All language subtitles for Shameless S11E08 720p WEB-DL HEVC x265 BONE

Look at me, right?

And look at the Queen.

I was never a fan until it occurred to me
how much me and Ma'am have in common.

Bringing up kiddies
you can't remember the names of.

I know she's not a single parent,
but she might as well be.

Plus, the pair of us,
we've stuck to our guns,

her literally sometimes,
and flagshipped a dying breed.

Admired and despised equally.

Not for never lifting a finger, no,
for setting examples through extremity.

And whether you're a bigwig on her end
or a bigwig on mine,

you've still got all your dickheads
in the middle to deal with,

snip, snip, snipping at your benefits.

I mean, she can't not be looking at me
and thinking, "What's your secret, Frank?"

I got shot of my kids yonks back,

whereas she's yet to see
the back of a single one.

Fine!

I've had to get out of bed on occasion
to make ends meet,

whereas she,
she's done the whole thing from a chair.

Oh, and a drink for the lady.

Oh, sure, there's perks.

But, look at her lot.
Brian May prancing about on her roof.

Now, look at my lot,

we know how to throw
a proper fucking pa-a-rty!

[Lip] It's not that hard being a parent
in the modern world.

It's not like the caveman times.

Back then you'd be protecting your kids
from rampaging tribesmen

and sabre-toothed tigers.

Or the medieval ages,

where if infant mortality
didn't snatch the little buggers off,

then the Black Death
were hammering on the door.

Nah, now it's easier.

Sure you have to make a few sacrifices,
but it's nothing like the past.

As long as you have a bit of spare cash
to buy them clothes and shit,

make sure there's food on the table...

and be there for them when they need it,
you're sorted.

Basically, don't be a knobhead
and you'll be fine.

[rock music plays]

Billy Whizz!

There you go!

[rooster crowing]

[cow mooing]

It's not some big mystery, is it?

So how come so many of the twats
fuck it up, eh?

Oi! Hands off.

Just looking.

Just touching!

You running away from home?

Overnight excursions with the Scouts.

Pitch a tent, build a fire,
underneath that old wandering star.

Can I come?

-You're not a Scout.
-I could be one.

Never been in a tent or built a fire
or seen a wandering star.

[indistinct conversations]

[bus bell rings]

[hard rock music plays]

I've got Billy
doing the school pics for me.

There's a class set,
individual pics and a family group.

Doesn't matter
how bleeding ugly the kids are,

the parents will buy the lot.

Pint, please, Karen.

Eh, Gallagher, you'll need a sick note
for skipping work today.

Eh, I was mugged.

Who'd mug you?

Well, they took the lot.

I didn't even have the bus fare
to get back home.

Don't care.

£2.50.

Muggers took you for a trip out, did they?

From the hospital.

Hang on.
You left here last night with fuck all.

You still owe me for six pints and two Es.
So clear your tab or no more.

[sighs] Fine.

Mimi, payday's not till you know,
any chance?

End of the month.

Oh, fine! Abandoned. An outcast.

Oh, God!

Who's going to look after you
in your old age?

I've still got my dignity.

Whoa, whoa, pal, that's mine now.

Get off, you baghead, get off!

Get off!

Dignity my arse.

[bus approching]

[bus door swoosh]

Hiya!

G'us your bag then.

-Good day at the office?
[Katie] Yeah.

Why not? It's just Scouts.

[both] It's just Scouts!

Shut up!

It's sinister!

Making you dress all the same,
act the same way.

Little robots with woggles.

You'll thank me one day.

I just want you kids to be, you know--

Individuals.

To follow your own path.

Dance to the beat of your drum.

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

OK!

But I'm still right.

But I know the path I want to follow,
I want to be a Scout!

[all] I want to be a Scout!

[people chattering]

But please, Dad!

Lip!

Frank.

Not your neck of the woods.

Well, you know, call it fate. Kismet.

