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1
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:06,700
Uh, we're out here
in the parking lot.
2
00:00:06,770 --> 00:00:08,470
Uh, myself
and Deputy Travis Jr.
3
00:00:08,540 --> 00:00:12,010
to demonstrate the latest
in lower body protection wear.
4
00:00:12,070 --> 00:00:14,740
Uh, of course, we're covered up
here with our Kevlar vest
5
00:00:14,810 --> 00:00:17,480
and instead of, uh,
the traditional plastic cup
6
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:19,450
this year,
the department has issued
7
00:00:19,510 --> 00:00:23,750
a brand-new, state-of-the-art,
uh, alloy-framed cup
8
00:00:23,820 --> 00:00:25,220
with a Kevlar coating.
9
00:00:25,290 --> 00:00:27,990
You're wearin' this thing
and it could stop a bullet
10
00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:30,230
it could stop a train,
a human bite, a dog bite.
11
00:00:30,290 --> 00:00:31,830
I mean, it is... Watch this.
12
00:00:31,890 --> 00:00:34,860
Aah! Aah!
13
00:00:34,930 --> 00:00:37,530
I'm not wearin' it, jackass!
14
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,700
- I thought you...
- It's in my hand!
15
00:00:39,770 --> 00:00:41,540
But didn't you have it...
16
00:00:44,070 --> 00:00:45,510
Oh!
17
00:00:52,950 --> 00:00:54,150
screech
18
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,820
(Junior)
Go, go, go!
19
00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,540
Oh! Oh! Oh!
20
00:01:27,550 --> 00:01:31,150
Finally, last order
of business today
21
00:01:31,220 --> 00:01:35,260
the answer is jalapeno poppers
22
00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:37,230
'mescal shots'
23
00:01:37,290 --> 00:01:40,560
and the no frijoles barred
taco bar
24
00:01:40,630 --> 00:01:43,030
at Tacos! Tacos! Tacos! Tacos!
tonight.
25
00:01:44,530 --> 00:01:45,730
What's the question?
26
00:01:49,470 --> 00:01:50,510
What?
27
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:53,110
Happy birthday, Garcia!
28
00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:55,310
- It's your birthday!
- Wooh!
29
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:58,750
- 'Thank you, thank you.'
- Big 7-5, huh?
30
00:01:58,810 --> 00:02:01,080
Gettin' old,
no, no, no.
31
00:02:01,150 --> 00:02:02,550
(Williams)
Save a dance for me, now.
32
00:02:02,620 --> 00:02:06,720
I would save a dance for you
and that sounds like fun
33
00:02:06,790 --> 00:02:10,960
but I have, uh, some plans
of my own for my birthday.
34
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,300
Okay, so we'll get there
a little bit early
35
00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:19,500
'cause they gotta, they gotta
get the jalapeno poppers up.
36
00:02:19,570 --> 00:02:22,640
Uh, you know, I appreciate it,
but, uh, just seriously
37
00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:26,670
this year, eh, you know,
I've got...
38
00:02:26,740 --> 00:02:28,010
Hey, rain check.
39
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,210
We not gonna beg you.
40
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,680
Oh, no, no, we'll, uh,
we'll do it, uh
41
00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:33,950
my next one...
42
00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:35,220
'No way.'
43
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,550
- Thank you.
- 'Yeah.'
44
00:02:36,620 --> 00:02:37,920
- I'm gonna...
- 'Yeah.'
45
00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:39,120
Okay.
46
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,820
He's got plans?
What?
47
00:02:42,890 --> 00:02:44,390
Uh, yeah, he got a date
with Britney Murphy.
48
00:02:44,460 --> 00:02:45,430
- 'Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.'
- What? No
49
00:02:45,490 --> 00:02:46,490
No, he doesn't have plans.
50
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,200
He's gonna jack [beep]
and watch old
51
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:49,560
Hill Street Blues episodes.
52
00:02:49,630 --> 00:02:51,870
That's what he does,
and he's gonna sob.
53
00:02:51,930 --> 00:02:52,900
He wrote somethin'
on his page.
54
00:02:52,970 --> 00:02:55,070
He wrote, uh,
happy birthday to me
55
00:02:55,140 --> 00:02:58,140
with kind of a picture
of a little octoroon.
56
00:02:58,210 --> 00:02:59,770
(Jones)
'That's supposed to be me.'
57
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:02,280
I drew a picture of a hamburger
with a sad face
58
00:03:02,340 --> 00:03:05,110
and no one saw it
as me crying for help.
59
00:03:13,220 --> 00:03:15,320
- Sheriff's department!
