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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:43,620 Father in heaven, I kneel before you today 2 00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:46,320 to 3 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:53,120 ask that you grant me 4 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:59,900 strength, the strength to power through all the tasks today, whether little 5 00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:00,900 or big. 6 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:07,720 I know it is by your will that I live, O Lord. 7 00:03:08,650 --> 00:03:13,510 And I know it is also by your will that I will not go weak today. 8 00:03:13,830 --> 00:03:15,470 I will not go lazy. 9 00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:22,170 Nor will I fail to do the things that are set before me. 10 00:03:25,490 --> 00:03:28,130 Thank you for your everlasting presence, Lord. 11 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,630 And in Jesus' name I pray. 12 00:03:54,090 --> 00:03:55,930 away for a few days longer. 13 00:03:57,190 --> 00:03:59,870 How long? Your mother's here, isn't she? 14 00:04:02,990 --> 00:04:07,130 I just thought to let you know. 15 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,080 ... ... 16 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:07,420 ... 17 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:12,240 ... ... ... 18 00:08:35,049 --> 00:08:40,870 Southwesterly, clearing westerly, 7 to clearing 9, decreasing 6 in Humber 19 00:08:41,429 --> 00:08:44,510 Rain, then showers, moderate or cool. 20 00:08:46,650 --> 00:08:49,470 10 over White, Portland, Plymouth. 21 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:24,110 My future is shrouded in the wilderness. 22 00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:35,990 Sunshine is far away, clouds linger on. 23 00:11:45,390 --> 00:11:46,390 you 24 00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:59,190 inheritance. 25 00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:30,660 Oh Lord, at least I guess we could have had three feet. 26 00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:37,020 We could. 27 00:18:27,850 --> 00:18:29,210 Thank you. 28 00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:02,100 20 years. 29 00:19:06,940 --> 00:19:07,940 Bless you, brother. 30 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:10,920 Fuck off. 31 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,000 Brian Love. 32 00:22:23,310 --> 00:22:24,310 Where's he gone? 33 00:22:25,490 --> 00:22:26,490 Dad. 34 00:22:28,690 --> 00:22:29,810 Has he gone to see you? 35 00:22:34,150 --> 00:22:36,430 But what the fuck has he got to do with it, Mum? 36 00:22:38,550 --> 00:22:40,150 What has he got to do with it? Everything. 37 00:22:40,550 --> 00:22:41,550 What? 38 00:22:47,050 --> 00:22:49,990 Why'd you hurt that lad, eh? He was fucking asking for it, Mum. 39 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:55,580 Did he say something about your dad? 40 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,000 Jerry's my dad. 41 00:22:59,220 --> 00:23:00,640 Well, he said something about Ray. 42 00:23:01,220 --> 00:23:03,300 Gosh, you know so much, so why are you asking me? 43 00:23:03,580 --> 00:23:04,580 Don't be so cheeky. 44 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,600 I'm just trying to talk to you. 45 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,200 You nearly murdered that lad. 46 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,940 Do you hear me? Well, what killing family? Who's counting? 47 00:23:21,220 --> 00:23:22,220 Ray's going to kill her. 48 00:23:24,460 --> 00:23:27,600 And even if it was one, does it mean you have to be? 49 00:24:24,780 --> 00:24:29,840 Dear Ray, I'm not sure you'll even get this letter or read it even. 50 00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:38,800 So I'm a fact of hope and I'm surprised you'll be reading this one. I want to 51 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,380 start by asking how you are. 52 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:48,280 The silent still burns after all the years and I often wonder if you think 53 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:49,340 me, us. 54 00:27:28,590 --> 00:27:31,810 Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish. 55 00:27:33,130 --> 00:27:35,250 Wine unto the bitter in soul. 56 00:27:36,490 --> 00:27:37,490 Amen. 57 00:27:49,670 --> 00:27:51,310 The majesty of the queen. 58 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,000 What happened to, for what we are about to receive? 59 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,900 No, it's only before eating that you say grace. 60 00:28:15,980 --> 00:28:19,020 You don't mind if you have a few fucking berries without a word? 61 00:28:35,950 --> 00:28:38,650 to wipe your arse this morning. There's all this shit in your pants. 62 00:28:40,310 --> 00:28:41,830 No, that was from yesterday. 63 00:28:43,950 --> 00:28:45,390 You dirty bastard. 64 00:28:52,350 --> 00:28:55,610 Is cleanliness next to godliness, would you say? 65 00:29:01,550 --> 00:29:02,990 How do you know he's not filthy? 66 00:29:03,790 --> 00:29:07,070 There's many evidence in Bibles that God takes a bath three times a week. 67 00:29:08,310 --> 00:29:09,990 Changes his undies every day. 68 00:29:10,190 --> 00:29:13,870 God doesn't need undies because he's not full of shit like you are. Is that so? 69 00:29:14,630 --> 00:29:16,410 He's got an endless supply up there. 70 00:29:16,750 --> 00:29:18,950 But he never has to wear the same pair twice. 71 00:29:21,370 --> 00:29:23,910 Does he like a nice snug fit? 72 00:29:24,970 --> 00:29:31,790 Or does he like plenty of room for his big fucking God balls to swing around 73 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:34,740 Like massive fucking church bells, then. 74 00:29:36,620 --> 00:29:39,840 Bet it's like Canterbury Cathedral down below, Dex. 75 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:46,540 You're going to hell, brother. 76 00:29:48,260 --> 00:29:49,380 Family reunion. 77 00:29:57,740 --> 00:30:00,680 Father Ripper died last week. Saw it in the paper. 78 00:30:07,550 --> 00:30:08,790 Did you see him again? 79 00:30:10,470 --> 00:30:11,470 Is that a question? 80 00:30:16,790 --> 00:30:19,810 Did you hear he was carted off to the nuthouse a few years ago? 81 00:30:26,470 --> 00:30:27,710 Please read that letter. 