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1
00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:07,781
Look at me, right?
2
00:00:07,861 --> 00:00:09,541
And look at the Queen.
3
00:00:09,621 --> 00:00:14,181
I was never a fan until it occurred to me
how much me and Ma'am have in common.
4
00:00:14,261 --> 00:00:16,701
Bringing up kiddies
you can't remember the names of.
5
00:00:16,780 --> 00:00:20,181
I know she's not a single parent,
but she might as well be.
6
00:00:20,261 --> 00:00:23,101
Plus, the pair of us, we've stuck
to our guns,
7
00:00:23,181 --> 00:00:26,820
her literally sometimes,
and flagshipped a dying breed.
8
00:00:26,901 --> 00:00:29,221
Admired and despised equally.
9
00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:34,781
Not for never lifting a finger, no,
for setting examples through extremity.
10
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:37,381
And whether you're a bigwig
on her end or a bigwig on mine,
11
00:00:37,461 --> 00:00:39,540
you've still got all your dickheads
in the middle to deal with,
12
00:00:39,621 --> 00:00:41,381
snip, snip, snipping at your benefits.
13
00:00:41,461 --> 00:00:44,220
I mean, she can't not be
looking at me and thinking,
14
00:00:44,301 --> 00:00:46,061
"What's your secret, Frank?"
15
00:00:46,141 --> 00:00:49,181
I got shot of my kids yonks back,
16
00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:51,301
whereas she's yet to see
the back of a single one.
17
00:00:51,381 --> 00:00:52,421
Fine!
18
00:00:52,501 --> 00:00:54,781
I've had to get out of bed on occasion
to make ends meet,
19
00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:57,981
whereas she, she's done
the whole thing from a chair.
20
00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:01,540
Oh, and a drink for the lady.
21
00:01:01,620 --> 00:01:02,900
Oh, sure, there's perks.
22
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,140
But, look at her lot.
23
00:01:04,221 --> 00:01:06,861
Brian May prancing about on her roof.
24
00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:09,101
Now, look at my lot,
25
00:01:09,181 --> 00:01:13,181
we know how to throw
a proper fucking pa-a-rty!
26
00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:19,261
[applause]
27
00:01:22,221 --> 00:01:24,261
["It's Only Make Believe" plays]
28
00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:28,581
[Patreesha] It's not easy having talent.
29
00:01:28,661 --> 00:01:31,700
I don't mean some dolly bird
dancing away on the telly
30
00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:33,741
with a bleedin' Border Collie.
31
00:01:33,821 --> 00:01:37,541
I mean real, proper talent.
32
00:01:41,621 --> 00:01:43,901
Talent alone's not enough.
33
00:01:43,981 --> 00:01:46,261
It's what you do with it that counts.
34
00:01:47,981 --> 00:01:50,341
Take Mikey Wilson.
35
00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:52,821
For a while he was Chatsworth's
next big thing.
36
00:01:52,901 --> 00:01:59,021
Oldham, City, even old whiskey-nose
at United was said to be impressed.
37
00:02:03,940 --> 00:02:06,060
But less impressed
by the arrest for drink-driving
38
00:02:06,140 --> 00:02:08,100
and the gram of coke in the glove box.
39
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:16,301
Goodbye, Theatre of Dreams.
40
00:02:16,380 --> 00:02:18,341
["It's Only Make Believe" continues]
41
00:02:23,501 --> 00:02:26,260
[cheering]
42
00:02:26,341 --> 00:02:31,181
Or then there's Gillian Cassidy,
the estate's own Meryl Streep.
43
00:02:31,260 --> 00:02:33,061
You might remember her from Corrie.
44
00:02:33,141 --> 00:02:38,341
She played "Girl that Dave Smiles
at in the Rovers" back in 2009.
45
00:02:40,581 --> 00:02:43,861
Sadly, Hollywood didn't come a-knocking.
46
00:02:44,861 --> 00:02:48,181
Still gets to put those acting talents
to good use, though.
47
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,221
And then there's me.
48
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:04,061
Tony Wilson said I had something,
49
00:03:04,141 --> 00:03:05,820
God bless him.
50
00:03:05,901 --> 00:03:07,901
Everyone said it was going to happen.
51
00:03:09,581 --> 00:03:10,861
Everybody was wrong.
52
00:03:13,221 --> 00:03:14,301
It's not too late though.
53
00:03:15,461 --> 00:03:17,100
But that clock's a-ticking.
54
00:03:18,980 --> 00:03:21,901
Just need somebody to notice me,
55
00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:26,021
because if nobody does, if nobody cares,
56
00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:27,100
what's the point?
57
00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,501
What? I can't hear ya!
58
00:03:30,581 --> 00:03:32,301
It's this bloody noise!
59
00:03:34,461 --> 00:03:35,461
Shit.
60
00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:36,661
[applauds]
61
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:47,980
A fucking jazz club?
62
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,820
Can we at least pretend
we're sophisticated?
63
00:03:50,901 --> 00:03:52,540
You didn't mind in the Jockey.
64
00:03:52,621 --> 00:03:54,700
This isn't the Jockey.
65
00:03:54,781 --> 00:03:56,501
I thought that was just
a line for the fellas.
66
00:03:56,581 --> 00:03:59,181
I didn't realise we were actually going
to a fucking jazz club.
67
00:03:59,260 --> 00:04:02,860
Aw, she's just not wanting to show herself
up in front of her man.
68
00:04:02,941 --> 00:04:05,301
He's married. I'm married.
69
00:04:05,380 --> 00:04:07,501
He's just helping us with our singing.
70
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,021
Well, Bernard's not really--
71
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,901
-What?
-Around much.
72
00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:12,140
[man trumpeting]
73
00:04:12,221 --> 00:04:13,980
Is that him?
74
00:04:14,061 --> 00:04:15,980
-Ooh, arse like a peach!
-No.
75
00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:17,901
He's that one...
76
00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:19,980
there.
77
00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:24,500
Oh. Nice one. Yeah.
78
00:04:24,581 --> 00:04:27,901
Whoo! Get in there!
79
00:04:27,981 --> 00:04:31,981
[mimics] "Can we at least try
and pretend to be sophisticated?"
80
00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:33,620
-[laughter]
-[applauds]
81
00:04:45,341 --> 00:04:46,500
Hey!
82
00:04:47,781 --> 00:04:49,581
-Same again?
-Y'all right?
83
00:04:49,661 --> 00:04:51,821
Best behaviour, all of you.
I'm warning you.
84
00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:55,101
Louis, these are my friends.
85
00:04:55,180 --> 00:04:56,500
This is Louis.
86
00:04:56,581 --> 00:04:58,060
-You were very good.
-Yeah.
87
00:04:58,141 --> 00:05:00,541
Up there, blowin' on your big trombone.
88
00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:03,101
-Trumpet.
-Well, I didn't know you were coming.
89
00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:05,861
If I had, I'd have hauled you up on stage
for a song.
90
00:05:05,940 --> 00:05:07,221
I wouldn't want to embarrass myself.
91
00:05:07,301 --> 00:05:09,221
She's very shy and retiring.
92
00:05:09,301 --> 00:05:10,781
Yeah, we have these karaoke nights
93
00:05:10,861 --> 00:05:13,301
and we practically have to force her
to do a number.
94
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:14,620
[chuckles]
95
00:05:14,701 --> 00:05:17,981
Well, with a bit of luck,
the days of karaoke might be over.
96
00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:20,060
We're still batting things back and forth
97
00:05:20,141 --> 00:05:23,421
but I've spoken to my producer friend
in Baton Rouge.
98
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:25,821
-I think we're on for a visit.
-No way?
99
00:05:25,901 --> 00:05:29,221
So, our Patreesha is gonna be a star then?
100
00:05:29,301 --> 00:05:30,740
Er, being honest,
101
00:05:30,821 --> 00:05:34,821
a big singer with hit albums
and sold-out tours, maybe not.
102
00:05:35,981 --> 00:05:40,981
But a real singer with a real career,
103
00:05:41,060 --> 00:05:44,500
I think with a bit of luck and effort,
104
00:05:44,581 --> 00:05:47,301
yeah, that could happen.
105
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:50,701
I will drink to that.
106
00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:53,620
-To Pat!
-To Pat!
107
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:55,021
[glasses clinking]
108
00:05:57,541 --> 00:05:59,261
Eh, someone's in trouble!