- Sheriff's department!
60
00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:16,320
Frisbee!
61
00:03:16,390 --> 00:03:17,890
(Garcia)
'Chandler, Ross, Joey'
62
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,130
'Oliver, Greg,
get in the house!'
63
00:03:20,190 --> 00:03:22,300
'Get in the house!'
64
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,470
(Garcia)
'How are we doin' today?
How are we doin'?'
65
00:03:24,530 --> 00:03:26,600
We got a call down there
at the department
66
00:03:26,670 --> 00:03:29,170
uh, some, uh, aircraft
67
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,610
takin' off from, uh,
Reno airport's been receivin'
68
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:34,940
some, uh, fire,
some, uh, bullet rounds.
69
00:03:35,010 --> 00:03:36,710
(Frisbee)
'What airline was it?'
70
00:03:36,780 --> 00:03:38,410
(Garcia)
Uh...
71
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,620
Doesn't really matter, Frisbee,
honestly...
72
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,020
I don't shoot at airlines.
Alien aircraft.
73
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:45,350
(Garcia)
'You only shoot at
alien aircraft?'
74
00:03:45,420 --> 00:03:48,390
What I think is alien aircraft,
ET stuff.
75
00:03:48,460 --> 00:03:49,690
(Garcia)
Uh-huh, how would you
distinguish that
76
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:52,090
from regular aircraft?
77
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,860
It's got aliens in it.
78
00:03:53,930 --> 00:03:56,900
What if you start [beep]
spirits, uh, aircraft?
79
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,670
What if they were just, you
know, doin', a little, uh
80
00:03:59,730 --> 00:04:02,300
drive by and you start, uh,
takin' shots at 'em
81
00:04:02,370 --> 00:04:04,140
'and suddenly, holy [beep]'
82
00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:06,840
we just took a first shot
at an alien spacecraft?
83
00:04:06,910 --> 00:04:08,540
That's a good question.
What's your name?
84
00:04:08,610 --> 00:04:09,540
- 'Travis, Travis Jr.'
- Travis.
85
00:04:09,610 --> 00:04:11,580
Travis, that's a good question.
86
00:04:11,650 --> 00:04:12,910
Thank you.
87
00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:15,480
- I like your look.
- I like your, uh, lifestyle.
88
00:04:15,550 --> 00:04:16,880
(Frisbee)
'Thanks a lot.'
89
00:04:16,950 --> 00:04:21,490
Got a nice house, got a good,
good wife, second cousin.
90
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,220
- 'How you doin', ma'am?'
- Hi, I'm good, thanks.
91
00:04:23,290 --> 00:04:26,160
If we were to look,
say, for example
92
00:04:26,230 --> 00:04:27,900
'in that bunker
that you covered with tarp'
93
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,130
'right before we came over...'
94
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:30,730
I ain't been in there
for so long
95
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,100
I have not,
I haven't been over there--
96
00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:34,070
You never make it
to this corner of the yard.
97
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:36,740
- That's not even ours.
- This is not yours?
98
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,040
- Oh... Honey, is that ours?
- Shut up!
99
00:04:39,110 --> 00:04:41,310
- I'm sorry.
- 'Oh.'
100
00:04:41,380 --> 00:04:43,750
- Oh, ho ho ho ho!
- Oh, my lord!
101
00:04:46,410 --> 00:04:49,250
(Garcia)
'Wow! Oh, Frisbee!'
102
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:50,950
(Frisbee)
'Yeah, I got this
at a yard sale.'
103
00:04:51,020 --> 00:04:53,090
What? [beep].
I never find [beep].
104
00:04:53,150 --> 00:04:54,320
(Jones)
'You got a bargain too.'
105
00:04:54,390 --> 00:04:55,720
You're just shootin'
at these cans right there?
106
00:04:55,790 --> 00:04:57,060
'That and the oranges.'
107
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,230
- Alright, so just cock her up.
- 'Just hug up to it.'
108
00:04:59,290 --> 00:05:00,960
Alright, put the hand
underneath. Here we go.
109
00:05:01,030 --> 00:05:02,400
- Whoo-hoo!
- Feed and bleed!
110
00:05:02,460 --> 00:05:04,430
- Alright, here we go.
- Let it feed and bleed!
111
00:05:05,830 --> 00:05:07,970
- 'Oh!'
- 'That's it!'
112
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,680
That was pretty [beep] cool.
113
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,020
- Can I do it next?
- Sure, go ahead.
114
00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:35,160
Yes, I'm 90% sure
my house is haunted.
