Original subtitles

- * MTV *

- Previously on "Love and Hip Hop Atlanta"...

- It's like a spiritual thing that they're

known for in Belize.

So I'm on this healing journey.

I just want to be a better person.

- This is Kai.

- Oh, hello. - Good.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- I'm cool on Sonya.

I don't even want to put it out no more,

you know what I'm saying?

And it has nothing to do with you.

It has everything to do with your man.

- You know, that's [bleep] up though, sis.

- I'm not gonna lie. - I ain't [bleep] lying.

- It's [bleep] up? - Yeah, that's [bleep] up.

- How is it [bleep] up?

- I would never do that to you.

- Yeah, I just moved here.

Yeah, I just moved here.

- Wait, why'd you move here?

- I just felt like I fell in love.

I was like, I got to go.

Yeah, we still newlywed.

- We almost there?

- Feel sick?

- Yeah.

- She's shaking again. - She's shaking bad.

- [retching]

[funky music]

- * This is the life *

- * It's the life that we're livin' *

- * This is the life *

- * It's the life that we chose *

- * This is the life *

* It's the life that we're livin' *

- * This is the life *

- * It's the life that we chose *

- * Make my way to the top *

* And it ain't no stoppin' *

- [retching]

- Throw it all up. Get it out.

Throw it up.

Hey dog, my friend, she-- she's having real bad shakes.

She has a hole in her kidney too, so...

I don't know what to do.

And I never see Rene like this before.

We are nowhere near civilization right now.

And this is the worst time and place

for this to be happening.

I just called my doctor.

He said that you need to go to the hospital.

- Let's put her in this front seat of the white Jeep.

- Yeah.

- We got to go to the hospital.

I don't joke about nothing when it come on to them stuff.

- I ain't going to lie, I'm kind of scared,

because Renni told me something a couple of weeks ago

about her kidney.

So I'm just panicking.

I'm just like, God, please let my friend be OK.

- * You know I got this [...] for real *

* God damn, I'm really about it *

* You know to come to me correct *

* When we start talking profits *

- This is my mom.

- Boy, I thought that was your sister.

What's up, beautiful woman?

- * Yeah, I'm not the one for small talk *

* Small talk *

* When you hit on my line, it's money talk *

- Guess who the bartenders are for the day.

It's shot o'clock, bitch.

Are y'all come turn up with us at Dancing Crepe.

- Shot o'clock. - Shots is on me.

- * I'm not the one to kiss your [...] *

* To get some action popping *

* I'm hella major with my [...] *

* I get it in, no guidance *

- I'm trying to do things different.

- It's the new you now.

- It's the new me.

Shaking off all the bull[bleep].

- * I get dough, I get cheese *

* I get moolah *

* I get green *

* I get money, money, money *

* You can check out my receipts *

* I get bread *

* I get Benjamins *

- That one right there is so nice.

- 33 karat diamonds, $55,000.

- 55,000?

Ooh!

Let me just feel what 55,000 feel on my wrist.

- Now it looks more expensive. - Right.

[chuckles]

Dude, the price just went up.

Me buying jewelry, I've never bought jewelry from nobody.

Like, I don't even think I bought my mama no jewelry.

I'm here in Atlanta for love.

I felt such a deep connection with Santana.

I want to give him everything that he wants and he needs.

And I feel like this is what he likes.

He's a material girl.

[upbeat funky music]

* *

- So I'm meeting Zell and the jeweler in Atlanta.

Zell Is such a wonderful boyfriend.

I love being spoiled.

So I'm about to pull up and see what I can get.

- Yeah, that's nice, that one.

Ooh, that be fine.

Hey.

- What's up?

- Me and Saucy, we started dating,

and then we took a break.

But we just couldn't do without each other.

But like, my guards are still kind of up.

Last time, I felt like I was just left,

like, in just, like, an uproar.

Like, it was just like I-- like, hold on, wait,

this is over? Wait, we done?

Santana does a lot.

- How you like it from here as opposed to LA?

- LA is a little different, like,

you know what I'm saying? - Hollywood.

- Yeah.

You know, I love that Hollywood.

- So you don't think this is Black Hollywood?

- No.

I just think this is Atlanta, Atlanta.

[both chuckle]

Give me a kiss.

I feel like you--

- Zell, stop playing with me, boy.

- Give me a kiss.

- It's like, I don't want to kiss you.

I want to kiss the diamonds.

- You guys know that I've never, like,

been one of those people that's been out, like, oh,

yeah, this is my boyfriend.

Oh, I'm like that.

Like, I was never comfortable with myself

to bring that to the public.

- I want you to put on this paper what you want,

the best things to happen to you.

- Mine's was a wife and kids.

Just because I'm gay, I'm still a man.

I'm still going to operate myself like a man,

you know what I'm saying?

- Well, what is a man?

- Stop acting like you're not gay.

You're gay! - I'm not [bleep].

- You're gay!

- I'm just saying that I'm nothing!

