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1
00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:43,620
Father in heaven, I kneel before you
today
2
00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:46,320
to
3
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:53,120
ask that you grant me
4
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:59,900
strength, the strength to power through
all the tasks today, whether little
5
00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:00,900
or big.
6
00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:07,720
I know it is by your will that I live, O
Lord.
7
00:03:08,650 --> 00:03:13,510
And I know it is also by your will that
I will not go weak today.
8
00:03:13,830 --> 00:03:15,470
I will not go lazy.
9
00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:22,170
Nor will I fail to do the things that
are set before me.
10
00:03:25,490 --> 00:03:28,130
Thank you for your everlasting presence,
Lord.
11
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,630
And in Jesus' name I pray.
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00:03:54,090 --> 00:03:55,930
away for a few days longer.
13
00:03:57,190 --> 00:03:59,870
How long? Your mother's here, isn't she?
14
00:04:02,990 --> 00:04:07,130
I just thought to let you know.
15
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,080
... ...
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00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:07,420
...
17
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:12,240
... ... ...
18
00:08:35,049 --> 00:08:40,870
Southwesterly, clearing westerly, 7 to
clearing 9, decreasing 6 in Humber
19
00:08:41,429 --> 00:08:44,510
Rain, then showers, moderate or cool.
20
00:08:46,650 --> 00:08:49,470
10 over White, Portland, Plymouth.
21
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:24,110
My future is shrouded in the wilderness.
22
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:35,990
Sunshine is far away, clouds linger on.
23
00:11:45,390 --> 00:11:46,390
you
24
00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:59,190
inheritance.
25
00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:30,660
Oh Lord, at least I guess we could have
had three feet.
26
00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:37,020
We could.
27
00:18:27,850 --> 00:18:29,210
Thank you.
28
00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:02,100
20 years.
29
00:19:06,940 --> 00:19:07,940
Bless you, brother.
30
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:10,920
Fuck off.
31
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,000
Brian Love.
32
00:22:23,310 --> 00:22:24,310
Where's he gone?
33
00:22:25,490 --> 00:22:26,490
Dad.
34
00:22:28,690 --> 00:22:29,810
Has he gone to see you?
35
00:22:34,150 --> 00:22:36,430
But what the fuck has he got to do with
it, Mum?
36
00:22:38,550 --> 00:22:40,150
What has he got to do with it?
Everything.
37
00:22:40,550 --> 00:22:41,550
What?
38
00:22:47,050 --> 00:22:49,990
Why'd you hurt that lad, eh? He was
fucking asking for it, Mum.
39
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:55,580
Did he say something about your dad?
40
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,000
Jerry's my dad.
41
00:22:59,220 --> 00:23:00,640
Well, he said something about Ray.
42
00:23:01,220 --> 00:23:03,300
Gosh, you know so much, so why are you
asking me?
43
00:23:03,580 --> 00:23:04,580
Don't be so cheeky.
44
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,600
I'm just trying to talk to you.
45
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,200
You nearly murdered that lad.
46
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,940
Do you hear me? Well, what killing
family? Who's counting?
47
00:23:21,220 --> 00:23:22,220
Ray's going to kill her.
48
00:23:24,460 --> 00:23:27,600
And even if it was one, does it mean you
have to be?
49
00:24:24,780 --> 00:24:29,840
Dear Ray, I'm not sure you'll even get
this letter or read it even.
50
00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:38,800
So I'm a fact of hope and I'm surprised
you'll be reading this one. I want to
51
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,380
start by asking how you are.
52
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:48,280
The silent still burns after all the
years and I often wonder if you think
53
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:49,340
me, us.
54
00:27:28,590 --> 00:27:31,810
Give strong drink unto him that is ready
to perish.
55
00:27:33,130 --> 00:27:35,250
Wine unto the bitter in soul.
56
00:27:36,490 --> 00:27:37,490
Amen.
57
00:27:49,670 --> 00:27:51,310
The majesty of the queen.
58
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,000
What happened to, for what we are about
to receive?
59
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,900
No, it's only before eating that you say
grace.
60
00:28:15,980 --> 00:28:19,020
You don't mind if you have a few fucking
berries without a word?
61
00:28:35,950 --> 00:28:38,650
to wipe your arse this morning. There's
all this shit in your pants.
62
00:28:40,310 --> 00:28:41,830
No, that was from yesterday.
63
00:28:43,950 --> 00:28:45,390
You dirty bastard.
64
00:28:52,350 --> 00:28:55,610
Is cleanliness next to godliness, would
you say?
65
00:29:01,550 --> 00:29:02,990
How do you know he's not filthy?
66
00:29:03,790 --> 00:29:07,070
There's many evidence in Bibles that God
takes a bath three times a week.
67
00:29:08,310 --> 00:29:09,990
Changes his undies every day.
68
00:29:10,190 --> 00:29:13,870
God doesn't need undies because he's not
full of shit like you are. Is that so?
69
00:29:14,630 --> 00:29:16,410
He's got an endless supply up there.
70
00:29:16,750 --> 00:29:18,950
But he never has to wear the same pair
twice.
71
00:29:21,370 --> 00:29:23,910
Does he like a nice snug fit?
72
00:29:24,970 --> 00:29:31,790
Or does he like plenty of room for his
big fucking God balls to swing around
73
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:34,740
Like massive fucking church bells, then.
74
00:29:36,620 --> 00:29:39,840
Bet it's like Canterbury Cathedral down
below, Dex.
75
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:46,540
You're going to hell, brother.
76
00:29:48,260 --> 00:29:49,380
Family reunion.
77
00:29:57,740 --> 00:30:00,680
Father Ripper died last week. Saw it in
the paper.
78
00:30:07,550 --> 00:30:08,790
Did you see him again?
79
00:30:10,470 --> 00:30:11,470
Is that a question?
80
00:30:16,790 --> 00:30:19,810
Did you hear he was carted off to the
nuthouse a few years ago?
81
00:30:26,470 --> 00:30:27,710
Please read that letter.
82
00:30:27,930 --> 00:30:30,750
We're back on leave after a third tour
of the province.
83
00:30:32,300 --> 00:30:33,960
Lost two of our lads on that one.
84
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:39,040
So I had to think about him, really.
85
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,480
The more I thought about him, the more I
wanted to pay him a visit, have a catch
86
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:45,480
-up.
87
00:30:45,580 --> 00:30:47,940
A debrief about the good old days.
88
00:30:50,100 --> 00:30:51,880
Anyway, when I got home, I looked him
up.
89
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:54,780
Weren't easy to find.
90
00:30:55,980 --> 00:30:59,140
Of course, they'd moved him around a
bit, business as usual.
91
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:01,900
Tracked him down in Huddersfield.
92
00:31:03,700 --> 00:31:06,320
Should have seen you all tugged out my
number twos.
93
00:31:06,980 --> 00:31:10,860
Someone that we're in shit order most
days of the week. I smartened up well.