82 00:30:27,930 --> 00:30:30,750 We're back on leave after a third tour of the province. 83 00:30:32,300 --> 00:30:33,960 Lost two of our lads on that one. 84 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:39,040 So I had to think about him, really. 85 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,480 The more I thought about him, the more I wanted to pay him a visit, have a catch 86 00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:45,480 -up. 87 00:30:45,580 --> 00:30:47,940 A debrief about the good old days. 88 00:30:50,100 --> 00:30:51,880 Anyway, when I got home, I looked him up. 89 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:54,780 Weren't easy to find. 90 00:30:55,980 --> 00:30:59,140 Of course, they'd moved him around a bit, business as usual. 91 00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:01,900 Tracked him down in Huddersfield. 92 00:31:03,700 --> 00:31:06,320 Should have seen you all tugged out my number twos. 93 00:31:06,980 --> 00:31:10,860 Someone that we're in shit order most days of the week. I smartened up well. 94 00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,740 Cacks under the mattress the night before. 95 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,760 Razor sharp creases front and back. 96 00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:21,080 I was pulling the boots all morning like mirrors they were. 97 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,480 It's from parade ground standard, Jim. 98 00:31:24,500 --> 00:31:27,600 Could have done ceremonial duty and put power up that good. 99 00:31:28,350 --> 00:31:29,910 Number two dress and medals. 100 00:31:30,410 --> 00:31:31,730 That well turned out. 101 00:31:32,490 --> 00:31:35,610 I could hear our dear mother's voice saying, come home, son. 102 00:31:36,170 --> 00:31:37,270 For what is forgiven. 103 00:31:38,330 --> 00:31:39,330 Number one. 104 00:31:39,790 --> 00:31:41,870 The what? Number one dress at the palace. 105 00:31:42,070 --> 00:31:44,970 Right, right. That's what I'm saying. Oh, that's smart. You wouldn't have 106 00:31:44,970 --> 00:31:45,789 the difference. 107 00:31:45,790 --> 00:31:47,690 I suppose not. I feel pretty ignorant. 108 00:31:52,170 --> 00:31:54,430 So, go round his house. 109 00:31:55,370 --> 00:31:57,450 Lovely little grace and favour cottage. 110 00:31:58,250 --> 00:32:00,290 Paid for by Saul in a smud out. 111 00:32:00,950 --> 00:32:02,050 Window boxes. 112 00:32:02,350 --> 00:32:03,690 Perfect little lawn. 113 00:32:04,250 --> 00:32:05,250 Edges trimmed. 114 00:32:05,650 --> 00:32:07,470 Knock on the door and there he is. 115 00:32:08,490 --> 00:32:11,050 All scrubbed up. Pink and shiny. 116 00:32:13,710 --> 00:32:14,810 Seemed so old. 117 00:32:16,510 --> 00:32:20,210 I remember him as a big strong bugger. And there he were. 118 00:32:20,990 --> 00:32:25,490 Scrawny little old man with a pot belly. I was surprised at how small he looked. 119 00:32:25,690 --> 00:32:27,190 I said, Father Ripon, it's him. 120 00:32:27,820 --> 00:32:31,360 I'm collecting for the Veterans Association. Would you mind if I stepped 121 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:32,360 for a moment? 122 00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:33,460 I tell him we're impressed. 123 00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:35,300 Oh, do come in, do come in, young man. 124 00:32:35,620 --> 00:32:37,420 You're very welcome, son, do come in. 125 00:32:38,380 --> 00:32:40,520 It's all fluffed up, bustling about. 126 00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:46,140 The kettle's on, fine china, biscuits, the whole works. You'll take a cup, 127 00:32:46,140 --> 00:32:47,140 you, son? 128 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:48,520 Oh, we sit down. 129 00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,400 We sit down in this tidy little parlor, chatting about this and that. I say, 130 00:32:53,580 --> 00:32:55,520 this is your Paris, is it, father? 131 00:32:55,860 --> 00:32:57,000 He said, oh. 132 00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:01,040 Currently between parishes, semi -retired, you know. 133 00:33:01,260 --> 00:33:05,580 I said, oh, that must be difficult after all the years of service. 134 00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:21,080 We talk about, talking about the state of things, the ungovernable, godless 135 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:25,600 youth. He asked me, are you of the faith, son? 136 00:33:29,330 --> 00:33:31,870 Faith runs very deep in our family, Father. 137 00:33:34,450 --> 00:33:37,570 He says, of course, what I miss most of all is working with young people. 138 00:33:38,290 --> 00:33:40,290 And then he choked on me custard cream. 139 00:33:42,510 --> 00:33:45,070 Anyway, so there's a lull in the conversation. 140 00:33:45,330 --> 00:33:48,870 He said, oh, don't make a pardon call. Perhaps you'd like something stronger. 141 00:33:53,550 --> 00:33:55,570 I just looked at him for a long time. 142 00:33:59,820 --> 00:34:01,580 Would you like something stronger, Father? 143 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:10,179 I could see the thrill of it coursing through me, didn't I believe? 144 00:34:10,699 --> 00:34:14,300 His face darkened, his eyes all glittery. 145 00:34:14,639 --> 00:34:20,320 He said, why, what if you were to start to get up? I say, I'm very strong, 146 00:34:20,340 --> 00:34:21,340 Father Ripon. 147 00:34:22,580 --> 00:34:25,880 He sits back down as if his legs went from under him, I say. 148 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:29,520 Would you like to have a look? 149 00:34:31,020 --> 00:34:34,400 I started to unbutton my trousers. I thought it might have heart attacks. 150 00:34:34,620 --> 00:34:36,520 I couldn't believe it. It's like Christmas come early. 151 00:34:36,739 --> 00:34:42,500 So I stood myself up, teasing open the buttons like a rent boy. 152 00:34:44,020 --> 00:34:47,219 Dropped the cax, dropped me undies. 153 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:50,460 I say, there it is. 154 00:34:51,900 --> 00:34:53,719 I lie down on the floor. 155 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,000 He lies down, eager to accommodate. 