I said, I was raised by a real [bleep]!

With Santana, he just made me so comfortable with myself

and just like, with him, that like I just

feel, like, I want the whole universe to know that,

like, this is my man, we together.

You want to see?

You want to see the one that I got for you?

- Yeah.

- Here you go.

- There you go.

- How much it cost?

- Don't worry about all that.

- Yeah, I need to know the price.

Is it 10,000, 3,000, 2,000?

- You just worry about putting it on your wrist.

* *

It complements your wrist.

- Yeah.

- A little something, a little dainty.

- It's like a little piece.

I like it.

Zell buys me stuff a lot.

Whenever he get, like, a check,

he want to spend it on your girl.

You know, Zell is very ready to put a ring on it, have kids.

I like grown men.

I don't like men that act like little boys.

So what you feel about, like, dating me?

I feel like a lot of people gave you a lot of backlash,

you know, me being feminine, nails,

makeup, purses, all of that.

- I don't care.

This is my real life and my real feelings.

Me and you really got to know each other.

I really feel like I know you.

- Mm-hmm.

- So I don't want nothing I do to hinder who you are.

I want anything about me to enhance you,

like, you know what I'm saying?

And vice versa, so...

- You have different types-- we are

different types of gays, but we all

gay collectively and together.

- I'm open for all that gay [bleep].

[laughter]

Maybe we can invite some of my little Atlanta friends.

I mean, just, like, you know, can I show you off?

- Oh yeah, on Instagram, FaceTime, for sure.

I feel like I've grown, I've elevated.

Zell doesn't see.

I feel, like, a bigger picture for himself sometimes.

Zell put his friends before everybody,

and that's a big problem in our relationship.

You don't know when to hold 'em when to fold 'em.

- Why can't I just show off our love?

Sometimes we have to meet, like, in the middle on that,

like, you know what I'm saying?

- Most of your friends in Atlanta

that you're trying to get me to be around I know through TV.

- Right.

- So narratives that I see, or just different drama that they

got going on, and that's just not something that I'm

just excited to dive into.

- Give me a kiss.

- Stop doing that, stop doing that.

[giggles] I'm anti-PDA.

I'm not-- I'm not mushy.

I'm not a very affectionate person.

So it's like, uhh.

You want a kiss on the cheek?

You're going to mess up my lipstick.

- OK, yeah, I'll do that, because I don't want to--

* *

- Hey, what's up, Bill?

How's it going, man?

- What's going on, Bill?

Today, I'm meeting with my lawyer.

And you know, in support of me, I brought my manager

and I brought Khat.

I initially decided that I did not

want to re-sign with 1501 after finding

out that my contract ended.

However, 30 days later, Carl pulls out of his ass

a contract that says that I'm still signed to him.

He wants us to finish out these two projects

that he claims that I owe.

I don't know how that happened.

So now we're here.

- I'm right here.

- I know, I know.

- I'm here right now with Erika because I see

what she's been going through.

Between what Erika going through with the label

and her calling me out in the Bahamas

for whatever she think I did with Amy,

I'm kind of treading on thin ice.

I really want to show her that I'm still going to support her

and I'ma still have her back.

- Listen, I know y'all not going to want to hear this.

- Mm.

- But I reviewed the 1501 agreements,

and they have a decent position.

If we pursue litigation, it's a long process.

- OK.

- And it could put your career on hold.

- Mm.

Like, how long?

- Well, I mean, a civil trial could

take four years to get there.

- OK, that's crazy.

That's insane.

I honestly feel trapped in this situation.

At this point, I just want to get the [bleep] out the deal.

Do you think it's worth going back

and settling for another year just for the sake of peace?

I don't know.

I need to think about this.

I'm trying to go about it the smartest way possible.

And filing a lawsuit would probably

be the longer road for me.

And I want to take the shortest road possible.

- [exhales] You good?

- I'm good. I'm good.

We gonna figure this [bleep] out.

Sit down.

Would you rather go the mediation way

or would you rather go to war?

- I would rather mediate.

Because I feel like you talk about going to war,

you got a lot of good stuff going on.

You got your project coming.

- Yeah.

- You got your single out doing good.

- Yeah. - You got good things going on.

So we ain't-- we can't go to war.

- You right.

- Because you know you can get a little hot.

You a little hothead. - I do.

- I like that.

But you know I like that feisty fighting

because I be liking when you be putting me in my place.

- You already trying to do that.

Boy, stop.

You always just got to go the extra mile.

- Coming up on "Love and Hip Hop Atlanta"...

- Erica Banks, she got on this song a long time ago.

- This song you want me to be on?

- Yes.

- I think I got better insight on my feelings.

- Are you ready to apologize to Banks?

- I'm not apologizing.

- I don't know.

- * Make my way to the top and it ain't no stoppin' *

- * Make my way to the top and it ain't no stoppin' *

[funky music]

- * Teach you how to talk privates, islands, diamonds *

- I've obviously been going through so much.

Everything has just been all over the place.

