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1
00:00:05,170 --> 00:00:07,200
(female on PA)
'The white zone
is for immediate loading'
2
00:00:07,270 --> 00:00:09,170
'and unloading
of passengers only.'
3
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:10,710
Got a fellow
in the hospital here
4
00:00:10,770 --> 00:00:13,880
waiting for a liver transplant.
5
00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:16,410
Organ should be arriving
at any moment.
6
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:17,850
Come on, come on.
7
00:00:17,910 --> 00:00:19,550
Ah! Whoa! Here we go.
8
00:00:19,610 --> 00:00:22,120
Ho! Ho. Ho.
9
00:00:22,180 --> 00:00:23,950
- Okay, I got it. Trudy.
- Yeah.
10
00:00:24,020 --> 00:00:25,390
You stay and fill out
the paperwork.
11
00:00:25,450 --> 00:00:27,990
No, Jim,
I'd like to handle this.
12
00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:29,720
I-I know exactly
what to do, Jim.
13
00:00:29,790 --> 00:00:31,090
- Go to St. Mary's hospital.
- Check.
14
00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:32,590
Go to the fourth floor, ICU
15
00:00:32,660 --> 00:00:34,030
ask for Dr. Peterson
16
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,630
tell him we have
an O-positive liver
17
00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:37,900
and we need
to get it there, stat.
18
00:00:37,970 --> 00:00:39,570
My, God. That was great. Go!
19
00:00:39,630 --> 00:00:40,940
- Go with God. Go!
- I can do it.
20
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,240
I'll do the paperwork.
21
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:43,740
Okay, she's on it, guys.
22
00:00:44,710 --> 00:00:47,240
Well done, gentlemen.
23
00:00:47,310 --> 00:00:49,510
(female on PA)
'The white zone
is for immediate loading'
24
00:00:49,580 --> 00:00:52,480
'and unloading of passengers.'
25
00:00:52,550 --> 00:00:54,050
Oh [bleep].
26
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,120
(Trudy)
'Jim, I'm sorry.'
27
00:00:58,190 --> 00:01:00,990
I forgot everything I just said.
28
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:03,590
Whoa!
29
00:01:06,730 --> 00:01:09,200
- What?
- No, no. Oh!
30
00:01:11,470 --> 00:01:12,630
Whoa!
31
00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:16,740
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
32
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:35,720
- Hey, what... Oh!
- Oh! Oh! Oh!
33
00:01:45,970 --> 00:01:47,240
- 'Morning, gang.'
- 'Ho.'
34
00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:48,770
Morning.
35
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,670
(Dangle)
'Everybody sounds fit
as a fiddle this morning.'
36
00:01:50,740 --> 00:01:52,670
Travis, you had an announcement
you had to make or something?
37
00:01:52,740 --> 00:01:56,710
I did. Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls...
38
00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:02,280
Monkey [bleep].
39
00:02:03,180 --> 00:02:04,820
'Straight from the Orient.'
40
00:02:04,890 --> 00:02:06,690
Oh, I heard about that.
41
00:02:06,750 --> 00:02:08,560
What are we supposed
to do with that?
42
00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:10,260
- Where'd you get that?
- 'Why do you have that?'
43
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,530
Start the biddin' at $35.
44
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,430
What am I gonna do
with monkey [bleep]?
45
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:16,060
- Thirty-seven.
- 'Thirty-seven.'
46
00:02:16,130 --> 00:02:18,130
Uh, the end of the table
seems to know what it does.
47
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,800
What are the applications
of monkey [bleep]?
48
00:02:20,870 --> 00:02:22,440
- 'Thirty-eight.'
- Thirty-eight.
49
00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:23,470
(Dangle)
'They must be good.'
50
00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:24,470
- 'Forty-one.'
- Oh, hell.
51
00:02:24,540 --> 00:02:25,610
Forty-two. What does it do?
52
00:02:25,670 --> 00:02:27,710
- Forty-four.
- Fifty. What does it do?
53
00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:29,710
- Is it like, for wrinkles?
- 'Sixty.'
54
00:02:29,780 --> 00:02:31,250
- 'Sixty-one. What does it do?'
- 'No.'
55
00:02:31,310 --> 00:02:32,850
- No!
- 'Seventy-five.'
56
00:02:32,910 --> 00:02:34,020
(Clementine)
'Do not just stick things'
57
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:35,350
'in your mouth.'
58
00:02:35,420 --> 00:02:36,720
(Dangle)
'What we at? What does it do?'
59
00:02:36,780 --> 00:02:38,320
- We're at 75.
- We're at 75?
60
00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:40,620
- It's still warm.
- That was from my pocket.
