Original subtitles

- * MTV *

- Previously on "Love & Hip Hop Atlanta."

- We all have healing to do.

- There's a lot of [bleep] that I've been running from.

- You're going to tap into your PTSD.

You've got to let it out. Do you have--

- [screams] - Get it out!

Yes, get it out!

- You know Kisha been trying to have a baby?

I'm going to give her one of my eggs.

- If Yandy gives Kisha an egg,

that's Yandy child she's carrying, right?

- No. - No.

- Listen, y'all crazy.

- You're not gonna deny this of me!

- Don't do that.

Don't do that. Don't walk away.

[dramatic music]

- So where do you and Diamond stand?

- I want to appreciate you. You've always been there.

- [slight giggle] - You touching my ass.

You so sexy. You just came out like that?

- I did. So what you want, young Scrap?

* *

[upbeat music]

- * I drink my coffee in the morning *

* When I wake up, no yawning *

* Got to stay up, got to get it all done *

- Let's see what you got.

- * Got places to be like a Taurus *

- Oh. - Oh, no.

Came right back to me.

- With my grandmother passing and my divorce

and this whole fallout with Bambi,

I need a day where I could just really

put all of this craziness to the side.

So today, I invited Spice and Spice's kids

to play mini-golf with me, Mason,

my son, and Shekinah Jo.

* *

- Oh, [bleep]. - [chuckles]

- She went up through it.

- Oh. - Oh?

Yeah, baby.

- Why the [bleep] I can't hit this goddamn ball?

- Take your time and concentrate.

- [laughs] - One, two, three.

- No. - Now, see,

you're gonna knock the [bleep] out of somebody in a minute.

You know what?

I'm not a golfer either,

but Sierra ass damn sure don't know how to play golf.

First, your ass running away from marriages.

Now, your ass running away from these balls.

What are we doing, Sierra?

- Hey! - Hey, guys.

- Hey! - Hi.

- Hey, Nicholas. - What's up?

- Why I just want him to be a baby so bad?

- I know. - Hi.

- You look cute. You smell good.

- Hey, sis. - Hi, sis!

[upbeat music]

- Damn. - You got it, girl.

- Aw! - Oh, that was good.

- OK, Ma-- - All right, Mason.

* *

- Ah! - Ah!

- Let me show you how it really done.

- Show us. - OK, go ahead.

Go ahead, so let's see. - You look good in them heels.

I ain't never seen nobody play golf in heels.

- Oh! [overlapping chatter]

- Ooh! [laughter]

- Wait a minute.

- I need to do this more often with the kids, though.

I like this. - Yeah, we do, we do.

- Where I fit in it? I don't have no kids.

- You the crazy auntie, [bleep].

- No, they're here now because, you know,

they're out of school.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- And I'ma take them with me on tour.

So everyone will go with me, I carry them all to the show.

But I want you to come.

I want both of you to come to Belize.

- Really? - What?

- Yeah. - Belize, bitch?

- Oh, yeah!

- Oh, my God, we would love to do that.

- Of course. I want you to come.

- We coming.

- My bags are packed, bitch, at the door!

And I'm ready to go! Passport ready!

- I want to invite Renni too. - Oh, that'd be so good.

- I love her.

But, you know, me and her, we connected more

because we wanted to do anger management.

You know, that kind of opened my mind

a little bit because I'm on this healing journey.

I just want to be a better person.

My approach to my new life was a little bit wrong

because of my trauma.

Boot camp showed me that all of my past traumas

and everything that I've been through

is really what's affecting my attitude and my behavior.

I'm ready to take on another journey of healing.

And I'm just ready for my new walk.

So on this trip, when we go to Belize,

I want to take it a little bit further.

It's like a spiritual thing that they're

known for in Belize.

Belize is definitely a cultural place of healing.

It's beautiful. The people there is nice.

The ambiance, the food. I'm excited for us.

- That sounds so good, Spice. I need something like that.

When I tell y'all, emotionally,

I've been going through so much [bleep].

- And I know you just lost your grandma.

- I just lost my grandma.

It's just so much. - It's been a lot.

- It's just so much on me.

And I feel like I'm-- I act off of impulse.

And I'm tired of doing that,

but I've really been working on it.

And this trip can really help me

take my healing to the next level.

It's been hard for me to grieve the loss of my grandmother

because I've been going through so much [bleep] with Eric.

And then on top of that, I have four major companies

and I'm a mom.

So it's just a lot that I really

need to tap into and ask myself,

Sierra, are you really OK? Because I'm not.

But we'll see. We'll see how it go.

We got to check on these kids, though, for real now.

- I know. [laughs]

- [bleep].

- This [bleep] gonna close down, girl.

We got to go. - Yeah, we got to go.

They gonna call the police on us.

- Sure.