94
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,740
Cacks under the mattress the night
before.
95
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,760
Razor sharp creases front and back.
96
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:21,080
I was pulling the boots all morning like
mirrors they were.
97
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,480
It's from parade ground standard, Jim.
98
00:31:24,500 --> 00:31:27,600
Could have done ceremonial duty and put
power up that good.
99
00:31:28,350 --> 00:31:29,910
Number two dress and medals.
100
00:31:30,410 --> 00:31:31,730
That well turned out.
101
00:31:32,490 --> 00:31:35,610
I could hear our dear mother's voice
saying, come home, son.
102
00:31:36,170 --> 00:31:37,270
For what is forgiven.
103
00:31:38,330 --> 00:31:39,330
Number one.
104
00:31:39,790 --> 00:31:41,870
The what? Number one dress at the
palace.
105
00:31:42,070 --> 00:31:44,970
Right, right. That's what I'm saying.
Oh, that's smart. You wouldn't have
106
00:31:44,970 --> 00:31:45,789
the difference.
107
00:31:45,790 --> 00:31:47,690
I suppose not. I feel pretty ignorant.
108
00:31:52,170 --> 00:31:54,430
So, go round his house.
109
00:31:55,370 --> 00:31:57,450
Lovely little grace and favour cottage.
110
00:31:58,250 --> 00:32:00,290
Paid for by Saul in a smud out.
111
00:32:00,950 --> 00:32:02,050
Window boxes.
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00:32:02,350 --> 00:32:03,690
Perfect little lawn.
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00:32:04,250 --> 00:32:05,250
Edges trimmed.
114
00:32:05,650 --> 00:32:07,470
Knock on the door and there he is.
115
00:32:08,490 --> 00:32:11,050
All scrubbed up. Pink and shiny.
116
00:32:13,710 --> 00:32:14,810
Seemed so old.
117
00:32:16,510 --> 00:32:20,210
I remember him as a big strong bugger.
And there he were.
118
00:32:20,990 --> 00:32:25,490
Scrawny little old man with a pot belly.
I was surprised at how small he looked.
119
00:32:25,690 --> 00:32:27,190
I said, Father Ripon, it's him.
120
00:32:27,820 --> 00:32:31,360
I'm collecting for the Veterans
Association. Would you mind if I stepped
121
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:32,360
for a moment?
122
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:33,460
I tell him we're impressed.
123
00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:35,300
Oh, do come in, do come in, young man.
124
00:32:35,620 --> 00:32:37,420
You're very welcome, son, do come in.
125
00:32:38,380 --> 00:32:40,520
It's all fluffed up, bustling about.
126
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:46,140
The kettle's on, fine china, biscuits,
the whole works. You'll take a cup,
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00:32:46,140 --> 00:32:47,140
you, son?
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00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:48,520
Oh, we sit down.
129
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,400
We sit down in this tidy little parlor,
chatting about this and that. I say,
130
00:32:53,580 --> 00:32:55,520
this is your Paris, is it, father?
131
00:32:55,860 --> 00:32:57,000
He said, oh.
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00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:01,040
Currently between parishes, semi
-retired, you know.
133
00:33:01,260 --> 00:33:05,580
I said, oh, that must be difficult after
all the years of service.
134
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:21,080
We talk about, talking about the state
of things, the ungovernable, godless
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00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:25,600
youth. He asked me, are you of the
faith, son?
136
00:33:29,330 --> 00:33:31,870
Faith runs very deep in our family,
Father.
137
00:33:34,450 --> 00:33:37,570
He says, of course, what I miss most of
all is working with young people.
138
00:33:38,290 --> 00:33:40,290
And then he choked on me custard cream.
139
00:33:42,510 --> 00:33:45,070
Anyway, so there's a lull in the
conversation.
140
00:33:45,330 --> 00:33:48,870
He said, oh, don't make a pardon call.
Perhaps you'd like something stronger.
141
00:33:53,550 --> 00:33:55,570
I just looked at him for a long time.
142
00:33:59,820 --> 00:34:01,580
Would you like something stronger,
Father?
143
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:10,179
I could see the thrill of it coursing
through me, didn't I believe?
144
00:34:10,699 --> 00:34:14,300
His face darkened, his eyes all
glittery.
145
00:34:14,639 --> 00:34:20,320
He said, why, what if you were to start
to get up? I say, I'm very strong,
146
00:34:20,340 --> 00:34:21,340
Father Ripon.
147
00:34:22,580 --> 00:34:25,880
He sits back down as if his legs went
from under him, I say.
148
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:29,520
Would you like to have a look?
149
00:34:31,020 --> 00:34:34,400
I started to unbutton my trousers. I
thought it might have heart attacks.
150
00:34:34,620 --> 00:34:36,520
I couldn't believe it. It's like
Christmas come early.
151
00:34:36,739 --> 00:34:42,500
So I stood myself up, teasing open the
buttons like a rent boy.
152
00:34:44,020 --> 00:34:47,219
Dropped the cax, dropped me undies.
153
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:50,460
I say, there it is.
154
00:34:51,900 --> 00:34:53,719
I lie down on the floor.
155
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,000
He lies down, eager to accommodate.
156
00:34:58,730 --> 00:35:01,650
Sitting in a crucifix, that'll make me
nice and hard.
157
00:35:03,890 --> 00:35:08,830
Bottled four with a few steps, I've
stood right over him. Oh, there's one
158
00:35:08,830 --> 00:35:10,430
I forgot to mention, Jim.
159
00:35:10,850 --> 00:35:15,890
For a few days before I went round, I
was on a diet of Guinness and curry.
160
00:35:16,570 --> 00:35:19,450
And then the afternoon of, I took a
handful of laxatives.
161
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:26,920
But I had to get the timing right. I was
sat in my car outside his house for a
162
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:28,340
couple of hours and nothing was
shifting.
163
00:35:30,140 --> 00:35:35,900
As soon as I felt that stirring within,
I knocked on his door.
164
00:35:37,900 --> 00:35:42,220
As I'm sitting there, it's welling up
inside me and now I swear I'm coming
165
00:35:42,220 --> 00:35:43,220
at the seams.
166
00:35:43,540 --> 00:35:45,020
Rivets are popping out of me.
167
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,480
The army teachers just grin and bear it,
I'm teaching them.
168
00:35:53,870 --> 00:35:58,470
We do love the exquisite agony of self
-denial.
169
00:36:00,650 --> 00:36:03,990
So, stood over him.
170
00:36:07,110 --> 00:36:10,570
I said, don't recognize me, do you?
171
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,580
him a good few moments. His eyes
flicking this way and that.
172
00:36:28,540 --> 00:36:29,780
And the penny drops.
173
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,380
Fear runs through him like electricity.
174
00:36:34,540 --> 00:36:37,180
And the stinking sweat poured out with
it.