So you're looking good. Suit, tie.

It's called having a job, Frank.

Architect, for the council.

And we're in a bit of a hurry.

Those buildings won't build themselves.

I've seen you before.

On the bus.

Yeah, I thought you were a boy.

Thank you.

Eh, what'd we say about
talking to strangers?

And there's no-one more strange
than your old grandad, eh, Katie?

No way!

[Frank giggles]

It's a miracle?

-Well, wouldn't go that far, you know.
-It is.

We thought the Taliban
would never let you go.

[Lip] Yes, Grandad.

We didn't know if you was dead or alive.

[kids cheering]

Grandad, watch!

Oh, yeah, brilliant, kid, brilliant!

[Lip] How much for you to piss off
and leave us alone?

That's no way to speak to a war hero.

Go on. Take it.

Piss off back down the Jockey,
go and have yourself some fun.

Don't bother coming back
round these ways ever again.

Oh, you do live round here then?

Just visiting.

Work.

I'm not after your money.

[Lip chuckles]

What, is it so far-fetched that
I might miss my grandson-- daughter?

About as far-fetched
as Liverpool or Santa Claus

winning the bloody Premier League.

Oh, as far-fetched as me being captured
by the Taliban then?

Course, the SAS are dying
to recruit blokes like me, you know.

Catering staff.

You were Army catering staff.

You got kidnapped by mistake.

The Taliban were so fucking embarrassed
they didn't know what to do with you.

You see, Frank?

Even in the silliest little lie,
I told my daughter you're still a loser.

Well, fair enough.

Katie!

Your dad wants to know if you want to come
back to mine, for dinner, fish and chips!

Brilliant, kid, brilliant!

[Frank laughs]

D'you hear that? Eh?
Out of the mouths of babes.

You might want to stop off
at the cash machine,

you know, price of a fish supper nowadays
and all that.

You all right, Frank?

[Frank] No!

Frank?

[clattering]

Don't just stand there,
place won't clean itself.

God, I've got to do everything myself.

Didn't know the Social were coming.

They're not. It's Lip.

Lip, like my brother Lip?

Yes. He who never visits.

Him and his kid, Katie.
They'll be here in a minute.

-[door rattles]
-What's up?

And if asked, I've been away,
locked up by the Taliban.

Frank, what have you done now?

Not me. It's Lip, it's his story.

He's had me Terry waited up
in some far-flung land.

Why would he say that?

I dunno.

Takes all sorts, I suppose.

[utensils clinking]

Right, go to mine, get coffee,
not a jar, the good Yemeni stuff.

It's the only thing strong enough
to cover up this stench!

[clatters]

Is he nice?

He's got a heart of gold.

I'm sure if you remind him

of all the birthdays and Christmases
that he's missed,

y'know, he might, y'know give us--

give you a little something
for your piggy bank.

[door rattles]

[door closes]

Hey, Jamie, I'm in training.

Oh, yeah, what for?

Camping. I got in the Scouts.

I have to carry my own tent.

What's your first mission then?

Climbing Everest or surviving the Sahara?

Remona's taking us to a field.

Ooh, how exciting.

Y'know this bag's dead heavy?

I believe you, mate.

Uncle Jamie, were you ever in the Scouts?

Me and our Shane chucked fireworks
at the Scout hall once.

About as close as I got.

I don't think
they could handle your Uncle Jamie.

What do you mean?

I'm more of a leader than a follower.

[women quarrelling]

Fuck off!

What was it like here
when you were little?

It was nice.

[glass shattering]

[indistinct talk]

[tyres screeching]

[man] Fucking rats!

[engine revving]

It's not very nice now.

Places change, sweetheart.

So, why does Grandad stay here?

Well, the country doesn't look after
war veterans as well as it should do.

It's a shame for Grandad.

Yeah, a real shame.

Dad?

[thud]

[tyres screeching]

[knocking on door]

Eh, come in.