115
00:05:35,230 --> 00:05:37,400
- 'Hey, there, Kimball!'
- Ey, how ya doin'?
116
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:40,370
Turns out a guy killed himself
in the back of my garage.
117
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,500
'His name was Timmy.'
118
00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:46,340
- Hey, poppy! Oh, my gosh!
- Good to see you.
119
00:05:46,410 --> 00:05:48,280
- Get out, let me look at you.
- Just look at you!
120
00:05:48,340 --> 00:05:50,980
- Oh.
- Let me just turn you around.
121
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:53,610
- Oh. Look at me.
- Wooh!
122
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:54,920
- You are... Oh!
- You like them?
123
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,880
- I just got them.
- Put out the fire!
124
00:05:56,950 --> 00:06:00,250
- Woo-hoo!
- Put out the fire.
125
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:01,620
He has a secret girlfriend.
126
00:06:01,690 --> 00:06:02,790
(Garcia)
Oh, you like that.
127
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:05,030
- I like when you like that.
- Muah!
128
00:06:05,090 --> 00:06:07,060
- I made arroz con pollo.
- Chicken and rice?
129
00:06:07,130 --> 00:06:08,830
- I did, I did.
- 'Oh, good!'
130
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:10,470
Who is that lady,
why is he hiding her?
131
00:06:10,530 --> 00:06:11,800
(Jones)
'He blew us off.'
132
00:06:11,870 --> 00:06:13,800
Why does he have
a secret lady?
133
00:06:13,870 --> 00:06:15,300
Who's the secret lady?
134
00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:16,400
'Cause there's somethin' wrong
with her.
135
00:06:16,470 --> 00:06:18,740
- Obviously.
- 'Obviously.'
136
00:06:18,810 --> 00:06:21,380
- That's a dude.
- Think it's a dude?
137
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,110
- Let's find out what we can.
- I'm dumbfounded.
138
00:06:30,150 --> 00:06:31,420
I haven't met
Garcia's girlfriend.
139
00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:33,220
I don't think anybody has
140
00:06:33,290 --> 00:06:37,130
but my feeling is anyone
that keeps...
141
00:06:37,190 --> 00:06:39,660
...that keeps him busy and keeps
him from jerking [beep]
142
00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:41,660
in the evidence locker
is a good thing.
143
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:47,400
- That little...[beep]
- Mexican!
144
00:06:48,270 --> 00:06:51,840
That little Mexican...
145
00:06:51,910 --> 00:06:53,840
...jumping bean...
146
00:06:53,910 --> 00:06:57,410
To be hiding like this...
147
00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,750
...seemingly
normal-looking woman
148
00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:01,250
that is weird.
149
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:04,490
That is weird, 'cause remember
that fat chick he was dating?
150
00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:07,460
He strutted her around
like his prized piglet.
151
00:07:10,420 --> 00:07:11,930
222, Virginia, right here.
152
00:07:11,990 --> 00:07:13,630
There they are. Let's go.
153
00:07:13,690 --> 00:07:15,700
(Dangle)
'Stealth mode, stealth mode.'
154
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:16,800
(Travis)
'What's that mean,
like duckin'?'
155
00:07:16,860 --> 00:07:19,830
(Dangle)
Yes. Duck.
Stealth mode means duck.
156
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,340
Okay. Okay, gang.
157
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,300
My God. Look.
Look, look, look, look.
158
00:07:23,370 --> 00:07:24,840
'Look what they doin'.'
159
00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:26,840
- 'Oh, come on!'
- 'Oh, look.'
160
00:07:26,910 --> 00:07:28,610
- 'That's a wedding cake?'
- 'A wedding cake.'
161
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:29,840
(Dangle)
'That's a wedding cake.'
162
00:07:29,910 --> 00:07:31,710
'Two tiers, two tiers,
mother[beep].'
163
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:33,250
(Travis)
He's marryin' that woman?
164
00:07:33,310 --> 00:07:35,780
She's marryin' him?
That's the question.
165
00:07:35,850 --> 00:07:37,990
Have you been runnin' stats
on this skank all morning?
166
00:07:38,050 --> 00:07:40,590
- Yep.
- Nothin'.
167
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:42,560
Not escaped
from a mental institution
168
00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:44,660
no prior arrests, clean credit.
169
00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:46,330
Morning, people! Wow!
170
00:07:46,390 --> 00:07:49,800
What a surprise to see you
all here where I am!
171
00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:53,100
How did that happen, Dangle?
Huh?
172
00:07:53,170 --> 00:07:56,440
Let's go see what Garcia's doin'
today on his day off
173
00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:58,610
'cause we don't have
work to do!