156 00:34:58,730 --> 00:35:01,650 Sitting in a crucifix, that'll make me nice and hard. 157 00:35:03,890 --> 00:35:08,830 Bottled four with a few steps, I've stood right over him. Oh, there's one 158 00:35:08,830 --> 00:35:10,430 I forgot to mention, Jim. 159 00:35:10,850 --> 00:35:15,890 For a few days before I went round, I was on a diet of Guinness and curry. 160 00:35:16,570 --> 00:35:19,450 And then the afternoon of, I took a handful of laxatives. 161 00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:26,920 But I had to get the timing right. I was sat in my car outside his house for a 162 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:28,340 couple of hours and nothing was shifting. 163 00:35:30,140 --> 00:35:35,900 As soon as I felt that stirring within, I knocked on his door. 164 00:35:37,900 --> 00:35:42,220 As I'm sitting there, it's welling up inside me and now I swear I'm coming 165 00:35:42,220 --> 00:35:43,220 at the seams. 166 00:35:43,540 --> 00:35:45,020 Rivets are popping out of me. 167 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,480 The army teachers just grin and bear it, I'm teaching them. 168 00:35:53,870 --> 00:35:58,470 We do love the exquisite agony of self -denial. 169 00:36:00,650 --> 00:36:03,990 So, stood over him. 170 00:36:07,110 --> 00:36:10,570 I said, don't recognize me, do you? 171 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,580 him a good few moments. His eyes flicking this way and that. 172 00:36:28,540 --> 00:36:29,780 And the penny drops. 173 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,380 Fear runs through him like electricity. 174 00:36:34,540 --> 00:36:37,180 And the stinking sweat poured out with it. 175 00:36:37,380 --> 00:36:40,720 Oh, please don't help me. Please don't help me. I said, don't move. 176 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:48,760 If you move an inch, I'll cut off your meat and potatoes and shove them down 177 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,100 your fucking throat. 178 00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,000 You can suck yourself off for a change. 179 00:36:54,150 --> 00:36:58,250 Oh, come to think of it, Seymour didn't learn to do that a few years ago and 180 00:36:58,250 --> 00:36:59,450 must have been self -sufficient. 181 00:37:02,070 --> 00:37:06,370 Shuffle forwards, about turn, very awkward. 182 00:37:07,650 --> 00:37:11,990 Heels on his stringy little arms, he flinched. I could tell it hurt him, but 183 00:37:11,990 --> 00:37:12,990 didn't move. 184 00:37:13,610 --> 00:37:15,990 Now, look up the sluice pipe, father. 185 00:37:17,490 --> 00:37:19,010 And I squatted down. 186 00:37:21,030 --> 00:37:22,590 And I manured him. 187 00:37:34,779 --> 00:37:39,360 This evacuation was in three distinct phases. 188 00:37:39,780 --> 00:37:42,920 First I sprayed, sprayed him. 189 00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,500 Pebble -fashed him. 190 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,120 Make a flock of pigeons take him. 191 00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,300 waves of hot lava. 192 00:38:02,260 --> 00:38:05,420 Finally, one big, 193 00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:10,600 one 194 00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:16,720 big patty cake, like Weston had, 195 00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,160 flopped out of me. 196 00:38:20,300 --> 00:38:25,140 And he's resting and spitting it in air, breathing, but he has to breathe. 197 00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:30,300 And I'm laughing that much I fear I might topple over into my own hill. 198 00:38:34,260 --> 00:38:35,380 And that's it. 199 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:37,280 Stood up. 200 00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:41,220 Little packet of wet wipes in my pocket. 201 00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:44,020 Cleaved myself up. 202 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,380 And walked out of there light as a feather. 203 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:08,760 Did you believe that? 204 00:39:31,060 --> 00:39:32,400 Did you do you know? 205 00:39:43,980 --> 00:39:44,980 I bet he didn't. 206 00:39:45,900 --> 00:39:48,020 Even though that's it, he was scared of you. 207 00:39:54,100 --> 00:39:57,100 Where were you when he was fucking me up the hole? 208 00:40:25,810 --> 00:40:27,650 Didn't have much luck with fathers, did we? 209 00:45:14,460 --> 00:45:15,500 What are you doing that for? 210 00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:16,880 Huh? 211 00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:18,060 What are you doing that for? 212 00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:20,300 What? Just chuck him in your mouth. 213 00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:08,200 Don't get ahead of yourself. We're only going to train me, Nessa. 214 00:46:09,060 --> 00:46:10,440 It looks good on you, though. 215 00:46:10,860 --> 00:46:13,060 Even the cleaners get white clothes in the chemist. 216 00:46:14,420 --> 00:46:15,740 Have you finished yielding? 217 00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:19,260 Fine, I'm coming up with years. My workplace training. 218 00:46:19,500 --> 00:46:23,440 Right. I'm glad I ran into you, Nessa. I'm not heard from Brian for an inch 219 00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:24,760 Is he all right? 220 00:48:17,660 --> 00:48:19,100 I don't know. 221 00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:24,060 I don't actually know. 222 00:48:25,940 --> 00:48:29,400 I just, I couldn't stop myself. 223 00:48:43,210 --> 00:48:44,310 What did he say to you? 224 00:48:44,510 --> 00:48:45,670 I can't even remember how to. 225 00:48:48,010 --> 00:48:49,010 Well, I can. 226 00:48:50,530 --> 00:48:55,950 The usual stupid shit. 227 00:48:57,290 --> 00:48:58,290 About him? 228 00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:43,100 You're in East Tyrone, right? 229 00:49:45,860 --> 00:49:48,560 Oh, let me just cast my mind back for a moment. 230 00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:50,160 Wrong. 231 00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:54,220 You know exactly where I were. 232 00:49:55,700 --> 00:49:56,700 Cross McGlynn. 233 00:49:58,100 --> 00:49:59,200 Found it, couldn't I? 234 00:50:05,580 --> 00:50:09,540 IRA, active service unit operating in the area doing all sorts. 235 00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:16,880 They were very good, very skillful, cunning, ghosting back and 236 00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:18,140 forth across the border. 