Welcome home.

[door closes]

Hi, I'm Esther.

Oh. Are you, uh?

God, no.

Next door, just the neighbour.

And besides,
I'm totally out of his league.

This is thingy,
a stray we've acquired along the way.

Aidan. Pleased to meet you, sir.

Allow me.

And Stella.

Your sister.

Hello.

It's really nice to meet you.

Sorry it's taken so long.

Dad said you'll give me a little money.

Where do they get this stuff, eh?

Well, it must run in the family.

So, how does it feel to be home?

[Mimi] I've asked you
ten times before, Gallagher.

-Nana!
-Katie, wait, please.

[Mimi] And none
of your half-hearted forgeries!

What are you doing here, sweetheart?

I'm not due to see you till next week.

What's going on, Lip?

Oh, just back for the job, is it?

Dad...

please.

For Katie.

Happy families. With her, Granny Shankly?
She's better than me!

Don't.

You never told me
you lived near Grandad!

No, I didn't, because--

The Taliban?

Yeah, those fellas.

[shuts the door]

Well, you know...

maybe it's time we told the truth.

You know, Gallaghers' name
stands for something, doesn't it?

Integrity. Honesty.

Look, love. Look.

-I was never captured by the Taliban.
-But Dad--

No, no, it's not your dad's fault.

Couldn't tell anyone the story.

[sighs]

I was on a mission to find a man,
a very bad man.

Do you know who Osama bin Laden is?

Grandad!

Yeah.

Bin Laden.

Seriously?

Well, you started it
with your tall tales of the Taliban.

How long do you think she's going
to buy into that hero bullshit?

Dunno.

You used to believe in the Tooth Fairy
till you were 11.

Oh, fuck off.

And you wet the bed.

Or shall I just tell her the real truth?
Her dad's a big fat liar.

One more word.

[Mimi] One more word from either of you
and I'll be cracking skulls.

You're not ruining this for me.

It's good you're here though.

Yeah, fantastic.

'Cause it's nearly done.

I'll nip next door and get it
while she's still playing.

Cilla, come on, babe.

Pop home.

[door rattles]

And what treat is
Super Gran looking to spring?

She's altering Mandy's old Communion dress
for Katie's confirmation.

It means a lot to her.

How does she get her trotters
to hold the little needles?

If that's the way she chooses to grieve,
who am I to stop her?

Well, my invitation must have got lost,
so let me RSVP in person.

[burps]

If you're offering.

[Katie] But you can't be my auntie.

[Stella] But I am.

[Katie] But you're younger than me.

[Stella]
Cilla's your auntie as well, you know.

Do you live nearby?

Took us four buses to get here.

Hey, I know the transport system's fucked
but you're only ten minutes away.

I took her the long way round,

so she knows exactly
how far away Grandad lives.

So enjoy it while it lasts
because we're a long way from home.

[boy] Hey! What's up?

I don't know what this whole
badass routine is about, Blanco.

But it doesn't suit you.

Maybe I don't want to be
like everyone else.

Go and get the rest of your uniform!

[kid] Go, go, go, go.

[Stella giggles]

Did they torture you?

Oh, they did unspeakable things.

Like what?

You're a right little tom boy, aren't you?

No, she's not. It's a phase.

Maybe if her gran was allowed
to spend more time with her,

she wouldn't feel the need
to act up so much.

She's not acting up!

Really?
When did she last wear a dress? Make-up?

Not this again.

Oh, for God's sake, Lip,
she hasn't even got her ears pierced.

She's nine, y'know.

I think we best be getting back.

Sit down, there's no rush.

I'll put the kettle on.

Katie, tell your dad how you're glad to
spend a little more time with your gran.

[Frank clears throat]

And your granddad.

Please, Dad, can we? Please?

Please?

Course you can.

You can visit any time you want,
now that your grandad's home.

[door rattles]

Granny Maguire seems pretty
determined to keep you here.