174
00:07:58,670 --> 00:08:02,610
No! We gotta
follow Garcia around!
175
00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,580
- Oh, my goodness!
- 'This is Maria.'
176
00:08:05,650 --> 00:08:07,720
Is this a surprise?
177
00:08:07,780 --> 00:08:10,450
- 'Surprise.'
- Oh!
178
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,050
- Oh, my God!
- Yes, honey.
179
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,360
Hello! Oh, my goodness!
180
00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:18,090
Welcome to the family!
181
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,360
This is Maria.
Fun surprise.
182
00:08:19,430 --> 00:08:21,730
Please tell me you all
are coming to the wedding.
183
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,470
Please tell me yes...
184
00:08:24,530 --> 00:08:26,530
We didn't get an invitation.
185
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,470
We don't have a date yet.
We don't have a date.
186
00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:32,270
No need to send out invitations
or let anybody know yet.
187
00:08:32,340 --> 00:08:33,670
Listen, I already
picked out the cake.
188
00:08:33,740 --> 00:08:35,110
You did it without me.
Good for you.
189
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:36,310
We're gonna get the invitations
190
00:08:36,380 --> 00:08:39,850
and all you guys,
please be there, okay? Muah!
191
00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:43,050
I love you guys! I love you.
I'll go get the car, okay?
192
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,850
Hey, she's wonderful.
Why are you embarrassed of her?
193
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,720
I'm not embarrassed of her,
I'm embarrassed of you.
194
00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:51,460
'I work with seven trolls!'
195
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:54,660
Snow White and the seven idiots!
Look at y'all!
196
00:08:54,730 --> 00:08:55,730
Well, you would think that
197
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,570
you would just
shut up right now!
198
00:08:57,630 --> 00:08:59,770
I'm sick of it!
199
00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:02,900
Have a good day...spyin'!
200
00:09:02,970 --> 00:09:05,410
Come on, poppy!
201
00:09:05,470 --> 00:09:07,240
Bye!
202
00:09:07,310 --> 00:09:10,240
- Bye.
- Nice finally meetin' ya.
203
00:09:15,350 --> 00:09:17,290
- I feel like [beep].
- Yeah.
204
00:09:19,220 --> 00:09:20,620
We should still
follow him, right?
205
00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:21,790
I got one of her hairs.
206
00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:23,860
I got one of hairs
when she hugged me.
207
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:25,890
(Travis)
'Wait, wait, you guys,
go in there, find out'
208
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,530
where they're deliverin'
the cake to.
209
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,460
- Buy some hats if you got to!
- Come on. Let's go!
210
00:09:29,530 --> 00:09:31,170
- Every thirty minutes.
- 'Move!'
211
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:39,510
We take you now live
for a statement
212
00:09:39,570 --> 00:09:42,140
from a representative for
the Reno Sheriff's Department.
213
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,850
I'm nervous. I never done
one of these before.
214
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,520
I mean, they tell you when
215
00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:54,190
like, they say action
or somethin', right?
216
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,290
What?
217
00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,290
Do they say action
when you're on?
218
00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:00,960
Yeah, you're supposed
to hear somethin'.
219
00:10:01,030 --> 00:10:03,730
Do...I have a booger?
220
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,470
A little bit of one.
221
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,540
Hey...
222
00:10:14,610 --> 00:10:16,440
Can you do me a favor?
223
00:10:16,510 --> 00:10:19,780
Can you see, uh,
can you see my pad?
224
00:10:19,850 --> 00:10:22,520
I can totally
see your pad.
225
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:25,650
It's like way,
it's like way up here.
226
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:27,320
You're supposed to
put it in the front.
227
00:10:27,390 --> 00:10:28,990
(man whispering)
'Hey! You're on the air!'
228
00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:31,690
- It looks like...
- 'You're on the air.'
229
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,390
Well, wait, I can't
tell if that's your pad
230
00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:34,430
or the seam
of your pants.
231
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:35,430
Hello.
232
00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:42,700
(Dangle)
'Got a call that somebody's been
givin', uh, tug jobs'
233
00:10:42,770 --> 00:10:44,010
'here in the restroom'
234
00:10:44,070 --> 00:10:48,080
'of Tacos! Tacos! Tacos! Tacos!
235
00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:50,380
- Sheriff's department!
- Sheriff's department!
236
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,480
(male #1)
'What? Hello?'
237
00:10:53,550 --> 00:10:55,050
- Is that you, Terry?
- Terry?