- * I wished upon a star or two, a star to you *

* I told you nowadays it's when it's hard to lose *

* I'm on to you but I won't do no harm to you *

* We on the move *

* I take you on a ride just like a carnival *

* Whoa *

* But I can't love ya *

* *

- Ooh.

I'm gonna start getting my shots soon

so that Kisha can use my eggs to have a baby of her own.

But I also want to try some holistic things

and take a really healthy approach to this situation.

- Hey. - Oh, hey!

- How you doing? We drinking tea?

- We've been drinking-- - Spiked with what?

Nah.

- Normally, I am the type of woman to feel like

this is my body, this is my egg,

these are my choices, but I want my husband on board.

He should be a part of this process with me.

So this is difficult.

* *

- Oh, this place is beautiful. What brings me here?

- I just wanted to, you know,

make sure I'm really prepping my body for this.

I'm trying to make sure my eggs are at its healthiest point.

Like, I want to make sure-- - I have so much to tell you.

I feel like, you know, God put this in your heart

to help me with this journey.

You my sister. You my love. You my baby.

But I just had my meeting with the doctor,

and it was not good news, so--

- What do you mean? - Um...

[dramatic music]

They found five fibroid. - Five more?

- Five more fibroid. And, uh, my uterus is enlarged.

And I have endometriosis.

So I can either do another surgery,

which will be four surgeries.

- A surgery to do what? - To remove the fibroids.

And that will set back another whole year

to have my uterus repair itself

and then go through the process of carrying a child.

I don't want to put myself through that no more.

Mentally, physically, emotionally,

I don't want to go through it,

so I'm not gonna have another surgery to remove the fibroids.

I don't know.

I've just been, like, an emotional roller coaster.

[sniffles] And I've just got to figure it out

and just somehow just pray through it.

I don't know.

- Hearing Kisha can't carry her own baby, she is so broken.

And if this were my reality, I would probably feel

just like her, like, what is wrong with me?

Why is this not happening for me?

I just feel horrible right now.

However it has to go, I'm here, Kisha, you know?

I know you have so many concerns and--

- Yeah, I'll get a surrogate

to carry your eggs, and then, you know,

we'll go from there.

It's a journey, and I'm OK with it.

- Motherhood looks different for everybody.

But I think surrogacy is a beautiful thing.

It's been heartbreaking watching her go through,

trying to have a baby naturally

then going through the in vitro process,

and now she can't carry the baby.

I'm hoping that when Mendeecees hears the news,

he will be empathetic and just feels like this is something

we as a family have to come together on.

I just don't want Kisha to lose hope,

so I have to figure this out for her.

I'm here with you.

I'm here with you till the end of this journey.

- I know you are. [sniffles]

- Mm. - [sighs and sniffles]

- Coming up on "Love & Hip Hop Atlanta."

- What's the obstacle courses?

- Like tight ropes, uneven planks that you walk across.

- In the air? - Yeah.

- Yup.

- Oh, [...]!

- Kisha found out that she can't carry the baby.

- I can't move forward with that.

- You about to throw up?

- I just got real lightheaded.

[coughing]

- My friend, she's having real bad shakes.

- * On my way to the top and there ain't no stopping *

- * On my way to the top and there ain't no stopping *

- * Lights up, this is how we're feeling *

* Look so appealing *

* [rapping indistinctly] *

- Ooh. - Yeah.

- Oh, it's pretty out here.

- Ooh, wee. It's so hot.

- It's hot as hell.

is trip to Belize is gonna be great for all of us.

I feel like we all have different things

that we're dealing with that we all need to heal from.

It's the right group of girls right now.

We need each other.

- Can we please just, like, let our hair down

and really have, like, a good-ass time?

- That's why it's us here. - I got to.

- I feel like-- - I got to.

- I feel like us four... - I got to breathe.

- It's gonna be a good time. - A vibe.

Yeah. - Yeah.

- I need some healing.

Today is my one-year anniversary.

- That you've been married to this [bleep].

- And I decided to let it go.

He made me think and plant it in my head

that it was something wrong with my parenting.

Eric said he didn't want nobody with kids.

I should have just took that as a sign

that he didn't want to be with me.

You didn't want to be with nobody with kids.

- I just don't want to talk to you.

I didn't, I didn't.

- Did you want somebody with kids?

- No, I did not, but I [bleep]--

- You act like it too. - But I still--I still--

- Your ass [bleep] act like it.

- Sierra don't wanna bust that boy head.

- She don't. - No.

Y'all, stop. It's serious.

Even though me and Eric is going through so much,

I got to say that I love and appreciate him

for coming through for my grandma's funeral.

And he did not leave my side, not one time.

And I'm not gonna lie, I don't want to give Eric

mixed emotions, but I just want to make sure

that I'm doing the right thing by leaving him.

So while I'm here, I just want to get some type

of, um, clarity, and I hope I get that.

- Sierra, I want to help you get

through it because I want you to help

me get through my [bleep]. - What?