61
00:02:40,690 --> 00:02:42,590
- No, I got it mail order.
- 'Oh...'
62
00:02:42,660 --> 00:02:45,490
How do you know that's authentic
and not fake monkey [bleep]?
63
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:46,790
Oh, that's [bleep].
You know that.
64
00:02:46,860 --> 00:02:48,160
- 'Two hundred dollars!'
- 'Two hundred.'
65
00:02:48,230 --> 00:02:50,030
- [bleep] Two twenty-five.
- Two twenty-five.
66
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,700
(Clementine)
'Two fifty. What does it do?'
67
00:02:51,770 --> 00:02:52,970
- Three hundred.
- Three-o-one.
68
00:02:53,030 --> 00:02:54,100
- Can I get--
- Three-o-one?
69
00:02:54,170 --> 00:02:55,600
- 'Five. 325.'
- Three twenty-five.
70
00:02:55,670 --> 00:02:57,070
- Three fifty.
- 'Three fifty.'
71
00:02:57,140 --> 00:02:58,370
- 'Where'd you get it?'
- 'Three seventy-five.'
72
00:02:58,440 --> 00:02:59,810
- Mail order.
- 'Three seventy-five.'
73
00:02:59,870 --> 00:03:02,240
- Big Korean section manager.
- Three eighty-five.
74
00:03:02,310 --> 00:03:04,180
- 'Three eighty-two.'
- Three eighty-two.
75
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,980
- Three eighty-two, goin' once.
- Three eighty-five.
76
00:03:06,050 --> 00:03:07,920
Three eighty-seven. What is it?
77
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,950
- Four-o-one-ninty-nine.
- Four-o-two.
78
00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:12,050
The price is right
for this [bleep].
79
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,860
- Four-o-two. Goin' once.
- 'That's week and a half...'
80
00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:16,160
- That's two weeks pay.
- 'Twice.'
81
00:03:16,220 --> 00:03:18,460
[yells]
Sold! Kimball.
82
00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:20,930
You can just write me a check.
83
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,530
Okey-doke.
84
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,100
'Everybody knows that the new,
uh, Liberace box set's'
85
00:03:25,170 --> 00:03:26,730
coming out, right?
86
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,100
Who?
87
00:03:28,170 --> 00:03:30,510
- Anyhoo, uh, his piano--
- I knew about it.
88
00:03:30,570 --> 00:03:34,580
Liberace's piano on tour
comin' to the Washoe Mall.
89
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:37,350
- Just the piano?
- Yeah! Wh-whoa, go back.
90
00:03:37,410 --> 00:03:38,350
"Just the piano?"
91
00:03:38,410 --> 00:03:39,880
Why isn't he with it?
92
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:43,250
- He died like 150 years ago.
- 'Yeah.'
93
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:44,790
(Garcia)
'He'd be a little stiff
at the keyboard.'
94
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,120
- He's dead?
- 'Anyhoo.'
95
00:03:46,190 --> 00:03:47,720
- Oh, me.
- You're already on it.
96
00:03:47,790 --> 00:03:48,920
- It's you and Garcia.
- 'I'm on it?'
97
00:03:48,990 --> 00:03:50,330
- Yeah.
- That's inside the mall.
98
00:03:50,390 --> 00:03:51,390
It's climate-controlled, right?
99
00:03:51,460 --> 00:03:53,030
- 'Yeah.'
- I'll do it.
100
00:03:53,090 --> 00:03:54,760
Anyhoo, moving right along.
101
00:03:54,830 --> 00:03:56,130
You know,
I hear that monkey [bleep]
102
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,200
it's very assertive.
103
00:03:58,270 --> 00:03:59,200
'You want to tell her?'
104
00:03:59,270 --> 00:04:01,340
No, seriously, what does it do?
105
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,900
Welcome to the force.
He's goofin' you. It's his.
106
00:04:02,970 --> 00:04:03,940
- Yeah, it's mine.
- 'Yeah, it's his.'
107
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:06,010
- Yeah.
- 'Whoo!'
108
00:04:06,070 --> 00:04:08,710
You've been [bleep],
by Junior, honey.
109
00:04:08,780 --> 00:04:10,080
(Jones)
'Rookie.'
110
00:04:10,140 --> 00:04:12,910
You just paid $402
for junior's [bleep].
111
00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:14,420
(Garcia)
'April [bleep].'
112
00:04:31,630 --> 00:04:34,240
- Hey, not too close. Close.
- Keep movin', now.
113
00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:43,140
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Don't touch the piano, sir!
114
00:04:43,210 --> 00:04:45,380
Sir? Oh, you can look
115
00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:47,250
but just don't lean over
the rail, okay?
116
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,620
It's funny how somethin'...
