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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,467
(glasses clink)
3
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,270
My very first
clothing exchange.
4
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:40,340
I've never felt
so cosmopolitan.
5
00:00:40,406 --> 00:00:42,609
That's a word
I learned in a bar.
6
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:43,877
So...
7
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:47,047
the magazine says we each
present an item of clothing,
8
00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:49,315
and the first one
to call dibs gets it.
9
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:51,552
Oh, like a key party.
10
00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:54,287
Or so I've heard.
11
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:56,990
Okay, these boots
I only wore once,
12
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,825
and then I stopped
wearing maroon.
13
00:00:58,892 --> 00:00:59,826
Dibs!
14
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,494
These are adorable!
15
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,429
I have the perfect outfit for...
16
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:06,633
(grunting)
17
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,334
Oh, right.
18
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:09,235
Dibs!
19
00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:10,604
I want to try them!
20
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:15,776
Oh!
Are they cute on you.
21
00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:17,310
Perfect!
Yay!
22
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:21,181
Okay, everybody, my turn.
23
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:23,183
How about these?
24
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:24,384
They're functional.
25
00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:26,452
They can go straight
from a PTA meeting
26
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,589
to a sexy night on the town.
27
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:31,625
Aunt Peggy,
culottes aren't cool.
28
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:33,694
Even though it sounds
like they should be.
29
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,763
Oh, sug, surely someone
will want these...
30
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,665
overalls.
31
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:40,734
(grunting)
32
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,737
(sighs)
33
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,711
So how was your
clothes exchange?
34
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:54,080
I bet Nancy liked that old
softball jersey of yours.
35
00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:55,582
As it turns out,
36
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:58,384
Nancy would rather have a pair
of men's dirty flip‐flops
37
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,386
than my softball jersey.
38
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:02,623
Apparently,
it wasn't feminine enough.
39
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:05,592
You think I'm feminine,
don't you, Hank?
40
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,760
Well, sure you are.
41
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,595
You're a wife and a mother.
42
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:09,896
Yeah, there's that.
43
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:13,499
I just felt so ungainly
compared to those women.
44
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:16,036
Why don't you call
your shoe store in Lubbock?
45
00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:18,104
I'm treating you
to some new shoes.
46
00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:19,706
Thank you, Hank.
47
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:20,841
And by the way,
48
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:23,577
you're wearing
my jeans again.
49
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:26,613
(laughing)
50
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,050
This is the greatest
book I've ever read.
51
00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:32,118
Wow, Dr. Prankenstein
52
00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:35,355
has a degree in "Hee"
with a minor in "Haa."
53
00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:38,391
Joseph, have you seen
my lucky switchblade comb?
54
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,226
I already told you!
55
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:41,895
I broke it!
56
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:42,963
(sighing)
57
00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:44,064
Ah, you're right.
58
00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:45,899
Sorry I snapped at you, Joseph.
59
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:48,702
See, there's going to be a coup
today at the gun club
60
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,604
and I may become
the new president
61
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:53,907
if I can get over
these pre‐coup jitters.
62
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:59,445
Mr. Gribble, I know
what would help you relax.
63
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,916
How would you like
a 25‐cent massage?
64
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,417
Who wouldn't?
65
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,320
Here you go,
Mr. Gribble.
66
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:10,524
One 25‐cent massage coming up.
67
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:14,961
You just roll this gently
all over your face.
68
00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:20,366
Wow, this is fantastic, Bobby.
69
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:21,802
(chuckling)
(chuckling)
70
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,172
This is as relaxing
as smoking used to be.
71
00:03:26,239 --> 00:03:27,273
Well...
72
00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:28,575
off to my coup.
73
00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:29,409
(giggling)
74
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:31,845
We got to go
watch this.
75
00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:34,948
MAN:
Hello?
Hello, Lubbock's Very Big Shoes.
76
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,316
Guess what I'm calling about?
77
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:38,384
Sorry, lady, the shoe store went
out of business.