109
00:06:05,341 --> 00:06:08,940
-So, what's happening now?
-Right.
110
00:06:09,021 --> 00:06:13,021
I'm gonna look into a few hotels,
draw up a schedule,
111
00:06:13,101 --> 00:06:17,380
and obviously we're gonna have to talk
about the financial side of things.
112
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,221
I meant...
113
00:06:20,301 --> 00:06:21,421
now-now.
114
00:06:27,141 --> 00:06:29,141
Pat. Sorry. No, it's my fault.
115
00:06:30,341 --> 00:06:34,060
Look, it's obvious
that I'm very, very fond you, but--
116
00:06:34,141 --> 00:06:35,701
I know, you're married.
117
00:06:37,581 --> 00:06:39,820
My wife spends most of the time away.
118
00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:41,701
I mean, we're further apart
than strangers.
119
00:06:41,781 --> 00:06:43,261
It's barely a marriage at all.
120
00:06:44,341 --> 00:06:48,060
No, no, no, this is about you, Pat.
121
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:50,981
It's your big chance, kid,
122
00:06:52,461 --> 00:06:55,820
and I don't want to screw things up
by mixing business with...
123
00:06:58,301 --> 00:06:59,421
Still...
124
00:07:00,861 --> 00:07:02,661
as the expression goes
125
00:07:02,740 --> 00:07:05,180
"What happens in Baton Rouge".
126
00:07:14,421 --> 00:07:18,141
We've got enough mouths to feed
without involving the feline world.
127
00:07:18,221 --> 00:07:20,661
-[whining]
-But Princess has got no home.
128
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:22,060
Dad, please!
129
00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:23,661
Lesson in life, kiddo.
130
00:07:23,740 --> 00:07:25,500
Never rely on the kindness of strangers.
131
00:07:25,581 --> 00:07:27,820
Plus, Princess has got a penis,
132
00:07:27,901 --> 00:07:29,981
so technically, if he's gonna be a royal,
133
00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:32,500
he's a prince, or a duke at least.
134
00:07:32,581 --> 00:07:33,740
[whines, meows]
135
00:07:41,541 --> 00:07:42,781
What are you doing?
136
00:07:42,861 --> 00:07:45,461
-Nothing.
-Oh, yeah?
137
00:07:45,541 --> 00:07:47,901
I need them for school.
All the lads are doing it.
138
00:07:47,981 --> 00:07:50,341
Right, you get tatters deep in some woman,
139
00:07:50,421 --> 00:07:53,701
then you bring her panties in
and everyone has a sniff of 'em.
140
00:07:53,781 --> 00:07:55,740
Why didn't you just nick one
of your mam's?
141
00:07:55,820 --> 00:07:57,180
You are sick!
142
00:07:58,820 --> 00:08:00,341
And don't tell me mam either.
143
00:08:07,380 --> 00:08:08,781
Fuck you playing at?
144
00:08:08,861 --> 00:08:10,740
I'm just returning your property.
145
00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:13,021
[chuckles] It's a funny story actually.
146
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:14,581
Put my pants down.
147
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,380
Next month?
148
00:08:24,461 --> 00:08:25,581
Tickets are all booked.
149
00:08:25,661 --> 00:08:27,541
Never been to America.
150
00:08:27,620 --> 00:08:29,141
Louis goes all the time.
151
00:08:29,221 --> 00:08:32,700
God, it's really happening, isn't it?
152
00:08:32,781 --> 00:08:33,980
Just don't forget us little people
153
00:08:34,060 --> 00:08:35,861
when you're swanning round
in your private jet.
154
00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:37,661
Not gonna be like that.
155
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:40,980
That's my 18th sorted.
156
00:08:41,060 --> 00:08:42,861
-Stev said I can have it at his.
-Stev?
157
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:45,980
Do you think his parents are fine
with him throwing some big party?
158
00:08:46,061 --> 00:08:48,381
Nah, he doesn't live with his parents.
He squats.
159
00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:53,261
Let's take this through to the bedroom.
160
00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:01,661
Do you know what would be even better?
161
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:05,261
-Big party at the Jockey.
-Nah, I'd rather have a car.
162
00:09:05,340 --> 00:09:06,980
Impress all your friends.
163
00:09:07,061 --> 00:09:09,460
Eighteen years old,
already a regular in a pub,
164
00:09:09,541 --> 00:09:10,701
everybody knows your name.
165
00:09:10,781 --> 00:09:12,980
-Dead impressive, that.
-We could have champagne.
166
00:09:13,061 --> 00:09:15,421
-A free bar!
-Just leave it with us, love.
167
00:09:15,501 --> 00:09:16,460
Within budget.
168
00:09:16,541 --> 00:09:18,381
[doorbell rings]
169
00:09:18,460 --> 00:09:19,621
Shit, that's Louis.
170
00:09:19,701 --> 00:09:20,901
I've not finished putting my face on.
171
00:09:20,980 --> 00:09:22,460
Just about the career then?
172
00:09:22,541 --> 00:09:24,301
Shut it.
173
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:36,541
♪ Another bride, another June ♪
174
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:43,741
♪ Another sunny honeymoon ♪
175
00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:51,381
♪ Another season, another reason ♪
176
00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:55,421
♪ For makin' whoopee ♪
177
00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:04,541
♪ A lot of shoes, a lot of rice ♪
178
00:10:04,621 --> 00:10:08,141
♪ The groom is nervous ♪
179
00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:11,901
♪ He answers twice ♪
180
00:10:11,980 --> 00:10:15,821
♪ It's really killing ♪
181
00:10:15,901 --> 00:10:19,181
♪ That he's so willin' ♪
182
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:26,860
♪ To make whoopee ♪
183
00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:32,661
How have you remained
a secret all this time, Pat?
184
00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:35,061
That was a little bit off in the chorus.
185
00:10:35,141 --> 00:10:38,581
Never be afraid to aim for notes
that are out of your range.
186
00:10:38,661 --> 00:10:40,781
They are words to live by.
187
00:10:40,860 --> 00:10:42,661
-Do you think I could, er--
-Just that way.
188
00:10:45,541 --> 00:10:46,821
[sighs]
189
00:10:49,741 --> 00:10:51,220
I was totally flat, wasn't I?
190
00:10:51,301 --> 00:10:53,100
You're going places, our kid.
191
00:10:54,980 --> 00:10:56,021
[sighs]
192
00:10:58,661 --> 00:11:00,621
[rock music plays]
193
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:06,340
-You're barred.
-What?
194
00:11:07,740 --> 00:11:10,460
-[sniffs]
-Oh, that?
195
00:11:10,541 --> 00:11:12,261
Minor misunderstanding.
196
00:11:12,340 --> 00:11:14,421
You stole me mam's knickers off the line.
197
00:11:14,501 --> 00:11:17,301
That's pretty major in my book
and you've not apologised yet.
198
00:11:17,381 --> 00:11:21,301
Yes, well, of course, in the shadowy world
of underwear thieves,
199
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:25,740
your mother's unmentionables
have long been considered the Holy Grail.
200
00:11:25,821 --> 00:11:28,220
-[groans]
-[laughter]
201
00:11:28,301 --> 00:11:30,460
[Jamie] B-A-R-R-E-D.
202
00:11:30,541 --> 00:11:31,581
Barred!
203
00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:42,261
[sniffs]
204
00:11:42,340 --> 00:11:43,381
[gasps]
205
00:11:59,141 --> 00:12:01,340
♪ All of me ♪
206
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:04,821
♪ Why not take all of me ♪
207
00:12:04,901 --> 00:12:06,421
[distorted] ♪ Can't you see ♪
208
00:12:06,501 --> 00:12:09,141
♪ I'm no good without you ♪
209
00:12:09,220 --> 00:12:10,901
Come on, come on, Pat! Come on!
210
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,740
♪ I want to lose them ♪
211
00:12:13,821 --> 00:12:15,541
♪ Take my arms-- ♪
212
00:12:16,781 --> 00:12:18,340
-[thud]
-[gasps]
213
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:29,181
-Louis!
-Jesus.
214
00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:32,301
[Patreesha] Shit! Call an ambulance!
215
00:12:32,381 --> 00:12:34,021
Fuck! My phone! Where's yours?
216
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:36,301
[Patreesha] Fuck, fuck, fuck!