237 00:50:20,100 --> 00:50:24,020 They were cat and mouse, sometimes we were the cat, sometimes they weren't. 238 00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:27,500 It was often so you weren't even sure which. 239 00:50:29,900 --> 00:50:32,500 You could have them in your sights with the safety catch off. 240 00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:37,420 Meantime, they'd have a high -velocity round merrily winging its way toward the 241 00:50:37,420 --> 00:50:38,420 back of your head. 242 00:50:43,220 --> 00:50:49,760 Just in a week before we dug in, we found and defused three 243 00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:51,340 massive IEDs of theirs. 244 00:50:52,940 --> 00:50:56,780 They shot and killed one of our dog handlers and the dog. 245 00:50:57,700 --> 00:50:59,480 And they shot down a fucking helicopter. 246 00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:01,600 One week's work. 247 00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:09,360 Provo Army Council expected results and they weren't disappointed. 248 00:51:13,820 --> 00:51:20,680 Incendiaries, IEDs, grenades, mortars, sniper rifles, heavy 249 00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:24,100 machine guns are better equipped than we were. 250 00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:13,180 But they're the flowers I did used to grow. 251 00:55:15,580 --> 00:55:16,580 Anemones. 252 00:55:45,580 --> 00:55:47,780 I'll write as if you've read all my other letters. 253 00:55:49,380 --> 00:55:53,560 The desire to talk to you and share everything is strong. However, this 254 00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:54,379 about me. 255 00:55:54,380 --> 00:55:55,660 This is about Brian. 256 00:55:58,540 --> 00:55:59,660 Brian needs you. 257 00:56:02,820 --> 00:56:05,400 Never before have I asked you in this way. 258 00:56:08,580 --> 00:56:09,580 He's in trouble. 259 00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:03,480 You leaving? 260 00:58:12,620 --> 00:58:14,300 Accommodation not good enough for you? 261 00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:30,140 When you liked it, every day Nessa wrote to you. How long was it? 262 00:58:32,780 --> 00:58:38,180 When you went limping off into the woods, she didn't want to interfere with 263 00:58:38,180 --> 00:58:39,180 decision. 264 00:58:41,380 --> 00:58:44,180 For a couple of years, we thought you'd turn up one day. 265 00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:49,980 She had no idea if you got her letters, let alone if you had them. 266 00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:54,920 You knew she were pregnant. 267 00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:58,360 You never answered her once. 268 00:59:06,670 --> 00:59:08,110 You've been going through many things. 269 00:59:13,930 --> 00:59:17,290 Fuck off back to Toy Town, you fucking ape. 270 00:59:18,710 --> 00:59:22,270 Got me girl, got me son, got me life. 271 00:59:22,490 --> 00:59:23,790 What more do you fucking want? 272 00:59:24,630 --> 00:59:26,910 It was you that left you. 273 00:59:27,110 --> 00:59:28,670 Get over yourselves, lad. 274 00:59:29,930 --> 00:59:31,050 It's not about you. 275 00:59:31,430 --> 00:59:32,430 Fact. 276 00:59:33,170 --> 00:59:34,270 It's about Brian. 277 00:59:34,830 --> 00:59:37,490 Poor only child of a deranged fugitive. 278 00:59:39,770 --> 00:59:42,590 You want to give him some brothers and sisters to play with. 279 00:59:45,190 --> 00:59:46,890 You're a big lump of a lad. 280 00:59:47,930 --> 00:59:49,990 Don't tell me you were firing blanks. 281 00:59:54,250 --> 00:59:56,070 She prayed for you every night, Rick. 282 00:59:57,990 --> 01:00:01,190 She still prays for you. Tell her to shave her fucking breath. 283 01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:04,360 My dad prayed for you too. 284 01:00:05,400 --> 01:00:08,480 Every day for the rest of his life. You've gone soft. 285 01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:10,780 That miserable bastard. 286 01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:14,420 Oh, he prayed. He prayed, didn't he? 287 01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:18,800 He prayed every time he took his belt off. Didn't he pray again afterwards? 288 01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:22,500 Wet under the arms from the efforts of his labour. Or he prayed regular. 289 01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:27,220 We learnt our violence from the number one regional champion. 290 01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:29,140 And he had some stiff competition. 291 01:00:30,320 --> 01:00:35,100 Who knows, maybe at the British Legion Dominoes Championship. 292 01:00:35,960 --> 01:00:40,960 His life and soul blaze about regimental tie, chest out frontiers, the long 293 01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:42,980 range desert patrol, now that will war. 294 01:00:43,420 --> 01:00:46,980 Signed for breakfast, lunch and dinner. If Rommel didn't get you the fly, soon 295 01:00:46,980 --> 01:00:49,900 he would. He didn't talk like that. That's right, he didn't fucking talk at 296 01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:50,879 did he? 297 01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:54,680 I've had plenty of fucking time to fill in the fucking silence for him. 298 01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:57,600 What do you want from me, brother? 299 01:01:00,270 --> 01:01:02,790 You know if you read the letter. I've read the fucking letter. 300 01:01:03,010 --> 01:01:05,510 I've read the fucking letter. What the fuck? 301 01:01:06,210 --> 01:01:07,650 What do you want? 302 01:01:20,270 --> 01:01:21,690 I'm beyond your reach, Jen. 303 01:01:23,730 --> 01:01:26,310 I'm well beyond her reach. There'll be no epiphany. 304 01:01:26,730 --> 01:01:29,710 So fuck off back to your little family and sort it out. 305 01:01:32,350 --> 01:01:35,690 You don't want me to leave, do you? Why in God's name did you let that boy join 306 01:01:35,690 --> 01:01:37,130 army in first fucking place? 307 01:01:37,370 --> 01:01:41,370 It had nothing to do with me. This is on you, mate. Look, though I've raised the 308 01:01:41,370 --> 01:01:45,350 boy, you think he's not a pig -headed little bastard like you are? 309 01:01:46,130 --> 01:01:47,390 You were up to no with me. 310 01:01:48,150 --> 01:01:49,290 I said my piece. 