* Bitch, I've been popping *

* Check your ho facts *

* Bitch, you been bopping *

- Ever since my divorce, things career-wise and artistically

have been going up.

On the other hand, my life has been pretty much in shambles.

I have been attacked by everybody in this fake palace.

It's insane.

- * From the bottom *

* I was never on no cheap [...] *

* Stood 10 toes, never fold *

* Not a weak bitch *

So Momma Dee releases this diss track.

* Thirsty-ass ho *

* You broke-ass bitch *

* Scrap [...] you was just a glitch *

- And I just don't need that [bleep] tonight.

Why are you still talking about me?

I am no longer your son's wife.

You can have your son back.

So I'm putting my phone away.

I'm turning the notifications off,

because I am so ready to put the past behind me

and start focusing on the things that

mean the most to me, my children and my career.

* Show you how to talk private, islands, diamonds *

[upbeat funky music]

* *

- So yeah, let me hear it from the top again.

Kai's been wanting to work with new artists.

So he's putting a showcase together tomorrow.

One thing about me, I manifest everything,

so you know I'ma perform.

Look at you.

I love your outfit.

- Karlie Redd invited me to this session.

And she's playing this song and automatically, I'm like,

this is actually a hit.

What's going on in here?

What are we doing?

- So you know, I'm just, like, listening

to the song in the loudspeakers so I can hear how it really,

you know what I'm saying?

- It's different in the studio.

- But come on.

But that's not the only reason I brought you here.

- Uh-oh.

Girl, so what is up?

I saw you at your beach event with TJ.

I still wanted to, like, console you about some

of the stuff that happened.

But I was like, should I mention the Bahamas?

Spice's behavior was wild.

- You're a [bleep] up individual Karlie Redd.

You, let me tell you something.

[bleep]. Lemme tell you something.

It can wait till the cameras stop rolling.

- You see how she attacked me?

- Calm down, Karlie.

- She attacked me.

- Sometimes you have to look at a person

and say, you know what?

The friendship was seasonal, I guess, and move forward.

You've got a lot of stuff going on.

Where do you start?

- That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about.

I want you to be on this record.

- The beat that was playing? - Yes.

- Girl, I'm already on it. I'm [bleep] on this [bleep].

Yes. - [screams]

- All right.

- Thank you.

- Bitch, I'm trying to get on all the bangers.

- Things move fast in my world.

I know that Amy can lay this track down by today,

and we can do a performance by tomorrow.

And that's why I asked her, because I know she

professional, and I know she's going

to get it done within seconds.

Actually, Erica Banks, she got on this song a long time ago.

- This song you want me to be on?

- Yes.

- What happened with her?

- I seen Erica and Khaotic at Chad event the other day.

So I'm like, oh, hey, girl, what's up?

And she was like, well, I don't want to do

the record with you no more.

And I was, like, OK. You know, why?

Why not?

What's what's going on?

And she was like, because of your man.

- And why?

- She don't like him.

- It's giving bitter artist

for her to try [bleep] on the record.

- Yeah.

And she-- and she specifically said

it was only because of him.

- Here we go, more bull[bleep] with Erica Banks.

But it's only one Amy Luciani.

It's not about who was on the record,

it's about what I'm about to do on the song.

I try to not mix too much business and pleasure

and personal feelings.

If that's your man, she needs to respect that,

- Yeah. - I can relate to it.

- So what's been going on with you?

- I got back with my ex, and things between us

have actually been good.

But right now, my main concern is getting my family on board.

They're really strong on how they feel.

And I did share a lot of personal stuff that he did.

- So Mommy's not in agreeance with this?

- My mom is totally against us getting back together.

Mazi said a lot during the breakup, all this bull[bleep].

I know people are looking at me crazy, like,

you're going to forgive that?

But honestly, I'm not asking them permission.

I'm kind of just letting them know where this thing

is going because we're back.

But anyway, it's Karlie working with the superstar

producers, honey. - Thank you.

- Coming out here. And guess what.

I definitely want to do the song.

- Thanks.

- One, because it's hot, and I'm a little petty.

- [chuckles]

- Like, I swear to god.

- * Hot *

* Hot like a temperature *

* We hot *

* Turn up the AC 'cause we hot *

* The party light up 'cause we hot *

* We hot, we hot, we hot *

* Feeling the fever *

* We hot *

- I was born with a hole in one of my kidneys.

So it's been an issue since I was a child,

but it has nothing to do with all of the drama earlier.

The doctors were afraid that I had a heat stroke.

But after a little bit of rest and some water,

I'm ready to get back to it.

Because now that we're here, baby, this is my vibe.

And I'm so glad that Spice included us in this

and let us be a part of her show.

- Belize, how you feeling?

[crowd cheering]

* Gimme a S, S, S, Gimme a P, P, P *

* Gimme a I, I, I, gimme a C and an E *

* Bubbly, bubbly *

* Come watch me wobble it *

* Like a ball, me a juggle it *

* Every man want to cuddle it *

* So I'ma bubble it, bubble it, bubble it *

* Bubble it bubble it, bubble it bubble, bubble it *

Belize is a small, small place.