What's your [bleep], Shekinah? - Just everything.

Funeral home, revamping my life,

trying to be more professional, um--

- You didn't get a boyfriend?

- I want one. I think it's time.

- You should go on like some blind--

we should get her, like, some blind dates or something.

- I really want to do a series of dating.

Like, I want to date. - Blind date.

- I went online-- - You keep switching it up.

- And y'all, like-- - But it's got to be some--

it got to be some-- some rich head.

- Some rich-ass-- - Not no bull[bleep].

- I'm tired of these broke-ass [bleep].

- A rich-ass man.

- He broke, looking for a pork chop.

Looking for something to lay on.

I don't want him to lay on me.

It's time for Shekinah Jo to start dating!

I'm in the streets, baby!

This trip is about emotional healing,

but it's time for me some sexual healing.

This thing ain't been tapped in a minute.

[chuckles] She getting cobwebs.

- I think on online applications,

they need to tell the size of they penises.

- [laughs] - I don't even got the time.

- Oh, the penis matter? - What?

- I don't like them big.

- I don't want them too big, but, baby,

I don't want [bleep] small.

- When they fat and they've got strength,

I'm all right with that. - A little short?

- Not that short, but I--

- Make up for what he missing now, then I'm all right.

- Yeah, I don't want no big, gigantic

anaconda-type [bleep].

- No, I don't want [bleep] too big.

- Honestly, I don't even want to do all that work.

I'd rather you just real small with a lot of money.

- Yeah, real small with a lot of money.

- We can get this over real quick.

- Give me what I want. He can be ugly too.

You can be ugly, fat, all that,

just have the money and like me.

- Yeah.

* *

- * That's why I see 'em from the top *

[upbeat music]

* *

* That's why I see 'em from the top *

- Right now, we got in two more weeks.

We got the property being torn down.

You've got to get rid of all these trees.

- How much are they charging?

$600 a tree? - Yeah.

- So I'm meeting with the realtor today

to talk about the demolition of this lot right here.

And this is going to be like a $3 million house.

And I'm really trying to pre-sell it

before we even touch the dirt.

I think if we can sell this in pre-sell,

I'll sleep better at night.

- 100% with you. I'm with that.

That's what we should do. - Right?

- Hey, fellas. - Like I said, tuxedo--

hey, queen! - Hey!

- How you doing? - The hat?

- Hey! - You got the hardhat on.

OK. - What's going on?

- I came to help.

What's up, Dave? - How you doing?

- You came to help? - Hello, queen.

- You guys look great.

- You came to help in high heels?

- Heels can come off. I just left the store.

- Hey, the more, the merrier, man. We need help.

- I came here for you, whatever you need me to do.

I want to bring lunch. I want to help.

- Your wife do this for you? - No, no, no, no.

If my wife did do this, I wouldn't be divorced.

[laughter]

- See?

I have to get my husband on board with

Kisha using my eggs and a surrogate.

I need to butter him up and let him know that I love him

and that I really, really want his support

and his OK on this process.

I brought a blanket. This is gonna be nice.

It's really nice.

- This is not like Yandy to pop up unexpectedly,

bringing me lunch.

- I'm gonna go take a look over here to--

- Yeah.

- I got you some garlic spinach.

- I think she's trying to

definitely get something from me.

So talk to me. What made you do all this?

What's the special occasion?

- I can't just want to bring you lunch and show up?

- No, you don't do that.

- Can I have one of your shrimp?

- Yeah, sure. Eat up. - Thank you.

So I went out the other day with Kisha,

and she just opened up to me about what's going on

with the pregnancy journey.

And she found out from the doctors

that, um, she can't carry the baby.

- Then I can't move forward with that.

- She's not gonna be able to carry the baby.

Um, so now, we're gonna have to get a surrogate.

But with the surrogate, we're going to still use my egg,

that's if, you know, I can get you on board with this.

- Why don't she just adopt?

- She doesn't want to, Mendeecees.

She wants to have a baby that has her DNA,

that looks like us, that she feels like is

a part of her heritage, her culture.

- Let me ask you this. She don't have no one in--

in the family else that can do it?

You the only one?

- I'm her sister, her only sister.

- Listen, you're not her sister. You're her cousin.

- Mendeecees, that is my sister.

- But, listen, but I'm your husband.

- Yeah, but-- - So legally, that's our child.

- It's not your child.

You have nothing to do with this baby.

- I'm your husband. - No, Mendeecees.

- What are you talking about? - No, no.

- And who's paying for that?

Because that's a lot of money from what I hear.

- Well, I thought that we'd help Kisha with this process.

- What?

I'm already not on board with Yandy donating her eggs

to Kisha, but now she wants us to help financially?

This is like a rough time

because we are investing in our business.

You know, she just bought her dad house.

This is very expensive.

And I'm telling you, Yandy don't think.