311 01:01:50,030 --> 01:01:52,350 I didn't think you should do it, following our footsteps. 312 01:01:53,110 --> 01:01:55,570 I thought you were just chasing after... 313 01:01:58,980 --> 01:02:02,580 Anyway, regardless of what I think or don't think, do you honestly believe 314 01:02:02,580 --> 01:02:06,020 your son wouldn't do a thing just because somebody told him not to? 315 01:02:28,750 --> 01:02:30,590 He's currently absent without leave. 316 01:02:32,110 --> 01:02:36,410 And as much as they like him, you know as well as I do, there's no warm, fuzzy 317 01:02:36,410 --> 01:02:37,690 feeling in the MRD. 318 01:02:40,270 --> 01:02:42,350 There's only so long to turn a blind eye. 319 01:02:44,210 --> 01:02:46,570 Maybe a week, if we're lucky. 320 01:02:48,290 --> 01:02:51,710 And then the MPs will come knocking and take him away. 321 01:02:53,950 --> 01:02:55,290 But that's the least of it. 322 01:02:57,390 --> 01:02:59,530 I've seen my share of lost souls, Ray. 323 01:03:00,990 --> 01:03:04,370 And at this moment, your son is in the dark. 324 01:03:04,790 --> 01:03:07,490 Believer or non -believer, there are forces at work. 325 01:03:07,910 --> 01:03:08,910 Fact. 326 01:03:14,170 --> 01:03:17,150 I don't want anything from you, Ray. I don't want anything. 327 01:03:20,270 --> 01:03:21,270 Nessa. 328 01:03:21,990 --> 01:03:23,050 Nessa believes it. 329 01:03:23,270 --> 01:03:25,850 If you met him and talked to him... 330 01:03:26,090 --> 01:03:27,090 Give him some answers. 331 01:03:27,430 --> 01:03:29,310 It just might make a difference, it might. 332 01:03:36,310 --> 01:03:37,310 For it's too late. 333 01:04:14,090 --> 01:04:16,730 Brian savaged this lad. He fucking savaged him. 334 01:04:18,610 --> 01:04:22,230 He's convinced himself if they hadn't pulled him off, he'd have killed him. 335 01:04:24,210 --> 01:04:28,130 And this has been following Brian since primary school. Your father's this, your 336 01:04:28,130 --> 01:04:29,130 father's that. 337 01:04:29,510 --> 01:04:30,870 Is he in the nuts house? 338 01:04:31,410 --> 01:04:32,590 Is he banged up? 339 01:04:34,590 --> 01:04:37,190 The invisible man, Ray Stoker. 340 01:04:50,250 --> 01:04:51,670 I'm going to get out of here double time. 341 01:05:18,270 --> 01:05:19,270 I'm going to see a baby. 342 01:05:46,380 --> 01:05:48,980 Do not move him madam and do not remove his helmet. 343 01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:50,960 You're doing so well. 344 01:05:51,740 --> 01:05:53,360 I know there's a lot of blood. 345 01:06:44,140 --> 01:06:48,300 well you were all over me at that stage like a bloody octopus and i was like 346 01:06:48,300 --> 01:06:52,300 whipping my head back and forth just trying to catch a clean breath but you 347 01:06:52,300 --> 01:06:56,480 have thought i was an ecstasy because that mini wet goblin just kept reaching 348 01:06:56,480 --> 01:07:03,300 for me oh it wasn't going back down but i'm not lying his breath smelled 349 01:07:03,300 --> 01:07:06,700 like shit have you ever had that 350 01:07:33,480 --> 01:07:34,480 Cheers, mate. 351 01:07:37,480 --> 01:07:39,700 Some crisps, you know. You like them. 352 01:07:40,500 --> 01:07:41,500 Cheese and onion. 353 01:07:42,620 --> 01:07:44,780 This is our juice, mate. I won't be long. 354 01:07:46,300 --> 01:07:47,300 I won't be long. 355 01:09:20,359 --> 01:09:22,620 He's beautiful, kind, funny, loyal. 356 01:09:23,359 --> 01:09:25,660 He's so like you in so many ways. 357 01:09:25,979 --> 01:09:27,040 Funny that, eh? 358 01:09:28,540 --> 01:09:35,439 Anyway, I implore you, for the sake of Brian, to 359 01:09:35,439 --> 01:09:37,840 please, please come home and talk to him. 360 01:09:57,770 --> 01:09:58,830 him meet you are waste. 361 01:09:59,470 --> 01:10:04,990 And maybe, just maybe he can move forward and let go of whatever demon 362 01:10:04,990 --> 01:10:06,130 holding him so tight. 363 01:10:07,430 --> 01:10:10,530 I pray you are well and he fit to answer. 364 01:10:11,830 --> 01:10:12,830 God bless. 365 01:11:17,589 --> 01:11:18,630 What? What? 366 01:11:22,370 --> 01:11:23,490 What? What the fuck? 367 01:11:26,290 --> 01:11:27,290 Spit an image. 368 01:11:28,350 --> 01:11:29,350 What? 369 01:11:30,170 --> 01:11:31,170 Spit an image. 370 01:11:31,570 --> 01:11:32,730 Spit an image who? 371 01:11:37,290 --> 01:11:38,290 Fuck off. 372 01:11:38,950 --> 01:11:40,350 Fuck right off. 373 01:11:41,210 --> 01:11:44,170 Our father ruled us in heaven. Fuck off. 374 01:11:50,810 --> 01:11:57,210 Fuck, I'm a bit... Fuck, I'm a bit of a shadow bugger. 375 01:12:09,960 --> 01:12:14,460 The boy, Brian, was doing well, very well. 376 01:12:15,960 --> 01:12:17,460 They think he's a real prospect. 377 01:12:18,460 --> 01:12:21,260 Can't help himself, the other lad's just falling behind him. 378 01:12:22,560 --> 01:12:23,560 All right. 379 01:12:24,680 --> 01:12:29,380 You remember what it's like when you're cold and hungry and slept in three 380 01:12:29,380 --> 01:12:30,880 nights. It's every man for himself. 381 01:12:32,060 --> 01:12:36,000 With Brian, he's got strength to spare. 382 01:12:36,320 --> 01:12:38,880 He may be at the end of his rope, but he's still looking out for the others. 383 01:12:40,560 --> 01:12:41,960 I'm gonna pay attention to that. 384 01:13:01,100 --> 01:13:07,900 When you did selection and were badged into the regiment, I was so proud. 385 01:13:13,600 --> 01:13:15,280 I thought, I want that. 386 01:13:16,940 --> 01:13:18,180 I want some of that. 387 01:13:19,940 --> 01:13:26,200 I suppose volunteering for 14 inns would have a way of getting closer, you know. 388 01:13:30,620 --> 01:13:35,200 Training in Bradbury lines with the old lads and all. I thought it would have 389 01:13:35,200 --> 01:13:37,020 within reach. 390 01:13:56,680 --> 01:13:57,680 It doesn't mean that it's all I know. 391 01:14:09,980 --> 01:14:15,400 Even with all the shit that he put up with over the years, there was some idea 392 01:14:15,400 --> 01:14:21,340 he had of the space where he should have been, that he was chasing after, that 393 01:14:21,340 --> 01:14:22,560 he was fascinated by. 394 01:14:25,740 --> 01:14:27,020 Right into his own shadow. 395 01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:33,400 He doesn't know who you are. 396 01:14:34,960 --> 01:14:36,440 He knows nothing about you. 397 01:14:38,120 --> 01:14:43,080 Except for the old stories when we were youngsters, you know, the short fuse, 398 01:14:43,400 --> 01:14:48,620 street fights, vandalism. You and me both were both liabilities then. 399 01:14:50,000 --> 01:14:54,980 But now he... I don't know, he loves his hands, I suppose. 