175
00:36:37,380 --> 00:36:40,720
Oh, please don't help me. Please don't
help me. I said, don't move.
176
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:48,760
If you move an inch, I'll cut off your
meat and potatoes and shove them down
177
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,100
your fucking throat.
178
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,000
You can suck yourself off for a change.
179
00:36:54,150 --> 00:36:58,250
Oh, come to think of it, Seymour didn't
learn to do that a few years ago and
180
00:36:58,250 --> 00:36:59,450
must have been self -sufficient.
181
00:37:02,070 --> 00:37:06,370
Shuffle forwards, about turn, very
awkward.
182
00:37:07,650 --> 00:37:11,990
Heels on his stringy little arms, he
flinched. I could tell it hurt him, but
183
00:37:11,990 --> 00:37:12,990
didn't move.
184
00:37:13,610 --> 00:37:15,990
Now, look up the sluice pipe, father.
185
00:37:17,490 --> 00:37:19,010
And I squatted down.
186
00:37:21,030 --> 00:37:22,590
And I manured him.
187
00:37:34,779 --> 00:37:39,360
This evacuation was in three distinct
phases.
188
00:37:39,780 --> 00:37:42,920
First I sprayed, sprayed him.
189
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,500
Pebble -fashed him.
190
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,120
Make a flock of pigeons take him.
191
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,300
waves of hot lava.
192
00:38:02,260 --> 00:38:05,420
Finally, one big,
193
00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:10,600
one
194
00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:16,720
big patty cake, like Weston had,
195
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,160
flopped out of me.
196
00:38:20,300 --> 00:38:25,140
And he's resting and spitting it in air,
breathing, but he has to breathe.
197
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:30,300
And I'm laughing that much I fear I
might topple over into my own hill.
198
00:38:34,260 --> 00:38:35,380
And that's it.
199
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:37,280
Stood up.
200
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:41,220
Little packet of wet wipes in my pocket.
201
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:44,020
Cleaved myself up.
202
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,380
And walked out of there light as a
feather.
203
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:08,760
Did you believe that?
204
00:39:31,060 --> 00:39:32,400
Did you do you know?
205
00:39:43,980 --> 00:39:44,980
I bet he didn't.
206
00:39:45,900 --> 00:39:48,020
Even though that's it, he was scared of
you.
207
00:39:54,100 --> 00:39:57,100
Where were you when he was fucking me up
the hole?
208
00:40:25,810 --> 00:40:27,650
Didn't have much luck with fathers, did
we?
209
00:45:14,460 --> 00:45:15,500
What are you doing that for?
210
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:16,880
Huh?
211
00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:18,060
What are you doing that for?
212
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:20,300
What? Just chuck him in your mouth.
213
00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:08,200
Don't get ahead of yourself. We're only
going to train me, Nessa.
214
00:46:09,060 --> 00:46:10,440
It looks good on you, though.
215
00:46:10,860 --> 00:46:13,060
Even the cleaners get white clothes in
the chemist.
216
00:46:14,420 --> 00:46:15,740
Have you finished yielding?
217
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:19,260
Fine, I'm coming up with years. My
workplace training.
218
00:46:19,500 --> 00:46:23,440
Right. I'm glad I ran into you, Nessa.
I'm not heard from Brian for an inch
219
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:24,760
Is he all right?
220
00:48:17,660 --> 00:48:19,100
I don't know.
221
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:24,060
I don't actually know.
222
00:48:25,940 --> 00:48:29,400
I just, I couldn't stop myself.
223
00:48:43,210 --> 00:48:44,310
What did he say to you?
224
00:48:44,510 --> 00:48:45,670
I can't even remember how to.
225
00:48:48,010 --> 00:48:49,010
Well, I can.
226
00:48:50,530 --> 00:48:55,950
The usual stupid shit.
227
00:48:57,290 --> 00:48:58,290
About him?
228
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:43,100
You're in East Tyrone, right?
229
00:49:45,860 --> 00:49:48,560
Oh, let me just cast my mind back for a
moment.
230
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:50,160
Wrong.
231
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:54,220
You know exactly where I were.
232
00:49:55,700 --> 00:49:56,700
Cross McGlynn.
233
00:49:58,100 --> 00:49:59,200
Found it, couldn't I?
234
00:50:05,580 --> 00:50:09,540
IRA, active service unit operating in
the area doing all sorts.
235
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:16,880
They were very good, very skillful,
cunning, ghosting back and
236
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:18,140
forth across the border.
237
00:50:20,100 --> 00:50:24,020
They were cat and mouse, sometimes we
were the cat, sometimes they weren't.
238
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:27,500
It was often so you weren't even sure
which.
239
00:50:29,900 --> 00:50:32,500
You could have them in your sights with
the safety catch off.
240
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:37,420
Meantime, they'd have a high -velocity
round merrily winging its way toward the
241
00:50:37,420 --> 00:50:38,420
back of your head.
242
00:50:43,220 --> 00:50:49,760
Just in a week before we dug in, we
found and defused three
243
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:51,340
massive IEDs of theirs.
244
00:50:52,940 --> 00:50:56,780
They shot and killed one of our dog
handlers and the dog.
245
00:50:57,700 --> 00:50:59,480
And they shot down a fucking helicopter.
246
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:01,600
One week's work.
247
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:09,360
Provo Army Council expected results and
they weren't disappointed.
248
00:51:13,820 --> 00:51:20,680
Incendiaries, IEDs, grenades, mortars,
sniper rifles, heavy
249
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:24,100
machine guns are better equipped than we
were.
250
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:13,180
But they're the flowers I did used to
grow.
251
00:55:15,580 --> 00:55:16,580
Anemones.
252
00:55:45,580 --> 00:55:47,780
I'll write as if you've read all my
other letters.
253
00:55:49,380 --> 00:55:53,560
The desire to talk to you and share
everything is strong. However, this
254
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:54,379
about me.
255
00:55:54,380 --> 00:55:55,660
This is about Brian.
256
00:55:58,540 --> 00:55:59,660
Brian needs you.
257
00:56:02,820 --> 00:56:05,400
Never before have I asked you in this
way.
258
00:56:08,580 --> 00:56:09,580
He's in trouble.
259
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:03,480
You leaving?
260
00:58:12,620 --> 00:58:14,300
Accommodation not good enough for you?
261
00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:30,140
When you liked it, every day Nessa wrote
to you. How long was it?
262
00:58:32,780 --> 00:58:38,180
When you went limping off into the
woods, she didn't want to interfere with
263
00:58:38,180 --> 00:58:39,180
decision.
264
00:58:41,380 --> 00:58:44,180
For a couple of years, we thought you'd
turn up one day.
265
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:49,980
She had no idea if you got her letters,
let alone if you had them.
266
00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:54,920
You knew she were pregnant.
267
00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:58,360
You never answered her once.
268
00:59:06,670 --> 00:59:08,110
You've been going through many things.