217
00:12:37,541 --> 00:12:39,740
OK, um, Louis?
218
00:12:40,781 --> 00:12:42,061
What is it?
219
00:12:42,141 --> 00:12:43,501
Pills?
220
00:12:43,581 --> 00:12:44,941
You've got pills in there?
221
00:12:47,620 --> 00:12:48,661
Louis!
222
00:12:50,541 --> 00:12:52,460
No, no. Come on, love.
223
00:12:53,980 --> 00:12:55,740
-Stay out of the light!
-Pat.
224
00:12:55,821 --> 00:12:57,301
-Come on!
-Pat!
225
00:13:02,301 --> 00:13:03,781
-Bloody hell.
-[gasps]
226
00:13:10,021 --> 00:13:12,100
It's gotta be dodgy.
227
00:13:12,181 --> 00:13:14,421
Nobody carries this much cash
around with them.
228
00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:16,381
He's dead.
229
00:13:16,460 --> 00:13:18,901
[siren wailing in distance]
230
00:13:18,980 --> 00:13:22,220
Look, I know you cared about him. A lot.
231
00:13:23,340 --> 00:13:26,501
Just died, right here in my living room.
232
00:13:26,581 --> 00:13:28,821
Pat, what are we gonna do about the money?
233
00:13:28,901 --> 00:13:31,141
Why not take his shoes while you're at it?
234
00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:32,781
Might get a couple of quid
for them down at the market.
235
00:13:32,860 --> 00:13:34,860
I'm thinking about you.
236
00:13:34,941 --> 00:13:37,220
Baton Rouge. America.
237
00:13:37,301 --> 00:13:38,860
Producer.
238
00:13:38,941 --> 00:13:41,061
All that takes money.
239
00:13:41,141 --> 00:13:42,301
[doorbell rings]
240
00:13:42,381 --> 00:13:43,901
[man] Hello? Paramedics.
241
00:13:43,980 --> 00:13:45,460
Can you open the door, please?
242
00:13:57,460 --> 00:13:59,021
Stand back, please.
243
00:14:00,581 --> 00:14:01,701
Is he breathing?
244
00:14:05,620 --> 00:14:07,220
Airway's clear, but he's non-responsive.
245
00:14:07,301 --> 00:14:08,860
No output.
246
00:14:08,941 --> 00:14:10,381
[knocks on door]
247
00:14:12,261 --> 00:14:15,100
I've just been banned from the Jockey.
And you want to know why?
248
00:14:15,181 --> 00:14:17,901
They're saying that I nicked
Mimi Maguire's underwear
249
00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:19,541
for the purposes of...
250
00:14:21,141 --> 00:14:23,061
of personal gratification.
251
00:14:23,141 --> 00:14:26,261
-I'm not gonna judge you, Frank.
-Because it wasn't me!
252
00:14:29,860 --> 00:14:31,541
Tell her.
253
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:32,701
Tell her!
254
00:14:32,781 --> 00:14:34,261
Tell her that you stole
the witch's underwear
255
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,421
so you could take it to school
and sniff it!
256
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:37,860
I don't know what he's talking about.
257
00:14:40,220 --> 00:14:42,181
Jesus, that's low, Frank, even for you.
258
00:14:42,261 --> 00:14:44,261
Me? I'm the innocent party!
259
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,021
Hello?
260
00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:57,941
It's me, it's only me,
261
00:14:58,021 --> 00:15:02,701
just your friendly neighbourhood person.
262
00:15:02,781 --> 00:15:06,141
I'm just here to discuss
the misunderstanding.
263
00:15:09,781 --> 00:15:10,781
Hello?
264
00:15:21,860 --> 00:15:23,021
-[splash]
-Oh, fucking hell.
265
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:24,340
[gasps]
266
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:34,421
So...
267
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,541
also a funny story.
268
00:15:36,620 --> 00:15:38,781
You fucking pervert!
269
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,541
The lock's been forced.
270
00:15:53,261 --> 00:15:55,141
Wait, is that what your look meant?
271
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:57,220
Because my look was all,
"Let's get out of here, right now."
272
00:15:57,301 --> 00:15:59,021
We'll be in and out in five minutes.
273
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:00,620
[siren wailing in distance]
274
00:16:12,541 --> 00:16:13,860
You sure he's got a wife?
275
00:16:13,941 --> 00:16:15,061
Of course he's got a wife.
276
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:17,421
-Why would he have lied about that?
-I don't know.
277
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:21,740
Just seems a bit bachelor-esque.
278
00:16:21,821 --> 00:16:22,941
Magic.
279
00:16:23,021 --> 00:16:25,021
Let's break in and critique the decor.
280
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:26,061
Fine!
281
00:16:26,141 --> 00:16:31,661
Just see if he's got any contact lists,
laptop, rolodex, whatever.
282
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,500
Proper little Miss Marple, aren't you?
283
00:16:42,421 --> 00:16:43,460
[paper rustles]
284
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,141
That's the problem with nosing about.
285
00:16:48,980 --> 00:16:50,980
You look hard and long enough,
286
00:16:51,061 --> 00:16:54,500
you're bound to turn up
something you wish you hadn't.
287
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:58,181
So says Mr. Darren bloody Smith.
288
00:16:58,261 --> 00:17:00,581
Louis works much better as a stage name.
289
00:17:03,421 --> 00:17:05,061
Travel to America all the time, did you?
290
00:17:06,701 --> 00:17:08,380
Doesn't look great, does it?
291
00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:10,981
No.
292
00:17:11,061 --> 00:17:12,100
[sniffs]
293
00:17:13,420 --> 00:17:15,741
You were special to me, you know.
294
00:17:18,061 --> 00:17:21,301
What is it exactly
that you don't trust, Pat?
295
00:17:21,380 --> 00:17:24,981
My intentions or your own talent?
296
00:17:27,581 --> 00:17:30,341
-Any luck?
-Yeah. Great.
297
00:17:30,420 --> 00:17:31,821
Got all the details.
298
00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:33,741
Baton Rouge, here you come.
299
00:18:08,461 --> 00:18:09,940
[siren wailing in distance]
300
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,381
That's my wash on.
301
00:18:23,461 --> 00:18:24,541
I'll put it out later.
302
00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:26,700
You all right, Mum?
303
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:28,900
Wonderful, love.
304
00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:33,581
[cell phone ringing]
305
00:18:43,940 --> 00:18:46,221
-Hello?
-[man] Avril?
306
00:18:46,301 --> 00:18:49,461
No. This is her phone. I'm her sister.
307
00:18:49,541 --> 00:18:50,541
Ah.
308
00:18:50,621 --> 00:18:52,660
Just to let you know
that I've spoken to the owners
309
00:18:52,741 --> 00:18:56,180
and we're all set, so if you can just
drop the cash deposit off at the office,
310
00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:59,741
we'll get the paperwork signed
and the flat's all hers.
311
00:18:59,821 --> 00:19:03,180
-Fantastic. Thanks.
-Bye now.
312
00:19:03,261 --> 00:19:04,301
[cuts line]
313
00:19:06,821 --> 00:19:08,221
I can't believe she'd do this to me.
314
00:19:09,301 --> 00:19:12,461
Pound signs spinning in her eyes
the moment she saw that money,
315
00:19:12,541 --> 00:19:14,101
a chance to get away from you.
316
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:16,341
[sighs]
317
00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:18,621
Mary-Mae only visits when she wants to.
318
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:19,741
And as for Bernard.
319
00:19:20,741 --> 00:19:23,061
Well, we all know about your husband.
320
00:19:26,741 --> 00:19:28,180
But your sister...
321
00:19:30,180 --> 00:19:33,221
Tch, tch, tch, that's a knife in the back.
322
00:19:34,501 --> 00:19:36,940
A wound that runs deep.
323
00:19:37,021 --> 00:19:39,261
Everybody thinks I'm a fucking mug.
324
00:19:43,981 --> 00:19:44,981
I didn't.
325
00:19:46,781 --> 00:19:47,781
I don't know that anymore.
326
00:19:49,141 --> 00:19:50,900
I don't know anything.
327
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,341
You deserve that money.
328
00:19:54,420 --> 00:19:57,261
You deserve it for all them bastards
that have used you,
329
00:19:57,341 --> 00:19:58,660
cast you aside.
330
00:19:59,821 --> 00:20:02,381
You deserve all of it.