238
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:56,620
(Terry)
'Yes, it's me, I have diarrhea!
It's bad!'
239
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:58,650
Get out of the bathroom, Terry!
Get on outta here!
240
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,450
'I have bad diarrhea.'
241
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,390
You alone in there, Terry?
242
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:06,130
Alright. Stop.
243
00:11:06,190 --> 00:11:07,860
Shh!
244
00:11:07,930 --> 00:11:09,200
- Who were you shushing?
- What?
245
00:11:09,260 --> 00:11:10,600
- Who were you shushing?
- Nobody. I didn't shush.
246
00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:12,300
Have you been givin'
tug jobs in the bathroom?
247
00:11:12,370 --> 00:11:13,930
No! Why would I do that?
248
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,370
I would never do
something like that.
249
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,910
First of all,
I have a girlfriend
250
00:11:17,970 --> 00:11:19,040
who I love very much.
251
00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:22,110
- Her name is...
- Michelle.
252
00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:24,510
Michelle?
What's she look like?
253
00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:26,680
- She's, uh, super-tall.
- Uh-huh.
254
00:11:26,750 --> 00:11:29,180
- And she's got...sweet boobs.
- How tall?
255
00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:30,950
Uh-huh.
256
00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:32,790
I always knew you were a sweet
booby man, Terry.
257
00:11:32,850 --> 00:11:34,590
- I put my wiener on 'em.
- Yeah?
258
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:36,290
- Yep. That's true.
- You did?
259
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:40,530
Terry, the good people here
at Tacos! Tacos! Tacos! Tacos!
260
00:11:40,590 --> 00:11:42,260
have agreed to...
261
00:11:42,330 --> 00:11:43,430
- Sh-sh.
- okay, sir...
262
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,700
I don't... Who's that?
263
00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:47,000
- Who is that?
- Come on, come here.
264
00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:48,570
(Terry)
'Who are you? Oh, my God!'
265
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,140
(Travis)
'Stay where you are,
stay where you are.'
266
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,740
- Who is that guy?
- Keep talkin', Terry.
267
00:11:53,810 --> 00:11:56,180
- You've never seen him before?
- I've never seen him before.
268
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:59,380
- What the [beep], Terry?
- What?
269
00:11:59,450 --> 00:12:00,920
These are good people
at Tacos! Tacos! Tacos! Tacos!
270
00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:02,120
I didn't know!
271
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,550
They did not
have to take a felon!
272
00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:06,820
- That's what I said.
- I'm not...
273
00:12:06,890 --> 00:12:09,420
Oh, the drama.
The [beep] drama!
274
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:13,690
We're not goin'
with the waterworks.
275
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:15,300
- Stay where you are.
- Stay where you are.
276
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,700
gonna talk to this
to son of a bitch.
277
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:21,470
Terry, Terry,
you had a chance to start over.
278
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:25,340
Not a lot of people get a chance
to start over, but you got...
279
00:12:26,110 --> 00:12:28,140
What?
280
00:12:28,210 --> 00:12:30,180
- What?
- Two dollars a tug job.
281
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,780
[beep] Terry, two dollars?
282
00:12:32,850 --> 00:12:35,050
'Terry, I'd like to
direct your attention.'
283
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,320
"The burger special...
The Tacos, Tacos, Tacos
284
00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:40,190
burger special, 4-0-9!"
285
00:12:40,250 --> 00:12:41,920
First of all
286
00:12:41,990 --> 00:12:44,960
a tug job doesn't come
with fries or a soda.
287
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:53,430
- Open up, ladies!
- 'Aah!'
288
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:56,770
- I ordered a male.
- You got me, huh?
289
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,140
Back up, blondie.
290
00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:02,640
Ladies, you bein'
way too loud, alright?
291
00:13:02,710 --> 00:13:04,410
All this hollerin'
and screamin'
292
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,880
and carryin' on...
You the bride?
293
00:13:06,950 --> 00:13:09,680
''Cause you gettin' married.'
294
00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,790
That's nothin' to celebrate.
295
00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:14,560
Let me tell you somethin',
honey, I been where you at.
296
00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:15,890
I been where you at.
297
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:17,360
All wantin' to get married.
298
00:13:17,420 --> 00:13:19,090
All tryin' to have a man.
299
00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:22,500
Skinny! Girl, I used to,
could hula hoop with a cheerio!
300
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:26,400
One husband and four babies
later, what? Bam!
301
00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:30,470
Look at it!
This is your destiny!
302
00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:33,610
'I sit on your
destiny every day.'