78
00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:40,654
We're a dog bakery now.
(dogs barking in background)
79
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:44,324
Aunt Peggy!
80
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:45,659
Look what I got.
81
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:46,860
A bracelet.
82
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,996
It's what some women wear
on their wrists.
83
00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:53,199
It's like jewelry.
84
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:56,570
Yes, Luanne, I know
what a bracelet is.
85
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:14,220
Hello, do you have a pump
in a size... 16?
86
00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:15,989
Which brand?
87
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,794
Oh, my God.
88
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:21,895
(gasps)
89
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,797
Wedges?
90
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,365
Sandals?
91
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:26,600
These boots...
92
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,869
they're just like Nancy's.
93
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,905
It's too big.
94
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:35,509
Okay, phase one
of the coup is under way.
95
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:38,478
Spiro's safely locked and secure
in the snack closet.
96
00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:39,846
It's time to pick
our new leader.
97
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,248
Our short list is
Earl Boley and Dale Gribble.
98
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:43,416
Where's Dale?
99
00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:44,718
Coward didn't show.
100
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:45,786
All right,
101
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:47,521
looks like you're our
new president, Earl.
102
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,255
(grunts)
(door opening)
103
00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:50,757
(men gasp)
104
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:51,758
Hey, guys.
105
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,660
I think he's wearing
war paint.
106
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,529
I'm with Dale.
107
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:56,997
MAN:
Me, too.
Give me that pen!
108
00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:59,132
I don't get it.
109
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:00,834
They're not laughing
at him.
110
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,769
MAN:
I say we make Gribble
the new president.
111
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:05,238
All in favor,
fire once into the ground.
112
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,107
(gunshots)
113
00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:09,375
Maybe we didn't
do it right.
114
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:16,149
(pop music plays over speakers)
115
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:18,151
How much do you love
zebra print?
116
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:19,485
Okay.
117
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,555
You know how when you see
a really cute baby,
118
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:23,389
and you just want to eat it?
119
00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:25,859
That is how I feel
about these shoes.
120
00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:27,193
Oh, here, you take it.
121
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,762
Oh, thank you.
122
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:29,796
Peggy.
123
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:30,731
Carolyn.
124
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:32,866
I usually hear this,
not say it...
125
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,034
nice grip.
126
00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:40,173
Excuse me.
Is this seat taken?
127
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,441
Who are you talking to?
128
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,643
Different people.
129
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:44,477
I want to see my new
clothes in action
130
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,046
before I commit
to owning them.
131
00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:47,280
It's a technique I learned
132
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,315
from this interesting
woman I met today.
133
00:05:49,382 --> 00:05:52,185
Her name is Carolyn
and she wears gloves.
134
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,319
Gloves?
135
00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,488
Huh, that is interesting.
136
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,559
I felt this instant sense
of camaraderie with her
137
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:00,627
that I don't normally find
with other women.
138
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:04,264
So you've got someone to talk to
about this stuff now?
139
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:05,566
That's great.
140
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:07,834
Yes, it is, Hank.
141
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,772
Taxi!
142
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,909
Hmm, this chicken curry
is delicious.
143
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:19,646
I could understand why it is one
of Oprah's favorite sandwiches.
144
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,115
Peggy, you ate
that whole sandwich.
145
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:24,718
Yes, yes, I did.
146
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:25,686
(sighs)
147
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,153
I'm sorry.
That was very unladylike.
148
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,956
And none of your lipstick
smeared or came off at all.
149
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,224
How do you do that?
150
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,859
Well, just before biting,
151
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:36,362
I move the teeth forward
and slide the lip up.
152
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:37,864
I'll show you in slo‐mo.
153
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,838
It works!
154
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,472
This is going to be a lifesaver.
155
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,809
See, I do this song and
dance act on the weekends,
156
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,877
and I need to be able
to snack between sets,
157
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:53,379
so I don't pass out
during the particularly
emotional numbers.