331
00:20:02,461 --> 00:20:04,981
Every last penny.
332
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:11,261
This is your time.
333
00:20:17,981 --> 00:20:20,581
Oh, ta, kid.
Good to know you're on my side.
334
00:20:20,660 --> 00:20:21,900
Two quid.
335
00:20:23,101 --> 00:20:24,660
What?
336
00:20:24,741 --> 00:20:28,061
Oh! OK, there you go.
337
00:20:28,141 --> 00:20:31,341
There you go. Keep the change.
Buy yourself something nice.
338
00:20:31,420 --> 00:20:33,341
Two quid.
339
00:20:33,420 --> 00:20:35,301
You sent away Princess.
340
00:20:35,381 --> 00:20:37,621
Everyone is right. You're a bad man.
341
00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:39,541
Pfft. Everyone? Everyone!
342
00:20:39,621 --> 00:20:42,861
We're talking a small,
narrow-minded minority here.
343
00:20:42,940 --> 00:20:44,101
[glass shatters]
344
00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:58,381
Ah, fuck.
345
00:21:04,781 --> 00:21:06,301
[door rattles]
346
00:21:06,381 --> 00:21:07,621
[exhales]
347
00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:11,541
I came home, they'd got in somehow.
348
00:21:12,581 --> 00:21:15,420
They must have been looking for the money.
Look at this mess.
349
00:21:15,501 --> 00:21:17,981
-Jesus.
-Yeah.
350
00:21:20,221 --> 00:21:21,621
Luckily I had the money on me.
351
00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:24,061
I don't feel safe anymore.
352
00:21:24,141 --> 00:21:25,581
We need to get out of here.
353
00:21:31,621 --> 00:21:33,940
It's only for a few days.
It won't be that bad.
354
00:21:34,021 --> 00:21:36,021
Have you ever lived with my mum?
355
00:21:36,101 --> 00:21:38,381
-She's mental.
-She's all right.
356
00:21:38,461 --> 00:21:39,501
And I did it for you.
357
00:21:39,581 --> 00:21:40,621
Thought you'd be happy. Oh, yeah.
358
00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:42,501
Stuck in a pokey little flat
with two of them.
359
00:21:42,581 --> 00:21:44,180
Yeah, best news ever.
360
00:21:47,341 --> 00:21:49,940
Who do you think it is
that's after the cash?
361
00:21:50,021 --> 00:21:51,420
Dunno.
362
00:21:51,501 --> 00:21:54,061
Loan sharks, Moss Side drug dealers.
363
00:21:55,101 --> 00:21:57,981
Whoever it is,
they obviously want their money back.
364
00:21:59,981 --> 00:22:01,981
Maybe we should never have taken the cash
in the first place.
365
00:22:02,981 --> 00:22:04,301
It's a bit late for that now.
366
00:22:05,621 --> 00:22:08,501
You never did tell me
what you intend to do with your share.
367
00:22:08,581 --> 00:22:09,660
Haven't really thought about it.
368
00:22:12,261 --> 00:22:14,541
Twenty five grand though,
369
00:22:14,621 --> 00:22:17,501
that'd be enough to, I dunno,
370
00:22:17,581 --> 00:22:19,341
put down a deposit on a new place.
371
00:22:19,420 --> 00:22:22,541
Like I said, haven't really thought
that far ahead.
372
00:22:23,460 --> 00:22:24,900
When were you gonna tell me?
373
00:22:24,981 --> 00:22:28,460
I mean, am I really that much of a burden
374
00:22:28,541 --> 00:22:30,700
that you'd keep pushing
and shoving me off to America?
375
00:22:30,781 --> 00:22:34,741
Same time you're plotting a way
to move out without even a word.
376
00:22:34,821 --> 00:22:37,061
Maybe if you weren't such a fucking victim
all the time,
377
00:22:37,141 --> 00:22:38,101
I wouldn't have to.
378
00:22:38,180 --> 00:22:39,900
'Course. It's all my fault.
379
00:22:39,981 --> 00:22:42,660
No, no, actually.
380
00:22:42,741 --> 00:22:44,741
It's everybody else's.
381
00:22:44,821 --> 00:22:47,541
It's Bernard's fault you
were too blind to the fact
382
00:22:47,621 --> 00:22:49,341
that he's as bent as a Curly Wurly.
383
00:22:49,420 --> 00:22:53,900
It'll be Louis' fault that your career
will never amount to anything,
384
00:22:53,981 --> 00:22:56,341
and it'll be my fault
that you're all on your own
385
00:22:56,420 --> 00:22:58,021
with no one to complain to!
386
00:22:58,101 --> 00:22:59,981
Right!
387
00:23:00,061 --> 00:23:03,301
This one is definitely my fault then!
388
00:23:05,741 --> 00:23:06,981
Where are you going?
389
00:23:09,541 --> 00:23:10,541
Pat!
390
00:23:12,900 --> 00:23:16,221
This is all you fucking care about.
391
00:23:16,301 --> 00:23:17,900
[Mary-Mae] Mum, what you doing?
392
00:23:19,221 --> 00:23:20,420
Don't! No!
393
00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:23,861
Fuck!
394
00:23:24,900 --> 00:23:27,381
[Chesney] Like I said, won't be that bad.
395
00:23:37,381 --> 00:23:40,061
-So you stole the money?
-No.
396
00:23:40,141 --> 00:23:41,541
We were just holding on to it until...
397
00:23:43,700 --> 00:23:45,981
Yeah, we stole it.
398
00:23:46,061 --> 00:23:47,501
Maybe she was trying to protect you.
399
00:23:47,581 --> 00:23:48,741
Burn the evidence.
400
00:23:48,821 --> 00:23:52,021
No, she's doing what she always does.
401
00:23:52,101 --> 00:23:55,180
Making sure the whole fucking world
revolves around her.
402
00:23:55,261 --> 00:23:57,101
[dog barking in distance]
403
00:23:57,180 --> 00:23:59,621
[Chesney] Oh, she burnt £50,000!
404
00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:00,940
Wow.
405
00:24:09,460 --> 00:24:11,501
-Where's the bag?
-She binned it.
406
00:24:11,581 --> 00:24:12,741
Fuck's sake!
407
00:24:25,700 --> 00:24:26,660
[sighs]
408
00:24:26,741 --> 00:24:27,700
[vase shatters]
409
00:24:27,781 --> 00:24:31,700
[Louis] You deserve that money.
You deserve all of it.
410
00:24:32,821 --> 00:24:34,821
She's fucking set me up!
411
00:24:34,900 --> 00:24:36,221
I told you she were mental.
412
00:24:36,301 --> 00:24:39,021
The break-in, the danger.
413
00:24:39,101 --> 00:24:42,700
It's all distractions
so she can take every penny for herself.
414
00:24:42,781 --> 00:24:43,861
Don't you get it?
415
00:24:45,061 --> 00:24:47,821
I can honestly say
I've no idea what's going on.
416
00:24:47,900 --> 00:24:49,301
Wait.
417
00:24:49,381 --> 00:24:50,581
Does this mean that
418
00:24:50,660 --> 00:24:52,261
you'll be staying with us
or you're moving out?
419
00:24:52,341 --> 00:24:56,141
Give me one day, Ches,
and you won't see me for dust.
420
00:24:56,221 --> 00:24:57,781
[rock music plays]
421
00:25:03,741 --> 00:25:04,781
Nice car.
422
00:25:05,861 --> 00:25:07,301
Yeah.
423
00:25:07,381 --> 00:25:08,460
It's my cousin's.
424
00:25:08,541 --> 00:25:10,381
Looks like I'm having the party
at the Jockey.
425
00:25:10,460 --> 00:25:11,460
[Stev] Sweet.
426
00:25:11,541 --> 00:25:14,420
Just, uh, just text us the details, yeah?
427
00:25:14,501 --> 00:25:15,861
Don't need to, you're right here.
428
00:25:15,940 --> 00:25:17,700
[moans]
429
00:25:20,381 --> 00:25:21,381
What the hell?
430
00:25:22,581 --> 00:25:23,741
You arsehole.
431
00:25:23,821 --> 00:25:25,021
It's not what it looks like!
432
00:25:25,101 --> 00:25:26,541
[Princess meows]
433
00:25:26,621 --> 00:25:28,381
It's only a blowjob.
434
00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:29,381
She's my cousin.