She just goes.

And to be able to bring this on me today, it's tough.

- Kisha has been through a very rough journey

trying to have a baby, like so many other women.

We've been blessed. We've never had an issue.

We don't understand the hurt and the pain

that so many women have to go through

when they're trying to bear children.

I want you to support me in this.

I want you to make this easy for me.

I don't want to argue with you.

For me to be able to do this, like,

I have to get my eggs prepared. I have to start taking shots.

I'm supposed to start the shots next week.

God-willing my eggs are healthy,

let's just see if we can get through that.

- Yeah, but it seems like you made your mind up without me,

and that's disrespectful.

It's just confusing at this point.

And you just want to help and I understand that, I get it.

You love your cousin.

And you want to do anything you can

to make sure that she's happy.

- You know if me and you wanted to have a baby,

Kisha would have our baby for us.

Do you doubt that?

If the roles were reversed and you wanted to have children,

do you doubt that she would do this for you?

[soft dramatic music]

- Yandy has a point.

Kisha would do anything for us,

but there's a lot to wrap my head around.

We need to have more discussions.

Let's just sit down.

Let's talk to somebody and let's

get properly educated before you start taking shots.

- All right, but can you just keep an open mind?

No matter what, if it's a baby of Kisha's,

it's a baby of ours.

Just be open-minded.

- Listen, I don't appreciate you coming here like this,

but I'm gonna eat this food. - You don't appreciate it?

- Not with that news.

- I thought this would make you very happy.

- No.

I knew something was behind all this.

I [bleep] knew it.

- Coming up on "Love & Hip Hop Atlanta."

- When I was your age, I used to come to school and

I used to write everything that the teacher was telling me.

Guess what? I'm now a successful Black woman.

- Mama said she was trying to speak to the babies,

and she hung up the phone.

- I said, damn, why you hang up the phone? What's going on?

- * On my way to the top and there ain't no stopping *

* On my way to the top and there ain't no stopping *

[upbeat music]

* *

- Hi, bestie! - Hi!

- Gwaan, gwaan! [blows kiss]

* *

- Hey, twin. What's happening today?

- Oh, you found me! Y'all want to eat?

- Yeah. - They have jerk chicken.

So we're at the Belize Festival.

I'm taking my kids on tour with me for the entire summer.

And the girls are here to celebrate.

And we're doing this grand healing journey

right here in Belize.

I'm just super excited and I'm grateful to God

for helping me to overcome everything

that I've been through.

I'm glad y'all get the chance to come.

- This is a big deal. - It's a very big day.

- No, it really is. - And we have a lot to do.

We have the spiritual healing.

But after we leave here, we're going

to go to a charity event.

We're going to give back to the kids.

- Oh, yeah, I love that.

- Um, so the kids are here just to remind

them to always give back.

So I think that's going to be good.

When I almost died, I remember thinking about my kids.

And one thing that really bothered me

was the fact that I didn't get to visit

a lot of places with my kids.

So here they are, they're on tour with me.

And I love the fact that they're

getting to experience these different culture

and places that I've seen.

Where's Shekinah? - I'm right here! What?

- Shekinah! - I got to eat.

[laughter] [shouts with mouth full]

Girl, [bleep].

* *

- I have my Grace Hamilton Women Empowerment Foundation.

And I always try to reach out to an education system

to find out how I can give back to that community.

Hello! all: Hello!

- And so today, we wanted to reach out to the kids

and deliver books and bags.

How are you feeling today? [kids shouting joyfully]

That's what I'm talking about! Can I tell you a story?

all: Yes!

- When I was your age and I was going to school,

I used to go to school with no books.

You know why I couldn't go with books?

Because my mom couldn't afford to give me a book.

And so what I used to do, I used to come to school

and I used to get pieces of paper

and I used to write everything that the teacher was telling me

because I wanted to be a successful woman

when I get older. And guess what?

It worked out for me pretty good

because I'm now a successful Black woman,

queen of the dance hall, I'm Grammy-nominated.

And if I can do it, you can do it too.

So give yourself round of applause.

[applause]

I want you to believe in yourself.

And I want you to set your dreams and your goals.

I want you to write them down.

Think about what you want to be in the future,

and you're going to aim for it.

And you're never ever going to stop and give up

no matter what until you get there.

OK?

- This was just beautiful for me.

And it's healed me a little bit.

It made me feel good to see the kids laughing

and telling me what color book bag they want.

Like, it makes me feel good to put a smile

on other people face.

- Thank you, ladies, for having me.

I love you guys so, so much. [cheers and applause]

- * Take a ride, take a ride, take a ride, take a ride *

* Take a ride, take a ride, take a ride with me *

* Take a ride, take a ride, take a ride, take a ride *

* Take a ride, take a ride, won't you ride with me *

- I just wish it was something like--

- Oh, ain't going through the trees right here.

