All language subtitles for Love.and.Hip.Hop.Atlanta.S11E19.I.Cant.Belize.It.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BurCyg_track3_[eng]

- * MTV *

- Previously on
"Love & Hip Hop Atlanta."

- We all have healing to do.

- There's a lot of [bleep]
that I've been running from.

- You're going to
tap into your PTSD.

You've got to let it out.
Do you have--

- [screams]
- Get it out!

Yes, get it out!

- You know Kisha been
trying to have a baby?

I'm going to give
her one of my eggs.

- If Yandy gives Kisha an egg,

that's Yandy child
she's carrying, right?

- No.
- No.

- Listen, y'all crazy.

- You're not gonna deny
this of me!

- Don't do that.

Don't do that.
Don't walk away.

[dramatic music]

- So where do you
and Diamond stand?

- I want to appreciate you.
You've always been there.

- [slight giggle]
- You touching my ass.

You so sexy.
You just came out like that?

- I did.
So what you want, young Scrap?

* *

[upbeat music]

- * I drink my coffee
in the morning *

* When I wake up,
no yawning *

* Got to stay up,
got to get it all done *

- Let's see what you got.

- * Got places to be
like a Taurus *

- Oh.
- Oh, no.

Came right back to me.

- With my grandmother passing
and my divorce

and this whole fallout
with Bambi,

I need a day where
I could just really

put all of this craziness
to the side.

So today, I invited Spice
and Spice's kids

to play mini-golf
with me, Mason,

my son, and Shekinah Jo.

* *

- Oh, [bleep].
- [chuckles]

- She went up through it.

- Oh.
- Oh?

Yeah, baby.

- Why the [bleep] I can't
hit this goddamn ball?

- Take your time
and concentrate.

- [laughs]
- One, two, three.

- No.
- Now, see,

you're gonna knock the [bleep]
out of somebody in a minute.

You know what?

I'm not a golfer either,

but Sierra ass damn sure
don't know how to play golf.

First, your ass running away
from marriages.

Now, your ass running away
from these balls.

What are we doing, Sierra?

- Hey!
- Hey, guys.

- Hey!
- Hi.

- Hey, Nicholas.
- What's up?

- Why I just want him
to be a baby so bad?

- I know.
- Hi.

- You look cute.
You smell good.

- Hey, sis.
- Hi, sis!

[upbeat music]

- Damn.
- You got it, girl.

- Aw!
- Oh, that was good.

- OK, Ma--
- All right, Mason.

* *

- Ah!
- Ah!

- Let me show you
how it really done.

- Show us.
- OK, go ahead.

Go ahead, so let's see.
- You look good in them heels.

I ain't never seen nobody
play golf in heels.

- Oh!
[overlapping chatter]

- Ooh!
[laughter]

- Wait a minute.

- I need to do this more
often with the kids, though.

I like this.
- Yeah, we do, we do.

- Where I fit in it?
I don't have no kids.

- You the crazy auntie,
[bleep].

- No, they're here
now because, you know,

they're out of school.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- And I'ma take
them with me on tour.

So everyone will go with me,
I carry them all to the show.

But I want you to come.

I want both of you
to come to Belize.

- Really?
- What?

- Yeah.
- Belize, bitch?

- Oh, yeah!

- Oh, my God, we
would love to do that.

- Of course.
I want you to come.

- We coming.

- My bags are packed, bitch,
at the door!

And I'm ready to go!
Passport ready!

- I want to invite Renni too.
- Oh, that'd be so good.

- I love her.

But, you know, me and her,
we connected more

because we wanted
to do anger management.

You know, that kind
of opened my mind

a little bit because
I'm on this healing journey.

I just want to be
a better person.

My approach to my new life
was a little bit wrong

because of my trauma.

Boot camp showed me that
all of my past traumas

and everything that
I've been through

is really what's affecting
my attitude and my behavior.

I'm ready to take on
another journey of healing.

And I'm just ready
for my new walk.

So on this trip,
when we go to Belize,

I want to take it
a little bit further.

It's like a spiritual
thing that they're

known for in Belize.

Belize is definitely a
cultural place of healing.

It's beautiful.
The people there is nice.

The ambiance, the food.
I'm excited for us.

- That sounds so good, Spice.
I need something like that.

When I tell y'all, emotionally,

I've been going through
so much [bleep].

- And I know you just
lost your grandma.

- I just lost my grandma.

It's just so much.
- It's been a lot.

- It's just so much on me.

And I feel like I'm--
I act off of impulse.

And I'm tired of doing that,

but I've really been working
on it.

And this trip can
really help me

take my healing
to the next level.

It's been hard for me to grieve
the loss of my grandmother

because I've been going through
so much [bleep] with Eric.

And then on top of that,
I have four major companies

and I'm a mom.

So it's just a lot
that I really

need to tap into
and ask myself,

Sierra, are you really OK?
Because I'm not.

But we'll see.
We'll see how it go.

We got to check on these
kids, though, for real now.

- I know.
[laughs]

- [bleep].

- This [bleep] gonna
close down, girl.

We got to go.
- Yeah, we got to go.