She's got an agenda, that one.

And you don't?

Eh, I'm on your side.

-You have never been on my side.
-Oh, fuck.

Y'know what, just go and take a walk,
cool down or you'll blow a fucking gasket,

and you don't want to do that
in front of your kids, messes 'em up.

You're giving me parenting advice?

[Frank sighs]

Katie, darling, your dad's going
to have to stretch his legs, love.

You'll be alright here with Stella.

Pick us up 40 fags while you're out.

No broken home to go back to?

Fuck off, paedo!

Bad news, my little Bandita.

Permission for take off's been denied.

No, I've got the money,
it's just my time that's being pillaged.

Me son's coming round,

just invited himself without any thought
how it might disrupt my day.

You know how selfish kids can be.

Yeah. I'll call to reschedule.

Will you two stop that?

Or I'll kick your fucking heads in!

[kid groans]

[indistinct talk on TV]

I mean it, Gallagher.

Don't you mess this up for me.

You're the ones who built
your little Sylvanian Family on sand.

Whose fault is that?

I only get to see her every few weeks
because Lip can't stand you.

You have poisoned that
boy's mind against me.

We used to be like that.

-Really?
-Yeah.

So you've been sending him cash, have you?

To help him take care of his little one,
each week, into a special account?

Thought not.

He should be taking care of me
in my advancing years.

He's got enough problems
bringing Katie up, you selfish fuck!

Come on, Slater,
we're waiting on that water.

Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop!

Put some elbow grease in it...!

This is no holiday camp,
this is the Scouts!

Come on, guys, seriously! It'll be cool!

[cows mooing]

Is it ready?

We can't eat
till the billy cans are ready.

Get them in, get them in!

Out the way, out the way!

It's all right, don't panic.

You, Blanco! You!

Oh, shit.

[dog barking in distance]

Fuck me.

Is that still your best chat up line?

Fails every time.

What are you doing here?

Right now, avoiding my piss-soaked dad.

The rest is a long story.

-Coming in?
-Nah, you're all right.

Where you going then?

Generally?

Well, come on.

I'll buy you a pint if you promise
not to share and care.

Come on, warm beer,
shit company, bad entertainment,

don't pretend you haven't missed it, mate.

[sighs]

As long as you're paying.

[people cheering]

[people chattering]

You seen Coggsy?

[camera clicks]

I know I'm good looking,

but you shouldn't be staring
at your punters.

Lip Gallagher, all grown up.

Did you start shopping at Next?

You know me, always was a bit of class.

And always full of it.

So you're doing OK I can see.

It's the spirit of Chatsworth.

It'd take more than a global recession
to stop this lot having a good time.

-Pint?
-Yeah.

Her husband?

Mimi never said owt.

She probably worries you'd judge her.

Some people do, you know,
'cause of the age gap.

It's not for me to say.

But, don't you think it's a bit oedipal?

Edible?

Come to me.

Easy, Lillian, people will be...

talking.

Well, you did always have a way
with the ladies.

Never lose it. [giggles]

[indistinct talk on TV]

There you go.

Isn't she a pretty little girl?

She's fine as she was.

Do you think so?

Your grandad's busy watching
his show right now, isn't he?

[indistinct talk on TV]

Stop twitching, love.

[indistinct talk on TV continues]

So do you reckon
this'll be a regular thing then?

Like fuck. I left for a reason.

Frank's not changed a bit, he's cleaned
me out twice, had nearly all of my wages.

And Mimi's just trying
to stick her nails right in me.

A simple no was all I wanted.

[giggles]

This is not a good Scout.

-Hey, hands off him!
-[Remona] He ruined the camp!

[Esther] I'm sure you're exaggerating.

Look at him.
Absolutely no respect for the badge.

What? It's only fucking Scouts.
Sit down, have a drink.

-What did you say to him?
-Nothing.

You ruined the camp.

What you having?

Gin and tonic.