- That one's going through the trees.

- We're at the zip line obstacle course.

Now, I know what you're thinking,

Scrap, you got asthma, you afraid of heights.

All the above, but I'm trying to show Miss Erica Dixon that,

hey, I'ma risk it all for you, Jack.

You feel me?

Levels of difficulty. - What's the obstacle courses?

- Like tight ropes or, uh,

uneven planks that you walk across.

- In the air? - Yeah.

- Yup. - It sounds scary.

It's really not.

You're hooked in the whole time,

so even if you do, like, slip or get nervous,

you are hooked in.

- Let him go first. - No, ladies first. Remember?

- Nuh-uh. No, what you talking--

Scrappy and I really are just having a good time together.

I'm just grateful we're in this space.

It's no beef. It's no drama.

Like, we can actually have conversations.

I want us to continue to build

and just get back to how we used to be.

- Oh, God.

[suspenseful music]

Oh, [bleep]! - [laughs]

- [bleep] No!

Lord, help me! Lord, please help me today.

Oh, [bleep]. [bleep].

- I am very happy for Scrappy that the divorce is final.

I honestly can see that he's getting back to being himself.

He's silly. He's goofy. It is good.

You not hugging that tree. - Yes.

- You having fun, though? - No.

I'm just trying to stay focused,

but I'm nervous as [bleep].

I'm, like, sweating out my drawers.

You know what I'm saying?

I came out here to be courageous.

You know what I'm saying?

So Erica, like, you know what I'm saying, I'm--

[scoffs] the hell?

But, God damn, I can't wait

to get back on that solid-ass ground again.

I need to be level.

- She did her things. It's cute.

- Come on. You got your key?

Out of all this craziness me and Erica done been through

and the stuff that Emani and I had to witness and go through,

and now she's a whole grown woman.

She's finna be out there doing her thing.

So now I'm looking at Emani, doing something

I never done in my life. You know what I'm saying?

Never been to college.

It's a blessing.

- I'm happy for this new experience for her,

but I just-- it's hard.

Now I get it, like how moms be like,

oh, I just-- it's so different.

I go look at her room every day.

I'm just like, she's not here.

I look at Emani and I'm just proud.

I mean, there's no handbook to parenting.

And I just think Scrappy and I did a hell of a job.

Awoo!

[upbeat music]

Ooh! Shoot. - Oh, [bleep].

[distressed sigh]

- You did it. - Oh.

- I honestly hope that our relationship

just continues to blossom and we can just continue to grow.

I mean, it's a good start. Baby steps, you know?

There you go. See?

- [heavy breathing]

- [chuckles] You know, after we stopped and got

something to eat, after we dropped Emani off at school,

Momma Dee was really sad.

- Why the hell was she sad? She always sad about something.

- No, because she--

remember you answered the FaceTime to talk to Bri?

She said she was trying to speak to the babies,

and she hung up the phone.

- Oh, she hung up the phone, huh?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Erica never let what her and my mama had going on

get in between my mama and Emani relationship.

Everybody know I love them.

And everybody know I love my mom.

I can't wait for the day that we all could get together.

It'd be cool for the kids, man.

- She was sad. I feel bad for her.

- I said, damn, why you, uh, gonna hang up the phone?

Gonna hang up the FaceTime when my mama talking to Charlotte?

Like, like, what going on?

Like, but I don't care. It don't mess with me.

It mess with them kids. You know what I'm saying?

Because they be--they supposed to know they whole family.

You know what I'm saying? - That's true.

- Not just Bam's family, supposed to know everybody.

- I just feel bad for her.

Talking about Emani, you know, her going off to college.

And she was just like, you know, one thing,

you let me be in Emani's life.

And I was like, yeah, I did.

Back in the days, Momma Dee and I didn't get along.

Everybody knows that. We always had our issues.

But if Bambi just steps back, let Momma Dee

be a grandmother, she will be one.

She's actually a really great grandmother.

- Yeah.

- Well, hopefully everything will work itself out.

- It will. - [sighs]

- Coming up on "Love & Hip Hop Atlanta."

[conch blowing]

- Ask God to give you good health in life.

- What did you say about my health?

- You're put to sleep, a needle goes through your vagina.

- Needle in the vagina? - Correct.

- * On my way to the top * and there ain't no stopping *

- * On my way to the top * and there ain't no stopping *

[upbeat music]

* *

- * DJ, DJ *

* DJ, DJ *

* DJ, DJ *

- You ladies ready? - Yes.

- Yeah. - Yes, I'm excited.

So today, we're going to a historical temple

before my show tonight.

And I don't know what to expect.

But I'm excited to be still

on my healing journey here in Belize.

- * One dance *

* Just give me one dance *

* Give me one dance *

* You're dealing with the goddess *

* Before the next one, give me one dance *

* *

- Welcome, welcome. - Hey.

* *

- So how old is this place?