269
00:59:13,930 --> 00:59:17,290
Fuck off back to Toy Town, you fucking
ape.
270
00:59:18,710 --> 00:59:22,270
Got me girl, got me son, got me life.
271
00:59:22,490 --> 00:59:23,790
What more do you fucking want?
272
00:59:24,630 --> 00:59:26,910
It was you that left you.
273
00:59:27,110 --> 00:59:28,670
Get over yourselves, lad.
274
00:59:29,930 --> 00:59:31,050
It's not about you.
275
00:59:31,430 --> 00:59:32,430
Fact.
276
00:59:33,170 --> 00:59:34,270
It's about Brian.
277
00:59:34,830 --> 00:59:37,490
Poor only child of a deranged fugitive.
278
00:59:39,770 --> 00:59:42,590
You want to give him some brothers and
sisters to play with.
279
00:59:45,190 --> 00:59:46,890
You're a big lump of a lad.
280
00:59:47,930 --> 00:59:49,990
Don't tell me you were firing blanks.
281
00:59:54,250 --> 00:59:56,070
She prayed for you every night, Rick.
282
00:59:57,990 --> 01:00:01,190
She still prays for you. Tell her to
shave her fucking breath.
283
01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:04,360
My dad prayed for you too.
284
01:00:05,400 --> 01:00:08,480
Every day for the rest of his life.
You've gone soft.
285
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:10,780
That miserable bastard.
286
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:14,420
Oh, he prayed. He prayed, didn't he?
287
01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:18,800
He prayed every time he took his belt
off. Didn't he pray again afterwards?
288
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:22,500
Wet under the arms from the efforts of
his labour. Or he prayed regular.
289
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:27,220
We learnt our violence from the number
one regional champion.
290
01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:29,140
And he had some stiff competition.
291
01:00:30,320 --> 01:00:35,100
Who knows, maybe at the British Legion
Dominoes Championship.
292
01:00:35,960 --> 01:00:40,960
His life and soul blaze about regimental
tie, chest out frontiers, the long
293
01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:42,980
range desert patrol, now that will war.
294
01:00:43,420 --> 01:00:46,980
Signed for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
If Rommel didn't get you the fly, soon
295
01:00:46,980 --> 01:00:49,900
he would. He didn't talk like that.
That's right, he didn't fucking talk at
296
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:50,879
did he?
297
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:54,680
I've had plenty of fucking time to fill
in the fucking silence for him.
298
01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:57,600
What do you want from me, brother?
299
01:01:00,270 --> 01:01:02,790
You know if you read the letter. I've
read the fucking letter.
300
01:01:03,010 --> 01:01:05,510
I've read the fucking letter. What the
fuck?
301
01:01:06,210 --> 01:01:07,650
What do you want?
302
01:01:20,270 --> 01:01:21,690
I'm beyond your reach, Jen.
303
01:01:23,730 --> 01:01:26,310
I'm well beyond her reach. There'll be
no epiphany.
304
01:01:26,730 --> 01:01:29,710
So fuck off back to your little family
and sort it out.
305
01:01:32,350 --> 01:01:35,690
You don't want me to leave, do you? Why
in God's name did you let that boy join
306
01:01:35,690 --> 01:01:37,130
army in first fucking place?
307
01:01:37,370 --> 01:01:41,370
It had nothing to do with me. This is on
you, mate. Look, though I've raised the
308
01:01:41,370 --> 01:01:45,350
boy, you think he's not a pig -headed
little bastard like you are?
309
01:01:46,130 --> 01:01:47,390
You were up to no with me.
310
01:01:48,150 --> 01:01:49,290
I said my piece.
311
01:01:50,030 --> 01:01:52,350
I didn't think you should do it,
following our footsteps.
312
01:01:53,110 --> 01:01:55,570
I thought you were just chasing after...
313
01:01:58,980 --> 01:02:02,580
Anyway, regardless of what I think or
don't think, do you honestly believe
314
01:02:02,580 --> 01:02:06,020
your son wouldn't do a thing just
because somebody told him not to?
315
01:02:28,750 --> 01:02:30,590
He's currently absent without leave.
316
01:02:32,110 --> 01:02:36,410
And as much as they like him, you know
as well as I do, there's no warm, fuzzy
317
01:02:36,410 --> 01:02:37,690
feeling in the MRD.
318
01:02:40,270 --> 01:02:42,350
There's only so long to turn a blind
eye.
319
01:02:44,210 --> 01:02:46,570
Maybe a week, if we're lucky.
320
01:02:48,290 --> 01:02:51,710
And then the MPs will come knocking and
take him away.
321
01:02:53,950 --> 01:02:55,290
But that's the least of it.
322
01:02:57,390 --> 01:02:59,530
I've seen my share of lost souls, Ray.
323
01:03:00,990 --> 01:03:04,370
And at this moment, your son is in the
dark.
324
01:03:04,790 --> 01:03:07,490
Believer or non -believer, there are
forces at work.
325
01:03:07,910 --> 01:03:08,910
Fact.
326
01:03:14,170 --> 01:03:17,150
I don't want anything from you, Ray. I
don't want anything.
327
01:03:20,270 --> 01:03:21,270
Nessa.
328
01:03:21,990 --> 01:03:23,050
Nessa believes it.
329
01:03:23,270 --> 01:03:25,850
If you met him and talked to him...
330
01:03:26,090 --> 01:03:27,090
Give him some answers.
331
01:03:27,430 --> 01:03:29,310
It just might make a difference, it
might.
332
01:03:36,310 --> 01:03:37,310
For it's too late.
333
01:04:14,090 --> 01:04:16,730
Brian savaged this lad. He fucking
savaged him.
334
01:04:18,610 --> 01:04:22,230
He's convinced himself if they hadn't
pulled him off, he'd have killed him.
335
01:04:24,210 --> 01:04:28,130
And this has been following Brian since
primary school. Your father's this, your
336
01:04:28,130 --> 01:04:29,130
father's that.
337
01:04:29,510 --> 01:04:30,870
Is he in the nuts house?
338
01:04:31,410 --> 01:04:32,590
Is he banged up?
339
01:04:34,590 --> 01:04:37,190
The invisible man, Ray Stoker.
340
01:04:50,250 --> 01:04:51,670
I'm going to get out of here double
time.
341
01:05:18,270 --> 01:05:19,270
I'm going to see a baby.
342
01:05:46,380 --> 01:05:48,980
Do not move him madam and do not remove
his helmet.
343
01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:50,960
You're doing so well.
344
01:05:51,740 --> 01:05:53,360
I know there's a lot of blood.
345
01:06:44,140 --> 01:06:48,300
well you were all over me at that stage
like a bloody octopus and i was like
346
01:06:48,300 --> 01:06:52,300
whipping my head back and forth just
trying to catch a clean breath but you
347
01:06:52,300 --> 01:06:56,480
have thought i was an ecstasy because
that mini wet goblin just kept reaching
348
01:06:56,480 --> 01:07:03,300
for me oh it wasn't going back down but
i'm not lying his breath smelled
349
01:07:03,300 --> 01:07:06,700
like shit have you ever had that
350
01:07:33,480 --> 01:07:34,480
Cheers, mate.