117
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,990
...with lights on it
will attract these people.
118
00:05:06,670 --> 00:05:09,170
- 'What?'
- You know you're solids, right?
119
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:10,270
- Solids?
- Yeah.
120
00:05:10,340 --> 00:05:11,940
(Trudy)
'It's made of glass?'
121
00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:17,580
No, it is made of genuine
diamonds, 2.75 karats
122
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:20,850
'14-karat gold, and you know
why he gave it to me?'
123
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,220
''Cause it's Monday.'
124
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,250
Or that's what he said.
125
00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,050
He goes, "Happy Monday."
126
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,620
And you got this
from that hot tub guy?
127
00:05:26,690 --> 00:05:29,920
The hot tub guy.
The hot tub king.
128
00:05:29,990 --> 00:05:32,260
'With four stores in Nevada.'
129
00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:34,430
Oh, yeah. I've seen his picture.
130
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:35,860
So much money,
I cannot even tell you.
131
00:05:35,930 --> 00:05:37,370
And this is someone,
this is someone
132
00:05:37,430 --> 00:05:38,800
I haven't even slept with.
133
00:05:38,870 --> 00:05:40,940
- Why don't you sleep with him?
- He's 74!
134
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,640
Oh, he doesn't have a penis?
135
00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:44,940
We have a message
for Clementine Johnson.
136
00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:51,610
♪ Oh my darling ♪
137
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,750
♪ Oh my darling ♪
138
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:58,390
♪ Oh my darling Clementine ♪
139
00:05:58,450 --> 00:06:03,190
♪ Will you please be
mine forever ♪
140
00:06:03,260 --> 00:06:08,730
♪ Marry me my Clementine ♪♪
141
00:06:12,070 --> 00:06:15,040
Hello! Barry?
142
00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:16,970
Uh, [bleep], yeah!
143
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:21,040
[bleep], yeah,
I'll marry your 74-year-old ass!
144
00:06:21,110 --> 00:06:22,810
Oh, my gosh!
145
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,180
Oh, that's-that's gotta be him.
146
00:06:26,350 --> 00:06:27,350
Hang on.
147
00:06:28,950 --> 00:06:30,220
Barry!
148
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,990
Here we go again
with her and the weddings.
149
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:37,690
- Maybe--
- Aah!
150
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:40,660
- Aah!
- Clem?
151
00:06:40,730 --> 00:06:42,500
Clemmy!
152
00:06:44,930 --> 00:06:47,030
- Oh, no!
- 'Barry, don't be dead!'
153
00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:48,940
Don't be dead, Barry!
154
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,940
- 'I got no pulse.'
- Oh, man.
155
00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:53,670
Barry, go away
from the light! Come back!
156
00:06:53,740 --> 00:06:55,040
- He's dead.
- I command you!
157
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:57,410
- Well, you came real close.
- Yeah.
158
00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,180
Why don't we, uh,
call the coroner
159
00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:02,350
get him to bring
the big wagon around here?
160
00:07:02,420 --> 00:07:04,590
Don't. No, don't, don't, don't.
161
00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:06,620
Not yet. Not yet.
162
00:07:06,690 --> 00:07:07,860
- Not yet.
- Not yet? We-we gotta.
163
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:09,220
(Junior)
'What're you thinkin' about?'
164
00:07:09,290 --> 00:07:12,830
If I stay a fiance,
this is what I keep.
165
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:15,160
I've always wanted
to be a widow.
166
00:07:16,930 --> 00:07:18,230
You help me, you help me
167
00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:19,830
'I'll help you.
You help me, I help you.'
168
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,700
- What're we talking about?
- 'What're we talking about?'
169
00:07:21,770 --> 00:07:25,110
- Hot tubs all around...
- Yes!
170
00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:26,540
- Well, what're we talking for?
- Okay, go.
171
00:07:26,610 --> 00:07:27,580
- Yeah.
- Good.
172
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,150
[laughs]
Okay, you know what?
173
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:36,850
Okay, let me tell you somethin'.
174
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,750
Okay, three times
175
00:07:38,820 --> 00:07:41,860
I wished in my head that the
176
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,590
that the, uh, piano
would play somethin' different
177
00:07:43,660 --> 00:07:45,160
and it played it.
178
00:07:45,230 --> 00:07:47,430
Ye-ah. It's on a loop.
179
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:50,500
I wish this beautiful piano
180
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:53,500
would play something romantic.
181
00:07:58,540 --> 00:08:01,010
- Did you see that?
- Uh, yeah.
182
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,150
- That piano is magic.
- 'Okay.'
183
00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:07,010
It's magic! Three ti...
No, four times now!
184
00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,650
Hey, you know what?