400 01:14:56,330 --> 01:14:58,370 It belonged to somebody else. 401 01:14:58,710 --> 01:14:59,710 What? 402 01:15:06,470 --> 01:15:07,730 Romus, mate, Romus. 403 01:15:11,310 --> 01:15:13,490 So he's told me what happened, that's all we've got. 404 01:17:34,250 --> 01:17:37,190 I realise I've never properly spoken to you about your father. 405 01:17:39,030 --> 01:17:40,770 And that was a fault of me, Brian. 406 01:17:44,510 --> 01:17:49,090 Me and Gem thought we could make a nice life for you, and I think in some ways 407 01:17:49,090 --> 01:17:50,090 we have. 408 01:17:50,590 --> 01:17:53,850 But it can't have been easier for you. 409 01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:55,750 All these years. 410 01:17:56,410 --> 01:17:57,930 You know, looming over everything. 411 01:17:59,290 --> 01:18:00,370 Every family dinner. 412 01:18:01,480 --> 01:18:04,480 Every birthday, every Christmas, every special occasion. 413 01:18:08,080 --> 01:18:12,460 And I suppose by not talking to you about it. 414 01:18:37,610 --> 01:18:39,830 What did you know about the other troubles in Northern Ireland? 415 01:20:22,000 --> 01:20:23,220 We'll sleep outside tonight. 416 01:20:35,440 --> 01:20:36,840 I lost him in stages. 417 01:20:40,080 --> 01:20:41,360 I lost him in stages. 418 01:20:44,560 --> 01:20:48,280 After the first few tours in Northern Ireland, he was already quite hard to 419 01:20:48,280 --> 01:20:49,280 reach. 420 01:20:49,880 --> 01:20:53,480 And then when he... volunteered for some special assignment the minute he raised 421 01:20:53,480 --> 01:21:00,220 his hand he seemed to disappear into another world it wasn't just that he 422 01:21:00,220 --> 01:21:07,200 it he would have a lot of eager he said 423 01:21:07,200 --> 01:21:12,020 goodbye well before he left and when he came back he couldn't reach him he sat 424 01:21:12,020 --> 01:21:16,120 at a kitchen table with him he'd be looking at you like you were the other 425 01:21:16,120 --> 01:21:17,120 of a football pitch 426 01:21:18,080 --> 01:21:21,180 You're an acquaintance, you know, maybe, and you were trying to figure out who 427 01:21:21,180 --> 01:21:22,180 you were. 428 01:21:25,400 --> 01:21:26,720 I was pregnant with you. 429 01:21:28,560 --> 01:21:34,260 I was getting bigger by the day, and you seemed to be shrinking. I felt like a 430 01:21:34,260 --> 01:21:37,660 big lumbering giant living with a miniature person, afraid I was going to 431 01:21:37,660 --> 01:21:38,660 him underfoot. 432 01:21:47,430 --> 01:21:48,750 I must have been waiting for it. 433 01:21:58,290 --> 01:22:00,590 Ray never spoke to me about what happened over there. 434 01:22:02,010 --> 01:22:05,910 I tried to get in touch with a few of the lads that he served with, you know, 435 01:22:05,950 --> 01:22:07,290 that were with him, but they said nothing. 436 01:22:08,730 --> 01:22:11,330 They're on a warning from the MOD. They must have been on a warning. 437 01:22:11,630 --> 01:22:14,430 So all I have is what I'm telling you now. 438 01:22:16,430 --> 01:22:17,430 But I knew Ray. 439 01:22:17,790 --> 01:22:20,130 I knew Ray better than I knew myself. 440 01:22:20,750 --> 01:22:23,670 And as I said, those lads, they couldn't stay out. 441 01:22:25,030 --> 01:22:29,450 I tell you this much, they loved him and they respected him. And they never gave 442 01:22:29,450 --> 01:22:33,150 me, never gave me one hint of a reason that he'd done something he should be 443 01:22:33,150 --> 01:22:34,150 ashamed of. 444 01:22:42,150 --> 01:22:43,150 We're left. 445 01:22:49,710 --> 01:22:50,850 something to be proud of. 446 01:25:02,090 --> 01:25:03,790 It's what he called a war crime. 447 01:25:08,210 --> 01:25:13,330 A fucking war crime. The war was a fucking crime. 448 01:25:15,950 --> 01:25:17,870 And we were the phantom soldiers. 449 01:25:25,330 --> 01:25:28,570 Our mission on this one was surveillance, pure and simple. 450 01:25:29,690 --> 01:25:31,250 We dug in at night time. 451 01:25:31,850 --> 01:25:32,850 Two OPs. 452 01:25:33,430 --> 01:25:37,290 Ours were in a hedgerow at the end of an unpaved laneway, bordering the farm 453 01:25:37,290 --> 01:25:38,290 buildings. 454 01:25:38,570 --> 01:25:43,450 A structure of interest with a milking shed no more than 30, 40 feet from us 455 01:25:43,450 --> 01:25:44,450 across the yard. 456 01:25:44,510 --> 01:25:47,050 On the tip -off we'd scarred a few nights before. 457 01:25:49,250 --> 01:25:51,110 They arrived shortly after sun -up. 458 01:25:52,710 --> 01:25:56,770 The bomb -maker was a player well -known to us, a young lad with whom we'd never 459 01:25:56,770 --> 01:25:57,770 seen him before. 460 01:26:00,750 --> 01:26:05,450 I didn't tell them we saw it, but for two days there was no movement. I 461 01:26:05,450 --> 01:26:09,170 to wonder if they somehow slipped away, if there were a tunnel or concealed 462 01:26:09,170 --> 01:26:11,250 entrance movement when we wrecked the building. 463 01:26:13,450 --> 01:26:16,130 I was just writing on my report when the bomb went off. 464 01:26:23,450 --> 01:26:26,750 The explosion was so loud, you couldn't hear it. 465 01:26:29,480 --> 01:26:32,700 The concussive force ran through every cell of your body. 466 01:26:33,160 --> 01:26:36,340 Filled you up by the worst. Nothing left of you. 467 01:26:37,620 --> 01:26:38,620 Chaos. 468 01:26:40,680 --> 01:26:43,620 Entire roof lifted off the shed on a cloud of black smoke. 469 01:26:43,920 --> 01:26:44,920 Like the cartoon. 470 01:26:45,620 --> 01:26:46,920 Walls swelled outwards. 471 01:26:47,340 --> 01:26:48,340 Opened up. 472 01:26:48,420 --> 01:26:52,200 Debris started to rain down on us. Are we being attacked? Do they know we're 473 01:26:52,200 --> 01:26:56,420 here? Are they getting rid of it? They do that sometimes. You know how it were. 474 01:26:56,520 --> 01:26:57,980 If they thought you were onto them. 475 01:26:58,920 --> 01:27:00,680 detonate the ordnance in Scarborough. 476 01:27:01,040 --> 01:27:06,020 We were waiting for the incoming, but so far, nothing. 477 01:27:10,900 --> 01:27:12,960 Then there was just the sound of this fellow screaming. 478 01:27:18,220 --> 01:27:21,520 Like I said, we were on surveillance, nothing more. We weren't equipped for 479 01:27:21,520 --> 01:27:22,520 anything serious. 