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This programme contains
some strong language
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HUMMING
3
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,440
GLASS SQUEAKS
4
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,720
TAPPING
5
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,800
See you next Tuesday!
6
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,717
♪ It's such a
crazy, crazy feeling
7
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♪ I get weak in the knees
8
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,677
♪ My poor old head is a-reelin'
9
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:57,760
♪ As I go deep into
the funnel of love
10
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,557
♪ Here I go, falling
down, down, down
11
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,317
♪ My mind is a blank
12
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:07,917
♪ My head is spinning
around and around
13
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:11,840
♪ As I go deep into
the funnel of love
14
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♪ Deep into the funnel of love
15
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:22,877
♪ Deep into the funnel of love
16
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♪ Deep into the
funnel of love. ♪
17
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,717
Hey.
18
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,317
Oh, hi.
19
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,197
I'm just here to return these.
20
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:33,957
Those are not my pants.
21
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,317
You going to give me a
tour of your new place?
22
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,237
No. It's, er, still
being renovated.
23
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:39,637
Looks pretty finished
to me. No, no.
24
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,840
I'm waiting in for a builder.
So maybe another time, yeah?
25
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,557
Yeah, yeah. No. OK.
26
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,397
Yeah. See you around,
I guess. Yeah. OK.
27
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,277
PHONE RINGS
28
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:52,517
Oh, shit.
29
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:53,597
What? What is it?
30
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:54,917
Oh, no. I've got a meeting.
31
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,037
Oh, is it important?
It's with my publisher.
32
00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:01,637
For God's sake! My calendar
does not sync into my phone. Oh!
33
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,197
I hate it when that
happens. You should go.
34
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:05,957
I've got to be here
for the builder, Jamma.
35
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,680
I'll let him in.
36
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:09,957
Really?
37
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,717
Haven't you got to be somewhere?
Do something? No. Yes...
38
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,077
No. Yeah, I'm obviously very busy,
but I'll move things around for you.
39
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:17,237
Come on!
40
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,680
Friends help friends
let builders in.
41
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:22,677
Right. Yeah.
42
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,797
Yeah. OK.
43
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:28,077
Yeah? OK. Yes. Go, go! OK, OK.
44
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,917
Chop chop. Yep, yep. Don't
want to miss it! Um, Jamma?
45
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,160
Yeah?
46
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,040
I've just got a new rug.
47
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,560
Yeah. No, I will treat
your home like it's my own.
48
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,917
Knock 'em dead!
49
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,237
SAXOPHONE MUSIC
50
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:53,120
AUDIENCE CHEERS
51
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,277
Oh, shit!
52
00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,800
Bloody hell!
53
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,480
Oh, it smells like stability!
54
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,557
Guy, I'm home!
55
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:10,040
LAUGHTER
56
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,200
Rug... Rug.
57
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,440
Oh!
58
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,517
Jesus Christ.
59
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,080
Fuck!
60
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:45,440
Phew!
61
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,440
Woo!
62
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,560
I could get used to this.
63
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:01,240
AUDIENCE WHOOP
64
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,400
PHONE BUZZES
65
00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,237
I'm inside. Great. Would
you pass the phone to him?
66
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,557
Well, he's not actually here.
67
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:14,917
Guy left you in his
house unsupervised?
68
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,757
Wait, why do you want
to speak to him anyway?
69
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,077
Er, that's confidential.
70
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,837
Well, you won't believe
what I just found.
71
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,037
Don't go looking
through his stuff.
72
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,757
I'm not. It's the manuscript
for the book he's writing.
73
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:25,237
Don't read it. I'm not.
It's a book about his exes.
74
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,600
What did I just say? Oh, my
God! I better not be in this!
75
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,477
Oh, my God, I'm not in this.
76
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,077
Listen, don't go
ruining his house.
77
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:35,717
You're trying to get
back in his good books.
78
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,157
Well, I'm not in any book,
am I? Look, man. Super busy.
79
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:39,717
Got to bounce. No,
wait, wait, wait!
80
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,477
I think I need
you to come round.
81
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:42,597
Why?
82
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,480
I don't know, I
don't trust myself.
83
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,880
Sit still. Don't
touch anything. OK.
84
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,397
LAUGHTER
85
00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,320
No! Move on.
86
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,480
Oh!
87
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,357
HEADPHONES BLARE
88
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,080
LAUGHTER
89
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,640
There it is.