351
01:07:37,480 --> 01:07:39,700
Some crisps, you know. You like them.
352
01:07:40,500 --> 01:07:41,500
Cheese and onion.
353
01:07:42,620 --> 01:07:44,780
This is our juice, mate. I won't be
long.
354
01:07:46,300 --> 01:07:47,300
I won't be long.
355
01:09:20,359 --> 01:09:22,620
He's beautiful, kind, funny, loyal.
356
01:09:23,359 --> 01:09:25,660
He's so like you in so many ways.
357
01:09:25,979 --> 01:09:27,040
Funny that, eh?
358
01:09:28,540 --> 01:09:35,439
Anyway, I implore you, for the sake of
Brian, to
359
01:09:35,439 --> 01:09:37,840
please, please come home and talk to
him.
360
01:09:57,770 --> 01:09:58,830
him meet you are waste.
361
01:09:59,470 --> 01:10:04,990
And maybe, just maybe he can move
forward and let go of whatever demon
362
01:10:04,990 --> 01:10:06,130
holding him so tight.
363
01:10:07,430 --> 01:10:10,530
I pray you are well and he fit to
answer.
364
01:10:11,830 --> 01:10:12,830
God bless.
365
01:11:17,589 --> 01:11:18,630
What? What?
366
01:11:22,370 --> 01:11:23,490
What? What the fuck?
367
01:11:26,290 --> 01:11:27,290
Spit an image.
368
01:11:28,350 --> 01:11:29,350
What?
369
01:11:30,170 --> 01:11:31,170
Spit an image.
370
01:11:31,570 --> 01:11:32,730
Spit an image who?
371
01:11:37,290 --> 01:11:38,290
Fuck off.
372
01:11:38,950 --> 01:11:40,350
Fuck right off.
373
01:11:41,210 --> 01:11:44,170
Our father ruled us in heaven. Fuck off.
374
01:11:50,810 --> 01:11:57,210
Fuck, I'm a bit... Fuck, I'm a bit of a
shadow bugger.
375
01:12:09,960 --> 01:12:14,460
The boy, Brian, was doing well, very
well.
376
01:12:15,960 --> 01:12:17,460
They think he's a real prospect.
377
01:12:18,460 --> 01:12:21,260
Can't help himself, the other lad's just
falling behind him.
378
01:12:22,560 --> 01:12:23,560
All right.
379
01:12:24,680 --> 01:12:29,380
You remember what it's like when you're
cold and hungry and slept in three
380
01:12:29,380 --> 01:12:30,880
nights. It's every man for himself.
381
01:12:32,060 --> 01:12:36,000
With Brian, he's got strength to spare.
382
01:12:36,320 --> 01:12:38,880
He may be at the end of his rope, but
he's still looking out for the others.
383
01:12:40,560 --> 01:12:41,960
I'm gonna pay attention to that.
384
01:13:01,100 --> 01:13:07,900
When you did selection and were badged
into the regiment, I was so proud.
385
01:13:13,600 --> 01:13:15,280
I thought, I want that.
386
01:13:16,940 --> 01:13:18,180
I want some of that.
387
01:13:19,940 --> 01:13:26,200
I suppose volunteering for 14 inns would
have a way of getting closer, you know.
388
01:13:30,620 --> 01:13:35,200
Training in Bradbury lines with the old
lads and all. I thought it would have
389
01:13:35,200 --> 01:13:37,020
within reach.
390
01:13:56,680 --> 01:13:57,680
It doesn't mean that it's all I know.
391
01:14:09,980 --> 01:14:15,400
Even with all the shit that he put up
with over the years, there was some idea
392
01:14:15,400 --> 01:14:21,340
he had of the space where he should have
been, that he was chasing after, that
393
01:14:21,340 --> 01:14:22,560
he was fascinated by.
394
01:14:25,740 --> 01:14:27,020
Right into his own shadow.
395
01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:33,400
He doesn't know who you are.
396
01:14:34,960 --> 01:14:36,440
He knows nothing about you.
397
01:14:38,120 --> 01:14:43,080
Except for the old stories when we were
youngsters, you know, the short fuse,
398
01:14:43,400 --> 01:14:48,620
street fights, vandalism. You and me
both were both liabilities then.
399
01:14:50,000 --> 01:14:54,980
But now he... I don't know, he loves his
hands, I suppose.
400
01:14:56,330 --> 01:14:58,370
It belonged to somebody else.
401
01:14:58,710 --> 01:14:59,710
What?
402
01:15:06,470 --> 01:15:07,730
Romus, mate, Romus.
403
01:15:11,310 --> 01:15:13,490
So he's told me what happened, that's
all we've got.
404
01:17:34,250 --> 01:17:37,190
I realise I've never properly spoken to
you about your father.
405
01:17:39,030 --> 01:17:40,770
And that was a fault of me, Brian.
406
01:17:44,510 --> 01:17:49,090
Me and Gem thought we could make a nice
life for you, and I think in some ways
407
01:17:49,090 --> 01:17:50,090
we have.
408
01:17:50,590 --> 01:17:53,850
But it can't have been easier for you.
409
01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:55,750
All these years.
410
01:17:56,410 --> 01:17:57,930
You know, looming over everything.
411
01:17:59,290 --> 01:18:00,370
Every family dinner.
412
01:18:01,480 --> 01:18:04,480
Every birthday, every Christmas, every
special occasion.
413
01:18:08,080 --> 01:18:12,460
And I suppose by not talking to you
about it.
414
01:18:37,610 --> 01:18:39,830
What did you know about the other
troubles in Northern Ireland?
415
01:20:22,000 --> 01:20:23,220
We'll sleep outside tonight.
416
01:20:35,440 --> 01:20:36,840
I lost him in stages.
417
01:20:40,080 --> 01:20:41,360
I lost him in stages.
418
01:20:44,560 --> 01:20:48,280
After the first few tours in Northern
Ireland, he was already quite hard to
419
01:20:48,280 --> 01:20:49,280
reach.
420
01:20:49,880 --> 01:20:53,480
And then when he... volunteered for some
special assignment the minute he raised
421
01:20:53,480 --> 01:21:00,220
his hand he seemed to disappear into
another world it wasn't just that he
422
01:21:00,220 --> 01:21:07,200
it he would have a lot of eager he said
423
01:21:07,200 --> 01:21:12,020
goodbye well before he left and when he
came back he couldn't reach him he sat
424
01:21:12,020 --> 01:21:16,120
at a kitchen table with him he'd be
looking at you like you were the other
425
01:21:16,120 --> 01:21:17,120
of a football pitch
426
01:21:18,080 --> 01:21:21,180
You're an acquaintance, you know, maybe,
and you were trying to figure out who
427
01:21:21,180 --> 01:21:22,180
you were.