480 01:27:22,940 --> 01:27:25,420 Sidearms only, couple of longs between us. 481 01:27:26,380 --> 01:27:29,840 When that Semtex went off, we should have called it in, handed over to you 482 01:27:29,840 --> 01:27:31,920 that, but I don't know why. 483 01:27:33,260 --> 01:27:37,260 For some reason, we moved in, advanced to contact. 484 01:27:39,240 --> 01:27:43,880 I suppose it were a right to the sound of the guns type of madness. 485 01:27:44,140 --> 01:27:47,740 We started to crawl toward the milking shed. Could have been weapons trained on 486 01:27:47,740 --> 01:27:48,780 us, snipers. 487 01:27:49,120 --> 01:27:51,860 Could have been another bomb waiting in the building. We didn't know. 488 01:27:57,550 --> 01:28:01,490 We're crawling, heads down, getting closer, getting closer, all we could. 489 01:28:04,850 --> 01:28:06,650 We only saw him with a screaming. 490 01:28:09,290 --> 01:28:12,750 Obviously, we wanted to get one of the light we could get to talk. 491 01:28:16,490 --> 01:28:19,570 But that smoke here in the building could barely see in front of you. 492 01:28:20,770 --> 01:28:23,670 It turned out it were just the two of them, master and apprentice. 493 01:28:25,770 --> 01:28:28,610 The player must have been stood between the bomb and the kid. 494 01:28:28,810 --> 01:28:30,150 There were an out left of him. 495 01:28:31,890 --> 01:28:35,390 Except his fucking teeth, buried in the side of the young fella's head. 496 01:28:37,930 --> 01:28:39,930 Heard over his nephew a few days later. 497 01:28:42,510 --> 01:28:48,330 That was a slip when we went in on some piece of him that were covered in... 498 01:28:48,330 --> 01:28:53,430 When I picked myself up, they were covered in his slime. 499 01:28:58,600 --> 01:28:59,680 Kipper on the ground. 500 01:29:01,120 --> 01:29:07,700 Bits of him were even alive, just about, but bits of him were missing. 501 01:29:08,780 --> 01:29:12,000 His innards were spilled out and he was crying out for his mother. 502 01:29:14,600 --> 01:29:17,360 One maker's teeth buried inside of his head. 503 01:29:20,060 --> 01:29:24,100 I was stood right over him. Our three lads clearing the run left and right. 504 01:29:24,940 --> 01:29:26,160 I'm stood over him. 505 01:29:27,280 --> 01:29:29,220 He would die in this kitchen. He would die. 506 01:29:30,440 --> 01:29:32,220 You see the fear in his eyes. 507 01:29:33,940 --> 01:29:34,940 Look at hatred. 508 01:29:36,380 --> 01:29:37,580 Look to me with hatred. 509 01:29:39,240 --> 01:29:43,640 Could have been more than 16 or 17 years old. Younger than Brian is now. 510 01:29:44,760 --> 01:29:45,980 He's screaming at me. 511 01:29:49,260 --> 01:29:50,580 Begging me to shoot him. 512 01:29:52,200 --> 01:29:53,260 So I shot him. 513 01:30:08,840 --> 01:30:10,220 Yes, he was fucking dying. 514 01:30:10,660 --> 01:30:12,980 I didn't fucking kill him. He killed himself. 515 01:30:13,280 --> 01:30:14,360 Fucking killed himself. 516 01:30:15,000 --> 01:30:17,900 I just nudged him across the line. Fucking bastard. 517 01:30:18,720 --> 01:30:22,080 Where were they going to put that bomb? In a pub? In a shopping centre? In a 518 01:30:22,080 --> 01:30:26,160 nightclub? Guaranteed to be innocent people. But it's how fucking merciful. 519 01:30:26,160 --> 01:30:27,200 how they just killed themselves. 520 01:30:27,620 --> 01:30:28,960 And I'm the fucking murderer. 521 01:30:29,520 --> 01:30:31,740 Wish I had left him to that. 522 01:30:35,260 --> 01:30:37,500 Wish I'd left him to his full measure of suffering. 523 01:30:38,350 --> 01:30:41,910 Lying there with his guts spilled out, crying for his mother. I should have 524 01:30:41,910 --> 01:30:42,910 him there. 525 01:30:43,190 --> 01:30:44,610 Should have called an ambulance. 526 01:30:45,150 --> 01:30:46,910 Told him to take the scenic route. 527 01:30:50,330 --> 01:30:55,070 Not fucking thinking how I did him a favour, but I fucking did. He was 528 01:30:55,070 --> 01:30:56,070 me to do it. 529 01:30:56,710 --> 01:31:00,130 17 years old, shivering on the ground. I finished him off. 530 01:31:02,850 --> 01:31:04,190 Just to stop the screaming. 531 01:31:16,660 --> 01:31:17,880 That's it. That's all there were. 532 01:31:19,080 --> 01:31:24,220 Yeah, listen, of course, the lads knew. The lads knew why I'd done it. They 533 01:31:24,220 --> 01:31:25,220 didn't question it. 534 01:31:25,680 --> 01:31:29,700 They knew this fellow was gone and no one would get anything out of him. No 535 01:31:29,700 --> 01:31:31,760 would have gotten him anywhere. He wouldn't have survived. 536 01:31:32,060 --> 01:31:33,980 No one said a word. No one questioned him. 537 01:31:41,620 --> 01:31:42,680 No one said a word. 538 01:31:45,610 --> 01:31:50,530 I called in to self -debt operations room. That stage our job were done. 539 01:31:50,530 --> 01:31:52,750 over, went back to barracks, had the debrief. 540 01:31:53,010 --> 01:31:56,210 That boy's injuries didn't occur to me. Any questions would be asked. 541 01:31:57,070 --> 01:32:00,730 They were all in a twist. 542 01:32:01,570 --> 01:32:03,710 The Ruperts, the higher -ups. 543 01:32:06,050 --> 01:32:11,190 After the CO had me in his office, 544 01:32:15,120 --> 01:32:16,540 I could tell he was under stress. 545 01:32:17,240 --> 01:32:20,600 His old fat head looked like a boil that needed lancing. 546 01:32:22,300 --> 01:32:27,340 By all the rules of lawful engagement, that's a war crime, Sergeant Stoke. And 547 01:32:27,340 --> 01:32:28,480 thought, oh, here we go. 548 01:32:28,740 --> 01:32:32,040 He's looking hard at me. We need to make this go away. 549 01:32:33,340 --> 01:32:34,860 He presented a threat. 550 01:32:35,520 --> 01:32:37,040 He raised his weapon. 551 01:32:42,000 --> 01:32:44,400 No, he fucking didn't, sir. 552 01:32:49,610 --> 01:32:52,650 This house isn't as fresh now as it fucking didn't. 553 01:32:59,950 --> 01:33:01,550 His arms were shredded. 554 01:33:08,110 --> 01:33:13,690 I'd love to get out. He can't just put himself together and nobody think. 555 01:33:14,770 --> 01:33:18,030 Take a couple of days, see the head doctor, he'll be right as red. 556 01:33:19,600 --> 01:33:21,060 will make this go away. 557 01:33:21,740 --> 01:33:27,260 I stood in front of him, hot tears squirting out of me. If you'd asked me 558 01:33:27,260 --> 01:33:29,220 my name were, I wouldn't have known. 