.

[smirks]

How's St Mimi's gymnasium
coming along then?

How do you think?

Making mental decisions
when she's off her head on drugs?

Someone should have a quiet word
and tell her it's not worth it.

What about the mental decision
to give you two the business?

I take it you didn't grow a pair?

WPC Needy?

-I told her.
-Well, she's not got the message?

Lesson number one, mate.
Feds outside's bad for business!

[door opens]

Hello, stranger.

Beer taste flat 'cause you're missing me?

What are you playing at?

It feels nice to know you're nearby.

People are uncomfortable.

Locals feel safer when a bobby's visible.

Round here it's intimidation.

Is there someone else?

I wouldn't do that.

At least it would make sense.

Look, we're just... we're too different.

I know there's something else going on.

You're a policewoman for fuck's sake.

Family pressures can be stressful,
make you behave irrationally.

Shane! You've got stuff to do.

He never liked me.

Give him my love.

[engine revs]

[door closes]

[Mimi] Hiya. Have a good day!

Thank you, thank you.

Gives me the horrors, this place.
Bad juju, man.

Improving the facilities
might mean the kiddies

have a better experience than you.

Chesney's doing good, how's the Jockey?

Yeah, people are mad for it.

-Oh.
-[farts]

[laughs]

How much is that?

[fart-like noise]

[laughs again]

[coins clinking]

It might not happen as quick as we hoped.

It'll take longer than building
the Great Wall of China at this rate.

Nah, look after the pennies.

What's the point in building her hopes up?

Seriously?

Does this mean
we can have our grand back now?

Where's the Chatsworth Variety Table
when you need it?

Maybe I can be their
after dinner speaker, eh?

Yeah, like they want to listen
to stories about shovelling shit.

Well, is there a reason
we can't start one up?

Have a look, will you?

That lot are on the lookout
for handouts as it is.

[indistinct conversations]

Hey!

Hey, that's thingy. Selling the house.

More money for St Fart's polo ponies?

Nah, not quite, get on this.

She's donated 50 grand
to a donkey sanctuary in Ardwick.

It's not just Wilmslow
she does charity for.

If the kiddies of Chatsworth
have a state-of-the-art fitness centre,

they'll be able to work off
all those Mars bars

and chips their parents feed them
for dinner.

[chuckles]

They'll never have the opportunities
they have around here,

but they should be able
to play PE like anyone else.

And with your help,
we can make a difference.

-[applause]
-Thank you, Mimi.

A stirring presentation.

Mimi's get-up-and-go enthusiasm

could well become a regular feature
of our little gang.

She's thinking of making
an offer on my house.

Did you win the lottery?

As worthy a cause
as St Marcy's undoubtedly is,

one of the biggest issues is the number
of projects already in the planning.

-The gym will have to wait in line.
-Fair enough. Until when?

Concentrated focus, dinners, auctions,

none of that can be considered
before 2018.

Thank you, ladies.

Hot chocolate and ginger snaps.

I got you some vag cream
in case it's still itchy.

Jamie and Shane think I've lost the plot.

That's 'cause it's easier for them
to laugh than look in the mirror

and admit they're selfish fucks.

True,

78 quid to go with 3 grand
says to me they've got a point.

I'm not gonna see that new roof
go on in my lifetime.

Even if it's Cilla
that's got to cut the ribbon,

you've started something mega here.

The kids of Chatsworth
will owe you forever.

If we could bottle and sell your support,
we'd get there in no time.

I just wish there was more I could do.

I wanted to leave something good behind.

[Mimi sighs]

[kisses]

Saturday's rollover comes in,
I'll build her a whole new school.

Even better, the Mimi Maguire University
Of Chatsworth.

Yeah, get in with four F's
and get a caution for smoking weed?

[chuckles]

Robbing a bank's easier than the lottery.

Yeah, but it's not worth getting caught.

-Jail's easy, you pussy.
-Mimi's backhander isn't.

I'm juvenile anyway,
wouldn't have to go to jail.

Are you stupid?

Look, don't get too involved
with Butch and Sundance over there.

Robbing anything like that,
you're going down.

Eh, Pot Noodles are in aisle two, mate,
skins behind the counter.

[chuckles]

Still got some of them trackers?

Yeah, why?

-Stall this guy.
-Why?

Just stall him.