So just looking at the crowd and the audience,

you no blind.

You see the whole of Belize come out fi me.

This is like the whole country is here.

It no get better than this.

Some of my friends came all the way

from Atlanta to support me.

[crowd cheering]

I called all three of them.

If they don't make me have a good time in Belize,

I'm not going to come back to Belize.

So if they don't dance and be on stage, I can't come back.

Let's go!

* Send, send, send *

* Send it up, send it up *

* Send, send, send *

* Send it up, send it up *

* Send, send, send *

* Send it up, send it up inna mi belly *

* Send it up deep in bed *

* Send, send, send *

* Send it up, send it up *

* Send, send, send *

* Send it up, send it up, drop inna mi hole *

* Send, send, send *

* Send it up send it up inna mi belly, belly, belly *

- All right, give it up!

[crowd cheering]

- This show is so lit.

I'm out here showing my ass.

Renni hitting splits.

Sierra dancing her ass off.

Everybody's out of character a little bit, and I love it.

- Just I look around the crowd, and the vibe,

everything just gets me excited.

And it just reminds me of how grateful I should

be for this journey, this life that God has blessed me with,

another second chance.

[indistinct].

- * Flood out the patek top of the hill *

* Snow out my neck like Buffalo Bills *

- * Drop, drop, drop, drop *

- * Snow out my neck like Buffalo Bills *

* [vocalizing] *

* *

You need them Megan knees.

- Hi, baby.

- No, it sounded good.

- Do you like it? - Yeah.

You look good-- - Thank you.

- --sound good.

- Do you like this one?

- Vogue, Vogue. I almost know the--

I almost know the moves.

- Make sure you give it to me there.

- Not right now, not right now.

I've been knowing Jessica White for a long time

since my heydays in Hollywood.

She called me up to ask me to come to the studio.

I don't know if--

Jessica, being a singer and dancer,

I just know her doing the walk, walk down the runway.

But hey, maybe this is a new opportunity for her

that I don't know about.

I'm excited to see Jessica.

I haven't seen her in a while.

- You know Bang?

- I don't know him, but I know all his songs though.

- Right, all of his songs.

Bang, this is my friend Zell.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too, man.

- So I'm in the dance studio rehearsing

for my new track, "Vogue," which Bangladesh produced.

I've known Zell for a very long time.

He's going to tell you the truth,

Zell is a straight shooter.

And I respect his opinion.

And I'm hoping that he really loves the music.

- That's what's up, though.

Like, I'm excited for you. - Me too.

Thank you, baby. - That sounds so good.

- It's so funny, because he was talking

about somebody can rap on it, like, we need a third verse.

And he was like, I think we need to get Saucy Santana.

- You know that's my boo.

- That's his boyfriend.

- Yeah, that's my boyfriend.

I don't want to mix business with pleasure.

Like, I'm going to be nice and just say, yes,

I'm gonna ask my man just for you.

I definitely can set it up, go to the studio,

and see what works out.

- Yeah, for sure.

I love Saucy Santana.

I'm a fan of his music.

I just love the way that Saucy was

able to showcase who he was, his sexuality,

and be respected in regards to still just being an artist.

- But yeah, obviously you been working out.

Girl, you been in here dancing and duck walking.

Oh, my knees.

- Duck walking is a [bleep].

- Yeah.

What's been going on with you?

- I'm doing the song.

I'm doing the music.

That's what I'm really pushing right now.

I've had a few years off from my public career.

Now I'm back in the public eye.

And I'm trying to do things my way

and take control of my life like Janet Jackson.

- Which you should. - I have a question.

- What?

- Because I'm all about love these days,

even though I don't have love.

Um, have you met Saucy's family yet?

- Yeah, yeah.

I met his family.

We had-- his grandmother was having her birthday party.

So I got to meet his mom, his sister,

his grandmother, some cousins.

I need him to meet my family, though.

- But you do need him to meet your family.

- I want our families, like, to meet up in one place

and like, just have it all, like, in one place

just so I can see.

And I just want him to see where I came from

and like, what, like, who I am.

- It's giving marriage.

- Yeah.

No, it's giving-- I'm finding a surrogate.

I'm looking for a surrogate right now for these kids.

- Yes. Well, I wish I could be your surrogate,

but you know I got my own [bleep] going on.

Well, I wish you guys well.

- I appreciate it, and I know you really do.

And I appreciate just like, your love.

Like, you know you give off, like, this vibe.

- Listen, you know I love you.

- But I'm super excited for you.

Your sound great.

You look great.

You just, you know, you gotta work on your duck walk.

Other than that, like, I--

- You thought that duck walk was bad?

- The duck walk just needed a little-- you need

to learn how to duck walk.

But the duck walk ain't easy.

- Well, that was my first time ever even

knowing about a duck walk.