- One of the oldest temples right here

dates back to about 200 B.C.

And it survived up until about 1,200 A.D.

- 200 B.C.? - Yeah, yeah.

- You hear that? - And it's survived--

- Y'all not getting into this. Y'all on the phone.

- And it's survived up until--

- That's 200 years before Christ came.

- Yes.

- I feel privileged to be experiencing

the grounds of such an historic place.

I'm learning a lot today.

Even though I don't know anything

about this kind of religion.

I'm just trying to process everything at the moment.

I'm trying to figure it out as we go.

[conch blowing]

- So these are the local shamans.

And they will be blessing you guys today.

[soft suspenseful music]

* *

- In a place like this will have, like,

the type of cleansing energy we need.

All of us are bringing some type of baggage with us,

something that we want to heal from,

something we want to let go.

And I definitely feel peace and calm in my spirit

during the ceremony.

I feel like I'm leaving a lot of baggage and trauma

here in Belize, right here at the ruins.

- Here, to bless you, to guide you.

Nobody should break this energy. OK?

- I try to do right by people.

I try--I treat everybody like I want somebody to treat me.

- Yes.

- But I always get the ass end of the stick.

- You will keep doing good.

Big things will start to come to you.

Let no one break down good energy.

- Right. - Or good intentions.

- I feel good on the trip.

I mean, I'm really trying to heal.

That was a blessing.

He said, keep going, keep being how you are.

So I can appreciate it.

- What did you say about my health?

- You stress up yourself. So don't let the stress--

- It don't. - Affect you.

- Oh, my God.

How did he even know that I'm really

stressing about my health?

Because I have another hernia surgery to do again.

But I'm alive, and I just need to live in the moment

and leave it to God and let it be.

- Oh, that was deep.

- I felt some type of spirit of peace.

And I can't lie, it was something here today.

What did you mean about me being confused?

Because I'm actually going through a divorce right now.

- There--there's confusion, but you need--

you need to start analyzing your life.

OK? - Mm-hmm.

- And think about whether it's--

it's--it's--it's what you want, or it's something

that you need to let go. - Mm.

I wanted a sign to make sure that I

was just doing the right thing by divorcing Eric.

And this man don't know me from a can of paint

and he really had a message from God for me,

for all of us that gave us some type of clarity.

And I feel like it was needed.

I just feel at peace. I feel good, I really do.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

- Thank you so much. - It's a pleasure.

- Thank you.

- * Every time you think you've touched the goal *

* You find another door that's closed *

* Yeah *

- Hi. - How you doing?

- Good. It's good to see you.

- Thank you. - How are you?

- Good.

Mendeecees has all kind of questions.

And I really feel like him hearing that this

is a safe process, that so many women do this,

I'm just hoping and praying that Mendeecees

gets all his questions answered

and the doctors can take us to the next step.

- I think maybe it's best we do, like, a recap.

So you would like to have a baby using your eggs...

- Yes.

- Right, and using a surrogate?

- Yes. - Right?

Correct.

So you will be undergoing a process called IVF.

What that entails is, Yandy, you'll

be taking shots to basically make your follicles bigger.

And once we see the follicles are big, they're put to sleep,

a needle goes through your vagina,

and we extract the eggs.

- A needle in the vagina? - Correct.

That's how we--that's how we get the eggs out.

- What the hell?

I don't know.

I'm just like, golly, it's a lot that goes into this.

- So the process with the IVF-- - Mm-hmm?

- It's going to take approximately

a month to two months?

- The shots just take about two weeks.

Mm-hmm.

- And then to transfer, do you have--

is there a waiting period?

- Well, we would need a surrogate.

If you have a surrogate ready,

the transfer could happen within a month or two.

- I'm just so thankful that my sister and her--

and my brother-in-law would just

allow me the opportunity to-- to have a family of my own.

How selfless of her to want to put her body through something

like this for me or anyone.

It's a lot.

- But, you know, I don't think it's a big deal.

I don't want to have any more children that I've

personally raised of my own.

- Mm-hmm.

- So instead of my eggs going to waste,

I can endure shots, I can--

- Can you find an egg that looks more like Kisha

than Yandy? [music slows down and stops]

- We don't have that kind of technology.

- [chuckles]

- Do you hear what you are saying?

This is not going good.

I think this is just not going good.

I feel like I am in "The Twilight Zone" right now.

- It's just now finding who's going to carry.

- So now we just have to get the surrogate.

- OK, so finding someone to carry, is that expensive?

- It can be, it can be.

An agency will be the best person to give you,

like, the pricing.

- But that's separate from the IVF?

- Correct.

- I heard it's anywhere from $75,000 to $150,000.

- Possibly.

Again, I don't want to say so,

and the agency gives you like a different price sheet.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

- I feel better coming to this appointment because

I need to be in this decision-making.

We need to understand exactly what we doing

so if we execute, we can feel good about that decision.