Eh, he's thinking of going
to uni, you know?

-Ah, which one?
-Er, looking for ideas.

[door closes]

Are you taking the piss?

Yeah, I know.

-Not lying, are you?
-No, I'm serious.

That's crazy, that.

Yo, it costs 30 grand
just to go to uni, you know?

Yeah? No wonder he needs a part-time job.

-Did you do it?
-Yeah, man. Sweet.

[car door closes]

[electric static]

Scouse Macka at two o'clock,
ten K of weed, Benchill Dave, four.

Three thousand E's.

[scribbles]

Or was it Scouse Macka at four
with three K of weed

and Benchill Dave at ten
with 2,000 diddlys?

Fuck!

How does anyone remember this shit?

[thud]

What the fuck?

That is not funny.

It was worth a try.

-Did you hear any of that?
-Like I'd say anything.

That's what turned me
on in the first place.

Look.

This is not helping your cause.

-So I have got one?
-No, you haven't!

Just forget about us, c'mon.

When Dad retired, handed the business
over to my brother, he went weird.

Strain on his marriage, readjustment.

But they worked it out, though.

It's fuck all to do with anything else.

Pressure and denial won't let you
access the truth right now.

-In time--
-Please, shut the fuck up.

I don't want to end up hating you, OK?

That can never happen.

So, go!

-That's definitely his car.
-[dog barking in distance]

There he is!

Bingo!

Jamie and Shane aren't gonna be happy
about this.

Fuck 'em!

They earn more than ever
'cause Mimi stepped down,

and now they take the piss out of her?

What if he goes to the police?

Oh, right, yeah!

[mimics] "Excuse me, Mr. Policeman,
somebody stole all of my cocaine."

Think about it, mate.

He might be connected?

Why are you so scared?
You're not even going in?

-'Cause they might come out?
-Ches, just chill out.

-Focus.
-Right, you ready?

Let's have it.

-[indistinct speech on TV]
-[knocks on door]

-Where's the gear?
-Oh, my god.

I don't know what you're talking about.

-[groans]
-[cocks gun]

-Ten! Nine!
-Leave me.

-Eight!
-He's behind the sofa!

I've got it.

-[laughs]
-[engine revs]

Quick, get in!

Go, go, go, go!

Whoa.

You have to admit
it's a bit of a coincidence.

You've had hundreds of punters
go through that door,

anyone could have set you up.

On the same day I buy another batch?

I've had ten years of satisfied customers.

You think I'm gonna jeopardise
my reputation for a fucking half key?

[Jamie] Wave bye-bye to that golden goose.

Got some front asking
for his money back, though, eh?

[Karen] Exactly.

What's it got to do with you
if he's been taxed?

If he even has.

Someone's had him over.
If not, he deserves an Oscar.

[paper rustles]

[man] Sweet that, cuz.

-What you doing?
-What?

Think it's turned
into a real one overnight?

Bad luck to fuck about with them.

Right, it's all there.

Nice one, cuz.

-See you later.
-Easy, bro.

-[door closes]
-Not bad for half an hour's work.

What? Ten grand's a fucking joke.

How else would you shift it?
No questions asked.

Bradford, where
it's never gonna get on top

from taxing your own family's punters.

[Billy] I find out you're having a drink
behind my back.

Trafford Centre for me.

New Air Max colours have just come out.

Wait, I risk life and limb for a oner?

I'd have done it for nowt.

Safe.

The rest is for Mimi. For the kiddies.

[siren wailing in distance]

[door opens]

[closes]

Just picked this up
from the golf club in Wilmslow.

If we're lucky, there'll be enough
to get another bag of cement.

At last!

£1.75 to go with the postal order
for 50 pence.

Look, feels heavy.

And you know there's readies round there.

Maybe our first pound coin.

What the fuck?

Ah, no way!

See.

[snooker shot]

What are you doing here?

Meeting Scouse Macka.

-In the Jockey?
-Two o'clock.

[sighs]

Might be stuck in traffic,
I'll give him a bell now, actually.

Wythenshawe Daz comes here,
Scouse Macka's Lymm Services.

What's that?

Up here! Names, dates, figures.

Numpties and dumb cunts
who write things down go to jail!

We can't all be Rain Man, can we?

Anyone could find that!

Yeah, so he's going to hang around
with ten key of weed in the fucking boot.