-Same.
-Same.

[Esther] Shut up, you!

Not as easy as we thought, eh?
Being a parent.

It's not easy having one, either.

You still turned out OK.

Yeah, not because of him.

Despite.

He has got a job.

So why's he tapping me up?

'Cause he needs it more than you.
He's a janny, for God's sake.

You're a big shot architect.

Surveyor's assistant.

I barely scraped my degree, Karen.

I rent.

I shit myself every time
a bill comes through the door

and my daughter dresses like a boy.

But I'm still fucking there.

And I'm doing my best.

-Whatever that is.
-So is Frank.

I mean, he didn't have
to take Aidan on, but he did.

When did you start seeing a halo
round his head?

Still sulking like you used to and all?

We know Frank is a selfish bastard,

but I don't think
you should let him get to you.

Look, you are not that kid anymore.
You're a man!

If you fancy me just say so.

Yeah and still a twat, Phillip Gallagher.

Fuckin' twat... It's a cig machine.

I'm getting off.

[Billy] Oh, c'mon, mate,
stay for a few more.

[Shane] Yeah, pool tournament
starts in an hour.

No, I've got to get back home.

I mean to Dad's.

It's two steps away from paint stripper,
but you know what they say?

Beware Greeks bearing gifts.

I'm just gonna dash next door
and put this away.

You be all right with your grandad?

Watch her!

Why, is she going to explode?

[indistinct talk on TV]

I like your hair.

Really?

[indistinct talk on TV continues]

What matters is if you like it, you know.

Don't live your life
trying to please others.

You'll only end up messing it up
for yourself.

But won't that upset people?

And? We're Gallaghers. We do it our way.

[indistinct talk on TV continues]

I'm glad you killed Bin Laden.

Oh, yeah, me too. He was an awful c--

[indistinct chatter]

You alright?

[siren wailing in distance]

[indistinct chatter continuous]

[Frank] Look at her, see.

Four of 'em running around trying
to give her the wedding of her dreams...

dress, car, pink meringues, you name it.

They're all waiting around like twats
to see if she likes it.

And does she? Does she fuck?

She hates it,
she hates everything about it.

-And you know what she does?
-[door rattles]

She tells them.

And fair play to her.

It's the same with you and this dress.

It's up to you. You choose.

Hi, Dad.

You OK, sweetheart?

Oh.

-That for me?
-No. It's for me.

If you've got a clean glass though?

Oh, beware Greeks bearing gifts.

Not you as well.

I was thinking about
staying for the weekend.

Well, as long as you're happy
to pay board.

I have brought shame both
on myself and my office.

Won't they be missing you
in middle class suburbia?

It's not as glamorous as you've imagined.

Lord Melrose, who quit his position
on Monday,

when it was revealed
he had used rent boys...

-It's a fucking real!
-He is fucking joke!

Jesus, skeletons in the closet.

At least he's out the closet.

Well, well, and fucking truly now,
never going to go back in again.

Think he put it on the expenses?

You moved!

Let's have a look.

Hope you made me look handsome.

Yeah. It's really good.

That's my family box.

You look different now.

Shut up, Stella!

[remembering]
Carl! Your tits are ready!

You can pay for a fuck.

Do it your fucking self!

It's not about me, Lip.

It was me.

[kids chattering]

Stella!

Coat on, Stella.

Come here while I get this slide
in your hair.

You look like no-one owns you.

We thought we'd take the kids to the park.

Give you a break.

At least let me do breakfast.

I'm quite domesticated these days.

Frank up yet?

He goes next door for breakfast.

He said he didn't want to come with us.

Don't worry, we'll feed them.

Well, I'll stock up whilst you're out.

What's your favourite food?

Chocolate milk.

Yay! Chocolate milk!

Come on, kids! Last one to the swings.

Don't you be sitting around here all day,
worrying, neither.

[door shuts]

Do you think it's weird?

What?