They gonna call
the police on us.

- Sure.

- * I wished upon a star
or two, a star to you *

* I told you nowadays
it's when it's hard to lose *

* I'm on to you but
I won't do no harm to you *

* We on the move *

* I take you on a ride
just like a carnival *

* Whoa *

* But I can't love ya *

* *

- Ooh.

I'm gonna start
getting my shots soon

so that Kisha can use my eggs
to have a baby of her own.

But I also want to try
some holistic things

and take a really healthy
approach to this situation.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey!

- How you doing?
We drinking tea?

- We've been drinking--
- Spiked with what?

Nah.

- Normally, I am the type of
woman to feel like

this is my body,
this is my egg,

these are my choices,
but I want my husband on board.

He should be a part
of this process with me.

So this is difficult.

* *

- Oh, this place is beautiful.
What brings me here?

- I just wanted to, you know,

make sure I'm really
prepping my body for this.

I'm trying to make sure my eggs
are at its healthiest point.

Like, I want to make sure--
- I have so much to tell you.

I feel like, you know,
God put this in your heart

to help me with this journey.

You my sister. You my love.
You my baby.

But I just had my meeting
with the doctor,

and it was not good news, so--

- What do you mean?
- Um...

[dramatic music]

They found five fibroid.
- Five more?

- Five more fibroid.
And, uh, my uterus is enlarged.

And I have endometriosis.

So I can either
do another surgery,

which will be four surgeries.

- A surgery to do what?
- To remove the fibroids.

And that will set back
another whole year

to have my uterus repair itself

and then go through the process
of carrying a child.

I don't want to put myself
through that no more.

Mentally, physically,
emotionally,

I don't want to go through it,

so I'm not gonna have another
surgery to remove the fibroids.

I don't know.

I've just been, like,
an emotional roller coaster.

[sniffles] And I've just got
to figure it out

and just somehow
just pray through it.

I don't know.

- Hearing Kisha can't carry
her own baby, she is so broken.

And if this were my reality,
I would probably feel

just like her, like,
what is wrong with me?

Why is this not
happening for me?

I just feel horrible right now.

However it has to go,
I'm here, Kisha, you know?

I know you have so
many concerns and--

- Yeah, I'll get a surrogate

to carry your eggs,
and then, you know,

we'll go from there.

It's a journey,
and I'm OK with it.

- Motherhood looks different
for everybody.

But I think surrogacy
is a beautiful thing.

It's been heartbreaking
watching her go through,

trying to have a baby naturally

then going through the
in vitro process,

and now
she can't carry the baby.

I'm hoping that when
Mendeecees hears the news,

he will be empathetic and just
feels like this is something

we as a family have
to come together on.

I just don't want
Kisha to lose hope,

so I have to figure
this out for her.

I'm here with you.

I'm here with you till
the end of this journey.

- I know you are.
[sniffles]

- Mm.
- [sighs and sniffles]

- Coming up on
"Love & Hip Hop Atlanta."

- What's the obstacle courses?

- Like tight ropes, uneven
planks that you walk across.

- In the air?
- Yeah.

- Yup.

- Oh, [...]!

- Kisha found out that
she can't carry the baby.

- I can't move forward
with that.

- You about to throw up?

- I just got real lightheaded.

[coughing]

- My friend, she's
having real bad shakes.

- * On my way to the top
and there ain't no stopping *

- * On my way to the top
and there ain't no stopping *

- * Lights up,
this is how we're feeling *

* Look so appealing *

* [rapping indistinctly] *

- Ooh.
- Yeah.

- Oh, it's pretty out here.

- Ooh, wee.
It's so hot.

- It's hot as hell.

is trip to Belize is gonna
be great for all of us.

I feel like we all
have different things

that we're dealing with
that we all need to heal from.

It's the right group
of girls right now.

We need each other.

- Can we please just, like,
let our hair down

and really have, like,
a good-ass time?

- That's why it's us here.
- I got to.

- I feel like--
- I got to.

- I feel like us four...
- I got to breathe.

- It's gonna be a good time.
- A vibe.

Yeah.
- Yeah.

- I need some healing.

Today is my one-year
anniversary.

- That you've been
married to this [bleep].

- And I decided to let it go.

He made me think
and plant it in my head

that it was something wrong
with my parenting.

Eric said he didn't
want nobody with kids.

I should have just took
that as a sign

that he didn't want to be
with me.

You didn't want to
be with nobody with kids.

- I just don't want
to talk to you.

I didn't, I didn't.

- Did you want somebody
with kids?

- No, I did not,
but I [bleep]--

- You act like it too.
- But I still--I still--

- Your ass [bleep] act like it.

- Sierra don't wanna bust
that boy head.

- She don't.
- No.

Y'all, stop. It's serious.

Even though me and Eric
is going through so much,

I got to say that
I love and appreciate him

for coming through
for my grandma's funeral.

And he did not leave my side,
not one time.

And I'm not gonna lie,
I don't want to give Eric

mixed emotions,
but I just want to make sure

that I'm doing the right thing
by leaving him.

So while I'm here,
I just want to get some type

of, um, clarity,
and I hope I get that.