428
01:21:25,400 --> 01:21:26,720
I was pregnant with you.
429
01:21:28,560 --> 01:21:34,260
I was getting bigger by the day, and you
seemed to be shrinking. I felt like a
430
01:21:34,260 --> 01:21:37,660
big lumbering giant living with a
miniature person, afraid I was going to
431
01:21:37,660 --> 01:21:38,660
him underfoot.
432
01:21:47,430 --> 01:21:48,750
I must have been waiting for it.
433
01:21:58,290 --> 01:22:00,590
Ray never spoke to me about what
happened over there.
434
01:22:02,010 --> 01:22:05,910
I tried to get in touch with a few of
the lads that he served with, you know,
435
01:22:05,950 --> 01:22:07,290
that were with him, but they said
nothing.
436
01:22:08,730 --> 01:22:11,330
They're on a warning from the MOD. They
must have been on a warning.
437
01:22:11,630 --> 01:22:14,430
So all I have is what I'm telling you
now.
438
01:22:16,430 --> 01:22:17,430
But I knew Ray.
439
01:22:17,790 --> 01:22:20,130
I knew Ray better than I knew myself.
440
01:22:20,750 --> 01:22:23,670
And as I said, those lads, they couldn't
stay out.
441
01:22:25,030 --> 01:22:29,450
I tell you this much, they loved him and
they respected him. And they never gave
442
01:22:29,450 --> 01:22:33,150
me, never gave me one hint of a reason
that he'd done something he should be
443
01:22:33,150 --> 01:22:34,150
ashamed of.
444
01:22:42,150 --> 01:22:43,150
We're left.
445
01:22:49,710 --> 01:22:50,850
something to be proud of.
446
01:25:02,090 --> 01:25:03,790
It's what he called a war crime.
447
01:25:08,210 --> 01:25:13,330
A fucking war crime. The war was a
fucking crime.
448
01:25:15,950 --> 01:25:17,870
And we were the phantom soldiers.
449
01:25:25,330 --> 01:25:28,570
Our mission on this one was
surveillance, pure and simple.
450
01:25:29,690 --> 01:25:31,250
We dug in at night time.
451
01:25:31,850 --> 01:25:32,850
Two OPs.
452
01:25:33,430 --> 01:25:37,290
Ours were in a hedgerow at the end of an
unpaved laneway, bordering the farm
453
01:25:37,290 --> 01:25:38,290
buildings.
454
01:25:38,570 --> 01:25:43,450
A structure of interest with a milking
shed no more than 30, 40 feet from us
455
01:25:43,450 --> 01:25:44,450
across the yard.
456
01:25:44,510 --> 01:25:47,050
On the tip -off we'd scarred a few
nights before.
457
01:25:49,250 --> 01:25:51,110
They arrived shortly after sun -up.
458
01:25:52,710 --> 01:25:56,770
The bomb -maker was a player well -known
to us, a young lad with whom we'd never
459
01:25:56,770 --> 01:25:57,770
seen him before.
460
01:26:00,750 --> 01:26:05,450
I didn't tell them we saw it, but for
two days there was no movement. I
461
01:26:05,450 --> 01:26:09,170
to wonder if they somehow slipped away,
if there were a tunnel or concealed
462
01:26:09,170 --> 01:26:11,250
entrance movement when we wrecked the
building.
463
01:26:13,450 --> 01:26:16,130
I was just writing on my report when the
bomb went off.
464
01:26:23,450 --> 01:26:26,750
The explosion was so loud, you couldn't
hear it.
465
01:26:29,480 --> 01:26:32,700
The concussive force ran through every
cell of your body.
466
01:26:33,160 --> 01:26:36,340
Filled you up by the worst. Nothing left
of you.
467
01:26:37,620 --> 01:26:38,620
Chaos.
468
01:26:40,680 --> 01:26:43,620
Entire roof lifted off the shed on a
cloud of black smoke.
469
01:26:43,920 --> 01:26:44,920
Like the cartoon.
470
01:26:45,620 --> 01:26:46,920
Walls swelled outwards.
471
01:26:47,340 --> 01:26:48,340
Opened up.
472
01:26:48,420 --> 01:26:52,200
Debris started to rain down on us. Are
we being attacked? Do they know we're
473
01:26:52,200 --> 01:26:56,420
here? Are they getting rid of it? They
do that sometimes. You know how it were.
474
01:26:56,520 --> 01:26:57,980
If they thought you were onto them.
475
01:26:58,920 --> 01:27:00,680
detonate the ordnance in Scarborough.
476
01:27:01,040 --> 01:27:06,020
We were waiting for the incoming, but so
far, nothing.
477
01:27:10,900 --> 01:27:12,960
Then there was just the sound of this
fellow screaming.
478
01:27:18,220 --> 01:27:21,520
Like I said, we were on surveillance,
nothing more. We weren't equipped for
479
01:27:21,520 --> 01:27:22,520
anything serious.
480
01:27:22,940 --> 01:27:25,420
Sidearms only, couple of longs between
us.
481
01:27:26,380 --> 01:27:29,840
When that Semtex went off, we should
have called it in, handed over to you
482
01:27:29,840 --> 01:27:31,920
that, but I don't know why.
483
01:27:33,260 --> 01:27:37,260
For some reason, we moved in, advanced
to contact.
484
01:27:39,240 --> 01:27:43,880
I suppose it were a right to the sound
of the guns type of madness.
485
01:27:44,140 --> 01:27:47,740
We started to crawl toward the milking
shed. Could have been weapons trained on
486
01:27:47,740 --> 01:27:48,780
us, snipers.
487
01:27:49,120 --> 01:27:51,860
Could have been another bomb waiting in
the building. We didn't know.
488
01:27:57,550 --> 01:28:01,490
We're crawling, heads down, getting
closer, getting closer, all we could.
489
01:28:04,850 --> 01:28:06,650
We only saw him with a screaming.
490
01:28:09,290 --> 01:28:12,750
Obviously, we wanted to get one of the
light we could get to talk.
491
01:28:16,490 --> 01:28:19,570
But that smoke here in the building
could barely see in front of you.
492
01:28:20,770 --> 01:28:23,670
It turned out it were just the two of
them, master and apprentice.
493
01:28:25,770 --> 01:28:28,610
The player must have been stood between
the bomb and the kid.
494
01:28:28,810 --> 01:28:30,150
There were an out left of him.
495
01:28:31,890 --> 01:28:35,390
Except his fucking teeth, buried in the
side of the young fella's head.
496
01:28:37,930 --> 01:28:39,930
Heard over his nephew a few days later.
497
01:28:42,510 --> 01:28:48,330
That was a slip when we went in on some
piece of him that were covered in...
498
01:28:48,330 --> 01:28:53,430
When I picked myself up, they were
covered in his slime.