158
00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:54,515
Thank you, Peggy.
159
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:55,982
I got the idea
160
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:57,984
from watching Shark Attacks
on the Nature Channel,
161
00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:01,922
or a Bette Davis movie‐‐
I can't remember.
162
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,425
I don't know why
everyone doesn't drive
163
00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:06,593
with their
high beams on.
164
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:07,994
You see so
much better.
165
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,029
So, the glasses.
166
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,231
Are you afraid
of the laser surgery, too?
167
00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:13,667
'Cause the closest I want to get
to a laser is front row
168
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:14,935
at a Chaka Khan concert.
169
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,003
Actually, the glasses
hide thin brows,
170
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,304
fine lines and wrinkles.
171
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:19,606
People do not say it,
172
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:22,142
but they make me look
ten years younger.
173
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:24,210
True that.
174
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:30,416
Oh, Carolyn, if there wasn't
a parking brake between us,
175
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,553
I'd think we were
connected at the hip.
176
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:35,421
Oh, my God, the
parking brake's on.
177
00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:36,590
(brakes squeak)
178
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:38,592
WOMAN:
Ooh.
179
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,493
I helped myself to some tea.
180
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:41,862
Hey, Mom.
181
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:42,929
Sorry I'm late.
182
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,365
Do not apologize for yourself,
now or ever.
183
00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:48,101
I love the new wig, son.
Gorgeous.
184
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:52,906
Thanks. I just had the best time
with this new girl, Peggy Hill.
185
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,576
I don't know
what his real name is.
186
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:56,977
Nancy, it's Peggy.
187
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,912
I can't go shopping
with you tomorrow.
188
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,648
I'm hanging out
with my new gal pal.
189
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:04,017
I should call Minh, too.
190
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,896
Oh, it's so nice
to have a friend
191
00:08:15,962 --> 00:08:18,364
who's strong enough to push
her way through a sale.
192
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:21,768
Nancy always fell
somewhere between
lingerie and handbags.
193
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,538
Some of my friends are
too scared to go to the mall.
194
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:27,541
They buy everything online.
195
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:30,677
Thank goodness I hid all
the good stuff last week.
196
00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:33,246
Ta‐da.
197
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:34,581
(soft grunt)
198
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,950
I love it. I have
to wear scarves in the show.
199
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,686
So, what do you do in your act?
200
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:42,989
Well, I don't do any one artist
like some of the girls do.
201
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:45,559
A little Liza,
Barbra, Celine.
202
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,994
My favorites.
203
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:48,962
(gasps)
204
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,097
You really know
how to work a scarf.
205
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:54,034
Hey, I've always wanted
to do a duet in the show.
206
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:56,302
You and me, Peggy‐‐
what do you say?
207
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,971
Yes.
Great!
208
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,540
Just bring
your own eyelashes.
209
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:01,708
I always do.
210
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,544
♪ I'm every woman ♪
211
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,311
And one more time.
212
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,313
♪ It's all in me ♪
213
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,715
♪ Anything you want done, baby ♪
214
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,150
♪ I'll do it naturally... ♪
215
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,853
Now don't be afraid
to move your head a little
216
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:14,187
during the humming part,
217
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,322
so people will know
you're pretending to hum.
218
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,490
Mm‐hmm.
219
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:19,359
♪ I'm every woman ♪
220
00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:22,729
♪ It's all in me... ♪
221
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,230
Hey, Hank,
stand back.
222
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,431
We're kicking.
223
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,633
Okay, then.
224
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,870
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
225
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:31,071
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa... ♪
226
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:35,208
Oh. Carolyn, this is
my husband, Hank.
227
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,143
Nice to meet you, Carolyn.
228
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,378
Carolyn.
229
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:39,713
I always liked that name.
230
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,515
I thought
it was a good one.
231
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,817
Well, I'll get out
of your way, ladies.
232
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:47,453
Bobby, this is my
new friend, Carolyn.