Boy George over there.

Well, no other fucker seems
to want to face up to it.

Probably just a phase.

I work with kids.
I know what I'm talking about.

Just her and him the whole time...

there's no mother figure.

She's unbalanced.

If we keep it nice with Lip and Frank,
I could get more time with her,

be that maternal influence.

Maybe she's just different.

A rug muncher?

Do you mean do I think she's a lesbian?
I don't know.

I couldn't care less if she grows up to be
an Olympic class muff-diver

just so long as she isn't doing the full
KD Lang thing at her first holy communion.

I think he's struggling.

[kids chattering]

You always manage to get your feet
under the table somewhere.

And I don't have to dress up, either.

Any idea what you look like?

Yeah.

An adult.

Oh, he fills his daughter's head with lies
but the twat's wearing a tie,

so he's a fucking adult now.

What's Stella's favourite food, Frank?

Chocolate milk.

So you know.

Just trying to help you.

Like I was on my period out me arse,
the blood was gushing.

You didn't help me.

Oh, here he is.

Got your Chatsworth on.

Yay!

I wasn't going to say anything before

but you did look like a right twat
in that suit.

Don't hold back.

I wasn't. Come on.
Let's go fuck shit up!

Oh, my god.

Ugh, man!

Believe me--

He's in!

Go on, son!

Is it not like this round your way, then?

-How do you mean?
-Like it's posh, innit?

Like big swanky apartments.

Nah.

It's not that swanky an apartment.

Come to check out my arse, paedo?

Oh, fuck off. Who'd paedo you?

Give us that. Come on.

He's definitely got something.

Specialised market
for goggle eyes and acne.

Come on, darling, make love to the camera.

Fuckin' paedo...

That's it, work it, baby!

Hoi!

Hey, Dad, come check out these paedos!

Fucking perverts!

Even if I was a pervert,
I wouldn't touch him!

That's fucking it!

[laughter]

I'm gonna kill you! Wait!

[door shuts]

Having expended all his energy
swimming upstream for no reason at all,

the Chatsworth male eventually
stops fighting it and goes with the flow,

back to the spawning ground
to occupy his correct place in society.

[gasps]

Order is restored.

Drink.

I need the toilet.

Go on, then, upstairs to the toilet.

Nice look.

Temporary.

How was that then, sweetheart?

Great.

We were thinking it might be nice to
spend a bit of time together as a family.

-Jockey later?
-Yeah, OK.

Granddad, will you come with us?

Well, I'm not feeling too good.

You know, might have to take a rain check.

Old war wounds.

Better give your granddad
some peace and quiet.

Yeah, let's get a cup of tea.

He's all talked out.

Ground control to Major Tom.
We have liftoff.

Ah, you.

Listen, mate.

I'm sorry about earlier.

We were just having a laugh.

I was being a dick.

Please accept my apology.

Yeah, sure.

[Lip groans]

Just go around picking up fucking kiddies,
do you?

Katie, run now!

[groans]

You OK?

Take cover!

[laughter]

Bandits at six o'clock!

Ow, ow!

Fuck's sake. Hold on.

-What?
-Ow!

I think I've got a splinter.

She was terrified.

I should never have brought her here.

[groans]

Are we really that bad?

-I'm messing up.
-You're not.

She's a great kid.

She came here, met our lot and coped.
Like you did.

This is coping?

What if I'm getting it all wrong?

What about the way she dresses?

Is she happy?

How do I know if she's happy?

Are you happy?

Oh, Lip.

Sorry.

Sorry, Frank.

Can't seem to stop crying.

It's Biddy, won't come near me.

Hasn't humped me or thumped me for days.

Ow!

Got it.

Big bastard that.

Have I lost it, Frank?

Never, my little bandit.

What's the matter with you now?

Sympathy pains.

[sobs]

Katie's fine.

Mam and Shane are regaling
her with stories of...

something funny.