303
00:13:33,670 --> 00:13:36,210
Y'all don't even want me
to unbutton my shirt
304
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:37,650
and show you my stomach.
305
00:13:37,710 --> 00:13:39,710
Where them stretch marks
all ran across
306
00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:42,420
so they look like
railroad tracks!
307
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,250
Congratulations, girl!
308
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,920
Whoo-whoo-whoo!
309
00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:47,020
Come on, Joe.
310
00:13:47,090 --> 00:13:49,160
Have a good time, ladies!
311
00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:51,460
Don't drink too much!
312
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,130
Somebody had to do it.
313
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,430
I walk in the truth.
314
00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:03,700
I love roller skating.
We gotta do it again.
315
00:14:03,770 --> 00:14:04,740
- Let's do it again.
- Okay!
316
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:05,940
- Okay, I love you.
- I love you.
317
00:14:06,010 --> 00:14:06,970
- Be careful, okay?
- Okay.
318
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,040
- Mwah!
- Mwah!
319
00:14:08,110 --> 00:14:09,080
- Okay.
- Have a good night's sleep.
320
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,410
- Okay?
- I will.
321
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,180
- 'Tomorrow, breakfast?'
- You be good, now.
322
00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:13,450
- 'Okay.'
- Tomorrow, breakfast.
323
00:14:19,350 --> 00:14:22,420
Damn, girl, you lookin' fine!
324
00:14:22,490 --> 00:14:23,760
I brought you something.
325
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:26,390
Oh, my God,
they're so beautiful.
326
00:14:26,460 --> 00:14:27,460
Oh, I missed you.
327
00:14:27,530 --> 00:14:28,760
That's what I thought.
328
00:14:28,830 --> 00:14:30,970
My gosh, I've been
thinking about you all night.
329
00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,370
Where do you want to
go tonight?
330
00:14:32,430 --> 00:14:35,300
Wherever you want to
take me, papi.
331
00:14:35,370 --> 00:14:36,740
"Wherever you want to
take me, papi?"
332
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,440
- You hear that?
- [bleep].
333
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:39,440
Tail him. Tail him.
334
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:51,020
You must be out shopping
getting ready to celebrate
335
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:52,750
New Year's Eve, I'll bet.
336
00:14:52,820 --> 00:14:55,920
I've been running around
like crazy buying champagne
337
00:14:55,990 --> 00:15:00,490
caviar, and lots
and lots of ammunition
338
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,900
to shoot my guns
in the air
339
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,500
when that clock
hits midnight.
340
00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:07,430
Sounds like fun.
341
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:09,870
But why don't you,
do like me and Wayne
342
00:15:09,940 --> 00:15:12,170
and switch to Police Tek?
343
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:16,280
Two thousand blanks
instead of bullets?
344
00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:18,310
Blanks, huh?
Well last year
345
00:15:18,380 --> 00:15:22,520
one of the guys at my
party did get killed.
346
00:15:22,580 --> 00:15:23,880
Maybe you're right.
347
00:15:23,950 --> 00:15:27,490
I think I will switch
to Police Tek 2000.
348
00:15:27,550 --> 00:15:29,790
New year's Eve blanks.
349
00:15:29,860 --> 00:15:32,230
Happy new year, Ron!
350
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:38,030
Easy, easy.
351
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:40,770
Stay back, stay back, stay back.
352
00:15:40,830 --> 00:15:43,840
- 'She's gettin' off.'
- I'm so sore! Ha-ha-ha.
353
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:47,010
Ohh! You wear me out.
354
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:49,210
- 'I'll bet you he does.'
- 'Yeah, well...'
355
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:53,210
I love to ride with you,
you know that?
356
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,550
(Jim)
'Man, this would kill...'
357
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:56,580
Let's just shoot him
right now.
358
00:15:56,650 --> 00:15:58,120
No, no, no.
We can't shoot him right now.
359
00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:59,250
We can't shoot him
right here.
360
00:16:02,690 --> 00:16:03,760
She's movin'?
361
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:06,860
Move, son of a bitch.
362
00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:09,000
- Let's go.
- Ready? Hit it.
363
00:16:09,060 --> 00:16:10,200
[police siren blaring]
There we go.
364
00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:11,700
- Alright.
- Yep.
365
00:16:11,770 --> 00:16:14,400
(Jim)
'Pull it in the alley.'
366
00:16:14,470 --> 00:16:15,540
'Yeah, you on the bike.'
367
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,240
Need you to make that turn
into the south
368
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:18,770
'and I need you to pull over.'
369
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,480
- How you doin' tonight, sir?
- Okay.