499
01:28:58,600 --> 01:28:59,680
Kipper on the ground.
500
01:29:01,120 --> 01:29:07,700
Bits of him were even alive, just about,
but bits of him were missing.
501
01:29:08,780 --> 01:29:12,000
His innards were spilled out and he was
crying out for his mother.
502
01:29:14,600 --> 01:29:17,360
One maker's teeth buried inside of his
head.
503
01:29:20,060 --> 01:29:24,100
I was stood right over him. Our three
lads clearing the run left and right.
504
01:29:24,940 --> 01:29:26,160
I'm stood over him.
505
01:29:27,280 --> 01:29:29,220
He would die in this kitchen. He would
die.
506
01:29:30,440 --> 01:29:32,220
You see the fear in his eyes.
507
01:29:33,940 --> 01:29:34,940
Look at hatred.
508
01:29:36,380 --> 01:29:37,580
Look to me with hatred.
509
01:29:39,240 --> 01:29:43,640
Could have been more than 16 or 17 years
old. Younger than Brian is now.
510
01:29:44,760 --> 01:29:45,980
He's screaming at me.
511
01:29:49,260 --> 01:29:50,580
Begging me to shoot him.
512
01:29:52,200 --> 01:29:53,260
So I shot him.
513
01:30:08,840 --> 01:30:10,220
Yes, he was fucking dying.
514
01:30:10,660 --> 01:30:12,980
I didn't fucking kill him. He killed
himself.
515
01:30:13,280 --> 01:30:14,360
Fucking killed himself.
516
01:30:15,000 --> 01:30:17,900
I just nudged him across the line.
Fucking bastard.
517
01:30:18,720 --> 01:30:22,080
Where were they going to put that bomb?
In a pub? In a shopping centre? In a
518
01:30:22,080 --> 01:30:26,160
nightclub? Guaranteed to be innocent
people. But it's how fucking merciful.
519
01:30:26,160 --> 01:30:27,200
how they just killed themselves.
520
01:30:27,620 --> 01:30:28,960
And I'm the fucking murderer.
521
01:30:29,520 --> 01:30:31,740
Wish I had left him to that.
522
01:30:35,260 --> 01:30:37,500
Wish I'd left him to his full measure of
suffering.
523
01:30:38,350 --> 01:30:41,910
Lying there with his guts spilled out,
crying for his mother. I should have
524
01:30:41,910 --> 01:30:42,910
him there.
525
01:30:43,190 --> 01:30:44,610
Should have called an ambulance.
526
01:30:45,150 --> 01:30:46,910
Told him to take the scenic route.
527
01:30:50,330 --> 01:30:55,070
Not fucking thinking how I did him a
favour, but I fucking did. He was
528
01:30:55,070 --> 01:30:56,070
me to do it.
529
01:30:56,710 --> 01:31:00,130
17 years old, shivering on the ground. I
finished him off.
530
01:31:02,850 --> 01:31:04,190
Just to stop the screaming.
531
01:31:16,660 --> 01:31:17,880
That's it. That's all there were.
532
01:31:19,080 --> 01:31:24,220
Yeah, listen, of course, the lads knew.
The lads knew why I'd done it. They
533
01:31:24,220 --> 01:31:25,220
didn't question it.
534
01:31:25,680 --> 01:31:29,700
They knew this fellow was gone and no
one would get anything out of him. No
535
01:31:29,700 --> 01:31:31,760
would have gotten him anywhere. He
wouldn't have survived.
536
01:31:32,060 --> 01:31:33,980
No one said a word. No one questioned
him.
537
01:31:41,620 --> 01:31:42,680
No one said a word.
538
01:31:45,610 --> 01:31:50,530
I called in to self -debt operations
room. That stage our job were done.
539
01:31:50,530 --> 01:31:52,750
over, went back to barracks, had the
debrief.
540
01:31:53,010 --> 01:31:56,210
That boy's injuries didn't occur to me.
Any questions would be asked.
541
01:31:57,070 --> 01:32:00,730
They were all in a twist.
542
01:32:01,570 --> 01:32:03,710
The Ruperts, the higher -ups.
543
01:32:06,050 --> 01:32:11,190
After the CO had me in his office,
544
01:32:15,120 --> 01:32:16,540
I could tell he was under stress.
545
01:32:17,240 --> 01:32:20,600
His old fat head looked like a boil that
needed lancing.
546
01:32:22,300 --> 01:32:27,340
By all the rules of lawful engagement,
that's a war crime, Sergeant Stoke. And
547
01:32:27,340 --> 01:32:28,480
thought, oh, here we go.
548
01:32:28,740 --> 01:32:32,040
He's looking hard at me. We need to make
this go away.
549
01:32:33,340 --> 01:32:34,860
He presented a threat.
550
01:32:35,520 --> 01:32:37,040
He raised his weapon.
551
01:32:42,000 --> 01:32:44,400
No, he fucking didn't, sir.
552
01:32:49,610 --> 01:32:52,650
This house isn't as fresh now as it
fucking didn't.
553
01:32:59,950 --> 01:33:01,550
His arms were shredded.
554
01:33:08,110 --> 01:33:13,690
I'd love to get out. He can't just put
himself together and nobody think.
555
01:33:14,770 --> 01:33:18,030
Take a couple of days, see the head
doctor, he'll be right as red.
556
01:33:19,600 --> 01:33:21,060
will make this go away.
557
01:33:21,740 --> 01:33:27,260
I stood in front of him, hot tears
squirting out of me. If you'd asked me
558
01:33:27,260 --> 01:33:29,220
my name were, I wouldn't have known.
559
01:33:35,660 --> 01:33:42,540
But it took a couple of days, but it
weren't that long for the shrink
560
01:33:42,540 --> 01:33:46,960
to see that when a crack in the ice, it
wouldn't seal over.
561
01:33:48,009 --> 01:33:54,710
However, as he put it, an unstable
element staged to
562
01:33:54,710 --> 01:33:58,930
myself and others, which in our line of
work meant generally bad for business,
563
01:33:59,150 --> 01:34:05,290
time to go home. So he declared me
unfit, returned to unit, signed me out,
564
01:34:05,290 --> 01:34:06,610
me on a plane back to the regiment.
565
01:34:08,750 --> 01:34:13,290
A short while later, I find myself on
the streets of Sheffield staring at my
566
01:34:13,290 --> 01:34:14,890
front door, a civilian.
567
01:34:21,320 --> 01:34:25,220
A dirty little secret war criminal.
568
01:34:27,100 --> 01:34:31,920
Yeah, well, our coming -up 15 -year
service due out anyway.
569
01:34:41,440 --> 01:34:42,800
Could you save him?
570
01:34:43,840 --> 01:34:46,520
I did save him, Jeff. I did save him.
571
01:34:47,620 --> 01:34:49,360
Saved him from more fucking pain.