559 01:33:35,660 --> 01:33:42,540 But it took a couple of days, but it weren't that long for the shrink 560 01:33:42,540 --> 01:33:46,960 to see that when a crack in the ice, it wouldn't seal over. 561 01:33:48,009 --> 01:33:54,710 However, as he put it, an unstable element staged to 562 01:33:54,710 --> 01:33:58,930 myself and others, which in our line of work meant generally bad for business, 563 01:33:59,150 --> 01:34:05,290 time to go home. So he declared me unfit, returned to unit, signed me out, 564 01:34:05,290 --> 01:34:06,610 me on a plane back to the regiment. 565 01:34:08,750 --> 01:34:13,290 A short while later, I find myself on the streets of Sheffield staring at my 566 01:34:13,290 --> 01:34:14,890 front door, a civilian. 567 01:34:21,320 --> 01:34:25,220 A dirty little secret war criminal. 568 01:34:27,100 --> 01:34:31,920 Yeah, well, our coming -up 15 -year service due out anyway. 569 01:34:41,440 --> 01:34:42,800 Could you save him? 570 01:34:43,840 --> 01:34:46,520 I did save him, Jeff. I did save him. 571 01:34:47,620 --> 01:34:49,360 Saved him from more fucking pain. 572 01:34:50,220 --> 01:34:53,920 I'd have enjoyed watching him suffer a little bit longer, so I did save him. 573 01:34:53,920 --> 01:34:54,920 Saved him, that. 574 01:35:00,380 --> 01:35:01,620 Why did you shoot him? 575 01:35:03,320 --> 01:35:04,720 We have kept him alive. 576 01:35:09,740 --> 01:35:13,120 But at some time I knew we couldn't. At the time. 577 01:35:16,040 --> 01:35:17,260 At the time. 578 01:35:43,530 --> 01:35:45,850 to reach your fucking absolution, Jim. 579 01:35:47,710 --> 01:35:49,310 Maybe I could have saved him. 580 01:35:50,210 --> 01:35:54,370 Maybe I could have saved him. Maybe I enjoyed killing him. Maybe I didn't. 581 01:35:54,370 --> 01:35:58,790 I pitied him. Maybe I fucking hated him. I don't know, Jim. I don't know. 582 01:36:00,690 --> 01:36:02,950 But I don't reach your fucking absolution. 583 01:36:04,650 --> 01:36:05,830 I did the crime. 584 01:36:06,090 --> 01:36:07,610 Still serving the time. 585 01:36:08,330 --> 01:36:09,770 Don't tell none to nobody. 586 01:36:12,110 --> 01:36:13,190 Don't turn up to nobody. 587 01:36:14,930 --> 01:36:16,030 Least of all to you. 588 01:36:18,450 --> 01:36:23,550 How many fucking hail bearers do I get for that? 589 01:37:47,360 --> 01:37:50,700 with us, his eyes searching for the exit. 590 01:37:53,280 --> 01:37:56,520 Well, there were rumours, as you all may know too well, that he'd lost his mind 591 01:37:56,520 --> 01:38:01,220 over there, that, you know, he'd gone psycho, that he'd been involved in some 592 01:38:01,220 --> 01:38:04,280 bad things, even that he'd murdered an announcer, will you? 593 01:38:05,580 --> 01:38:09,460 Oh, and the shame, the shame of it seemed to crush him. 594 01:38:09,720 --> 01:38:12,060 I mean, regardless of what happened, the shame. 595 01:38:15,020 --> 01:38:17,800 It's hard to imagine that, you know, what shame can do to a person. He was a 596 01:38:17,800 --> 01:38:19,920 very proud man, your father, Brian. He was very proud. 597 01:38:21,300 --> 01:38:22,300 Proud? 598 01:38:22,440 --> 01:38:23,440 You don't understand. 599 01:38:24,900 --> 01:38:27,120 He put his heart and soul into it, did he? 600 01:38:27,560 --> 01:38:29,180 Just like your dad, Jim, you know? 601 01:38:30,520 --> 01:38:34,220 So to take that away from somebody, to take it away from him, it's like taking 602 01:38:34,220 --> 01:38:35,220 his name away. 603 01:38:35,240 --> 01:38:37,120 How can you be so fucking reasonable about it? 604 01:38:37,360 --> 01:38:39,500 I wasn't reasonable about it at the time. 605 01:38:41,500 --> 01:38:42,500 You know, and if it... 606 01:38:42,650 --> 01:38:45,410 if it wasn't for knowing that there was a baby on the way, and if it wasn't for 607 01:38:45,410 --> 01:38:46,410 you. 608 01:38:57,690 --> 01:39:01,010 So yeah, we left it. 609 01:39:02,670 --> 01:39:03,670 I'm sorry. 610 01:39:09,570 --> 01:39:11,850 These are what you think, right over your door. 611 01:39:17,740 --> 01:39:20,200 I think you're a fucking killer. 612 01:39:21,500 --> 01:39:22,500 And a coward. 613 01:39:23,900 --> 01:39:27,400 Because only a weak, cowardly person can walk away from the family like that. 614 01:39:31,420 --> 01:39:35,140 Don't talk about him. You don't know him. No, you're right. I don't know him. 615 01:39:36,620 --> 01:39:39,940 That's the problem, innit? I don't fucking know him. 616 01:39:42,740 --> 01:39:44,880 I know everything I fucking need to know about him. 617 01:39:45,980 --> 01:39:46,980 Bastard. 618 01:39:49,980 --> 01:39:52,940 There's a big, giant fucking thing going on in the middle of our lives. 619 01:39:59,440 --> 01:40:01,060 Don't talk about him like that. 620 01:40:02,260 --> 01:40:05,100 Don't talk about anybody like that in my presence. 621 01:40:05,640 --> 01:40:08,800 At least of all the men who gave you life, which is a blessing. Blessed? 622 01:40:10,420 --> 01:40:13,660 Blessed? Why did everything have to be so fucking blessed in this house, Mum? 623 01:40:15,800 --> 01:40:17,040 You gave me life. 624 01:40:18,730 --> 01:40:25,050 He gave me a fucking... fucking curse. 625 01:40:50,320 --> 01:40:51,320 All these years. 626 01:40:53,580 --> 01:40:56,800 All these years. 627 01:41:32,010 --> 01:41:33,650 All these years fucking what? 628 01:41:37,350 --> 01:41:38,350 How did you? 629 01:41:40,270 --> 01:41:43,030 The winces, I mean. The isolation. 630 01:41:45,510 --> 01:41:46,710 How did that work? 631 01:41:53,910 --> 01:41:55,690 How did that manage without you? 632 01:42:08,240 --> 01:42:09,320 It's not over, Jem. 633 01:42:09,760 --> 01:42:16,740 I'm not making sound as if it... I won't 634 01:42:16,740 --> 01:42:22,860 pretend I don't think about you from time to time, but this is it, Jem. This 635 01:42:22,860 --> 01:42:23,860 my life. 636 01:42:31,760 --> 01:42:32,860 Does it have to be? 637 01:42:44,200 --> 01:42:48,740 As for man, his days are as grass, 638 01:42:48,880 --> 01:42:54,200 as a flower, a field, so it flourishes. 639 01:42:56,320 --> 01:43:00,440 But wind passeth over it, and it is gone, 640 01:43:00,680 --> 01:43:05,780 and the place thereof shall know it no more. 641 01:43:11,380 --> 01:43:12,640 Etc. etc. 642 01:43:13,920 --> 01:43:15,000 Ah, fucking men. 643 01:43:20,600 --> 01:43:21,600 Good night, man. 644 01:45:20,320 --> 01:45:21,320 Ryan? 645 01:45:25,180 --> 01:45:26,180 Ryan? 646 01:54:14,500 --> 01:54:15,820 Hey. We gotta get going. 647 01:54:18,240 --> 01:54:20,860 Can you do it? 648 01:54:21,320 --> 01:54:22,320 Can't help it. 649 01:57:51,860 --> 01:57:53,700 Thank you. 650 01:58:42,510 --> 01:58:43,510 you 49375

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