Hey, I got a weird thought.
185
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,890
I wish I was Wayne Newton
sittin' in the pool
186
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:14,690
by the mirage and a beautiful
woman dropped out of the sky
187
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,860
and brought me food
on a big old platter.
188
00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:20,390
You know what?
Be careful what you wish for.
189
00:08:20,460 --> 00:08:21,500
- Yeah?
- You know what I'm sayin'?
190
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:22,530
Because this pian--
191
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,200
Hi. Complimentary hot wings?
192
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,800
I'm Tammy from Hotties.
193
00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:30,500
Hey.
194
00:08:30,570 --> 00:08:32,540
We now open now on level two.
195
00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:33,880
Okay.
196
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,850
(Dangle)
One, two. Go.
197
00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:41,880
They asked you to leave
three times.
198
00:08:41,950 --> 00:08:43,280
Three times,
they asked you to leave.
199
00:08:43,350 --> 00:08:46,150
- Okay, but I have to tell you--
- I'm sorry. Come on. Jail time.
200
00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:47,150
- What, I'm--
- Here we go.
201
00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:48,190
- Ow!
- You're gonna jail.
202
00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:49,890
No, no, no. We're goin' to jail.
203
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,360
I just have to do something,
okay?
204
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:52,890
'What're you doing?
What do you have to do?'
205
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,400
I have to change my boots!
206
00:08:54,460 --> 00:08:55,760
- Don't change, okay.
- I have to take off...
207
00:08:55,830 --> 00:08:57,570
They're dangerous.
They are dangerous.
208
00:08:57,630 --> 00:08:59,800
- They're very sharp
- These shoes are real pretty.
209
00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:01,040
Okay, I'm putting these in here.
210
00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:02,570
- Wait, hold on.
- Come on.
211
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,710
- I just wanna put--
- Come on, come on, come on!
212
00:09:04,770 --> 00:09:06,440
- Get up! Missy!
- I just have to--
213
00:09:06,510 --> 00:09:08,240
- You don't understand--
- Missy!
214
00:09:08,310 --> 00:09:09,280
What?
215
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:10,380
You are not wearin' any pants.
216
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:11,510
- Now, you cover yourself.
- I gotta...
217
00:09:11,580 --> 00:09:13,050
- Can I put my pants on?
- 'Yes.'
218
00:09:13,110 --> 00:09:14,250
Yes. You can put pants on. Yes.
219
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,920
But I wanna pick out which one.
220
00:09:15,980 --> 00:09:17,690
- How about this?
- I don't wanna wear those!
221
00:09:17,750 --> 00:09:18,890
- Alright.
- Which ones do you want?
222
00:09:18,950 --> 00:09:20,450
- I want to wear the ones...
- What do you...
223
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,190
- The ones there.
- How about these?
224
00:09:22,260 --> 00:09:24,490
- These are good these are--
- No! They're [bleep]!
225
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:25,490
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
- Hey!
226
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,260
Hey! These.
227
00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:29,460
- I don't want to wear those.
- [bleep] it. Okay.
228
00:09:29,530 --> 00:09:30,870
- That's real pretty.
- No, no, it's beautiful.
229
00:09:30,930 --> 00:09:32,670
I don't think this is mine!
230
00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:34,100
This is [bleep] Charity's!
231
00:09:34,170 --> 00:09:36,470
I don't want to
wear her stupid skirt.
232
00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:38,010
Panties. Wait a second.
233
00:09:38,070 --> 00:09:40,070
- This is on backwards.
- Oh, no.
234
00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:42,410
- There you go.
- Aah!
235
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:43,680
(Kimball)
Now, come on.
236
00:09:43,740 --> 00:09:44,910
Wait, wait, wait.
237
00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:46,110
- I forgot something.
- What?
238
00:09:46,180 --> 00:09:48,520
- What did you forgot?
- I forgot something!
239
00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:51,420
- What did you forget?
- My cellphone.
240
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:53,220
- Where is it?
- It's in the bar.
241
00:09:53,290 --> 00:09:54,620
- In the bar?
- Mm-hmm.
242
00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:57,190
Are you lying to me?
243
00:09:57,260 --> 00:09:58,330
- 'Oh!'
- 'Son of a bitch!'
244
00:09:58,390 --> 00:09:59,830
- 'Son of a bitch!'
- 'No, you did not!'
245
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:01,330
(Kimball)
'You come back here!'
246
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,560
Can I smoke a cigarette?
247
00:10:02,630 --> 00:10:03,700
In the car you can.
248
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:04,830
But can I smoke one first
249
00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:06,200
'cause I just
have to wait for...
250
00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:08,470
I'm waiting for
a phone call inside.