- Come on, let's try the duck walk.

Let's duck walk on out.

- So you know how to duck walk? - I don't.

- All right, let's look in the mirror.

- I'm just gonna walk like this because I can't even get up

from sitting down like that.

- Coming up on "Love and Hip Hop Atlanta"...

- What's your name? - Jessica.

- Jessica, uh--

- White.

- Nick Cannon baby mama, right?

- Oh, my God. - What?

This ain't her?

- We had a teacher tell us we wasn't real sisters before.

It's a battle that I fought for my sister, so I understand.

- I was there.

- * Make my way to the top and it ain't no stoppin' *

- * Talking if it ain't about deposits *

* I don't wanna rock it if Chanel ain't the stylist *

* Hair, slay, bills paid *

- * Make my way to the top and it ain't no stoppin' *

- * Oh, oh, I need to know *

* Why not be my only *

* Only thing that I want *

* Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, oh, I need to know *

- It's so pretty.

- Cute!

- It's cute here.

- I was like, you know what?

Let's close Belize out with a cute little dinner

after my performance.

Today was good, though.

I really just enjoyed the vibe, the moment.

- I just love how much we all put in effort into growing

and becoming better women.

- Renni, did you feel like you healed from this trip?

Did you let go off of anything?

- I think I got better insight on my feelings.

- To bless you, to guide you wherever you go.

- The Mayan temples were, like, a really great part

of this healing journey.

Being around these ladies and watching

them open up and share things and we're

working on overcoming things together has really helped me

heal more than anything or even

just learn how to heal by watching other people

try to do it.

You hold on to things, and it turns into a grudge

that you really don't even realize you holding.

- I need to let certain of the petty stuff go.

- Yeah?

- I really work hard to make it to being on the big stage

in front of thousands of people, and I'm here now.

But now that I'm living in my dream,

why am I triggered off of a little thing?

- I was moved by your performance.

- Thank you.

- I had a good time.

And I really enjoyed being able to cheer you on.

Like-- - That's what--

- A lot of--

- That's what--

- I-- I love that about all of us, though.

Like, no matter what, like, everybody support each other,

like, and cheer each other on.

- So what I learned on this trip, you know, usually,

when I travel and stuff, I usually travel with,

you know, Eric, my soon to be ex-husband.

- Girl, you don't have to tell us about Eric.

- Can she talk?

- Oh, Lord, not Eric again.

I am sick of hearing about Eric the car salesman.

I want to see Erica to get a new man ASAP, fast!

- He was with a group of bitches last night.

- What do you mean?

- Yeah, Zell texted me and was like,

he was at Blue last night with him.

He wanted the information to get back to me.

Like, he was like, I'm going to hurt this bitch.

Me and Eric are single.

We're not together.

So him being out with women shouldn't really bother me,

but I just thought that he would do things differently.

But it's like, thank you for continuing

to show me who you really are.

You're just a piece of [bleep].

So now I can genuinely focus on making my relationship better

with my kids, focusing on what I got to do in my life,

you know what I'm saying?

- Mm-hmm.

- So when we go back to Atlanta, since we all, like,

are trying to tackle all of these issues

and work on ourselves and everything,

are you going to try to fix things with you and Bambi?

- I don't like her.

- I just feel like she don't rock

with me how I rock with her.

- You know, I feel like you're still hurting over it

because that's your--

- If you just upset and you still want her as your friend

and your sister, say that.

It's nothing wrong with that.

- And I will.

But honestly, right now in this moment, in this time

right here in Belize, I don't.

I'm always emotional when I speak

about me and Bambi's friendship because she was my sister.

But a part of actually healing is knowing that you need more

time to be away from them so that you

can heal from the things that they have done to you.

- Well, are you ready to apologize to Banks?

- I'm not apologizing. - Why the hell--

- You see how the mood change?

[chuckles]

- Now I know we're here healing and everything,

and I have made a lot of strides

in the right direction, but I don't

know what the hell Shekanah talking about me apologize.

I could have handled the situation differently.

We can have a conversation about what happened,

why it happened, and find solutions.

- Since we're on this, you know,

journey, what do you think that triggered you at that table?

- When you start speaking about my mental health

and-- and what I'm going through and telling me I need

therapy and things like that, I know exactly

what you're talking about.

Bitch, I do need a lot of therapy.

- Yeah.

- That's what really made me say we need

to go to anger management.

I will thank her for that.

- She was poking.

- Yeah.

So it was like that really set me off.

- OK, so what about you and Karlie?

Because y'all was besties.

- Me and who?

- You and Karlie Redd.

And I feel like y'all should fix that whole situation.

- These bitches are draining me.

Everybody is supposed to be getting

healed and ready to release this [bleep].

Spice can't make up with Karlie Redd.

Renni can't make up with Erica.

Sierra can't make up with Bambi.

I can make up with all these bitches.

I'm not holding no grudge with nobody.

- Y'all were best friends.

- We were close.

We were friends, but we weren't best friends.