- Sierra, I want
to help you get

through it because
I want you to help

me get through my [bleep].
- What?

What's your [bleep], Shekinah?
- Just everything.

Funeral home,
revamping my life,

trying to be more professional,
um--

- You didn't get a boyfriend?

- I want one.
I think it's time.

- You should go on like some
blind--

we should get her, like, some
blind dates or something.

- I really want to do
a series of dating.

Like, I want to date.
- Blind date.

- I went online--
- You keep switching it up.

- And y'all, like--
- But it's got to be some--

it got to be some--
some rich head.

- Some rich-ass--
- Not no bull[bleep].

- I'm tired of
these broke-ass [bleep].

- A rich-ass man.

- He broke,
looking for a pork chop.

Looking for
something to lay on.

I don't want him to lay on me.

It's time for Shekinah Jo
to start dating!

I'm in the streets, baby!

This trip is about
emotional healing,

but it's time for me
some sexual healing.

This thing ain't been tapped
in a minute.

[chuckles]
She getting cobwebs.

- I think on online
applications,

they need to tell the size
of they penises.

- [laughs]
- I don't even got the time.

- Oh, the penis matter?
- What?

- I don't like them big.

- I don't want them too big,
but, baby,

I don't want [bleep] small.

- When they fat
and they've got strength,

I'm all right with that.
- A little short?

- Not that short, but I--

- Make up for what he missing
now, then I'm all right.

- Yeah, I don't want
no big, gigantic

anaconda-type [bleep].

- No, I don't want
[bleep] too big.

- Honestly, I don't even
want to do all that work.

I'd rather you just real small
with a lot of money.

- Yeah, real small
with a lot of money.

- We can get this over
real quick.

- Give me what I want.
He can be ugly too.

You can be ugly, fat, all that,

just have the money
and like me.

- Yeah.

* *

- * That's why I see 'em
from the top *

[upbeat music]

* *

* That's why I see 'em
from the top *

- Right now, we got
in two more weeks.

We got the property
being torn down.

You've got to get rid
of all these trees.

- How much are they charging?

$600 a tree?
- Yeah.

- So I'm meeting
with the realtor today

to talk about the demolition
of this lot right here.

And this is going to be
like a $3 million house.

And I'm really
trying to pre-sell it

before we even touch the dirt.

I think if we can sell this
in pre-sell,

I'll sleep better at night.

- 100% with you.
I'm with that.

That's what we should do.
- Right?

- Hey, fellas.
- Like I said, tuxedo--

hey, queen!
- Hey!

- How you doing?
- The hat?

- Hey!
- You got the hardhat on.

OK.
- What's going on?

- I came to help.

What's up, Dave?
- How you doing?

- You came to help?
- Hello, queen.

- You guys look great.

- You came to help
in high heels?

- Heels can come off.
I just left the store.

- Hey, the more, the merrier,
man. We need help.

- I came here for you,
whatever you need me to do.

I want to bring lunch.
I want to help.

- Your wife do this for you?
- No, no, no, no.

If my wife did do this,
I wouldn't be divorced.

[laughter]

- See?

I have to get my husband
on board with

Kisha using my eggs
and a surrogate.

I need to butter him up and
let him know that I love him

and that I really,
really want his support

and his OK on this process.

I brought a blanket.
This is gonna be nice.

It's really nice.

- This is not like Yandy
to pop up unexpectedly,

bringing me lunch.

- I'm gonna go take
a look over here to--

- Yeah.

- I got you some
garlic spinach.

- I think she's trying to

definitely get something
from me.

So talk to me.
What made you do all this?

What's the special occasion?

- I can't just want to
bring you lunch and show up?

- No, you don't do that.

- Can I have one
of your shrimp?

- Yeah, sure. Eat up.
- Thank you.

So I went out the
other day with Kisha,

and she just opened up
to me about what's going on

with the pregnancy journey.

And she found out
from the doctors

that, um,
she can't carry the baby.

- Then I can't move forward
with that.

- She's not gonna be
able to carry the baby.

Um, so now, we're gonna
have to get a surrogate.

But with the surrogate, we're
going to still use my egg,

that's if, you know, I can
get you on board with this.

- Why don't she just adopt?

- She doesn't want to,
Mendeecees.

She wants to have a baby
that has her DNA,

that looks like us,
that she feels like is

a part of her heritage,
her culture.

- Let me ask you this.
She don't have no one in--

in the family else
that can do it?

You the only one?

- I'm her sister,
her only sister.

- Listen, you're not her
sister. You're her cousin.

- Mendeecees,
that is my sister.

- But, listen,
but I'm your husband.

- Yeah, but--
- So legally, that's our child.

- It's not your child.

You have nothing
to do with this baby.

- I'm your husband.
- No, Mendeecees.

- What are you talking about?
- No, no.

- And who's paying for that?

Because that's a lot of money
from what I hear.

- Well, I thought that we'd
help Kisha with this process.

- What?

I'm already not on board
with Yandy donating her eggs

to Kisha, but now she
wants us to help financially?

This is like a rough time

because we are investing
in our business.