251
00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:10,470
- Do you have a light?
- Yes. Of course I do.
252
00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:12,170
Now, we're gonna be good,
we're gonna be friends.
253
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,480
We're not gonna run
and we're not gonna puke, right?
254
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,250
- No, no, I-- No!
- 'No!'
255
00:10:19,310 --> 00:10:20,650
(Dangle)
'Son of a bitch!
She tricked me!'
256
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,280
'It was a trick!'
257
00:10:22,350 --> 00:10:23,780
She's a little [bleep] genius!
258
00:10:29,660 --> 00:10:33,190
I'll say, but it doesn't take
a Mozart to figure out
259
00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:36,660
that getting back to our limo
in this bad neighborhood
260
00:10:36,730 --> 00:10:38,830
might be a little dangerous.
261
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:40,940
Good thing we wore our
262
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:45,270
Police Tek
2000 bulletproof vests.
263
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:48,240
- Stick 'em up, you two.
- Oh, my God.
264
00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:50,580
Go ahead. Shoot away.
265
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:58,250
I didn't feel a th...
266
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,320
I didn't feel a thing.
267
00:11:02,390 --> 00:11:05,430
Always wear a Police Tek 2000
bulletproof vest.
268
00:11:07,230 --> 00:11:09,400
Now in a slenderizing
girdle cut.
269
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:18,010
Oh! Perfect.
270
00:11:20,470 --> 00:11:21,680
- Sorry.
- 'That was gorgeous.'
271
00:11:21,740 --> 00:11:23,510
Shh!
272
00:11:23,580 --> 00:11:26,750
'Can't even stand up
in his own yard.'
273
00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:30,250
Lay him down gently.
Oh! Ha ha!
274
00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:33,390
'This is what I'm talkin'
about. Look at this!'
275
00:11:33,450 --> 00:11:34,720
(Clementine)
'That's what I'm talkin' about.'
276
00:11:34,790 --> 00:11:35,890
(Trudy)
'Oh, my God!'
277
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,690
'This is like the garden
of [bleep] Eden.'
278
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,490
I know.
So this is what we need to do.
279
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:41,000
- We need a judge.
- Uh...
280
00:11:41,060 --> 00:11:43,700
Judge, uh, Peterson,
down circuit court.
281
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:45,330
- Two cataracts.
- He's blind. Yes!
282
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,500
- Can't see anything.
- I'll pick him up.
283
00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:49,440
- Okay, you get him.
- You have a wedding dress?
284
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,210
- I do.
- Where is it?
285
00:11:51,270 --> 00:11:53,770
Uh, it's in the back
of the squad car.
286
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,840
You have a wedding dress
in the back of the squad car?
287
00:11:55,910 --> 00:11:57,980
Oh, always. Always.
288
00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,780
'You know, I'm always prepared.'
289
00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:01,650
I also have a saddle
and a bee-keeper's hat
290
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,650
and a couple of,
uh, flower leis.
291
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,850
'Cause you just never know,
right?
292
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,290
Half the time,
I get stuck without a tampon.
293
00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:14,930
(Williams)
'Watch this.'
294
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,670
I'm wishing that the piano
295
00:12:17,730 --> 00:12:20,700
will play something Mexican.
296
00:12:27,210 --> 00:12:28,740
I didn't even know
if it would do that
297
00:12:28,810 --> 00:12:29,740
and it did it!
298
00:12:29,810 --> 00:12:32,510
- Yeah.
- W-that's crazy!
299
00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:34,220
Yeah, well,
let's drop the balloons
300
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:35,350
it played something Mexican.
301
00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:36,580
Wow. Start the fountain.
302
00:12:36,650 --> 00:12:37,950
It started as soon as I said it!
303
00:12:38,020 --> 00:12:40,190
Son, would you get down off
that railin', please?
304
00:12:40,250 --> 00:12:41,220
You see what I'm sayin'?
305
00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:44,560
As soon as I said it, boom!
What?
306
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:45,960
That's just called coincidence.
307
00:12:46,030 --> 00:12:49,500
Man! God, I wish that kid
would get off the railing.
308
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:50,830
Oh, oh!
309
00:12:52,030 --> 00:12:54,370
- Holy [bleep]!
- What did you do?
310
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,070
- I got an 11-charlie, twelve.
- James, what did you do?
311
00:12:57,140 --> 00:12:58,570
We need a paramedic!
312
00:12:58,640 --> 00:12:59,870
[Garcia screams]
'Ma'am, keep your kids away!'
313
00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:08,250
I just wanted to remind you
that Friday night
314
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,320
is the candlelight vigil
315
00:13:10,380 --> 00:13:12,320
for, uh, Melissa Curvie
316
00:13:12,390 --> 00:13:15,460
who's been missing now
for six days.