-It's gone straight to answer phone.
-[Jamie] Why wouldn't he?

As far as he's concerned, you're nicked.

That could be the feds setting him up.

[Karen] If he's at home,
he'll answer his land line.

Yeah. Mam's got that number, up there.

-[sighs]
-Things are getting slack.

Not now, Benny. It's easy for you to say.
I've got kids to feed.

You don't like it,
you know what you can do.

Oh, it's like that, is it?

You'll never guess how much is here.

Go on.

Nine thousand six hundred.

I said it, didn't I?

-You did.
-Generous as fuck.

Wait, how much?

Nine-six.

-What you doing?
-What?

Think it's turned
into a real one overnight?

-What you doing?
-What?

Think it's turned
into a real one overnight?

Women of Wilmslow, you fucking beauts.

[Mimi sighs]

This is all very lovely, Mimi,
and we appreciate your efforts.

But it won't make any difference.

St Marcy's still has to take its place
in the queue.

Except somebody decided

St Marcy's deserved a push
to the front of that queue.

Getting everyone together
is the only way, I know,

we can make sure our gratitude
falls on the right ears.

There's a feeling people with money
hold onto their readies

like a pit bull with a baby.

But deep down we're all the same.

Some cautious, some off-the-wall generous.

That anonymous donation

of nearly £10,000 is a massive boost.

Money attracts money
and the momentum is truly with us.

And, whoever it was,
the kiddies from our estate,

thank you from the bottom
of their potless little hearts.

And, as a token of our appreciation,

there's drinks and nibbles at our house.

-[laughter]
-Oh.

I struggle to believe
that one of our girls

put £10,000 into that bucket?

Ah, so do I.

Don't, you'll set me off again.

No.

Start you off or not,
you can't keep that money.

On about?

I've already ordered the felt
for the roof.

There's strict protocol.

It was a Wilmslow branch donation

and other projects
are further along the food chain,

been patient and waited their turn.

Like St Marcy's gym needs to.

Might take me a while to get used
to the twisted sense of humour

from round your way.

[sighs]

It may be convenient
to ignore our process,

but that is the way
we run our civilised little society, Mimi.

Mam! Mam!

We've left Scouse Macka
with ten kilo of weed...

in his boot.

Have you got his home phone number?

[siren wailing in distance]

[chuckles]

Excuse me a moment.

I don't do this anymore.

-This is the last time, I promise.
-[sighs]

151...

[taps numbers]

Me, me, me. Always the drama queen!

Ah, Mimi?

Mimi, can we continue our conversation?

Deeds speak louder than words, Edith.

That money is St Marcy's.

Extraordinary meeting
on the cards next week, ladies.

Seems like an unusual scenario
has just pushed its way

to the top of the agenda.

[soft music plays]

Right then.

Come along, ladies.

[dog barking in distance]

[door closes]

Mimi, what your son just mentioned.

It's been a long time
since my university days.

You know what I mean?

[sniffs]

Ah!

Party!

[all cheering] [all] Woo-hoo!

["Seven Day Weekend" plays]

[clicks lighter]

Go, go, go, go.

You can stamp all over that
and it'll still blow your bollocks off.

Best flake in Manchester.

[knocks on door]

We smashed it, bro!

What happened to your eye?

Nothing, and no one followed, it's sweet.

Right, get your cousin on the phone.

And we want a better price.

Well, it's not down to me.

You don't want to see your mates
get took advantage of, do you?

[thump]

I'll have a word.

Why am I the one running
all over the gaff?

Mam said we're equal partners, yeah?

The Jockey's our base.

People like continuity,
I've gotta stay here.

It's taken years to build up trust.

A word.

Backroom.

[soft music plays]

Wait here, mate.

That might need stitches.

-Look, somebody was bound to fight back.
-Yeah.

That's why we didn't bring you.

You know it's not worth it.

I won't feel a thing
when I see Mimi's happy face.

What's she gonna say about that?

I'll just give her some bullshit story.

Well, the student wasn't lying.

What happened?

Two customers taxed in a week.
Something's fucked up.

What are you looking at me for?

Loose lips sink ships, mate.

It's gotta be someone close to home.

Hey, listen, I don't know
what come over me earlier.

Hey, let me buy you all a drink,
smooth things over.