I have a friend in the house.

Anybody see my friend Karlie?

- Thank you, Spice, for like, being on the song

and everything you've done.

I really appreciate you from the bottom of my heart.

I will never forget this ever in life.

[together] Aww.

- Ever.

I'm so happy to be going to the Grammys just to support you,

and just I appreciate that.

- Thank you.

- This woman cry about you every--

- That's because she knows she--

I was a good friend to her.

- How are you healing from what happened with Erica Mena?

- Oh, my God.

Is it my-- is it a Spice night or what?

[chuckles] When she come with her racism thing,

I was so used to it, that it's like,

my system is immune to racism.

This is no shade to any of you that's sitting at the table.

I feel like darker-skinned Black woman

get it a little bit harsher.

They used to call me Blackie.

They used to call me tar.

They called me everything that was close to black

that they could find.

I don't have nothing to fix with her, mend with her.

I chopped her right off.

- What you've been through with this situation, how it made

you feel, the colorist comments,

everything, how are we going to heal--

like, what are you going to do for you?

- I can't fix racism.

I will always experience it.

So it's just something I have to face.

- My older sister is your complexion.

- Yep, she is.

- You know how many times we've been in a room together,

and they will acknowledge me like we didn't walk in

together because they feel like we're not together because we

don't look the same? We came out of the same woman.

Growing up, you don't know how much

resent that could make my siblings have for me,

or whatever the case.

Like, so I want you to understand--

- Hang on. Give me a minute.

Excuse me.

[tense music]

* *

- Coming up on "Love and Hip Hop Atlanta"...

- Why are you crying?

- I just don't like that for Black women.

It's just nothing I can fix.

I'll never heal from this.

- Who the dancers?

- That's my girls.

Oh, OK.

- * Make my way to the top and it ain't no stoppin' *

- * Make my way to the top and it ain't no stoppin' *

[tense music]

- My older sister is your complexion.

- Yep, she is.

- You know how many times we've been in a room together,

and they will acknowledge me like we didn't walk in

together because they feel like we're not together because we

don't look the same? We came out of the same woman.

- Hang on.

Give me a minute.

Excuse me.

- Erica, that's a lot. [bleep].

- I hate that racist [bleep].

- [sobs]

- Why are you crying?

- I just don't like that for Black women.

I've experienced it all my life and I just hate it.

And it's just nothing I can fix.

So it was like, when we at the table and you're asking,

like, how can I heal from it?

I'll never heal from this.

- I want to figure it out.

You're my friend.

I'm here with you.

I care about how you feel and I care

about how we can move forward.

But you can't carry that trauma around forever.

Like, we can't be-- we got to figure out how to--

- It's like, you know, I carry it for my daughter as well.

- Let's teach awareness, but let's not teach trauma.

Let's teach confidence.

Let's redirect it.

- I know.

How do you let go off of pain that comes

with the color of your skin?

I'm a Black girl.

I born a Black girl.

This is the color of my skin.

Love me or hate me, this is who I am.

But there are so many other people out there.

It's not just about me.

Do you ever have this conversation

with your sisters?

- Yeah.

So once I was reading her diary,

she wrote in it that she wished she looked like me.

So when stuff like that happen, it really just--

- She did?

Damn.

You make me sad.

- We had a teacher tell us we wasn't real sisters before.

It's a battle that I fought for my sister, so I understand.

- This is so sad.

Y'all like, we a great group together.

And thank you, Renni, for just being a sweet girl.

We love you.

- And I love you too.

I'm going to pray for y'all tonight.

[funky music]

* *

- * Hold on, let me talk my [bleep] *

* Let's do it, We're gonna *

- Keep an open mind.

Leave your mind open.

Hey, how you doing?

OK, Miss Diana Ross.

How you doing? What's up?

How you doing? - Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too.

- So I'm in the studio with Bang.

Saucy and Zell are coming through.

I dropped it in Zell's ear if he would

ask Saucy to be on the song, so we're

going to see how it goes.

This is Bang.

He produced the song "Vogue."

And we're just hoping that you would get on it.

- Why?

Cause it's "Vogue"?

- I think you're mad creative, you know what I'm saying?

And it's "Vogue."

I think you fit the mold.

I couldn't think of nobody else that

could, like, make sense for the song,

you know what I'm saying?

So--

- I'm not going in with any expectations.

Zell knew her from, like, a long time ago.

I'm going in as a more meet and greet.

- I am a woman.

I will sell my [bleep].

- * Drop, drop, drop, drop, drop *

* Drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop *

- * Vogue, Vogue, Vogue, Vogue *

* Flood out the patek top of the hill *

* Snow out my neck like Buffalo Bills *

- * Drop, drop, drop *

- * Snow out my neck like Buffalo Bills *

* Vogue, Vogue, Vogue, Vogue *

- My first impressions of the track was,

I don't think that Madonna would give

a [bleep] if I did that song.

- So what do you think, Sauce?

- Um, that's cute.