[sighs]

Thanks.

Right, better be getting Katie back home.

Lip, she's got a family here.
You both have.

You are putting all this pressure
on yourself.

This daft lie with Frank.

He's a shit, so what?
You do not let him cost you all of us.

Thanks.

[man] Coggsy!

He won't come back, will he?

No, sweetheart.

Uncle Jamie chased him away.

I like Jamie and Karen and Billy.

I like them all.

They like you, too.

-Your orders: if you choose to accept--
-Frank.

No talking in line, soldier.

Frank!

What the fuck's going on?

Oh, come on--

[both] No, Frank!

No, we've got morals!

He doesn't even live here!

Thank you very fucking much.

Oh, you're angry at us?

A working man gets one day a week to spend
his hard-earned money as he sees fit

and the disappointing fruit of his loins
comes along and fucks it up.

I need to speak to Katie, alone.

Well, I'm out of pocket now,

so bung us a tenner,
I'll be out your hair.

I haven't got any!
You've had the last of my wages.

Granddad,
why have you got your uniform on?

Do you have to go back?

No, love.

And let's get one thing straight.

I am not, and have never been part
of Her Majesty's armed forces.

Your dad lied to you!

Every night you were praying,
hoping I'd come back?

I was always here,
only one bus ride away!

Take my advice: don't believe
a word he tells you, ever again!

He's full of it.

Is that it, then?
You just drop a bomb and walk off?

Combat references. How appropriate.

You're a cunt.

Hey, you're all still alive!

Her up the road's got three dead.
Go and call her a cunt!

I thought the job was over
once you'd pulled your dick out?

You're repulsive.

You're fucking disgusting!

You gave me nothing!

What the fuck do you want?

Ever since you arrived,
you've been sorry for yourself,

desperation oozing out
of every insignificant,

under-achieving little pore!

[thud]

I did give you something.

I gave you fucking freedom
and you can't even use it

because everything you do, every decision
you make is about me, isn't it?

You carry me up here.

Yeah, keep fucking walking.

I'm with you every single step!

[indistinct talk on TV]

[chuckles]

Oi, Zippy and Bungle.
Nearly did meself an injury there.

Where's your Dad?

Dunno, not here.

Lucky bastard.
I'm off to have me breakfast.

[siren wailing in distance]

[Karen] Oh, there you are.

Your breakfast's ready.

All right! Fucking coming!

Can I help you, sir?

You not got a home to go to?

Ha-ha, very funny.

Do us a pint.

Trying it out for size?

I could do without a lesson in morals
from you.

It's been a hard night, OK?

If it looks like a tramp
and smells like a tramp.

I don't want to talk about it.

Well, then why are you hammering
my door down at the crack of the arse?

You might not want to talk,
but you're gonna fucking listen.

Graduate of Mimi Maguire's
School of Counselling--

Look at the state of you, Lip!

You've been back 48 hours
and you're a fucking mess!

I am embracing my fine heritage.

You was the one who told me to go out
and have a bit of fun.

And it looks like
you're laughing it right up.

Oh, and while you were out last night
embracing your fine heritage,

have you any idea where your daughter is?

[door shuts heavily]

Where's your dad?

He's not here. Lucky bastard.

He didn't come home.

OK, sweetheart,
you're coming back with me.

Shouldn't I stay here with her?

Come on!

Orphan Annie there ain't my problem.

No granddaughter of mine is living
in this shit tip like this any longer.

See ya!

[door closes]

If there's a lesson I can give you,
it's that men are thick as fuck.

That's how I know it must be hard,
only having your dad to talk to.

I can see why you've made
the choices you've made.

It's just that carrying on like this
isn't helping anyone.

It's not your fault, love,
having the dad you've got.

I picked this up for you.

Pretty, isn't it?

None of us wants to be a boy.

Imagine going through life being
one of those lanky streaks of piss.

Why don't we try it, eh?

See how it feels?