233
00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:49,122
Carolyn, my
son, Bobby.
234
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,323
Hey.
235
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,625
Oh.
236
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:54,194
So, did you two adopt?
237
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:57,363
No, ma'am, and I have the
stretch marks to prove it.
238
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,498
Stretch marks?
239
00:09:58,565 --> 00:09:59,766
Nothing seems to diminish them.
240
00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:01,101
Not shea butter,
241
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,202
not cow placenta,
242
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,537
not goat placenta.
243
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:04,771
Really?
244
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,172
Mm‐hmm, oh, yeah.
245
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:07,841
I imagine this is
what it looks like
246
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,042
when you're stabbed
in the stomach
247
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,877
at several different angles,
huh?
248
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,647
Uh, yeah, stabbing.
249
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,249
Could I have another drink,
please?
250
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,919
(laughter)
251
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,524
Mm. Oh, some string!
252
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,025
Oh, a dollar!
253
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:27,127
What the...
254
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:28,795
Oh.
255
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,297
Damn wind.
256
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:32,666
Pull the
string again.
257
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:35,001
Mr. Dauterive really
cares about money.
258
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,604
Where'd you go?
Where'd you go?
Oh, geez!
259
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:40,974
Oh, there it is.
Oh! Oh, darn it.
260
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,447
(tires squealing)
261
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,282
(thudding crash)
262
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:51,417
Oh, my God!
263
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,654
Are you okay?
(glass clinking)
264
00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:58,424
(slurring):
I'm doing better
now, sweet cheeks.
265
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,561
I never seen eyes so dilated.
266
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,963
I could lose myself in them.
267
00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:05,365
You know, I really
shouldn't be driving.
268
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:07,067
You want to take
the wheel?
269
00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:08,835
Sure.
270
00:11:10,604 --> 00:11:12,338
Did you see
his face?
271
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:14,040
Yeah, he was happy.
272
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,408
I know!
273
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:18,078
What kind of
joke book is this?
274
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:21,447
Mom, I need to talk to you.
It's about Peggy.
275
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:22,949
What's her problem?
276
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,318
Mom, she's a real woman, and...
277
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,453
You mean a biological woman.
278
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,189
Just because
you were born a male
279
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:31,592
doesn't make you
any less of a woman.
280
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:33,960
Let no one clip your wings,
baby.
281
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,396
Could you stop being supportive
for one second and listen?
282
00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:37,631
I've got a problem.
283
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,566
I can't let a real woman
perform with me.
284
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:40,701
It's a drag show.
285
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:42,035
Do what you need to do.
286
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:45,405
As long as there is no shame
involved, hear me?
287
00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:47,040
You're a person!
288
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:49,209
Oh, Mother.
289
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:54,715
HANK:
Peggy,
290
00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:57,017
you almost forgot this thing.
291
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:00,721
I'll be in
the front row.
292
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:03,089
Yeah, that might not be
such a good idea.
293
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:06,760
Apparently, they single out
newcomers and embarrass them.
294
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,428
You know, like at church.
295
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:11,632
Well, I'll be in the back
by the sound board then.
296
00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:13,634
That outfit‐‐
297
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,636
it's very becoming.
298
00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:17,370
(whooping)
299
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,272
Looking good, Sug.
300
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:20,340
MINH:
Yeah! Big hair
301
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:21,474
kind of works
for you.
302
00:12:21,542 --> 00:12:23,009
Where you going
all dolled up?
303
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,912
Well, I'm on my way to perform
with my new friend, Carolyn,
304
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:28,414
in a glamorous revue.
305
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:29,850
Would you both like
to come?
306
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,484
Wow. Five‐drink minimum.
307
00:12:31,552 --> 00:12:32,786
Yes, and I would prefer it
308
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:34,688
if you didn't get drunk
and embarrass me.
309
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:36,657
We'll see
you there.
Break a leg!
310
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:39,092
Yeah, whatever.