317
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,130
So just, um,
you know, come on down.
318
00:13:18,190 --> 00:13:20,960
There'll be snacks
and it'll be a good time.
319
00:13:21,030 --> 00:13:22,730
Thank you, um...
320
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,330
Thank you very much. Uh...
321
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,400
I do want to talk
to y'all about drugs
322
00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:28,900
but I think one thing,
uh, that Sniffy and I know
323
00:13:28,970 --> 00:13:31,170
that a lot of people
won't tell y'all
324
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:34,380
is that when you first do drugs
325
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,380
it's real nice.
326
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,880
But here's the thing, kids
327
00:13:38,950 --> 00:13:41,320
it doesn't stay that way.
328
00:13:41,380 --> 00:13:44,820
Imagine that Sniffy is drugs.
329
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:47,190
Uh, and-and-and I first
330
00:13:47,250 --> 00:13:49,660
uh, I first meet him...
331
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,560
Hi, how you doin', Sniffy?
332
00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:54,090
And we are just sweet
on each other.
333
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,100
And we're walking
down the street
334
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,270
and then all of a sudden
335
00:13:58,330 --> 00:14:00,600
he gives me a good night kiss.
336
00:14:02,470 --> 00:14:04,210
Well, that's just wonderful!
337
00:14:04,270 --> 00:14:07,710
And I'm feelin' great now
and I want a little more of that
338
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:10,310
is what I want.
'Cause that just felt so nice.
339
00:14:10,380 --> 00:14:12,950
And so we kiss...
a little more...
340
00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:16,780
And that just feels great, too.
341
00:14:16,850 --> 00:14:18,990
I feel so pretty and smart
342
00:14:19,050 --> 00:14:21,720
an-and so we kiss
a little more
343
00:14:21,790 --> 00:14:23,960
and, uh, and he starts actin'
344
00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:26,630
a-a little angry at me and, uh
345
00:14:26,690 --> 00:14:28,330
and that's when it starts
to turn real bad.
346
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,500
And that's when you should...
Get off of me.
347
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:34,170
Get... But he just
doesn't seem to be cooperating.
348
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,840
And that's when you know
that drugs just really
349
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:38,810
aren't-aren't worth,
um, the, what the...
350
00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:41,380
Uh, we didn't, we didn't,
no, it's over. We...
351
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,110
- No, the thing is, oh! Stop it.
- 'Oh, God!'
352
00:14:43,180 --> 00:14:44,750
Stop! Help! Help!
353
00:14:44,810 --> 00:14:46,310
...off me! Get him off of me!
354
00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:47,850
- Get him off! Get him off!
- Ramon, get off!
355
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,180
- Ramon!
- Get him the [bleep] off of me!
356
00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:52,890
I am really sorry--
357
00:14:52,950 --> 00:14:55,060
You do a background check
on these people?
358
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,260
I want you to get
backstage right now!
359
00:15:06,630 --> 00:15:10,140
- Man has five tuxedos. Five.
- Five?
360
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,770
Five tuxedos.
361
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:13,240
What'd you do
if you had two million?
362
00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:15,280
- Two million?
- Yeah, two million bucks. Boom.
363
00:15:15,340 --> 00:15:17,580
Here's your check.
Ed McMahon drives up.
364
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,350
First tell my family
to [bleep] off.
365
00:15:20,410 --> 00:15:23,780
- Then I would, uh--
- You can do that right now.
366
00:15:23,850 --> 00:15:25,450
Well,
they're kinda helpin' me out.
367
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:26,450
Oh.
368
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,490
Then I'd, uh...
369
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,260
I don't know.
Maybe get some plugs.
370
00:15:32,330 --> 00:15:34,730
Always wanted cornrows.
371
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,060
Maybe go to...
372
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,170
...France.
373
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,240
- France?
- Yeah.
374
00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:44,170
Get cornrow hair plugs
and go to France?
375
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,840
Yeah.
376
00:15:45,910 --> 00:15:48,280
God,
sometimes I don't even know you.
377
00:15:48,340 --> 00:15:50,780
You know,
if I had two million dollars
378
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:55,050
'I would get me one of them
pontoon boats on lake Havasu--'
379
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,620
Yeah?
380
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:59,190
Eddie Money
play at my birthday party.
381
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,350
Lake Havasu.
382
00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:02,020
Can you imagine the tail
you would get
383
00:16:02,090 --> 00:16:04,290
if you had Eddie Money
play in your birthday party
384
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:05,290
on lake Havasu?
385
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,230
♪ Here comes the bride ♪♪
386
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:09,860
'Oh, wait!