You know,
she just bought her dad house.

This is very expensive.

And I'm telling you,
Yandy don't think.

She just goes.

And to be able to bring this
on me today, it's tough.

- Kisha has been
through a very rough journey

trying to have a baby,
like so many other women.

We've been blessed.
We've never had an issue.

We don't understand
the hurt and the pain

that so many women
have to go through

when they're trying
to bear children.

I want you to
support me in this.

I want you to make
this easy for me.

I don't want to argue with you.

For me to be able
to do this, like,

I have to get my eggs prepared.
I have to start taking shots.

I'm supposed to start
the shots next week.

God-willing my eggs
are healthy,

let's just see if
we can get through that.

- Yeah, but it seems like you
made your mind up without me,

and that's disrespectful.

It's just confusing
at this point.

And you just want to help and
I understand that, I get it.

You love your cousin.

And you want to do
anything you can

to make sure that she's happy.

- You know if me and you
wanted to have a baby,

Kisha would have
our baby for us.

Do you doubt that?

If the roles were reversed and
you wanted to have children,

do you doubt that
she would do this for you?

[soft dramatic music]

- Yandy has a point.

Kisha would do anything for us,

but there's a lot to wrap
my head around.

We need to have
more discussions.

Let's just sit down.

Let's talk to
somebody and let's

get properly educated before
you start taking shots.

- All right, but can you
just keep an open mind?

No matter what,
if it's a baby of Kisha's,

it's a baby of ours.

Just be open-minded.

- Listen, I don't appreciate
you coming here like this,

but I'm gonna eat this food.
- You don't appreciate it?

- Not with that news.

- I thought this would
make you very happy.

- No.

I knew something
was behind all this.

I [bleep] knew it.

- Coming up on
"Love & Hip Hop Atlanta."

- When I was your age,
I used to come to school and

I used to write everything that
the teacher was telling me.

Guess what? I'm now
a successful Black woman.

- Mama said she was trying
to speak to the babies,

and she hung up the phone.

- I said, damn, why you hang up
the phone? What's going on?

- * On my way to the top
and there ain't no stopping *

* On my way to the top
and there ain't no stopping *

[upbeat music]

* *

- Hi, bestie!
- Hi!

- Gwaan, gwaan!
[blows kiss]

* *

- Hey, twin.
What's happening today?

- Oh, you found me!
Y'all want to eat?

- Yeah.
- They have jerk chicken.

So we're at
the Belize Festival.

I'm taking my kids on tour
with me for the entire summer.

And the girls are
here to celebrate.

And we're doing
this grand healing journey

right here in Belize.

I'm just super excited
and I'm grateful to God

for helping me
to overcome everything

that I've been through.

I'm glad y'all get
the chance to come.

- This is a big deal.
- It's a very big day.

- No, it really is.
- And we have a lot to do.

We have the spiritual healing.

But after we leave here,
we're going

to go to a charity event.

We're going to give
back to the kids.

- Oh, yeah, I love that.

- Um, so the kids are
here just to remind

them to always give back.

So I think that's
going to be good.

When I almost died, I remember
thinking about my kids.

And one thing that
really bothered me

was the fact that I didn't
get to visit

a lot of places with my kids.

So here they are,
they're on tour with me.

And I love the
fact that they're

getting to experience
these different culture

and places that I've seen.

Where's Shekinah?
- I'm right here! What?

- Shekinah!
- I got to eat.

[laughter]
[shouts with mouth full]

Girl, [bleep].

* *

- I have my Grace Hamilton
Women Empowerment Foundation.

And I always try to reach out
to an education system

to find out how I can give back
to that community.

Hello!
all: Hello!

- And so today, we wanted
to reach out to the kids

and deliver books and bags.

How are you feeling today?
[kids shouting joyfully]

That's what I'm talking about!
Can I tell you a story?

all: Yes!

- When I was your age
and I was going to school,

I used to go to school
with no books.

You know why
I couldn't go with books?

Because my mom couldn't
afford to give me a book.

And so what I used to do,
I used to come to school

and I used to get
pieces of paper

and I used to write everything
that the teacher was telling me

because I wanted to be
a successful woman

when I get older.
And guess what?

It worked out for
me pretty good

because I'm now
a successful Black woman,

queen of the dance hall,
I'm Grammy-nominated.

And if I can do it,
you can do it too.

So give yourself
round of applause.

[applause]

I want you to
believe in yourself.

And I want you to set your
dreams and your goals.

I want you to write them down.

Think about what you
want to be in the future,

and you're going to aim for it.

And you're never ever going
to stop and give up

no matter what
until you get there.

OK?

- This was just
beautiful for me.

And it's healed me
a little bit.

It made me feel good
to see the kids laughing

and telling me what color
book bag they want.

Like, it makes me feel
good to put a smile

on other people face.

- Thank you, ladies,
for having me.

I love you guys so, so much.
[cheers and applause]

- * Take a ride, take a ride,
take a ride, take a ride *

* Take a ride, take a ride,
take a ride with me *

* Take a ride, take a ride,
take a ride, take a ride *

* Take a ride, take a ride,
won't you ride with me *

- I just wish it
was something like--

- Oh, ain't going through
the trees right here.