311
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:47,333
What does
it mean
312
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,835
if instead
of a purse,
313
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:51,237
a woman carries
a tattered
grocery bag?
314
00:12:57,711 --> 00:12:59,546
Uh, hey.
315
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:00,514
Hello.
316
00:13:00,581 --> 00:13:01,948
Is Peggy here?
317
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,349
Uh, no, she's not.
318
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:04,518
Uh, can I help you?
319
00:13:04,585 --> 00:13:05,686
I'm her husband.
320
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:06,820
I'm Jamie.
321
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:08,154
Uh, I know Carolyn.
322
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,289
We're friends.
323
00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:10,223
Close friends.
324
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,659
Oh. Well,
that Carolyn is great.
325
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,595
She's quite a catch
there, Jamie.
326
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,362
What do you say
to a beer?
327
00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:22,803
I say, "Where have you been
all morning?"
328
00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,137
(laughs)
Good one!
329
00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:26,372
Yeah, I'll have
to remember that one.
330
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:32,112
So, Carolyn needs me to
find Peggy before the show.
331
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,114
When do you
expect her back?
332
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,717
Well, she had to get something
for her costume.
333
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:39,285
She called it
a sequin emergency.
334
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:42,589
I asked her to call it
something else, but she refused.
335
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:44,290
Then she's going right
to the club.
336
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,560
I'll just, uh,
catch her there.
337
00:13:46,627 --> 00:13:48,829
Bye, guys.
338
00:13:52,533 --> 00:13:54,500
I like
nice people.
339
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:59,239
Show time!
340
00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:10,116
If she wasn't dead,
I'd swear you were
the real thing.
341
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,151
Peggy...
342
00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:13,854
That Diana Ross
looks freaking amazing.
343
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,021
We are going
to have to pretend
344
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:16,890
sing our hearts out
to outshine her.
345
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:19,159
Honey, we can't
do the routine.
346
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:20,894
I have something
to tell you.
347
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,262
Well, what is it?
348
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:24,497
(exhaling)
349
00:14:24,565 --> 00:14:27,400
Peggy, I'm a drag queen.
350
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:31,237
But I thought most
drag queens were men.
351
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:32,305
I am a man.
352
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,907
I'd take off my
wig to show you,
353
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:35,942
but it's too close
to curtain.
354
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:41,882
So then I don't understand
why you invited me
355
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:44,417
to do this show with you
in the first place...
356
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,086
Oh, my God.
357
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,188
You thought I was a man?
358
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:49,923
We had the
same size feet,
359
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,324
and you were shopping
at The Closet.
360
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,660
It's a store for
drag queens, Peggy.
361
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:56,062
I‐I didn't know.
362
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:58,799
Well, if it makes you
feel any better,
363
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,867
I thought you were
the best I'd ever seen.
364
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,002
It doesn't!
365
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,269
Hey, Sug...
366
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,371
here we are!
What kind of
place is this?
367
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:06,907
(sobbing)
368
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:12,245
(sobbing)
369
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:21,688
Come on, Peggy Hill.
Open the door!
370
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,223
We're here to comfort you.
371
00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:26,727
Sorry everybody thinks
you're a man, Aunt Peggy.
372
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,195
You know how everybody is.
373
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,531
Go away!
374
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:33,534
Sug, you coached
a women's softball league.
375
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,036
If that's not feminine,
I don't know what is.
376
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,905
We're trying to cheer her up,
not tick her off.
377
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,406
You want to get
punched in the face?
378
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:42,976
That woman's got fists
like frozen turkeys.
379
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:46,079
I could still
hear you, ya know.
380
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:50,050
(phone ringing)
381
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,251
Don't answer it.
382
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:53,286
Well, Peggy,
that's like telling a lie.
383
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,655
You just don't do that.
(phone ringing)
384
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,790
Fine. Then I'm not here.
385
00:15:56,857 --> 00:15:59,560
(phone ringing)
But that's also a lie.