You rush in, and you're wrong?

Then you'll never find out
who it really is.

We need proof.

[laughter]

No way!

I bet that's illegal in Wilmslow.

I caught three of them plating
each other in the bathroom.

It's looking better.
Let the air get to it.

Do you think Edith's got any say
in me joining the club?

No. They vote.

And after last night's party,

you'll have Edith's chair
as well as her house.

She's a fucking cheeky bitch.

That 10k's St Marcy's.

If I can raise 13 grand so quick,

we'll build a gym, then a science block.

That big donation's just the start,
it's bound to attract others.

The momentum is with us.

-Fancy a cuppa tea, lad?
-Yeah.

Not as friendly as the Chatsworth.

Well, they will be once
you get to know them.

What are you actually gonna do
with your days?

I'll be building the gym.

That's not gonna take forever.

-I'll take classes.
-What, flower arranging?

Like that's going to get
your adrenaline pumping.

[smirks]

Tell me the Scouse Macka fiasco
was a one-off?

I wish I could.

So they're not grafting in harmony then?

You've seen Jamie and Shane
agree on anything?

Mutual dislike of Billy?

And Jamie's got his doubts about Benny.

That dopey labrador's more loyal
to the Maguires than his own family.

What's he worried about?

Somebody's taxing our punters.

-What do you mean?
-What I said.

That's never happened to us.

Could be somebody testing the new regime?

[siren wailing in distance]

[turns on]

[beeps]

[door opens]

-[door closes]
-[Chesney whistles]

Gosh, you're not in Cheshire yet.

Mapley Walk. Five minutes away.

I recognised the kid.
He's a absolute nugget.

Wears bigger glasses than Lillian.

-He could still be connected though.
-[Aidan] You sound like him.

-Haven't you learnt your lesson?
-I can't be late for this ball.

It's five minutes.

He'll be even easier than the student.
Mimi needs these funds, man.

[sighs]

-Come on.
-Yes!

[door closes]

-And that's stopping them, is it?
-No.

What am I supposed to do?

[Shane] Vinny the Red 076782--

Oh, God! What the fuck?

It's OK.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Are you fucking mental?

Whatever it takes to be with you.

Sell my soul and join the dark side.

Partner in life, partner in crime.

This...

can't carry on.

Now Mimi's left, I appreciate
you've got no choice.

You'll never go straight, but that's OK.

I'll leave the police,
you're all that matters.

Never, ever, ever contact me again, OK?

Destiny, my love.

Fuck off!

However long it takes, I'll be there.

-[door rattles]
-Where's the gear?

[door closes]

-Where is it?
-[cocks gun]

[guns cock]

[whimpers]

[wipers squeak]

Oh, fuck!

-What's happened?
-How do I know?

-Let's get out of here.
-No, go and see what's going on first.

You go and see!

[sobs] I don't know.

What is going on?

-[engine revs]
-Ches, tell me what's going on!

Let's just get out of here.

You have got to be fucking joking!

Billy?

Fucking hell, mate. I thought I was dead.

Never been a mate of mine.

[gasps]

Where's Benny?

Benny?

You?

Double crossing your own family?

Bring us to the brink of war?

Make me doubt those
that have been loyal for years?

-We're sorry.
-You will be.

With this bally on, I can put a bullet
between your fucking eyes, mate.

[whimpers]

How were we to know it was Billy, eh?

Now's probably not the best time
to make Mam a widow.

No, she'll get over it.

She's lost plenty close to her already.

Put it on.

-Jamie, please, I'm sorry.
-Put it on!

Shane, tell him!

Jamie, I'm begging you please.

She's already cuckoo.
This could proper send her under.

There's no way this little fucker's
leaving with just a black eye.

[sobs] No!

-Jamie, no!
-[both sob]

Jamie stop it!

[man whistles]

[people cheering]

No Billy?

Where's Jamie?

Shane?

Why, what's going on?

Billy's in trouble!

Stay here.

As if things aren't hard enough, eh?

Feds, customs.

Every day, something
to stop you earning a living

without one of your own shafting you
from behind.

-[cocks gun]
-[whines]

Please, Jamie.

-Paracetamol?
-Yeah, it's better than nothing.

Please. Think of Mimi.

Pushing you around in a wheelchair
will keep her fit!

Please. [sobs]

[door opens]

Jamie!