- That one's going
through the trees.

- We're at the zip line
obstacle course.

Now, I know what
you're thinking,

Scrap, you got asthma,
you afraid of heights.

All the above, but I'm trying
to show Miss Erica Dixon that,

hey, I'ma risk it all
for you, Jack.

You feel me?

Levels of difficulty.
- What's the obstacle courses?

- Like tight ropes or, uh,

uneven planks
that you walk across.

- In the air?
- Yeah.

- Yup.
- It sounds scary.

It's really not.

You're hooked in
the whole time,

so even if you do, like,
slip or get nervous,

you are hooked in.

- Let him go first.
- No, ladies first. Remember?

- Nuh-uh.
No, what you talking--

Scrappy and I really are just
having a good time together.

I'm just grateful
we're in this space.

It's no beef.
It's no drama.

Like, we can actually
have conversations.

I want us to continue to build

and just get back
to how we used to be.

- Oh, God.

[suspenseful music]

Oh, [bleep]!
- [laughs]

- [bleep] No!

Lord, help me!
Lord, please help me today.

Oh, [bleep].
[bleep].

- I am very happy for Scrappy
that the divorce is final.

I honestly can see that he's
getting back to being himself.

He's silly.
He's goofy. It is good.

You not hugging that tree.
- Yes.

- You having fun, though?
- No.

I'm just trying
to stay focused,

but I'm nervous as [bleep].

I'm, like,
sweating out my drawers.

You know what I'm saying?

I came out here
to be courageous.

You know what I'm saying?

So Erica, like, you know
what I'm saying, I'm--

[scoffs] the hell?

But, God damn, I can't wait

to get back on that
solid-ass ground again.

I need to be level.

- She did her things.
It's cute.

- Come on.
You got your key?

Out of all this craziness
me and Erica done been through

and the stuff that Emani and I
had to witness and go through,

and now
she's a whole grown woman.

She's finna be out there
doing her thing.

So now I'm looking at Emani,
doing something

I never done in my life.
You know what I'm saying?

Never been to college.

It's a blessing.

- I'm happy for this new
experience for her,

but I just--
it's hard.

Now I get it,
like how moms be like,

oh, I just--
it's so different.

I go look at her
room every day.

I'm just like, she's not here.

I look at Emani
and I'm just proud.

I mean, there's no handbook
to parenting.

And I just think Scrappy
and I did a hell of a job.

Awoo!

[upbeat music]

Ooh! Shoot.
- Oh, [bleep].

[distressed sigh]

- You did it.
- Oh.

- I honestly hope
that our relationship

just continues to blossom and
we can just continue to grow.

I mean, it's a good start.
Baby steps, you know?

There you go.
See?

- [heavy breathing]

- [chuckles] You know,
after we stopped and got

something to eat, after
we dropped Emani off at school,

Momma Dee was really sad.

- Why the hell was she sad?
She always sad about something.

- No, because she--

remember you answered the
FaceTime to talk to Bri?

She said she was trying
to speak to the babies,

and she hung up the phone.

- Oh, she hung up the phone,
huh?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Erica never let what her and my
mama had going on

get in between my mama
and Emani relationship.

Everybody know I love them.

And everybody know
I love my mom.

I can't wait for the day that
we all could get together.

It'd be cool for the kids, man.

- She was sad.
I feel bad for her.

- I said, damn, why you,
uh, gonna hang up the phone?

Gonna hang up the FaceTime when
my mama talking to Charlotte?

Like, like, what going on?

Like, but I don't care.
It don't mess with me.

It mess with them kids.
You know what I'm saying?

Because they be--they supposed
to know they whole family.

You know what I'm saying?
- That's true.

- Not just Bam's family,
supposed to know everybody.

- I just feel bad for her.

Talking about Emani, you know,
her going off to college.

And she was just like,
you know, one thing,

you let me be in Emani's life.

And I was like, yeah, I did.

Back in the days, Momma Dee
and I didn't get along.

Everybody knows that.
We always had our issues.

But if Bambi just steps back,
let Momma Dee

be a grandmother,
she will be one.

She's actually
a really great grandmother.

- Yeah.

- Well, hopefully everything
will work itself out.

- It will.
- [sighs]

- Coming up on
"Love & Hip Hop Atlanta."

[conch blowing]

- Ask God to give you
good health in life.

- What did you say
about my health?

- You're put to sleep, a needle
goes through your vagina.

- Needle in the vagina?
- Correct.

- * On my way to the top *
and there ain't no stopping *

- * On my way to the top *
and there ain't no stopping *

[upbeat music]

* *

- * DJ, DJ *

* DJ, DJ *

* DJ, DJ *

- You ladies ready?
- Yes.

- Yeah.
- Yes, I'm excited.

So today, we're going
to a historical temple

before my show tonight.

And I don't know
what to expect.

But I'm excited to be still

on my healing journey here
in Belize.

- * One dance *

* Just give me one dance *

* Give me one dance *

* You're dealing
with the goddess *

* Before the next one,
give me one dance *

* *

- Welcome, welcome.
- Hey.