386
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,828
Hill residence.
387
00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:03,964
Uh, she's not here.
388
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,832
Okay, Carolyn.
389
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:07,067
Dang it.
390
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,802
Did she think you were me?
391
00:16:08,869 --> 00:16:11,204
I do sound like a man
apparently.
392
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:12,673
What are you talking about?
393
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:13,974
Carolyn, my friend,
394
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:17,711
is really a man
who dresses up like a woman.
395
00:16:17,778 --> 00:16:18,979
Now, now hold on.
396
00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:20,747
That doesn't make any sense.
397
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:24,084
And he thought that I was
also a man dressed as a woman,
398
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,251
but I am not.
399
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,821
I am a woman
who looks like a man.
400
00:16:27,888 --> 00:16:29,489
What? No,
you're not.
401
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,692
Then why is it
that the only woman
402
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,727
I can relate to is a man?
403
00:16:33,794 --> 00:16:38,031
And here I was feeling feminine
for the first time in my life.
404
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:41,101
I have never felt so ugly!
405
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:44,571
Isn't this something you
should be talking about
406
00:16:44,638 --> 00:16:46,372
with your girlfriends?
407
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,208
You know, like
that Carolyn.
408
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:51,545
Hank, are you even
listening to me?
409
00:16:51,612 --> 00:16:53,346
(sobbing)
410
00:17:02,556 --> 00:17:03,957
Hello, Carolyn.
411
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:06,359
I was calling to get
Jamie's number.
412
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,929
Oh, he is? Oh, that'd be great.
413
00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:10,897
Hello, Jamie.
414
00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:12,666
Can I take your order?
415
00:17:12,733 --> 00:17:16,803
Uh... I'll have a
normal orange juice, please.
416
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:18,238
Make it normal.
417
00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:19,806
Okay, and which
nutrient booster?
418
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:23,009
Uh, no, no, I won't be
needing any more nutrients.
419
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,011
I'm having a steak later.
420
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:26,446
Thanks for meeting me.
421
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:27,914
I, uh... I have to talk to you
422
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:31,151
about something that I can't
talk about with the guys.
423
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,285
Sure, Hank, shoot.
424
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,855
Well, my wife is really upset.
425
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:37,658
I think maybe she and Carolyn
had a fight or something.
426
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:38,625
I don't know.
427
00:17:38,692 --> 00:17:40,961
Has Carolyn talked
to you about this?
428
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:43,564
She has. And believe me,
she adores Peggy.
429
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:45,699
She thinks she's a
model of femininity.
430
00:17:45,766 --> 00:17:48,669
Actually, she wishes
she could be more like her.
431
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,171
Well, Carolyn's one
of the best girlfriends
432
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,573
Peggy has ever had.
433
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:55,041
You think maybe you
could talk to Carolyn,
434
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,810
see if they can't
patch things up?
435
00:17:56,877 --> 00:17:58,879
Yes, she'll take
care of this.
436
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:01,347
Women need to work out
their problems emotionally.
437
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,349
Boy, I've got to
hand it to you, Jamie.
438
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,786
You sure do know
a lot about women.
439
00:18:14,995 --> 00:18:16,329
Oh, shoot.
440
00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:19,866
Sorry your food
is ruined.
We've got pizza.
441
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,803
My mom just got me
a credit card,
so we went crazy.
442
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:25,506
Wow, thanks.
443
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:29,075
This book stinks!
444
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:31,678
No, dude, every time
you do a prank,
445
00:18:31,745 --> 00:18:33,346
something good happens.
446
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,348
That's a magic book!
447
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:36,983
(sighing):
I don't know.
448
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:39,520
I do. You've got
to prank me, dude.
449
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:40,887
Oh, okay.
450
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,423
Make me rich and handsome.
451
00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:46,326
If your hand is bigger
than your face,
452
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:48,862
all your wishes
will come true.
453
00:18:48,929 --> 00:18:49,863
Cool.