370
00:16:23,540 --> 00:16:26,080
- Where's the fire, casanova?
- I don't do nothing--
371
00:16:26,150 --> 00:16:28,850
- I-I driving--
- Who's the girl?
372
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,920
- The girl!
- Maria! That's my girlfriend.
373
00:16:30,980 --> 00:16:31,950
- Oh!
- Your girlfriend?
374
00:16:32,020 --> 00:16:33,450
- Yes!
- Wrong!
375
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,890
Maria's already
got a man, bucko!
376
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,290
- No, she doesn't.
- Yes, she do!
377
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,360
And he is one
of our very best friends!
378
00:16:39,430 --> 00:16:41,100
- Are you sure?
- 'You got a driver's license?'
379
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:43,560
- Of course.
- Yeah.
380
00:16:43,630 --> 00:16:45,070
Amigo, I have,
I have license.
381
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,200
Double time, Julio!
382
00:16:46,270 --> 00:16:47,570
Who said you could
put your hands down?
383
00:16:47,630 --> 00:16:50,500
- 'Hands up!'
- Sorry.
384
00:16:50,570 --> 00:16:51,870
- Huh.
- Legal, see?
385
00:16:51,940 --> 00:16:54,580
Maybe you didn't hear me,
but I asked
386
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:55,740
for your driver's license.
387
00:16:55,810 --> 00:17:00,580
- Where's your driver's license?
- Oh! Two points!
388
00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:02,450
Oh, my, Goodness!
389
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:03,650
Why you hit my bike, man?
390
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:04,820
Missin' your
taillight back there.
391
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:06,790
You stay away from Maria!
392
00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:08,260
I don't want to see you
in Reno!
393
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,460
I don't even want to see you
in Nevada, you hear me?
394
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:11,590
- Okay!
- Huh?
395
00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:12,830
- Yeah, yeah!
- You hear now, don't ya?
396
00:17:12,890 --> 00:17:14,660
- California's that way!
- Get goin'!
397
00:17:14,730 --> 00:17:15,860
- Amigo!
- Get goin'!
398
00:17:15,930 --> 00:17:16,930
- Go.
- Get goin'!
399
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:17,970
- Go.
- Get goin'!
400
00:17:18,030 --> 00:17:20,300
[gunshot]
Get goin'!
401
00:17:20,370 --> 00:17:23,100
'We're gonna fill
your pendejo ass with lead!'
402
00:17:23,170 --> 00:17:24,670
[laughing]
That was really good!
403
00:17:24,740 --> 00:17:26,140
Really good, guys, really good.
404
00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:28,340
- You scary sons of bitches!
- Good work, good work.
405
00:17:28,410 --> 00:17:30,380
Like, my adrenaline
is all going and everything.
406
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:31,650
- That was great.
- Oh, wow.
407
00:17:31,710 --> 00:17:32,710
Oh, man.
408
00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:34,680
I feel good that
we did that for Garcia.
409
00:17:34,750 --> 00:17:37,080
I still missed.
410
00:17:37,150 --> 00:17:40,090
We'll never tell him.
Never tell Garcia, okay?
411
00:17:40,150 --> 00:17:41,890
No, no, it's better if
he just doesn't know.
412
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,360
- Better if he doesn't know.
- 'Yeah, it'll break his heart.'
413
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:45,690
- 'I feel wonderful.'
- 'Good work.'
414
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:46,790
(Jim)
'I feel like a--'
415
00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:48,500
We did a good thing,
for a change.
416
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,230
She is the best thing
that ever happened to him
417
00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:51,630
and she's still happenin'.
418
00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:52,800
Nice work, fellas.
419
00:17:52,870 --> 00:17:56,440
I feel like, I feel like
Mary Poppins or somethin'.
420
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:08,220
Oh, Craig, these conjugal
visits are so wonderful.
421
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:11,450
- This hurt?
- Yeah, a little bit.
422
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:12,850
Ow.
423
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,190
You seem, you seem
a little uptight today.
424
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,890
Are you nervous
about something?
425
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,590
[whispering]
I just feel a little bit
awkward with him here.
426
00:18:20,660 --> 00:18:23,760
Oh, no, don't worry about...
No, this is Car-wash.
427
00:18:23,830 --> 00:18:25,400
Everyone calls him Carwash.
428
00:18:25,470 --> 00:18:27,330
I'm not sure
what his real name is
429
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,400
but, uh, he's totally
cool with this.
430
00:18:30,470 --> 00:18:33,210
- I understand.
- I mean, this...
431
00:18:33,270 --> 00:18:35,480
No, it's fine.