He ain't supposed to see ya.'
387
00:16:09,930 --> 00:16:11,970
- 'He ain't supposed to see ya!'
- 'Ha ha ha ha!'
388
00:16:25,710 --> 00:16:28,450
Tango, uh, uh, 11 Charlie-12
389
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,350
this is, uh,
Garcia and Williams.
390
00:16:30,420 --> 00:16:31,550
We wanted to check on the status
391
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,750
of our, uh,
faller here at the mall.
392
00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:35,360
(male #1 on radio)
'Oh, yeah, that kid, uh...'
393
00:16:35,420 --> 00:16:37,590
'Critical but stable,
they're sayin'.'
394
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:39,290
Garcia was the one
that wished it to happen!
395
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,030
No, I did, I did not.
396
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:42,030
That is not true.
397
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:43,860
Tango, I made an aside.
398
00:16:43,930 --> 00:16:46,430
I said I wish he would get down
off the railing safely
399
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,500
and the, and the,
and the child fell.
400
00:16:48,570 --> 00:16:50,040
(male #1)
'Did you say that
by Liberace's piano?'
401
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:51,110
I just said--
402
00:16:51,170 --> 00:16:52,510
Yes, he said it
right by the piano.
403
00:16:52,570 --> 00:16:53,670
We're standin' right by it.
404
00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:55,280
I did... That's not true! Okay?
405
00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:56,340
I didn't, I didn't say anything
406
00:16:56,410 --> 00:16:57,880
and I didn't
talk about anything.
407
00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,650
(male #1)
'Well, you know they say
it's cursed, right?'
408
00:16:59,710 --> 00:17:01,150
'I mean, there's whole
websites about it.'
409
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:03,520
'There's, uh,
Liberacescursedpiano.Org.'
410
00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:04,990
- 'There's cursedpiano--'
- You see that?
411
00:17:05,050 --> 00:17:06,790
How do you,
how do you know that?
412
00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:08,760
Do you see that?
Do you see that?
413
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,520
- You're gonna blame it on me?
- No, I'm just saying--
414
00:17:10,590 --> 00:17:11,690
And you're go-- No. No.
415
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:12,960
He said there's websites
and everything.
416
00:17:13,030 --> 00:17:14,930
And you know people
don't lie on the internet!
417
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,360
Then, okay, y-you know what?
You're makin' weird wishes.
418
00:17:17,430 --> 00:17:20,670
He's saying there's things
on the web about Liberace
419
00:17:20,730 --> 00:17:22,740
and stupid people doing...
Well, you know what?
420
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,340
I'm tired of it, okay, Williams?
421
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:27,210
I don't believe
in this whole stupid queer-ass
422
00:17:27,270 --> 00:17:29,940
gay Liberace piano [bleep]!
423
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,920
That was for you! Oh, my God!
424
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,650
We are so... We are...
425
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,360
He is sorry! He is sorry.
426
00:17:42,420 --> 00:17:43,460
We love you.
427
00:17:46,730 --> 00:17:50,160
- Here we come!
- 'Oh, good. Good!'
428
00:17:50,230 --> 00:17:51,670
- 'Thank you.'
- Look who I found!
429
00:17:51,730 --> 00:17:53,530
(Clementine)
'Look, honey,
our life can' start.
430
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:54,570
'Our life can start.'
431
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,070
How you doing, Judge Peterson?
432
00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:57,370
- How are you?
- Good. Good.
433
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:58,670
It's good to be here.
434
00:17:58,740 --> 00:18:01,110
I know the hour is late,
but we'll rush through this.
435
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,380
We appreciate it!
436
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,140
Oh, good, 'cause we can't
wait to get married.
437
00:18:04,210 --> 00:18:05,350
Isn't that right?
438
00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:07,750
We're gathered here this
evening to bring together
439
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,780
these two kids to embrace
440
00:18:09,850 --> 00:18:12,650
the bonds of holy matrimony.
441
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,320
Uh, you have the rings?
442
00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:17,120
- Uh...
- Rings, please.
443
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,430
- Oh, w-got them right here!
- There they are!
444
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:26,130
Oh, Barry,
that is such a beautiful ring!
445
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:27,300
As you exchange them
446
00:18:27,370 --> 00:18:29,670
please if you have any
vows you would like to say
447
00:18:29,740 --> 00:18:31,770
anything you would
like to address to each other.
448
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,070
Please do it.
449
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:36,380
Um...
450
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,210
Clementine, you're...
451
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:43,080
[deepens voice]
Clem-Clementine,
you're, um, beautiful.
452
00:18:43,150 --> 00:18:47,150
You always...smell great.