435
00:25:29,460 --> 00:25:30,900
It's not like it counts!
436
00:25:30,981 --> 00:25:32,700
You can shut it and all.
437
00:25:36,460 --> 00:25:38,341
[indistinct chatter]
438
00:25:38,420 --> 00:25:39,420
[man sniffs]
439
00:25:42,940 --> 00:25:43,981
It's Gallagher, isn't it?
440
00:25:45,341 --> 00:25:46,381
Frank Gallagher?
441
00:25:47,420 --> 00:25:48,940
I'm Maurice O'Neill.
442
00:25:49,021 --> 00:25:51,460
I live in the courts, flat 19.
443
00:25:52,581 --> 00:25:53,781
Congratulations.
444
00:25:55,341 --> 00:25:57,261
Aye, very good.
445
00:25:57,341 --> 00:26:00,821
No, it's just I heard
about your little incident.
446
00:26:00,900 --> 00:26:01,821
Oh, yeah? What are you, then?
447
00:26:01,900 --> 00:26:03,861
Some have-a-go-hero, Pride of Britain,
448
00:26:03,940 --> 00:26:05,341
you want to make a name
for yourself, do you?
449
00:26:05,420 --> 00:26:07,420
-Go on, try it. Dare you.
-Quite the opposite.
450
00:26:09,141 --> 00:26:11,700
I think it's disgusting
how this place has treated you.
451
00:26:13,861 --> 00:26:15,660
Oh, well.
452
00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:19,021
The black beating heart
of our Big Society, that is.
453
00:26:19,101 --> 00:26:22,501
Thou shalt judge thy fellow man,
dob him in, hound him out.
454
00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:24,781
Divided we shall stand.
455
00:26:24,861 --> 00:26:29,501
Lessons ripped straight from the playbooks
of the Gestapo and the Stasi!
456
00:26:29,581 --> 00:26:30,781
Couldn't agree more.
457
00:26:31,781 --> 00:26:32,781
It's a fallen world.
458
00:26:35,460 --> 00:26:36,821
Do you like a drink, Mr. Gallagher?
459
00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:43,420
Maybe I should write a book,
Touched By A Filthy Bugger.
460
00:26:43,501 --> 00:26:44,700
Frank didn't actually touch you.
461
00:26:44,781 --> 00:26:47,141
He pinched me fuckin' knickers.
462
00:26:47,220 --> 00:26:48,981
Exposed himself to me.
463
00:26:49,061 --> 00:26:50,861
Right, yeah, he's a twat,
464
00:26:50,940 --> 00:26:52,981
but I've never had him down
for one of them perverts.
465
00:26:53,061 --> 00:26:54,900
He hasn't the energy
to wave his fucking dick about.
466
00:26:54,981 --> 00:26:56,460
Probably a misunderstanding.
467
00:26:58,861 --> 00:26:59,781
Flyers.
468
00:26:59,861 --> 00:27:00,900
I should hand out more flyers.
469
00:27:00,981 --> 00:27:01,981
Warn people.
470
00:27:10,420 --> 00:27:11,420
Oh!
471
00:27:13,541 --> 00:27:15,741
Hello, old friend.
472
00:27:18,700 --> 00:27:19,940
It's been a while.
473
00:27:21,180 --> 00:27:22,781
-You busy?
-Nope.
474
00:27:22,861 --> 00:27:24,501
Good.
475
00:27:24,581 --> 00:27:25,621
I need your help.
476
00:27:26,821 --> 00:27:28,101
I want you to kidnap my daughter.
477
00:27:30,180 --> 00:27:33,501
I just want to say something, right,
this is a bad idea.
478
00:27:34,821 --> 00:27:36,981
Fake kidnappings always backfire.
479
00:27:37,061 --> 00:27:38,420
Let me worry about that.
480
00:27:38,501 --> 00:27:40,021
All right. I'm just saying.
481
00:27:40,101 --> 00:27:44,061
Your sister finds out about this
and your relationship is fucked forever.
482
00:27:44,141 --> 00:27:46,981
Even worse, some nutjob finds out
about this or the cash
483
00:27:47,061 --> 00:27:48,501
and you've got proper trouble.
484
00:27:48,581 --> 00:27:50,781
You know what the estate's like,
nobody can keep a fucking secret.
485
00:27:50,861 --> 00:27:54,420
I'm not asking this as a favour.
I'll pay you.
486
00:27:54,501 --> 00:27:55,460
Two hundred quid
487
00:27:55,541 --> 00:27:57,501
and you can keep your opinions
to yourself.
488
00:27:59,141 --> 00:28:00,261
How much is she going for?
489
00:28:02,581 --> 00:28:04,501
-Fifty grand.
-Fuck off!
490
00:28:04,581 --> 00:28:06,420
She's not worth that much.
491
00:28:06,501 --> 00:28:08,261
She's worth much more.
492
00:28:09,301 --> 00:28:13,341
I just need her to hang out here
for a day, out of view.
493
00:28:13,420 --> 00:28:15,061
And for you to pick up the money
when it comes through.
494
00:28:15,141 --> 00:28:18,821
Oh, you see, you're making this sound
really nice and easy, aren't you?
495
00:28:20,460 --> 00:28:23,541
What you're really talking about here
is serious fraud.
496
00:28:23,621 --> 00:28:25,900
And Shane doesn't get out of bed
for less than 500.
497
00:28:25,981 --> 00:28:27,861
-Done.
-A thousand.
498
00:28:27,940 --> 00:28:30,141
-What's my cut?
-You get your party.
499
00:28:30,220 --> 00:28:32,220
-No.
-Fine, I'll buy you a bloody car.
500
00:28:32,301 --> 00:28:34,141
And you, 700, final offer.
501
00:28:38,980 --> 00:28:41,420
I like to think of us all as snowflakes.
502
00:28:42,501 --> 00:28:46,381
Each is special and unique, mysterious
in our ways.
503
00:28:48,261 --> 00:28:50,180
[burps] Exactly.
504
00:28:50,261 --> 00:28:52,141
But that's not what they want, is it?
505
00:28:52,220 --> 00:28:56,781
Society full of obedient little robots,
punching the time clocks,
506
00:28:56,861 --> 00:28:59,261
saluting the CCTV as they pass.
507
00:28:59,341 --> 00:29:02,220
The main thing is, we accept
all colours under the rainbow.
508
00:29:03,261 --> 00:29:05,541
As I've often said,
it's our differences that unite us.
509
00:29:06,660 --> 00:29:09,420
But you'll be able to share that
with the others soon.
510
00:29:09,501 --> 00:29:11,061
[indistinct conversations]
511
00:29:11,141 --> 00:29:12,220
Right.
512
00:29:12,301 --> 00:29:13,741
The other whats?
513
00:29:13,821 --> 00:29:15,061
Of our little brotherhood.
514
00:29:16,101 --> 00:29:18,821
Men of certain tastes.
515
00:29:18,900 --> 00:29:22,141
Oh, I'm not really
a brotherhood sort of person.
516
00:29:22,220 --> 00:29:24,220
More of a lone wolf.
517
00:29:24,301 --> 00:29:26,821
Because society has made you that.
518
00:29:27,861 --> 00:29:31,821
Oh, it took me some time to be strong
and finally admit that, hey,
519
00:29:31,900 --> 00:29:35,821
I am sexually aroused
by anthropomorphic animal characters.
520
00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:36,861
Eh?
521
00:29:36,940 --> 00:29:40,660
It think it was Soo from The Sooty Show
that first caused a quiver.
522
00:29:40,741 --> 00:29:41,980
Do you remember her?
523
00:29:43,341 --> 00:29:46,980
Dirty wee panda
in that teeny-weeny red skirt.
524
00:29:49,061 --> 00:29:51,021
Have you ever wondered
what a panda would look like
525
00:29:51,101 --> 00:29:52,900
with breast implants, Mr. Gallagher?
526
00:29:54,660 --> 00:29:56,940
I'll just take these
for the road, shall I?
527
00:29:57,021 --> 00:29:59,381
Don't be scared, Mr. Gallagher.
You're amongst friends now.
528
00:29:59,460 --> 00:30:00,861
You're no fucking friend of mine!
529
00:30:00,940 --> 00:30:03,581
Where are you gonna run, Mr. Gallagher?
There's nowhere left for you to go!
530
00:30:03,660 --> 00:30:04,700
Hey!