Do you want something?

Or is acting creepy as fuck
another one of your quirks?

Just watching a leader at work.

More afternoon drinking with Frank, is it?

You need to deal
with this Scouts business.

I'll talk to Remona,
offer to pay for any cow damage.

I meant with Saul!

He'll get over it, kids do.

He shouldn't have to get over it.

Scouts is something he wanted to do.

Before Uncle Big Balls came along
and wasted it for him.

That wasn't my intention.

You made him feel like a twat
so he acted like one.

So now you and your big
swinging ball sack need to sort it.

Oh, you look gorgeous.

[inaudible]

[door opens]

Me and Katie
have been having a great time.

Take it off, love. We're going home.

Stay as you are.

I think your dad here's
a little bit confused.

You can't just stick her in a dress, Mimi.

She's not bloody Barbie!

No, she thinks she's fucking Ken.

Take the dress off!

[indistinct talk on TV]

The prodigal son trick
is to go back the once.

Law of diminishing returns with you.

We're leaving.

Oh, he's come back to tell us
he's going away.

I'm sorry. Again.

It's OK.

Don't worry.

He'll be back when the next
existential crisis hits him.

Another failure
to hang on his poor old dad.

It's Katie's communion next week.

I won't stop you coming.

Well, bear with me while I deal with
the overwhelming emotion of the moment.

Come on, sweetheart.

Oh, sloppy work, Nazir.

I could blow that one down myself.

Go, get me cows!

-You said cows?
-Now then, boys, look.

This is how it should be done.

Well, Baloo helped me.

Well done, Baloo.

[all] Well done, Baloo!

Well done to you! Well done, Baloo!

Well done to you!

[thunder rumbles]

[church bell chiming]

[people chattering]

Oh, the camera loves you.

[Mimi] State of them, they're supposed
to be marrying the baby Jesus.

Oh, will you look at that?

She's like an angel.

It's not too late
to change your mind, you know.

Well, it makes Nana happy.

That's no reason to do something
if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

[people chattering]

Grandad said we're Gallaghers,
we do it our own way.

Yeah. That's usually the bloody hard way.

Hiya, gorgeous.

Hiya, sweetheart.

-Hey, mate.
-Mwah.

You look fabulous.

[Shane] You got off lightly,
she were going to make you wear this.

[Lip] Love your shoes.

She's pretty.

Let's do it.

[indistinct talk]

[Shane] Give me something.

Frank?

He knows it's on.

You may enter the boardroom.

[Lip] Now in the 17th century,

your parents might have
handed you off to a wet nurse,

that's a woman who breastfeeds
you so your ma doesn't have to.

I mean, that's brilliant!

Spend your early years
sucking on a stranger's tits.

And meanwhile, Dad just stands there,

the spare prick at the wedding,
so to speak.

Because we never have that
same bond that mothers do.

We never carry the little ones
around inside us.

[Frank] The job's more or less finished
after you've pulled your dick out.

[Lip] Except it's not.
And that's the big secret, isn't it?

[Frank] We're terrified of our kids.

Little strangers taking over our lives.

[Lip] We don't always fuck up
because we're twats.

[Frank] It's because we don't know
what else to do.

So thank fuck for the extended family.

Well, most of 'em anyway.

[Randall] You know I need to hear it,
those three little words.

I'm here to see Remona.

Piss off, Dad.

[Randall] A little secret
between you and her?

For fuck's sake.

[Randall] I am tired of seeing her
buzzing around you like a fly on shit.

What are you doing here?

He's taken me passport.

If I'm going to get her out of here,

I need you to get him off our backs
while I do it.

He's not doing it for love, is he?

Come on, you've got a plane to catch.

You're not going anywhere.

[Jamie] ♪ Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya ♪

♪ Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya ♪

All right, Baloo?

You're not scared, are you?

Touch me and I'll cut your hands off.

[turns off]

[Remona] Sleep tight.