I got a song that sound exactly like that.

- Really?

- Literally the same beat and all that.

- I'm Jessica White.

I don't like to ask for help.

And I don't like to ask for favors.

I already know the answer's no, but I'm not easily shaken.

I have to create the vision for myself.

- How long you been rapping?

- Well, no, I sing.

- She don't really rap. - I don't rap.

- You know what I'm saying? - OK.

- She sings for real.

- You just started music, huh?

- No, I've been-- - You been?

- Yeah, since like, 2010.

- Yeah, so why you never worked with her?

You be rapping and [bleep].

I feel like that's your comeback.

She dropping a new EP.

Like, y'all both, you know what I'm saying, get in the field.

So you don't want her to help you with nothing?

Bangladesh, that's wrong.

- He wanted to work with you, though.

- Yeah, what's up with you?

- Like, you trying to avoid-- you trying to avoid--

you trying to avoid what we trying to do.

- I ain't trying to avoid it.

You know, this is my first time even meeting any one of y'all.

So just coming in like, hey, get on my song, like, whoa.

- Well, I do appreciate you for coming

and, you know, at least listening to it.

- Of course. I ain't too big for that.

A lot of people are out here winging it with music,

just trying to do something.

Honestly, we're in a world where you can wing it.

I feel like if she follows her gut with the music

that she really likes and more of that.

What's your name? - Jessica.

- Jessica? - Mm-hmm.

- Jessica, uh-- - White.

- This is Nick Cannon baby mama, right?

- Oh, my God. - What?

This ain't her?

- No, she's not this baby mama though.

- Oh, what?

What?

- I had miscarriages, so yeah.

- OK. Like, OK.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean for it to come out like that.

- When people do that to me, I instantly

go into a protective space.

Like, no, I can have babies.

I would have been a baby mother.

Nothing that he did was wrong.

[sniffles] I think that it's about just being conscious.

But most importantly, it's about me healing.

- You like a little hidden gem.

So I really want you to, like, you know what I'm saying,

stay focused on your [bleep].

- Absolutely.

- Not right now.

I don't picture myself on this track.

Why it got to be why?

I built my accolades up.

Jessica has just started when it comes to music.

I did not know anything about her besides her being Nick

Cannon baby mama. Shout-out to Nick Cannon.

He a Libra.

We got the same birthday.

But once she gets a little more established,

that's a conversation that we double back have.

- Bye, guys. - Bye.

Nice to meet you, babe. - Nice to meet you too.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- See you, gang.

Nice to meet you.

- Coming up on "Love and Hip Hop Atlanta"...

- [gasping]

- Oh, no.

We gotta go; we gotta go.

We gotta go, Bambi.

Come on.

- I can't get up; I can't get up.

I can't [bleep] get up.

- * Make my way to the top and it ain't no stoppin' *

- * Make my way to the top and it ain't no stoppin' *

- * All my girls bad doing bad things *

* Big Birkin bags, big cars and big rings *

* All my girls bad, doing bad things *

* Big Birkin bags, big cars, and big rings *

- That's my girls.

- Jesus Christ, you think I'm gonna--

I'm not like that.

This is a comfortable conversation

to get involved in.

You were talking about talking about this choreography.

- Now I got to watch you.

It's the night of the showcase.

We have dancers. We have food.

We have drinks.

Everyone's having a good time.

Kai invited a bunch of executives tonight.

And Amy and I literally just did this song yesterday.

So it's a lot of pressure.

But you know what?

I've had more pressure in my life.

[upbeat funky music]

* *

- Hi.

- Sis!

- OK, it's giving superstar.

- You look good.

- It's giving main attraction.

Hey. - How are you doing?

I'm Kai. Nice to meet you.

- I'm Amy.

I've been hearing a lot about you.

So you love the record, I'm sure.

- I love it. Nah, I love the record.

I'm excited to see y'all do it.

- So who's invited tonight? Who is coming?

You know I want to know.

- I know Bambi's coming, 'cause Bambi's performing.

- OK, Bambi's coming.

Yandy's supposed to be coming, Jessica too.

- Y'all vibe out.

You know, it's execs here.

I'ma go catch up with my boys, and then I'll see

y'all in a little bit. Y'all do your thing.

- OK. - Ooh!

I was like--

[laughter]

They say he brought the execs.

- Yeah.

- Karlie, that's what I like to hear.

Are you ready for this performance?

- OK, yeah.

Let's let's go get ready so we can go.

- We're going to get ready? - Mm-hmm.

- OK, OK.

[upbeat funky music]

* *

- I'm arriving at the 1501 event to support Karlie

and to support Amy.

I'm going to be performing tonight.

I've been having a really rough past few days.

Despite everything that I'm going through,

I just do not want to let my friends down.

* *

I don't feel good.

- I'm not sure what's going on with Bambi.

Like, her eyes were rolling.

She was sweating profusely.

And I've never seen her like this.

This is not good.

- Drink some water, drink some water.