-Kneecapping my husband?
-As if?

It was shitting him up.

This better be good.

He's the one behind the taxing!

That's worse than being a grass.

It was for the gym.

The ten grand?

Where's the rest?

That's all his cousin would give.

[stammers] I've still got the last lot.

I'm sorry.

-It wasn't one of the girls?
-Fuck the gym!

What about this prick?

-Compensation?
-Why?

Laurel and Hardy here have done you
a fucking favour?

Snap you out of your complacency,
tighten up your security?

'Cause you're obviously not coping
too fucking well on your own!

Come on, Billy.

-Quiet!
-[whines]

I know your heart's in the right place,

and Jamie and Shane
have been disrespectful.

But taxing other grafters
is the lowest of the low.

I know. I'm on it.

And I know those Wilmslow dirty bitches
are a tight-fisted bunch of free-loaders,

but we've give two ton for these tickets,
so Mimi Tutton is going the ball.

[sighs]

[orchestra playing]

[indistinct conversations]

Hi.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Hi, hi.

Nice suit, Billy.

Now we're all here,

I'd like to say something more
about the recent flaunting of the rules.

Not now, surely?

No time like the present,
and I'm nothing if not efficient.

Excuse me.

Some interesting CCTV footage
has recently come to light.

The mystery donor in action.

[people jeering]

There was never any intention
of a kiddies' gym.

Chatsworth's Ma Baker

and her fashion-conscious toyboy

use anonymous donations
to wash dirty money.

That's not true.

Us gullible fools
are all part of the camouflage.

Mimi knew nothing about it.

Don't embarrass yourself further.

It was all my doing
'cause she cared so much.

She's been on the PTA for months.

Donated all her spare time to that school.

Laundering any illicit earnings
is unpalatable.

Drug money has the worst possible taste.

-[people nod]
-Absolutely.

Fancy a little line, Pru?

Mavis?

Oh, Beryl?

Gone all shy in front of your husband?

Oh, it was different the other night.

Yeah, drugs do bring out
the worst possible taste.

And you're all the worst
kind of hypocrites.

[chuckles]

Oh.

Ever seen Pru lick a fanny?

[people boo]

Or Beryl get her fanny licked?

And there's plenty more
where that came from.

And you know who you are.

-[laughs]
-C'mon, babe.

[Billy laughs again]

Fuck off!

[Mimi laughs]

[rain droplets chime]

[wipers squeak]

The only time, in history, a Maguire's
gone voluntarily to the odd lot.

[Karen] Can she even stay in the feds
with a restraining order against her?

[Shane] Well, she should have thought
of that

before she turned psycho-bitch,
shouldn't she?

Keep a distance of 102 feet.

I'm not sure you're worth it.

Piss off.

Get out of it, you fucking weirdo!

[indistinct conversations]

[Mimi] The grass is always greener
and all that.

Might not be as potent if your
hydroponics aren't up to much, though.

Try different flavours.

Dabble in a variety of lifestyles,
venture beyond new horizons,

add exotic squares
to your patchwork quilt of experience.

But not all of us are meant
to stray too far, or for too long.

Getting something built round here
should never be underestimated.

This has always been about the kiddies.

And the kiddies decided
how they wanted the money to be spent.

This is as vital to pupil morale
as any new gym.

In many ways more so.

And it is now, with great pleasure

that I pronounce
Mimi's Tuck Shop officially...

open!

[kids cheering]

[Mimi] When you return
to who you know, and what you know,

be sure no resentment lingers.

If people need you, love you,
want you around, feed off that.

It's a privilege in itself.

I'm looking for the janitor.

-Frank?
-Frank.

-Aye, that's him.
-There's a man with a gun!

-[school bell rings]
-[kid] There's a man with a gun!

[Ronnie] Everyone accounted for?

Thalia Blanco went to the toilet
just before the alarm went off.

-I haven't seen her since.
-You must be Frank.

[Esther] This mad bitch locked my daughter
in a cupboard with a fucking gunman!

-[Frank] Biddy?
-My name's Baxter!

You've been pumping my missus, Frank!

-He's never done this before.
-[woman] Get out the way!

-Monica?
-I'm the mother!

-[man] Clear shot, ma'am.
-Take it.

-Shit!
-[gunshot]

[laughter]

Dickheads!