* *

- So how old is this place?

- One of the oldest
temples right here

dates back to about 200 B.C.

And it survived up
until about 1,200 A.D.

- 200 B.C.?
- Yeah, yeah.

- You hear that?
- And it's survived--

- Y'all not getting into this.
Y'all on the phone.

- And it's survived up until--

- That's 200 years
before Christ came.

- Yes.

- I feel privileged
to be experiencing

the grounds of such
an historic place.

I'm learning a lot today.

Even though I
don't know anything

about this kind of religion.

I'm just trying to process
everything at the moment.

I'm trying to figure it out
as we go.

[conch blowing]

- So these are
the local shamans.

And they will be
blessing you guys today.

[soft suspenseful music]

* *

- In a place like
this will have, like,

the type of cleansing energy
we need.

All of us are bringing some
type of baggage with us,

something that
we want to heal from,

something we want to let go.

And I definitely feel peace
and calm in my spirit

during the ceremony.

I feel like I'm leaving
a lot of baggage and trauma

here in Belize,
right here at the ruins.

- Here, to bless you,
to guide you.

Nobody should
break this energy. OK?

- I try to do right by people.

I try--I treat everybody like
I want somebody to treat me.

- Yes.

- But I always get
the ass end of the stick.

- You will keep doing good.

Big things will start
to come to you.

Let no one break
down good energy.

- Right.
- Or good intentions.

- I feel good on the trip.

I mean,
I'm really trying to heal.

That was a blessing.

He said, keep going,
keep being how you are.

So I can appreciate it.

- What did you say
about my health?

- You stress up yourself.
So don't let the stress--

- It don't.
- Affect you.

- Oh, my God.

How did he even
know that I'm really

stressing about my health?

Because I have another
hernia surgery to do again.

But I'm alive, and I just
need to live in the moment

and leave it to God
and let it be.

- Oh, that was deep.

- I felt some type
of spirit of peace.

And I can't lie,
it was something here today.

What did you mean
about me being confused?

Because I'm actually going
through a divorce right now.

- There--there's confusion,
but you need--

you need to start analyzing
your life.

OK?
- Mm-hmm.

- And think about
whether it's--

it's--it's--it's what
you want, or it's something

that you need to let go.
- Mm.

I wanted a sign
to make sure that I

was just doing the right
thing by divorcing Eric.

And this man don't know me
from a can of paint

and he really had
a message from God for me,

for all of us that
gave us some type of clarity.

And I feel like it was needed.

I just feel at peace.
I feel good, I really do.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Thank you so much.
- It's a pleasure.

- Thank you.

- * Every time you think
you've touched the goal *

* You find another door
that's closed *

* Yeah *

- Hi.
- How you doing?

- Good.
It's good to see you.

- Thank you.
- How are you?

- Good.

Mendeecees has all kind
of questions.

And I really feel like
him hearing that this

is a safe process,
that so many women do this,

I'm just hoping and praying
that Mendeecees

gets all his questions
answered

and the doctors can take us
to the next step.

- I think maybe it's best
we do, like, a recap.

So you would like to have
a baby using your eggs...

- Yes.

- Right,
and using a surrogate?

- Yes.
- Right?

Correct.

So you will be undergoing
a process called IVF.

What that entails
is, Yandy, you'll

be taking shots to basically
make your follicles bigger.

And once we see the follicles
are big, they're put to sleep,

a needle goes
through your vagina,

and we extract the eggs.

- A needle in the vagina?
- Correct.

That's how we--that's
how we get the eggs out.

- What the hell?

I don't know.

I'm just like, golly,
it's a lot that goes into this.

- So the process with the IVF--
- Mm-hmm?

- It's going to
take approximately

a month to two months?

- The shots just
take about two weeks.

Mm-hmm.

- And then to transfer,
do you have--

is there a waiting period?

- Well, we would
need a surrogate.

If you have a surrogate ready,

the transfer could happen
within a month or two.

- I'm just so thankful
that my sister and her--

and my brother-in-law
would just

allow me the opportunity to--
to have a family of my own.

How selfless of her to want to
put her body through something

like this for me or anyone.

It's a lot.

- But, you know,
I don't think it's a big deal.

I don't want to have any
more children that I've

personally raised of my own.

- Mm-hmm.

- So instead of my eggs
going to waste,

I can endure shots, I can--

- Can you find an egg
that looks more like Kisha

than Yandy?
[music slows down and stops]

- We don't have
that kind of technology.

- [chuckles]

- Do you hear what
you are saying?

This is not going good.

I think this is
just not going good.

I feel like I am in
"The Twilight Zone" right now.

- It's just now finding
who's going to carry.

- So now we just have
to get the surrogate.

- OK, so finding someone
to carry, is that expensive?

- It can be, it can be.

An agency will be the best
person to give you,

like, the pricing.

- But that's
separate from the IVF?

- Correct.

- I heard it's anywhere
from $75,000 to $150,000.

- Possibly.

Again, I don't want to say so,

and the agency gives you like
a different price sheet.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- I feel better coming to this
appointment because

I need to be in this
decision-making.