531
00:30:04,781 --> 00:30:06,101
We're all you've got!
532
00:30:08,980 --> 00:30:09,980
You were right.
533
00:30:11,301 --> 00:30:13,101
I should never have taken that money.
534
00:30:15,940 --> 00:30:17,341
My own daughter, Pat.
535
00:30:18,660 --> 00:30:20,700
My own fucking daughter!
536
00:30:21,900 --> 00:30:23,061
What we gonna do?
537
00:30:26,301 --> 00:30:29,341
-You pay the ransom.
-With what?
538
00:30:29,420 --> 00:30:30,980
I've got fuck all!
539
00:30:34,180 --> 00:30:35,821
I think we should call the police.
540
00:30:38,821 --> 00:30:41,420
Avs, I didn't...
541
00:30:43,541 --> 00:30:44,660
I didn't burn the money.
542
00:30:46,180 --> 00:30:47,220
I've still got it.
543
00:30:49,900 --> 00:30:50,940
All of it.
544
00:30:52,301 --> 00:30:54,341
No, you did.
545
00:30:54,420 --> 00:30:55,741
I saw you.
546
00:30:55,821 --> 00:30:56,861
No.
547
00:30:57,861 --> 00:30:59,660
I switched it before we even got here.
548
00:31:00,900 --> 00:31:04,980
I just got so screwed up
about you leaving.
549
00:31:06,460 --> 00:31:07,460
I'm sorry.
550
00:31:09,341 --> 00:31:12,741
So, we can...
551
00:31:14,621 --> 00:31:15,821
we can pay the ransom.
552
00:31:18,061 --> 00:31:19,900
It's my problem.
553
00:31:19,980 --> 00:31:24,621
I brought Louis, that money,
into our lives.
554
00:31:26,341 --> 00:31:27,341
Come here.
555
00:31:30,541 --> 00:31:31,861
[sighs]
556
00:31:31,940 --> 00:31:33,021
-[indistinct talk]
-Yeah, there.
557
00:31:33,101 --> 00:31:34,381
[cheering]
558
00:31:36,980 --> 00:31:38,460
Whoo.
559
00:31:44,621 --> 00:31:45,900
[yelling] Catch it!
560
00:31:51,261 --> 00:31:52,781
-What ya doing?
-Nothing.
561
00:31:52,861 --> 00:31:54,341
Doesn't look like nothing.
562
00:31:54,420 --> 00:31:56,381
Playing hide and seek. And you're it.
563
00:31:56,460 --> 00:31:57,821
Go on.
564
00:31:57,900 --> 00:32:00,341
-Go and hide.
-All right, but no peekin'.
565
00:32:01,381 --> 00:32:02,460
[door closes]
566
00:32:09,501 --> 00:32:11,220
I told you, piss off!
567
00:32:17,301 --> 00:32:19,220
[Patreesha] I'm just so, so sorry.
568
00:32:19,301 --> 00:32:20,740
[Avril] Yeah, I know.
569
00:32:20,821 --> 00:32:23,700
[Patreesha] No, I mean for trying
to stop you having your own life.
570
00:32:23,781 --> 00:32:24,740
I've failed at everything.
571
00:32:24,821 --> 00:32:26,700
Career, love.
572
00:32:26,781 --> 00:32:27,700
I just didn't want to admit
573
00:32:27,781 --> 00:32:29,501
I'd failed at being a sister as well,
you know?
574
00:32:31,021 --> 00:32:32,781
-Is that them?
-No.
575
00:32:33,900 --> 00:32:34,900
Over there.
576
00:32:36,381 --> 00:32:37,420
Fuckin' hell.
577
00:32:37,501 --> 00:32:39,341
Fucking hell!
578
00:32:39,420 --> 00:32:40,460
Money.
579
00:32:51,980 --> 00:32:53,660
If you've done anything to her?
580
00:32:57,141 --> 00:32:58,101
Mum!
581
00:32:58,180 --> 00:32:59,501
I was so scared!
582
00:32:59,581 --> 00:33:00,980
I thought I'd never see you again.
583
00:33:01,061 --> 00:33:02,501
Enough with the dramatics. Tone it down.
584
00:33:03,821 --> 00:33:05,900
I want you to know something.
585
00:33:05,980 --> 00:33:08,220
I will find out who you are.
586
00:33:08,301 --> 00:33:10,781
And I will hurt you
for what you've done to my family.
587
00:33:10,861 --> 00:33:11,821
You all right?
588
00:33:11,900 --> 00:33:14,541
Listen, Mimi wants me to make sure
everyone's got one of these, so.
589
00:33:14,621 --> 00:33:15,541
Billy?
590
00:33:15,621 --> 00:33:17,740
No, I know she's gone a bit psycho
over the whole thing,
591
00:33:17,821 --> 00:33:21,381
but she's the wife,
her who must be obeyed.
592
00:33:21,460 --> 00:33:22,781
Here, Shane.
593
00:33:22,861 --> 00:33:24,700
I love that bally, mate.
594
00:33:24,781 --> 00:33:27,101
-I'm not Shane.
-What?
595
00:33:27,180 --> 00:33:28,141
You are.
596
00:33:28,220 --> 00:33:30,781
Remember you wore that last Christmas,
at the big snowball fight,
597
00:33:30,861 --> 00:33:32,980
the one where you kept going on
about getting frostbite.
598
00:33:33,061 --> 00:33:35,301
I mean, come on, seriously,
it wasn't even cold
599
00:33:35,381 --> 00:33:37,821
and this guy's like Scott
of the friggin' Antarctic.
600
00:33:38,861 --> 00:33:40,940
-What the fuck?
-Her idea.
601
00:33:43,061 --> 00:33:45,781
You tried to rip me off?
602
00:33:45,861 --> 00:33:47,541
You tried to rip me off first!
603
00:33:48,740 --> 00:33:50,900
Catfight in three, two, one.
604
00:33:50,980 --> 00:33:52,980
-[turns video on, beeps]
-[groans]
605
00:33:54,980 --> 00:33:57,581
Come on! Fucker! I'll kill you!
606
00:33:57,660 --> 00:33:59,301
I'll kill you!
607
00:34:01,141 --> 00:34:02,381
[laughs]
608
00:34:04,501 --> 00:34:07,220
Come on! Aargh!
609
00:34:10,421 --> 00:34:12,461
-Fucker!
-[groans]
610
00:34:14,981 --> 00:34:16,901
[party music playing]
611
00:34:31,021 --> 00:34:32,021
What the fuck?
612
00:34:33,700 --> 00:34:34,621
It's all right.
613
00:34:34,700 --> 00:34:36,381
He's my neighbour, so it doesn't count.
614
00:34:36,461 --> 00:34:37,461
Twat.
615
00:34:41,660 --> 00:34:42,981
I'm going to be polite.
616
00:34:43,061 --> 00:34:44,340
Gonna be nice.
617
00:34:44,421 --> 00:34:48,260
Gonna plaster on a fake fucking smile
for your daughter's birthday party.
618
00:34:48,340 --> 00:34:52,061
But after that, we split the cash
and go our separate ways.
619
00:34:52,141 --> 00:34:53,180
End of.
620
00:34:53,260 --> 00:34:54,461
Fine by me.
621
00:34:54,541 --> 00:34:56,941
[party music playing]
622
00:35:07,780 --> 00:35:09,820
[people cheering, chattering]
623
00:35:14,621 --> 00:35:16,181
You're Patreesha, aren't you?
624
00:35:16,261 --> 00:35:18,860
You knew Louis. He died at your house.
625
00:35:18,941 --> 00:35:20,181
What makes you say that?
626
00:35:20,261 --> 00:35:21,820
One of us has a mate in the hospitals.
627
00:35:21,901 --> 00:35:25,221
Gave us the details
about poor Darren Smith.
628
00:35:25,300 --> 00:35:26,820
-Are you family?
-[chuckles]
629
00:35:26,901 --> 00:35:28,141
No. Far from it.
630
00:35:28,221 --> 00:35:30,421
We're trying to get the money back.
631
00:35:30,501 --> 00:35:32,501
The money he stole from all of us.
632
00:35:32,581 --> 00:35:34,981
-We don't know anything about money.
-Nothing about your money.
633
00:35:35,061 --> 00:35:37,621
Louis comes over all caring.