90
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:35,160
Guy!
91
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,797
Boundaries.
92
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,037
DOORBELL RINGS
93
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,200
Builder! Coming!
94
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,800
Oh. Why are you
dressed like an adult?
95
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,157
Oh-h-h!
96
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,277
It's an original Maya Kolachi!
97
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:51,917
Shoes! Take your shoes off.
98
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,637
This is worth, like,
20 bags. Really?
99
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,157
Yeah. Fuck!
100
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,557
I always knew Guy
had good taste.
101
00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,037
Well, obviously. He
dated me. Oh, yeah?
102
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,357
Name one artist.
103
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,277
Er, Maya Kolachi.
104
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:04,957
Someone I haven't just named.
105
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,717
Neil Buchanan.
106
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,557
Is that the Art Attack guy?
107
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,397
Yes. And he's an icon.
108
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,437
DOORBELL RINGS
That's the builder!
109
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,000
Quick!
110
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:19,797
It's takeaway.
111
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,037
I didn't order takeaway.
112
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:22,357
Whose takeaway is it?
113
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,240
CRASHING
114
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,080
Dad?
115
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,080
It's Tuesday.
116
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,517
Let me guess. This was
your plan all along.
117
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,277
What? To reunite the family. No!
118
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,757
I don't even know how
he got in. Front door.
119
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,157
You had a key?
120
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,317
It's Tuesday.
121
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,757
I know what day it is.
122
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,397
I like fish taco.
123
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,077
It's been nearly a year, and
you haven't contacted us once!
124
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,877
Yeah. Where are you
living? Are you safe?
125
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,397
My name is Saif. Yeah, I
know what your name is.
126
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,637
Why do you care about him?
He doesn't care about us.
127
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,160
He does care. You
care. Right, Dad?
128
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,480
Pass the cheese taco.
129
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,997
Careful, man. The rug!
MUFFLED: Where have you been?
130
00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:16,037
Just calm down, OK? We don't
want to miss the builder!
131
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,197
Don't tell me to calm down.
What kind of father...?
132
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:19,957
STOMACH CHURNS
133
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,917
Are you OK?
134
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,117
I'm fine.
135
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:24,997
What kind of fa...? Oh!
136
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,597
GURGLING
137
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,720
Oh, my God, dude. Aren't
you lactose intolerant?
138
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,280
DOORBELL RINGS The builder!
139
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,277
Hi. I'm here for Guy
Harvey. Yes, yes.
140
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:43,557
Come in.
141
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,120
Shoes off. Yeah.
142
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,397
Don't you need tools? Well, I was
hoping you'd provide me with those.
143
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,600
I think I saw some in there.
144
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:55,080
Yeah.
145
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,360
Yeah. In you go. Yeah.
146
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,517
I did it! I let the builder in.
147
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:02,917
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
148
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,640
DOORBELL RINGS
149
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,200
SHOUTING
150
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,157
What's Mum doing here? I
texted her. You did what?
151
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,557
You want to bring
Dad to a bun fight,
152
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:13,877
I'm bringing Mum to a mum fight.
153
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,637
No, no! I didn't bring
anyone to any fight.
154
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,477
He needs to face his
consequences, man.
155
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,677
She will break everything in
the house trying to kill him!
156
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,440
BANGING I want to kill him!
157
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:28,037
Mumsy, so nice to
see you. Shut up! OK.
158
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,277
Shoes off, please.
159
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:30,637
Where is he? Who?
160
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,237
Don't make me fool.
I can smell him.
161
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:33,557
That might have been me, sorry.
162
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,197
What's that? Divorce papers.
163
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:36,997
Whenever I want him to sign,
164
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:38,397
every time he runs away.
165
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,797
No, no, no. Not today.
166
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,517
Yes, exactly. Not today.
167
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,557
No! I mean, don't do this today.
168
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,117
I'm not going to
leave until I find him
169
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,797
and he signs these papers.
170
00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:49,157
Humph!
171
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,677
He went upstairs. Thank
you. Look, this is my son.
172
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,797
No, no! Mum. Take
your shoes off.
173
00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:56,357
Give me your shoes!
174
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:57,957
Just give me them. Shut up!
175
00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,400
DOORBELL RINGS
176
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,397
Here to fix the bathroom.
I'll head on up. Yeah.
177
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:04,717
Wait.