453
00:18:47,220 --> 00:18:49,890
And I-I-I can't wait to spend
the rest of my life with you
454
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,930
and give a lot of money to you.
455
00:18:52,990 --> 00:18:54,530
Barry...
456
00:18:55,630 --> 00:18:57,060
We've got a bond, you know?
457
00:18:57,130 --> 00:18:59,300
And you were not
the first by any means
458
00:18:59,370 --> 00:19:02,240
and, I mean,
if I'd be a liar to say
459
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:04,240
you are gonna be the last,
you know?
460
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:06,870
- But, um, you're here now.
- Yeah.
461
00:19:06,940 --> 00:19:09,780
And so let's just make
the best of that now.
462
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,950
Then by the power vested in
me by the state of Nevada
463
00:19:13,010 --> 00:19:14,250
I now pronounce you man
and wife.
464
00:19:14,310 --> 00:19:16,280
- Yeah!
- Yes! Thank you!
465
00:19:16,350 --> 00:19:19,820
Clemmy, you look heavy
when you're... Turn sideways.
466
00:19:19,890 --> 00:19:21,960
You look... No, you look heavy.
467
00:19:22,020 --> 00:19:24,120
Straight on you look heavy.
Sideways like this.
468
00:19:24,190 --> 00:19:27,030
Silhouette. Exactly.
469
00:19:27,090 --> 00:19:29,630
- No, get in there, Junior!
- No, I'm...where?
470
00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:31,030
That don't make sense.
471
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:32,070
You look shell-shocked.
472
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:33,100
Will you take
the [bleep] picture?
473
00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:34,100
Take it!!
474
00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:35,140
- Sorry.
- Jeez.
475
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:36,740
- Happy wedding!
- Yay!
476
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,740
- Yay!
- Whoo!
477
00:19:47,950 --> 00:19:49,880
Okay, I don't know.
478
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:51,290
It's just, uh, you know what?
479
00:19:51,350 --> 00:19:52,420
I just want it to end.
480
00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:53,990
I just wish somebody
would just come by
481
00:19:54,050 --> 00:19:57,160
and just take that
damn piano outta here!
482
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:01,700
Hey. We're here for the piano.
483
00:20:06,630 --> 00:20:09,500
It's been a strange day.
This thing has been playin'...
484
00:20:09,570 --> 00:20:11,970
Everything that
we've asked it to...
485
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:13,410
- Any--
- Who-who was playing it?
486
00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:14,840
(Williams)
'Well, the piano
was playing by itself'
487
00:20:14,910 --> 00:20:16,540
and then he just wished
for you to come
488
00:20:16,610 --> 00:20:17,880
and then you came, but--
489
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:19,750
That's not a player piano.
490
00:20:20,910 --> 00:20:22,050
Say what?
491
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,120
It's not a player piano!
492
00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:25,850
It's Liberace's piano.
493
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,990
Think he'd have a player piano?
494
00:20:35,030 --> 00:20:37,100
Of course it's a player piano.
495
00:20:39,430 --> 00:20:41,400
Once again...
496
00:20:41,470 --> 00:20:44,400
...Miss Fortune
has humped my leg.
497
00:20:44,470 --> 00:20:45,870
- Guess who's not a widow?
- Oh.
498
00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:47,440
- He's still alive?
- He's... No.
499
00:20:47,510 --> 00:20:49,410
He was married already.
500
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,810
- Had never gotten a divorce.
- 'Oh.'
501
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,150
Yeah.
502
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,350
His wife lives on a houseboat
503
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:58,090
on the Colorado river six
months out of the year, so...
504
00:21:02,860 --> 00:21:04,160
rapes were down
in the holding tank?
505
00:21:04,220 --> 00:21:05,690
- Yeah.
- 'Typo.'
506
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,130
Not. Are not down.
507
00:21:07,190 --> 00:21:09,260
Oh, I thought that
was missin' a one.
508
00:21:09,330 --> 00:21:12,270
- 'One seventeen. Not 17.'
- One seventeen?
509
00:21:12,330 --> 00:21:14,900
- Seventeen seemed real light.
- 'Yeah, it seemed real low.'
510
00:21:14,970 --> 00:21:16,570
'Cause every time you walk by...
511
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,510
Oh, help! Please don't rape me!
512
00:21:18,570 --> 00:21:19,640
Please don't rape me!
513
00:21:19,710 --> 00:21:20,640
Yeah.
514
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,950
Seems like you practice
saying that sometimes. Do you?
515
00:21:27,010 --> 00:21:29,080
No. It's just something that,
I-I wake up saying it out of
516
00:21:29,150 --> 00:21:30,120
my, sometimes out of my--
517
00:21:30,180 --> 00:21:31,180
Your night terrors. Hm.
35297
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