454
00:18:49,930 --> 00:18:51,632
Ow!
455
00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:55,435
So, am I handsome?
456
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:59,039
(grunting)
457
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:02,275
(doorbell ringing)
458
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:05,779
Oh, hello.
Peggy, it's Carolyn.
459
00:19:07,213 --> 00:19:08,515
Peggy, stop right there.
460
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,717
What do you want?
461
00:19:10,784 --> 00:19:12,819
I want you to drop that sad
blanket and come with me.
462
00:19:12,886 --> 00:19:13,954
I need to show
you something.
463
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:16,623
Will I be humiliated in any way?
464
00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:19,593
I swear on my mother's
unwavering support
465
00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:20,894
that you will not.
466
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,430
Uh, Peggy, I don't like
to butt into your affairs,
467
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,399
but you should
go with her.
468
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,569
Whatever you've
been going through,
469
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,804
well, I think
Carolyn can help.
470
00:19:33,974 --> 00:19:35,876
Fine.
471
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:37,711
I will get my purse.
472
00:19:37,778 --> 00:19:40,280
And grab your trash bag
full of clothes.
473
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,948
Hurry!
Why?
474
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,449
It's just more dramatic.
475
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,759
Have a seat, Peggy.
476
00:19:52,826 --> 00:19:54,427
Girls, this is Peggy Hill.
477
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,563
She is the one responsible
for that great tip
478
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:59,065
about the lipstick and
the one about the glasses.
479
00:19:59,132 --> 00:20:01,802
Look at me.
I'm a girl again.
480
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,670
Thank you.
481
00:20:03,737 --> 00:20:05,238
You're welcome.
482
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,708
No, wait. I...
483
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:10,310
Is this what I think it is?
484
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:12,979
A denim vest
with appliqués on it?
485
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,380
Oh, I want that.
486
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:17,017
It's so Mandrell Sisters
Variety Hour!
487
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:18,318
Mm‐hmm, I had
a feeling
488
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:19,720
your stuff would
go quickly here.
489
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:21,955
So this is why you
brought me here?
490
00:20:22,022 --> 00:20:24,858
To show me that a bunch
of men want my clothes?
491
00:20:24,925 --> 00:20:28,662
A bunch of men who want
to look like women
want your clothes.
492
00:20:28,729 --> 00:20:29,896
Uh‐huh.
493
00:20:29,963 --> 00:20:32,699
But, come on, aren't you
all more impressed by women
494
00:20:32,766 --> 00:20:35,468
who are fancier and
daintier and girlier?
495
00:20:35,536 --> 00:20:38,939
Honey, wispy women
are a dime a dozen.
496
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,306
You said it, girl.
497
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:41,675
Yeah, baby.
498
00:20:41,742 --> 00:20:44,444
Peggy, drag queens model
themselves after strong,
499
00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:46,379
substantial, fearless women,
500
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,248
women who aren't afraid
to wear purple gauchos
501
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:50,016
and MC Hammer glasses,
502
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:53,119
women who only need one name
to describe themselves,
503
00:20:53,186 --> 00:20:55,989
like Liza,
Barbra and Cher.
504
00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:58,592
You, my dear,
are simply Peggy.
505
00:20:58,659 --> 00:21:00,493
Peggy.
506
00:21:00,561 --> 00:21:01,962
That does make sense.
507
00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:03,997
Girl, you are fierce.
508
00:21:04,064 --> 00:21:05,398
Deal with it.
509
00:21:08,702 --> 00:21:11,371
I have got to have
these platform sneakers.
510
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,039
They are yours.
511
00:21:15,809 --> 00:21:18,512
PEGGY:
Okay, who's hoardingthe turtlenecks?
512
00:21:18,579 --> 00:21:20,647
I know you've got them!
513
00:21:52,946 --> 00:21:55,849
CAROLYN'S MOTHER:
Let no oneclip your wings, baby.
513
00:21:56,305 --> 00:22:56,299
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