178
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,517
You're the builder?
179
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,677
No need to be sexist, buddy.
180
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,877
Saif!
181
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,960
Then who's in there?
182
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,277
Look.
183
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:20,317
My last therapist turned
out to be a fraud,
184
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,117
so I need this to go
differently, Mr Harvey.
185
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,357
Oh...
186
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,477
Oh, no, no...
187
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,117
You seem like an
intelligent man.
188
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,477
Oh...
189
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:30,640
I feel like I can trust you.
190
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:36,960
Yeah. Of course you can.
191
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:42,877
Let's begin, then.
192
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,760
Saif!
193
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:48,560
He's not upstairs.
194
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,437
Saif! Where is he hiding?
195
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:55,037
So, it's the morning after
my vasectomy... Saif!
196
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,117
...and I wake up and she's gone.
197
00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,437
Took the kids.
198
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,997
SMASHING
199
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:03,557
Is your house always this busy?
200
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:04,797
Just today,
201
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:07,357
because my calendar has not
been syncing to my phone.
202
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,197
SHOUTING You know how...
Sorry. Where were we?
203
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,557
Well... Lying.
204
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:13,637
Cheating.
205
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,237
How it's a big trigger of mine.
206
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:16,840
MAN SNEEZES
207
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,357
Bless you.
208
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:24,277
I didn't sneeze.
209
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,480
Let's unpack that.
210
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:28,557
Huh.
211
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,597
Oh, Mum! What are you doing?!
212
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:32,877
Making the mouse come
out of his home. No, no!
213
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,957
No, you can't do that. He
has been spending my money.
214
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,877
So these plates
are mine to smash!
215
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,197
Oh, no! Mum, wait.
216
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:40,637
Whose house do you
think this is...?
217
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,637
STOMACH LURCHES
218
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,760
What's wrong with you?
219
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,600
Loose motions?
220
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:50,720
I need toilet.
221
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,440
Be careful!
222
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,237
Three men?
223
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:07,797
At the same time?
224
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,637
And that's when I realised
the empty driveway.
225
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,997
She took my Prius.
226
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:14,800
CREAKING
227
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:30,797
Carry on. Er...
228
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:32,160
Smash!
229
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,197
Oh-h-h!
230
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,917
Is everything OK?
Yes. Yes, it is.
231
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,157
Are you sure?
232
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,997
Yes. Um, sorry. You
were saying something?
233
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,637
HE FARTS
234
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,837
You were saying about your
wife not trusting you.
235
00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:01,477
Just before she left, she said
to me that she didn't feel safe.
236
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:02,800
Saif!
237
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,557
What was that?
238
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,040
I didn't hear anything.
239
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:10,797
Um, I just...
240
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:16,477
I want to know what I did
to make her not feel safe.
241
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,477
Hello? I definitely
heard something then.
242
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:21,757
OK, maybe if you could use
another word instead of "safe".
243
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,277
What do you want?!
244
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,517
Who the hell's that?
245
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,037
This is another client of mine.
246
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:30,517
I like to do this type
of therapy, where I...
247
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:31,800
Saif!
248
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:34,237
Would you like my advice? No!
249
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,317
It is good she left.
250
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,720
You have freedom.
251
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,600
Which way did he go?
252
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,557
What's going on?! OK. I think
we should end the session there.
253
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,637
CRASHING Oh, my God!
254
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,557
SCREAMING
255
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,037
What the fuck?!
256
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,957
Oi! My plasterboards!
257
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:57,797
There goes my fucking weekend.
258
00:12:57,880 --> 00:12:59,717
No! No! Help!
259
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,680
Help! Come back!
260
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,477
Oh! Saif.
261
00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:11,680
So, you've, er,
found my robe? Yeah.
262
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,880
STOMACH BUBBLES
263
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,317
HE FARTS
264
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,157
Where are your clothes? Inside.
265
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,437
A gift for you.
266
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,677
Well, that's very
generous of you.
267
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,840
You know that Jamma's
inside, don't you?
268
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,557
I have an appointment.
Yes, yes, I know you do,
269
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,277
but you should definitely
come and say hi. Eye test.
270
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,797
You have an eye test? I see..
271
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,357
Well, let's go and
see Jamma quickly,
272
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,197
and then you can go...
Karate club. Karate club?
273
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:51,637
You're very
flexible, aren't you?