Yeah, so it was, uh, a whole lot to take in, you know?

Um, listen, your tears almost broke me down.

You know, you've been a mom to our kids from day one

and you deserve to be a mom to your own kids.

- I love your babies.

They can have whatever kidney, whatever liver.

- Right, so-- - So--

- I just--you know.

- Oh, my God. - Let's go.

I'm gonna give you a hug. - Oh, don't make me cry.

- Mendeecees hasn't signed off on this process,

but I'm hoping that hug is full of words unsaid,

like, this is gonna happen,

we're going to do this together as a family.

- Golly.

- Coming up on "Love & Hip Hop Atlanta."

- Part of our traumas is having a baby at 15 years old.

- We had them kids at 15 years old and stuff.

- We? - We.

I had an abortion at about 15. - Shekinah.

- * On my way to the top and there ain't no stopping *

- * On my way to the top and there ain't no stopping *

- * Oh, what to do *

* You know what to say *

* Just to make things go your way *

* You know what to do *

* You know what to say *

* Just to make things go your way *

* *

- Man, this is a blessing. You know what I'm saying?

I'm adjusting to this new single life,

you know what I'm saying, adjusting to this new home

God blessed me with.

It feels good, man.

I'm ready to whip it up right now.

- What about my sausage? I don't get no sausage?

- I got some sausage.

- Ah! [laughs]

Mm.

I don't get no sausage for real, though?

- Huh? - I want a little piece.

- You want a piece? - I do.

I just want to sample it. - I got you, I got you.

- I'm eating it.

- Hard not to have some real nice--

- Sausage. And I get sausage in my mouth.

* *

- [laughs]

Listen, man. Me and Diamond, we having fun.

I'm single, she's single.

I'm not dating both Erica and Diamond.

I'm just living right now.

I don't want to speak on the future.

You know what I'm saying?

I love Diamond and I really, really love Erica.

At the same time, I just don't want to move fast with nobody

but I just want to enjoy myself.

I want them to enjoy they life.

- I saw you was out with Ms. Dixon.

How's college? - Oh, it was good.

Dropped off.

- You and Erica? - Mm-hmm, and Mama.

- Momma Dee. - Yeah.

We all took her down there.

You know, just out there having fun.

I really was just happy that we all

could be together like that, you know what

I'm saying, without a problem.

- Your divorce is final, you in peace.

- I'm still, you know what I'm saying,

I be having them days where I'd be like, damn,

like I was just married, like.

But, you know, even though people

be trying to act like you had something

to do with the divorce and stuff like that, I be--

I would have to check them because I'd be like, man,

it was horrible before it even got there.

Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

- It was, like, crazy.

I've just been trying to, like, take it easy.

Going through the [bleep] divorce,

I was [bleep] hurt and just--

- You was not yourself. - Not myself.

Curled up, you know what I'm saying,

like a little puppy dog. You know what I'm saying?

I thought it was going to be horrible after my divorce,

but I have peace.

I just want peace. I want happiness.

So listen, so I know, you know what I'm saying,

you been down for me, you've been there for me,

and I appreciate that.

Hopefully in a minute, you know what I'm saying,

I can eat a little bit off the plate.

- So you talking about the future?

- Mm-hmm. - So what's your timeline?

- I ain't got a timeline. I was just--

- It ain't no-- it ain't no rush.

I'm just asking. - No, I'm having fun.

Cheers to you.

Damn. - [laughs]

- It's your face.

And we should do something fun one of these days.

- I would love that. - Yes.

And you ain't got no--

- Entanglement. - Entanglements going on.

- Nah. - You ain't got no triangles.

- Me? Me?

Nah, I'm good. - Really?

That-- - We outside.

- We outside. - [laughs]

- [smooches]

[quirky upbeat music]

- You better stop.

- You better stop.

- I'm just gonna go lay down real quick, take a nap.

- OK.

Oh, wow.

Blanca, you gonna go with her? - Come on.

[smooches] Come on, Blanca.

- Nah, you my dog.

Yeah, you hear me. Come here.

Bring your ass, cuz. Don't do that. [chuckles]

Don't ever do that, OK? [chuckles]

Ever get it twisted who feeds you, OK?

- * On my way to the top and there ain't no stopping *

- * On my way to the top and there ain't no stopping *

- * Swing, batter, batter, show us what you got *

* Slide, who's the baddest on the block? *

* Head to head *

* We gonna tear this place apart *

- I want to really be with a man

that's financially, financially stable.

- Do you feel like you're--

you're addicted to getting married or something?

- OK, this is what it is for me.

I have to heal my traumas.

Like, me and Renni was talking about, a part of our traumas

is having a baby at 15 years old.

- Yeah.

- So once you go through that trauma at such a young age,

anything after that, you're looking for that feeling

because you feel like, oh, I just

need to be in a relationship,

oh, I just need to be with somebody.