I mean, it's...
432
00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:36,580
Let me talk to him.
433
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,050
[whispering]
Okay.
434
00:18:38,110 --> 00:18:42,220
Listen, the old ball
and-chain here is...
435
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,590
She's a little
uncomfortable with this.
436
00:18:44,650 --> 00:18:46,490
Maybe if you just sort of
437
00:18:46,550 --> 00:18:49,260
you know, just look in that
direction a little bit
438
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:50,990
just don't make it
too obvious.
439
00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:52,960
Okay, I can hear you.
440
00:18:53,030 --> 00:18:55,630
Well, just so you know,
just to warn you in advance
441
00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:58,870
I have a rash,
so it's gonna look weird
442
00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:02,440
but it's not anything
to be alarmed about.
443
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:03,870
- Alright?
- I'm cool.
444
00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:06,140
- Could you point that at us?
- No, I'm not gonna do that.
445
00:19:06,210 --> 00:19:07,740
- That's...
- Okay. You know checkin'...
446
00:19:07,810 --> 00:19:08,840
That's not professional.
447
00:19:08,910 --> 00:19:10,110
- Yeah.
- That's all.
448
00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:13,450
Add a little spice to it.
449
00:19:13,510 --> 00:19:15,380
We can't hit you with
this, right? Cause--
450
00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:18,920
- Absolutely not.
- Okay, that's understandable.
451
00:19:27,260 --> 00:19:32,100
So try to print a little neater
on the evidence bags, okay?
452
00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:33,800
It was three hours,
three hours I spent
453
00:19:33,870 --> 00:19:34,800
trying to figure out what
454
00:19:34,870 --> 00:19:37,970
"Public dander" would be.
455
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:39,370
"Pubic dander" is what it was.
456
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:40,940
Write legibly
on the envelopes.
457
00:19:41,010 --> 00:19:42,140
Pubic hair has dander?
458
00:19:42,210 --> 00:19:44,910
It saves me
a lot of time, okay?
459
00:19:44,980 --> 00:19:46,210
No wonder my allergies
are so bad.
460
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,950
Hey, good mornin'.
You're late.
461
00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:50,280
What's the matter?
462
00:19:50,350 --> 00:19:53,090
Oh, it's just been
a long night.
463
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:56,160
The reason why I'm late...
464
00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:59,490
is I have been up all night.
465
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,700
My sister Maria
466
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,830
'whom you all met yesterday'
467
00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:10,540
'is no longer going to be
getting married.'
468
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,210
Her fiance suddenly
469
00:20:13,270 --> 00:20:15,980
decided to leave town
470
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,880
without notice
or phone call...
471
00:20:20,810 --> 00:20:22,450
He's gone.
472
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:27,290
She is completely devastated,
as am I.
473
00:20:27,350 --> 00:20:31,330
And if it's okay,
I would like to request
474
00:20:31,390 --> 00:20:32,860
a little time to go
and spend with her.
475
00:20:32,930 --> 00:20:33,990
I'm a little worried,
because she's...
476
00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:35,330
- 'Yeah.'
- Yeah, go ahead.
477
00:20:37,830 --> 00:20:41,000
- I'll call in.
- 'Don't worry about it.'
478
00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:49,210
I kind of feel
like this
479
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:50,940
is a little bit our fault.
480
00:20:52,450 --> 00:20:53,450
No.
481
00:20:53,510 --> 00:20:54,780
Actually, I don't blame myself.
482
00:20:54,850 --> 00:20:56,950
- I blame you.
- You blame me?
483
00:20:57,020 --> 00:20:57,990
Yeah.
484
00:21:05,090 --> 00:21:08,100
They can hear you in
the detective division upstairs.
485
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,800
- Only if you do it loud.
- 'Loud.'
486
00:21:10,860 --> 00:21:12,870
Loud and angry.
487
00:21:12,930 --> 00:21:16,240
I'm-I'm sorry, this is,
the people who heard
488
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:18,010
and have it guessed
as to who it is
489
00:21:18,070 --> 00:21:19,610
is the detective division.
490
00:21:19,670 --> 00:21:21,380
Do they have hard evidence?
491
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,740
- I don't think so.
- You're thinkin' soft evidence.
492
00:21:23,810 --> 00:21:25,810
I think it's only
about an inch of evidence.
493
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,080
Yes, it's uncircumsta...
Ah, [bleep] it.
494
00:21:28,150 --> 00:21:29,220
Substantial. Never mind.
495
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:30,280
- 'Stop jackin' [bleep].'
- It ain't me.
34095
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