274
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,157
I'm just so triggered. Look,
it's all part of the therapy.
275
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,597
What type of therapy is that?!
276
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:57,400
Well, you know,
exposure therapy.
277
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,317
Including that.
278
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,837
Why don't I show
you out the back?
279
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,357
You will do no such thing!
280
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:12,597
I will be reporting you the
very first chance that I...
281
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:14,357
SHE SHRIEKS
282
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,637
Saif!
283
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:16,677
Oh...
284
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,597
Three deep breaths.
One, two, three.
285
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:19,917
Here we go.
286
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,720
Out for lunch. Yes?
287
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:24,760
Hello, Isaac.
288
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,717
You OK there?
289
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,160
Yeah. Yeah?
290
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,120
Where are you going with that?
291
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,757
Oh. You're taking that, are you?
292
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,277
You're not going to take
my Maya Kolachi, are you?
293
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,837
No, of course you're not.
Well, give it to me, then.
294
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,480
No.
295
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,037
Let it go, Isaac.
296
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,397
No... Let it go!
297
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,240
AUDIENCE GASP
298
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,637
Oh, my...
299
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,520
Oh, my God.
300
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,400
Jamma!
301
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:00,880
Oh...
302
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:03,077
Oh!
303
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,120
GUY SHOUTS INAUDIBLY
304
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,240
Oh!
305
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,477
Jamma! No, no, no!
It's not my fault.
306
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:25,917
I let the builder in, see?
307
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,317
The hole in the ceiling
will be extra. Oh, Jesus!
308
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,277
You said I could trust you!
309
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,277
No, you can. You can.
How can I trust you?
310
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:34,797
There are broken plates...
311
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,400
EVERYONE SHOUTS AT ONCE
312
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,957
Mum! Mum! Hold on. OK, OK!
313
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,837
From now on, you can only speak
if you're holding the vase.
314
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,957
Guy, I found my dad upstairs.
315
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,557
He was somehow
already in your house.
316
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,117
Well, yes. Because it's Tuesday.
317
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,637
I told him it's Tuesday.
318
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,317
Saif comes round every Tuesday
for a shower and a hot meal.
319
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,037
How long has this been going
on?! Since I left your mum.
320
00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,597
Oi, you didn't
leave me, bastard!
321
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,277
I am leaving you!
322
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,157
Sorry. You kept in
touch with my dad,
323
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:04,477
but you're leaving
me out of your book?!
324
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,117
Oh, so you read my manuscript as
well, then?! It's not my fault -
325
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,480
it was just lying there and
my eyes were doing this!
326
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,517
Don't hog the vase, Isaac! Guy,
the only reason I came round
327
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,117
was because you told
me you missed me.
328
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,717
And then I found out I'm not even
in a book about your exes. Why?
329
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:22,837
Why?
330
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,160
Because that chapter
isn't finished yet.
331
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,160
Sorry, I forgot my drill.
332
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,397
I didn't know that
this is your home.
333
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,677
Mm-hm.
334
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,357
It's very beautiful.
335
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:58,480
Thank you.
336
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,317
Um...
337
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,597
Um, how many bedrooms?
338
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:06,237
Er, there's three bedrooms.
339
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,797
Two bathrooms.
340
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,157
There's a second bathroom.
341
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,157
You know, when I
came to this country,
342
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,720
it was my dream to
have a home like this.
343
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:19,917
He was supposed to help me.
344
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,877
Instead, he was taking
everything from me.
345
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,197
He's taking my energy,
346
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,717
taking my patience,
347
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,957
and taking a shit in a vase!
348
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,477
It wasn't me!
349
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:31,717
Let's not point fingers.
350
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,717
But let's also be
clear. It wasn't me.
351
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,197
OK. Can we all just, um...
352
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,757
So, it seems that
the main issue today
353
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:43,317
is that you, Farida, want Saif
to sign the divorce papers.
354
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,477
Is that right?
355
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,397
As you may know, Guy, that now
356
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:50,037
I'm a very successful
television personality.
357
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,557
Are you? I have
been picked to star
358
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,317
in a prestigious advertisement
for car insurance.
359
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,797
As a result of my new stardom,
360
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:01,477
there are so many people
who are interested in me
361
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,117
to do romance.
362
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,157
Even my butcher, you know?
363
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,597
Today he gave me extra mutton!
364
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,560
Oh, my God! Get to the point.