634
00:35:37,701 --> 00:35:39,901
Pretends to be married so you feel safe.
635
00:35:39,981 --> 00:35:43,741
Says you're unique, has a producer friend
in Baton Rouge,
636
00:35:43,820 --> 00:35:47,381
just needs some cash for the plane ticket
and he buggers off.
637
00:35:47,461 --> 00:35:49,461
He's been pulling the scam
all over Manchester.
638
00:35:49,541 --> 00:35:51,461
Ladies,
639
00:35:51,541 --> 00:35:53,061
I'm sorry you were conned,
640
00:35:53,141 --> 00:35:55,981
but we don't know anything
about your cash.
641
00:35:56,061 --> 00:35:57,421
What's in the bag?
642
00:35:57,501 --> 00:35:59,300
[Avril] I think you've made a mistake.
643
00:36:00,661 --> 00:36:03,741
And as you can see,
this is a private party.
644
00:36:05,141 --> 00:36:09,221
You don't want to be asked
to leave twice, seriously.
645
00:36:18,421 --> 00:36:19,701
He didn't ask you for cash, did he?
646
00:36:19,780 --> 00:36:21,621
'Course he fucking didn't.
647
00:36:21,701 --> 00:36:23,901
-Maybe we should--
-Return the money?
648
00:36:24,741 --> 00:36:27,780
I earned this. This is mine.
649
00:36:27,860 --> 00:36:29,181
They're probably full of bullshit anyway.
650
00:36:30,421 --> 00:36:32,661
Surprised you didn't get on
with them better.
651
00:36:39,780 --> 00:36:41,780
[Esther] What do you want to say to Frank?
652
00:36:43,300 --> 00:36:44,421
Tam.
653
00:36:46,141 --> 00:36:47,741
Sorry, Mr. Gallagher.
654
00:36:49,381 --> 00:36:51,221
Well, all right, no harm done.
655
00:36:51,300 --> 00:36:54,461
So if you can get your arse out there
and tell the rest of them!
656
00:36:54,541 --> 00:36:57,380
-No, Frank.
-I'm a pariah.
657
00:36:57,461 --> 00:36:59,021
I've been barred from the pub!
658
00:36:59,101 --> 00:37:01,901
Harangued by strangers
and neighbours alike.
659
00:37:01,981 --> 00:37:06,780
Groomed by weirdos
who like pandas with breasts!
660
00:37:06,860 --> 00:37:10,021
-People will get over it!
-People will feed on it!
661
00:37:10,101 --> 00:37:12,621
They'll keep it going and going
until I'm driven off the estate!
662
00:37:12,701 --> 00:37:14,501
I'm not throwing my son to the wolves!
663
00:37:15,741 --> 00:37:18,421
-Maybe if you spoke to Mimi--
-Tried that. Didn't work!
664
00:37:18,501 --> 00:37:20,300
Maybe you didn't say the right thing!
665
00:37:20,380 --> 00:37:21,981
I'm the aggrieved party.
666
00:37:22,061 --> 00:37:25,021
Why the fuck should I help you
and klepto boy over here?
667
00:37:25,101 --> 00:37:28,261
I'm the best bloody neighbour
you'll ever have.
668
00:37:30,941 --> 00:37:33,021
It's your word against me and Tam.
669
00:37:33,101 --> 00:37:34,860
Who do you think everyone's gonna believe?
670
00:37:34,941 --> 00:37:36,860
Really?
671
00:37:36,941 --> 00:37:40,261
Just tell her you did it for love.
672
00:37:44,701 --> 00:37:46,380
I'll show you what I found in his locker.
673
00:37:47,941 --> 00:37:49,300
And if you're anything like the others...
674
00:37:51,541 --> 00:37:52,780
you'll probably want this as well.
675
00:38:09,421 --> 00:38:10,661
No need to read on, love.
676
00:38:11,901 --> 00:38:12,941
It's only gonna hurt you.
677
00:38:16,221 --> 00:38:17,221
Very well, then.
678
00:38:21,621 --> 00:38:23,941
"Patreesha St Rose.
679
00:38:24,941 --> 00:38:29,981
Middle aged, lonely, clearly looking
for somebody to believe in her.
680
00:38:30,061 --> 00:38:35,300
Given the right attention,
will most likely be a pushover."
681
00:38:38,581 --> 00:38:40,780
Are you sure you want to hear this?
682
00:38:43,621 --> 00:38:44,701
[sighs]
683
00:38:50,661 --> 00:38:52,701
Avril was right.
684
00:38:52,780 --> 00:38:54,380
You've got victim written all over you.
685
00:38:54,461 --> 00:38:57,181
You're so self-centred
that anyone who spends any time with you
686
00:38:57,261 --> 00:38:59,300
just wants to hurt you
or get the fuck away from you,
687
00:38:59,380 --> 00:39:00,421
as fast as they can.
688
00:39:02,701 --> 00:39:04,181
Worst thing is...
689
00:39:06,501 --> 00:39:07,621
you miss me.
690
00:39:08,780 --> 00:39:12,380
Because you're grateful,
pathetically grateful,
691
00:39:12,461 --> 00:39:14,261
for the crumbs I threw you.
692
00:39:14,340 --> 00:39:15,340
Fuck off!
693
00:39:23,221 --> 00:39:25,901
[people chatter, laughter]
694
00:39:25,981 --> 00:39:29,261
♪ Send down thy truth... ♪
695
00:39:29,340 --> 00:39:31,701
I stole your underwear because...
696
00:39:33,741 --> 00:39:36,701
I am sexually attracted to you.
697
00:39:36,780 --> 00:39:37,701
Twat him.
698
00:39:37,780 --> 00:39:39,661
-For what?
-For what he's just said.
699
00:39:39,741 --> 00:39:41,380
It was a compliment.
700
00:39:41,461 --> 00:39:43,300
I know I don't mean the same to you.
701
00:39:43,380 --> 00:39:46,141
You don't remember the first time we met.
702
00:39:46,221 --> 00:39:50,421
You don't arrange your day
so that you bump into me accidentally.
703
00:39:50,501 --> 00:39:52,661
You don't mourn all the little choices
704
00:39:52,741 --> 00:39:57,101
that we've made that have led us down
separate paths, but I do.
705
00:39:57,181 --> 00:39:59,901
I, Vernon Francis Gallagher,
706
00:39:59,981 --> 00:40:02,820
am so in love with you
707
00:40:02,901 --> 00:40:09,300
that I had no choice but to steal
your underwear and expose myself to you.
708
00:40:14,300 --> 00:40:16,501
I feel sorry for you, Frank.
709
00:40:16,581 --> 00:40:19,340
You're so messed up in there but...
710
00:40:21,021 --> 00:40:22,701
I'll accept your apology.
711
00:40:22,780 --> 00:40:24,300
It's very gracious of you.
712
00:40:25,661 --> 00:40:27,621
This good lady's paying for my tab.
713
00:40:31,820 --> 00:40:33,421
Go on, then.
714
00:40:33,501 --> 00:40:35,621
You poor bastard.
715
00:40:35,701 --> 00:40:37,300
We've always been mates,
716
00:40:37,380 --> 00:40:38,701
but now I'm thinking
717
00:40:38,780 --> 00:40:40,901
ain't that the best way
to start off a relationship?
718
00:40:40,981 --> 00:40:41,941
A mate with tits.
719
00:40:42,021 --> 00:40:43,101
-Yeah.
-Perfect.
720
00:40:43,181 --> 00:40:44,780
-You want to slow down there, mate.
-What?
721
00:40:44,860 --> 00:40:47,061
She's all over me, man. I'm hot shit.
722
00:40:49,501 --> 00:40:51,621
-Eh.
-[sighs]
723
00:40:54,380 --> 00:40:55,701
Rule of thumb.
724
00:40:55,780 --> 00:40:57,901
Teenage girls love bad boys.
725
00:40:57,981 --> 00:40:59,421
Fuckin' great, innit?
726
00:41:00,421 --> 00:41:01,340
Don't worry about it, mate.
727
00:41:01,421 --> 00:41:03,741
She'll get sick of it and you'll be there
to pick up the pieces.
728
00:41:03,820 --> 00:41:06,701
Just give it five, six years at least.
729
00:41:06,780 --> 00:41:07,780
[chuckles]
730
00:41:10,820 --> 00:41:11,860
Pat.