We need to understand
exactly what we doing

so if we execute, we can
feel good about that decision.

Yeah, so it was, uh, a whole
lot to take in, you know?

Um, listen, your tears
almost broke me down.

You know, you've been a mom
to our kids from day one

and you deserve to be a mom
to your own kids.

- I love your babies.

They can have whatever kidney,
whatever liver.

- Right, so--
- So--

- I just--you know.

- Oh, my God.
- Let's go.

I'm gonna give you a hug.
- Oh, don't make me cry.

- Mendeecees hasn't signed off
on this process,

but I'm hoping that hug
is full of words unsaid,

like, this is gonna happen,

we're going to do this
together as a family.

- Golly.

- Coming up on
"Love & Hip Hop Atlanta."

- Part of our traumas is
having a baby at 15 years old.

- We had them kids
at 15 years old and stuff.

- We?
- We.

I had an abortion at about 15.
- Shekinah.

- * On my way to the top
and there ain't no stopping *

- * On my way to the top
and there ain't no stopping *

- * Oh, what to do *

* You know what to say *

* Just to make things
go your way *

* You know what to do *

* You know what to say *

* Just to make things
go your way *

* *

- Man, this is a blessing.
You know what I'm saying?

I'm adjusting to
this new single life,

you know what I'm saying,
adjusting to this new home

God blessed me with.

It feels good, man.

I'm ready to whip it up
right now.

- What about my sausage?
I don't get no sausage?

- I got some sausage.

- Ah!
[laughs]

Mm.

I don't get no sausage
for real, though?

- Huh?
- I want a little piece.

- You want a piece?
- I do.

I just want to sample it.
- I got you, I got you.

- I'm eating it.

- Hard not to have
some real nice--

- Sausage.
And I get sausage in my mouth.

* *

- [laughs]

Listen, man.
Me and Diamond, we having fun.

I'm single, she's single.

I'm not dating
both Erica and Diamond.

I'm just living right now.

I don't want to
speak on the future.

You know what I'm saying?

I love Diamond and
I really, really love Erica.

At the same time, I just don't
want to move fast with nobody

but I just want
to enjoy myself.

I want them to enjoy they life.

- I saw you was out
with Ms. Dixon.

How's college?
- Oh, it was good.

Dropped off.

- You and Erica?
- Mm-hmm, and Mama.

- Momma Dee.
- Yeah.

We all took her down there.

You know, just out
there having fun.

I really was just
happy that we all

could be together like
that, you know what

I'm saying, without a problem.

- Your divorce is final,
you in peace.

- I'm still,
you know what I'm saying,

I be having them days
where I'd be like, damn,

like I was just married, like.

But, you know,
even though people

be trying to act like
you had something

to do with the divorce and
stuff like that, I be--

I would have to check them
because I'd be like, man,

it was horrible
before it even got there.

Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

- It was, like, crazy.

I've just been trying to,
like, take it easy.

Going through
the [bleep] divorce,

I was [bleep] hurt and just--

- You was not yourself.
- Not myself.

Curled up,
you know what I'm saying,

like a little puppy dog.
You know what I'm saying?

I thought it was going to be
horrible after my divorce,

but I have peace.

I just want peace.
I want happiness.

So listen, so I know,
you know what I'm saying,

you been down for me,
you've been there for me,

and I appreciate that.

Hopefully in a minute,
you know what I'm saying,

I can eat a little bit
off the plate.

- So you talking
about the future?

- Mm-hmm.
- So what's your timeline?

- I ain't got a timeline.
I was just--

- It ain't no--
it ain't no rush.

I'm just asking.
- No, I'm having fun.

Cheers to you.

Damn.
- [laughs]

- It's your face.

And we should do something fun
one of these days.

- I would love that.
- Yes.

And you ain't got no--

- Entanglement.
- Entanglements going on.

- Nah.
- You ain't got no triangles.

- Me? Me?

Nah, I'm good.
- Really?

That--
- We outside.

- We outside.
- [laughs]

- [smooches]

[quirky upbeat music]

- You better stop.

- You better stop.

- I'm just gonna go lay
down real quick, take a nap.

- OK.

Oh, wow.

Blanca, you gonna go with her?
- Come on.

[smooches]
Come on, Blanca.

- Nah, you my dog.

Yeah, you hear me.
Come here.

Bring your ass, cuz.
Don't do that. [chuckles]

Don't ever do that, OK?
[chuckles]

Ever get it twisted
who feeds you, OK?

- * On my way to the top
and there ain't no stopping *

- * On my way to the top
and there ain't no stopping *

- * Swing, batter, batter,
show us what you got *

* Slide, who's the baddest
on the block? *

* Head to head *

* We gonna tear
this place apart *

- I want to really be
with a man

that's financially,
financially stable.

- Do you feel like you're--

you're addicted to getting
married or something?

- OK, this is
what it is for me.

I have to heal my traumas.

Like, me and Renni was talking
about, a part of our traumas

is having a baby
at 15 years old.

- Yeah.

- So once you go through that
trauma at such a young age,

anything after that,
you're looking for that feeling

because you feel like,
oh, I just

need to be in a relationship,

oh, I just need to be
with somebody.