365
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,357
I need to fulfil
my bodily needs,
366
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,357
and if he doesn't
sign these papers,
367
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,637
I won't be able to meet my
bodily needs in a halal way.
368
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:22,917
Oh, my God!
369
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,437
God.
370
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,597
Right.
371
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,517
Um...
372
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:28,880
Saif?
373
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,477
Dad, either sign the
papers or come home.
374
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:34,717
No.
375
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:35,837
To which one?
376
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,197
Both!
377
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,757
That's not a decision!
378
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,597
Why is he being like this?
379
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:44,520
Because endings are
hard, aren't they?
380
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,157
Not to change the
subject, Guy, or anything,
381
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,037
but, um, would you
be my therapist?
382
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,477
What, after you shat
in his vase? Grow up!
383
00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,317
Says the guy who shat in a vase.
384
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,597
This was why I came
round in the first place.
385
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,997
What? To shit in a vase?
To talk about my trauma.
386
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,077
Trauma?
387
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,517
What trauma you have?!
388
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,237
Exactly.
389
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,717
Is everyone involved
with Guy but me? Hang on.
390
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:12,480
Where's Saif?
391
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:17,080
Oh, no! Not again!
392
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,877
I can buy new plates
and a new rug for you,
393
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:33,157
because, as I've already mentioned,
now my career is skyrocketing.
394
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,157
Oh, no. Yes, you did.
You did mention that.
395
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,560
Thank you so much,
Farida. Thank you.
396
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,397
We can unpack all of
this in my first session.
397
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,840
Right, yeah. No, I can't
be your therapist, Isaac.
398
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,077
Um...
399
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,557
You know, but if you wanted
to have a chat, or... Great.
400
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,277
Couldn't afford
to pay you anyway.
401
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,920
Oh, great.
402
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,357
I'm sorry I read
your manuscript.
403
00:19:56,440 --> 00:20:00,197
And about the rug and
the vase and the ceiling.
404
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,680
Yeah. It's not your fault.
405
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,717
Listen, if you
want... If you want...
406
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,637
No, no, no. OK. You...
You go. Right. Please.
407
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,797
I was going to say if you
wanted to have a... talk. Shag.
408
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,757
Sorry? A talk. A
talk. Talk. Yeah.
409
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,397
I'd love that. OK.
410
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,040
Shall we? Yeah.
411
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,200
I definitely said talk.
412
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,037
I mean, it's because I've
been, you know, quite busy.
413
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:26,597
I haven't had much time, but I am
planning on writing that chapter.
414
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,357
And, when I do, that
will be the end.
415
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,200
HE GULPS The end?
416
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:34,837
Of the book.
417
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:36,517
Of the book? Of course.
418
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,517
No, but I am going to be honest.
419
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,720
It might be quite exposing.
420
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,677
That's good.
421
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,117
I want to help you expose me.
422
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,237
Do you?
423
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,397
Yeah. You know, you've got to
give your audience what they want.
424
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,117
Right. It's not going to
be a long chapter, Jamma.
425
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,517
I think the sex alone
was a lot to write about.
426
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,320
It was all right.
427
00:20:58,480 --> 00:20:59,837
It was all right?
428
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:01,117
It was life-changing!
429
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,157
Not for me. For you.
Oh, for me, was it?
430
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,157
That's what you said,
isn't it? Right.
431
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,037
OK. What about the
first time we met?
432
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:08,517
What about it?
433
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,037
How it gave your life meaning.
434
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:13,037
Oh, you... You gave my
life meaning, did you?
435
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:14,957
If you want to write
that down, I support you.
436
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,277
No, no. To be honest,
437
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,717
despite all of your charm,
438
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,480
I found you really annoying.
439
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,277
You thought I was charming.
440
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:28,040
HE CHUCKLES Why is
that what you heard?
441
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,597
This, right now...
442
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,957
Yeah? This is the
reason why we broke up.
443
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,400
And why did we break up?
444
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:43,000
Hello?
445
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,040
What the fuck?
446
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,360
Hello?
447
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:51,800
Is there someone...?
448
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,920
Is there someone in
the fucking house?
449
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,080
Oh, I'm dead.
450
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:04,600
GRUNTING
451
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,557
THEY SCREAM
452
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,240
Jamma!
453
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:21,160
MUSIC: Shik Ma Van
by Juice House Band
30464
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