731
00:41:11,941 --> 00:41:13,101
You can fuck off as well.
732
00:41:15,501 --> 00:41:18,181
♪ ...somebody's ♪
733
00:41:18,261 --> 00:41:19,901
Hey! What you doing?
734
00:41:19,981 --> 00:41:21,340
Cheeky cow.
735
00:41:22,621 --> 00:41:26,941
My name is Patreesha and I'm a failure.
736
00:41:28,380 --> 00:41:31,300
My husband Bernard
likes to fuck other men.
737
00:41:31,380 --> 00:41:32,941
[laughter]
738
00:41:33,021 --> 00:41:36,541
My daughter doesn't ever bother
coming round anymore.
739
00:41:36,621 --> 00:41:38,421
Don't blame her.
740
00:41:38,501 --> 00:41:42,701
And my sister just wants
to get the hell away from me.
741
00:41:42,780 --> 00:41:45,261
Again, no blame.
742
00:41:46,541 --> 00:41:49,860
But the man I loved, Louis...
743
00:41:51,541 --> 00:41:54,380
he saw something in me
744
00:41:54,461 --> 00:41:58,141
that I didn't know existed until today.
745
00:42:00,141 --> 00:42:01,820
He saw...
746
00:42:01,901 --> 00:42:03,101
a sucker!
747
00:42:03,181 --> 00:42:04,701
[laughter]
748
00:42:04,780 --> 00:42:07,780
Someone so desperate
749
00:42:07,860 --> 00:42:12,380
that he could rip me off
without breaking sweat!
750
00:42:13,541 --> 00:42:19,380
Well, I ripped him off
for 50 fucking grand!
751
00:42:20,741 --> 00:42:23,541
So who's the sucker now, you cunt?
752
00:42:23,621 --> 00:42:24,981
Bloody hell.
753
00:42:25,061 --> 00:42:27,421
Yeah, that's right.
754
00:42:27,501 --> 00:42:31,421
Fifty grand and it's all for me.
I deserve it!
755
00:42:31,501 --> 00:42:35,061
So rot in hell, you conniving bastard!
756
00:42:35,141 --> 00:42:37,621
-[mic static]
-Get your hands off me!
757
00:42:37,701 --> 00:42:38,780
For fuck's sake.
758
00:42:38,860 --> 00:42:41,621
Do you want to highlight the fact
we've got 50 grand in a place like this?
759
00:42:41,701 --> 00:42:43,780
-Come on!
-It's just one big note, is it?
760
00:42:47,581 --> 00:42:49,221
Jesus, Pat!
761
00:42:51,380 --> 00:42:52,901
You never told me you gave him money.
762
00:42:52,981 --> 00:42:54,860
Like you fucking care.
763
00:42:54,941 --> 00:42:56,101
Of course I care.
764
00:42:56,181 --> 00:42:57,820
You can fuck off with the rest of 'em!
765
00:43:11,141 --> 00:43:13,261
[siren wailing in distance]
766
00:43:13,340 --> 00:43:16,901
Nah, not having some wing-nuts
put the shits up me.
767
00:43:16,981 --> 00:43:18,501
Go on.
768
00:43:18,581 --> 00:43:21,421
Piss off and take it.
That's what you want.
769
00:43:21,501 --> 00:43:22,860
[Avril] I'm not leaving you.
770
00:43:24,181 --> 00:43:27,461
Right, what do you two twats want?
771
00:43:27,541 --> 00:43:29,741
-Dunno. Fifty grand would do it.
-[tyres screeching]
772
00:43:29,820 --> 00:43:32,981
Come on then, take it. I fucking dare you!
773
00:43:37,021 --> 00:43:40,261
You got a problem with them,
you got a problem with us.
774
00:43:40,340 --> 00:43:42,621
Who are you? Fucking Neighbourhood Watch?
775
00:43:47,221 --> 00:43:48,981
[smacks lips]
776
00:43:49,061 --> 00:43:50,300
[both sigh]
777
00:43:52,061 --> 00:43:53,300
Where can we take you?
778
00:43:53,380 --> 00:43:54,421
Just home.
779
00:43:54,501 --> 00:43:55,701
Fuck that. There's a party.
780
00:43:56,780 --> 00:43:59,181
[Avril] Uh, look,
781
00:43:59,261 --> 00:44:01,701
we might know where the money is and...
782
00:44:03,141 --> 00:44:04,780
we'll probably be able
to get it back to you.
783
00:44:06,981 --> 00:44:09,661
Definitely be able to get it back to you.
784
00:44:09,741 --> 00:44:10,661
Fair's fair.
785
00:44:10,741 --> 00:44:13,380
[Patreesha] Are we going
to the bloody party or what?
786
00:44:13,461 --> 00:44:16,461
["It's Only Make Believe" plays]
787
00:44:16,541 --> 00:44:18,741
Thank you.
788
00:44:18,820 --> 00:44:20,421
Whoo!
789
00:44:20,501 --> 00:44:21,701
[screams]
790
00:44:21,780 --> 00:44:22,860
Yay!
791
00:44:22,941 --> 00:44:26,021
Whoo!
792
00:44:26,101 --> 00:44:29,261
[Patreesha]
The world's full of frustrated artists,
793
00:44:29,340 --> 00:44:31,741
yelling out for someone to notice 'em.
794
00:44:35,181 --> 00:44:36,900
Hoping for that one moment
795
00:44:36,981 --> 00:44:39,581
where someone recognises their talent.
796
00:44:41,860 --> 00:44:46,101
Sees something special in them
that nobody's seen before.
797
00:44:46,981 --> 00:44:50,340
You can wait so long that you
don't even notice the good things
798
00:44:50,421 --> 00:44:52,141
that are right there in front of you.
799
00:44:54,261 --> 00:44:57,221
Folk that maybe can't make you a star,
800
00:44:57,300 --> 00:44:58,900
but they've got your back,
801
00:44:58,981 --> 00:45:01,780
they've seen great things
in you all along.
802
00:45:01,860 --> 00:45:03,860
Believed in you from the start.
803
00:45:11,141 --> 00:45:16,621
So I'll keep on going,
till my last bloody breath.
804
00:45:18,741 --> 00:45:20,261
In the meantime,
805
00:45:20,340 --> 00:45:25,820
I'm available for weddings, parties,
bar mitzvahs, you name it.
806
00:45:28,340 --> 00:45:30,261
Just don't forget to pack your earplugs.
807
00:45:30,340 --> 00:45:31,941
["It's Only Make Believe" continues]
808
00:45:49,860 --> 00:45:51,621
-Marry me.
-Put her out of her misery.
809
00:45:51,701 --> 00:45:53,261
It's finding the right moment, innit?
810
00:45:53,340 --> 00:45:56,820
[Mimi] I'd be crying off sick every week
if I had to do PE in that dump.
811
00:45:56,900 --> 00:45:59,181
That could be my legacy.
I could rebuild the gym.
812
00:45:59,261 --> 00:46:00,221
[coins clink]
813
00:46:00,300 --> 00:46:02,741
[Mimi] It'll take longer than building
the Great Wall of China at this rate.
814
00:46:02,820 --> 00:46:04,461
Robbing anything like that,
you're going down.
815
00:46:04,541 --> 00:46:05,581
[Billy] Still got some of them trackers?
816
00:46:05,661 --> 00:46:07,261
[Chesney] Jamie and Shane
aren't gonna be happy about this.
817
00:46:07,340 --> 00:46:09,101
-Where's the gear?
-I've got it.
818
00:46:09,181 --> 00:46:11,941
[Jamie] Two customers taxed in a week,
it's got to be someone close to home.
819
00:46:12,021 --> 00:46:13,581
What the fuck?
820
00:46:13,661 --> 00:46:15,421
Whatever it takes to be with you.
821
00:46:57,581 --> 00:46:58,981
-[Frank clicks lighter]
-I'm out of turps.
822
00:47:00,501 --> 00:47:02,181
Hurry up, then.
823
00:47:02,261 --> 00:47:04,141
I'll be back tomorrow. I've got homework.
824
00:47:04,221 --> 00:47:05,181
Looks better though, dunnit?
825
00:47:05,261 --> 00:47:06,900
How? How is that better?
826
00:47:08,380 --> 00:47:10,380
Come here, you. We're not finished.
827
00:47:10,461 --> 00:47:12,621
Get back here on your hands and knees!
89692
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