572
01:34:50,220 --> 01:34:53,920
I'd have enjoyed watching him suffer a
little bit longer, so I did save him.
573
01:34:53,920 --> 01:34:54,920
Saved him, that.
574
01:35:00,380 --> 01:35:01,620
Why did you shoot him?
575
01:35:03,320 --> 01:35:04,720
We have kept him alive.
576
01:35:09,740 --> 01:35:13,120
But at some time I knew we couldn't. At
the time.
577
01:35:16,040 --> 01:35:17,260
At the time.
578
01:35:43,530 --> 01:35:45,850
to reach your fucking absolution, Jim.
579
01:35:47,710 --> 01:35:49,310
Maybe I could have saved him.
580
01:35:50,210 --> 01:35:54,370
Maybe I could have saved him. Maybe I
enjoyed killing him. Maybe I didn't.
581
01:35:54,370 --> 01:35:58,790
I pitied him. Maybe I fucking hated him.
I don't know, Jim. I don't know.
582
01:36:00,690 --> 01:36:02,950
But I don't reach your fucking
absolution.
583
01:36:04,650 --> 01:36:05,830
I did the crime.
584
01:36:06,090 --> 01:36:07,610
Still serving the time.
585
01:36:08,330 --> 01:36:09,770
Don't tell none to nobody.
586
01:36:12,110 --> 01:36:13,190
Don't turn up to nobody.
587
01:36:14,930 --> 01:36:16,030
Least of all to you.
588
01:36:18,450 --> 01:36:23,550
How many fucking hail bearers do I get
for that?
589
01:37:47,360 --> 01:37:50,700
with us, his eyes searching for the
exit.
590
01:37:53,280 --> 01:37:56,520
Well, there were rumours, as you all may
know too well, that he'd lost his mind
591
01:37:56,520 --> 01:38:01,220
over there, that, you know, he'd gone
psycho, that he'd been involved in some
592
01:38:01,220 --> 01:38:04,280
bad things, even that he'd murdered an
announcer, will you?
593
01:38:05,580 --> 01:38:09,460
Oh, and the shame, the shame of it
seemed to crush him.
594
01:38:09,720 --> 01:38:12,060
I mean, regardless of what happened, the
shame.
595
01:38:15,020 --> 01:38:17,800
It's hard to imagine that, you know,
what shame can do to a person. He was a
596
01:38:17,800 --> 01:38:19,920
very proud man, your father, Brian. He
was very proud.
597
01:38:21,300 --> 01:38:22,300
Proud?
598
01:38:22,440 --> 01:38:23,440
You don't understand.
599
01:38:24,900 --> 01:38:27,120
He put his heart and soul into it, did
he?
600
01:38:27,560 --> 01:38:29,180
Just like your dad, Jim, you know?
601
01:38:30,520 --> 01:38:34,220
So to take that away from somebody, to
take it away from him, it's like taking
602
01:38:34,220 --> 01:38:35,220
his name away.
603
01:38:35,240 --> 01:38:37,120
How can you be so fucking reasonable
about it?
604
01:38:37,360 --> 01:38:39,500
I wasn't reasonable about it at the
time.
605
01:38:41,500 --> 01:38:42,500
You know, and if it...
606
01:38:42,650 --> 01:38:45,410
if it wasn't for knowing that there was
a baby on the way, and if it wasn't for
607
01:38:45,410 --> 01:38:46,410
you.
608
01:38:57,690 --> 01:39:01,010
So yeah, we left it.
609
01:39:02,670 --> 01:39:03,670
I'm sorry.
610
01:39:09,570 --> 01:39:11,850
These are what you think, right over
your door.
611
01:39:17,740 --> 01:39:20,200
I think you're a fucking killer.
612
01:39:21,500 --> 01:39:22,500
And a coward.
613
01:39:23,900 --> 01:39:27,400
Because only a weak, cowardly person can
walk away from the family like that.
614
01:39:31,420 --> 01:39:35,140
Don't talk about him. You don't know
him. No, you're right. I don't know him.
615
01:39:36,620 --> 01:39:39,940
That's the problem, innit? I don't
fucking know him.
616
01:39:42,740 --> 01:39:44,880
I know everything I fucking need to know
about him.
617
01:39:45,980 --> 01:39:46,980
Bastard.
618
01:39:49,980 --> 01:39:52,940
There's a big, giant fucking thing going
on in the middle of our lives.
619
01:39:59,440 --> 01:40:01,060
Don't talk about him like that.
620
01:40:02,260 --> 01:40:05,100
Don't talk about anybody like that in my
presence.
621
01:40:05,640 --> 01:40:08,800
At least of all the men who gave you
life, which is a blessing. Blessed?
622
01:40:10,420 --> 01:40:13,660
Blessed? Why did everything have to be
so fucking blessed in this house, Mum?
623
01:40:15,800 --> 01:40:17,040
You gave me life.
624
01:40:18,730 --> 01:40:25,050
He gave me a fucking... fucking curse.
625
01:40:50,320 --> 01:40:51,320
All these years.
626
01:40:53,580 --> 01:40:56,800
All these years.
627
01:41:32,010 --> 01:41:33,650
All these years fucking what?
628
01:41:37,350 --> 01:41:38,350
How did you?
629
01:41:40,270 --> 01:41:43,030
The winces, I mean. The isolation.
630
01:41:45,510 --> 01:41:46,710
How did that work?
631
01:41:53,910 --> 01:41:55,690
How did that manage without you?
632
01:42:08,240 --> 01:42:09,320
It's not over, Jem.
633
01:42:09,760 --> 01:42:16,740
I'm not making sound as if it... I won't
634
01:42:16,740 --> 01:42:22,860
pretend I don't think about you from
time to time, but this is it, Jem. This
635
01:42:22,860 --> 01:42:23,860
my life.
636
01:42:31,760 --> 01:42:32,860
Does it have to be?
637
01:42:44,200 --> 01:42:48,740
As for man, his days are as grass,
638
01:42:48,880 --> 01:42:54,200
as a flower, a field, so it flourishes.
639
01:42:56,320 --> 01:43:00,440
But wind passeth over it, and it is
gone,
640
01:43:00,680 --> 01:43:05,780
and the place thereof shall know it no
more.
641
01:43:11,380 --> 01:43:12,640
Etc. etc.
642
01:43:13,920 --> 01:43:15,000
Ah, fucking men.
643
01:43:20,600 --> 01:43:21,600
Good night, man.
644
01:45:20,320 --> 01:45:21,320
Ryan?
645
01:45:25,180 --> 01:45:26,180
Ryan?
646
01:54:14,500 --> 01:54:15,820
Hey. We gotta get going.
647
01:54:18,240 --> 01:54:20,860
Can you do it?
648
01:54:21,320 --> 01:54:22,320
Can't help it.
649
01:57:51,860 --> 01:57:53,700
Thank you.
650
01:58:42,510 --> 01:58:43,510
you
49375
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