Why don't you drink some water?

- You don't got to perform, baby.

You gotta-- you just gotta get this together, man.

You gotta get this together.

You've been having several panic attacks.

- Oh, my gosh.

- This is the third one this week.

- [gasping]

- Oh, no. We gotta go.

You gotta go, Bambi. Come on.

- I can't get up. I can't get up.

I can't [bleep] get up.

- You want to go in the bathroom, sis?

- I don't know.

As soon as I walked in, sit down,

instantly, I just start feeling weird.

I mean, I've had panic attacks before,

but they've been private.

I have never had this experience in public.

- Come on, get up for me. - Come on.

- Oh, [bleep]. - All right.

Damn. You got her bag.

- What's wrong?

- Sis, I don't [bleep] know.

- It's OK, baby. - What's going on?

- Breathe.

- My mouth is numb, y'all.

- What's going on?

- I don't know.

- * Make my way to the top and it ain't no stoppin' *

- * Make my way to the top and it ain't no stoppin' *

- It's OK, baby.

- What's going on?

- I don't know.

- I don't know.

- You've gotta go.

- I have been going through the toughest of situations.

I've been bullied, I've been lied on,

I've been talked about.

I'm going through a divorce.

I'm going through breakups with friends.

Like, all of these things, it's just a lot.

Somebody call my mama.

I want to go to my mama's house.

- What happened?

- Anxiety attack, panic.

She just sitting there--

- She was just sitting there and it just started happening.

- It was already building up when she got--

when she pulled up. - OK.

- I'm sorry.

- You ain't got to say sorry to me.

Are you crazy? It's OK.

You are a superwoman.

And you can't be strong all the time.

- No, I feel like I've just been [bleep] failing.

- You've got kids.

You take care of the household.

You've been doing everything by yourself for so long,

and I've been watching you.

- I really wanted to do this for you, though.

I truly do not feel like a superwoman right now.

But at the end of the day, Karlie

has been a great friend.

She's been there for me.

Karlie always shows up.

And now, at the moment that I could show up for her,

I can't.

So it's just really upsetting.

- Everything good with Bam?

- It was like she couldn't breathe.

- Well, apparently, that's her fourth anxiety

attack this week.

- Karlie, does this change the dynamic of the showcase?

Because I know she was going to perform.

- Well, you know, you know, sometimes it be like,

oh, the show goes on. - The show must go on.

- I don't mean to say it like that, but the show must go on.

- Bambi's health is more important than anything.

But it's a showcase.

So hey, guess what.

We're going to show up and show out.

- All right, coming to the stage, I need y'all to start

clapping y'all hands.

Make some mother[bleep] noise for my girl Karlie

and my girl Amy!

[upbeat funky music]

* *

- * I'm like a drug *

* Got him locked *

* Tell me he in love, but he full of [bleep] *

- I got to give it to Karlie for getting on the stage.

But I have to take it away from Karlie because you got to walk

into these spaces ready.

Because sometimes you have one opportunity to show

an audience what you got.

And if this is what you got, this ain't it.

- * You can't hit, don't trip *

* Use your tongue, tongue *

* I'm from Detroit, so you know I love it deep *

* I'm a rider *

* I [bleep] his face for a week *

- Amy is a great performer, so she's going

to get out there and have fun.

And Karlie is free-spirited.

She's done something that I haven't even been able to do,

get up there and move.

- Hey!

- [laughs]

[cheers and applause]

- How you feeling?

- Hey, good job, Mama.

No doubt. Your bars is on point.

- Thank you.

I'm really excited.

I'm not shocked that Kai loved the show.

This is what I came for, to grow in my career.

And I'm definitely appreciative of Miss Redd

and her man putting me in a position

to be in front of some execs.

I'm definitely thankful.

- This was a great night for you.

- And as a "manager," you know, I respect your opinion.

- I want you to get up there.

I want you to keep working on them dance moves.

- Yes.

- You about to be touring the world,

so you got to make sure-- that right there ain't a touring

the world performance.

So you got to get in that studio and rehearse.

- Me and Amy didn't even do soundcheck,

but it's all about having fun.

This was a good time.

Now we're going to go back to the drawing board and

practice, practice, practice.

Period.

- Girl, let me show you what I'ma be doing when I go home.

It's going to start like this and then go out there.

- You want to go out?

You want to go out?

[screams]

- Next on Love and Hip Hop Atlanta"...

- This is my final time being able to see

my mother in the flesh.

I know I'll rejoin her one day.

[applause]

- The best course of action would be to send

her a cease and desist letter.

And now that she's threatening you,

you can get a protective order.

- Protect my children.

- Exactly.

- So y'all both dating Scrappy?

- He was [bleep] that [bleep] real good.

- Yours?

- Yeah.

- At one time, I respected Mazi.

He let me down.

- So you ain't got respect for me no more?

- No, I don't.

- Do you want her to [bleep] die?

So you want her to die? - Look, man.

I'm telling you-- - Let her die!