- Like we had them kids at 15 years old and stuff.

- We? - We.

I had a abortion at about 15, 16, too.

- What? - Shut up. You know that.

You took it--yeah.

- You never told me it was when you were 15.

- But when we--

- Stop brushing off your things.

- We got to talk about it.

- You're always in people's business.

Girl, you want to talk about your business.

- Girl, everybody know that I had--

- No, I don't know that.

- Me having a abortion at 15 years old, it was sad.

It was bittersweet because I think I really wanted my baby.

But it wasn't time for me to keep my baby.

I did what my family thought was best for me,

and that's just what it was.

And I don't hate my family.

I resent them for making me do that.

- Have you ever been pregnant any time after that?

- Yeah. - At what age?

- By 24.

- Shekinah.

You are hurting over it... - I don't want to.

- So stop trying to hide your pain and your trauma.

Your eyes are watering. - Oh, my God.

- I cannot believe-- - Yes, you are.

You are hurting. - Stop!

- So stop. - I can't do it.

- No, I'm not gonna stop.

- Did it traumatize me? Yes.

I ended up dropping out of school and everything

behind this [bleep].

- Now I can hug you because you spoke--

- You ain't [bleep].

It's OK, but you ain't [bleep]. - I love you.

- I love you, too.

- I feel like we're in a community

of healing right now.

And we gave her the opportunity to feel safe.

I'm really just gonna continue to encourage Shekinah,

help her to heal in whatever way that she can

to get over that decision that she made

that has been haunting her.

- I've never seen you be, like, that vulnerable and stuff.

Like, that mean, like, what we doing is working.

- Yeah. - For all of us.

- That's what the trip is for.

- And whatever--baby steps, even if it's just a little bit

of saying, you know what, I am traumatized by it,

but I do understand it, my-- - No, that's why we're here.

- You're so used to [bleep]. - On this trip.

This is your own personal stuff that you got going on.

- Yeah, it's gonna be all right.

- It will be. - Damn.

- Feel that glory. - It will be, my--

- I enjoyed you releasing it.

- I know, I know. - I'm glad you released that.

- Me too.

I had no idea that this is still affecting me.

And I guess that's something that needed to come out

from all those years I've been having it buckled in.

And I'm happy that I was able to talk and get it out.

- When I found out I was pregnant,

I was so scared to tell my mama.

And when I told my mama, she said, whatever you want to do,

I'm gonna support you. And that's all she said.

Every hardship, when I look back now,

even an abortion, my mama stay right there.

I had found out I was pregnant

two weeks before Fu got locked up.

And I wanted to keep that baby. I wanted that baby so bad.

But it just started reminding me of my kids

that I just took care of kids for a whole eight years

while somebody was gone, you know?

- Wow. - Like, it was just a lot.

But when he left, it was like, you know what,

I don't know when I'm coming home and I don't want you

out there by yourself like that.

So we made the decision together

to not go through with it.

I can relate to Shekinah more than she probably understands.

I was lucky enough to have a very supportive mom.

And talking about this with my like-minded sisters is good,

but it also brings up trauma, anxiety, suppressed feelings.

And I don't really know how to handle all that right now.

- You know what I'm saying? - We almost there?

- Feel sick? - Yeah.

- You gonna throw up? - You want a water?

- She got to throw up.

[dramatic music]

- Pull this bitch over. [indistinct] I feel it.

- Give me that bag, give me that bag.

[indistinct chatter]

* *

- What you ate this morning?

- Oh, yeah. What is that?

- What is this? - I don't know.

But it ain't start doing this

until my kidneys started bothering me.

- OK, relax.

- They're going to need to get out and get back in.

- Ooh, so happy to--

- All of a sudden, I'm feeling

really lightheaded, dizzy, nauseous, hot, and I'm shaking.

And I just don't understand what's going on right now.

- Hey, you want to give this water to her?

- She's shaking again. - She's shaking bad.

- Her hands is shaking really, really bad.

- Want to just pour a little water on her neck?

- [coughs] - No, it's--

- Hey, Doc. My friend, she's having real bad shakes.

- I just got real lightheaded.

- She has a hole in her kidney too.

- [coughing]

[dramatic music]

- Next on "Love & Hip Hop Atlanta."

- Maybe we can invite some of my little Atlanta friends.

You know, can I show you off?

- That's just not something that I'm excited to dive into.

- I want you to be on this record.

Actually, Erica Banks, she got on this song a long time ago.

- The song you want me to be on?

- Yes.

- Super excited for you.

Your sound's great. You look great.

You just, you know, you've got to work on your duck walk.

- The duck walk was bad?

- You need to learn how to duck walk.

- Water, water.

- Been having several panic attacks.

- Oh, my God.

- You got to go to the hospital.

- [sobbing] - Just breathe.

- My mouth is numb, y'all.