- Like we had them kids
at 15 years old and stuff.

- We?
- We.

I had a abortion at
about 15, 16, too.

- What?
- Shut up. You know that.

You took it--yeah.

- You never told me it
was when you were 15.

- But when we--

- Stop brushing off
your things.

- We got to talk about it.

- You're always
in people's business.

Girl, you want to talk
about your business.

- Girl, everybody
know that I had--

- No, I don't know that.

- Me having a abortion
at 15 years old, it was sad.

It was bittersweet because I
think I really wanted my baby.

But it wasn't time
for me to keep my baby.

I did what my family thought
was best for me,

and that's just what it was.

And I don't hate my family.

I resent them
for making me do that.

- Have you ever been pregnant
any time after that?

- Yeah.
- At what age?

- By 24.

- Shekinah.

You are hurting over it...
- I don't want to.

- So stop trying to hide
your pain and your trauma.

Your eyes are watering.
- Oh, my God.

- I cannot believe--
- Yes, you are.

You are hurting.
- Stop!

- So stop.
- I can't do it.

- No, I'm not gonna stop.

- Did it traumatize me?
Yes.

I ended up dropping out
of school and everything

behind this [bleep].

- Now I can hug you
because you spoke--

- You ain't [bleep].

It's OK, but you ain't [bleep].
- I love you.

- I love you, too.

- I feel like we're
in a community

of healing right now.

And we gave her
the opportunity to feel safe.

I'm really just gonna continue
to encourage Shekinah,

help her to heal
in whatever way that she can

to get over that decision
that she made

that has been haunting her.

- I've never seen you be, like,
that vulnerable and stuff.

Like, that mean, like,
what we doing is working.

- Yeah.
- For all of us.

- That's what the trip is for.

- And whatever--baby steps,
even if it's just a little bit

of saying, you know what,
I am traumatized by it,

but I do understand it, my--
- No, that's why we're here.

- You're so used to [bleep].
- On this trip.

This is your own personal stuff
that you got going on.

- Yeah, it's gonna
be all right.

- It will be.
- Damn.

- Feel that glory.
- It will be, my--

- I enjoyed you releasing it.

- I know, I know.
- I'm glad you released that.

- Me too.

I had no idea that this
is still affecting me.

And I guess that's something
that needed to come out

from all those years I've
been having it buckled in.

And I'm happy that I was
able to talk and get it out.

- When I found out
I was pregnant,

I was so scared
to tell my mama.

And when I told my mama, she
said, whatever you want to do,

I'm gonna support you.
And that's all she said.

Every hardship,
when I look back now,

even an abortion,
my mama stay right there.

I had found out I was pregnant

two weeks before
Fu got locked up.

And I wanted to keep that baby.
I wanted that baby so bad.

But it just started
reminding me of my kids

that I just took care of kids
for a whole eight years

while somebody was
gone, you know?

- Wow.
- Like, it was just a lot.

But when he left, it was like,
you know what,

I don't know when I'm coming
home and I don't want you

out there by yourself
like that.

So we made
the decision together

to not go through with it.

I can relate to Shekinah more
than she probably understands.

I was lucky enough to have
a very supportive mom.

And talking about this with my
like-minded sisters is good,

but it also brings up trauma,
anxiety, suppressed feelings.

And I don't really know how
to handle all that right now.

- You know what I'm saying?
- We almost there?

- Feel sick?
- Yeah.

- You gonna throw up?
- You want a water?

- She got to throw up.

[dramatic music]

- Pull this bitch over.
[indistinct] I feel it.

- Give me that bag,
give me that bag.

[indistinct chatter]

* *

- What you ate this morning?

- Oh, yeah.
What is that?

- What is this?
- I don't know.

But it ain't start doing this

until my kidneys
started bothering me.

- OK, relax.

- They're going to need to
get out and get back in.

- Ooh, so happy to--

- All of a sudden,
I'm feeling

really lightheaded, dizzy,
nauseous, hot, and I'm shaking.

And I just don't understand
what's going on right now.

- Hey, you want to
give this water to her?

- She's shaking again.
- She's shaking bad.

- Her hands is shaking
really, really bad.

- Want to just pour
a little water on her neck?

- [coughs]
- No, it's--

- Hey, Doc. My friend,
she's having real bad shakes.

- I just got real lightheaded.

- She has a hole
in her kidney too.

- [coughing]

[dramatic music]

- Next on
"Love & Hip Hop Atlanta."

- Maybe we can invite some
of my little Atlanta friends.

You know, can I show you off?

- That's just not something
that I'm excited to dive into.

- I want you to
be on this record.

Actually, Erica Banks, she got
on this song a long time ago.

- The song you
want me to be on?

- Yes.

- Super excited for you.

Your sound's great.
You look great.

You just, you know, you've
got to work on your duck walk.

- The duck walk was bad?

- You need to learn
how to duck walk.

- Water, water.

- Been having several
panic attacks.

- Oh, my God.

- You got to go
to the hospital.

- [sobbing]
- Just breathe.

- My mouth is numb, y'all.